I need to add something here, mostly because it is does not always come up in regular conversation and the fact that i did not make sure a possible dom knew about this might have cost me a chance at serving that person.

Anyway, when we go to meet, please do not ask to meet me in a bar. i don't like bars, i don't feel safe in them, and i will not meet you there. pick somewhere else, almost anywhere will do, just no bars, they freak my sense of safety out.

as too the gentleman i was supposed to meet, i am sorry it did not work out, but i am willing to try again if we can set things up better next time. you call. again, sorry.

i thought i might have found someone. She was reasonably close to me and we had similar interests. However, before we got to our planned first meet, and with no indication that there was something wrong, I got a message stating that she was afraid of getting hurt again, so she was breaking off the developing relationship. Sadly, she also blocked me so i was not able to respond.

i hold no malice towards her, but i really wish she had talked to me about her fears so that maybe we could have worked through them. The experience has reinforced my belief that without good two way communication things will never work out.

On the bright side, i do have to say that since she felt it would not work it was much better to end everything early, before we both got too involved. i have seen way to many couples try to make things work when they know there are too many problems and both are unhappy.

i wish her well, and i hope she finds her happiness. i will continue my search.

One of the things that i have always found to be at least a bit erotic is the idea of helping bath my owner. Not shower, mind you, and not with and sex involved either. So put the steamy shower sex scenes from the movies out of your mind. What i am talking about is drawing the bath, helping my owner disrobe, scrub and wash off, and then, if they choose to enjoy the bath longer, waiting nearby so i can go fetch drinks, change music, etc.

Then, when they are done with their soak i would dry them off with warm towels and help them into their robe, also warmed for them.

i don't know why this concept not only appeals to me but turns me on as well, even with no sex involved.

  Something that was brought to my attention in one of the message board topics. If i found the right one to serve, that service would be part of a relationship, which means spending time in the vanilla world and doing non lifestyle related things. i can hold an intelligent conversation, and even am comfortable with polite debate on some subjects.

Going out into public, whether it is to a restaurant, a concert, a museum, shopping, the Renfaire, or whatever, my goal would to be a good companion while at the same time being courteous and deferential. The knights of old come to mind as a role model.

But once i find the one, even watching a TV show together or going for a walk on the beach or in the park would be wonderful. But to be a true companion, albeit one who is serving, is likely to be harder to do than anything required in a play session. But it is the type of relationships i would want to have with my owner or owners.

i think it is important to say that, male or female, or a couple of any mix matters little to me when it comes to who i serve. The service is still the important part, not the gender of who is holding my leash (real or figurative). Even if i am so lucky as to have an owner who wishes sexual contact, the gender still does not come into play. i will say that i am less experienced in serving a male dom, but that is something i can learn.

Age matters to me more, but not because i am biased, but because i am more likely to understand someone close to me own age, and thus be better able to serve them.  If the opportunity came along to serve a younger person who was well matched to me i would not turn it down. So there rules of mine are pretty much guidelines, nothing hard and fast.

  There are  two things that i found i enjoy that i would not normally have tried if had not been for putting myself into the position of a submissive to some interesting ladies.

The first is chastity. i actually enjoy wearing a chastity device while i am out in public. There is something about wearing one that touches a nerve in me. I get the nervous/excited butterflies in the stomach feel, and it just gets better if i am out in the vanilla world while wearing one. I like the feeling. i will gladly wear a chastity device if asked.

i also found i like dressing up. Not cross dressing mind, but more of a costume type garment. The two big things, from different dommes. were togas and a breach-clout/loincloth. i enjoyed being in both and the thought of being dressed as such and then taken out into public, maybe wearing a collar and a leash, brings me the same type of feeling that i get while wearing a chastity device. i don't feel the same about cross dressing, but i will do as i am told if that is what my domme or dom enjoys seeing.

i just posted some pics of myself in what i would consider "play" gear. As much as i enjoy wearing it, and would enjoy it even more if i could find somebody to secure the restraints, i do want to say two things. One, this may not match what a domme or dom would want in play, and in that case i would adapt to what they wanted, ans two, the collar is nice for play, but to be truly collared is a worthy and honorable goal that i mean no disrespect to.

One of the things I have found that seems to destroy a D/s relationship(or any relationship) faster than any thing else is poor communication. And this is for both sides, as the flow of communication must go both ways. 

As a sub, I need to listen to any directions given to me. I need to understand what is expected of me, and if there is some reason why I can not complete the task, or something that needs to made clearer to me, I need to be able to voice those concerns in a clear yet respectful way.. If I am not comfortable with telling someone when I am unsure of a command or when a situation bothers me I am not doing my part to communicate. Mind you, just saying that something bothers me doesn't mean I get out of it, just that my owner needs to be aware of its affect on me. This also applies to what I like as well. If I enjoy an activity I need to mention that. This way if I make a mistake and get punished my owner knows what serves best as a punishment. For example, if I find out I like being whipped (side note, I don't know as I have not been whipped) and I don't say something about that, my owner may use it as a punishment, even though it would not be at that point. Withholding it may make it a punishment, or it may be used as a reward, but the experience itself can not be a true punishment.

The Dom or domme needs to listen as well though. If i am trying to tell you something, good or bad, and you don't bother to pay attention, then that will cause problems. I will assume you know what I told you, and that lack of knowledge can eat away at the trust real quick.  Not paying attention to what a sub says can make them feel like you don't care, and things go into a downward spiral from there.

The last thing about this is is you are seeing that communication is not working from one side or the other, you need to take steps to address that. Just letting the problem fester will only make it worse. And if you can not fix the issue, it may be worth walking away from the relationship.

i wanted to say something about why i seek to serve. Aside from the fact that it seems to fit me ( i have even worked in customer service for most of my life), i find i need the direction and guidance of some one else to prevent inertia.

This is not to say that i can not get anything done on my own, but i find it too easy to become distracted or diverted into activities that do not advance my best interests. By taking on the best interests of a domme or dom, i get that push to remain on focus and accomplish what they desire. I usually do this out of desire to feel good about doing things for them, although the backup threat of punishment is also needed at times.

This is really not that different from needing an exercise partner to help give you that extra push on those days when we just don't feel like it. While the exercise partner is not likely to whip you for failing, neither are they likely to take an interest in improving other aspects of you. The type of owner i seek will help me become a better all around person if for no other reason than to improve how well i can serve.

Hopefully i just made some sense to most people, but if not feel free to ask for clarification.

i thought i might add some of my thoughts on how i see things regarding some of the stereotypes/ common themes that happen to come up in these relationships, at least in my experience. And while i might list things i enjoy this should not be taken as any kind of list of requirements. i fully expect to adapt to my owner's views of what is right. As it should be.

For today i want to cover nudity. It seems to be a common idea that subs and slaves should serve in the nude. i have no issues with this, and actually enjoy it when it is appropriate. For one, it makes sure there is no doubt about the subs place, even to any visitors that may show up. It leaves the sub vulnerable in both mind and body. In body as it makes it very easy for the owner to administer a quick swat to correct mistakes or misbehavior. In the case of mind (or maybe emotion) it is the cultural conditioning  we get here in the west, especially in America. This conditioning can make it easier for a sub to open up to their owner. Add in the fact the nudity makes it hard for us males to hide our arousal.

As much fun and pleasure as can be drawn from serving sans clothing, there are times it is not the right choice.  For sanitary reasons this applies to cooking, but even having someone over that is not in the know can make having some clothes the correct thing to do. One doesn't stop serving if this happens, but rather becomes more circumspect in how they serve. And a good sub should be able to function in the vanilla world.

So while i like serving naked ( i get a rush from it i can't explain) i also accept that my wardrobe will be dictated by the changing needs of my owner, and may be anything from no clothes, to vanilla clothes, to some form of costume or exotic dress that tickles the fancy of those i kneel before.

I just want to clarify a bit as to what i am looking for. I seek someone, preferably close to my age, whom i can serve in some fashion other than just financial. I am a male, so naturally i would prefer sex to be part of that serving, however i can still get pleasure from serving without any sex being involved ( or even while in chastity).  I have not been clearer mostly because i do not want to set preconditions on a relationship before it even starts. And is i am to serve, this should not be about me, but rather about fulfilling someone else's needs, hopefully in a way both of us can get pleasure from.

If i am still not clear i prologize. feel free let me know so i can try again.

Thank you for your time.