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Friends:
chazIronBear
i will be out of town for a month on holiday; therefore, response time may vary from a couple of days to a week.

*for pictures please e-mail me*

[Spacing is horrible i know--i will work on it...]

First and foremost i need to mention my weight as many have over looked it and then got mad at me for wasting Their time. i am 320lbs at the height of only 5ft. 2in. If this is something You do not like then You wasted very little time and can move on right away.

Now that the weight issue is out of the way and You are still reading, i will tell You a little about myself. i am currently in college getting my Bachelors of Science in Nursing and becoming a RN. i enjoy anatomy (biology) and i am doing well. i love movies, art (both creating and viewing), and animals—among other things.

BDSM

Growing up i always had interests in certain aspects of BDSM. i was an odd little kid but it has made me who i am today. i consider myself submissive at heart. It is not just a fetish and extends outside the bedroom. [This “naturally submissive” quality has nothing to do with being a complete slave to every man that i come across.]

In the recent past i have struggled with the idea of slave vs. submissive and which side of the bottom spectrum i gravitate towards the most. Where i fall on this ‘scale’ keeps fluctuating over the years. i think i have finally come to realize that i am submissive not slave. (You will surely agree after reading the following paragraphs.) my feelings on it in the best terms I can right now would be: submissive slut in the bedroom and at home, “old-fashioned” lady in public, and completely regular up-to-date relationship in front of family.

i want to put ‘slave in the bedroom, submissive at home’ but i do not for many reasons. If i ever use the word slave i use it with great caution and abide by, “human first, everything else second” meaning my well-being (mental) and safety (physical) come before any kink. Continuing on the slave note, i want to be in a partnership. Some may feel a “partnership” rules out any kind of slavery—and even if it does i personally feel the lines are too blurry when in a serious relationship in which two understand and care for each other completely. If two are in that completely loving D/s situation, i do not see how the lines between submissive and slave do not cross over from time to time.

i am about to get into some/a lot of “i don’t want this and i don’t want that” area. So i am going to add a little disclaimer. If a submissive is in a relationship that she hates she should and will probably leave the situation. So why waste E/everyone’s time?

Having said that—preventing that situation from happening should be key. Why should i hold my tongue and become automated to just repeating, “yes Sir, no Sir” and not being able to ask questions or voice concerns when and if the occasion arises? (Heh, i am sure that will get some gasps and hisses but please refrain from yelling “you are not a real submissive” and “leave fake.” Within reason i want to be able to communicate what i am feeling and any concerns i have. i still expect to respect the Dom’s decision but be able to communicate whatever i am feeling in a respectful manner.

That got off topic; however, what i just said is very important to me.

DOMS

First off, Dom does not mean Jerk. i realize it is a problem on the internet because A/anyone can hide behind their computer screen and say/do whatever T/they want, but my concern also extends to abusers hiding behind BDSM to get away with the crap T/they would do regardless of the lifestyle.

What i do look for in a Dom is honesty, being trustworthy and responsible, supportive, loving and caring (but as strict as They need to be.) One who will not shudder at the thought of cuddling or die before saying, “I love you.”

i am looking for a sensual-sadist. If You are not into pain at all W/we are going to have a problem. At the same time I am not into extreme or high levels of pain. (i know those words vary from person to person) You must be a sadist because i need some pain and relish in Someone who enjoys putting me through it, but i get nothing out of it if the Dom is not a sadist.

Breast play is at the top of my list, so if You are a “breast man” that is great. You also need to be into ssbbw’s (super size bbw) i am tired of Men who settle for big women because everyone else rejected Them. i also need someone who takes care and control of the body, mind, heart, and soul—making sure emotional (and other) needs are not swept under the carpet.

Other Important Notes

i am looking for a 24/7 D/s relationship. Most of the time i expect the influence of D/s to be mental and situational (i have no interest in always asking permission before i speak, walking 3 paces behind You, being chained at home all day, etc.)

The best way I can think to describe the majority of public life is to relate it to an old fashioned power balance where Men wear the pants and They have final say. (with special care to minimize this around family becuase they strongly disapprove.)

Interests and Limits

Now that You think i’m naggy, bitchy, and long-winded (lol) here are the lists that E/everyone wants to see.

Interests:

24/7 TPE

Bondage

Breast/nipple torture

Hair pulling

Face slapping

Restraints (& shackles)

Giving oral (or face fucking)

Anal sex and play

Candle Wax

Caging (and confinement)

Humiliation

Objectification

Pet play

Spanking

Paddles

Whips

Crops

Canes (light)

Rope

Age Play (Daddy/girl, AB)

Breath play

Blindfolds

Cupping

Water Sports




Limits:

Blood (for the sake of blood)

Scat

Animals

Kids

Branding

Cutting

Burning

Mutilation

Curious (but scared):

Needles

Turn on's:

High Heels

Rape

Roughness

Pain






10/15/2010 9:30:43 AM
As of 10/10/10, i am engaged!










3/14/2008 5:48:14 PM

i would like to take a chance to display a more in-depth description as to what i view to be a relationship where i would be whole heartedly content and happy with sustaining on a 24/7 basis. i shy away from giving specifics and delineating a ‘plan’ that will be viewed as being controlling and stepping outside the appropriate boundaries for a submissive. [topping from the bottom is a coined term that might give the general idea of which i am speaking.] i think though, if One will take this as a story or fantasy of sorts it would be acceptable and allow for the opportunity to gain insight into my thoughts--thereby informing the Reader if i would be happy with Their status quo. Or rather, to peak the interest of One who may read this and feel the same way. 

 

i think it is note worthy that i have not experienced this in a 24/7 manner, these ideals were practiced in a random and casual manner [in a less than 24/7 TPE relationship] when i became aware to the extent of happiness these customs made me feel. 

 

 

i find the following to be in parallel with a 24/7 TPE relationship but find M/many do not agree as i take a submissive and private route [an old-fashioned relationship with a twist] rather than a slave and public route. If at any point You feel the freedom in expression or thought i am articulating to be making you nauseous feel free to activate the x button located in the top right hand corner of your viewing screen. ^_^

 

Terms: i will be using Master/sub but i think Dom/sub, Master/sub, Master/slave, Owner/pet could all be interchangeable within different relationship dynamics and the ‘story’ below could have an infinite number of variations suiting each lifestyle[ protocols and whatnots] So please sit back, enjoy, and view it as a little entertainment.

 

 Examples given where necessary -M: denotes Master, s: denotes submissive.

 

Morning Routines

 

 

Some mornings it would be hard to discern between this household and any other during the hustle and bustle of getting to work on time. However, there is a good chance that choices and assistance out of sheer nature would fall towards the Master. [which happens towards the dominant in ‘regular’ relationships as well-but is likely to happen at a greater rate than on the average]

 

s: “what would You like for breakfast?”

 

s: “can i get You anything?/ can i do anything for You?”

 

 

 

On other occasions it could be quite obvious. Example would be little cues which could prompt a protocol. When the submissive is called a certain pet name she is from that point to address the Master as Sir every time she speaks until the end cue is given-for instance, leaving the house or being called by her real name.

 

kitten go prepare breakfast and make Me two sunny side up eggs with a piece of toast.”

 

“Yes Sir, anything else?”

 

“you are/are not to eat with Me this morning. you shall eat before, eat after, or eat out of a bowl on the floor”

 

“Yes Sir.”

 

 

Evening Routines

 

Depending on the schedule of the Master and submissive, the submissive may have a plan to follow. A possible example would be to always have dinner ready at the time the Master has given for that particular day. Instructions and submissive participation would vary depending on orders or the extent to which said activity would be manipulated varying from ‘”normal” house wife activities’ to a ‘”kinkier” play scenario.’

 

The submissive was told to have dinner ready at 6:00 pm

 

The submissive was told to have lasagna ready at 6:00 pm

 

The submissive was told to have lasagna ready at 6:00 pm and to serve the
Master as a maid waiting while He eats in order to be at hand if He needs something. [Therefore, the she would eat after He is done.]

 

The submissive was told to have lasagna ready at 6:00 pm and to prepare her plate to be on the floor at her Master’s feet.

 

Even though normal household chores and other work would keep both the Master and submissive busy, the submissive should try and be aware of her Masters state and offer the appropriate services. 

 

s: “You look tired, want me to massage Your feet/back?

 

 

The submissive should be thankful for all attention and opportunity awarded her, negative or positive.

 

s: “Thank You[for giving me the opportunity to serve You], Sir”

 

s: “Thank You[ for correcting me], Sir”

 

Public Routines

 

Generally speaking, no one has to know what W/we are doing. i do not condone public play. i will never accept the fact that family has to know what is going on. [Quoting from something that was said to me, “I will not hide the fact you are My property even in front of family, you will follow all protocols and if you break them I will discipline you right in front of them.” lol, really now?] i do not think, however, that control has to be sacrificed. An example could be eating out with or without other people. Without: You could literally pick my order and tell the waitress for me if You wished. With: W/we could talk prior, and i would be given instructions like, “Water and something with chicken in it,” or be told to order whatever Master orders—the other guests would have no idea but W/we would know.

 

 

Free Time, Weekend Routines and General information.

 

The submissive is allowed [within reason] both hard and soft limits. (i personally believe if two people have drastically different limits they are not compatible—something that should be worked out prior to starting a serious relationship) Anything new of consequence should be talked about prior to enforcing.

 

It would not be out of the ordinary to have no explicit play time besides general respect and servitude on any given day.  In fact, whole days could pass without even a protocol—of course to the discretion of the Master.

 

At all times the submissive will be available sexually. When told she will promptly and with out hesitation get in the position and location she was instructed and wait to be used or start servicing depending on the situation. she will also participate in whatever aspect of BDSM her Master requires. It does not matter whether she enjoys the activity or hates the activity, as long as it is not on her hard limit list that was previously recorded and agreed upon, she is to act content and to be thankful for any attention and opportunity she is given.

 

Protocols may not always be in effect and may be prompted as indicated above. During these times or not, the submissive may ask for things, give her thoughts [speak freely], and voice concerns in a respectful manner—all of which may be refused or over ruled. They are not, however, to be taken lightly or disregarded.

 

The submissive is/is not

 

The submissive is not worthless or dispensable. It is a caring and loving relationship much like a marriage. Anyone who thinks this submissive is just a slave, property to be used, abused, and then trashed and thrown to the side when the next one comes along is not welcome within my life.

 

Submission a gift? Definitely, but so is the guidance, love and care the Master gives to the submissive. 

12/2/2007 8:20:51 PM
Okay, well... i get a lot of comments about my handle 'sillyfool'  anywhere from i love it to it makes you look like an idiot and no one will take you seriously because of it.   i end up explaining it over and over again so i thought i would just post it in the journal and maybe that will reduce the amount of times i am bludgeoned to death by comments and questions.

i got the name 'silly fool' from a movie i watched that was directed by Alfred Hitchcock called Rebecca.. it is an older black and white movie from 1940. i was turned on by the whole movie--the way the main character, a girl, was treated (the way women were treated back then) fragile, kinda stupid, in need of protection even from themselves, etc. One line in the movie called the female character a 'silly fool' and it just made my whole body twitch with delight... and i'v kind of held onto it from that point on. i do not think i am stupid or fragile but i love the whole needing to look up to a man, being 'under' them in a relationship, etc.
anya33
 
 Age: 49
 Wine Country, California