Silentchaos20

In my life I have to hide the true me, I feel like a stranger in my own skin sometimes. I know that in this life it is hard to find the truth in one person to love them with pain and a hunger that is never fed. I have only found one and in this search a struggle as I see it not to faultier my feelings for the ones I own. I have a Secret Life and BDSM is this life. I never thought at a young age after being raped myself that it was possible to desire to inflict pain upon others. In the times I found myself being the best I could be with a whip in my hand. In all my searching I have found no one that really would make me faultier. I had one girl and one boy I loved so very much, but my obsession was short lived when he left and then she left on her own. I want to be able to find that again. The Obsession the torture, the pleasure, the hunger with me satisfied. But until that day I am nothing more than half the Domme I once was. I want passion and pain, tears and bruises, I need the one to be the many I am hungry for. Like this Journal it has meaning but then the table turns and you are in my hell my dungeon my young victim to be destroyed and made my personal whore. 

SilentChaos20

Dominant PRAYER

To the power more powerful then myself,  I was born in a way that has sometimes left me mystified  Always reaching to guide those about me  Needing to know that they are fulfilled before true fulfillment reaches  in to caress my soul I have compromised, in many cases, to allow another to be fulfilled  Wondering all the while how it is that they can not see me first, as I  see them  I have found myself pushing away all, in denial of my need to always  consider another first  Needing to be the one to consider others more needy then myself The world about me thinks that  that giving completely is reserved for those  who submit  That serving another is not for the "strong"  How could "they" be so wrong I love that I am the one who can be turned toThe one to solve a problem The one to set the direction The Top The Dominant Please help me to remain focused on this need to walkto the frontTo always stop when a searching soul reaches out for a hand upTo always be strong enough to pause when all isinsanity To always surge forward when all has stalled And to give all of me to becoming ALL Please help me to know when the hand I extend needs to be soft When it needs to be harshWhen it is needed to wipe a tear or crush a fear When it is needed for punishment And when all that is needed is a hug Please let my nature push through the world about me that questions I am a Dom I can be no otherLet me be ALL that is right..... 

Silentchaos