I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.
The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.

Her last project of the term was called, ?Smile.?? The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to?McDonald?s one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.

We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then?even my husband did.

I did not move an inch.? An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible ?dirty body? smell, and there standing ?behind me were two poor, homeless men.

As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was smiling. ?His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God?s Light as he searched for acceptance.

He said, ?Good day? as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said, ?Coffee is all, Miss,??because that was all they could afford.? If they wanted to sit in the?restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm.

Then I really felt it:? the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.?That is when I noticed all eyes in the?restaurant were set on me, judging?my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman?s cold hand.

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, ?Thank you.?

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, ?I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.?

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, ?That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope.?

We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given, were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers.

That day showed me the pure Light of God?s sweet love.

I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.

I turned in my ?project? and the instructor read it.

Then she looked up at me and asked, ?Can I share this??

I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald?s, my son, the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: ?UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to one and all...

Tonight I sit here, reflecting and counting my blessings... this year has had a lot of highs and lows for me... it brought heartache and tears... and more importantly it brought me the man who fills me with love and passion and a sense of home.

I have so many things to be thankful for... my Master, my children, my family... both my natural family and my BDSM family, my friends, all the experiences I have had this past year... both good and bad... I thank God daily for all I have and all I have been given.

My Master sits thousands of miles away from me tonight... yet I know He is thinking of me right now... even though He is so busy back at work... I never quite leave His thoughts just as He is never completely out of mine... Our hearts beat together... always connected.  We are both thankful that God allowed Our paths to cross at the right time.

In a few short hours, Miss Thang and I shall head to our church... there we will help to serve a Thanksgiving meal to those who need a little extra help this year.  I am looking forward to sharing this experience with her as it will remind both of us that while we might be struggling, we are very blessed to have a wonderful family support system as well as my Master's love. 

I am reminded tonight that no matter how hard things get, no matter how much I might be struggling... I have so much to be thankful for if I just open my heart and my eyes.

Please take the time today to look around you, to look deep inside of yourself... count your blessings, thank someone for all that they do for you, help someone who might need a kind word or a hand... you will be surprised at how your life will be blessed even more.

It is quiet around my house tonight... the kids are sleeping... He is on a flight back to the sandbox... and I am reflecting over the events of the past week.

So much has happened, so much has changed... but it has all been for the better... We were given some much needed extra time together... able to reach some important decisions about Our future and work out a game plan so to speak for the months prior to His return.

Unlike last Monday when He was about to fly out (We both had very bad feelings about His flight which led Him to changing His plans and not flying out)... Tonight We were both calm and content with the knowledge that He was leaving.  We were able to enjoy the last hours together without panic, without tears (at least while We were together) and with peace in Our hearts.

Our bed will be very large and lonely for me tonight... but I have His shirt which smells like Him to hold onto as I fall asleep... lots of new memories to keep me company... and the knowledge that He will be coming home to me as soon as He can.

Over the next week or so I will write more about His time here... mmmmmm... however tonight is just about the calmness I feel... and how much I love Him.

Be safe my Master. 

There is a sound that I just absolutely love to hear... laughter.  No matter how stressed out I am, how bad a day it's been, or even if it has been a good day... laughter just seems to make it better...

I have two beautiful daughters, Miss Thang and the Pixie... they are a constant source of happiness and laughter to me... and now they bring absolute delight to my Sir as well... and hearing Him laugh is one of the greatest sounds on Earth. 

Miss Thang gets picked on a lot and called Pretty Blonde by one of her friends... he even taught us Pretty Blonde in sign language.. lol.  She is actually very intelligent but sometimes her common sense... well it seems to fly right out the door when she opens her mouth... for example... last week we were at a friend of mine's house when her daughter asked Miss Thang if she wanted some Cocoa Crispies... well Miss Thang asks... are they the white or brown ones... ummm.... ummm... yeah...

The Pixie on the other hand just spouts out whatever comes out... she just makes you laugh by being so darn cute... she is still young afterall... and this morning she had my Sir laughing while We were on the phone together.  She yelled out... Hey K... I miss you... I miss you... I miss you... so freakin fast that you can't half understand her... but her enthusiasm is so contagious... He and I were both laughing at her.

His laugh is deep and so joyful and makes me laugh even more because it makes me so happy.  I am so blessed with Him in my life and how He is now a part of my children's lives as well.  I look forward to years of happiness and laughter with Him.

I love to play around with my kids and hear them laugh as well... have you ever taken the time to wake someone up by being completely silly with them... tickling them... blowing strawberries on them... running a feather across their nose?  I pounce on my kids a lot in the mornings... trying to start their day with a smile and laughter... although Miss Thang doesn't think it's funny sometimes... she tries to hide her smile... lol. 

We should all laugh more.. imagine what a happier place this world would be if we stopped fighting, complaining and being sour and started telling jokes and smiling more...

So in that spirit... here are a few jokes I heard this morning... good, bad or ugly... just imagine them being told by a young child and his excitement at being on the radio... I was laughing the whole way home...

"What happened to the turkey when he got in a fight?

He got the stuffing knocked out of him.. lol"

"Why do pilgrims pants fall down?

Cause his belt buckle is on his hat (ok groan here... lol)"

"What did the Indian call the pilgrim with a bucket on his head?

Paleface"

Hey... I did warn ya that they might not be good ones... but when told by an 8 yr old... they were quite funny.  Have a great day everyone... share a hug and a smile and a laugh.  You might just make the difference to someone else today.

If you want to understand adversity, take two identical acorns from the same oak tree and plant them in two different locations. Plant the first in the middle of a dense forest, and the other on a hill by itself.

Here?s what will happen. The oak standing on a hillside is exposed to every storm and gale. As a result its roots plunge deep into the earth and spread in every direction, even wrapping themselves around giant boulders. At times it may seem the tree isn?t growing fast enough ? but the growth is happening under ground. It?s as if the roots know they must protect the tree from the threatening elements.

What about the acorn planted in the forest? It becomes a weak, frail sapling ­ having to compete with giant oaks for nutrients and space. And since it is protected by its neighbors, the little oak doesn?t sense the need to spread its roots for support.

Don?t be afraid of adversity;­ welcome it! That?s your sure-fire route to ultimate success.

I stopped to watch my little girl busy playing in her room. In one hand was a plastic phone; in the other a toy broom. I listened as she was speaking to her make believe little friend, and I?ll never forget the words she said, even though it was pretend.

She said, ?Suzie?s in the corner ?cuz she?s not been very good. She didn?t listen to a word I said or do the things she should.? In the corner I saw her baby doll all dressed in lace and pink. It was obvious she?d been put there to sit alone and think.

My daughter continued her ?conversation,? as I sat down on the floor. She said, ?I?m all fed up, I just don?t know what to do with her anymore! She whines whenever I have to work and wants to play games, too. She never lets me do the things that I just have to do.

?She tries to help me with the dishes, but her arms just cannot reach? And she doesn?t know how to fold towels. I don?t have the time to teach. I have a lot of work to do and a big house to keep clean. I don?t have the time to sit and play ? don?t you know what I mean??

And that day I thought a lot about making some changes in my life, as I listened to her innocent words that cut me like a knife. I hadn?t been paying enough attention to what I hold most dear. I?d been caught up in responsibilities that increased throughout the year.

But now my attitude has changed, because, in my heart, I realize? I?ve seen the world in a different light through my little darling?s eyes. So, let the cobwebs have the corners and the dust bunnies rule the floor, I?m not going to worry about keeping up with them anymore.

I?m going to fill the house with memories of a child and her mother? For we are granted only one childhood, and we will never get another.
Author Unknown

17 days... and about an hour and a half... I can't stop smiling... happiness... giddy... peace...

I will once again be able to step into the arms of my Sir, to feel His heartbeat, to taste His kiss, to hear His breath in my ear as He claims me... Mine...

I sit here this morning, watching the leaves falling from the trees, seeing their colors changing daily, hearing the hawk in the sky overhead and think about everything that has happened since I was last in His arms... so many ups and downs...

Nothing in this life is without risks, challenges, obstacles, heartache and failures... but it is the knowledge that there are rewards, fulfillments, triumphs and great loves that spurs us on... keeps us trying and perservering...

The greatest risk... trusting someone with my heart and my future...

The greatest reward... trusting Him with my heart and my future!!!

It is overcast this morning, much cooler than I am used to, almost dreary looking... and it's so beautiful to me.  Wow. 

(I know I rattled this morning... so many different thoughts and feelings inside me... I couldn't really express them all exactly... but... hey... this is me... and I am happy... so what if I am all over the place sometimes... lol.)

A DIFFERENT SIGN

A couple of days ago I was having some very distressing moments.  I was feeling lost and disappointed and somewhat disillusioned.  I was questioning a lot of things in myself and my life and having thoughts I didn't like at all.  My Sir recognized this and called me.  Through His love and patience and support I was able to work through these emotions and thoughts.  I am so thankful for His presence in my life.  When I feel lost or like I am drifting, He knows exactly how to anchor and steady me.

Later on that same day, I was reading the "Words to Live By" online since I missed hearing it on the radio that morning.  It struck me hard.  No matter how hard things get, I have so much to be thankful for in my life.  Sometimes I forget to look around and breathe.  That is what He told me... to take a deep breath, everything is going to be ok... and it is.  No matter how hard things get, no matter how distressed I get... I am blessed and I know this, I just have to take the time to think about those blessings and relax.

I am going to post the "Words to Live By" so everyone can read them and maybe find the blessings in their own lives...

A Different Sign

It is so amazing to me how someone can have such a connection with someone else that even half way round the world, you can sense things with each other.

Worries, excitement, happiness, sadness, frustrations, love... even when there are no words exchanged... to feel the vibes from so far...

It leads to deeper insight, intense conversations, a new awareness and a stronger bond.

Six weeks and a wake up... it seems so far away... yet at the same time... it grows closer with each moment that passes... I can feel His excitement... and His relief... it mirrors my own...

Over the years I have made many friends of all different levels. Some I can still count as friends today, some have faded from my life or me from theirs. A reason, a season or a lifetime... I truly believe in those words. I have watched people pass in and out of my life as well as those who have stayed. I have learned to value each and every one. I have also learned to value the blessings and things that they bring to me.

I have found some of my most wonderful, lasting friendships are those that I have formed with others involved in this lifestyle. They tend to understand and accept me easier without explanation or excuses for why I am the way I am. They offer me guidance, a helping hand, a shoulder, an ear and sometimes even a cupping or flogging. I am extremely grateful for these friendships.

Well over a year and a half ago I formed a friendship with a special person. I found I could laugh and joke and vent to this person without fear of being judged or rejected. We met in one of the chat rooms here and hit it off immediately. We seemed to just understand each other so well. Earlier this year due to my self absorbtion in my job and poor communication on my part, I lost my friend. I know that my poor judgement both hurt and disappointed my friend, something that I never intended to do.

A lot has happened over the last 6 - 7 months, leading to a lot of personal growth and discoveries. A few days ago I took a chance at trying to make contact with my lost friend. Amazingly they responded back. Through several conversations, I have been able to clear up the misunderstanding and have been forgiven. That is such a blessed feeling... to have things out in the open and worked out. It seems as though not a day has passed since we last spoke. We picked up our joking and cutting up and laughter as if we had never stopped. I am so thankful for this rare opportunity I have been given.

To my friend, thank you for your understanding and forgiveness. You are truly a treasure to me.

To everyone else that might read this... take the time to tell your friends what they mean to you. Never take them for granted, and always try to keep the lines of communication open. It doesn't matter if they are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime... they are there at the moment they are supposed to be and they need to know how much they mean to you.

I have been very blessed in that over the last few years I have been involved with some wonderful people, including the man I will always call Daddy, who showed me what it was to be accepted for myself.  Life happened and took us into different directions... but He showed me that I did not have to compromise myself and what I wanted and needed for anyone... I just had to find Another strong enough that I could give myself to.  I found that One in my Sir. 

I am involved with a wonderful Man who takes every chance He can to let me know how special I am to Him.  No matter how insecure I might feel, no matter what issues might be happening in my life, He stands sure and steady and lets me know that I am His and He is mine.  

The last 24 hrs have left me in a lot of pain... physically, emotionally and mentally... but my Sir has shown me that no matter what, He loves me... me... He loves me.   And I love Him.  He is strong enough for me and then some.

It is such an amazing feeling to give myself over to Him and His strength.  Yes.  I heard a song today after talking to Him... it says so much... and describes how I feel about Him.

Martina McBride... I just call You mine... 

I pinch myself sometimes to make sure I'm not in a dream
That's how it seems
I close my eyes and breathe in the sweetest moments I've ever known
It feels like home
And here I am I want to be your everything
There you are
Turning winter into spring

And everyone that sees you
Always want's to know you
And everyone that knows you
Always has a smile
You're standing ovation after years of waiting
For a chance to finally shine
Everyone calls you amazing
Yeah
I just call you mine

I fall apart
Just a word from you just somehow seems to fix
Whatever's wrong
Oh, you reach into the weakest moments
And remind me that I'm strong
You've got to know
I'd be a fool not to see you even worse
To forget that you're more than I deserve

Cause everyone that sees you
Always want's to know you
And everyone that knows you
Always has a smile
You're standing ovation after years of waiting
For a chance to finally shine
Everyone calls you amazing
I just call you mine

Nothing makes sense when you're not here
As if my whole world disappears
Without you what's the point of it

Cause everyone that sees you
Always want's to know you
And everyone that knows you
Always has a smile
You're the dream that I've been chasin' after years of waiting
For a chance to finally shine
Everyone calls you amazing
I just call you mine

Everyone calls you amazing
Yeah, yeah,
I just call you mine

HOME

I am sitting here tonight writing out lists of things I need to accomplish. Some of these lists are things that need to be taken care of quickly... others will take longer to complete. Some are financial goals, some are personal issues that need resolved and others are long term goals for Our future.

Each of these goals will bring me closer to the ultimate prize... having my life in order at least to a certain degree before He comes home to me.

I have finally found Home. Now this is something that I have to explain. I have several homes... some are homes within a home.  I have my home with my friends in this community... they welcome me with open arms and accept me just as I am.  Then there is the home of Daddy (yes my Sir knows and understands this).  This is a home where I am always welcome, where if I need help of any kind I can turn.  Then I have my home with my kids and family.  Lastly I have HOME. This is my Sir. He is my home... no matter where He is... He is home for me. His arms are where I belong, where I long to be, where I need to be. I am safe and protected and loved in His arms.

I finally realized that home is NOT a place... but it is a feeling... it is where you are allowed to be free to be you... it is where you are loved and where you are allowed to love others freely.

My Sir is my home. We have to be patient for a while before We can be together full time but it is worth it. It is SO worth it. I love Him.

So... I will spend this time We are apart completing these lists and getting myself ready... then I can go HOME!

I love You my Sir. Thank You for showing me home.

Let me get inside your head
Let me show you I'm prepared
Let me stick my needles in
And let me hurt you again ....

Seether... Needles

I heard this song today... while I am not into playing with needles personally... this was just so perfect... kinda represents this lifestyle in so many way... do you think the artists meant it that way... or do we twist things like this to fit us? There are more lyrics to the song of course... but these just caught my attention and I had to share them

To me this song represents how deeply I let someone in... what I am willing to do for them... the power they have over me... how I crave my fix from them...

That is what I want in a relationship... whether it is me as the Dominant or the submissive... I want the depth of a mental relationship that leads to the cravings and satisfaction mentally and physically.

Today SUCKS!

I feel completely helpless and the tears won't stop. Somehow I always manage to get double whammied...

I can usually deal with things... but this situation is one I can't do a damn thing about except pray at this point.

I work on the fridges of the medical field and deal with Alzhiemers a lot. This morning I get a call from another family member to tell me that one of my aunts has been diagnosed with Alz. She is like only 57 or 58... and it is in the advanced stages... and the really crappy part is that she is refusing to take any medications which might help her even though they won't cure the disease.

I am several states and 12 hours away and can't do a thing to try to help except give my family some resources to call for support. I have already called my local Alz contact to see who she can put me in touch with in NC so I can get some sort of help for my cousins and my uncle as well as my other aunts and uncles and my mom.

I have seen first hand how devistating this disease is with clients... now I have to figure out how to help those I love to deal with it as well... dammit... she is too young to have this frigging disease.

Time for me to step up once again and take control in my family even from a long distance...

No wonder the submissive inside of me hides so deeply sometimes... she can't just be herself for having to take care of everyone else and handle the situations that no one else is able to step up to.

Add to that my own personal roller coaster... today SUCKS!

But tomorrow I will be stronger... tomorrow I will be able to suck it up and deal with it all... and I will... that is what I do.

PATHS...

You know we all start on a path that we think is where we are supposed to be... then one single event changes everything... makes you change your thought process or direction...

This will happen many times in our lives, from what we want to wear to school, to what we want to be when we grow up, to where we really are in our lives as adults.

I thought I knew myself and the path I was supposed to follow... then some things happened that made me rethink my choices as well as my concept of who I am...

So I did what most people do... I started searching for the path that is right for me... and I started down one...

screeeeechhh... then another moment in time made me stop... made me start thinking again about the path I was on... was this really the right path or was I simply trying to hide?

That one moment in time made me realise that I have spent much of my life hiding who I am and what I truly want from everyone... including myself...

That voice in my head saying... don't go to far... don't lose yourself...

Do I trust that voice... do I follow it... yes, without question I do trust it...

So now I am on a different path... one that twists and turns... promising to never be dull or boring... that allows me to grow in several different directions while still staying grounded... knowing my heart will find its way...

ME

Over the last several months I have been on a roller coaster of a journey in so many ways. All of the ups and downs in my "vanilla" and "kinky" lives as well as all the lessons I have learned have brought changes in my perspective of things about myself.

I have learned I can handle a lot more than I ever thought possible. I am stronger than I ever thought. My "kinks" run deeper and are more varied than I realized. These are all good things... very good things.

I have also discovered I can make my "vanilla" life and my "kinky" life blend together when I embrace who I really am and stop looking at it like 2 different sides. I am kinky all the time, I just live among people who don't understand or who don't need to understand and see all the details of my life. I am a mother... I thought I could not embrace the side of me that needs the edge... that craves the edge... but I am learning I just have to accept myself and all the things I want and need in my life and stop trying to be different people for different circumstances.

When I am asked something about myself... I always respond... I am just me... thing is... I wasn't as accepting of myself... all the different things seperated that make up me... I mean I accepted I am kinky... I accepted that I LOVE to be kinky... I accept that I am a mother, I accept I am a very hard working employee, I accept that I love to read and hate to wash dishes but will do it... but what I couldn't accept was that I could wrap all those things into ONE package and didn't have to wear different hats all the time.

Want an example... well a couple of months ago I went to Universal Studios with someone... while we were there I was told to walk around and enjoy myself all day with a small vibrator inside... but I was only allowed to cum when commanded... here I was riding amazing rides... around thousands of people... yet I was in the throws of orgasm control... all at the same time... I was kinky and vanilla at the same time... and I was in heaven... I was finally, truly... being ME! I didn't have to choose to be one or the other...

I love the journey I am on...

PANIC

Tonight I almost went into full panic mode...

When C came to pick up her kids... I walked out with them... her son being the last out the door... I took the pups with me for the last walk... came back to the apartment... grabbed the door handle... NOTHING... it would not budge...

OMG... it was locked... I almost always take my keys with me just in case but tonight I didn't... I called C... thankfully I did take my phone... her son said he locked it without thinking about it... OMG... panic... I have no extra key... kids are asleep... pounding on the door did nothing to wake them... who can I call... omg... there is no one I can think of to call... my brain is not functioning...

I tied the pups to the railing... start looking at the porch screen... I know there is no way I can make it... I go back and pound on the door again... I end up waking the neighbors... one comes out... a teenager... he comes over to see if he can help... he is willing to scale the side of the building to reach my screen... he gets onto the porch... thankfully I had not locked the sliding door yet... he goes through and lets me in... OMG OMG OMG

Lession learned... absolutely... C will have an extra key as well as at least one other person after tonight... and I won't go out without my keys... and I will certainly pay better attention to small details...

WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!

Nothing anyone told me could have prepared me for Daytona.  The sheer number of bikes and people in one place, the noise, the smells, the sights, the energy. 

We arrived around 1045a and parked away from the main area, deciding to walk to the main street.  It was unlike anything I have ever experienced.  The beauty of the bikes amazed me.  To hear them rev up ... like giant vibrators all around me... lol. 

We did some shopping and walked the entire length of the strip, I found a great leather bag.  Then we found out some of our friends were over in Flagler Beach at Finn's so we went over there... and that is when it happened...

We had to park at the store near Finn's and walk over to it... my friend B meeting us in the parking lot.  As we started over she pointed up at her friends ... I looked up and saw this man standing there... he smiled and waved... as did her other friends... when we got to the top of the stairs B introduced us to everyone... he shook my hand... and the electricity between us felt so real and alive... it was as if we had known each other for years... the chemistry unmistakeable.  We laughed and joked and cut up for about an hour before they decided it was time to move to the next bar... so off to Iron Horse Saloon we went.

He held my hand, offered to get me anything I wanted, made sure I was always in the shade since I was pretty well burned by this point... whatever he could do to make things better for me... and kept telling me to "please don't tease me" when ever I would reach up and play with his nipple rings... he asked if he could take a pic of me... most people would have just done it... God knows I was taking them all day long... lol.

By the time we were ready to leave, I had his number, discovering he lives in the next town over from me and he had my bra as his reward for pampering me all day. 

Without discussion or knowledge, we went into a Ds mode with no effort... it was as if we had been living this way together for years... we text my whole way home, and then talked and texted until around 5am this morning... he asked if he could go to bed... by 615a however I had about 15 pictures on my phone... and his plea to see me again...

We have texted and talked all day... discovering how much we have in common, shared likes and dislikes and his admission that he is indeed a submissive.  Our conversations flowed easily as we discussed everything. 

It is the first time in years that I have met a submissive man who I had this kind of chemistry with.  We talked about my relationship with Daddy, about my other relationships and his and how he walked away from the lifestyle due to outside issues. 

We are planning to meet this week... we will see what happens...

I had hoped to see someone else yesterday in Daytona... but circumstances did not allow for it... I still wish that could have happened, but I do understand... and wait for the time we will be able to see each other.

Has there ever been a person in your life that you know will always be a part of you... no matter what happens... you would be there for that person... a connection that time and distance can never erase...

There are a few select people I feel that way about... I have seen the best of them, know about the worst in them and love them anyway... they are who they are and I can accept that. 

I found a song that has parts of it that describe exactly how I feel better than I can...

Clay Walker... I'll Be Right Here...

"There'll always be a part of you with me
I hope there'll be a part of me with you
Just call my name
And I'll hear you on the wind
Just close your eyes
And I'll find you once again
Just know that I'm on your side and remember

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
Wherever you are
My heart is with you
No matter how far
I'll always be near
Whenever you need me
I will be right here

And when the wind touches you
It will touch me too
And the same star you see
Will be the one that shines on me
I'll be here when you need me
I'll be here anytime
Baby I'm on your side so remember
I will be right here"

I just love getting new toys... hehe... this one is going to be a challenge... but hey... I love a challenge!

Upon waking from a short nap this afternoon, this song was playing... one I was not familiar with... but one that says it all... it does not require any further explanation or writing about...

Reba... The Only Promise that Remains:

"when the ground beneath you starts a shaking
shaking
and you forget the place we came from
came from
when your lost and looking for a way home
your way home to me
i'll come out and find you
when the world around you starts a moving
moving
and you should wonder if i still love you
love you
if you feel a darkness coming
rising inside
i'll make a light to guide you back home

and after all the sky is falling down
and after all the waters washed away
my love's the only promise that remains 

when your doubts have got you thinking
thinking
nothings ever really sacred
sacred
and you're afraid you might believe it
believe in me
and i'll give you a 'reason'
cause the world around us keeps on moving
moving
and there's no doubt that
i still love you
love you
so when you feel a darkness coming
rising inside
i'll make a light to guide you back home

and after all the sky is falling down
and after all the waters washed away
my love's the only promise that remains

and after all the sky is falling down 
after all the sky is falling down 
and after all the waters washed away
after all the waters washed away
my love's the only promise that remains
remains "

Can't Argue With This Logic: (lol)

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires. 

 'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked, The seamstress replied, 'No.' 
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies. 

 'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.' 

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. 
 
'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. 
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?' 'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!' 

 The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked. 
 
'Yes,' cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!' The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. 
 
Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney. 
And so the Lord let her keep him. 

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it. 
Signed, 
All Us Women

This was sent to me and thought I would share it with everyone else. 
Live Love Learn Laugh!

Boogie Through Life!

Don't cry because its over,
smile because it happened.

Pain and Suffering is inevitable
 but Misery is optional.

Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called: The Present.

A good exercise for the heart is to
bend down and help another up.

Life is what you make of it...
kinda like Play-Doh

The bubbling brook would lose its song
if you removed the rocks.

Happiness comes through doors
you didn't even know you left open.

Everything is always okay in the end,
if it's not, then it's not the end.

If all my friends jumped off a cliff,
I wouldn't jump with them.
I would be at the bottom to catch them.

 A girl on the street is pointing up at the sky.
'Look, an Angel!' she yells.
Passerby laugh, 'You fool, that is only a cloud.'
How wonderful it would be to see Angels
where there  are only clouds. How sad it would be
 to see clouds where there are Angels.

Here is a test to find whether your
mission on earth is finished:
 If you're alive, it isn't.

So be happy!
Don't let anything burst your balloon!
 Boogie through life!

Have a real happy day today! Enjoy it because you got up

this morning

Thank you to those that have sent well wishes and prayers for my niece...

The last 3 years have been so very difficult for her and very trying for the rest of us.  The POS mother has told every lie, cheated in every way, scammed a lot of people and never seems to get caught... at least not until now... it seems we finally have a judge who is seeing her for the lying, skanky b*tch she really is and is tired of her crap.  Monday morning... if things go well... my niece will be coming home finally with her dad once and for all... this will hopefully be the final hearing concerning her custody... then the dad can start working on getting the son back... she left the state with the son over a year ago and has refused to bring him back once her 6 week time was up with him... grrrrrrr.

Anyway... thank you all again for letting me vent on here... last night was a rough one for me and I just felt very lost for a while since I could not fix everything for everyone else.

Today is much better, and I am enjoying a completely free day to myself... my babysitter decided to take the pixie to Sea World so a movie will have to wait till another day... lol.

I love being a wicked lil girl... hehe

How do you describe happiness...

It is the feeling of contentment, a warm fuzzy feeling inside, the knowledge that you are loved, knowing that you are desired and needed...

What makes you happy...

A little message left in your im box... a text message late at night... a phone conversation that leaves you smiling and blushing and feeling flushed all over... a kiss... a touch... memories of incredible moments spent together... the discovery of pleasures in uncharted territories... a hot erotic daydream... the anticipation of the unknown...

3.... 2.... 1.... VENT TIME...

Ok here I go... I do not use this space for venting very often... but today... I just have to...

I get an email this morning from a Dom, pretty well written, complimenting, full of general information about him... and a freakin copy and pasted form letter... GRRRRRRRRRRR

How do I know it is a copy and paste form letter... welllllll... I showed it to a friend, and before I could tell her who it was from, she comes back with his name... SHE had also gotten almost the exact same letter from him... then I spoke with another friend who had also received the exact same letter...

Come on people... take some initiative and have some creativity by sending a personalized email... you do not have to give out your ss# or birthdate or anything like that, but that cut and paste crap is for the birds... if you are going to take the time to write someone you are interested in based on their profile or journal, then do yourself and them justice by taking a little longer to write them... a cut and paste form letter might save you a few minutes, but will not get the desired results in the end most of the time...

Be creative, be original... if you can't put any thought into an intro email, how can someone depend on you to put any thought into a relationship with them... hell... even saying I like your profile and your journals, just thought I would let you know is better than a copy and paste job that goes out to every female on the site...

The Zipper

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, a woman became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.  She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn?t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.  With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large man who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Good Samaritan and YELLED,

?How dare you touch my body!  I don?t even know who you are!?

The man smiled and said, ?Well, ma?am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends.?

In the past couple of days since my last journal, I have had several questions posed to me that made me think?

One was about my independence? how could I be independent and still NEED a Daddy? well the answer there is this? God gave me a brain and the ability to use it? he also gave me desires and wants and needs? and it is through those things that I NEED a Daddy? not someone who will make every decision for me but who will guide me, hold me, encourage me, love me and help me to be a better person because I will have the confidence to be the best I can be.  I NEED him help me release the inner desires I have? the ones that are wicked and dirty and sensual and delicious? I NEED him to push me beyond my comfort zone? to open new worlds for me.  It is through this that I can be the best babygirl for Daddy that I can be? because I will see what his desires are, what his needs are, and the things that bring him the greatest satisfaction.  If his needs are met, then mine shall be as well.  His NEEDS and desires then become my needs and my goals.  This does not take away from my independence as a woman, but instead this gives me a direction in my devotion to Daddy. 

Someone else made the comment that I am a brat because I am independent and wanted things my way? well here is my response to that? While I am independent? my goal is and always has been to make sure that Daddy has what HE NEEDS AND WANTS? while there are always circumstances in life that may prevent things from happening exactly as we want? I do my best to make sure they can get as close as possible.  If I am unable to provide what he needs and wants, then it is my desire to help him seek it out.  There are times I am disappointed or things happen to prevent what I want as well? this however does cause me to throw a fit or carry on in a way that can be construed as brattish or childish.  I might pout for a few minutes or even cry once in a while? but that is not because I am trying to change the situation, it is because I am human and go through the normal human emotions? then I will work things through in my mind and find a positive side to look at? even if I can not fix things or change things? I can do something about MY attitude and behavior.  These things reflect directly on the one I belong to? and by acting out, I am disrespectful to him and the relationship? I am human? and a woman? and full of emotions? so of course I want things my way? however? in a relationship? especially in a Daddy/babygirl relationship? that is not how it works?

So if anyone else has a comment? please feel free to send it my way? I will try my best to answer or respond to it?

I like to read profiles... Dominants as well as submissives... about their personal experiences in the lifestyle as well as the every day things that happen in their lives... I like the insight they give as well as the different things I can learn from them.  I came across a Dominant's profile the other night talking about Daddy Doms and his perception of what a Daddy Dom is.  He said it was not his own work that was posted but portrayed how he felt.  I was very impressed with the writing as it conveys my own thoughts on what I look for in a Daddy.  It made me think about what my definition of what a babygirl is.  So I am going to try to convey my thoughts on being a babygirl...  please remember these are MY thoughts on being a babygirl and do not express anyone?s opinion except mine?

A babygirl... she is a creature who a contradiction in many ways.  She has a strong mind, spirit and heart.  She is capable of making decisions and taking care of most any situation that arises.  She is independent, responsible almost to a fault and the one that most people rely on in a crisis.  However? she has this desire to let go of the independent side when she belongs to the right Daddy.  A babygirl desires to give of her heart and spirit to her Daddy, to satisfy his needs, to curl up beside him and just be.  While the world might see her as a confident, bold, in control woman, with her Daddy, she is able to express her fears, her uncertainties and her needs, knowing that he is there to guide her with his love and experience.  A babygirl does not need to be superwoman with her Daddy.  She delights in his happiness, seeks to bring a smile to his face and contentment to his heart.  She is his friend, his lover, his minx and his dirty little girl.  While a babygirl is able to make decisions on her own, she will seek out her Daddy?s advice, knowing that he has her best interest at heart.  She glows inside and out with the love and devotion she gives to Daddy.  A babygirl is not a slave, she is not a submissive, she is not a dominant? she is the counterpart of a Daddy Dom.  The relationship between a Daddy and his little girl is special, he does not try to break her and she does not become a mindless twit for him.  He protects her, cherishes her, loves her for all her strengths and weaknesses.  He finds peace and satisfaction in her and the love she freely gives him.  She loves him for his guidance, adores him for his strength, and is devoted to him completely.  She both laughs and cries at his touch, knowing he will take her to places she has never imagined.  Her body responds to him in ways that are a mystery to others.  A look, a gesture, a growl? they will send her spinning out of control? but she does not fear this as she knows he will be right there with her, catching her, lifting her higher, pushing her to new heights of pleasure.  In return, she craves his fulfillment, to give him the same pleasures, to bring him the inner satisfaction that comes from a devoted lil girl that is his and his alone. 

I am a babygirl.  I am strong, I am capable, I am the rock most people lean on? but I willingly give of myself to the right Daddy to bring him love and happiness.  I offer my friendship, my devotion and my heart and in return I seek his love, guidance, understanding and acceptance.  I am me? I make no apologies for who I am or what I am? love me? hate me? tolerate me? that is your choice? but I me and I am a strong woman and I am a babygirl.

Who I Am Makes A Difference...

Have you ever considered how your actions and the manner in which you carry yourself affects those you come in contact with or who see you? 

I was sent an email from a friend the other day... and it really hit me... both about my own actions and the way other people's actions have affected and changed me.  I want to share this email with you... I think we should all reflect on it... I have already sent this email out to some very special and important people in my life as well as a few who have inspired me, and even a few that have hurt me... because each of them have changed me in different ways.  So here it is for you to read and reflect upon as well...

"A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in High School by telling them the difference each of them had made.

She called each student to the front of the class, one at a time.  First, she told each of them how they had made a difference to her, and the class.

Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon, imprinted with gold letters, which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."

Afterwards, the teacher decided to do a class project, to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a Community.

She gace each student three more blue ribbons, and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony.  Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom, and report to the class in about a week.

One of the boys in class went to a junior executive in a nearby company, and honored him for helping him with his career planning.  He gave him a blue ribbon, and put it on his shirt.

Then he gave him two extra ribbons and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like for you to go out, find someone to honor, and give them a blue ribbon."

Later that day, the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had a reputation of being kind of a grouchy fellow.  He told him he deeply admired him for being a creative genius.

The boss seemed very surprised.  The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon, and give him permission to put it on him.

His boss said, "Well, sure."  The junior executive took one of the blue ribbons and placed it right on his boss's jacket, above his heart.

And then he asked, offering him the last ribbon, "Would you take this extra ribbon, and pass it on by honoring somebody else.  The teenager who gave me these is doing a school project, and we want to keep this ribbon ceremony going and see how it affects people."

That night, the boss came home and sat down with his 14-year-old son.  He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today.  I was in my office, and one of my employees came in and told me he admired me, and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius.

Imagine! He thinks I am a creative genius!  Then he put a blue ribbon on me that says, "Who I am Makes a Difference."  He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor.  As I was driving home tnight, I started thinking about who I would honor with this ribbon, and I thought about you.  I want to honor you.

My days are hectic and when I come home, I don't always pay a lot of attention to you.  I yell at you for not getting good enough grades and for your messy bedroom.  Somehow, tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me.  Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life.  You're a great kid, and I love you!"

The startled boy started to sob and sob and he couldn't stop crying.  his whole body shook.  He looked up at his father and said through his tears, "Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom, explaining why I had took my life, and I asked you to fogive me.  I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep.  I just didn't think that you cared at all.  The letter is upstairs.  I don't think I'll need it after all."

His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain. 

The boss went back to work a changed man.  He was no longer a grouch, but made sure to let all of his employees know that they made a difference.

The junior executive helped many other young people with career planning, one being the boss' son, and never forgot to let them know that they made a difference in his life.

In addition, the young man and his classmates learned a valuable lesson:

"Who you are DOES make a difference!"

Woman and a Fork

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things 'in order,' she contacted her Pastor to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

'There's one more thing,' she said excitedly.

'What's that?' came the Pastor's reply.

'I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.'

The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing
quite what to say.

That surprises you, doesn't it?' the young woman asked.

I'm puzzled by the request,' said the Pastor.

The young woman explained. 'My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!'

So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: 'Keep your fork the best is yet to come.'

The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears
of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and saw the fork in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, 'What's with the fork?' And over and over he smiled.

During his message, the Pastor told the people of
the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.

He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel , indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share ...being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE TODAY???

Why do people think it is ok to use others as a punching bag or dart board, replacing the darts with barbs and name calling?

I know it is human nature to lash out at others when you are having a bad day or something goes wrong... but when did it become acceptable to use your fist on someone else to fix YOUR problem... or to call someone a name to make yourself seem big and untouchable?

How do you deal with something like that?  Do you run away?  Do you stand up and fight back, resorting to name calling and physical attacks? Do you just let it roll off, laughing at them and walk away? 

If you run away, they will just keep doing it... if you fight back... then you are no better than they are... laughing it off seems to work most of the time... but not always...

I have said this several times... I am a submissive... that does NOT, and I repeat... DOES NOT mean I am a doormat... not anymore... I spent years cowering in fear of what might happen if I stood up for myself... but not any longer... I am stronger and more confident and I know I deserve better... no one.. NO ONE... is ever going to use me as a punching bag again... not my ex, not someone else in the lifestyle,  and no one in the vanilla world...

Hidden lives...

Watching MASH tonight... one of my grandpa's favorite shows... I had to just laugh at one part.. makes you wonder sometimes about things... such as Major Hotlips Hoolihan... Radar delivered a package to her... she opens it and squeals in delight... she makes a comment about how so and so knows about her love of leather... and out she pulls a whip... yep a whip... and immediately starts swinging and snapping it... scaring the pants of Radar... her eyes just glimmering with lust for that whip...

Do you think maybe she was a Dominant hidden in the uniform?  She sure did know how to make Frank snap to and fluster Radar...

Wonder who else was given "hidden lives" in our favorite shows... might want to keep an eye out... hehe

Hide and Seek...

I loved to play it as a kid... still do with my kids... the thrill of hiding somewhere that you just know no one will find you... at least not until you start to giggle because they have walked past you 3 times... then it's game over because you just can't contain yourself anymore... or being it... knowing you have to find everyone or you will be it again... the thrill of the hunt so to speak...

However, sitting here tonight... I have found hide and seek can have different forms... here is the one I offer to you...

Hide... hide your worries, your fears, your doubts, your pain and burdens... put them in a closet or a drawer... release yourself from them for a little while...

Seek... seek a happy thought, a hug, a kiss, a warm smile, open arms and an open heart... let yourself really and truly enjoy a few moments of peace and happiness...

It's not always easy to let go of the burdens you carry... I should know... but just five minutes can make the biggest difference... it may not change things, but... it allows your mind a chance to breathe and your heart to find a smile... so let's play HIDE n SEEK...  

Lightning strikes
thunder rolls
rain pouring down

It amazes me how fierce storms can be, yet how soothing they can be too. 

It is like they can feel the needs of the world... the pent up energies, anger and hurt, frustrations, excitement, passion... and at the moment when everything feels like it is going to explode around you....

BOOM... the thunder rolls in... FLASH... the lightning strikes... and the rains wash away the troubles laid at Heavens gates and when it is all done... the clean smell of the earth... the soothing quiet of the air... and sometimes... sometimes... the ethereal beauty of a rainbow...

Storms can leave behind horrible destruction... but even in the chaos and debris... there is the promise of a new beginning...

Out of the ashes we climb, looking forward towards a new and better day than the one we left behind in the storm... FAITH... the promise of the rainbow...

I believe in that rainbow... I have faith... the storms will continue to roll in when the world needs to be cleansed... but I shall weather the storms... like the willow tree... waiting for the rainbow...

ACCEPTANCE...

Dancing around my house today as I am doing my normal chores, I have my mp3 player cranked up and enjoying the different songs shuffling through.  One in particular caught my attention this morning for several different reasons...

This particular song... She Don't Tell Me To by Montgomery Gentry... can be taken in several different ways... it is talking about a man who has a woman that he loves very much and he would give the world to her, not because she demands it but because she accepts him exactly as he is and does not try to change him.

It reminds me of my grandparents.  Sometimes when Grandpa would come in off the road, he would stop at the flower stand and pick up some daisies for my grandma, or he would leave little notes around the house for her.  Grandma never expected those things from him, but it thrilled her and made her glow when he would do them.  She in turn would go out of her way to do things for him. 

This song makes me think of them, but it also makes me think of my submission.  There is a line in it that goes... "Any other woman I know would have tried, To control me and it would be over."  I think about all the times I hear people talk about topping from the bottom or trying to change their Dom or submissive to be what they want...
 
Why? 

If you are in a relationship and/or love someone, why change them... you entered that relationship knowing who and what they were to begin with... if you have to try to change everything about them to suit you... why stay there... they are not who you were needing and wanting in the first place. 

BUT... if you can accept them as they are, and maybe be willing to compromise and adjust yourself to them some, not because you HAVE to but because you WANT to (and not because they have asked or expect it)... then that is different... you are not asking them to change... you are changing because it is what YOU WANT.  I want to be ME and accepted for being ME.  I don't want to change the person I love and belong to either.  I just want them to be happy and be who they are, all their faults and problems and wonderful traits that attracted me to them in the first place.  Acceptance... that is what this lifestyle is based upon...

"Every now an' then, on my way home,
I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an' I pick a few,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
I go out with my boys all right,
But most of the time I call it a night before they do,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Sunday mornin', I'm in church,
An' my butt an' my back an' my necktie hurts, but I'm in the pew,
She don't tell me to.

Any other woman I know would have tried,
To control me and it would be over.
Blame it on my goin' my own way attitude.
All of that stubborness melts away,
When I wake with her head on my shoulder,
An' I know I've got to love her,
Until my life is through,
'Cause she don't tell me to.

Well, I got demons and I've got pride,
But when I'm wrong, I apologise like she's mine to lose,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Well, I got dreams in this heart of mine,
But nothin' that I wouldn't lay aside if she asked me to.
'Cause she don't tell me to.
An' she don't even know,
That she keeps me lookin' for the next right thing to do,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
Yeah, yeah.

Any other woman I know would have tried,
To control me and it would be over.
Blame it on my goin' my own way attitude.
And all of that stubborness melts away,
When I wake with her head on my shoulder,
An' I know I've got to love her,
Until my life is through,
What else can I do?
What else can I do?
Whoa, I love her,
'Cause she don't tell me to.
She don't tell me to.

Every now an' then, on my home,
I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an' I pick a few,
Yes I do. "

Pick Up Lines...

We have all heard them or used them at one time or another in our "adult" lives... well here is the best one I have ever heard...

I'd Like to Check You For TICKS... lmao


"everytime you take a sip
in this smoky atmosphere
you press that bottle to your lips
and i wish i was your beer
and in the small there of your back
your jeans are playing peek a boo
id like to see the other half
of your butterfly tattoo

hey that gives me an idea
lets get out of this bar
and drive out into the country
and find a place to park

cause id like to see you out in the moonlight
id like to kiss you way back in the sticks
id like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and id like to check you for ticks

i know the perfect little path
out in these woods i used to hunt
dont worry babe ive got your back
and ive also got your front
id hate to waste a night like this
ill keep you safe you wait and see
the only thing allowed to crawl all over you
when we get there is me

you know every guy in here tonight
would like to take you home
but ive got way more class than them
and that aint what i want

cause id like to see you out in the moonlight
id like to kiss you way back in the sticks
id like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and id like to check you for ticks

oooh you never know where one might be
and oooh theres lots of places that are hard to reach

id like to see you out in the moonlight
id like to kiss you way back in the sticks
id like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
and id like to check you for ticks

oh id sure like to check you for ticks"

Many of you who know me know that I have been dealing with a lot of changes lately... family, work, and personal... please understand this and respect this... no matter what is happening... I am not a going to jump just because you think I should... I might talk to you and we can be friends, but what I do is MY decision... not yours.  We can chat and joke around and talk... but the final decision on what I do is MINE. 

I mean no disrespect to anyone and I hope everyone else can respect me and my choices.  If you want to know about my choices, ask me. 

Right now, there is a lot going on with my family as well as personally, this song "Lean On Me" was playing this morning when I got in my car to head to work...
 
Support works several different ways... you can either accept it and be thankful someone is there for you or you can reject it because of pride or something like that.  You can also be the one to offer support with a loving and giving heart... or not offer it because you don't have the time or energy to do so... it is up to you what you do...

Me personally... my arms are wide, my shoulder steady and my heart willing to be there for as long I am needed.  They know they can come to be, count on me, without expecting anything in return... this is who I am...

"Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me... "

The Willow Tree

I have already told you about the tree from my childhood that I would go to to hide from the world, the crepe myrtle.  Now let me tell you about the tree from my adulthood... the weeping willow...

I love the outdoors, the sounds, the smells, the beauty that is ever changing... there was a tree in a neighbors yard, the willow, that amazed me... I had never seen one before this... I loved to walk between the lovely hanging branches to find the bench they had placed below it... I would sit there for hours watching the birds fly in and out between the branches to build their nests in this tree.

There was a summer we had tornados hit us... they were pretty bad as far as damage went... homes ripped apart, power lines down everywhere, many trees split and toppled... but not this willow... she stood there with her branches hanging low to the ground, a few leaves blown off, but still quietly steady... waiting...

I made my way to the bench underneath the willow... and as I sat there, I watched birds start to fly out between her branches once again... I walked over to where I knew a nest had been built, expecting to see it lying on the ground... but it wasn't there... I looked up and realised that it was still nestled securely in the intertwined branches of this tree... safe and sound...

I was amazed... and felt so secure at that moment standing beneath the shelter of the willow... knowing her ability to move and bend to the force of the winds and rains made her strong enough to withstand them and yet still gently cradle the unborn babies left in her care.  I cried.

Over the years since that summer, I took the lessons I learned that day and tried to apply them to my life... bending and moving as things change, finding the strength inside me to remain steady and true, being strong and gentle at the same time. 

Another storm is coming...

Let me be your willow tree... let me be the strength you need as things change and rage within your life, let me give you shelter when you need respite from the world, let me cradle you inside my love when the storm is at its worse to help you find the release you will seek... I shall stand here... bending and moving and steady... unwavering...

I have spent a lot of time over the last few days trying to understand some things that are happening in my life, and wishing I could offer comfort to those involed so that they can find the peace they need in their lives.  This poem is probably one of the most appropriate pieces ever written and I offer it to them... my friendship will always remain as well.  I do not walk away from people when things get rough or go wrong, my role in their life may just change. 

Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, He looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

"Without my submission you cannot dominate, without your dominance I cannot submit.  In this we are equal. 
My submission is my strength and allows me to give freely of myself to you so that you may find your pleasure in me. 

Your dominance as natural in you as the beat of your heart, embracing the power I relinquish to your hand.

The beauty that is our relationship, a delicate balance of passion fused together with emotions of the heart."

sensualgirl 2/2/08

What gives people the right to screw with other people's minds????? 

I mean WTF... explain to me why people think it is ok and funny to f*ck with someone else that they don't know! 

If they are that miserable in their own life... then they need to do something POSITIVE to change their situation.  F*CKING with someone else is not going to change their own sorry existance. 

Someone very special to me had to deal with a little d*ck last night... this little d*ck is obviously so insecure and pathetic that they decided to mess with the wrong person.

GROW UP and GET A LIFE!!!

Shooting Stars...

Tonight I was able to spend some time with Daddy.  He surprised me by coming home unexpectedly.  It was so perfect to just be able to look into his eyes as I walked into his arms. 

As I was picking up the pixie and driving back home, I looked up and saw a shooting star... the first I have seen since moving here over 2 years ago.  As I went to make a wish, I realized once again... I have everything I want, so the only thing I could wish for was for everyone else to be as happy and loved as I am.

I have a wonderful Daddy who loves me for just being me, I have wonderful new friends who hold very special places in my heart, I have two beautiful children...

I AM LOVED and I AM VERY BLESSED!

*Sighs with a dreamy smile on my lips*

I am very content.

My life is like anyone else's... full of drama and chaos, busy schedules, the daily chores which multiply like bunnies, gotta do's and need to do's and just don't have time to do's...

But........

My HEART is full, happy and very content.

Christmas tears.......

Christmas tears... thinking back over the years at all the blessings that I have been given, the gifts that I have received... the losses I have suffered... I feel so very cherished and blessed tonight...

The last 24 hours have been amazing... Daddy was home, b and I were able to spend some quality time with him both together and apart...

Last night watching his face as we gave him his presents... it was enough to make my heart cry... it was so beautiful to see his eyes light up and hear the emotions in his voice...

He is such an amazing man... and his gifts to us... so much thought was put into each one... hmmm... got my very own copies of season 1 and 2 of "Family Guy"... hmmm... wonder where he got that idea... lol... the porcelaine figurines... the matching jewelry... the dagger for us to share... each with their own meaning... the love that was given with each...

From b, I received such a beautifully soft TinkerBelle blanket... something that combined with Daddy's cologne, I can curl up in at night and feel him here with me... she is such a darling... so thoughtful and loving...

Through im's, voicemail, emails and cards... such wonderful Christmas wishes from some very cherished friends... both old and new...  thank you my friends...

I came home today from work to find my kids had cleaned the house for me... not a dirty dish to be found, the floor had been vacuumed, clothes not only folded but put away... and they were getting along... what a wonderful gift...

Then tonight... sitting here with my kids... Christmas traditions carrying on... opening one gift each... usually something that was given to us by someone else... tonight we chose the gifts from my aunt G and uncle D... pixie received a tinkerbelle chair... miss thing received her diamond and emerald ring... and me...........

The gift I was given immediately brought Christmas tears to my eyes... as I removed each item from the box... the tears flowed heavier turning into sobs... the joy and the pain bursting from me... you see... they had not purchased a single item for me... these were things that have now been passed on to the 3rd generation... passed to my aunt after my grandmother's death and now from her to me...

My grandparents were originally from PA... they collected pewter figurines from an artist who had a shop there... each a number limited edition... the first is a police officer... this was a present for my grandfather from my grandmother at Christmas in 1990... the second... well this one I had helped pick out for my grandmother in May 1991... we gave it to her Mother's Day morning sitting in Shoney's as we were heading back to NC from PA where we had buried her mother just 3 days earlier... I still remember her tears as she opened the gift... it is a mother sitting with her little girl... the mother with her arm around the girl as the girl holds a bucket of popcorn while they watch tv or a movie together...

Merry Christmas to one and all... remember to say thank you for each blessing in your life, hug someone that you normally wouldn't... it might make a bigger difference than you think... pray for those you love... and those you do not know... pray for and remember the soldiers who sacrifice their "normal" lives so that we might enjoy another day of freedom, who are unable to be home with their loved ones this night... remember your local heros as they give of their time and energy to keep us safe in our own country...

DISAPPOINTMENTS AND FRUSTRATIONS... Life Lessons...

How do you tell someone that you love that everything is ok when they are so upset and disappointed themselves, especially when the disappointment stems from things that are beyond their control?

Daddy was supposed to be home this weekend, but because of work related issues, he is unable to make it home yet.  This has left him so extremely pissed off and worried about disappointing me.  I understand that frustration he is dealing with, and yes I am a little disappointed that I am unable to see him this weekend... however I am more worried about his safety and health than disappointed. 

I see this as a lesson in patience and understanding, life lessons that are vital to a healthy relationship and personal growth.  I have always understood the nature of Daddy's work, especially since I grew up watching my grandparents going through the same thing.  I respect what he does, even though I do worry about him when he is gone. 

How could I ever be upset or disappointed with Daddy when he is human like the rest of us and has to deal with real life situations that arise?  Daddy knows that I will wait patiently (for the most part... I am human too... lol) until he is able to return home to me.  It is things like this that make me appreciate and treasure my time with Daddy even more.  It strengthens my relationship with and faith in him because I know that he would rather be here with me and that he trusts me to be here waiting for him. 

I shall stand strong and faithful and steady for Daddy, so that when the world collides with his wants and needs, he can stand a little taller and draw his reserve strength from me until he can once again wrap me into his arms and give that contented sigh of peace and balance.

Dirty Words...

Tonight on my way home from work, b and I were talking and she was very frustrated about some cookies she was baking that were not turning out the way she wanted... F*ck... oops... lol... these things better turn out good... F*ck... hmmm...

Ever notice how society has become used to "dirty" words???  And we don't even pay attention to who is listening to us... such as my little one... she was in the car with me... I realized again how much she listens to me and then COPIES me... oh gracious... what to do???

Well... b and I decided to substitute F*ck with hmmmm... wait for it... you are gonna love this... TWINKIES... see I told you that you would love it... so the rest of the ride home... it was twinkie this and twinkie that... and add to that ho hos... lol 

Try it... it is safer to say around people without offending... and by the time you are done... you can't help but laugh... especially when you see other peoples expressions when they hear you...

Example... getting gas a little earlier I dropped my wallet while I was paying for it... I said "TWINKIES", the clerk looked at me like I had lost my mind then started laughing... said that they were so used to hearing F*ck that it took them a minute to realize what I had said... she said she would have to start using twinkies instead... lol... See... it works... lol