shhgirl

Not sure what I am really doing back on collarme but I am here and the same old same are here too nothing much really changes .  If you want someone to talk to cool send me a message , if you want someone to laugh with even better send me a message .  I am putting an honest message out there as I am not wanting to be someones submissive , or someones toy ,  I just want people to mix with who accept me for me and who dont expect anything but honesty and a trust in friendship .

may everyones festive time be full of peace , joy and be safe .  Looking forward to a wonderful new year :)

What bdsm means to me

It?s been a fascinating journey this lifestyle called bdsm , and I am not even sure one can call it a life style more a part of who I am really . It is funny how people perceive bdsm to be , all ropes and concentual violence , letting the man or women take over and lose all identity and become a none thinking person . 

The best way to describe what bdsm means to me is probably to write down my journey as each encounter has helped me come to where I am now .

When I was young I always wanted to please people , I always hated and still do dislike seeing people unhappy , people just would put that down to be being kind hearted and perhaps they are right . As I progressed though out my teenage years and adulthood I experienced a range of relationships , so called vanilla, I would continue to be myself however not knowing fully what it all meant or letting  my true self shine , my roles were still the same , to make my partners happy , no matter how unhappy I was or how un fulfilling things were .

I did learn later what this was about , after a few failed relationships , and a marriage I stumbled upon my very first in-depth encounter with a dominant , although it was short it sparked something in me and for the first time ever I actually felt like I was home . The thing that I was experiencing was just right made me feel good . He was dedicated to me on some level , very much into the bondage side of things , there were aspects that were not right for me but that?s what a journey is all about .  I started talking to another man who made me step back and said that I was not ready to be owned yet or any such thing until I worked out what this all meant to me . He took me under his care , and when he said he would he meant it in every sense of the word , phone calls daily , txt messages randomly but always daily to see how I was handling my day to day life .  From the way I spoke with my children to the way I handled my business he was there , and even though he was 1000km away it seemed like he was right besides me . He taught me more about relationships then anything and this is what it means really as a Master and a submissive/slave etc is exactly that a relationship and a deep relationship where what happens to one effects the other . When I was sad he was sad , when I was happy he was happy . He taught me the value of myself , showed me who I truly was . He taught me patience and understanding , supported me in my goals as helped me over come fears , made sure no one abused me on any level , whether it be my children taking advantage of me as a single parent , or my ex husband being manipulative and degrading , he was there even if it was to remind me to breath and not let things upset me .  The challenges the kinks , the pleasure came when he was deep inside my psyche and knew me well enough to push just at the right level , to back off when things were shaky .  Setting tasks to bring out the best in me or help me over come things and then make them with a lovely kinky twist oh that was such a great part of my journey .

When you know a person to the deepest level you can successfully punish them or reward them to a level that they will want to be obedient J  it may seem like a lot of work to some but honestly if you want the most wonderful experience and most full experience where one is completely satisfied. The most influential Master/ dominant described it to me once that will always stick in my mind,? I want to feel your very soul in the palm of my hand , I want to feel your heart beating with excitement  ?

I love the fact that people can be themselves with their partners , and by partners I am using that term very broadly as there are life partners and there are partners in bdsm where it is a relationship as such but a different dynamic .

I love so many things about this lifestyle, the most is that people can let things out whether it be males dressing in female underwear , or being hit with a lovely cane . It is about feeling safe enough to let those fantasies out and to feel good about it .

For me to turn past bad experiences and have someone take control and change that situation or thought as past experiences are experiences but also just a memory .

Those are my thoughts for now.