Hello, my name is Sinfully Red. I am a slave to Master Will, I just call him Master. Master and I have played around, at one time we were going to make it a lifestyle, but things happened that made it impossible at the time. We are now in a position that we know what we want, and that’s making this a part of our everyday life, not just on weekends.
We are new to making it a lifestyle, and training me to submit fully. I am very willful. For most of my life I have had to be the smart one, the strong one, the organized one, etc. That’s a lot of years of programming me to be independent and dominant. But I don’t want that role. I want to be completely submissive. I am tired of being in control!
I write a daily blog that I would be honored if you subscribed to (it’s FREE). There are pictures of me on there, and many times we ask for your opinion or advice. http://www.sinfullyred.blogspot.com/
In my training I have had ups and downs, here is where I am in my training so far:
Chores: B Degradation: B- Denial/Patience: C Exercise: A Homework: N/A Pain: C
My Master is currently seeking ways to help break me or punish me. He needs fresh new ideas. If you can help him with this please contact him at mailto:BDSMMasterandslave@gmail.com
Thank you for your time and your attention, Sir/Ma’am.
I hope you had a wonderful weekend. We did. We celebrated Master's Birthday all weekend and had a great time.
However,
Monday brought many great and unexpected pleasures! First I was woken
up with a beating from my Master which I absolutely loved. Then when I
wake there is a list of my day broken out and what items Master wishes
me to complete. In fact the whole week is already completely
scheduled!!! I am a happy slave, because now I know what is expected of
me.
I was following Master's schedule fine, until I fought with a
computer program for an hour and a half which majorly put me behind. I
was lucky that Master had put some personal items on the list, which I
quickly threw out the window, in order to get those items for Master
done. I got them all done, and did the dishes, which weren't on the
list!!
Master also came home later than expected and started to put a crunch on the time.. but that's why you prioritize :-).
I
love the way Master is doing inspections now. There is a set time for
inspection each day. By that time, I am to have everything done, be
clean and ready, collared, chained to the bed, blind folded, toys
requested out and in a present position. I was holding that position
for a long time. Master comes home and takes his time. He grabs a clip
board with a check list and looks around the house to make sure things
have been completed, and how well they have been completed. I did well
on that part, however, Master didn't give me an A on the dishes because
he says the sink was still dirty... I got a B, on the other stuff I got
an A!!!!
When Master walks in the room, I am not allowed to speak
and he doesn't speak to me either. He changes his clothes and inspects
me like he would his electronic equipment. He checked my weight and
saw that I gained half a pound, I got a D+ :-(.
He came over to
my body and started at the legs, inspecting me like a show dog, or a
piece of meat. It actually turned me on that he was doing this and I
wasn't allowed to see him or talk to him. I got an F for no butt plug
because I couldn't find it. He touched me everywhere and I could feel
myself getting wet. Master even pulled back my head and checked my
teeth and breathe (which he could smell my medicine on my breathe so I
got a C).
As I was getting into position, I had broke a
fingernail... I got a B- for that. After he looked everything over, he
went over the check list with me, and beat me accordingly. I really got
it for that F. Excuses (if not family or life-threatening/medical) are
not tolerated. Either get it done, and done correctly or be punished.
When I told Master I couldn't find the butt plug, he said, did you ask?
oops, no I didn't. dang. After the beating, then Master talked about
the good things I had done and gave me some pleasure. I was so turned
on.
My goal for Master's birthday was to finally have him fuck me
in the ass to the point that he cums in it. Well, Sunday was his
Birthday, but it didn't happen. Life happened, we were tired, and well
fed, and didn't quite lend to ending the night that way.
I
expressed to Master my failure, and how hurt and upset I was that I
wasn't able to give him that gift. He asked me what I wanted to do
about it, and I said I wanted him to do it now. He asked me if I was
sure that's what I wanted and I said yes.
Master had me get in a
doggy style position and tied me so I couldn't get out of the position.
He blindfolded me and then put the anal hook in me. He then put the
electrodes on my ass and pussy. He took some personal time while I was
there in that position with the electrode number climbing from 7 to 60.
My ass was so tingly, but the importance of it was to get me to relax
back there.
Master removed the anal hook and electrodes and
inserted the butt plug. It felt good to go in. Then Master rocked it
as before and I was really feeling it. I was in zen mode. I didn't
realize that he had been slowly pulling it out and pushing it back in
until he had pulled it out all the way and pushed it back in... and it
felt good! He continued to do that and then told me he thought I was
ready for his cock. Oh I hope so.
He took the butt plug out and
slowly put the tip of his cock inside my ass. I could feel the pressure
and I was getting a little concerned. Master kept talking to me in a
calm voice. He told me I was safe, that I was okay, and that what I was
feeling, felt good. I found myself actually helping him get deeper
into my ass. At one point I was ready to cry (he was completely in).
He didn't move. He allowed me to relax. He talked to me and kept
telling me how much I loved how this felt. He voice was passionate and
soon I was feeling good. I liked him in my ass. I started to rock on
his cock and then slowly fell into sub space. Master took that cue and
started to slowly fuck my ass. I was loving it and I was loving that I
was able to please Master. Master mentions during the fucking that he
now owns me completely, the one thing that was holding us back was
finally his for the taking, and take it he did. Soon he was at a good
pace fucking my ass, and I remember asking him to cum in my ass. I was
ready.
Master was happy to give me that gift. I was riding on
his cock, wanting to hear and feel the pleasure I had given him, when I
felt him twitch... oh here it cums! Right after he came, the flow of
his cum and the twitching of his cock had hit just at the right time and
place and I had a huge orgasm. Wow! Master was so pleased with me....
that i got to sleep in his bed last night! I think I got an A :-)
Well, I hope that I will see some of you at the Beat & Greet! Hope everyone is doing well, (You've all been pretty quiet).
Sorry
for the lack of blogs lately. One, Master and I have had some major
breakthroughs so wanted to take it easy, two, we have both been a little
under the weather.
I
had briefly mentioned the breakthrough regarding my ass. Master and I
have always wanted to explore him fucking my ass. I have IBS/Spastic
Colon and other issues that complicate this. We have tried butt plugs
and anal hooks with great success, but they were thin and weren't moving
back and forth.
I have
been trying and trying to relax and be able to take larger plugs and try
to deal with the movement. Master has been in my ass 3 times before
this in the 18 + years we have been together, so my track record is
pretty much nil.
This
time, however, we did things a little different. 1st Master put the
tens unit on my ass, after 15 minutes on 60, it was tingly and I took
the plug much easier than normal. Then Master was pushing on the plug,
it kinda hurt, so I showed him how to rock the plug. That felt good.
Instead of the in and out motion, it was slowly rocking.
Master
got a good rhythm going and then started pulling it out and putting it
back in with the same slow deliberate motion. It was feeling awesome!
Master pulled the plug out and I got nervous and tensed up. I felt him
try, and I felt my ass get tighter and unwilling.
Master
kept trying to get me to relax, then he pushed himself into my ass. I
was whining and whimpering... Master didn't move, he just waited for me
and my ass to relax. Once I relaxed he started fucking me with a
rocking motion. It was amazing, I loved it. I was so happy to finally
give this to Master, and just in time for his birthday too!
Master
was impressed and happy with my overcoming the stress and the medical
issues that were preventing him from enjoying this one thing. Master
continued to fuck me until he added a vibrator and I popped! Master was
so pleased that I got to sleep in bed with him that night.
I
have been trying non-stop for the last year to be able to provide
Master with this gift. Finally we have found our first step into it.
Eventually I think Master will be able to be a little more aggressive in
movement in my ass. I love that he respects and cares for me enough to
take it slow and not force himself on me. It shows great restraint on
his part and definitely bonds us together stronger.
Master
said that NO ONE is to have my ass but him... that includes touching,
toys, and fucking. I am happy about that. It's kinda a safety zone and
a way to keep that bond going. Master truly respects and understands
my needs and I respect him in return.
That's
really what this lifestyle is all about, trust and respect. If you
have that, then any little obstacles or issues are nothing. You will
get through them together. I totally trust and respect him and he
totally respects and trusts me. Even though we had some hiccups, I
think we definitely found the right person to have in our lives.
I
love you Master! Thank you for your patience and understanding. Thank
you for making something painful in the past be something wonderful
that I will only ever share with you!
Today's
blog is hard for me to write. My Master and I changed roles in order
to save our marriage and it is not something I want to do on a regular
basis. I prefer to be a sub/slave at all times. That being said.......
Master
is still learning about this lifestyle. He likes what he sees and the
thought of it. As many blogs as I have written and as many times as we
talk, he was missing the mark on why I like to be a slave, beaten, and
humiliated. I have tried to tell him and well, I guess he still didn't
understand.
Master had
been off for a couple of days, phoning in his role as Master. When we
went to the Club X party, he never treated me like a sub or slave until
the end of the night. It was very hard for me. I wanted to serve, I
wanted to please him, instead we sat watching others, as I wish he would
pay attention to me as well.
When
we got home, Master phoned in an orgasm for me and it took forever
because I could feel he wasn't even there. I had done a lot at the club
when we finally played. Not only be on the cross being beaten, but
Master had most of my clothes off, and we hadn't discussed going that
far. I thought for sure that deserved a good orgasm or maybe being
allowed to sleep in the bed with Master, but no. After the phoned in
orgasm, and being sent to the floor, I wasn't going to bed in a very
submissive mood. He also forgot my Meds for my Fibro and didn't put the earphones on me. He showed that he just didn't really care.
The
next morning I asked for open talk time... where I can speak my mind
respectfully and allow him to know what is going on with me. He blew
up. He didn't respect the open talk time. Things got really ugly and I
was ready to leave. I texted
friends who wanted me to leave the house, but I am glad I didn't. He
finally revealed that he felt so bad and just wished he could physically
feel the pain he was feeling inside. My ears perked up... ah... yes...
I can help with that.
I
asked him if he really wanted to be punished and feel that pain and he
said yes. He stripped down naked and laid on the bed, where I decided
to do everything he had done to me in the last 24 hours. I started
beating his ass with the paint stick... I wasn't very hard, just some
tapping and he was screaming in pain... what???
Master
doesn't do well with pain, he is a strong man who has done a lot for
our family and others. He is a great protector, but one on one... he
can't stand the smallest of pain. I couldn't stand that he was crying
so I hit him harder so he would know the difference between hitting hard
and just tapping him. He seemed to get it.
Master
messes with my nipples all the time... so I messed with his. I put
clothes pins all over his body, like he did me and then I messed with
them and started using the riding crop on his body. I had him choose
which ones were to come off and if they should come off slow or fast.
If they fell off I added more and if he swore I added more. I flicked
his nipples and really tortured them.
I
made him look in the mirror while I beat him and he cried more. I was
using the flogger, ping pong paddle, riding crop, and paint stick as my
beating tools.
Master
hadn't gone to the bathroom yet and had been holding it during the
fight. He asked if he could go and I told him to stand in the bathtub
but he couldn't go to the bathroom. I grabbed a cup and told him to
fill it and then stop peeing. It was very hard for him to control his
piss. I took the full cup and dumped it down his back. He filled it up
again and I poured it down his front. He was shaking and whimpering.
He filled it up the last time. This was early morning piss that had
been held for hours. I had him smell the cup for a few deep breathes
and then made him pour it on himself. He was about to cry and then I
turned the cold shower on him and told him to get clean.
I
prepared the bed for the next adventure. As soon as he was done drying
off, I put the blind fold on him and led him around then got him on the
bed in a slave's present posture. I then caressed his balls and dick,
and asshole. I lubed up his ass and put a long line of anal beads up
his ass, because I know he likes it. I was gentle and I was letting him
enjoy it. Then he really cried. He didn't understand why I would do
something he enjoyed.
The
punishment was over. He did very well, except for all the crying. It
was time to bring him back to being happy, in love, in lust and know
that I respect him for going through this and understanding what it is
like to be his slave. Just because I punished him doesn't mean I don't
love him or want to see him happy. When the punishment is over, it's
over.
Master wrote a
blog on his insight, I have to say it's been two days and I see a huge
difference in how Master interacts with me, beats me, pleasures me, and
understands me. The fact that he went through that turns me on. Not
because I like to dominate, but that now we have an understanding of
each other and their roles.
Master
has changed his reason for being in this lifestyle to a much better
reason. I feel more comfortable with him now. I feel safe, loved, and
the trust is building back up, quickly.
I
guess when we move to the next stage in anything we do there can be
pain, conflict, resistance, and understanding. I am so happy we have
cleared this hurdle, and by doing so, I was able to trust Master enough
to relax and have his cock in my ass. He has only ever been able to do
so 3 other times. This time it felt good. Trust means a lot in a
relationship. If I trust him, then I am more relaxed and comfortable in
what he has me do/say.
Please
don't think badly of my Master, it was a learning experience. He is a
Master, not a sub, he wanted to save our marriage, by spending some time
in my shoes. How amazing is that!?!?! I love my Master with all my
heart and I thank him for being strong and wanting to do anything to
keep us together.
(((Note:
This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz
would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological
profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among
people that practice BDSM.)))
Pain just feels good. Nothing like someone hurting you or hurting
yourself in some cases. Often sadism goes hand-in-hand with this
practice because the two personalities work well together. And some
people like both.
Masochist
86%
Experimental
82%
Degradation Lover
79%
Submissive
79%
Bondage
68%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
61%
Switch
50%
Sadist
50%
Vanilla
18%
Dominant
4%
Insights from a Master being a slave by Master Will?
Journal Entry written about 10 hours ago by MasterWill
As I grow into this relationship with Sinfully Red and learning
to become the Master that we both want I realize that I am not perfect
in any way. Actually I am far from it and need help and guidance along
the way. One of the mistakes I made was I didn't realize what my slave
was going through as she is serving me several ways. Last night I failed
my slave and did not reward her for a wonderful evening and all the
hard work she is doing. Lesson number one: Reward your slave or she will
revolt. We went to a play party and once I felt comfortable enough in
my own skin as a Master I pulled Sinfully Red to a cross in the dark
corner of the room. We talked a bit about what we were going to do and
one of the things was to keep her clothes one. Well once she was tied up
and took her shirt off I said I needed more space to punish her and
undid her bra. Once the scene was moving along I was able to blindfold
her and took her pants down. This elicited a anxiety attack but she was
brave enough to get past it and get into the role. At one point she was
wanting me to hit her harder but with all the noise in the room it made
it difficult for me to listen to what she was saying. Lesson number two
is to learn her body language so I know that what I am doing is good or
bad and if it is good to keep it going and bring it to the next level.
The evening was going well but I wasn't feeling well all day and I
really wanted to go because we have talked about this for a very long
time. I mustered all my strength and we went. Well once the medicine
started wearing off I really needed to get home. Sinfully Red wanted
some extra instruction from others at the party but she thought about me
and my health and said let's get home get some medicine into you and
you can fuck me hard and beat me at home. Lesson Three is communication.
She communicated to me her wants and needs and I was shutting down my
mouth and didn't communicate back to her what I wanted, needed or my
intentions. We got home and I punished her but my heart, mind and soul
wasn't into it. I was piss poor at it to be honest and than got her on
her back and took the vibrator out and applied it to her pussy to get
her to come so I can go to bed. No love or caring there on my part.
Lesson Four is the caring of my Sinfully Red. If I am not caring about
my slave and thinking about her 110% of the time she isn't going to
respect me or give back what I need. I have to be in this with all my
energy to show her I know what she needs and give it to her with
abundance. Lesson Five is to be attentive to her condition. She suffers
from Fibromyalgia and she needs her medication in the morning and night.
Well I completely forgot about her medication before I sent her to bed
and there is no excuse for that. No medication at night makes slave a
very unhappy camper in the morning. Lesson One was the rewarding of your
slave. With all the good work she did I rewarded her by telling her she
can sleep on the floor where she normally sleeps. Where is the
incentive for her to sleep in the bed with me if she goes all out and I
kick her to the floor. So to recap I ignored her needs, didn't reward
her and forgot to give her her medication for her illness. I didn't show
I cared about her.
Thus comes the morning time. All hell brook loose and all the trust
was gone that she had for me to protect her. There went the lifestyle.
An argument erupted and I lost control of the situation which started
the night before. Well I never had consequences to my actions growing
up. My parents never spanked me as a kid, never was grounded, I got into
trouble and all I got was yelled at. So yelling at me is what I learned
to feel love. We punish our children because we love them and don't
want them to do wrong. Where was the love from parents on when I did
wrong. I am not saying we should "hit" our kids but we need to punish
them. I got yelled at so I need the yelling from my wife to feel the
safe love from her. Well she doesn't want to do that. I was so angry I
told her I wanted to punish myself by cutting my arm because I needed
the pain to equate to the punishment. Well she had a better idea. The
roles were reversed. She took out every item I use on here to punish her
and she used it on me. Holy cow does that hurt. Lesson Six is I learned
the pain that I inflict on my slave. I never knew that amount of pain
she is enduring for me. It is definitely an eye opener. She also
humiliated me. I told her I had to piss and she decided I need to piss
in a cup and pour it on myself, that sucked ass but I get the
humiliation aspect of it. I showered and was told to put a blindfold on.
Here comes lesson Seven and would have to say it was a hard lesson for
me to learn and I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. I was to
present for her which was get on all fours and she lubed my ass and
stuck anal beads up there. Now wait a minute, I like this, how is this
happening. I was getting punished and than she is showing me pleasure?
The lesson is the pain and the pleasure a slave endures is to please the
master. The other big lesson is that I learned why I punish my slave.
It was hard for me to reason why I am hurting my slave which is also my
wife. I don't want to hurt my wife. Well the reason is I get off on the
pleasure she is receiving from the pain. I punish her, she enjoys it, I
hear her enjoying it and I thus enjoy hearing her and the cycle
continues.
Well after all that she said I had 30 minutes to enjoy her body. I
enjoyed it immensely and was able to take back the role of the master. I
was able to concentrate on her pleasure and wanted her to be happy. I
was able to get her to orgasm several times very easily as opposed to a
huge ordeal when I am not paying attention to her. We moved to the
shower and got more orgasms out of her. Master is back in control,
master is happy and slave is happy as long as master tends to the needs
of the slave. Well that is all for now and as I am writing this it is 30
minutes past the time of giving her her medication. You are damn
straight I gave her her meds, I don't want to get beat again. :)
This blog is going to be all about Master and my adventure at our first ClubX play party.
I
first want to send a shout out to some people who were helpful and very
understanding, thanks for understanding we are new and trying to make
us feel comfortable: Caryl, Tiger, Master Tony & Master Tony's girl.
I
apologize if this blog isn't fully together. It seems I'm still not
awake. I went to pour the coffee I just made, only to realize I forgot
to put the coffee in the machine. I had a nice pot of hot water waiting
for me LOL!
Anyway... Master and I prepared for our adventure
Saturday night. Master wore his black pants and his "Master" black
shirt (it has something on the back about Domination). I wore a lacy
black bra, black underwear, jeans and a black button up shirt with my
brand new, very elegant necklace/collar. Master of course brought his
duffel bag full of toys. The fact that he brought it on the tram, got
me a little worried :-) I knew what was in there, because he had me
help pack it!
Check in was a breeze and enjoyed the orientation
with Caryl :-) We walked through the hall to the big room. Lots of
chairs (woo hoo) and lots of play areas. Now I am not going to describe
all the play areas, because people need to come see this for
themselves! Master took us to seats where the action would be right in
front of our faces.
While we were there I think Master was a
little nervous, because he definitely was NOT treating me like his
slave. We sat there as equals watching, commenting, etc. I was waiting
and longing for Master to at least make me sit on the floor or
something. All these people were doing there own thing and I was
sitting here feeling like he had forgotten me and what we were doing
there. I didn't want to just stare at people. I wanted him to pay
attention to me. It took almost 3 hours of lurking and watching before
Master finally started to feel comfortable and started caressing my
breasts and deciding that he wanted to try a scene.
Master picked
a cross in a dark corner. He laid out his toys, which scared me,
because some of them would have to be used on me while naked, and we
didn't discuss that! Master removed my beautiful collar and replaced
it with my leather collar with my tag on it. Master put my red wrist
cuffs on and tied my arms up the cross. Master then took my shirt off,
and tied my waist to the cross so I couldn't squirm around. I was
worried and embarrassed having my shirt off, but I dealt with it and
decided to just concentrate on the pain that was about to happen.
Master
used the paint stick, the ping pong paddle, the riding crop and the
flogger on me. He told me that my bra strap was in the way, so he undid
it and continued the beating. My eyes were not covered at this time. I
was feeling the pain, it was very mild and I was getting into it and
enjoying it. I looked around when Master would take a break to change
toys.
Master started to raise the level of pain and I closed my
eyes and began to focus on the fact that the pain he was giving me was
pleasing him. I was enjoying what he was doing. He then put my
blindfold on and I knew he was going to raise the bar. He would smack
me a few times then come caress my pussy over my jeans. He kept
whispering that maybe my jeans should come off. I was horrified, I
begged no... but in the end, Master won. I mean I was tied up... what
was I going to do about it.
Having the blindfold on helped. I
tried staying in the zone...pretty soon, I didn't realize where I was or
anything. All I knew was Master was beating me, I was enjoying it and
so was he. At one point, Master took my blindfold off and told me to
look to my left. There was this amazing woman who was laying down and
they were doing needle play on her and she looked amazing with all those
needles in her. They were laughing and she was really in sub space. I
really admire her for that... I hope one day I can enjoy something like
that.
After seeing her, my sub space got deeper. Master had put
the blindfold on and I heard my own voice saying harder, hit me harder.
What? Am I nuts? Oh but the harder the blows the better I was
feeling. Unfortunately, Master wasn't feeling good. He hadn't been all
day. He used all his energy, and then it was gone. We cleaned up the
scene and Master sent me to the bathroom with my clothes on except my
jeans... just a little embarrassment to carry me through the rest of
the night.
We were going to get some instruction on better
flogging, but Master just wasn't feeling well. So I asked him, if we go
home right now, will I get to cum. Master said yes. Well that was a
no brainer.... let's go home!!! So we did.
That leads us to a
new blog. I have chosen not to write my blog until everyone is able to
read my Master's blog first. We had a very crazy weekend and one that
almost shattered our lifestyle and our marriage. Master has posted his
blog as a journal entry on .com, his name is Master Will. I will see if he will be posting it on Blogger.
As
for the clubX play party. I liked it. I was surprised at how I didn't
complain about losing my clothes. I think seeing other people care
more about their scene and the art of this lifestyle/hobby/etc helped me
get over myself. The truth of the matter is... I didn't watch
everyone, it was hard to. So what makes me so self centered to think
everyone is watching me? What if they were, maybe my being up there
encouraged someone else to take a bolder step to enjoying their night as
Pink Poodle did for me.
Thank you so much for your attention and time, Sir/Ma'am.
In
having such an up and down week, I have leaned on other subs/slaves for
advise and friendship. My Master was gone part of the week and I was
keeping in touch with another Master via emails to keep me in line, for
the most part.
In my
discussions with any Dom, I will make sure my wording is proper and
correct. When first introducing myself to subs I use proper wording and
make sure everything is Kosher. Once friends with a sub, I want to be
myself. Yes, we are subs/slaves and yes, our Masters/Doms probably are
reading our emails and texts that we send each other... but that's the
key.
I have found in
being brutally honest in my blogs/journal, it has helped Master
immensely. It is a way for him to look deeply into who I am and where
my feelings and thoughts are. When he reads my emails/blogs/texts he
gets a better understanding of where I am and where I think we are
heading. Perhaps he was taking things a little slow, but in reading an
email he finds that another sub has helped me overcome a small hurdle
and am willing to try again using new found information to move the
process along.
Many
times Master is surprised by my deeper understanding of what I have been
doing. He gets me more and more. He loves to read new things and
loves my complete honesty.
Honesty
is rare now days. I choose to be upfront. I may hide my face and real
name for family reasons, but I am not fake. This is who I truly am. I
am honest with my Master and sometimes I don't understand what I
want/don't want until I have started writing my daily blog. So, I have
decided to state here what I really want. Honest and upfront with
everyone.
I want my
Master to be the one guiding light in my life. I do have wants and
needs, and with complete honesty, I know that Master will understand
them and be able to full fill them. I WANT to please Master and I
know that my body has limitations. I am more than willing to work on
those limitations for the pleasure of my Master, which then brings me
pleasure.
I WANT and NEED
friendships with subs that are bare bones honest. I don't care if your
Master reads your emails... if you can't be 100% honest in emails to me,
because you fear your Master, then, you aren't being honest with your
Master. I do not fear that my Master will punish me for what I have
said.
Will I be punished
for some of the things I have said, yes. However, I do not fear his
correction in me. He needs to hear these things, he needs to know my
doubts and that it is not just an issue with his slave, but an issue
that many subs are dealing with.
If
I am honest and tell a sub that I don't like that my Master kept his
morning piss and pissed on me and I almost couldn't stand the smell and I
almost barfed. Then IF Master happens to read that... I am not being
disrespectful of him... but he now can decide will he use that as a
punishment tool, or will he choose to understand that in order for us to
both enjoy golden showers, he has to start with a little less
aggressive technique. If he happens to see the response I get from
another sub regarding it, he may see that this sub also hates it, or the
sub has explained how she/he got over it and is now enjoying it for her
Master.
I have also
seen Doms/Masters competing with each other on just how sick and twisted
they can be and what they can get their slaves to do. I understand
that this is a matter of pride as well as competition. I wonder though
how much true and honest communication happens between them. I think
that the sub community seems a little more open and honest and is
working more towards support and helping each other get to the next
level.
and Masters/Doms
also tend to have a fear of other Masters/Doms muscling in and trying
to take over or even sway a sub away. I feel that's where the
communication is lost. I love that my Master has with me and anyone he
chooses to bring in our friendships a list of do'sdon'ts. Master and I
have an unspoken way of letting each other know which level to go to,
what is accepted and what is an absolute no. Setting up boundaries
ahead of time is SO important.
There
is nothing more confusing to a sub than a temp Master giving orders
saying that the Master has approved this, when the Master has only
approved very little...but to listen to the other Master. This becomes
more confusing because the Master is gone and it is hard to get
approval. The sub wants to obey the temp Master as told to, but cannot
go against a rule set by her Master, but he is gone and that approval
cannot be given. Can you say mentally and emotionally confusing?
subs/slaves
are loyal to their Masters after being trained so long to rely on and
trust one Master then to bring in a temp Master is hurtful, confusing,
and sometimes unwanted. No true sub/slave wants to feel like they are
betraying their Masters. Even with the approval from the Master, it
feels wrong... and we need time to overcome that. I would say forcing
the issue could shut a sub down. It's not that they don't want it, or
are unwilling to following Master's commands... it's a mental and
emotional thing. Subs are imprinted to their Masters... to try and
trust a Master/Dom that has not built that relationship is hard.
So
what I am saying is that Master needs to not only understand that I
want to serve him completely and do everything he wants me to, but that
there are fears, questions, and emotional & physical barriers that
may stand in the way of what both of us want. Master is not a mind
reader, and there is always a sub out there that has been where I am
now. It is imperative that this community not only support each other,
but be honest and realistic with each other. There is always time for
fantasy to take hold, but if there is a core of honest communication
built first regarding that fantasy, then it will sore and bring many
pleasurable results.
I
am scared to play with others, my loyalty to Master is my issue. I love
to talk to other subs to understand their process and be able to gripe,
praise and support each other. I love to have someone who is "griping"
with me, not to undermine our Masters, but to understand that we aren't
alone, and this is part of the process. I am not a mindless robot who
does as she is told. I am a woman who fell in love and chose to make
her Master her priority in life. I am a woman who chose to trust her
Master fully and understand that he will keep me safe and happy, and in
return I will be a safe place for him in vulnerable times and keep him
emotionally safe, and emotionally and physically happy. I have chosen
to be a slave, turning everything over to my Master. However, if I
didn't have opinions, personality, humor, an active comforting listening
ear... then Master wouldn't WANT or need me. Master wants me to be the
person he fell in love with, and I wasn't mindless or opinionless when he met me!
There
is a time and place for everything... being honest makes everything
easier, happier, and creates an unbreakable bond. I thank you Master
for understanding me and allowing the good parts of me to still shine
through. Thank you for being a caring, strict, understanding, and a
great leader as my husband and Master.
Thank you for your time and attention during my rant, Sir/Ma'am.
I
really don't feel like sharing today. I am in a total mental and
physical funk. I am not sure how I got to this point. It is definitely
the cause of more than one thing, I would think. Sleep was horrible,
uncomfortable, barely there. I woke up just not happy at all. I wanted
to just go back to sleep and hope to not wake up for a couple of days.
I
suppose some of it has to do with Master not being here last night, but
I don't think that is the main reason, because I was in my routine and I
was doing well. Perhaps it's because I forgot my medicine last night.
Perhaps it's the fact that I don't want to meet a friend for coffee
today. I am not sure. My mind is not clear and usually I can figure
out how I get where I am at and all I see is a gray fog that seems to be
growing. It reminds me of the "Nothing". Now we will see people's
age/geek factor to that reference!
So
until I find a name... I guess this fog will just keep growing. I pray
for the safety and sanity of those around me as I try to figure my way
out of this one.
Master and I have met three couples
that we seem to have a common link with.? Two of them are more openly
active and we have reached out to them for some mentorship.? To be
honest, I am not quite sure what it means to have a mentor in the
community.? I don't know what is expected of either side.
Master, of course, does all the talking with the other Doms.?
I just feel like I still don't know what we are doing.? It's nice to
have people who are in the same area of the community and have some of
the same goals.?
As a slave and a bottom's bottom, I
am not sure how to address other subs/slaves/bottoms etc.? I also know
that Sir/Ma'am is universal way to address a Dom/Top/Master but what
about a switch?? I'm kinda confused.? I need order, rules, and
guidelines in my life to help keep my Fibro and my submissiveness in check.
Because of my Fibro, I am not able
to comprehend reading large amounts of information.? However, wouldn't
it be great if there was a handbook out there already????
From talking to some others, it
seems that each community has it's own set of guidelines or rules.?
Wouldn't it be cool to get the Doms together to write a handbook on what
it is to be a Dom/Top/Master in San Diego?? After it is written have
the subs/bottoms/slaves write a book on how to act as their role in San
Diego?? It's just a thought.
It would be nice to see very concise
information on the community in each area.? I guess I am nervous that
having a mentor means the relationship between Master and I will change,
and I'm not for that.? I like having him to myself and want him to like
me only having him.? I know that in the very far future there is talk
of experimenting, but I like where we are now.
I think I am open to clothed
interaction with a mentor or friends.? Maybe even some nudity, but I am
not ready to let someone touch me intimately like Master does, if that
makes sense.? I know that in the past I have written of just wanting to
be touched, but that's all.? It's the idea that turns me on more than
the act... that's what fantasies are for.? It brings the "what if" into
play.?
So if I have a mentor or two... what
is my obligation to them?? What is their obligation to me?? I haven't
talked to anyone who has a mentor, or at least we? haven't discussed
that part of their lifestyle.? I am interested to find out how mentorships tend to work with others out there.
Now, I will say that last night that our mentor, Mr. Inuncio,
came into the mix.? It was torture, and it was fun!? Master had rolled
me tightly in our comforter and then tied rope around me.? I had my hood
& blindfold on and Master just sat there reading his email and
doing his thing online.
All of a sudden his cell phone went off.? It was Mr. Inuncio
had called to make a first contact with Master since seeing him last
week.? I told Master to tell him I said hi, and I got a ball gag in my
mouth!? I kept hearing Master say, "yes, definitely, exactly, thank you,
I'll have to try that"?? My head was spinning wondering what our mentor
was telling Master.? I wasn't able to ask!?
Master would beat me with the riding crop while he was talking to Mr. Inuncio.?
At one point I could hear our mentors voice and all I kept hearing him
say was piss!? What?!?!?? Okay... now I wanted to be a part of this
conversation and I couldn't be.? I couldn't ask what was being said, I
couldn't put in my two cents!
It was a pretty long conversation
(Master doesn't do well on the phone) and when I got out, Master hardly
mentioned anything that was said.? Great.? So, I am scared, worried and intrigued all at the same time.? I am wondering what Master and Mr. Inuncio have in store for me now!
Well, I have some chores to do,
including working on some pictures, I appreciate the time and attention
that you have given me by reading this, Sir/Ma'am.
My
Master is gone during the day, most of the time... that limits the
interaction that we have together to continue "training". It seems that
some times the day's activities can sour the work that has already been
done. I get used to being alone and start to get those independent
urges again. It can be hard to stay submissive although Master is gone.
We
have decided to incorporate two different things. The first is when
Master wakes, he will immediately wake me up, give me a morning beating,
which reminds me that he is still "around" and that my submissive
attitude starts first thing in the morning, NOT when Master gets home.
Master more than likely will have me swallowing his cum every morning
like he did this morning.
This
morning he pulled me out of bed (my bed is on the floor) and pushed me
up against his bed and beat me with the paint stick (his favorite toy),
then he fucked me and then he turned me upside down and had me swallow
his cum. Now that is a wake up! I felt extremely submissive to him. I
wanted to do anything for him at that moment. It was great knowing I
could send him off to work pleased and knowing that he will have a
submissive slave at home, instead of trouble brewing.
The
other way we are tackling this? Master bought a digital recorder. He
makes verbal recordings and puts them on my Ipod under a specific play
list. Before I go to bed Master makes me cum a few times to get me very
horny and very submissive and then puts the earphones in my ears and
turns the specific play list on shuffle. All night I listen to Master
tell me the rules, tell me I am to please him, tell me I'm a good slut,
telling me how he wants me to behave and treat him. I love it. These
recordings help me to know what Master really wants. It gives me a
chance to really think on these things and falling asleep to Master's
voice is very calming. Almost like reading a child a bedtime story.
The
Ipod plays all night and it definitely makes a difference when I wake
up. I feel like pleasing Master. I haven't lost who I am, but I feel
more like being there for him, then waking up and wanting a cup of
coffee. Instead I wake up wondering what I can do to please Master.
Last
night Master made some new recordings. He pulled a few orgasms out of
me, and then on all the recordings said that whenever he said a certain
phrase, I should orgasm. He is teaching me to cum on demand. Well
because I was so horny, when I first started listening to the recordings
and I heard that command, I came! I was surprised! Master was up in
his bed, and when he heard me he started laughing. He loves hearing me
cum!
So I think I came
like 4 different times while hearing the recording as I fell to sleep. I
enjoy my pet bed. I love being chained from Master's bed to my collar,
which is locked on at night. Master is really stepping up his game
with me and I appreciate it. I am really feeling like he respects my
want/need to be a true slave and serve him.
I
am hoping the recordings help. I know that I swallowed his cum with no
problem this morning... I am sure the recordings kept me in the right
attitude. I am hoping that the recordings will help with my self body
image and nervousness to be seen in public. Especially at Beat and
Greets and such. It would be nice to just focus on Master as we walked
in the door and not worry about the other people around. It's a long
process, but I am hoping we are on the correct path.
Master
wanted me to say how I felt about the recordings and cumming on demand
in this blog. I have only listened to his recordings one night, so far
so good. I am hoping to report later on just how effective they have
been. As far as cumming on demand...I don't know that I personally like
it, but I love the way it makes Master smile. He loves it. I think it
may be one of his favorite things. So, because Master enjoys it so
much, I could never stand in the way of his happiness. I am hoping that
this slave can learn/be trained to cum on demand for Master. I know it
will take a long time, but I am in this for the long haul.
I
have a list of things I must get done. Master has planned my whole day
for me, so I would like to finish this off by asking that if you have
read this blog, could you please respond and tell Master and myself what
you think, please? Also, submissives/slaves I am wondering how you
stay submissive for your Master. Master's/Dom's, my Master would like
to know if you have any other techniques. If you want to contact Master
privately you can either email him at BDSMMasterandslave@gmail.com or
contact him on .com, his name is Master Will.
Thank you so much for your time and attention, Sir/Ma'am.
After
the Beat & Greet on Friday night, we found ourselves at the
beginning of Saturday.?? We returned home where Master chose to
implement some ideas given to him via email/.com
Master
challenged me with cumming over and over again.? He continued to make
me cum; I was getting exhausted.? It got to the point that he only
needed to make certain movements or say certain things and I would
gush.? I was so sensitive, so in the zone.? I couldn't believe it, some
of the most simple comments had me falling to the floor in pure
pleasure.? However, the pleasure became a HUGE drain on me physically,
and pushed my mind into submissiveness that I hadn't felt yet.? He was
making me cum with just words.
Let
me explain... I don't orgasm much... It takes me a VERY VERY long time
to orgasm.? So, to finally get many out of me over and over again,
without even touching my clit was amazing!!!? We were up until 7 am on Saturday.? Total exhaustion took us and we finally went to bed.
We
woke up at 10:30 am knowing we were going to meet a couple who also
share this lifestyle.? Master started me cumming again.? I was still so
sensitive and he kept messing with me while we were getting ready.? I
was so horny, so turned on.? Master would laugh and be pleased each time
I orgasmed.? To see Master pleased with it, made it okay, even if it was for a small word or in public.
We
finally got in the car and headed to meet the couple.? On the way,
Master would say things that would get my pussy pulsating.? I would just
completely loose it!?
We
got to the coffee shop and met the couple.? They were wonderful and
down to earth.? I have a talking problem.? I talk way too much and tend
to overwhelm conversations.? The rule is I cannot join the conversation
unless I am asked something directly or Master gives me the permission
to join the conversation.? It is starting to work.? I am finding that I
won't ask to talk unless I have something that really lends to the
conversation.
Once
Master gave me the go ahead, I engaged in the conversation, asked
questions, answered questions and just over all enjoyed the day.? The
couple was a very nice looking couple.? They were generous and polite.?
They shared information and we talked vanilla life as well.? It was our
first time meeting one on one with others who share this lifestyle.? It
went very well.
To
be honest, when the Dom in the couple moved his seat next to mine I got
a chill of worried and excited.? Master has been discussing our long
term goals with me, and it scares me and excites me at the same time.? I
was wondering if Master was setting us up for a long term goal.? I felt
myself wanting to be touched.? I mean, my pussy was already soaking wet
before we got there.? Master's enjoying himself at the coffee shop
talking to this couple was keeping me wet.? My sex drive was in
overload, and I wanted that Dom to just touch my leg, to see what Master
would say.
In
my calmed down state, I know that would not have happened at all.? I
cannot be touched by another without Master's permission... and maybe
that's why it was okay to feel/think that.?
We
really did seem to get along with the couple and as we were leaving, we
talked about meeting again, which honestly almost got me down on the
ground with another orgasm, but I maintained composure.? We hugged
goodbye and to hug both of them made me feel good, not just sexually.?
There are people we get along with, who seem to like us to.? We aren't
alone, we aren't freaks!? Okay maybe I'm a freak, but not alone!
When
we got in the car, Master said something about enjoying the visit and I
came hard!? Master was quite happy with that.? The rest of the day I
kept cumming, but it slowly dropped off.? That was the most amazing 24
hours of our life!!!
Of
course now that the stimulation is gone, it is hard for me to cum
again.? I did get a taste of how I want to be.? I would love to be able
to give Master pleasure at the whisper of a few words.? Master is very
focused on getting me over me accepting who I am in public.? I think it
may actually be a good thing.? I seem to be more focused and able to
complete tasks.? It was amazing to be able to have pleasure myself so
quickly and it be my Master who makes it happen.? The control he had
over me to make me cum over and over again, even in public was AMAZING
and I wanted it to continue.? I wanted him to continue to control every
aspect of me.
I
loved meeting that couple and sharing ideas.? It was great seeing
Master feel comfortable talking and making friends.? We didn't have to
be fake about anything with them and I saw Master actually sit back,
relax and enjoy hanging with others.? It didn't matter that it was
pretty much vanilla.? What mattered to me is that Master was finally
comfortable and happy.
I
understand that my Master and our friends will be reading this post.?
In my blogs, I do not lie and I do not hide things.? I understand that
what I have said could put me into more intense training, or encourage
things to move in a new direction.?? I want to state for the record that
I am Master Will's slave.? I only follow his orders and direction.? If
it is his will that we move in new directions then it is his choice, not
mine.? I will do as I am told.
I
thank you for listening to the feelings and actions of Master Will's
slave.? Thank you in advance for any comments/questions/etc.? It is by
hearing from you that I learn more and more how to serve my Master
properly.
I
attended my first Beat & Greet this last Friday!!! I have been to a
fetish club with Master before, so I was kinda expecting that.
However, the BDSM scene isn't as forward in San Diego, as it is in Los Angeles.
We
drove to the location it was being held. It wasn't too hard to know
where because we saw people outside the door that we were pretty sure
going to the same place we were. Master and I wore all black, so that
no matter what everyone else was wearing we would fit in LOL!
We
went through the door person (keeping track of how many, only 50 people
at a time). We went up the elevator to the door. Master and I looked
at each other and he opened the door. Wow, very very tiny! It was a
flat turned into a nice little BDSM
retreat. We filled out the paperwork and started to walk around. We
saw the cross and many different floggers/whips. We saw many
spanking/punishment furniture. We saw a cage with the padding on top.
There were restraints, paddles and such along the wall.
There
was a medical scene there with an exam table, a dentist chair and many
many medical toys. Then the furthest room had a place to do knot work,
and suspension. We sat there most of the night.
After
we sat down, a gal and her two friends came into the area. The gal
started practicing particular restraint knots and then more detailed
knots. She answered some questions and took volunteers. My pussy was
very wet at the time and I so wanted to volunteer, but Master hadn't
given me permission to be vocal. At one point the gals needed some help
with working the pulley.
Master jumped in to help. He was now part of the scene and I could
feel my pussy lips swell, I even felt a little woozy. He pulled on that
chain and made that gal straighten up and become unable to move. I was
so turned on. I don't know if it was because he could do that to me,
or that Master was in a scene with others. I have thought about it and
still am unsure.
There
was a gal who seemed to need an awful lot of attention. She seemed to
want everything done to her. So it got a little too focused about her
than learning new knots. Master and I decided to look around. We saw a
gal who was bent over in a spanking position where about 5 different
people were touching her. I was amazed at how open everyone was. Some
people stay clothed while playing and some were naked. They were
comfortable with their bodies. I mean this wasn't a model shoot for
Taboo or anything. There were all types of bodies, attitudes,
personalities, etc. For the most part everyone seemed to be comfortable
with their bodies, except for me. I wanted to participate a little,
but was ok with Master not engaging us in any play, because I was uncomfortable with how I would look.
I
was not the shortest, fattest, most pale, etc... yet I thought these
people, all of them, would think I was ugly, unattractive, wishing I
would put my clothes back on. So I am glad we didn't take them off to
begin with.
For a
while we sat on this padded ottoman that obviously double as some kind
of kink play area. There we watched a friend we had made on show a couple of people the different types of floggers and how they feel when used correctly.
After
a while we ended up over near the cage. Master ended up sitting on it
for a while. The all of a sudden a few people shove this girl in the
cage under him. Master and I were interested. I kept looking down at
the cage and she kept showing her crotch. Master got down to have a
look. Master and I wish we had a bigger place so we could have a cage.
Seeing it being used seemed to increase that wish.
My
feet were sore in my boots, so Master lifted me up onto the cage. The
whole time we were there we really didn't interact/talk to too many
people, and Master was there to get advise and share. He finally heard a
conversation that gave him the open door. He introduced himself to
this guy. Next thing I know the guy introduces himself to me and
begins to talk about how to make this lifestyle 24/7. He was in a
committed relationship and they are 24/7.
While
talking to Master he wanted to show him how to immediately put me into a
submissive mode. He told me to get on my knees in front of Master. I
did. I was looking directly at Master's crotch in front of all of these
people. I was a little embarrassed, but it was starting to melt away.
The guy then showed Master how to control me easily by grabbing the
back of my head and moving my head around. When he was doing that, I
caught a glimpse of Master. He was looking down at me and I could see
he was very interested in implementing what he was learning. It was
just a quick look, but I could see it and that is all it took. I didn't
care where I was... I wanted to feel like that again. That look is
what I wanted and pleasing Master is all I cared about. Just typing
this is causing the feeling all over again. When he was done, the guy
said so, but I stayed there on my knees looking up at Master, waiting
for his next command. It felt like I was begging with my eyes to him to
control me and command me to do something that would please him. The
guy then said see now she is waiting for your next command, she is in a
submissive mode. Master told me to get up and I did.
It
looked like it was time to wrap up and leave so, with that little bit
of advise, Master and I left our first Beat & Greet. We are now
learning of more meetings/club dates/munches. I am wondering what they
will be like and how more submissive I can be to Master.
Thank you to those who held the event and to those who talked to us and gave us advise.
Yesterday
was very intense. Master had been away for a while and to be honest it
was hard to get back into our routine and remembering things like
saying Master. I don't know why that one is so hard for me.
I
had passed my inspection and Master took me to an appointment. When we
got back, he mentioned my disrespect and lack of following rules to me.
I was concerned but figured a good flogging was in order. That's how
he usually handles these things. Nope!
Master
ripped my clothes off and raped me. Now they say you can't rape the
willing, I disagree. The amount of force he used intimidated me a lot.
It was the first time I saw him take punishing me so seriously. It
didn't matter if I cried out (as long as the safe word isn't uttered of
course, which I didn't) he slammed my pussy hard with his cock. He was
beating me while he fucked me very hard. I felt a few tears a couple of
times.
Usually if I
cry out Master would stop and caress me and calm everything down. This
time the cries made it worse! When he was done with me, he told me to
use the restroom. I can't remember exactly what happened, cause I was
kinda in shock.... but I messed up when I talked to Master. I'm not
sure if I had swore, not said Master, looked him in the eye... I really
don't remember, because the punishment is all I can remember, that and
there are four rules, only four and I better learn them quick!
Master
was so pissed, literally! He forced me into the bathtub and made me
get on my knees. He told me to open my mouth. I knew what he had
planned, he was going to piss in my mouth. This is a borderline issue
for me. I understand being pissed on... but in my mouth? I honestly
wasn't even turned on, so that wasn't even in the mix for me. I
definitely was NOT in subspace at that time. I bawled! I cried and
begged him no. He kept telling me to open my mouth, and I kept
refusing.
Master tried
prying my mouth open, but I was so scared and worried that not letting
him do this was my only concern. Master then went and grabbed the
dental gag, I fought him and lost (almost lost a tooth too). He had
the gag as far open as he could. Tears covered my breasts. Master
then began pissing on me, first my chest, then my neck, working his way
to my mouth. I swear Master had been saving up two days worth of piss.
He just kept going and going. He then pissed on my cheeks and my chin.
I kept raising my head as far as I could to keep from getting anything
in my mouth. The smell was horrible. I felt a few splatter droplets
hit my tongue, but thankfully Master was kind enough not to piss
directly in my mouth.
I
was covered in this smelly mess, crying. I cried out promises and
admissions to stuff, I probably didn't do, but I felt horrible. I was
raped and then forcibly pissed on. Then he turn on the shower as cold
as can be to "wash" off the piss. It was shear torture. This was his
first time for disregard to anything I felt or said. He had a
plan/mission and he carried it out without any hesitation. I guess he
had already worked it out in his mind what he needed the end result to
be, and I think he got it.
After
cleaning up properly, I found myself actually respecting him more than I
already did. He has shown me to what limits he is willing to go. He
has shown that he is NOT going to stray from the goal we set together a
while ago. I do know if I said the safe word, he would have stopped,
but I can no longer count on him stopping for a few forced tears. He
has learned what my true limits are as well. Now that he knows where my
real boundaries lie, I think the training will be truly on course. It
may not take as long now to be trained enough to know I AM his slave
fully.
It's scary and
exciting at the same time. Master isn't fucking around anymore, he
means it, and I know that I better give a lot more than I have been.
This isn't about his follow through anymore, it's about his domination
over me, and I better start learning to respect that he is in control.
I
am sure some of this comes from the advice that has been shared with
Master, as well as him being tired of having to punish me for the same
stupid mistakes over and over again. I am definitely hoping that there
are subs/slaves out there that can advise me. Those of you who are
experienced, I need advise on coping and learning to get those things
into my head and not forget to follow those damn rules. I would
appreciate any help.
Thank you for your time, advise, and attention, Sir/Ma'am
Yesterday
my Master came back home! It was nice to have him back, even though I
had messed up my legs, and was afraid to show him.
Master
greeted me by shoving his cock in my mouth, I was so happy :-). He and
I talked about the week, and what things he felt I needed to change.
He plans on working on my daily routine, so that I don't have to have
reminders, I just know to do it.
Before
going to bed, Master put a hood on me, blindfold and tied me down so I
couldn't move. He proceeded to torture my breasts and smack me with the
paint stick. Master put the dental gag in my mouth, sat on my chest
and put his balls in my mouth, as he jacked off. He kept talking to me
about him cumming down my throat. I was so wet, I wanted to suck his
cock and couldn't! Then he released into my mouth, but I wasn't allowed
to swallow. I had to hold his cum in the back of my mouth. (no he
didn't take a picture, I wish he had so I could have seen) Then he told
me to swallow, and of course I did. He was claiming me back, and I
loved it.
He then
tortured me with the vibrator, I never was allowed to cum. He then put
me on the floor on a dog bed, chained me to the bed, and made me sleep
there, like an animal.
This
morning when Master woke me up, I sucked on his cock and he came in my
mouth and I swallowed. I can't eat unless I swallow him every morning.
He pulled up his pants and went out the door for the day. It's good to
have Master back. I feel more comfortable now!
Yesterday
I was trying to get ready for Master to return today. I thought I
would take care of certain things, like dying my hair and shaving, etc.
The
hair turned out great! Nice bright red, just like Master likes. My
legs, are a totally different story. I had decided to use Nair. I have
used it before with no problem. Well, 1 minute into having it on my
skin and I was dying! The pain was horrible! I hopped in the shower
with a washcloth and soap and tried to clean it off as quickly and
thoroughly as possible.
When I got out, the entire back sides of
my legs, from the bottom of my ass to half-way down my calves...chemical
burned. I have been fighting the welts and pain for over 24 hours now.
It has left me sick (can't keep anything down) and unable to do
ANYTHING!!!
I was wondering if anything like this has happened to
you? I am also curious to know what the Masters out there expect from
their slaves for grooming. Do you expect your slave/sub to be
completely hairless from the armpits down? How often do you require
your slave/sub to do a grooming to that extreme? I am curious as to
what other slaves/subs do out there. Please email me and let me know,
or comment at the bottom.
Thank you for your help, time and attention, Sir/Ma'am.
In my getting ready for my Master, cleaning up and shaving and such, I ended up with a chemical burn from using Nair, this has never happened to me before.
I was wondering what do you or your partner do to get ready?? How is the slave/sub suppose to be groomed?? How do you maintain it?
Thank you for your help, time and attention, Sir/Ma'am
So, the question I am sure I
will be asked over and over again is why have I decided to adopt this
lifestyle? What has driven me to wanting
to give myself over to one person, fully?
My first answer of course is
that my Master is the love of my life. I
married him before this lifestyle; I chose to be with him the rest of my life
before we even discussed trying this lifestyle. Even if he had chosen not to do this, I would be with him the rest of my
life.
I know though, just as you
probably suspect, I have a deeper reason, maybe a few which drives me to want
to be not just submissive, but completely submissive and take the role of slave
seriously. I have been thinking long,
knowing not only do I need to answer this question for others, including
Master, but I too need to know.
I know that I have been
forced to be responsible, in charge, making decisions, and giving up some of my
childhood, thus being unable to live free, and being who I really want to
be. With my husband?s career, I have been
put in the position of being Mom, Dad, lawyer, teacher, etc. I have had to go 6 months at various times,
being these people by myself. It drains
on you, and you just wish someone would come along and take all these burdens
from you and allow you to just be who you always wanted to be.
I have always felt a little
fake. I absolutely hate fake people, and
so I loathe myself. I know there is a
difference between being polite and being fake, but to ensure a spouse?s
career, you have to be careful. You can?t
support things you might normally, because it could hurt his job. Also, you have to fake being strong and be
there for your children, by yourself. I
have always pretended to be a strong person, and it has completely ruined
me. I have an illness that I believe has
been made worse earlier than it should be, because of this.
I have a certain faith, I
don?t necessarily subscribe to a specific doctrine. In my life I have practiced many different faiths
and I have chosen a little from each one that makes sense. NOT that support what I want to do, but
getting rid of all the dogma involved. In getting spiritual support and needing support for my family, I go to
a specific church, but feel I cannot be me, because what I believe isn?t
totally in line with the church we attend. I have yet to find a church that believes what I believe, so we go to a
church that is as close as we have found.
My faith leads me to wonder
how to be completely submissive to a God I cannot see/feel/hear. How do you turn everything, your whole world
over and trust completely that if you do everything that is required that you
will be loved and safe. Perhaps if I can
be completely be submissive to my husband/master, I can use what I have learned
in my walk of faith.
At this time I can hear
people scratching their heads. How can
you go from BDSM to believing in God? I
am not sleeping around with people. This
is something I am doing with my husband. I want to learn to respect him more, appreciate him more, and be able to
show it to him. As I stated, my faith is
unique and I believe that as long as my husband and I are together in this, we
are doing nothing more than strengthening our bond as husband and wife.
As a child, living with a
single mom, there were high expectations for me. I was expected to get nearly perfect grades,
be in all sorts of clubs/sports/etc. These expectations were not applied to my sibling. In my teenage years, my mother got very
ill. I was expected to take care of her,
alone. When she got worse, I was blamed
by my family, not her illness or their lack of their help, but that I must have
done things to make her condition worse.
My mother was in the
hospital or living with her parents a lot as well. During those times I had no discipline at
all. No one cared when I came home, if I
came home, what my grades were etc. I
went from a strict lock down to nothing! I tried very hard to get their attention by being bad, okay a goody two
shoes version of being bad. No one even
noticed. So, I got worse, and
nothing. However, every time my mother
got worse, it was always my fault.
The lack of consistency and
boundaries confused me and it has left me with the inability to make personal
decisions. I can stare at a birthday
card and not know if I should keep it or throw it away, because it may make
someone upset that I threw it away. I
have a hard time with boundaries that involve emotional decisions. I cannot make decisions on who I should or
should not trust; I usually chose incorrectly. I don?t know how to speak up for myself. When I do, people say I have changed or that they fear that I may hurt
them. If I don?t speak up then I become
a door mat for everyone!
My illness causes the
inability to remember or be able to decide how/when to complete projects,
chores, items, etc. I can know something
needs to be done, but I do not know how to start it, or if I have completed it,
how to clean up/wrap it up properly. If
things aren?t scheduled and followed up on, they get half done, lost, or not
touched at all. This is a part of my
life that bothers me so much. I believe
that my word is all I have. If I make a
promise, then I do everything I can to keep it. With my illness, that makes it nearly impossible.
I feel this lifestyle will
help me make boundaries, following lists/schedules, know what is expected of
me, and I won?t have to make any decisions on my own. I will have discipline, learn to be myself,
be comfortable with who I really am. With help I will know who to trust and who not. I will learn how to overcome future guilt of
hurting someone. I will learn to
understand my wants/needs and how to express them properly. I will learn to love myself for who I am,
instead of trying to be what everyone else expects me to be. My husband/Master knows me. He knows who I am deep inside, and it is my
hope/want/need for him to bring that back out. That person has been lost along the way of my life. I hardly remember her.
I know that Master wants her
back. I know that is who he fell in love
with and that is who is really inside, she just needs encouragement to come
back and to learn how to be in life again. This isn?t a journey about sex (however, it helps!). This is a journey about finding myself, my
soul, my purpose, and my ability to love those who matter to me, as well as
myself.
Why do I think this is the
way to do it? When we played around with
BDSM, I noticed the next day, I would feel different. The more often we played, the more I opened
up, the more I realized that there was something to this. I noticed that my love of writing came
back. I noticed that I felt freer and
open to things. In the last month, my
relationship with my youngest child has gotten better. He says he has more fun with me now. We definitely talk more and he feels more
comfortable coming to me. My Master has
seen changes in me as well.
Yes, there are questions
Master and I will have to answer as we go along. Yes, there are some things that contradict between what I am accomplishing and the
lifestyle. I understand that things
aren?t going to be cut and dry. This
journey with Master is the step we need to communicate with each other. We will finally feel comfortable talking
about our wants/needs/morals etc. I feel
this will bring us closer and together he and I will tackle the contradictions
and how to tailor all of this to fit us. It?s going to be a long process, but I welcome it with open arms and
hope/pray that this is the step needed to finally be myself and live a long
happy life.
Functioning without structure and sleep is very very hard.? Master had just gotten me to this wonderful glorious point, then had to leave on business for a few days.? I am dying... not just from the inability to cum (try as I might), it just won't CUM!~ It's from the lack of discipline, structure, follow through and presence.
I am lost without Master.? My thought process is slow and weak, my joy, escaping through a leak somewhere, each day.? Even this blog is suffering.? I am at a loss for words.? (Master would say that was a miracle and a break through)? I have a couple of friends who are keeping me grounded, but even more who are trying to undo what Master has accomplished with me.? Last night I swear everyone knew Master was gone and I hadn't said a thing.? Three people wanted me to cyber with them.... where is the respect of asking the Master over the slave???
I have been thinking about our future.? This one is kinda hard.? We know we want to eventually add people into our lifestyle, here and there, but not sure where it all fits in, how, what about jealousy etc.? I'm not just talking about me being jealous... but Master too.? When I met Master I was bi-sexual and he knew it.? So to bring up girls in sex talk, definitely helps :-)? Master is a typical male who would love to see his slave with another girl.? I chose to give up women when we got married, now this brings it all back.? I am bi-sexual, and I get the chance to show my Master (not now but sometime in the future how I can love a woman too.
I am wondering how the rest of our community deals with bringing in others.? Did it help, destroy, etc???
Saturday was the start of the intense training of my slave.
Up until this point I was using mostly discipline to illicit the proper
responses from my slave. Discipline is a good tool to use when you are training
a slave but it is not the only thing that can be used. Today was the day we
introduced degradation, humiliation and verbal reinforcement of what I expect
out of my slave almost to the point of ?brainwashing?.
Some of the goals I was working on with my slave are for her
to stop swearing during our training sessions. Keep a proper eye line, proper
decorum, and to continue to call me Master and not to forget, and to be able to
appreciate my cum when it is given to her.
The day started off with some painful discipline light at
first, didn?t want to break my precious slave right off the bat. This was to
set the stage for what was to come during the day. I had the Training Of O on
the screen for her to stare at with proper eye line while I brandished my riding
crop. She is coming along very nicely with the proper eye line but every once
in awhile she will turn towards me to look at me. Every time she looked at me
she would get beat harder for her to remember to keep a proper eye line. By the
end of the evening she was keeping a straight eye line. Areas I like to strike
are the buttocks, thighs, and the breasts.
Now was the time to step up the game with humiliation. We
went to the bathroom and gave her a proper enema. She has gotten use to a small
portion but this was the second time I inserted a full bottles worth. She was
able to hold it but she needs to work on self control, she wasn?t able to hold
it very long. Once that was done I left her in peace but next time we will work
on the embarrassment part and I will be with her the whole time.
Now that she was thoroughly cleaned out we proceeded to the
wrapping up in saran wrap. This is the portion of the evening we work on
humiliation along with ?brainwashing?. I attached some E-stim electrodes to her
pussy and ass and had her listen to a voice recording of me instructing her
that pain is pleasure, I am in control, and she wants my cock and cum. This is
where we train her to enjoy my cum. Once she was wrapped up I commenced with
the pain portion which she is doing remarkably well with the E-stim. About half
way through of the torture I inserted the dental gag we bought to keep her
mouth wide open to accept my cum. She needed to pee and asked to pee and I told
her she wasn?t through with the scene and she peed herself thus the
humiliation. Than I came in her mouth for her to accept and she could do
nothing but have it on the back of her tongue and swallow it.
Once I let her out I degraded her for peeing herself and
that is when the tears came of the embarrassment. She is learning to overcome
her embarrassment and accept her place in this relationship. I took her to the
shower and pissed on her as well. She is learning quite fast to accept my piss
on her. She isn?t complaining about it. She needs to start to learn to ask for
it and enjoy it like a good slave should.
She was now cleaned up not to soil my bed I laid her down on
her stomach and tied her to the bed. She has never complained about being tied
down and in fact she loves it. Well tonight she wouldn?t this time. The
intensity of the pain I inflicted her on was more than she has endured before.
I thought she was to the point of accepting it but she wasn?t quite there. She
needs to learn to accept more pain in her training. My slave did endure a lot
so I have to give her some credit also she refrained from any swearing which is
always good practice. I give her an A for that.
Things we will be working on in the future are more
humiliation and degradation of this slave. Any ideas would be appreciated. We
also need to work on performing in a somewhat public setting. I don?t mean out
in the real world but at a BDSM party. She needs to overcome her fear of being
naked in front of other people. She does have a self image issue but she needs
to learn that it isn?t about what she feels about her looks but what she feels
about serving her Master.
I am writing today to talk about the
love/want/need to have my Master's cum.
Over the last weekend, I have learned to
appreciate the great gift of my Master's cum. Before this weekend, I
had no problem sucking cock, I did have a problem with cum in my mouth
and swallowing it. I was great at the great porn star move of letting a
little get in my mouth and then pushing it out between my lips to look
as though he had filled my mouth so full it was coming out on it's own.
I would then lick the back of my hand to get the taste off of my
tongue.
To me, cum was a
nasty taste. Very rarely was cum in my mouth ever tolerable, let alone
a wanted thing. We had even tried having Master eat specific foods to
make the taste good enough for me to at least try to swallow... but it
just wasn't happening.
Just
as I had learned to make pain something pleasurable (which it is), I
have learned to make eating my Master's cum, an amazing experience. I
learned that it has nothing to do with the taste. Your mind decides
what tastes good and what doesn't. If you change your attitude, you
change how you think and feel about it.
A man's cum is special. A woman can cum
numerous times in a row. Where as most men cannot. So when a man cums,
it may be a while before he can do so again. It is precious, special
and not to be wasted. Master could cum right away, enjoy his orgasm and
be on his way. However, he holds out so that I can be trained,
punished, tested, enjoy what is being done to me. How dare I insult him
by spitting out something he himself has withheld for my benefit. It
would be disrespectful not to thank him properly for worrying/caring
about me enough to hold out.
I love and respect my Master. I would do anything for him, so
why was this such a barrier, it shouldn't be. If I love Master, do I
not love every part of him? If it is okay for his cum to touch my lips,
why is it not okay to have against my tongue and down my throat? Why
create such a foolish barrier to enjoyment for myself and my Master?
I have learned to enjoy the entire
experience. I no longer think, will it be salty? Will it be thick? I
now think about how much Master has put into my training. How much
attention he has given me. How many orgasms he has allowed me to have.
Swallowing him, will show him how much I appreciate all he has done for
me. It will show him that I want to serve him to the very best of my
ability and give him the pleasure/joy/attention he needs/deserves. I
could never swallow enough cum to give Master what he deserves.
There is a deep inside need for me to
please Master. That includes giving him one of his most treasured joys.
It took me some practice. First, his cock way down my throat so that I
can swallow him without it touching my tongue. Then his cumming in my
mouth and quickly swallowing as fast as I can. Then is was his cumming
in my mouth with the dental gag. I actually let it sit in the back of
my throat without swallowing, enjoying the fact that he gave me this
wonderful gift. Now I can even suck it off of him afterwards. The more
I do it, and the more importance I give to it, the easier it becomes.
It is important for Master to see the
respect and gratitude I have for all he is providing for me. My heart
actually jumps when I think of him cumming in my mouth. I love my
dental gag and letting it sit in my mouth, waiting to swallow. I get
turned on thinking of swallowing his cum, I mean I actually get wet and
turned on now. I hope in the future to be able to cum just by
swallowing Master's cum! That is a personal goal of mine that I hadn't
shared with Master, but I guess he knows now!! LOL!!!
The mind can set barriers to happiness, but
it can also open the flood gates and finally allow the chemistry of a
relationship and the excitement of the moment to bring in new
possibilities of pleasure into life.
So, I apologize to all the Cum Whores out
there. I have judged you harshly. It was not my place to judge you,
nor did I ever try to understand your love/need for cum. I get it now.
I only hope to expand myself in this way for other items I have
barriers for in my life.
Master,
I thank you for caring so much about me. I thank you for the attention
and consideration for my pleasure. Thank you for sharing such a
precious gift with me. I will now and forever respect your need to cum
and will not allow it to be wasted, as I had in the past. Please
forgive me and allow me to continue to show you the respect and love I
have for you.
WOW!!! My weekend was full, exciting and
painful. I am afraid my Master was so busy, that he did not take video
or pictures. Yes, I am bummed too, but, it also means he spent all his
time and attention on me, which makes me very grateful that he valued me
that much.
Friday
night, Master demanded that I visit him at his work, so I was there for a
few hours, which caused me to not get everything done I had wanted to,
to prepare for Master on Saturday. However, it did help Master get a
few more fears and hang ups out of me. Master told me to go home and
get some much needed sleep. My collar was to be off (It was chaffing
me) while sleeping and I was to be naked. He told me not to set my
alarm or to worry about being awake when he arrived the next morning.
I woke up to Master slapping my collar on
and spanking my ass. "Good morning Master!" :-) Let the Games Begin!!!
Now I want to be honest and tell you I can't remember everything that
happened or in what order it happened. I remember how I felt more than
what was happening to me.
I was worried and a little excited I knew that Master was going
to pull out all of the stops. Master announced that I was not allowed
on the furniture. I was on a leash for most of the morning.
Master worked on degrading me a lot. It
was to show me my place. He had made me hug the floor while he beat me,
he pissed on me a couple of times, and he also made me eat cat food.
It was one to see if I would do anything for him and two to degrade me
and embarrass me.
Master
gave me a full enema, and I wasn't able to hold it this time at all. I
got severely beaten for it.
I know that Master had used rope to tie me up and beat me with
his new riding crop. Hopefully that is something Master can blog about,
because I am not exactly sure, what beatings and such went with which
forms of being tied down.
At one point Master wrapped me in Saran Wrap, hood, mask, dental
gag, E-stem on my pussy and left me on the floor. He cut out two holes
for my nipples, which he pulled on and tortured. He whipped me, and
especially my exposed nipples. Master sat on my face, made me lick his
balls and his taint. He had the training of O on the Big Screen TV,
which every once in a while I could hear. Master had made a recording
of his voice telling me who I was, what I liked and what I was to do.
It played over and over and over. It said things like I was a whore,
slut, HIS slave, that I loved his cock, his cum and that all I want is
to have his cum in my mouth. It was working. Master loved cumming
directly down my throat due to having the dental gag in.
While I was wrapped up, I felt the need to
urinate. I begged him to let me out to pee. He said no. He said hold
it or be a dirty slut and piss on myself. I held it and held it. I
kept begging and he kept saying the same thing over and over to hold it
or piss on myself. I couldn't hold it any longer, I pissed myself
something bad. I was sealed in this plastic wrap and the piss had no
where to go. I kept peeing and couldn't stop. I was covered from my
waist to my toes in my own piss. I begged to get out and Master said
no. I was to stay there for the full 3 hours. I felt dirty, literally
and mentally. Master handle this well. I was feeling lower than low
and when he finally let me out, I cried because of what I had done. Did
he hold me and tell me it was okay? Nope. He screamed at me for
pissing myself and that I was to be punished for not holding it like a
good slave would. With that, I believe he was on the first REAL
stepping stone to my submission. Embarrassing me and degrading me,
seemed to be working.
Master
also had me do other things, like dishes naked, pushups, slapping my
own pussy with a paint stick.
I usually can write more fluidly, but to be honest, what really
stands out for me is all the pain, and feeling very dirty and ashamed.
The recording that Master made had really helped push me over. I know
by the end of the night it was Master's goal to leave me outside naked
for the night. He was going to chain me to the fence, leave me water
and cat food, go inside and lock the door. Master had gone outside and
found that the weather was way too cold for me to be outside all night,
so I did not have to endure that.
In retrospect, after talking, we felt maybe
he should have followed through and left me out there for at least an
hour. I would have been okay for an hour out there, but being naked in
public, chained like a dog, and left to eat cat food and water out of
pet dishes, may have done more to help. It is still on Master's radar
to do that to me.
Master
had beaten my ass so hard with the flogger, paint stick, paddle, hands,
etc that I couldn't sit down. Master was upset the next morning
because for some reason my ass doesn't bruise. I did have bruises on my
tits & thighs, but not on my ass, and he had been hitting it
extremely hard all day. However, it still really hurt, actually there
is still a little soreness today!
As a slave going through an over 24 hour
period of training, abuse, degradation, etc I can say that it is very
exhausting, painful, and rewarding. Rewarding you ask? Yes, I was able
to overcome some obstacles of being ashamed of liking my lifestyle. I
was able to find a love and want to really sincerely please my Master. I
also found a love of Master cumming on my face or in my mouth and
swallowing (it was not my strong suit).
By Sunday morning I was begging Master to
cum in my mouth. I wanted to swallow his cum. I felt a satisfaction of
pleasing him, and it was starting to make me wet to swallow him. In
fact I would say it will probably be a morning routine for me to wake
Master with a blow job, and start my breakfast with his cum. All day
Sunday I kept begging him for his cum. He allowed me to, a couple of
times :-). This morning, Master woke me by pinching my nipples. I then
moved over his cock and sucked and sucked. I learned on Saturday to
ask Master where he wants his cum. I tried to please him by accepting
his cum on my face (something he likes), without asking him where he
wanted it. I got beat for not asking and for wasting good nutritious
cum. So this morning I asked him. He wanted it all over my face. I
now also know that if he cums on my face, I need to clean his dick with
my mouth and swallow what isn't rubbed into my face. Which is exactly
what happened this morning.
Master is still training my ass. Daily there are things in my
ass, training it to be comfortable stretched so that Master may
comfortably fuck me in the ass whenever he chooses. So, on Saturday we
did some ass training too.
So, the purpose of this weekend was to break me, make me submit
completely, so did it work? I say yes, Master says not quite yet.
Master is right, I am sure had I been put outside, I would have
completely broken, but he was worried about my well being. I do know
that, I am just a hair on this side of completely submitting to him. I
personally feel I am ready to sign the Master/Slave contract.
Why the need/want to be a slave 100% and
serve this man? I have been in control (really forced to be in control)
all my life. In order to survive and make it in life, I have had to
take care of people and myself. I had to be responsible all the time.
My life was stressful. I had gone through 10 lifetimes of crap and
fought to keep my head up. I am tired. I am tired of being
responsible, tired of making the decisions, tired of working hard and
getting nothing pleasurable in return.
My Master and I have been together for over
18 years. He hasn't always been my Master, but he has always been by my
side. I trust him and know he will care for me. I trust that what he
chooses for me is the right thing. I know he would never purposely do
something to me that would seriously harm me. The more I trust him, the
more I want to serve him. The more I want to do for him and to please
him. In return, he cares for me, protects me and takes the stress of
everyday decisions and stress away from me.
So does that make me a mindless robot? No.
Master values my opinions and values. He takes them into
consideration, but only when asked for, or when I have properly asked to
speak to him about these things. I am a huge talker. Sometimes I
don't know when to shut my mouth. I am not a gossip... but sometimes a
suggestion turns into a lecture. So this lifestyle actually is teaching
me to only speak when I have my thoughts together, and it is important
enough to mention.
This
blog is what Master has provided me to be open with everything I think
and feel. I am allowed to "talk" as long as I want. Master uses this
as a training tool too. He reads my blog after it is published to the
public. If there are things I shouldn't have said, or if I reveal
things I shouldn't have done, I do get reprimanded. It doesn't stop me
from blogging though... in fact if anything it makes me want to blog
more. I'm learning so much about myself that I didn't know.
That's the journey, that's why I chose this
to be my life. I am learning to not care about what others think, just
what the person closest to me thinks. I am learning to be myself, and
know what I want, what I like. I am learning that I have needs/wants
and that I need to stop focusing on all those people out there who have
sucked the life out of me. I am learning to make the most important
relationship in my life to be the one I work on. As a couple, Master
and I have been growing stronger and closer. It's been a long time
since we felt this way. It honestly has saved our marriage.
So yes, I am a slave to my Master. Yes,
this is my lifestyle 24/7. Yes, I enjoy swallowing cum and doing sexual
favors for my Master. Yes, I enjoy doing everyday tasks as punishments
or commands. Yes, I am finally enjoying life!
As a slave it is not my place to ask a
favor.... however, I will risk the backlash to submit this request to
all of you... please contact my Master and ask him to blog his point of
view from this weekend. Many of you have already asked me what he
thought, where he thought I have progressed to. I would love for him to
blog and tell you what I couldn't remember or what I was unable to
experience as a Master. His email address is
BDSMMasterandslave@gmail.com
This slave is feeling different today. It
can't put it's finger on it, but something is different.
Yesterday, this slave and it's
Master got into two huge arguments. It was huge, like this slave was
fighting for it's life. Eventually Master got this slave out of the
anxiety attack, and next thing everything is calm and peacefully, like
nothing had happened.
This
slave worked on a lot of homework and chores. When Master returned
home, he beat it's ass, shoved the anal hook in, and then took it
shopping for Saturday's Marathon of fucking, beating, torture and
hopefully finally
complete submission. This slave is hopeful that even if not broken, it
will be the biggest step yet.
Master
took his slave to a pet store to look for a pet bed. He couldn't find
what he wanted so he took this slave to IKEA, where he found a huge pet
bed for really cheap! Next was a trip to Lowes where Master bought a
lot of chain and some locks. Then
we went to Pleasures and Treasures to find a locking collar, and they
didn't have any in stock. It's gay pride weekend and it's really busy
in that area right now.
Then Master took his slave to The Crypt. He found a new riding crop
he liked and he also
bought a dental tool that keeps this slaves mouth wide
open. This slave was scared but definitely wet!
Master brought his slave home and made it sit on the
couch and watch tv with
the family. That anal hook was in deep! Very deep. After "family time", Master shoved his slave into the
bedroom, where he opened up all the toys. He chained his slave to the bed and locked the chain in place. He
practiced with the riding crop.
This slave remembers the dental
thing in her mouth. To be honest as the beatings got harder and harder,
the less this slave remembers. There are flashes of events, but not
enough to be able to write it out. Perhaps Master would like to write in this blog a couple of
times, explaining some of what he did last night. This slave is hoping
Master will blog about Saturday as well. :-) This slave remembers a lot of beating, a lot
of pain, some crying, and then at one point, and overwhelming feeling... it was odd. It felt like
the whole world had stopped. This slave was confused and disoriented.
Then Master mentioned something in the Vanilla part of our world, and
the feeling left. It was amazing, but scary at the same time. There
are no words to describe it correctly. That feeling was the goal for
this slut's night.
Later
in the night, that feeling came back, but in smaller size. Master's
slave really can't remember most of the night. The videos and few pictures
spark a little of memory. However, this slave woke up a different
slave. First the bruises, dried cum, chains, and such, told the story
of being completed fucked over. Then the feeling of wanting to do
things to please Master hit. This slut wants so bad to do what will
make him happy. No, it isn't broken yet, but it's definitely in the
right direction.
Master
chained his
slave to the bedroom. The chain is locked and there is no choice but to
be stuck naked all day and in this room where many things have
happened. Already this slave has folded laundry rocking on a butt plug.
Master sends commands all day to the cell. For some reason, the
motivation to do his commands asap, is huge. It has never been like
this before.
It is
scared but looking forward to tomorrow. There is much to do to prepare.
Master is preparing to take it to the next level. His slave is
waiting to do his bidding.
I'm so
upset I had this journal half written and then a few moves on my
computer, and poof, gone!
I have been a bad girl and because of
that I have punishments to complete. One of those punishments, journal
for 24 hours about how my day goes.
I woke up this morning to a
frantic Master getting ready for work, he over slept. (I know, I
know, if I was fully trained, it would be my responsibility to make
sure he is ready for work, but I'm not there, yet, probably sooner once
Master reads this). After Master said goodbye and gave me the orders
for the day, I fell back asleep naked and with my collar on.
My
eyes pop open in what seemed just seconds. What is that noise? It's
my cell phone telling me it's time to get up. I can't find it, and
then realize it is out in the dining room. I sadly take my collar off,
and put on my robe, find the cell phone and stop the annoying noise.
I
start a pot of coffee to share with family. Then I grab my Cream of
Wheat with some Splenda
brown sugar, and start my first meal of the experimental "Food
Control" week. Yeah.
I sat down with my breakfast, take my pills
and start blogging. I finish my blogs and publish them. Next step,
hang out on Collarme.com,
Facebook, and Bondage.com to find friends, ask
questions, and get a general feel for the community.
I then open
up the files to update Master's records on me. Yep, I'm a secretary
and a slave (which just happen to be the same thing, different name).
Master keeps track of my punishments, grades, notes on how they were
completed. Done.
Then I update the regular files. Master has
added that choking me helps get the job done. Hmmmm.. I guess
I didn't realize that. Must ask Master politely about that tonight.
As
I am updating files, Master starts texting me. Oh yeah flirting with Master
via text, gotta love it... got a little moist too! Master was a little
"hard".
I go back to working on the computer. Master wants me
to keep a log of what I am eating. So I make a spreadsheet that will
log my calories and fat intake everyday.
I look over at my cup
with Cream of Wheat still in it. I can't have lunch until I finish bfast, I have
to eat it all, but it's cold. I suck it up and put it all on one
spoonful and shove it in my mouth. It wasn't the greatest, but I ate
it all up, just like a good girl should.
One of my punishments is
to take 3 different pictures of myself naked doing something, print
them and offer them up to Master as an apology for being a slut.
Master has already decided what pictures he wants, so I comply with the
first one. I am to lay on the bed facing the long mirrors, spread my
legs, play with my pussy and watch myself enjoy it, and snap, take a
picture. It wasn't as easy as it sounds...hard to take a good picture
when you are suppose to be looking at yourself in the mirror. I played
with myself just enough to get wet, and to get a decent picture!
I
check my emails and find more emails on Collarme.com. I
like this site, because people actually want to talk to you. I had an
interesting interaction with Sir Mike. I also got some good
information from Mike of Colorado. BTW - Master has a lot of emails to
respond to now :-)
Next I got up from the computer and decided to
pull "lunch" out. As I ate lunch, I washed the dishes and wiped down
the counters. Master was a little stressed about the kitchen... but I
had already started it, before he talked about it to me.
As I
looked at my punishments, I realized I needed to start this journal,
before I forgot. At 2 pm it is my job to go get cleaned up completely
and be ready for inspection, by Master.
As I was just about to
leave my computer Sir Mike decided to give me a present... he sent me a
picture of his rather impressive cock. I would hate to deep throat
that baby! LOL!
So
I began my cleaning routine for Master. Ass check, pussy check, mouth
check, body check. As I am checking off things, I get a text from
Master, he's coming home early!!!
I rush to get done and into
greeting position for him. I go into a present position so that he can
inspect his slave to make sure she's in proper working order.
Master
walks in the door and walks straight towards me. He smacks my ass a
few times and then pulls my pussy lips open to see how ready I am. I
have passed!!! Now Master has me get dressed, we are going shopping
for something new to our treasure chest....... A full sized enema bag!
I was a little shocked, but quickly got dressed and hopped into the
car with Master.
We first went to Rite Aid and had no luck there
at all. Next we went to Walmart... we looked and looked. Then
Master asked an "associate" where the enemas were and she says out
loud, "ENEMAS???!!!???" OMGosh, I'm already embarrassed and then
this woman screams it at the top of her lungs? I swear Master paid her
to do that. Finally, Master went to the Pharmacy and asked where Hot
Water Bottles were, and they pointed right to the kit. Now Master
starts walking me around Walmart with this Enema kit!
Master
made it easier by playing a game with me. We would point out a woman
and tell each other if she was "AMAZING" "FUCKABLE"
"ORAL" (her giving of course) or "NOT AT ALL". What was cool about
it, besides taking my mind off of the enema kit, was that we found that
we both have the same taste in women. LOL
So, we checked out and headed
on our way, when I got the worst dry mouth/throat. We stopped at
Starbucks and I got my coffee. Up to this point I hadn't had a single
gram of fat, so I was allowed :-). Off to home we went!
Master
immediately called me to attention and then demanded clothes off and
collar on... I complied. We quickly got right back into our groove.
We set up the enema kit, and Master controlled the water flow. Wow!
What a rush! Master put the whole hot water bottle in me. I had to
stay there holding my water for three minutes. I asked Master after
three minutes if I could use the restroom. He stated he would let me
know when it was time. He was forcing me to hold it longer. Finally I
couldn't take it anymore, I begged and pleaded and Master let me take
care of my needs. It was definitely a new feeling. I had had enemas
from those little disposable bottles, I had never had one from a hot
water bottle!
I sat quietly as Master responded to some email and
looked around online. After responding to what seems a nice couple,
Master resumed his agenda with me.
Master wrapped me in
industrial sized saran wrap. He wrapped my breasts all the way down to
my ass. He wrapped it tight. Then he laid me on the bed and shoved a
ball gag in my mouth. Then I heard the snap of the flogger. Oh no!
Master beat my ass over and over again. He got me pretty good and I
started moving my legs badly. Master decided that I needed help. He
tied down my ankles and my wrists. There I was, left exposed with no
way to defend myself. He flogged me, spanked me, and then he went onto
an online chat and asked what he should do to me. The response was
flog her on the back of her thighs! OUCH!!!
Master then decided
that it was time for the inflatable butt plug, however, unfortunately,
my asshole hasn't learned to follow Master's orders. Everyone out of
the asshole, it's closed for the night! I had failed at the
punishment... an F?!?! Damn! Out comes the punishment box... so I
have to pick one.... CRAP!!! "Slave must take ALL previously taken
pictures, print them, and make a scrapbook for Master to look at and to
force his slave to look at." I loathe this, I don't like looking at
myself. ::sigh::
After a few more whips of the flogger and
Master decides it's dinner time. Time for me to eat alone, leashed to a
bed, and eating baby food peas out of a pet dish. Master made it worse
by making me pose in pictures. He made me "pretend" it was turning me
on for this to happen, and then took the pictures. The rule is, if I
don't finish what's in the dish, I can't have anything else. I ate
almost the whole amount. I was just full, because I still had the saran
wrap around my middle.
Master left and had dinner and watched TV
in the living room with family, while I was left alone in the bedroom,
eating this slimy looking, gritty tasting baby food. I tried very hard
to finish it, and when Master returned he let me know that I did a good
job.
Next we had to complete my next punishment. Master looked
at videos online, while jacking off. I was at attention and could not
participate. I wanted to badly. Last time I had this punishment, I
tried to suck Master's cock. I wanted to do better, to get a better
grade. So I watched him and it made me a little jealous and majorly
turned on. I wasn't even allowed to touch myself. Master took pitty on me
and gave in a little by allowing my tits to be a receptacle for his cum.
Thank you Master!
Master had released me from the saran wrap
and I was a little euphoric. Master then started beating me again. He
was using the paint stick. I finally hit subspace as he got harder and
harder. He used his bare hands too, but I was in love with the sting
and pain of the paint stick. I'm sure my ass is bruised! Master then
put a double vibrating dildo in my pussy and my ass. He tried to fuck
my ass and pussy with it, instead I started pumping on it myself. I was
feeling immense pain and pleasure at the same time. Master whispered
to me how this was his body, his pussy, his ass.
Then
I did something that surprised both of us. I asked Master to take me
outside and fuck me. You have to understand that we live in quadplexes.
There is absolutely no privacy. We have one of the busiest roads that
run right past our house. Master got us set up outside, the weather was
perfect, a tiny chill once in a while, and mild. Master brought the
video camera and it had a light on it, as if to say, "Hey everyone look
over here. Whore is servicing, come watch!" I was nervous until he put
the double dildo back in. He first made me say things, like "Fuck Me
Hard", but soon it was all my idea to say those things. Master then put
his cock in my mouth and fucked it, while we were outside! Our cats
(all of them) watched and were making odd noises. I begged Master for
his cum and he came down my throat, I didn't spill a drop :-)
It
was an amazing night with Master. We got cleaned up and fell asleep
watching TV. Tomorrow, chores, punishments, and MORE!
Thank you
for your time and attention, Sirs and Ma'ams.
Master has for me and my smart ass mouth a punishment box.
It is a small container filled with 62 different punishments that I
will probably end up performing at least once each. Not because I want
to, I'm just being honest!
If I break
a rule, mouth back (not much of a problem now), etc, Master determines
how many punishments I need to perform. I then take out 1, 2, 3 etc
punishments. Master reads them to me, and they cannot go back into the
box until I complete them. Master says that I picked them, so I must
want to do them.
The punishment box
has been around for a few days, and I have racked up quite a lot of
punishments. Sometimes, Master will punish me with pain on the spot,
but the fear of what I will pull out of the box seems to be more
anxiety for me, then the pain on the spot punishment.
So would you like to know what punishments I have done
already for forgetting to say Master, for swearing, those are my major
hangups, and I am really trying to learn. So here they are, the
punishments I have completed and the grade that Master gave me. If I
get an F, I have to pull another punishment out of the box. Master
will use the grades to determine what I need work on, and whether I am
improving.
Punishments: Slap Pussy with Paint Stick 5 times: B- Wax on Tits: D (need to build up a tolerance) Flick Nipples Twice: D (to be fair, they had been overly
abused just before the punishment) Slap
Face Twice REAL HARD: A (Master says he'll do it harder next time) Clean the Toilet while Naked and leashed to the bathroom:
D (my fibro had a reaction to the chemicals and we had to stop, next
time it will be with just soap and water) Master
watches porn/chat/mags and cums while Slave watches, Slave cannot
participate or touch herself: C (I kept trying to suck Master's cock) Slave Slap her own Pussy 5 times with Paint stick: C
(Master said it wasn't hard enough) Eat
Master's cum out of a cat dish: B (he took pictures and videos of it) Mind Game, Master feeds Slave blindfolded with different
foods: B (he made me eat a spoonful of horseradish sauce and a spoonful
of tabasco!)
I am currently charged
with the following punishments that need to be completed within 24
hours of receiving them (or sooner if Master chooses), except where
stated:
Denied Orgasm for 48 hours ( I
hate this one badly)
Journal My Next
24 hours (I just don't know where I will find the time, besides, my
life isn't very exciting until Master comes home)
Slave must take pictures of herself doing tasks naked,
then photoshop them, print them, and present them to Master as an
apology for being dirty slutty disobedient slave.
Slave will remove all toys from chest and make sure they
are super clean.
Slave will take a mile
walk. (guess that will help with weight loss, I hate exercise)
Slave will take a triple sized enema and hold it for
three minutes, then allowed to release and clean up. The will take an
inflatable butt plug in her ass, and it will stay there for a full day,
with Master playing with the controls.
Slave is to eat 10 Green Butter Rum Balls in a 2 hour
period and be ready to submit to 5 more punishments that Master will
pick just after the first Rum Ball is eaten.
Repeat Punishment (Dammit): Slave will Remain at Attention,
on knees, as Master cums getting off on chat/porn/mags etc. Slave will
not be allowed to participate or touch herself.
I guess looking at what I still have to accomplish... I am a
really bad girl. If I could just remember to say Master every time I
speak. Or in the words of Master maybe I "Just need to Shut the Fuck
up!!!" I actually noted on my sheet that a muzzle may be in order. I'm
not sure I want that though.
So Master
is always looking for new punishments to add to the box. If you would
like to suggest to him some or give us comments on the punishments
listed here, please contact Master at BDSMMasterandslave@gmail.com
Thank you Sirs & Ma'ams for your time and attention,
Sinfully Red
Food Control
This week Master will be experimenting with "Food Control".
I need to get healthy, I need to lose weight, and Master has decided I
need help with that. He and I have joked that he should "lend" me out
to a Master in exchange for him/her paying for my plastic surgery to
remove all my hanging skin, from losing 100 pounds a few years ago. LOL!
Master is putting me on a
puree/liquid diet. I can only have pureed food or full on liquids. I
already can't have carbonated drinks (for health reasons), and that
stressed me out when I was told that! I miss my Dr. Pepper and Mt.
Dew!!!
Back to the task at hand...
food. The lack there of. The need to lose weight. The need to get
healthy. The fly in the ointment.... the rest of the house is going to
be eating normally. All of the temptations are there! I have to
pretend they aren't there!
Master took
me shopping, and to my dismay, most pureed type food is sweet (he checks
the labels) and mostly fruit or dairy based products. Master walked me
to the baby food isle and made me choose the different baby foods I
would be eating. When I was finished picking, he then pick what he
wanted me to have, ewwwww! He picked some
real gross items. We also picked some soup, he was very picky, if it
had chunks of food in it, it was a no. We grabbed yogurt and apple
sauce as well. I was concerned for savory and protein. I asked for
re-fried beans and Master was not agreeing. I was able to beg enough to
get one can of re-fried beans.
The
next kicker to this... I have to eat my dinner naked, out of a cat dish.
I cannot eat with spoons, utensils. Some Master's would have me eat
all my food out of the cat dish. Leave a comment for Master to let him
know what you think about this.
Next
kicker is that once the food has been opened, I have to eat all of it,
even if I don't like it. I can't have anything else to eat, until I eat
what is in my bowl. This is going to be hard for me. Master bought a
lot of veggie baby food, I hate most vegetables.
The last kicker, I don't get to choose what to eat. Master
has laid out what I can have to eat. Today I am allowed (coffee, tea,
water, lemonade to drink) Creme of Wheat for breakfast, a yogurt for
lunch, applesauce for snack, and he will determine dinner after I pass
inspection and all my chores/homework is completed and looked over.
So, how do I feel about this. I have mixed feelings. I
want to eat what I want to eat. However, in doing so, I gained 30
pounds after my huge weight loss. I am going to miss crunch! Sometimes
you just have to have that crunch. Mush for a week is not getting me
excited! I know I need to lose the weight and get healthy again. I
know that I need help in doing so. I also know that Master is using
this tool for other purposes as well. I'm still being trained. I'm
very willful, which means harsher tasks and punishments.
Eating my dinner with no utensils, out of a cat dish...
well I have already eaten cum out of that dish. As long as it's not cat
food, and it's still people food, I think I can handle it. I can see
eating out of the cat dish can actually be a help to me. Do I want to
leave to the bedroom to eat, alone? Do I want to eat what Master says I
will need to eat if I am hungry? Do I want to eat out of the cat dish?
Maybe, this will cause me to eat, only when I truly am hungry. Maybe
this is a good training tool. If I am truly hungry, I will eat the
veggies. If I am truly hungry, I will endure the loneliness (no eating
in front of the TV). If I am truly hungry, I won't care what kind of
dish it is in.
I know once we really
get started (just had bfast), I will be blogging more about this week long journey in
Food Control. Master says he may make this a month long task, depending
on how I am health wise and weight wise.
Have any of you had to endure Food Control? How did you
do? Were you successful. Masters are there any suggestions you have?
Thank you Sirs & Ma'ams for your time and attention.
Sinfully Red
Seeing Myself as a Slave
Master has required
me to blog about my insecurity about seeing myself as a Slave. Master
wants me to be comfortable in public and private about what I have chose
to be my lifestyle for the rest of my life.
I love to be a Slave. My Master is
improving his skills immensely, and he is starting to train me past my
fantasy of being a slave.
One of my many weaknesses is watching myself being pleasured, being
beaten, being fucked, or being humiliated. I love wearing my mask and
my blindfold and going into subspace and completely enjoy my journey.
To take my mask off and make me watch what is happening to me, causes
anxiety. I believe it is the fear that I really am a slut/whore/slave,
etc. Sometimes I do have the pride factor that I couldn't possibly be
those things. I also don't like looking at myself when giving myself
pleasure or receiving it from Master.
We have mirrors for closet doors in our room. Master
has started to make me look in the mirror while sucking his cock, while
pleasuring myself (which I hate to do), and while he beats me and fucks
me. I have such a hard time feeling sexy, submissive when I have to
look at what is happening to me, or what I am doing to others.
I had begged Master to let me suck his
cock. I was enjoying it so much! I was licking his balls and deep
throating him, then he told me to look in the mirror and when I did, I
froze. All the passion of pleasing Master faded away and I was
horrified. First I don't like my body at all. Master loves making
videos and taking pictures of me, and telling me how hot I am, but I
don't see it. I am fat! Not kidding, FAT! I lost 100 pounds a few
years back and the skin is everywhere and makes me look larger than I
am. I am pissed about it and I wish it was gone! I also, feel like I
shouldn't enjoy, enjoying myself, even if it is for someone else.
So, as I am sucking Master's cock, I
look in the mirror. He demands that I look in the mirror for 20 seconds
while I suck him off. At first all I was doing was barely stroking him
with my hand, with the tip of his cock in my mouth. Then he pushed my
head down, driving his cock deeper in my mouth. I wanted to please him,
but not while I was watching. I was able for the last 5 seconds to
suck him a little better. As soon as he let me look away, I was
ravenous on his cock.
Later,
Master was fucking me from behind and whipping me. He was forcibly
shoving my head down as he drilled his cock deeper in me. Then he
grabbed my hair and pulled my head up and demanded that I look in the
mirror and see myself being fucked. I kept wanting to close my eyes,
but the pain got worse every time I closed my eyes, even if I blinked! I
was panicked because I don't know how I am suppose to respond while
looking in the mirror, should I be still? Should I moan and make faces.
It's hard when you are looking at yourself. I did as Master commanded
me to do. The best thing about looking in the mirror is I can see how
pleased Master is. I saw the look on his face, as he pulled my head
back by my hair, causing my back to arch and pushing his dick deeper in
me. Master likes me to watch because he wants to know that I am loving
everything he does to me.
Master takes video and pictures now of everything we do. In the
pictures I have my mask or at least my blindfold on, because he plans to
put them on the internet. That's another fear. If he puts these
pictures up will people say gross to it? Will they see my body or will
they feel my submissive energy. Will the comments be "I wouldn't touch
this cunt if you paid me", or will they be turned on by my willingness
to please? There is always the "what if" someone I know figures out
those pics are me?
That
concern got bigger last night. One of the punishments (1 of 62) that I
pulled out of the jar was to watch Master get off on his own, by
watching porn or whatever, I had to watch him, but couldn't touch him or
myself. That was hard, very hard. Then another that was pulled out of
the jar was eating Master's cum out of a cat/dog dish. I ate the cum
out of the dish, and I found out that Master filmed the whole thing and
took pictures of me, licking his cum out of the dish. When I saw the
pictures today, at first I was kinda turned on, but then I realized it
will go on the internet for others to see, and all I could think of is I
come off as a slut.
I
am trying to come to terms with the fact that I want to be a slut, I
just don't want anyone to know that, I guess. If I am a Slave, I am a
slut. I love pleasing my Master, but I don't want anyone to know that I
do. I have to get over this. I am sure Master has more stuff planned
for today to help this process.
If you have any suggestions for me or Master to help me
deal with this problem, we would really appreciate it. It's definitely
holding me back in being the best Slave I could be for my Master.
If you can help us, please email Master
at BDSMMasterandSlave@gmail.com
Thank you Ma'ams and Sirs for reading my blog and
giving me your attention.
Sinfully Red
Cumming in Public
My
Slave name for this blog is Sinfully Red. I am currently in a
committed relationship, in which BDSM is becoming our way of life.
Currently Master is training me, and trying to get me to break and
become completely submissive to him.
Master has demanded of me to blog, to help with fear of
being embarrassed/humiliated, certain events that happen to me. Today
he has told me to blog about my experience yesterday in a local grocery
store.
After I had
prepared for inspection, I got into position to be inspected by Master.
He spread my ass cheeks apart and played with my asshole. After
meeting his approval, he had me stand at attention as he spread my legs
and started to push a very cold, metal anal hook into my ass. It felt
so good to go in. I was happy to have it in my ass and actually rotated
my hips so I could feel it move.
Master tied the anal hook to my bra, which forced me to
walk very proper and keep my eyes forward. Master then took me to a 99
cent store, where I swore people could tell under my clothes that it
was there. I leaned over to look at something and the anal hook
shifted, it was started to rub up against my g spot.
We then entered a pet store, where
seeing the collars and such got me a little worked up. I loved looking
at leashes. Then Master kinda bumped my ass and this surge of pleasure
raged in my body. Master has been teaching me that Pain is Pleasure and
that all pain eventually builds to an awesome orgasm. So I don't know
if it was pain that I felt or if it was pure pleasure, but I know I
really enjoyed it.
Master
made me walk everywhere we went. The hook kept rubbing my g spot and I
started to get very horny. I had walked into the grocery store and I
was very embarrassed, I really felt everyone knew it was in my ass, and
worse I knew my face was going flush, and that was telling them I was
getting off on it.
I
was able to keep my whimpers to myself, until Master entered the grocery
store. He came behind me and bumped my anal hook and I almost hit the
floor with pleasure. He could see the intensity in my eyes and knew
what to do next. He continued to bump into the anal hook. I couldn't
stop him!! I mean, Master controls me, not the other way around.
Master then gave me this bump and I
realized I was so close to orgasm. I started to pull away from Master,
and he demanded I tell him what my actions and looks meant. I told him I
was about to cum. He smiled. I told him that I was too scared to cum
in front of all these people. He said that was something I needed to
work on. I felt the anxiety rise. People are going to know, what if I
make noise? " I don't want to cum in here Master!!!"
Fortunately, Master knows what is best
for me. He pushed on that anal hook a couple of more times, and my
pussy gushed. I was having an orgasm, in a full grocery store, without
anything in my pussy or touching my clit. This was an ass/gspot orgasm.
This was a public orgasm.
Master caught me with his evil grin, as the orgasm almost took
me to the floor. Tears came down my face from embarrassment. I told
Master I felt humiliated and what if people think I am a slut/whore, and
he said that I was a slut/whore.
It was an amazing orgasm! Could I do it again? I
don't know, but Master will probably find a way.
My Master is looking to find and talk to
other Masters about techniques and other options, maybe even some
classes. If you know of any, please contact him at
BDSMMasterandSlave@gmail.com
