SinsofDrew

despair. Every time let but the emphasis on every time I talk to someone I find hope that someone actually wants to speak with me. Yet every time I respond to someone I get the same sort of greif. Instantly they lose interest, they stop talking. Its fine most of the time, Its fine that I am not going to meet someone here on the off chance they want to actually speak with me. This lifestyle has chewed me up spit me back out on numerous occasions. 

Why do I even come on anymore. No matter what I say, I rarely get a response from anyone. I know that I have flaws, I know I am young, but I am willing to learn. Hell I have been learning most all aspects of the lifestyle. I have some experience. I am not looking to just get laid... If I wanted that I go to a bar.  Im glad that I am a switch. No one can change my mind on that. So dont try to do so. 

Fuck people there I said it. Why do people on here think that its alright to talk to someone in the most foul disrespectful way possible because they think they are superior then others. Get a clue people.

So I just finished Breaking Bad season 4 on netflix. Hands down my favorite show besides Dr. Who. So wanted to get that off my mind. Now here comes me. So I have been here and there and somewhere. In my mind is where I tend to hangout more and more. Its starting to become a real annoyance when I go out in public especially to a bar... Why to a bar. Well just so I can keep my sanity and my mind at ease. 

Alright so I was chatting with this girl no less then a week ago on this site. I really am getting sick of people who want to go out and meet and either A. dont show up B. Stop talking without a reason or C. Do both. I dont mind driving to a location, I dont mind paying for a dinner or a cup of tea. I just am fed up with the people who get my hopes up and just ignores them without an answer. So in a nutshell if your planning on chatting with me an plan on wanting to set up a date dont be a bitch about and not show / dont talk with me why you didnt show up. Take some advice. There is such a thing as karma and when you least expect it. It will come back to haunt you in the worst place and at the worst time possible. So have a nice day and dont be a bitch.

I am so bored.... BORED>>>>>>. This is not healthy to me Ill just go run around the block... naked.... yes.... dont judge me.

So no rant tonight no me yelling at people just on a lighter side/majestic side. So here it goes hope you all like this. 

So tonight, I was taking out my 3 little dogs before they have to go to sleep. I would say for a good solid 10 to 15 minutes I stared at the sky looking at the stars. Stars that I have taken for granted for the past several years of my life. Tonight I gazed up, saw them at there brightness as I could imagine. I thought to myself, how have I miseed this beauty this glory for the past several years. Tonight I made a vow to myself. I would like to share it in time. But for now it is self motivation and to follow through and share with you all in time.

If I offended anyone tonight I am sorry and will ask for your humble apology. Have a good morning/afternoon/evening.

Ok. I love... No wait I absolutly LOVE when I post something about kindness that I suddenly get 2 messages that are complete scammers wanting "my photos" for some Mens magazine. Really, really you really think I am this guliable. Well let me tell you something you dumb con men. Chances are you probably get hooked is 1 out of 75. Then there is me. I will rain hell on your con that will make you use your own tears as lube.

Kindness is not a Weakness.

Kindness leads to Respect

Respect evolves into Trust

Trust transcends to the Soul.

Two Souls intertwines into One

Does a touch ever leave the soul.

The eyes never lie.

Trust is a beat away.

Happy New Year. Another year has gone by with full of the usual let downs and disapointments. Though this small rant is much more then me its what is called friends. I think I have friends. These friends that I supposly have my  back will hang out when something happens. So far this year I have had a huge let down none of my friends were like Oh do you want to talk can we hangout nothing of this nature. Yet when there in trouble Ill drop what I am doing go help them in their time of need. But this is probably what drove me over the edge this year.

Like always I give my friends presents for the holidays a time for the gift of giving.  I ask nothing in return just friendship. So I have been giving these gifts for close to 5 years, But I have been giving one of my best friends gifts for 8 years. So one of my best friends announces on facebook time to give my gifts out to my friends. I have yet to hear from that friend who I call someone who will always be there for me. I have given this freind calls through out the year. Not one response have I heard. When I go out of my way to help someone else this is what I get. Nothing. I have ask for nothing for all my years of saying this person is my best friend.

Finally I would like to say sorry for all that is reading my rambles. Usually I take this out on video games but something that is solid and concrete as to type. I feel better. But I will say  sorry now and hope to be forgiven if you wish to talk with me.

From now on what I have decided is this. My status has changed from switch to  sub and now until that I know what is right in my mind and heart will now be Unsure. I know the difference between sub and dom. I know what a Switch is. Though this does not matter anymore. The time has come where I burrow deep inside my inner core. Each pulse is a little unsure what he may become. Only time will tell. Though this will not stop me from continuing my path through this lifestyle.

So this is me bored.... not very fun is it being bored at least I have the Prodigy

From early this morning I have been bored. I tried going out then looked in my wallet. Head bowed and walked back inside. I have zero friends in the tampa. All my friends are located in either st pete largo or clearwater. With my head bowed I walked back inside with deep boredom. I try working on my art but everything I put on paper was full of shit. Now I sit here bored. Just want to talk with someone.

SO this journal entry is inspired by the so called "pro doms". There is about  95 percent of you so call pro doms that are fakes. The one thing that certainly gives it away is the profile. Seriously every time I read a so called Pro Dom it looks like it was to be copied and pasted. Not to say there are some out there that are genuine but it seems like they have been popping up like cockroaches. All offering the same "services"... ok i know there are people out there that like being finacially controlled. What it looks like is there is never a meeting with the so called pro dom all you get is an account to wire the money too and you get treated like shit then that person is gone with your money... Its a  FUCKING SCAM.... to the 5 percent that is reading this Im sorry to have offended you just needed to get it off my chest.

Why am I here in a room. No light , sound ,time ,  and certainly no way out. I feel something crawling up my back. My mind begins to wander in to the deepest part of my soul. Feeling my back burn with each passing thought.  What is my mind running from... falling downward spiral. Eyes close...

This entry is about age and for me is its a curse. The people that I have talked to about everything on this website my knowledge my insight, and my little experiences. They all say either "wow" or "yes your completely right". Though the next question on there mind is you can really be that young. Im 23... 23 and the curse that brings me down. I talk with people in there 30s and 40s get and make new friendship but yet I understand that for them age is a very tricky situation in the lifestyle. One person recently told me I have an old soul and like I said that may be true but at the same time its a curse. I know one day I will find someone or maybe they'll find me. But who knows time tells all.

So I am in school and finals week is next week I have several project and papers to get done. With that being said I get an email from my professor this morning saying that I have to redo my paper... I pause for a moment I ask her why... why do I have to redo the paper I followed the guide lines of the paper. She admits to making a mistake on the time periods that you were suppose to stay in. I said ok but thats your fault not mine. She then says you have to redo the paper and you wont get credit for the paper you turned in. So let me get this straight.  I have to study for your exam... I have to do projects for other classes this weekend... I am doing your extra credit paper... I have another paper to do. Then you get the balls to say well since you follow the guideline but im not giving you credit on your last paper you have to redo it by tuesday the day of the exam. My anger and rage just hit to an all time high. I quietly went over to my wall and punched a big hole in my fist started to bleed as i walked back to my computer and wrote back fine ill get it done. Blood still on my keyboard.

I have found myself lost within my generation. Each time I have an interaction with someone of my age group... I almost need to ask them has you IQ dropped or are you really that incompetent. From what I have witness through each and every moment is just the shame were bringing to this country we call home. I support the troops and are very thankful for there service to that we the people can keep having free speech. What I am furious at is the lack of respect and common courtesy to one another. Its embarrassing, its wrong, its shameful. Where in the world does my generation deserve the right to bring this country more and more to its knees. We are the 99 percent okay I understand what you are trying to support I get that. But do any of you know what that is even about anymore. Seriously please tell me because I hear the same old same old everyday. What happen to working hard earning your way up the ladder. No we want good jobs with high paying salaries fresh out of college. That is not what American is. What happen to the American dream well my generation is what happen to it. My apologies for my ranting. I apologize for my generation. If my generation just keeps bringing this country further down the rabbit hole just remember what happen in the 60's is happening now. It just does not work. This is what I say to my generation and the views that they have on the president. Change is happening, it just wont change overnight like your f**king facebook account.

Again I apologize.

Time seems to be going by so slow. Each minutes crawls by with not a care in the world. There is no room for error in today's society. Everything has turned political. People want better jobs with better pay but no one wants to work for it. The American dream...were working hard and doing good meant for a better life. I am not blaming anyone person. What happen to that ever pursuing dream that everyone strived for....

All i know is time to start some anarchy the world is destine for chaos why not start it sooner.