sensubmaybe

I?m beginning to think this place is turning more and more into ?pay for service? land, foot fetish- ville, and do my housework, run my errands village. Also, the same people are on here constantly. These are the same ones who are here looking for their sub, don?t hesitate to remind us that we, male subs, are worthless dime a dozens and how all the dommes here have their pick among hordes of us, but yet the same people are here all the time. And while I recognize that a lot of them are here to bullshit with friends, play online, etc., there are plenty of ?the usual suspects? who are here seeking that perfect D/s relationship.

Is there no one truly unique? The vast majority of domme profiles say the same things: ?I?m a goddess; I?m a bitch; you should read every word I?ve written before thinking about contacting me; I'm sick of all the fakes and wannabes that want sex; my time is so valuable?blah, blah, blah.? Half of them are barely literate; some are flat out illiterate. It?s hard to picture oneself respecting and devoting oneself to someone to whom English is their native tongue, yet they can barely string together a comprehensible sentence.

I just came back from a weekend rendezvous with a dominant lover. We are both on the east coast but not as close as we?d like, so we have to settle for occasional midway meeting.  She is so good to me and I do everything I can to please her. Our kinks are pretty compatible and she indulges my desires, my passions for her. Fortunately pleasing her is a massive turn on for me, and it goes without saying, for her as well. I love worshipping her body.

I got to our destination first and took a hot soapy shower. Then I got into bed, naked, and waited for her to arrive. When I heard her opening the door, my heart beat wildly. She came in, walked over to the bed, stood over me and pulled the sheet away to gaze at me naked and of course she could see my desire for her.

She showered and I waited for her with an open towel. I helped dry her off and she led us to bed. There she kissed me passionately, caressing my body, stroking me and doing whatever she wanted. Her touch makes my body writhe and arch up, wordlessly begging her for more. She teases me, she holds back until I can?t stand it. And when I felt like I was about to explode with desire for her, she stopped. She put her had on the back of my head and guided me to her breast. She held me there and I could sense her looking down at me as I softly kissed, sucked?suckled. She laid back as I worshiped her body, first with soft kisses, then soft, wet, warm strokes of my tongue.  I heard her whisper encouragement and tell me to bathe her. I bathed her breasts, her chest, up to her neck, then her shoulders, gliding my tongue over her taut slender biceps, then down under her arms and up the outside toward her back.

I followed the contour of her subtle curves down her side, to her waist. I felt her hand reach down and caress my head and slowly slide me to the middle of her belly and then she pushed me down. I love being between her legs like this ? feeling her thighs on the sides of my head, my face in the soft mound of hair and the fragrance of her passion so close to me. So much of this is not unusual, not outwardly D/s, but like certain aspects of Tantra, it is about the underlying understanding between us, the attitude. My sense of serving, servicing her, feeling like I?m pleasing her and the power of that is beyond erotic. Starting slowly, teasingly, I kiss her thighs and lick her legs. I slide down and kiss, then lick her feet, then I fellate her toes, taking each into my mouth and sliding up and down on it, then taking them all in. Then I bathe my way back up to her and again, lay my head between her legs. I kiss the mound of her moist hair as if I?m embracing something sacred. We both moan, expressing our mutual pleasure. This has become ritualistic between us. I know that she wants, expects, and deserves this tender attention. She knows I love doing it. It starts with kisses, then slowly, painstakingly, excruciatingly slowly moving down to kiss those lips for the first time. I feel like a virgin, like a schoolboy, shyly approaching, with almost restrained intrepidity. I kiss her lips and feel the slight sticky wetness of her that has seeped through them, encouraging me to spread her lips and experience the overwhelming wetness of her. Slowly I kiss deeper, I begin to touch her lips with my tongue as if it?s the lips of her mouth and I am working my way toward that first honey coated French kiss. I curl my tongue upward and slightly slide the tip of it between the lips. I feel her wetness coming to me and I can no longer hold back and I lick her deeply, passionately, trying desperately to get all of my tongue inside her body. I feel her start to writhe up to meet the rhythm of my strokes. I slide a pillow under her to better lick the length of her. I know that she will work up to the first of many explosive orgasms and she will feed me this way. She knows the orgasmic please this gives me. If I don?t contain myself I can come just from doing this to her. This is an intimate dance. She knows I will lovingly dedicate myself to her in this way for as long as she likes. I usually want more of her than she can take. I never tire of her taste or drinking her or bathing my whole face in her generous wet warmth.

This is the beginning.      

I once interviewed a famous yoga instructor and one of my questions had to do with the connection between the often simple, physical poses or asanas, and the emotional change that came out of assuming them. My example in the question was the premise that if one was depressed, they could exercise or in this case do yoga and it could have a positive effect on mood. He talked about the power of various positions and movements and how the energy that is connected to our emotions works its way through our bodies in the poses. He talked about how often we reflect physically what we are feeling emotionally. For example, when depressed, we rarely walk with good upright posture and chest out, but usually we are closed, slightly hunched over with shoulders pinching inward. The reverse is true when we are feeling happy, strong, confident and carefree.

Of course the poses in yoga are deliberate and conscious and different poses bring about different physical, emotional and psychological results. That?s one reason that there are different yoga programs and poses for different times of the day and for different purposes, which aid us in everything from relaxation to energy.

I think that in a similar, and even deeper way, some of these dynamics are at play within the context of various ?kinky? acts in the D/s dynamic ? they are expressing complex subconscious feelings that are potentially quite profound. For example, women who are confident and commanding often carry themselves in a certain way. BDSM images often show women ? often ample ? in power poses with hands on hips and legs slightly spread. That stance can imply something bold and daring. Men, sometimes look exaggeratedly cowering by comparison. Other images suggest woman as feminine and striking, sometime nurturing yet dominant in poses standing over a man who is kneeling in front of her as she reaches down to caress his head or pull him into her, close to her. The men in some of these images are sometimes very masculine, muscular figures that allude to physical strength, but yet his position beneath her with head bowed down close to the life source, or look up into her eyes, implies that he is getting his power from her.

It makes me wonder if underlying a true D/s dynamic there isn?t ultimately an implied acknowledgement that regardless of what a man is or achieves there is a maternal debt that will never be repaid. These are perhaps underlying, ?meta? messages that may never rise above the subconscious. They are tied to the dichotomy of the female as both mother and lover. This isn?t to suggest anything overtly oedipal; after all, most of us have no literal sexual desire for our own mother! But if we were to try to break down and verbalize the underlying dynamics of what is going on in the ?kink? -- where the woman stands over the man and they look into each other?s eyes and she sees the man get down and worship her literally at her feet -- there is, for some of us, a highly sexually arousing event that involves the, perhaps unspoken, covenant that he needs to be seen as succumbing to the ego surrender associated with accepting the fact that the dominant woman provides the potential of the guidance, nurturance and love that he got from his own mother, but now fully realized as an adult, including non-maternal, sexual implications and possibilities.

Males are pulled away from mothers in order to pursue the construct of the predominant male archetype. This pursuit is the antithesis of that relationship with the first woman. I think that part of the great turn on of finding a woman who is equally turned on and enthusiastic about her part in this particular kink, with its underlying dynamic, is that it allows the submissive man to let go of that archetype and acknowledge how much he longs for that which is feminine, which was withdrawn from most of us at such an early age.

As consenting, sexual adults these ?meta? messages play themselves out in a way, which unlike as children with our mothers, where we explore this interdependence and the need for closeness with a woman in an erotic, sensual and sexual way.  There is also eroticism and arousal in the privacy of having her, our dominant woman, know of this desire, which to the masculine, outside world is perceived as a weakness. In this way the submissive man is going into the realm of some of the greatest taboos within our sexual society. After all, the idea of that maternal nurturance, love and tenderness is relegated to a brief period of near total dependence associated with pre-birth, infancy and the early parts of childhood. It is outside the mother?s realm that the male learns everything from aggressiveness and the skills needed to compete, to the need to hide anything within himself that shows acknowledgement of dependence and vulnerability, which are traditionally seen as feminine traits and thus considered weaknesses in the patriarchal world. For reasons I am not clear on, there is also a turn on in the embarrassment we feel in revealing this need within ourselves, to a woman. Implicit in our vulnerability is acknowledgement of the woman?s power over us, which at once can be sexual, sensual and nurturing. This acknowledgement -- this covenant that outlines this intimacy and interdependence -- is the antithesis of what traditional masculine imagery does with regard to women: everything from the patronizing of the woman?s place to the assumed subservience that is still a part of the thinking of more traditional men, to in the worst cases, rape and violence against women.

To me it is something as simple as this ?on my knees? kink, when done with the right woman within the context of a trusting, loving relationship, that works through many complex issues. And in spite of the unpopularity of acknowledging the sexual turn on, it is in fact that turn on that attracts many of us to want to make this expression.

I recognize that there are those who consider kink to be something superficial and outside of ?true? D/s relationships. I find this a curious point of view. To me, it doesn?t take into consideration the underlying dynamic behind the actions. It isn?t just about what is done, it?s about what is expressed in those acts deemed ?kink.?