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Male Dominant, 50
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Male Dominant, 34, ON
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Dominant Couple, 27, Austin, Texas
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About SeekingNimue
I don't really like the term "play"; it seems far too casual and inconsequential for what I am seeking. Otoh, I am married, thus not in any position to make a full-time commitment to anyone else. I am trying to find something in-between, maybe a dominant friend (?) with whom I can build a foundation of trust and mutual interests within the constraints I come with.
I approach "the lifestyle" pretty late in life (51), having wrestled against my feelings and desires for a long time. I applaud and salute all of you here who found self-understanding and self-acceptance so much faster. I'm also a bit jealous, I'll admit. :-)
Because of that, I would also very much welcome any guidance, thoughts or suggestions from anyone on ways to understand and integrate my submissiveness better within the rest of my life, parts of which are pretty fixed, but parts of which may not be. Which is maybe a wordy way of saying that I'd like to start building a kinky "network" of sorts.
This sounds a bit self-pitying, which was not my intent. I don't feel bad for myself, just a little bit lost. I think I am actually saner and kinder in my self-understanding than I was before I "surrendered" to the idea that I really am submissive rather than somehow, I don't know, defective.
Hmm, maybe I'm just digging the hole deeper. :-}
Anyhow, lemme do the "stuff I like" thing. My experiences are quite limited to a handful of pro sessions, but I am learning a lot from them. Much to my surprise, I have developed a taste for pain and impact play - never would have guessed. Less surprising, because submission has always been linked with sexuality for me, I do enjoy tease & denial, strap-on/dildo play (any opening you like :-) and any kind of oral worship. The helplessness of bondage and sensory deprivation also get my pulses pounding.
But the heart of the matter is definitely the "surrender" of power exchange. My awareness of my submissive feelings was first awakened, way back in the day, by reading some of a HS girlfriend's extensive collection of romance novels. Dreadful things, really, from a literary point of view, but the feelings of being swept away by lustful, passionate feelings in the presence of the hunky, brooding, clearly dominant love object found a real echo in me. These women yielded up their hearts and their autonomy, acknowledged that much of what they believed about both their dominant and themselves was wrong and He knew better, and committed themselves to a life of caring for and supporting His life and needs. Oh man, did I want that for myself . . . just with a woman! :-)
I love the feeling of setting myself aside to serve the desires of my Lady. One of my favorite "sessioning" moments came when a domme, tired and near the end of a probably long day, suddenly stopped what she was doing, popped her heels off, plopped her feet in my lap and told me to massage them. The genuine pleasure and relaxation that seemed to give her was like nectar for my soul. Yeah, I realize that is hardly major PE, but it was pretty revealing for me and I would really like to push that feeling a lot further and find out what it can become.
TMI? Maybe. This profile is of necessity a work in progress as I try to refine my picture of myself in this arena of life. Any thoughts or suggestions about the profile or any of the points I've mentioned would be very welcome. I fear that I may have offended or at least "turned off" a few folks here already just through ignorance and ineptitude, and I'd like to stop doing that.
So, 'til my next "upgrade", cheers to all, and may you all find what you seek. |
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It's been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. When I first came to this site I got absurdly overexcited, to the point of stupidity. Then I had a few . . . let's call them "negative-value interactions" and became convinced I was an idiot for being here. But then I settled down again and began looking around in a more systematic and rational way, and I have been discovering that there are quite a few smart, interesting, thoughtful folks here, people I would really like to get to know better. Patience has never been one of my strongest suits, but as one of those people reminded me just recently, whether the movement is large or small, forward is still forward. So I'm in a pretty good place at the moment.
Of course, the gorgeous day outside doesn't exactly hurt! :-) |
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Found this on a local domme's profile:
"All subs should read this article.
http://www.domme-chronicles.com/2010/03/advice-for-the-newly-minted-submissive-man-seeking.html"
I took her advice and am very glad I did, so now I pass it on to anyone who should stumble across me for whatever reason. Read that article; it's well-written, sensible and "grounding". |
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My inner sub, so long quiescent if not catatonic, has been awakened! A "getting to know you" session with a lovely domme who really "gets it" and some amazing, confusing insights from an unexpected source have all my quivery, electric little "tummyflies" aflutter! |
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