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saundrakitty

saundrakitty

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ITS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE I LOST MY PAST MASTER AND ITS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS. ITS HARD TO FIND SOMEONE SERIOUS. ? ? ? ? ? I?am not a Fin?Dom and I do not do cyber Domination. Be?prepared?for real time and ready for me to dominate you're body and mind- and not you're pocket book.?Al tho?Some toys you will have to?supply?for you're self and Not Me. ?MARRIED GUYS WHO DON'T WANT?WIFE'S?TO KNOW ABOUT ME- DON'T ASK= AS THIS A NEW HARD LIMIT. Currently I seek a sub/slave that is into CBT- and service- to Me that is Male- and a female as a service but a Pain Slut for Me and ?my Master ( a couple would be?acceptable?age is not an issue-) MY Dominate needs to know I will never force any sub/slave to do?anything?against their Hard Limits or make them do anything we have not discussed openly with each other. They need to trust that I understand their needs and can lead them as a Domme. Trust is?everything. And they come to me out of mutual desire and the willingness to serve Me.? Same as any female slave/pet must know i am not Bi and will not force Her to be bi- She may Serve the master at His?discretion?or play with My Sub at OUR DIRECTION. If you are a Dom that wants to know what a Sub goes though I will teach you- and if you are a female that is unsure if you are Domme or sub- you will be safe to explore and discover you're self in a safe and consensual environment. CURRENTLY WE ARE WORKING TOWARDS THE DAY HE COLLARS ME AND I SHARE THAT EVENT WITH MY FRIENDS. I AM ON ASJ/ AND HERE. I CAN'T WAIT TO BEGIN?THE TRAINING WITH MY MENTOR / TEACHER. SUBMISSIVE ARE OK TO CONTACT ME. JUST BE REAL AND READY- I WILL EXPECT YOU TO LOOK AND READ MY JOURNAL HERE AND THEN COME TO OUR MUNCHES. I WILL EVENTUALLY DO PUBLIC PLAY AT ONE OF OUR CLUBS?SHINDIGS. I AM A MEMBER OF MAK AND TRC.
Released from his collar...........slavetobeproperty...
not out of misbehavior but due to the fat that He had hit his goals that He had originally set up in his contract. HE IS STILL A DEAR FRIEND.

slave natasha is turning into a wash out at this point.........
3 years and has vacillated back and forth.... either coming out or not........then wanting me to come and get HIM. 

female slave...........released DUE TO DRUGS.......


So here is the point.
I you are not serious........then just say so. 
I am looking........for both male and female.
I want something 24/7........who wants a serious relationship. One who will be signing a contract.
It frustrates me when I get those that just want to skype or write and it goes no where.
I am not into that kind of relationship...
BUT I WILL NOT TAKE ON A DRUNKARD......OR A DRUGGIE......
I know that I had been away for a good while, 
but things had to be addressed.
AND I AM BACK................................
Going Up to Nashville Tenn. Next weekend for a week. 
We plan on going to the Mark one night, and we plan to have a blast.
He knows if someone approaches me I am going to ask to play.......
Its going to be fun.
PLus I am going into the studio.

we talk every day three times- altho I am not by no means someone that like to hang on the phone for hours and hours chatting. I personally prefer to talk about what needs to be said and then get off.
In that area I am not typical at all.
I skype from time to time with my personal subs-
As well as if I have a client wanting to possibly set up and arrange a private session with me.

I am hoping that the Trans female Natasha picks up her skills as a personal slave very easily. she's going to be taking over the house duties here. Besides  being trained into a Masseuse. And I want her to be good at being a Lady's maid.
Still however want an actually true Female Slave that seeks a live in where bills will be split fairly as well as food and shelter. One who wants to explore Her boundaries, She will be with me mostly and also with My Dom- and trust Me you'd Love him........                    Bi is quite fine or bi curious. But also ok with working with other slaves.

I never expected that when I was looking one way life would throw me a curve, and in walked someone from the past that i knew of, 
and well as they say. We got to talking ............
AND THE REST IS HISTORY.
It's hard to believe that I am coming on the first year anniversary since he died January, and I am already not looking forward to it. 
And yet at the same time I am ready to move on with life. we all have bittersweet memories we treasure in life.
But we all should bring something into the mix. I am still looking for my primary partner in crime and in life. One who understands I am not broken and I don't need to be fixed or changed. My life made me who I am, and so has yours.
I am Poly, yes I said the big P word. I run a House. Do you have to be poly? No not if you don't want to - you can be Monogamous to me or poly if you wish. Just don't ask me to change that part as it  would be hard for my Dominate side to do. I don't ask you to change things in your life- after all it takes both of Us to come together and COMPROMISE. 
Life is to precious not to live it to the fullest. 
But enough of that. Been having fun when I can. As well as working on projects that I have been working on for awhile now. With time on my hands when the pain is eased a bit I get what I want done.
Been adding a few more toys to the collection still, and some books to the library.
Altho I still deal with pain.
I am still quite optimistic that I will find a doctor that actually gives a crap about quality of life. 
That being said.
I have been busy going to events and playing when I can. Plus adding to my toys.....as you can never have enough.
Once my pain is in check.....the cement Dungeon is next, and boy have I got ideals for it.
I even thought about the possibilities of bringing in a triple wide mobile home for those whom will either live in with me as well as having cabins for our visitors, and converting the whole old farm house into more dungeon space. Besides all the outside places to play.
Will be upgrading the pool next year to a bigger one with a deck with some unique additions for water play. 
Besides putting in a horse/cow water trough for further water play.
Unfortunately still have not found the Dominant Master that I crave or even a beta Dom that needs a play partner from time to time that is not just a one time thing.
I talked to one couple but that did not pan out either.
ALTHO I HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH A LOT OF ISSUES THAT COME UP WITH FIGHTING FOR DISABILITY AND ALSO CHANGES IN AND WITH MY MEDICATION IT DOES NOT MEAN i HAVE NOT BEEN BUSY.
ALTHO I HAVE SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN BED AND IN PAIN THE ONE THING THAT HAD GOTTEN ME UP AND OUT OF IT WAS WHEN I HAD A SUB MALE COME OVER...........
AND YES HOS BALLS WERE MADE QUITE SORE THANK YOU AS WE HAD A SERIOUS CASE OF ME SQUASHING HIS BALLS TILL HE MOANED WHILE EDGING HIM AND NOT LETTING HIM COME FOR HOURS.............AND TRUST ME HE HAD TO CUM AT HOME AS HE COULD NOT THINK STRAIGHT............BUT LOVED EVERY MINUTE.
AND I DID GET TO MAK, AND WE PLAYED AGAIN......
HE HAD A PRETTY RED ASS AND SHOULDERS..........AS I CAME DOWN QUITE HARD AND AT FULL FORCE WHEN HE SAID GREEN TO LET ME KNOW HE WAS READY TO TAKE IT ALL OUT WITH THE PADDLES.........I DEFINITELY NEED TO BUY SOME HEAVIER PADDLES. BUT HE WENT INTO SUBSPACE QUITE BEAUTIFULLY...........
ONLY SHAME NO MARKS........NEXT TIME I AM MAKING HIM.
HE SPENT THE NIGHT AT MY PLACE AND WE PLAYED AGAIN...........ME EDGING HIM AND THEN TURNING OVER AND GETTING INTO THE MIDDLE OF MY BED WHEN HE WENT TO ANSWER HIS PHONE.........
AND YES HE HAPPENS TO BE A SWITCH...........
AND WE'LL HE TURNED IT AROUND ON ME AND OUT CAME MY HITACHI WAND FROM MY PLAY BAG AS I HAD NOT UNPACKED FROM MAK.........
AND HE PINNED ME DOWN AND MADE ME CUM TILL I COULD NOT NO MORE BUT I COULD STILL FEEL MY CLIT PULSING LONG AFTER. IRONIC ONE HOUR NAP AND I TRIED TO HAVE AN ORGASUM........AND COULDN'T.......

HIS REPLY.................I GOT YOU.........AND WE JUST GRINNED. 

TODAY WAS SO VERY HARD FOR ME AND I HAVE BEEN CRYING MY EYES OUT. I HAD ALREADY KNOWN WHEN WORSHIPTHEMASTER TOLD ME HE HAD ADVANCED PROSTATE CANCER THAT THINGS WERE NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME AND THAT i WOULD BE LOSING HIM. IT WAS TOO LATE TO SAVE HIM AS IT HAD SPREAD THROUGH OUT HIS ENTIRE BODY IN ALL THE LYMPH NODES. 

BUT I KNOW HE WAS RIGHT---------
WHEN HE TOLD ME TO FIND ANOTHER- ONE THAT SEEKS A LTR.
ONE THAT WILL HOLD ME WHEN I CRY, AND TELL ME THINGS WILL EVENTUALLY BE ALRIGHT AGAIN. ONE I CAN GIVE MY HEART TO EVEN THO RIGHT NOW ITS SHATTERED INTO FOR YOU TO HOLD UNTIL IT CAN BE MENDED AND MADE ANEW.
YOU NEED TO LOOK PAST THE FACT THAT MY WRITINGS SHOW MY DOMINATE SIDE AND READ FURTHER YOU WILL HEAR MY SUBMISSIVE SIDE THERE ALSO.
HE TOLD ME TO PUT MY PROFILE BACK TO A SWITCH FOR NOW.

RIGHT NOW I NEED TO HOLD MY BREATH AND PRAY THAT YOU FIND ME- AND TAKE A CHANCE. I HAVE A LOT TO GIVE AND I NEED YOU NOW MORE THEN EVER TO BE WITH ME NOW.

BUT I ALSO HAVE TO SAY REST IN PEACE MY LOVE- MY MASTER WORSHIPTHEMASTER.
Things are still in the fluid range as as WTM is right now concerned. 
It's already now the mid point of december, and I am already looking into next year already, and already the plans are beginning to form.
I AM GOING TO BOTH FROLICON AS WELL AS DOMCON SO IF YOU WISH TO MEET THERE THAT'S FINE AND  I AM MAKING PLAN'S ALSO FOR GOING TO 1763 IN ATLANTA GA BUT DON'T HAVE A POINT IN TIME YET SET UP FOR THERE AS THE SAME FOR HEADING TO THE MARK. AND I ALSO WANT TO HIT THE WOOD SHED AS WELL IF NOT NEXT YEAR THEN PERHAPS ANOTHER YEAR. 

I FIGURE IT WOULD NOT HURT TO DO A BIT OF TRAVELING IF TIME PERMITS ME, AND I PLAN NOT TO BE TRAVELING ALONE.
STILL LOOKING INTO THE POSSIBILITY OF ANOTHER DOMINATE COUPLE OR MALE AND FEMALE PERHAPS JOINING ME.

BUT RIGHT NOW FIXING TO GET BACK ON TRACK AND GET THE BASE OUTDOOR PLAY SITES FINALIZED.
WITH THE HELP OF THE MALE SLAVES WE WILL BEGIN THE GROUND WORK ON THE FLOOR OF THE DEMENT BUILDING ALSO WITH THE TRENCH FOR THE ELECTRIC LINE TO BE RUN BESIDE THE CABLE LINE PUT IN PLACE FOR THE MALE SLAVE CABINS...................THEN WE START THE WORK ON THE SITE FOR THE FEMALE SLAVES AS WELL............THEY WILL HAVE THE SAME BASIC THINGS THAT THE MALES HAVE...........
WE NEED YOU GIRLS TO CONTACT US ASAP..........

SO I HOPE TO HAVE THE RED ROOM SET BACK UP THIS SPRING AND AVAILABLE AS WELL AS A DARN GOOD START OF THE CEMENT DUNGEON AND THE POOL FOR WATER FUN WILL BE UP AND OF COURSE THE OUT DOOR PLAY SITES.
SO THAT THE FUN CAN BEGIN AND THE PHOTO SHOOT AS WELL AS VIDEO CLIPS AND SHORT MOVIE CLIPS WILL BE ABOUT TO GET STARTED BY SUMMER.
I HAVE HAD ONE FRIEND ASK ME ONCE: HAVE I DONE ANYTHING AS FAR AS PLAYING WITH ANOTHER FEMALE?
AND I ANSWERED YES I HAVE NOT ONLY PLAYED WITH ANOTHER FEMALE I DID HAVE FOR A VERY SHORT TIME A RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE- BUT IT DID NOT LAST AS WE BOTH WERE MARRIED TO MILITARY GUYS AND THEY WERE REASSIGNED TO DIFFERENT PLACES AND WE LOST TRACK OF EACH OTHER. AND YES THE GUYS KNEW ABOUT IT AS WELL.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR ME TO REACT TO ANOTHER FEMALE?????????
PERHAPS THAT WAY AGAIN.
IT TALES A FEMALE LIKE ME WHO IS A SWITCH PREFERRED BUT NOT ALWAYS NESS. BUT SHE IS LIKE ME VERY MUCH INTO THE WAYS OF THE MIND AND IS A FREE SPIRIT THAT HAS THAT SPARK TO HER NATURE THAT LIGHTS UP THE ROOM WITH THE PERSONALITY OF AN ANGEL. 
BUT SHE ALSO HATES DRAMA AND HATES TO DEAL JEALOUSY AND LOVES JUMPING IN AND JOINING IN THE FUN OF A BIG DOG PILE AND PLAYING ALSO WITH THE GUYS.
THE SAD PART IS THAT THERE ARE NOT THAT MANY THAT ARE TRULY LIKE THAT,
.
i TALKED TO ONE ONCE BUT SHE WAS TO A POINT THAT SHE FINALLY TOLD ME SHE WAS A TOTAL LESBIAN AND WOULD HAVE JUST WANTED ME TO BE WITH HER AND HER ALONE WITH OUT OTHER GUYS AND i HAD TO SAY SORRY- BUT i LOVE THEM AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE A FEMALE. AND THUS THIS IS KINDA WHERE i AM AT SO FAR WITH THE FEMALE HUNT FOR OUR HOUSE AT THIS POINT.
WHAT BECOMES THE HARDEST THING ONE MUST DUE?
WHEN ONE IS FORCED TO WALK ALONE................
NOT BECAUSE OF ONE GOING THE OTHER WAY AND BREAKING OFF AN RELATIONSHIP.
BUT WHEN ITS BROKEN OR BLASTED APART DUE TO SOMETHING UNFORESEEN OR WHEN NO MATTER WHAT IS DONE TO SAVE ANOTHER VIA MEDICAL- THAT PERSON IS LOST ................AND THUS IS GONE.

AND THIS IS THE POINT I AM AT RIGHT NOW. I AM GRIEVING FOR MY LOVE AND MY HEART IS BROKEN BUT NOT SHATTERED........... ALTHO IT NEEDS TO MEND AND FLY AGAIN.

I WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER LOVE HIM
WORSHIPTHEMASTER..........................
HE GAVE TO ME WHAT I NEEDED- A FRIEND AND A MASTER, AND IN OUR WAYS A
MY LOVER..........................AND IN RETURN I GAVE HIM EVERYTHING- MY HEART-AND SOUL AND MY UNDYING/AND UNBREAKING  TRUST. AND HE TOOK ME TO PLACES I HAD NEVER GONE,,,,,,,AND LEARNED TO LOVE AS WELL.
AND HE LOVEN AND ENCOURAGED MY DOMINATE SIDE.
SO BEGINS MY WRITING PROJECT. 
I AM IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING A BDSM BOOK. IF IT GOES WELL AND GOES OVER IT WILL BE HEADING FOR THE PUBLISHERS.

DECIDED SINCE I WILL BE ON FULL DISABILITY DOES NOT STOP ME AS A WRITER AND IN FACT ITS PERFECT FOR NOW TILL IT TAKES OFF.

BUT DON'T LET THAT EVEN PUT YOU OFF FROM TALKING TO ME OR SEEING IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE CALLED ONE OF MINE.......


I ALMOST GOT CLOSE TO HAVING A SLAVE THAT WAS A HEAVY BOTTOM THAT WANTED 24/7-
AND WELL LIFE HAPPENS TO FUCK THAT ALL UP ( MY bANK CARD GETTING STOLEN/ AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS MY VANILLA ROOMMATE- AND ALL THE MESS IT CAUSED AND STRESS- PLUS THE UPS AND DOWNS OF WORKING FOR A POULTRY PLANT THAT WAS KNOWN FOR THE CRAPPY WAY THEY TREAT THEIR WORKERS) GRRRRRRRRR.
I FLAT OUT TOLD HIM I HATED DRAMA AND I DO. BUT LIFE HAPPENS AND YES I WRITE ABOUT IT- WHY BECAUSE I WANT THEM TO UNDERSTAND ME AND THAT I HIDE NOTHING. BEING TRANSPARENT IS WHAT WE ASK OF YOU- AND GUESS WHAT WE TOO SHOULD BE TRANSPARENT ALSO AND TELL THE GOOD AND THE BAD.
I STILL SERIOUSLY WANT AND NEED BOTH A GUY AND A GIRL THAT CAN PLAY AT THE HIGHER LEVELS WITH ME AS WELL AS HIM..........
I AM PANSEXUAL- I DON'T ALWAYS ADMIT THAT HERE- WHY BECAUSE THERE ARE WAY TO MANY PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO TRUE IDEA WHAT IT REALLY MEANS OR THEY JUST WANT TO WANK OR THEY INSULT YOU.
EVEN THO HE PREFERS ANY THING PAST A SERTAIN LEVEL OF PLAY BE WITH A FEMALE- HE ALSO ADORES IT WHEN I PLAY WITH ANOTHER FEMALE AN HAS EXPRESSED THE DESIRE THAT HE WISHES TO BE A PART OF IT AND I AGREE- I WANT HIM A PART OF IT TOO...............AND TRUST ME THAT IS HARD AS FEMALES THAT WANT A PLACE IN A POLY CLAN AS SISTER HEART IS VERY RARE AND HARD TO FIND.
hE ALSO KNOWS I ALSO LOVE TO PLAY WITH OTHER MALES OR SHEMALES OR TRANS AND THAT IS ALL GOOD WITH ME.

IT TAKES A LOT OF VARIATIONS IN THIS LIFESTYLE- ALTHO I AM GOING TO GO BACK TO BEING A PRO-DOMME- IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I DON'T WANT MY OWN GUYS WHOM I CAN LOVE AS MUCH AS THEY LOVE ME BACK TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH ME AND HIM- THE SAME WAY I WANT FEMALES TO JOIN US KNOWING THAT THEY ARE OK AND CAN SHARE THERE LOVE AND JOYS WITH ME ALSO AND I WILL BE THERE FOR THEM AND ALSO PLAY WITH THEM AND HELP PUSH THEM.


ARE YOU HEAVY MASOCHISTIC BOTTOMS REALLY OUT THERE- I AM BEGINNING TO SERIOUSLY WONDER. 
ITS OK TO PLAY WITH NEW PEOPLE AT THE LEVEL THEY ARE AT- BUT THERE ARE TIME I NEED (AS WELL AS HE) TO PLAY AT MY FULL POTENTIAL AND NOT WORRY BUT I WANT YOU ALSO ENJOY AND BEG FOR MORE.............
ITS TIME TO RING IN THE HOLIDAYS----------
AND YES I DO ENJOY THEM. AND I WANT YOU TO ALSO ENJOY THEM.
After all it's a time to have some fun--------eat food-----------play----------cuddle-------and yes play some more----------------BUT AT THE END HAVE A GOOD LIFE WITH YOUR NEW KINKY FAMILY.

YOU KNOW WHEN THINGS ARE GETTING INTERESTING- WHEN YOUR DAD WHOM ALSO IS A DOM (( DADDY DOM TYPE)) TELLS ME : IF YOU CAN FIND ME A LADY/sub-slave WHO WANTS TO SHARE THEIR LATER LIFE WITH SOMEONE AND NOT BE ALONE............So yep...........If you are out there- Yes I am helping him. He is a very caring and compassionate person. Yes he will push your limits. He's 73 and sick of being all alone. He would love a lady that is a lot like him and hates to be alone. He loves to use toys on them and leave them breathless.
HIS IDEAL WOULD BE SOME ONE 50 TO 70- WHO WANTS TO ENJOY LIFE, AND LOVES TO CUDDLE AND WATCH MOVIES AND YES SOMETIMES GO OUT TO EAT.
MUST BE WILLING TO TOLERATE A HEAVY SMOKER....... and make sure he eats enough food as he tends to have bad days and does not eat right. He does have an older outside dog- so he is pet friendly- just not into pets in the house.
JUST EMAIL ME - LETS TALK AND SEE IF YOUR THE ONE FOR MY DAD.

Why is it when you work on a problem that created Drama and you fix it and move on..................You get Dropped by a potenchal Masochist that was the perfect fit in that he could take heavy play................
all because you tell in your journal what happened.
Life is full of Drama GUYS AND GALS..........
it's what you do to fix and not being afraid to be open and share your life. 
Yes I hate Drama and I went through a very rough 2 weeks, but I am in a better place both emotionally and yes physically. 
Because I got rid of the vanilla roommate............ as I HATE LIERS- CHEATS-AND THOSE THAT TAKE ILLEGAL DRUGS.

AND I WOULD KILL FOR A FEMALE ROOMMATE WHO IS A LOT LIKE ME AND IS INTERESTED IN THE FACT THAT WE CAN PLAY WITH EACH OTHER- AS WELL AS WITH THE GUYS THAT WILL ALSO BE IN OUR LIFE. AND WHO IS ALSO INTERESTED IN DOING PHOTO SHOOTS AND HAPPENS TO BE A RIGGER ( a plus)AND VIDEO'S???????????
ARE YOU OUT THERE........ AND WANT TO CHANGE SCENERY- AND BECOME A PART OF A MERGING POLY HOUSE?????????? 
So now that i have had hit Monday and the night is coming in I look at this time off and see at least some good things got done. Still much more to do. New TV up in my bedroom and yes i will still be spending more time alone and sad and cold till I am ready to go back and start the BS again in plant 3.
For me it will help me pass the time. And Yes still get stuff done here, but also still there is this part of me...................longing for him, that I am trying to squelch down. The tears and the sadness the nights alone. I know it does not just effect me but also him.
I HATE BEING ALL ALONE.........................AND THAT'S A FACT. 
I GET DEPRESSED ALL ALONE. AND THAT IS WHAT I AM FEELING.
THE HOUSE IS TOO QUITE...
THERE ARE DAYS I FEEL I HAVE FAILED HIM BECAUSE ITS DOWN RIGHT HARD TO FIND A FEMALE THAT I CAN WORK WITH THAT ACCEPTABLE FOR HIM AND YET. I WORRY THAT SHE IS OUT THERE AND HOLDING BACK FROM SENDING ME AN EMAIL BECAUSE SHE IS ALSO UNSURE AND CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT WOULD BE EXPECTED FROM HER BY ME OR IT WOULD NOT HURT ME ONE BIT IF SHE JUST CHOSE TO WORK WITH HIM OR A BETA MALE. JUST RESPECT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND I WILL BE FINE . HURT HIM AND I WILL HURT YOU. RIGHT NOW HE NEED'D TLC WHEN HE GETS HOME..............EVEN IF I DON'T KNOW WHEN ANY MORE. 
So here it is one month before December............
I know - some will say too early to think about that yet...........
but at the same time I need to because it invokes a place of peace in me.
So out came the decorations and Up they are going.
The bathroom is decked and is festive.
The kitchen is decked and the tree that goes in that room is sparking and draws they eye with the lights and pattern.
The play room becomes for some play time and it is also decked for the holiday.
Some would wonder why such a jump- but yesterday the one think i had hoped would not happen- but - yet at the same time i knew it would- came down on me like a ton of bricks when called into the office by the bosses- just to be fired because i can't make their demands at the plant because of the RA in my hands now ( as I had it in my back and a little in one hand )- even tho when i was hired it was suppose to be for only making incentive pay and not a requirement to keep your job.But Heck they lie to every one to get them trough the door and cutting their chicken.

 
I don't expect that YOU are going to rescue Me, but what I desire is someone that actually enhances my life. I work still with the One Master (WorshiptheMaster) but i also find myself looking again for my second Master.........................grrr. One who will also want to be a part of my every day life. One who will take pride in me in everything I do both as I submit to them- BUT ALSO WHEN I AM A DOMINATE. I lost my beta Dom- and I am finding it very hard right now to find another VERY STRONG ONE. Been contacted by weak or possers...........and trust me- it will not work with Me. BUT FOR THE RIGHT ONE- AM AM EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR TRUST ME ON THAT................................. Life takes us on a journey with many twists and we all need some one along the way, and for those that are like me they know it can be a clan of people that are built on Love and trust that will get us further then a weak person can go on there own.
DOES IT MEAN THAT I HAVE STOPPED LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT SUBMISSIVES THAT ACTUALLY HAVE THE HEART OF A SLAVE AND WISH TO EXPLORE IT TO THE VERY CORE OF THERE BEING? NO.............WE ARE STILL LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT GIRL OR GUY, AND AGE IS NOT RELEVANT................ ITS JUST A NUMBER, BUT WE WILL NOT TALK TO ANY ONE UNDER 19 YEARS OLD..........SORRY BUT WE DON'T WISH TO DEAL WITH ANYONE YOUNGER THEN THAT------------ALTHO I DO PREFER 25 AND OLDER. 

OUR YOUNG DOM DECIDED TO WEIGHT AND SEE IF HE IS GETTING BACK WITH A VANILLA GIRL............
SO THUS WE ARE OPEN TO TAKING ON ANOTHER YOUNGER DOMINATE MALE THAT WANTS TO BECOME A LEATHER/GORIAN/OLD SCHOOL TRAINED MASTER- BY SUCH A STYLED OLD SCHOOL MASTER???????



Well the walls are done in the red room of pain...........and its time to start getting the furniture- toys ready and built for the room.
and its decked for christmas...................... and planned wickedly good fun.

PLUS......... the green cabin is about to be worked on so a slave cabin will be ready- altho............it may be in use while its a work in progress..........perhaps.

here little girl....................wants some candy...........or perhaps a place to have fun?

Even tho my weekend play plans got messed up by work and instead of going to MAK's play party...............I had to work until 1:45. Works Sucks..........
But I managed still to acquire 
A Medical Ten's Units..............to add to our growing electrical toy field. 
These will make the Zeus Units LOOK TAME............ and are NOT for the INEXPERIENCED in electrical play or the ones that can't handle very strong levels then the Zeus Units will be used on them. 
The best Dungeon's and Dominates usually work on they toy's and are always upping their game...................and that's US. 
CURRENTLY WE ARE MENTORING A YOUNG MALE DOMINATE THAT HAS JOINED OUR POLY CLAN HOUSE ON HIS WAY TO BECOMING A MASTER.
HE IS A STRAIGHT MALE- AND NOT BI.
HE IS 23 YEARS OLD AND WILL BE WORKING WITH ANY FEMALE SLAVES THAT COME OUR WAY OR ARE WANTING JUST TO LEAN THEIR LIMITS THAT ARE 19 YEARS OLD TO 25 THAT PREFER WORKING WITH A YOUNGER MALE.
WENT BACK TO WORK. AND THATS WHEN THINGS FEEL APART. 
NOT WITH ME AND SIR THAT IS- THATS FINE- JUST TOUGH RIGHT NOW TILL THIS LAST TIME OF LONG DISTANCE IS OVER AND HE'S HOME FOR GOOD.
MISS TALKING TO HIM VIA WEB CAM THO- BUT WHEN HE CAN - I AM HARD AT WORK- SO THAT DOWN RIGHT SUCKS.
What fell apart was the second Dom I worked with ( and Yes Sir knew and Approved of it as He loved the pictures from time to time He got) because of my work hours. I work second shift which puts me at work 3:30 ( when I leave to get in since I am close to my job) till we walk off the line at 1:15 am- and occ can walk off the line at 4am. Some times we work a Saturday- but not often.
He was not able to play on a weekend or the earlier hours of the day if needed. Yes His wife knew about Me and approved ( I actually met and talked to Her).
So now I am stuck and this puts a crack into turning everything lopsided on me. 
So Now I have to find another Beta Dominate Male to work with that CAN BE BROUGHT INTO THE CLAN. AND THIS IS GOING TO BE VERY HARD FOR ME- BUT AT THE SAME TIME I NEED ONE ASAP.
A SWITCH WOULD BE DOWNRIGHT AWESOME AT THIS POINT.

WITH THE WORK ON THE RED ROOM OF PAIN - WILL BE RIPPING OUT THE CARPET THIS WEEKEND. 
So the floor will be ready for putting the laminate flooring down and then I can lay out the room's throw carpet and the couple of rubber mats i got to go under a few toys that will go in that room as soon as they are finished with their build. Its just now going a bit slower thats all.

So here we are and in the middle of summer and still hunting for our right fit in both a female or guy................ i knew it would take quite a bit of time.
Ran into possers and wanks from time to time. Plus a few that had no idea what they really wanted............ They had not thought out anything other then just one horny dream......smhs............
But all I ask is before you contact either me or him is be upfront and honest. Know what you want and then tell us. Dick or vagina shots will not get you anywhere with either one of Us. WHat will? Honesty/intelligence/ open to poly/ or ok with a poly household but monogamous with either one of us is fine as thats your choice. Own your feelings and speak up- we can't read your mind or change what you are feeling. We can help through open communication but it has to be both ways and as well as within the group for the heath of all.  Be willing to submit heath documents- illness does not disclude you unless you hide it or have std's..........we all want will want to stay healthy. On occasion play partners are fine but what is really sought are the ones that want long term relationships. 

Pro-sessions can be arranged. 
Currently only Me available.
May include a Male Pro-Dom when one joins us. 


The green cabin is here but currently in use by the vanilla roommate. Till at such time WorshiptheMaster is back home and then He will be moving out and the Green cabin will then be perverted into what it was meant to be. 
Still plans for the Red Cabin to go to the other side of the Green cabin and the space is reserved already for it. Toying with the thought of it being set up for Teacher/student: Scout Leader/cub scout play in one room and then the rest to pet play and furry room?????????
Still pondering that one.
A lot has gone through my mind but then there has been a lot of talk about KINK places where you can stay or rent a play area has begun to be more talked about. Some of this has been interesting to me as it gives new places to go perhaps in the future or New friends we will meet?  
So yes I still have a bunch of things going on and I am still working alone here in Alabama while Sirs away on this place. I still stay active within the local community so you are more then welcome to approach me and talk I will not bite...............unless that was negotiated..............
One good thing about being back home....................
Its the effect that it ha had on my blood pressure.
While at my dad's place my blood pressure rarely went to 130- and once in a extreme while to 129. Back then I was working a very high stress job, and coming back to his place was not quite as stressful- but for me it actually was still stressful. 
Its one of the reasons that they say : You can never go back. 
Him and I are too much alike in just some things.  But at the same time I need peace and quiet IN MY HOME and absolutely NO DRAMA or BS.
If your going to bitch or complain then take that s........... and leave. I don't need it and I don't want it in my life or in the life or lives of those I work with. 
I need them to know this is a safe place...........a place they can release their cares from the world and just for that time be in that moment and time where they feel safe that they can let their mind still.
I do this when I am with WorshiptheMaster- and For that time- time stands still and I savor each and every moment. 

Now its not uncommon since I got back on my blood pressure medication and my pain med's to go from the 119 to 129 range and my highest after a hard play session ( and thats not that heavy compared to what my job use to be like) 135. 
Now if I forget pain meds- 140- add very cold temps on top of no pain med's 169/180. and that's with BP pill or with Out. When under extreme pain stress (( and me being sub to Sir- does not trigger it to go that high)) i have to take a 2nd bp different to the one i take spaced apart.
WHY MENTION THIS- STRESS TAKES ON DIFFERENT ASPECTS AND IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
ITS SOMETHING WE NEED TO KNOW- WHATS GOOD STRESS AND WHATS BAD STRESS. AND WHEN ITS TIME TO GET OUT AND WALK AWAY OR TO SIT DOWN AND TO TALK AND THEN FIX IT.

iF i CAN'T TRUST YOU TO TELL ME WHAT STRESSES YOU OUT- then how can I trust you?
Same as How can you trust Me if I don't tell YOU what stresses me?
The other thing I forgot to mention is we are also looking for a rigger ( male or female) Top or bottom..............ok.
And someone that loves erotic photography that loves working with All sizes - indoor and outdoor to perhaps later work with and do some photographing for Us.
Today was a wonderful day today The one sub that I had been talking to and working with- Today wears my collar.
And still moving forward. And we have only just begin his and MY road together. 
I also am looking for BLACK BULLS- ONLINE (( must have a FETLIFE ACCOUNT))for online humiliation of my white little baby boi- before He comes down to join me when He's ready, and then I will need a black bull from time to time I can tie him down and have him used the way he wants to be used.
I still want a couple that has the same ideas and wants and fetiches similar to our or a fetishist couple. Sub/Sub- or Domme/sub or Dom/sub.................................... Within a large clan it adds more spice when there are more than 2 Dominates?
Females looking for a Safe and secure place then come talk to me and lets chat.
We'll take our time until you are comfortable and secure. YOU don't have to start out with US sexually until YOU want to. Looking from 20 to 50. Single or Married but in an open relationship is welcome. 

So here now summer looks like its heating up pretty good.
I worked with wildsub with a full introduction to impact play, and he loved it. I will be introducing him to the 10's unit the next session.
I also will be working with a couple as well ( she's a switch and he's her sub" hubby").
Ah the good life.
Still seriously hunting another female and perhaps another Dominate to join Us. 
Plus I am also looking into finding Some BLACK Male- Bi Bulls as my one sub male when he comes down seriously wants a very harsh Gangbang rape scene with blacks. He's white and Young (25).
Plus I would like to find him a pet.Anyone interested" Female- who has in mind to be a baby girl or his puppy/kitty. 
I figure it does not hurt to post. Been off here because my time is busy and well I love working with you in real time and not over the internet- other then communicating. 
Here we are and its just about to be May pretty darn soon.
Still life is as usual and I spend a lot of time alone- and I expected that one till WTM is home to stay. 
Being home now since I got fired for being sick has given me time to begin pulling my home into a place that I enjoy coming back to. 
Yes I changed things up and have almost finished all the painting here. The yard is coming on and is just beginning to take on a garden effect, and the little fish pond in the front is begining to fill. Still have to take on the pool and give it a good clean out.
AFTER I TAKE ON THE PLUMBER WHO DID NOT FINISH THE JOB AND HOOK UP THE COLD WATER PIPES AND THE 2 FACETS FOR WATER OUT SIDE. And he wants me to pay him the last 400 for only doing half the job? Nope Not happening since I over paid him for what He did do so far ( I pd for the pipes and supplies) plus gave him a truck he could repair- and gave him already 400.00- and basically got screwed. YEP. ANd NOT HAPPY EITHER. He knew I was on a very tight budget and he also knew I had medical issues and was in the process of moving back into my home.
WHY DO YOU ASK WHY BROUGHT THIS UP? BECAUSE I HATE THE WANTA BE'S AND THE USERS.
IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT THEN YOU DON'T WANT A REAL RELATIONSHIP EITHER. 
Still I am very curious about having another female exactly like me in our house hold because as i have thought about it more it would be fun to explore the double female dynamic and switching up with each other- beside her willing to serve wtm - but also she would love and enjoy interacting with other male sub slaves that will come in and out of our life
as well as the ones that will stay with us for a long time. TPE should be a strong interest for you too, besides learning and evolving and enhancing your skills or just self growth. 
But- wanta be's please think first- do your research and come to any Dom/Domme with something more then Hi- I am a Subbie. We want substance- we want you to hold up your end of the bargain and we should hold up ours. 
It should always be a meeting of the mind. if not then its no good for either of us.


If serious about joining Us then contact me- lets talk. tell me what you will bring into this relationship- what you want out of it from not just Me but also Worshipthemaster- be open to exploration and expanding your limits. He does not dominate sexually other males- He's not Bi or even Bi curious.
I DO HAVE BI CURIOUS FRIENDS................SMILES/ AND POTENTIAL SUB/SLAVES CURRENTLY BEING TALKED TO.
NOW ME- I HAVE BEEN SLOWLY MOVING TO A MORE OPEN POSITION AND MOST HAVE CALLED ME PANSEXUAL BECAUSE I VIEW IF I LOVE YOU ON THE PERSON YOU ARE AND NOT YOUR SEX. YES SEXUALY I LOVE GUYS- DUH- BUT AFTER ONE TIME WITH A SHOCKER FOUND I LIKE DOMINATING LADIES AS
WELL. AND AM I BI- TRULY DON'T KNOW. BUT LIFE ALWAYS EVOLVES AND CHANGES.

SO STILL HUNTING FOR A FEMALE SWITCH- OR SUB-SLAVE OR PET OR LITTLE FEMALE........................................WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
Its hard to believe that March is almost gone. Got some things done- and yet still more to get done.
Miss having someone here with me. Most days I spend them alone working on small projects here as well as job hunting. It sucks big time. I talk to WTM a lot. But long for the day when we have the clan set up and running.
I ended up picking up the crud and thus getting sick right when I still need to get more done. But then that is what I expected. 
So far No takers or any one contacting me. Guess not that many here are serious.
I AM NOW HOME.
Its been far to long away from home so I am setting back to work to kick this place back into High gear and put this house into order.
Still have a need for both a male and Female. I have been hoping for Swich/sub couple or a Slave/Slave couple. BUT I am wanting them local till we see how they will work out before I consider letting them live with Us when He moves back home- OR- I move onto my property a 4 bd/3 1/2 bath double wide moble home.
But for now I am working on the Old Farm house I have lived in before as well as re-cleaning the cement building back up to make OUR PLAY ROOM.
Well February is officially there and thus- I am in the process of moving back home.
It finds me realizing that I have a whole heck of a lot of work ahead of me. Two years away and Even tho it was my one Son in charge of the place- He let them nearly wreck the place. So much to do- its not funny. I find my self wishing that the place was still in the shape it was when I moved out. But for now I will have to live with somethings until I can replace them all over. Ugh.............................     Altho for the time- I do have a KINK FRIENDLY ROOMMATe there- WE ARE JUST FRIENDS and THATS IT. He was my son's last roommate that helped my son finally kick out all the others that were destroying my home. ...........................          I have internet coming in ( Direct TV- on 2 yr contract) for now so that I will be able to talk TO WTM. AND PERHAPS those interested in what our plans are. ...........  I away its been a long time that we have been apart. we have seen each other now on rare occasions- but we do try to talk often to each other. 
But I am not going to lie and say that I am not lonely- I know He is. Thus I know there are others that are wishing to find that special person. We all have to keep our fingers crossed that they come into our lives. 
I still stay active in the local community and go to events and Munches, because of the need to get out and be with like minded people rather then just sit in a chair and just dream. I have seen what it does to someone- they give up. And thats NOT ME- I can't ever let that be me. I write on fetlife either my mundane days or erotica. I write Him too. I am hoping that this is the year of New Beginnings.................ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THAT TOO?????????????????
So glad that is is almost the end of January and closer to moving home. 
But I am still hunting to get back to work myself. I hate being home all day at my dads place right now. So Use to having my hands busy - but also looking into a job that don't quite have me ready to bite someones head off ( The Boss above me- LOL). 
Got to packing up Our toys and realized that we have accumulated a lot of the little things and only have to get the last of our small stuff together next year- depending on the dungeons final set up when WorshiptheMaster is Home. We also have some of the lighting ready to go and our sound system for the cement building. Just need to get the floor dug down ( if I find our slaves they can help) and then pour the cement floor. I plan on putting in 1 floor elec. plug in in the center that way we can use all our elec toys easy. He's fixing to build the fuck machine when He gets home- and we are discussing the possibilities of buying a siberian too. 
Still hunting tho for the right slaves/or slave couple that want what we
 offer. Its up to what you want in life. we would even consider someone that can't be 24/7. Or are not interested in being physically used sexually but they have to be willing to be full service slaves/ pets/or livestock. however. I am considering doing more pro Domme work and might be doing some from home. WE DON'T USE OUR SLAVES THAT WAY- UNLESS THAT THEY WANT TO BE A PART OF MY PRO-SIDE. You have that choice.
It irritates the  crap out of me to talk to someone and then watch them flake out when I set up a meet in RT.
So if you are serious contact me. Lets talk- but if not - don't waste my time or yours.
IF YOU WANT A SESSION WITH ME- OK FINE CONTACT ME AND WE'LL DISCUSS IT. I CHARGE A 45.00 UP FRONT FEE JUST IN CASE YOU WASTE MY TIME AND GAS AND YOU DON'T SHOW UP. 
STILL LOOKING FOR ANOTHER DOMINATE COUPLE TO JOIN OUR HOUSE. 
Finally getting closer to moving back to my home the end of February and I am looking forward to it.  How ever I am frustrated right now as well. Get sick- and work finds a good way to fuck you over, but then I was thinking I needed a change from that place and the way they were treating me. 
So looking into 2015 to be a change. Ironic talk to a guy that is asexual and would have been a perfect fit as a house slave- and wham- I don't hear a thing from him any more. Talk to a female that might be perfect and turns out to be a guy.......... Now that blows.
Talked to a Dominate Couple but that did not pan out- they had no idea what this lifestyle is about- found that out when I meet them in person and got to talking to them about their experiences- and found out they had none. 
Seriously looking................but not in a hurry to just take just anyone. What WE want is the right persons...........and We are willing to bide out time to build our  clan. We want you to bring in your presents and sparkle. Its ok to be a newbie- just don't lie about it. experience is wanted by me sometimes as I try out New things. If Asexual- don't worry- not going to ask you to do things U don't do ( sexual)- but darn it. If I have my Dungeon up and running and I need something while working with someone doing a Pro Session- IT IS YOU RESPONSIBILITY TO SERVE ME. YOU ARE NOT THERE TO BE USED DURING A PRO SESSION. JUST THERE TO FETCH FOR ME MY EQUIPMENT OR GET ME A DRINK- THATS IT. I had one guy think I was going to use him as part of my sessions- NOT HAPPENING. Its strictly between me and my Client. I do a contract up with everyone Now- that want to serve me or Him. I also now will be doing Contracts with Clients. So everything is set and hard limits and soft limits are set down and what is expected so that there is NO grey areas. 
Just sick of the flakes. But other then that my journey has been interesting to say the lest. What 2015 holds- I do not know yet. But last year finally completed my violet wand kit- quite nicely. Still working on my 10's unit and setting it completely up- but that takes time to do it right. Still thinking about adding a whip ( 4 to 6 ft) into my growing impact toys- but then would have to work at building my skill with one up- first the normal way by target practicing with sticky posts and then balloons - then perhaps a lucky bottom????????? 
Will be going back home right after income taxes come back. So i will begin the work on the preparations to ready the house- while my Own Son is with me till He moves out this Summer. ....................................................................................................................................... Currently talking to someone for the MALE HOUSE SLAVE position ( Non Sexual SERVICE ONLY) and ..........STILL LOOKING for A FEMALE HOUSE SLAVE (Non Sexual SERVICE ONLY).. that prefer chastity and serving the Home- in old fashioned Protocol - Gorian Service- Must Be leather hearted and dedicated.         ........................................................................................................................................  I am also talking to a MALE Kajari Slave ( SEXUAL SERVICE- WITHIN HOME GROUP ONLY) that can and will fetch things during outside sessions- and Limited interaction during a pro session- for Humiliation of you and client ONLY. ..PLUS STILL LOOKING FOR A FULL PLEASURE FEMALE KAJARI- WORTHIPTHEMASTER IS WILLING TO TRAIN THE RIGHT GIRL OR GIRLS. Bi are OK or even Pansexual.       .......................................................................................................................................... Also have an opening for another set of Dominates MALE AND FEMALE or a Dom/Switch singles or a Couple that can add to the Household and strengthen it.  ......................................................................................................................................... HOWEVER ALL WILL BE INTERVIEWED- PUT ON PROBATION BEFORE LAST SELECTION IN MADE- IF DOMINATE/ SWITCH OR EVEN KAJARI. MUST BE LEATHER AND INTO 1950'S PROTOCOL AND GORIAN. YOU WILL BE ASKED TO SUBMIT PROF OF BEING DRUG AND DISEASE FREE. Slaves: House collared ones. Will be in chastity and will once taken into home and signed all contracts must note- prefer is given to those that seek the position for lifetime. I hate having to retrain house slaves often- thus be warned.                                           ......................................................................................................................................ONLY SERIOUS MALE/FEMALE/TRANS............NEED REPLY TO ME.... I HATE DEALING WITH WANTA-BE'S THAT ONLY WANT TO ONLINE CHAT OR CAM. THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. ONLY TIME I TALK TO SOMEONE ONLINE IS WHEN WE ARE IN THE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER- BEFORE MEETING- EXP. THE HOUSE SLAVE. BECAUSE ONCE THAT COLLAR GETS LOCKED ON YOU BECOME OWNED BY US. WITH LITTLE OR NO EXCEPTIONS- EXCEPT THOSE GIVEN DURING INITIAL PRE TALKS.  
Glad to be back to work- but then wish it was not winter- and thus shorter hours. I will be finally moving back into my House right when i get my income tax return, Thus here is where it will GET FUN. LOOKING also to find another Dom/or Domme couple to join Us. Kinda hope they are both switches- LOL- an thus it would be perfict for me. One down side- my son will be living with Me for a little while til he moves to georgia- so I can't just yet then have a live in- until summer and he moves- then I want a guy and a girl to live with Me full time and then when WorshiptheMaster comes home there will be all of Us home- Would also love more to join Us ( YES FEMALES_PLEASE- don't want to girl- not that I mind-LoL- been curious about trying out a threesome or foursome- considering I have a high sex drive and never had a chance to try them and Sir wants me to). 
Just had my surgery 2 days ago- and they went in and re-arranged thing's while they took my gall bladder out: basically putting me back to where I was suppose to be inside that the lady who did my c-section was suppose to. Was not given decent pain medication so Having to deal with a lot of pain- and not able to do any driving. I am out of work until the 15th and have to go back to the Doctor then to see if I am ready to go back to work. Still hoping to begin getting back active soon as I can. 
Well its been awhile since i have last written. I just got back on here and reactivated my account again. The one guy turned out to be something that no Domme would ever want because He ran from one to another while talking to them like he was serving just that one Domme- guess what- we do talk to each other and you will be found out. So the Hunt is still On for both a male and a female. I am once again talking to someone local- hope it works out as a play partner. With WorshiptheMaster going to be away a while longer- He and i have talked about adding to our family another Dominate ( male or female) that I can work with or to add to where we intend to direct our Family home. We are very much Leather heart with a full Gorian intent. ..................................................... Right now holding off any Pro-Domme work till after my surgery and healing time- so right now I am down- but willing to still talk and get to know you to see if we can move things foward. 

Still working very hard- but then that is the norm for now. Still looking around with eyes wide open. Still seeking the right fit for Me as well For Us. Have a liking towards Switches- simply because they know that both sides can be used to full advantage when in the right situations- with the right people- and TRUST ME ON THIS ONE- THE RIGHT ONES ARE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR YOU- ME INCLUDED. What one sees as confused or a wanna be- I look at as they have experienced more and understand themselves much better. There are many out there that will not look at you simply because they are not ready for the challenge- I say there loss- is out gain. Still looking ...........talking to some guys right now- but its a wait and see on them. But Still hunting for a Female.........where are you? The one I though wanted to explore- has drifted off- guess she was not brave enough to start a new life and open a whole new chapter- was moving to a new state what scared you off? Then you should have thought long and hard about finding some one more local. AND NO I OR WORSHIPTHEMASTER WILL NOT PAY YOU RELOCATION HERE- THAT YOU MUST DO ON YOU'RE OWN AS PART OF BEING WILLING TO STEP INTO OUR WORLD. If You are looking for a Pro-Domme for Sometimes visits to then ASK ME more- I'll respond- with the same- and no not everything is cash driven with Me- It depends on the Person and the connection. If You seek to be 24/7 or to be a play partner = then ask- I do not bite...........unless we agreed on that- LOL. But I do ask you be a gentleman with decent manners- otherwise- no thank you. Rude males or females are not my thing nor are the adult baby's- but littles are OK ( little boy or girl) or pet Play- after all I do love my pets........

Hoping Every one stays safe during this Out break of   Tornadoes. 

They are changing our schedule and we are facing more Saturdays at work- ugh. It going to make for one tired and grumpy kitty all May. Why is it that just because we start talking ang I want to take it to the point of the person stepping up- they pull back. When I mention play at events it does NOT mean you bring the toys- It means YOU are MY toy. AND I WILL BREAK OUT MY TOY BAG. Yes I am continuing to learn and grow and explore other things- even if I do not bottom and do some things ( EAMPLE: Fire play)= but that does not I can't Do it. In fact I know how to do some forms of fire play and actually will do it- if asked the right way. Its just not a part of what we do in our household- as WorshiptheMaster has set it as a ground rule. But there are times when I do do Pro-Domme work and it might be asked for- and before that happened- I believe that education and learning of new skills is something always to strive for and I love feeding the mind. After all its a dark place and knowledge leads to the light. It helps one to grow and expand and blast past somethings. Its the big reason I always say I am evolving. Just because i am female............don't be shy. I will not hurt you much.....unless you ask. And YES I play with females as well as Males. Sir prefers BBW's or in between and Me in between and well Military go to the head of the line as I have a taste for the guy who has the bad boy looks- but is intelligent and has the manors of a true Gentleman.  I go to events and Demo's. 

For the first time i have 5 days off and I intent to make the most of it. Saturday- going to The MAK event- darn shame that so far as of yet no sub/slave has not stood up and said OK- Lets get serious after spending the time talking and getting to know each other via emails or yahoo. It would have been nice to have someone to play with at the Event............. and that's a shame that very few are serious about being active in the community. 

The work has just started- on the road to home- we burned a bunch of branches that blew down from the winds- and picked up the 3 acre's and will be going back for a little bit next Sunday. The following week will be getting more done when I have more time off. 

Glad we are getting closer to spring so I can work on my house a little at a time while my son is living in the place till I am ready to move back in after I fix the water pipes. The rest i can do while living at home on weekends that I am not working or at an event. Plus I will have some help from time to time as I check out a potential slave. Can't wait for WorshiptheMaster to return in August. Being apart has been a real pain. Then we can truly get serious about things and then look at whom ever contacts us and either inviting them to join us and get Serious about forming a Family. I knew finding a female bbw or an in between masochistic female slave was going to hard and that it was going to take Us some time to find the right fit. As for Me I am looking at 2 males that show potencha as Slaves- and washed out a few. 

Work has kept me down a lot lately so I have been taking this time to go ahead and update and add more things to my toy collection. Still taking care of my dad during the week. Only time I have to play would be on the weekends I am not working. Went to an Event last night and all I can say is I had fun. Everyone that contacts me all seem to want to stay in the shadows and are not in the community. For me the community offers Safety and also sets up s even a safe Zone for a bottom. It takes a lot from the right person just getting to know them before I play solo outside of the community- but i do it on occasions- when my dog travels through Alabama and we meet up at the hotel- and he wears my stripes. And we are both happy- but that is not very often- which does Suck. 

Its hard to believe its February now. Been so busy at work with all the changes going on- and the working in the new people to out place . Been working on My Violet Wand jit on and off beside the Zeus Hand Held electrical set I carry from time to time with me to events- just in cause some one wants to experience it. So looking forward to the CBT Demo at our Shindig- and I hope the one guy i have talked to is up here by the 8th- so I can take him with me to Play. Been by my old home on and off- this month. But have a lot to do there before I can move back in- it may take Me longer to move back home due to the work that will be needed to fix it back up from the boys. 

Still hard at work running long hours. WorshiptheMaster will be away a little longer. But Still after a Switch that loves the local community and has an interest towards Frolicon. Had hoped we would be going together- and its early yet to make plans. But boy do I need a break and time to get way and play and just relax. 

So looking forward to when things slow down and I have more time. We are still hunting for the right Girl to join Us- But My Sir prefers BBW's and really wants a pain slut. She can be a switch- but He is all Dominate and does not Switch. ......................... I am still seeking the right Male sub........one that is a switch would be lovely and I would hope would not have issues with being out in the local Community-.. Both Me and WorshiptheMaster are active in the Kink Community. Me here and Him where he is at till He comes Home to stay in March. I have hated not moving forward in Protocol and being stuck at a stand still as Sir Intends for me to achieve the Gold Shaw as well as get down to earning my feather. I have hated not spending time with My mentor- but He's schedule and my work schedule collide bad. Because I don't get home till 2 and staying at my dads place has put a kibosh on a lot of things- for me. But that is about to come to an end in March. Then Sir and I will begin a serious Hunt for the right people and a few Dominates to join our family ( Leather- Old Guard/ and Gorian) - I told Him I really want a rigger to join Us to make this Rope Kitty happy. ........................................................................................................  Like I mentioned before Willing to do Pro-Domme work on occasions- and for a select clientele.......... lets see if you are interested ( I do electrical/ impact/ and CBT) : I am also on under same name.  

Still putting in long hours at work to help me pay the taxes on the house, and get ready for the move back home in March. Still have to get me a car before then. Drowned my cell phone at work ( because I am always soaked ) so using my dads until I get a new one. Still hope to find a sister sub more on the shape of me to serve WorshiptheMaster. If I have not contacted you I am sorry- but its been rough- and more so with my job closing the Boaz plant and it has everyone at our plant on edge as they pick on those of us who are older and yell at us because we are slower then the younger people ( but we do our jobs right- so they can't just fire us) and they push and push until you get hurt and then they find a way to fire you. been luckier then most as they don't bother me at all- because No One Wants My job-LOL. I intent to hold it as long as I ant or till Sir tells me enough is enough- and then become a full time Domme. By then our Dugeon will be finished. We now have a torture Chair with spikes almost finished to add to the beginnings of our Dungeon  furnature.

I am now well again- but I am working 48/50 hour weeks- due to my Job shutting down the Boaz plant and they have begun shifting the work slowly over to Us as well as shifting people over to our plant each week. ...............................................................  Still have to replace my branding tube for my violet wand- plus get the metal extension. I am going to buy the Mylar flogger and the chain flogger next to add to the kit. Once I finish getting everything for the kit then I will move to the Estim and get some of that stuff. We should have a pretty good Electrical Play set Up by March. ....... We will also have the start of Dungeon furniture as well. So We are off to a good start. In Just 4 Months- We will be Home- and Will be busy settling back in and working around the place. Then WorshiptheMaster and I will be 24/7 together.  .......  Then All we'll need is a pair of slaves that can serve Us frequently=   Besides me  getting ready to do More Pro-Domme work as a Dominatrix on the side in Our Dungeon- or at MAK Events- if asked for Play or approached just to play.  ............       I still have hopes to Find a Rigger to join Us. I already have another Dominate Male joining Our Family ( and He has 4 sub's - 2 fe-2 male). And He's Not a Sadist although He  can play up to the level if needed. ................................................... Still however looking for Female and Male sub's and slaves or even couples... Switches welcome. 

Right now working a few 11 hour days and wiped out. Then add on top of that that I got Bronkidias and I am taking antibotic's, so I have been so tired these past 2 weeks. The event was great. Looking forward to the next one. If the rigger comes back......... this rope kitty is going up in ropes once again.............that is if I get permission from WorshiptheMaster.......LOL.  ............................................................................................ 

Hard to believe its going into another month ( November). So Much is up this month. Got an event I am going to. Will Be seeing WorshiptheMaster on and off this month ( till He's back home- end of February). ........................................................... Smiles...... Seriously so far the journey towards where I was and to where I am now- so far is something that has built me Up. Every One needs to take time look within and focus on themselves- that way they can give 100 percent to their partner. If you don't take care of you're self- then how can you care for them? 

I am also willing to play Part time- If if that is what you Need perhaps...........as well as For My Convenience. There is many things one can get from the other. When you ask me to Do a Pro-Domme Play- just remember : When I do play that way- yes you get what you want out of it- Time With A Mistress: kneeling in submission at my feet. But I get what I need and crave as well. There will be pain, and perhaps pleasure. However.............I DO NOT DO THE WHOLE BABY THING; NO THANK YOU. FIND ANOTHER DOMME FOR THAT PLEASE.  It does nothing for Me. Yes I will play with females..............or later on I can Do C0-Topping with my other Half.........If with the right female................................................ or Male whom only desires to be flogged.  Any How................... Still looking for a sub or a Slave couple or a Switch/ sub couple or those wishing to learn and explore............then hit me up, and lets talk. 

I have been growing and will continue to grow- Heck who doesn't. It is the interaction I get from those I am with- its seeing the light in their eyes. What you seek when looking for the right person will depend on what you're needs are and where you're desires lay. Some of Us ( me ) its in the mind as well as the person. I have absolutely No issues in non sexual play and frankly neither should you. Oh I can swing it the other way as well but that will depend on time- and how well we get along. I am not just on here but also on : There you can see of what I am into because CM does not list it. If you seek a Dom/Domme couple- then you have found that. I seriously hope to find and build the right bond with both male and female sub/slaves that are willing also to on occasions to come out and join me at events. Where we go in this journey is you'rs. If you seek ...........Ye shall find. I believe that I will eventually find the right people......to me it takes time and patients, and a willingness to keep on hunting till the right one comes along. 

Some ask why do I go to Events when I do not play? Well one of the things is I socialize so I do not turn into a hermit and jsut shut down when not with Sir- or with anyone. Plus at times some pretty good dem;s come up and i earn something new. If One is not willing to grow then how can they give their Best? Would I consider Pro-Domme Play" Maybe- depending on what it is. But I still hunt for the subs I want. I want to play and explore and have fun with CBT as well as tit torture. Its about the rush and the thrill of taking a guy or even a girl some place they have never been. Or Co-topping a female with My Sir when and If we get lucky to find a pain puppy. 

Hard to believe that I managed to go with out warm Up with canes- with WorshiptheMaster- but i did kinda yellow out on the breast. And I am not a pain Slut- so thats saying something. Still hope to find Him a pain slut and Me I need a pain puppy who is  a switch. Any One Up to the challenge ????????????? 

Have not been on here in awhile. Between work and the n going to The Munch and a few events - it seems time kinda slips away. I either get someone that only wants to web cam or they talk to me and disappear when I ask if they want to meet at the Much or a local restaurant near me. Heck an I that scary when i say I play as a Sadist? But I can tone it down some- LOL. Just because I am with someone- we are both Poly and still seek a male and female pain puppy's. Still hope to find a rigger. Switches are Most welcome here. 

There are many things that have to be considered - one is getting to know each other as well as getting to know everyone. It take patience, and a willingness to talk and talk and talk. Then when we finally meet- and I while watching how you interact with others I am observing how you behave- and trust me I do take notice. We will talk but that will not be the only time we meet at a Munch. But when we get down to basic's and are ready to get into anything serious- expect that to be a private convo where its just you and Me Or you and Me and WorshiptheMaster. Then we will get down to the point of moving you from someone we are considering to under our Protection. Then after 6 months We will evaluate everything, and  then chose to either work you towards wearing our collar or as our occasional play partner..........or we go our separate ways. But its you're choice. Take you're time just like we do. 

What you choose..........you best be prepared for. Those whom kneel should know whom they have chosen very well. Trust goes both ways. I need to trust you- to be honest - trustworthy - loyal -and to communicate openly when you can to what scheduled agreeded on. 

Been hard at work- and thus have had so little time to play. My One young sub has been doing the same, and He as to stand before WorshiptheMaster and do his interview with him. Because any guy that wants to play with Me other then my Mentor. Needs to talk to Him as well. Now A girl........No restrictions.......but I still want Her to talk to him, and hopefully be eager to be co-topped by Us both. Married is not an issue provided that you're spouse is aware, and talks to both of Us. We want no hidden surprises- or cheaters. ........................................................................................... FEBRUARY OUR HOUSE KICKS OFF FULL TIME: so we are seriously looking for someone or a couple........that wants a 27/7 . Looking for sub/sub or switch/sub couple. 

Still on the Hunt for yep. The allusive female. But hoping to find one for an occasional play partner.........Masochist please.  .................................................................................  Work has keep me down right busy this past couple of months. .................................... Update: WorshiptheMaster will be very shortly collaring Me to Him- as his Sub- and Also His Domme....... partner when working with others.  ............................................... Once His time of work is past: He will also be active in the local community. .............. Personally I am in the local community- thus - I am known. Yes I am a female- and NO I am not a wanker. I believe being known ad active in the local seane, is one of the best ways to go. I expect that you at lest understand- and can at lest interact with Me on that level on occasions. Trust is every thing to me. Take the time to get to know me on a personnel level. Communication is the cornerstone of every form of relationships or even life. .............................................................................................  Its when you don't take a chance- and reach out that you loose. 

I had and I repeat I had found a girl I though would have worked out fine. We talked and talked and talked, and all looked like it was going good- then I sent her the information to mine and worshipthemasters yahoo messenger  as I keep mine open- while i am awake before I go to bed and not on - or Collar Me. I talked to her about coming to my local Munch and meeting me in person..............and you guessed it. It had to be a guy posing using female photos. Because after that he blocked me on . BUSTED.................... So yep, I am looking once again for that elusive critter the female Masochist that wants to play with a Dom/Domme couple. Who's local to me. First as a Play Partner.............then possibly more........depends on how well the situation works. If you happen to be a double sub couple or a switch/sub couple..........Good.  ............................................................................................................  On the other hand right now been working my tail off at my everyday job- with no time to play...........................

There has been times when I miss the interaction of another female. For me its a bond on a different level- more in the form of sisterhood- best friend level. I have worked with another couple a long time ago that was a sub-switch female/slave male that  for a short time ( 4 yrs) a part of me and my previous partners poly home. Since her partner was military and so was mine it was a comfort for both of us. Neither one of us were bi- but we both had no issues on sharing and playing on the non sexual line, so it was great. We shared the load and the good and bad times. Since I have gone back into the kink world a year ago now and have grown and changed alot in the forms of play I do now. I still miss the forms of play that one can do with another female and then hand them to you're partner and continue to have a good time. It takes time to find the right female that has the same attitude- but- patients- will lead to the right one when she comes around. And if She happens to be part of a couple seeking to join a poly home..........all I can say is goodie. Extreme Brownie points for an extreme Masochistic female- please. And if She happens to be a rigger- Bingo. Or Her partner a rigger- still a Bingo. The future is looking brighter for getting closer to kicking of the build of our dungeon. Because by the time we get everything up an rolling we will have a riggers wet dream built within our dungeon, beside the X cross- The cross of David., spanking benches, Bondage table . stockades, and on hands and knees stockade for male and female, plus going to make sure we have an impailer plus some neat extra goodies that will make it fun to play in a well stocked Dungeon- when it becomes our House's turn to host a MAK event. 

I enjoy working with floggers and crops, and paddles. Plus not to mention working with canes. It just depends when working with a Slave or sub- but don't expect that i play that hard every day. 

Those that wish to work with me. I can work solo or with WorshiptheMaster when He's around. How ever please note he will know about it way before we meet. If working with Play partners please note- I play non sexual. I only play sexually with My Sir and those Bonded to our House and APPROVED by Him. I Do not do Shibari- sorry not well with Knots. I work with Knifes all day- so yep- I do knife play. 

My special gift is done for WorshiptheMaster. My how time fly s. Work has kept me busy lately, but still active in the local community. What is there to say? well plenty. If a good work ethic says something when one jumps back into the work force when One Must. It shows they are prepared to go the extra mile. I expect no less from anyone then what I would do. Most of my time in the past i was always at home. I took care of the Home front and yep my kids. I worked when we needed the extra cash. Still have a few more things to do, but then after that its going to be smooth sailing for me. Want to take the time and eplore further more areas of who I am and learn more about where I can go and become an even better Dominate when I need to be. Being a Switch is great and frankly suits me just fine. 

been doing pretty good selling my stingers and have one more going to one of my group members. Right now I am ready to go ahead and expand on public play, rather then sitting and just observing from the side lines and only playing on rare occasions. With Me and WorshiptheMaster soon his long run with work will be coming to a near conclusion and he'll be back in Alabama- perhaps for a good while- I can Hope-LOL. But still the ever hunt for a Female Masochistic Bottom is very slow. Knew that would take a bit. I just want her to understand - One- I am not by nature a jealous person and never have been. Yes I can dominate a female in almost all ways as well as a male- just that if she chooses anything sexual then that would be left to WorshiptheMaster or My Sub. Now I have been doing well with talking with Earth Dust- but we still are working out when we can meet. However I still want someone local whom can either be a play partner or a sub that is into the local BDSM community. Sorry - but my preference is for both to be withing the community- or willing to become active in the local community. This is for both of our safety. I like to take things slow and get to know someone and then see where it goes. 

Whats ironic is the amount of work i do in the 8 hours and yet no real rest other then the weekend. Love WorshiptheMaster and how things are going although its still complicated due to the distance, until we both can see each other. My 2 subs that are long distance are good to talk to- but Still Looking for both a Male and a Female who are local to work with as I really want to enjoy the interaction on a personnel level pf working with some one. And if either one has a foot fetish.............Brownie points. Found out from work my feet have gotten very sensitive, and when a friend of mine game me a foot massage- I found out that on both feet I have a toe that triggers a very interesting reaction. LOL can you say Orgasmic Toe/..............smiles.  

Well now on first shift so I get up early- way earlier then i use to. Its been awhile since I have been here. Looking forward to the MAK event on the 20th. Just wish either Master or my Sub would be there so I can play, as right now both sides of me are inching to play. However been making a whole bunch of para-cord stingers to fill in some time. Will be making leather ones Next month before I start on the Ruler Paddles before we have our first Toy Venders event.  Still hunting for either a male or a female play partner that both have Masochistic tendency that need 2 Sadists when both can play together or even one of Us. 

Sunday Munch went very well as we talk about our next event. We are heading for a sampler along with BDSM intro class along with play and a toy sale . So going to have a bunch of my stingers there. So it looks pretty good that i am heading towards my first time in public play at this event. Provided I find the right bottom at the time. But if it pops up in our sampler that we will be doing ropes.......then going to get WorshiptheMasters permission to bottom as a rope bunny. 

Got the first payment in and they did not give us a hassle  The boys are more confident then i am about this, and they are tiring so hard to cheer me up. Just about to start making more stingers that I can sell at the MAK event to help make extra money so that I can still continue to  pick up equipment for later on when I can once again get back to the thoughts of a Dungeon, but Heck an excellently well stocked toy bag is noot half bad either. That way when I get to play i can have fun, either in private play or at an event or a public dungeon. With everything that I explore I take my time to lean and then perfect my skills as a Dominate or WorshiptheMasters submissive. 

Still working with the bank and tring to pull things back from the brink of the mess. Altho for me it has been a step back. The boys are living it up- now that mom is stuck taking care of dad and living in his small bed room. Nice thing is it has a lock. Bad thing is- I am not allowed to hang any pictures up or even my dream catchers and for me that is not a good thing. I have had restless nights where my inner wolf has been howling his head off wanting me to follow him on a dream walk and I am right now afraid to go, but soon I will have to. Through my dreams I see things that excite and drive my muse, or warn me about trouble brewing for my friends and very rarely for myself. That part if find ironic in in dream walk its more about others then self. My other half of my soul which is the cat can either be a little ( a meek Persian kitty- or A Tiger- as a Dominate) is what I am most of the time. I flow from them like water and can move to either one with no issues, but I stay as the tiger most times because I hate it when someone thinks a giver...........means a door mat ( nope).  

Well went to the Realtor and knew what my place was worth so when the bank tried telling me my place was worth way less then I owed- I knew they were full of.......... . And were after the my place as they could make a profit quiet easy at my expense. They shot down even a quick sale.........but then turned around and said I we paid them A certain amount of money that caught up the 2 back payments and next months payment we could refy for another 5 yrs- WtH. So the scramble is on to see if we can get my Ex to get off His but and py the back child support He owes- If we can do that then we can save the dream. But right now I am holding my breath. Not to mention taking care of my dad is testing my patients to the extreme. But I do have the ability to escape and get out and hang with my ever growing kinky family at my local Munch, and the wonderful friends i have made there. Yes it takes time and makes me count to ten,,,,,,,,,,,and then let my breath out as I remind myself he's my dad. But there are those times I just want to duck tape him to his chair amd make him takes his meds and to eat right. Then there are thoughts well ,,,,,,,,,,,,,If he found another kinky submissive that needed the companionship and light guidance of a sensual daddy dom.....He'd be better off and perhaps much more happy- as I tend to rub him all the wrong ways. Even tho He loves me.............we are way to much a like, and He can't handle the fact that His daughter is a Full on Sadist.......and the fact yep I love to beat the heck out of guys with my whips and i drool at getting them on a X cross all bound and gaged- and when it comes to the non sexual side of S/M you bet you I love doing the same to a female and seeing her eyes glaze from where I am taking her, then smile and then let someone else take over and finish Her off. Yes I have an understanding that even in a poly relationship the green eyed monster has no place, but if you work at it and realy keep you're self focused on the needs of not just you're self but also others then even green eyed monster fades away. 

Right now- things are liquid and in some areas have gone beyond my control. Working on dealing with the effects that when one had to quit work to heals ones body ( my back) and to get off living on pain pills- can and does effect their ability to keep everything stable. I was able to keep it together- to make sure the boys got through High School and excepted into Snead College. But then it crumpled. I am tiring now to save my dream, and at the same time tiring to find work. My Dream has always been my Home ( who I am - and my lifestyle is not my dream as to me its like the air I breathe............its just me) but I am struggling. I have been packing a little at a time, but still- have a long way to go just in case I fail. Going to check with a Realtor about 2 options: One I like over the other: 1. sell one acre off of my 3 areas ( the open flat area ) to pay off the little that's left on the loan- and save my home or 2. quick sale the property and try to get something out of the equity that I have built up and just walk away. That one sucks. That place was my retreat......my sanctuary after my first Dom died while I tried to save him. It was my place to find my heart- my mind- and yes rediscover my heart. It was a stable place for both me and my kids. Not to mention a place for me to reach out and help other teens when I could. That is one of the reason I have not been on CM this week as I was tiring to come to grips with this when a family member whom was going to help me refy my home turned on me and well through me and my boys into a head trip. Yes I talked about this matter to WorshiptheMaster- and He knows whats going on. The same person that was going to help I have been caring for after a bi opsy to see if the prostate cancer has advanced or is staying the same. Not to mention the fact that he hurt me by throwing my kink in my face - when that same person is in of himself kinky as well- but no longer interacts with anyone after the death of his partner ( his wife). So much to do and yet I really don't want to. I guess the fear of this change has me taking stock- of where I go next. Does it stop who I am............or what I am ............nope., I just kinda slows me down just a bit till I land on my feet like a cat. 

Been a good weekend for me So far. Altho I have not played recently at all with a submissive- its not that i have not had a chance- trust me -I did. But part of what makes a good relationship is considering both. I desired to retake the BDSM quiz again, and yep there was changes in it from 6 months ago. It shows progress. Became 100 percent Sadist/ switch 100 percent...Experimental 100 percent......Bondage 100 percent ( well that is obvious as I am a rope bunny- LOL) 93 percent submissive..93 percent exhibitionist ( LOL). Degradation 83 percent.......Dominate ........82 percent ( the improvement)... Masochistic...... 79 percent ( ok thanks to my Mentor Master Sir Stephon and MY Master WorshiptheMaster.........LOL) ...and they listed me 10 percent Vanilla..............what the heck...........there is nothing Vanilla about this one evil sadistic Domme when She plays............snickers.............although this kitty loves to lap vanilla  ice cram of her yummy Master's............

APPARENTLY CM NOW SENSORS WRITING. TO FIND OUT ABOUT WHERE PART 2 ON HOW I PLAY IS WRITTEN YOU WILL HAVE TO EMAIL ME. I AM LOCALLY KNOWN WITHIN MY COMMUNITY  THUS YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW THE OTHER SITE- IF NOT ASK- I WILL ANSWER. READ ALL POSTS THOROUGHLY THO. 

I am on CM for the forums as well as talking to other like minded people. I love to learn and pick others brains and continue my growth - yep - even as a switch. I DO EXPECT SOMEONE THAT IS SERIOUS ABOUT TALKING TO ME TO READ MY POSTS AND CHECK ME OUT AT -My matches here- so you should have no issues. IF I CAN'T VET YOU- DON'T TALK TO ME. MALE AND FEMALE ARE WANTED AS EITHER SLAVES/SUBS OR BOTTOMS. THOSE JUST WANTING TO LEARN- WE OFFER A PUPPY COLLAR- TO HELP YOU EXPLORE IN SAFETY  BUT AND I MEAN BUT. YOU WILL BE EXPECTED TO LEARN. SEE PART 2 ON HOW I PLAY ON . I take my safety and those I play with very seriously and I will not compromise that. Married Persons wishing to interact with either me or Worshipthemaster had better expect we WILL talk to the other person and they will be on board with you playing with either one of us (CHEATERS ARE NOT TOLERATED AND WILL BE BLOCKED). I WILL STATE AGAIN- I AM NOT A FINDOMME- BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL NOT BE A GENTLEMAN AND FAIL TO TREAT ME LIKE A LADY. Both of us are Sadists...... and well a nice masochistic bottom or slave would be wanted..........service bottoms are also desired.  ONLINE is only short term. We prefer all our interactions to be in RT. You will become known within the local BDSM community- not just for our safety  but also you'rs. if you have issues with this- then we will have issues with you. Its a safety thing, and i have every intention on being safe for my Master as well as those that I love and hold dear in my life. TRUST ME- HURT ME AND YOU CAN AND WILL BE SORRY- emotional pain is not what I mean as that takes time and only comes in a relationship when trust is broken- but if you physically attempt to harm me non consensual - then BE WARNED- I HAVE FRIENDS THAT WOULD LOVE TO HURT YOU.

I want it to be well known I take safety very seriously. I may talk to you and see where it goes, but if you don't follow through and show me that you respect safety not only for you're self or disrespect my safety then its never going to happen that we will ever meet. I expect those I meet and play with to be hopeful known within the community, but if you are not- then be prepared to get well known first. You will attend Munches with me and in the beginning I do NOT PLAY. First Get to know me as I get to know you. Trust needs to be earned. Lets talk and get to know each other. If its just a one time play session- fine- but be prepared to go through me getting to know you. You can send references of those you have played with so i can talk with them- and I incurage you to talk to those that know Me. I expect you will want to check me out as well and I am comfortable with that. When you are with Me however - I expect you to be a respectable gentle man and how Me respect at all times. I will treat you the same way. Safe Calls should be set up- and yes I do set them Up as well. Plus I talk to WorshiptheMaster, and if I have played with you I do not mind giving a reference- but only if I know you personally or I am not going to even do that. 

With the coming of time one needs to step forward and move into the spot light and be willing to show if they are willing to see if they want to move forward in relationship. Hiding behind just chatting and not willing to take it to the next level and we meet face to face is not except-able. I don't care if you are Male or female- what I do care is that you be real and honest. I have no time or patients for wanna bes. 

Have to admit that when WorshiptheMaster showed up today for my birthday when we thought he could not make it was the best present ever. Altho He was hurting because he had pulled muscles at work, and had not even mentioned He was sore. it was the best ever day after a lot of things that could go wrong went wrong all this week for me. And yep looking at his mark on my right breast makes me smile even now.

Its been hectic with dealing with graduation. One see's all the hard work- blood = sweat and tears pay off when their kids graduate. Its an investment of time and love and a whole lot of discipline. Thus when you think about it We invest our time in you to help you grow. We shed tears when we see you grow within the relationship. We use discipline and guidance to help mold you the way that you need to go for both you're benefit and ours. We feel pride and love just like a parent watching the relationship grow, and yes we also shed tears if its time for one to move on. But its every aspect of the relationship that makes it sparkle and shine. I see that in the things I do for WorshiptheMaster as well as When i work with my boys. And I have set them free to take on the challenges of life. Now its my turn to take on the challenges of Being WorshiptheMasters Princess- as well as continuing protocol and learning every thing I can. I see so much to learn and experience and it will be great to express and share it. But i am not going to deny the fact I need a good service bottom tho.

Some of the people that tend to contact either me or other Mistresses only seek someone that can feed their fetish wanking by tiring to get Us to only talk about just them. And I end up telling them its not about you and you need to either leave that stuff behind............or keep looking. And we know those types will be the ones that are not worthy of our time or even Our attention. For one thing I have no intention of endless web caming with someone I am not going to meet in person ( then I will web cam with only during the times we are separated as I check up on you and How you are doing) or if you are talking to WorshiptheMaster because you had better believe He is going to be talking to you if you are one of mine, same as I will be talking to the other females that we find that wish to join Us. There is Only One set of Protocol and both WorshiptheMaster and I work to set and then tweak them till we find the right protocol that will work within our Family Home. Both of Us prefer all our interactions to be with those that can serve us at least 60 percent of the time and yet also know we will respect you're personal dynamic's and space but everything needs to be brought up and talked through with Us. Because if we do finally chose you to serve Us after a trial period to see if We all fit nicely together and are comfortable- you will be signing a contract with us about limits and working towards earning a collar within our family. 

Figured I might as well go ahead and make the switch over before my birthday, as most of the time if I play I only play as a top. Right now my relationship with WorshiptheMaster must take prescience as well as my family. LOL, I love the times i get to play as a top, although right now Thats kind of spratic as 2 of my subs are long distance, and right now tiring to get a local male and female would be extremely enjoyable to me right now and would be helpful until the time He can come home to stay and not have to travel for work.  With for him retirement is 3 years away, so till then i will also be going back to work once I find another job. I expect those that are mine to reduce my stress by being obedient, and yes some what service oriented. Time for play comes when One is relaxed. There also needs to be times of still time where we can discuss things and get to know each other. But I intent to continue to go to more events and continue to grow and learn Not only a Domme' but also through loving submission to my Sadist loving WorshiptheMaster who knows That His partner in crime is not a Masochistic bottom- LOL- as all truth be told I am a sadist just as much as him. But when 2 are a pair we both give to each other exactly what each one needs and willingly through love. 

So looking forward to my birthday. WorshiptheMaster will be home for a short time to celebrate my birthday and we plan on having fun with a 10's unit.....and yep Me as a Bottom and Only to Him ( Don't ask because it is not ever going to happen ) and that will be after ............my birthday spanking. Plus not to mention the fact that I will be getting a Violet Wand Starter Kit, and yes later on I will expand it. For the wand play. I intend to be the point of the contact as I work with my either bottoms or my personal slaves/subs. Now that I have found the One I chose to allow to collar Me who will be my life partner as well as My Primary...........very shortly I will be changing the information Here away from a Switch to a Dominate. Don't get me wrong, Yes I do submit to One who is a Master, and No it does Not make Me less a Dominate. But for all intent and purpose for what W/we have chosen and will move to this will be the time now to go that way. While He's away I am always a Dominate, and Never a submissive. In fact I know quite a few switches that Only submit to One and then are totally Dominate with others.  Yes I still am willing to talk to sub/slaves- both Male and female............that want to play or go more into working with some one for longer. But just beware that This is Yes with A Sadist Pair. Both WorshiptheMaster and I are both Sadists..............and would love to get out hands on both sex or a couple Masochistic Bottoms. 

With working around the property it has put me back to a point of thinking back to all those I talked to and I wish them well. Shame I lost track of a few friends- and hope to talk to them again. Some I hope to meet and get to know and yep pick their brains. Learning about the leather culture is very very interesting as well as expanding my High Protocol and stretching it further. I stop and study each and every session with My Mentor, and talk about it with WorshiptheMaster and yes even some of my friends. Learning and expanding myself has been the most uplifting for me as of right now, and yes it is helping me from dropping too far down in the darken pit again. I still seek both male and female, but once I find the right ones and meet them in real time and begin working with them towards the end of seeing if they wish to remain play partners or collared pets or pain sluts.................hummmmmmmmm. Oh well. I am talking to 2 long distance ones that if it goes ok- will be occasional partners- unless they chose to join later a poly group- but then they still will have to talk to WorshiptheMaster and meet with Him. We speak very openly on everything and our bond is tight. But right now We are working on Just ourselfs .....others as play partners or bottoms...........and Still seek a few females. I will update later if It goes to what Him and I expect......then It will be a Dom/Domme couple......in the future. I am still looking for the right sub or slave that wishes to work with me within my local community and attend Munches and events with that I would enjoy. But be warned I need someone that can handle pain. Female is ok...........as a service bottom to Me.

I have been slowly working back up to now my more normal self and that is good. So Much to be done, and to work and gain from. Time to get cracking they say and jump full forward again. Desided to see just How much I had doe and I was actualy surprised that I had done quite a bit, altho there are still areas of both Impact play and  wax play I have not done yet...............and trust Me That will not last Long if I have My way. I plan on also taking classes in fire cupping as well as yep............Electric play with both a Ten's Unit and a Violet wand. For Now I will prepair and get the perfect toys to go with electric play, at the same time I have been getting some More Uritha toys. LOL I already have One sounder Kit but now I want the set I can hook up with electro play, and thats not mentioning the other peicese that  can use to torture a female with. But those new toys- will wait until I pay and get the House refied so The Dungon can be put back on track between work. Like I said Once its built or even in the process of Building it. I will put up cabins for our slaves for when they visit that they will be responsible for while they are OURS. That way they know once Here they Have their place, and there for can prepair to Serve Us any way we choose. Wicked Grin..............Still hopeful to find a feamle or 2 to join as pain sluts or perhaps a rope bunny or even a rigger?

Sigh...........been awhile sense I wrote here but here it goes. Going through this round of protocol and seeing it from another angle of Strap-On made me stop and think. Could I do forced Bi-? Yes I could even tho for me Its just not my thing. For Me to dominate a female I prefer the Mental side as well as the power, and if I submitted because My Master wished it........well I would because I have that much trust in him- no matter the fact that for me its just is not my thing. Sigh......but understand it Yes I do. There will be over the course of growing together allot of things I may do that I may not like......but try them and learn from them I will as we learn to process things together. That is how strong my trust in him is beginning to get. As well as I have learned to trust My Mentor and His guidance to becoming more stronger and self aware of how I am as well as what I can become. Last Wensday was a big learning point...........and well as remembering to make sure that you're sub packs every thing away properly.  Because I lost one of My fishnet stocking that go to my my  corsets. But took care of that and got some with lace tops I can snap on or wear with out the corset. Learning is a never ending process, and well I also took on learning the leather lifestyle to expand who I am and to embrace all I can be..smiles. Beside being a Mirror image for Master (WTM) as well as the best person I can become as A Mistress to those whom serve Me. Right Now Living and Loving the journey I am on and growing Loving those I love is spectacular.       However Still seek the ever allusive pain slut Female for Master is one hunt I have only just begun to find out may take time.........but I do have all the time in the world......because what we seek must fit into our slowly ever forming poly Household . ............................................................................ OK On a final not Went to the MAK event and had a blast. I learned somethings from the beginnings of hopefully will be many classes in BDSM 101: with Lilly Pain. Plus watching my friends play was great. But hope next time we have an Event.............god I so want to play for the first time.....in public.

Yesterday I had prepped as good as I could for today. I I even had a massage from My One sub who is a  switch but has a sadistic dominate streak. He got every knot in my back un-knotted and me relaxed to the point that I feel asleep once I got back to my house. I ate dinner talking to my sweet Master (WTM) who's still far away at work and we chatted a good while While  ate my veggie salad. But I should have suspected Something out of My one Sub. Yes He has topped me once in private and dropped me like a rock just using my own dragon tail and words against me to get me to go into submissive mode so I would not stay top Dominate locked up. Well Had my morning start of frantic........the boys late for school.........the house a mess, and Me in a panic.....and not knowing what to wear. Well He popped Over Unannounced at 8 am. And took Me proceeded to Top me and make me drop. He handed me the blue Hawaii Sleeping short set I wear when at his place and was ordered to put it on  after he forced me to calm down any way He had to to make me get through Protocol because i looked a mess. So after what was done to me ( see below)  I took off the T Shirt that I was wearing with no pants.............cleaning the House and put it on. But before that he well Made me do something I did not want or hope would be done to day. He proceeded to use My one favorite glass toy and well made me take it up the ass...........I was so red but obeyed...........because he knew today was important to me. Then He made me go to the bathroom and clean myself up. Sit down and he brushed my hair and massaged my shoulders and reminded Me I could do anything. That They knew i was strong...........but sometimes even the strong ones need Help to prepair for something important, and He was pleased i turned to Him for the massage rather then taking a pain pill. Now I am ready and say yep bring it on......... although being in what He put Me in is not exactly perfect for protocol.

It can get easy to lose oneself if they don't take time for themselves and just cave out some peace and quiet to relax and ponder on just what caused the problem. I find it hard at times to step back from My Kids during this last 4 weeks prior to their graduation. But for me I also miss my Master as well. Its been awhile since we have been together but He's coming Home May. yippy............ Then this summer I get to work with 2 of My sub's if everything works out. I will be spending time with The one from Penn. Who has done alot and so far has followed a few link ups with Me on as well as we have been getting to know each other on yahoo.Then there is my Canadian slave that is also going to come down to Me. Looks like I get to play and perhaps post picks of me at play on .  Still looking for a few females, but about to post an add on as here I just get guys...........not complaining, but Master Needs some to play with 2 as well as my dog. 

Been getting myself in the proper mind set for the next round with My Mentor, as well as excited by the chance I get to spend some time very soon with WorshiptheMaster. Its been awhile. Then this weekend is my groups (MAK) Shindig and oh so looking forward to it, although I will not be playing myself. Perhaps the next time. Heck right now I am also looking forward to spending time even with My sub's............smiles and waggles her tail with anticipation. Al-tho If I get to play I also seek another female whom wants to play with the Master > )             =^.^=              jusy have not found her yet........................................

 I am having one of those days when i just don't know what to think. Its something I have to work out with my Kids and hope I can get through it. Next round with My mentor is not far off and perhaps the working on Protocol will knock me back on the path. Right now I just do not want to think any more about the pain. I just want to find me again and get to shake me and remind myself I AM WORTH IT and THAT I COUNT. I am at WAR with Myself. Not over KINK........or those that I have come to love or the friends I have made............nope Thats not it that did it. I need to get out that inner strength that saw me through Bad times once more and done it like a cloak, until I can actually feel that way once again. In some ways I just want to turn over the keys for just a little bit and let myself go. I need to go once more into the healing space I find every time I go into sub space. I am free'd of what has hurt me for a short time, and if I am caring hurt of others I let it all slide away. Franky I need some one to care about Me. Master ( WTM ) does, and I know its tearing Him up to see me this broken and bruised and shattered. Then there is the Dominate in Me raging at me and screaming get up you fool and stop crying..... you have gone through Much worse than this.......and seen and done bad shit ( LOL..........not illegal but worked as a animal search and rescue in the past in the California October firestorms started by arsine in the field along with AC and the fire department and saw and smelled some stuff that I hope i never do again). I know I have to be a big person too, but I also just want to crawl up and hide for a little while and lick my wounds. There are times when When Someone does things that need to be done with out being asked to that Makes the day and take a little stress off. Its the little things that count. Its part of what makes a relationship grow. Yes There is One person and only one person I bow to and perhaps if I chose to bottom then I do it because i know I let go of things I need to shed through the tears and the healing balm of sub space. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WILL DO THAT WITH JUST ANYONE- THAT IS HARD FOR ME TO DO. MASTER IS THE ONLY ONE I TRUST SO MUCH THAT I HAVE NO FEAR AND CAN LET GO. YES I AM A DOMINATE A BIG PART OF THE TIME. YES I HAVE THINGS THAT ARE PUSHING ME RIGHT NOW. I need to work though some things and need to release what stresses me- but also need to know that those I trust that are Under Me know I care. That I know that their coming to me............was their gift in choosing Me. But ONCE THE NEGOTIATION ENDS AND THE TIME AFTER THE FINAL COLLAR IS GIVEN THAT IS WHERE WE MOVE TO THE NEXT PHASE. AND ID DO NO TAKE THAT LIGHTLY. I expect before that time for you to show Me both the vanilla and the Kink as well as to get to know Me as a person. I share with you my day to day to help you get to know me personally  Take head...........if Its all KINK all the time I am going to not take You seriously. This is our time t air stuff out to see if we are comfortable with each other  and I hate wasting MY time. I AM NOT AN ONLINE MISTRESS/DOMME. IF I WAS GOING TO ONLY BE THAT WAY I WOULD HAVE BEEN A FINDOMME. Yes I expect My Boi's to be Gentlemen/ with a bad boy streak in them and know exactly How they had better treat a Lady. Because If you don't well I do not have time for you. I AM REAL TIME......AND WHEN I PLAY ITS VERY SERIOUS.....WHEN I LOVE I GIVE ALL OF ME, AND NOT JUST A PART OF ME. I DON'T KNOW HOW NOT TO. I AM HERE TO LEARN AND GROW. AND YES FIND A GUY OR A GAL THAT WANTS A POLY HOME WHERE WE CAN ALL GROW AND CONTINUE TO DISCOVER OURSELFS. NO I AM NOT BI- BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I CAN'T DOMINATE A FEMALE........HELL I WILL TAG TEAM WITH WORSHIPTHEMASTER.........WICKED GRIN............AS WELL AS I KNOW HE WILL DO WITH ME...........

well teck it all went down smooth until much later when one got into a hiss y fit over a girl, but that one got settled- although I did not get much sleep. But the worse was when my cell phone was text message bombed to death. And I had just gotten it as my Christmas present from my Dad. Still having issues getting in and out of the forums right now. ............................................................................................................................. Looking forward to starting with my Mentor again in Protocol and moving forward again. Plus at the same time I just might get to see Master prior to it or just after. Then right behind that is the MAK Shindig, and that is going to be fun. Although I will stil be sore from Wensday. So will get to play alot that first week of May...........sigh. Then that will half to do until Master( WTM) and I have more time when everything lines up and he has time off. I am hoping he can get more time off for my birthday. But then also the summer will be fun as well. Still Hunting for a female Pain Slut who needs and seeks to be of service to a poly house hold.   

LOL My boys Rave went down with almost No Hitch. They kept the ones that brought alcohol to the last one out as they wanted to really concentration on the Music and throwing paint filled balloons at each other. The only flaw was when One teen went to leave He did not notice the tree stump and the ditch on the other side and well backed up and got His car stuck. Unfortunalty It could not be pulled off and they had to call a tow truck this morning to get His car.............but all in all it was a fair night.....for a teen rave. ............................................................................................................................ My other problem seems I am having issues with interacting or getting into the forums here on CM. This is one of the areas I love to go, and interact with others here. ............ There is still a lot to do with the dungeon and it has now slowed down a bit in getting to the next part for now. It's at the phase of digging down the floor and prepping for a drain for easy clean up. Then I will call in and have the floor pored all at one time. Then I get to work on the ceiling a bit and put up the black lighting in the key spots before I put up and in the 2 spots for suspension play for a few friends of mine that are riggers and for Master(WTM). Not to mention the spot for the cross of David to go and have its spot for elevation if I chose to suspend it. Both the ST Mary's cross and the cross of David sit in another work site all built but ready for painting and burnt on art work. Already have the glow in the dark white paint sitting ready to go on them after all the designs are on them. The next 2 projects are the stocks and Bonds and the inpailer as both will be a quick progect before I build the Pony and then the on all 4's CBT/ and other lock up that can handle a fuck stick or the other toys Master and I have in mind. ..........................................................................................................................................However there is so much to do and prepair for both mentally as well as physically in getting everything going and in dealing with the space and time between me and Master......but there has been so much that has been great between Us. The bond is if nothing getting stronger but that is the way it should be. I enjoy being in the RT alot and hanging with my Kinky friends, but its hard to believe that now its gotten to the point that its so hard to stop and chose where you want to go, because now there are events every weekend.........that you can now get to the point of over load, or run up ine heck of a gas bill...........not complaining at all .....but to me I see that more and more of Us are coming out and having fun. .........kink is getting more except-able in some peoples minds. 

Been a good day, a tho No one to play with right now. Kids out tonight so sitting back and listening to hard core metal- tranic- dub step- and what ever takes my mood right now.........sipping on Zombie's. For right now its a night to chill out and kick some ass in just a little bit on Xbox Live. Summer is looking very promising so far. But tiring to think about what I want to do to celebrate my Birthday. I love my kids, but I want More..............who's game? Or perhaps I will have an idea after Our groups Shindig the first Friday in May? or perhaps a trip to Birmingham for a TRC Munch and event? There are times when being long distance has its distinctly disadvantage right now when I need interaction both as a Top and to bottom to My Master (WTM). I had been given leeway  but with my picky-ness its hard to bottom to others to go further right now. For Me there is so much more I want to do and Master wants to take me there, and in turn  I feel that my Dominate Side grows stronger and more confident in knowing My love is what He needs, plus I happy to give him the same leeway that happens within a Poly household. The needs of everyone needs to be meet at the end of the day, altho it may not be everything we want- but it will be what we need. There will be times when just chilling and playing video games ( yes vanilla geek stuff ) is what we all want that day, as well as sharing over a meal the day to keep everyone in the loop, and everyone communicating together every day. Then there will be days of fun and games when its appropriate , and Both Me and Master feel like we can play hard and take them there and past......Then there might be just days we want to do set up photos...............or work on toys and jewelry for our design as things move towards getting it off the ground. I am back and Making Gothic/Victorian and yes modern Steam Punk Jewlrey again. Dark Gothic Kitty Designs Is Back.................

It been just one of those days that I want to throw the covers over my head and cry. Boys had a party and it got out of hand, but I was already feeling off before it got going. I did not eat a think as I just could not get myself to eat. However that not saying my Boys did not handle it- quite contrary- when One drunk teen came in and made a stir and then broke my moms carnival vase that set me into tears right in front of them, my boys got pissed off and threw Him out and then ran every one off. They tried to comfort me but that is not the comfort I need. sigh............Master's "WTM" or perhaps my subs would have been what I needed. Frankly I needed to have someone take control and just let me let go of the rains here for a little while. I have been for far to long burning both ends of the candle and now I am just emotionally and physically exhausted. My little needs me to retreat a little while and just let go of emotions i have been holding in. Its not emotions caused by Master "WTM" or even my sub's..............its the strain of getting over being hurt and on top of that dealing with other stressors that come with dealing with the day to day stuff. I was one that never liked handling that- and was so happy when it was in my Dominates hands, and that left me free to deal with other stuff. Its kind of hard to deal with it when ones on their own, and working with long distance relationships for the short term for now. I have there for turned to the one outlet that usually helps me, and that is writting to help me let it out and then let it go. Put I look forward to the time when we are all together........sigh. Al-tho I love my kids, they can not help with this. because I get nervous and yes scared when threatened with things I do not understand. i worry myself sick over those I love. i tend to let the Kids push me too much, as I have an issue saying NO to them. i tend to run things around in my head way to much and over think it til it makes me sick. there are times i just need to let go so i can let my batteries recharge so i can handle lifes stressful moments. And right now that is exactly what i need. I need a break. I just want to hand someone the keys............and say............no..not it...not me please. I jsut want the sweet peace of serving with out worrying for now.....I need to recharge my batteries. LOL and fast before i do the next level of protocol..............altho the funny part is after the first time. I was energized and bouncy. sigh..............rest is what I need. Time to let others serve Me and pamper me for a little while and make me feel special. 

Came close to finding a female that is looking to join a Poly House, but she would have been a little younger then what i had hoped for but would have had no issues with with it as long as she had no age issues Herself. I sent her a message, but I have not heard from Her...........Oh well. Still seeking for her, she does not have to be 24/7 if Thats an issue. But be prepared to explore and have you're limits tweaked. Just don't want to deal with those that are not serious. Not into games. Will say you will be joining a Dom/Switch-Domme Household along with my sub dog. Hoping to find a pain slut please to ease a Sadists needs . My Dog is not a sadist, and he is also a switch : He's a sensual Daddy Dom type. ..........................................enough on this...................... I will soon be back working with my Mentor and I can't wait to move forward once again. Plus knowing His preliviquities O am going to be pushing once again past pain barriers I thought i would never cross this soon. But when One desires to please their Master ( like I wish to to for Worshipthemaster) they will find them self's learning more about themselves and what they can endure and still burst into flames needing to be either completed or into a puddle of gue needing to be held and allowed to come back from sub space. Thats how much trust I have in them to keep me safe. 

Now that its warmed up a bit yesterday Me and the boys got started cleaning out the building and we should have it finished tommorow. Seems like I have not heard from good friends in awhile and that is a shame. I find myself missing my older friends I use to talk to. Been tiring to get well started to make up for not working on the building in the cold. So Much is about to begin changing around here and i can't wait. Plus I look forward to seeing what Master "WTM" comes up with next for me to experience next as he is eager for me to push froward on Protocol work with my Mentor.  

The cyroprator- introduced me in his office to the 10's Unit- and oh boy that Has set Me up for the Next journey of discovery. He had it at the weakest setting and at first I felt a sharp pain and then after that the other pain that had been hurting Me to the point that even pain Med's was not really helping to stop the spasums. Shit 2 treatments and thank you- now I am back to lite exercise and no pain- may be some stiffness when i get up but that drops out during the day. Any way getting back to where this is going. I told my Master " WTM" about it and this had been an area We had plan on exploring- and now its going to be very shortly My next big challenge as he Wants My Mentor Sir Stephon to push me with the one in the full electric play. Plus to find where my limit range is within this type of play- can you say Ouch.............LOL. He's got his eye on Me...........earning my first feather ( Sensation) as My Master is also Leather.......and like a good girl I intend to do my best to do achieve his goal for me. Plus it sets Controls on Me as well when I use Electro play on one of My Subs. Both Master and I are on the same page as We feel that experiencing everything We do to our Subs and Slaves  helps us be better as Dominates when We both play and hope that that comforts and builds the trust in Us with those that seek to Be owned by Us. So beside my working on Unique and other types of floggers under ( Gothic kitty Creations) and waiting on My dress I ordered for a photo Shoot and with it my Uritha sounder Kit of My very Own. I will also be waiting on a Package from My Master..........  And that one has Me squirming already as I already know that what I experienced at the doctors is going to be tame compared to what comes Next for me.

Having One of those down times where the 2 sides of me are at an impasse because neither side seems to be willing to help me break this mood that has overtaken Me. I break in tears for no reason at. I wish perhaps My Master could take me in hand and help Me reclaim a part of me Thats in hiding right now. I have not forgotten who I am or where i have come from, or where I am at on this journey. What I need at times is a Sister of the Soul and that is something I truly miss. I had one Once who was my best friend whom i shared allot of things with as well as somethings that are a matter of the Heart. God this is something I real need. I seek the peace that sooth my soul and build upon each one of Us. In my quest for the female half that is a pain pig ( or as I liken a pain slut) that can sooth some needs for me and Master as well as my Dog. I hope to release apart of me that i have put away. I guess even Masters hand would ease my mood. Or i just don't know if I can break this mood. I need to find whats missing and fix it. I can release at  times my Domme side............but Thats not what is wrong.............I could submit easily but only to One or to my Mentor, that not it. Just can't put my finger on what has me crying the blues. 

What my inner heart tells me is that i know what i seek will come to pass, and that with Master and Me we will finally get to the goal. And Yes I know it takes time- but there is time- when I honesty feel impatient. I look at things and realize I need to pull a few elements together and seek those like minded ones that also seek and hunger the way I do. I would enjoy the company of other females as well. Would I feel jealousy over sharing those in my life? No not really the way some might think. But the thought of having someone to share and talk to actually is pleasant to me.  I can easily dominate another female because its not all about the sex to Me when I am a Mistress to another woman. When it comes to another female for Me its the high of mental domination as well I see them as a sister. I do play well with others: LOL within my safety zone= but out of that comfort zone: I don't play very well. I had never put down my thoughts about working with a female because I though that some would scream The Lesbian word- but nop I am not as my sexual appetite is strictly all Male. But that does not mean i don't like the company of other women. I do not fear the thought of My guy Playing with other sets of breasts or forcing another female to an orgasmic state, or my subs even fucking them and enjoying or perhaps falling in love with them. I can actually welcome their kinky mates or even if they have a vanilla mate that excepts Me or Master being there then Thats OK.  Just want everyone in the Household on the same page and cheaters and liers to understand that That can not go. But for me to pass certain barriers and then take someone there that is in a sexual manor with me...............it will always be Male whether they be Switch, sub , slave, or even another Dominate Male that wants to Work with the Master, because We will be eventually running a full and functional Dungeon. LOL but for that One...........He does not face Me..........nah......He faces the Master and then they will have to talk and see if they are compatible ( and I do not mean sexually) and if they have the ability to work in tandem: and can Handle even Me -LOL- as when I do not submit I am going to admit right now Is one Mean Nasty Tiger who is a Mistress in Her own right. Its just that I learned along time ago for me to feel Balanced and strong I love both sides of the kneel and the education it gave me that has helped me grow as a person. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT- THEN I AM SORRY= I DO NOT HAVE A PREJUDICE AGAINST SWITCHES AND NEITHER DOES MY MASTER.

Been working up to doing my first real pay session that is a tad more then just flogging, and now i have to work with my slaves to see how best to create the effect i intent to go for. I will admit tho, I intent to tape that session because its going to be very intense  and hot and will draw my audience in both with sympathy for my slave, abut at the same time excite them. When we begin to Play trust me every one is doing to be there in that room with Us. Quiet and respectful and following proper protocol for a full on scene. I intent to let them know my rules before I begin. As Once I start- my mind and all my scenes will be locked into it that way I can take Him or them to sub space within the play and Remain in full control. 

I find that time has been standing still right now and with everything going on in my life right now- i find that I am having the best time of my life. Lately I have felt more alive than I have ever been in the past 4 years. Do I regret the 4 years i stepped away from things?yes and No. Yes in the fact that I withdrew from my family while i dealt with my feelings, and No because i was able to let go of the past with out regrets for the person I lost due to death, so that i was ready to take on a new relationship. I meet a few dominates along the way that helped edge me on and push me into becoming active in the BDSM community. And One of them made me realize I was already poly- but  could not go there with someone that was cheating on His wife looking for someone on the side. I am With My Master and we keep everything between us out in the open. I do not lie or hide anything from Him and He trusts me as He knows Hew is My Number One- my Alpha. Same as I trust him so completely and know he hides nothing from me, and that yes i am his Omega his submissive and perhaps more. Our relationship may be on hold just a bit due to work right now- but that does not change Our relationship at all. Even when I talk to other Subs or slaves that contact Me negotiating time with Me in sessions or a one time only scene it still has no effect on our relationship. Yes I am a Switch- I am His submissive- and to others I am a Mistress from Hell- LOL. I am definaly having  a good time with my friends- but still seeking a couple of slave type or perhaps a Male Switch and a Slave female ( Masochist please)that wishes to serve Both Of Us- and be the bottom to my Switch Dog????????????

Got the one design double tail flogger down pact now and i love how they are turning out, even tho the handle between is a single braid with flails on both sides. I make them out of both para-cord, or para-cord and plastic and also will be making them out of leather and suede and then also a combination of both. I can't wait to put a picture later of them on my page. Also working on handled floggers with same flails to match the others. I am loving experimenting and making New toys. And I look forward to trying them out. Beside when everything is cleared up here after last Monday i can finally get back to working on clearing out the building to begin the Dungeon contraction at last.  Summer this year will be awesome ...................Now just need my own play mates..........................any volunteers????????

Yesterday So much happened I am just getting over it. The mini forest right beside my house shows the evidence of just how lucky i was not to lose my home and my 2 boys to the the tornado that went over my house but thank god did not drop on it but hit and bounced in the woods and then continued on. Today we finally got power on, but I am still shaken by it. When Master gets back may need him to push me- or - perhaps my Mentor to help me break the little from its night terror that makes me cringe and cry. i need to be who i was before yesterday- i want back Me- I need Me back. I don't need my little taking over at the wrong times and making me screw up. I need my mental peace back, and i need to find my center again. right now i feel like a little lost child and my emotions are out of control. I need my Master to take control away- and set me back on my path.

Finally got started on the clean out of the building that will become My Mini Dungeon for Master and Me to Play In, but did not get to far tho today. However the trash can is now full. Plus I made a New cane out of a broken fishing pole tho. Now W/we have a grey cane with purple and black striped handled and accented one at that ( One has to love the Many Lovely colors that Duck Tape Comes In tho). The weather is just too Nice to put it off till I get Help. But then It also takes my mind of what I have been going through with My Mentor until we Start again, and the time between Masters ability to spend time with Me. However right now the talks between Me an One potenchal sub are on hold because of Illness right now, and hope he gets well soon. However the hunt is on for a female who might wish to join Us When we pull things together that can serve Both Of Us, and also Hopefully My Sub, as I prefer a Switch Male for Me- but I would also not turn down any straight sub slave males either, or even another Switch Female just so long as She Has a high pain tolerance or as we say is a pain slut. I kind of find that when one grows they learn more about them self's and where they can go. Just because I am straight does not effect the fact I can Dominate a female as I got a chance just a day ago to see how it would be when talking  female that was curious through Sensation Play with whips and clamps- but then stopped at that point, and She found that she enjoyed it- but how ever her temperament and personality would never suite our Needs- for She has  No Interest in Poly at this time yet in her life, and that is fine- because as Her Mentor for Now- it is not Up to Me To Make decisions for her but to Help Her make Her own, as well as set Her soft and Hard Limits while She discovers herself. 

W/we all need to realize that there are needs and wants that will be meet, but it might not be exactly the way the bottom may wish it to go- because I took them a different way to make sure they realize THEY are not the ONES THAT CALL THE SHOTS- I DO. It does not matter if I am Dominating a female in a Non Sexual way- but to give Her the empowerment to  know just how far She can push Her pain limit- or to help guide Her to understanding that Hard Limits are important and exploring just where they need to Be Set= It goes the same way when i work with a guy- I can take it all the way and drop them into sub space and Be there when they come out Smiling with Satisfaction that I took them where they want to go. .................................I am NOT Bi....because I can dominate a female...I am very much straight- I just get a head rush from messing with their mind and helping them become more......If that is what they seek.......I am here.........sexual topping would come from My Master ONLY IF HE chooses to go there ( and yes I am comfortable with Him enough to know He loves Me ) or My Dog Sub ( who is a Switch )  who knows He will be considered Beta and is allowed to top if I give consent. All others will depend on what relationship W/we have agreed apron when we began talking and getting to know each other. Communication IS a MUST and IS DEMANDED BY ME AND MASTER ON ALL IMPORTANT ISSUES- BECAUSE WE CAN HELP YOU IF YOU HIDE- OR LIE TO US- EVEN IF ITS THE LITTLE THINGS. TRUST is the next big issue- don't expect the play to begin right at the beginning- not going to happen until W/we get to know you- this is for you're safety- and YES OURS. YES W/we do seek a female pain slut- that wishes to satisfy a Sadists needs ( Both MASTER AND ME)- BUT I believe I may have found already a Male that is that already and W/we are pretty far in negotiations. He's the one I call my Dog. ANY ONE ELSE THAT SEEKS TO JOIN US- THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT WE WILL RESPECT YOU AND TREASURE YOU'RE GIFTS YOU BRING INTO THIS. MALE OR FEMALE..................EVEN NEWBIES THAT RE SEEKING A MENTOR TO GUIDE AND KEEP THEM SAFE WHILE THEY EXPLORE.......AND GROW..........UNTIL THEY FIND THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP THEY SEEK.   

I am ready to once again move forward with the Protocol that Has Started with me and My mentor. I realized that I could go so far with out topping. But also that my mind can also be my own worst enemy. All he had to do is add a mental picture into my brain of my nipples in clamps and my breast bound tight against me with an ace bandage before I face once again the whips but this time to my entire backside. Knowing that a Mentor may not step over the barrier's that's separate certain acts between Him and me in my mind He used My own sub against me, while i was locked in darkness of a hood so that i could not see what comes next. When One has a sub that is a Switch............that can be rather oh so not fair............or if My Master is there as well watching and directing my sub, before He takes over. That dream had me looked in a tag team of all sensations, pain- and lust- and want for my Masters release and Him being the one that allowed me to be released  and to blissfully float in the sweet heaven of sub space while my body does what it does so well. But I know that it was just a dream, but shit my mind is now against me and reminds me still that even tho I am a Switch.............. I will always go into complete submission to my Master, and will for ever obey His wishes- even in my dreams. But I also know I can rise from those humbling moments and also take my sub there as well, if needed and wanted when I am ready to give my all to those I love.

I got my brain back on its mental Hamsters wheel and and once AGAIN I can pull apart and analyze things to help me learn from what I have gone through. I realize that I can actually experience both sub drop and Dominate High at the same time, and I know I am not alone with this. Not a Switches go through this, but it might Be one reason why Some Dominates do not want to deal with a Switch. Ok - I can understand that- especially if its with a very non communicative Switch, as they can not explaine what is going on- or perhaps they don't even recognize it when it hits them when they had a stimuli overload form a very intense scenes going on all around them at dungeon or big play party's where the play is not spaced. It may not happen then and may hit later on or even a month from the event that lead up to it triggering. For Me I am so very glad that when I go into any relationship I expect both and all to be very communicative- and thus very intelligent and able to recognize and help analyze emotions within a dynamic for everyone's benift. So thank you Master for being my love and sounding board and my emotional support when I need it- and I expect even my sub to be able to cope and help Me process and support Me when I need it as well as I support them when they go through the same thing.           Still how ever looking for a female Masochistic pain slut that is seeking to join a developing poly household where she knows her needs will be handled by all and that my sub which is a switch is allowed to also have a relationship with her and if it develops in to more- then that is fine by Us. So No we are not looking for the rare Unicorn but a want find a way to balance every ones needs evenly so that all are content. if you need to understand............just email me and we can talk, and i will explaine more........or later in another journal entry what my thoughts are on this.

Got back from my first Major Event and i had rather an interesting situation that Hit me. Since altho I am a Sadist I am also one who is one who shows empathy  with those i work with, and well i had right at the end all tho it was not me being the bottom or the top a combination of both Sub space and Dominate High Hit me all at once. It was such a extreme rush of emotions that i went from One extreme to the other . I went from wanting to cuddle up in a fuzzy blanket and being the one cuddled and comforted- to the feeling of an extreme adrenaline High  and i lost complete focus after the the event that Hit me when I go to where I was staying overnight Saturday. I came out of it slightly but was fuzzy and unsure what it was before we came home and slipped in and out of it on the drive back home as i was a passenger ( thank god) , but it came back again and I was so wiped out emotionally again, I curled up and fell asleep again at my Dads place. Still suffering from the effect, and i told My Master about it as It effected my ability to communicate as i did not realize that i was having that bad an issue until later when i tried to focus on the fact that i had failed My Master in not communicating i was Safe, as I made Him worry extremely bad about me. I realize this will have to be something Him and i will have to work On so He will recognize when this happens ( IF ) this pops Up again to Help ease me through it, beside the fact that if i am alone.......I expect My sub to watch for this as well. So that i can learn to work though this. But i can say it was One hell of a feeling but It leaves me totally exhausted and an extreme need for rest and when it hits i need absolutely No stimuli at all to help me recover- but for someone to make sure i am ok- and any needs i need be handled and to keep others from tiring to get me to do stuff that would heighten the effect till i come back out of all the effects. Plus I would not mind if it does happen again.

OK trying to to be submissive switch right now ...........more bent to the sub side rather then my Domme side.....just to get through Protocol. My Master would be very pissed at Me if I blow that as W/we had to wait until March for Me to Start. He would have been with Me, but work will keep Him away during it, So I know I am going to be one puddle of gue when W/we get done, and then I will have to pull myself together and Go on With what must be done. But I look forward to evancing my knowledge even More so that My service to my Master will never shame Him.  

Now for Me. With learning and building floggers that has become something New and I have had to agree with my friends that now I look at quite a few things in a way different way when ever I go shopping and I have to smile- I see something and bam it hits me: I can use that in a kink way. So now when I go shopping I get excited about either finding something new I can use or getting new ideas of how I want to work on the mini dungeon. I know I have a long ways to go- as a Switch- in my inner growth and as well as my experiences, but heck is that not the way it is? New people bring into the mix new things - they bring in their own unique perspectives and can change up the dynamics's mentally as well as physically by just what it take to help them push their boundary's or help them be comfortable to explore new areas they thought they would be curious about but have never tried. I am looking forward to the same thing with My Mentor helping Me push my boundary's so that when I am with My Master He knows that I have a understanding and willingness to continue to try new things, and when working through the experiences I need to deal with to serve a Master to the best I can give with out  Making Him disgraced by Me. I know that there are a lot of little details to High Protocol and a Mentor can only get Things Started but then it takes Working with My Master to tweak things the way that He wishes them based on His Old Guard Style and Me as my normal style will be one of change and exceptance, because some one with a cats nature has a huge independence streak and   and stuborness to change, but at the same time they are willing to adapt and change up things to make things run more peacefully.

Well with us going now to bi weekly Munches- now I will be working on my project now and I am glad its being to get closer to spring. Right Now I have at lest 3 flogger projects layed out and I am working on to add to both Mine and My Masters collect of toys to play with our subs. Now just have to find the right ones. But that takes time to find the right person for each of Us. Still looking both the right Guy and the right Female or even a couple that are interested in joining US. For a time it will be Me and them working together- and occasionally also with My Master when He has time off until He retires from his job and then everything will be even more 24/7 for every one. 

Its just one week away before I go to My first Event, and planning on what i will take. I am taking my collar and wrist cuffs for a guy who will be making my ankle cuffs to match the set, and that will be great. Master is looking forward to the set being finished. I decided to wear all red for this event. with blk fish net stockings. And carry both my red and black hills with me. Then after this event i start working with My Mentor. So my schedule will be rather busy for March and that's not including in the time I am with My Master or If by that time I am working with any subs myself.  But We did have another great Much although some of our friends were busy and away and I did get to relax a little bit and just chill with them. I have seen the changes in the growth of my local Link group and how we have actually become a better and more caring group. I now have to agree that being a part of you're local BDSM community is one of the best way to help a person on their journey- you might find the right person within the group- or- they will be there to support and nurture you till you do find the right one. Plus if you are new and inexperienced its a good way to learn and pick brains of other Kinky people.

Looking back at a lot of things can either be a good thing or a bad thing. It just depends on you. I always chose for it to be a good thing, because I learn from things I may have done wrong, or I think now , what if I added this, this and this to the scene, I wonder what reaction it would cause hum................. lets write this down before I forget,,,,,,,,,, and try it Next Time and see the results. 

Getting closer to Going to My first Event and i so can't wait. The nice part is I will be with all my friends the whole time, and get to share this with them. In the group I am apart of locally we have all become like one big extended family. Was thinking about what I want to wear to the even. At first I thought about going in a corset and tight pants- but then after a friend of mines comment that He wanted to see the red dress I wear in my picture- it made me think ...................................................Bingo.                    I love that Susan of Hollywood dress and it is tight in all the right places. Then with my low patient red leather heels and then black fish net stockings- it should be a knock out. The only thing I wish is that could go with me March 2nd. but enough of this. ................................................................................................................................... Something that I wrote about how my nickname fit me made me thing of how well adept the kitty part of my name really is. It was given to Me as a pet name so long ago when I was a teen by my very first Mentor and it kinda stuck. What surprised me is the fact that my previous Dominate also called me kitty. So I kept it, and then looked at myself and saw that I have a habit of being as playful as a kitten and so eagar to please, but like a cat I can be a loner if i need to, but also the fact that if you watch a common house cat and the way they treat us they are also a Brat. I also have the other side that likes to be a TOP as well and that tends to connect with the big wild cats. You do not mess with them or they will rip you a new one. Then if you take into account my Chinese Zodiac it is the Tiger. I have also had a native american tell me once I had 2 guides the Cougar and  a wolf, so I have a dual nature. I have a strong loyalty that is hard to break once i give myself completely ( either as a submissive to My Master- or as a TOP as I work with my subs that have earned that privileged of being collared by Me.). 

Well Still working on my self as whole is one of the goals any one working With A Master should ever strive to continue and never stop discovering even more about yourself  because then you can not give them the best you have to give them in service 100 percent. Very Shortly I begin to work RT with My Mentor to make the last steps towards High Protocol and is the beginning of being all I can be for the one I serve.                                                                                                                                   Now on another note ..............my previous sub, due to health issues has had to drop out of service, so once again I am with out a sub. I wish Him well and I do not hold anything aginst Him for making that desssion, in fact I encourage it. to be able sto serve either a Dom or a Domme- one must be in good health as some of the things we do will stress the body and mind and on needs to be fix ( that has nothing to do with weight guys/gals) to be able to handle it and that also includes any mental issues. With Him and I if He ever chooses to come back- He would be welcomed openly later on. Now that being said - if you do contact Me I will send you to talk to the Master and then to Me if It will be that you desire to serve us ( Male preferred by Me- female Preferred by Him= or a sub/sub couple - or even switches are ok).

Was talking to a Young Dom that I am mentoring right now ( ironic- Me mentoring a 24 yr old) and He hit the wall then the one girl that would have be a possible submissive to him chose someone more closer to Him. Well He is feeling very down and thought that maybe He should give up for now, and it made me realize that not all the young ones have patients. I got Him active in our local Munch and he had a good time and learned some new things there as well. If it had gone further I would have asked one of the mature guys to Be his Male Mentor and Help Him learn the ropes by shadowing them and observing and being to ask questions that He would not ask me, as He could not learn some things from Me ( well maybe impact play ) as I do a lot of CBT- and He is straight-LOL. Well this got me to thinking about all the Young Dom's and subs and one of the thongs they need to learn is that it takes time to find the right person- if you settle for less then you are setting you're self up to fail. Take time and learn you're craft first. Go to the local Munch s and Events and pay attention to the Demos and those that are playing - and Never be afraid to ask questions- after the play or demo's are over to get more answers and help. We wil not bite and we love to share our knowledge with Newbies to the lifestyle. Be prepaired that you might not get you're submissive or slave right away, but you can make good friends and grow personally until that time when the right one comes you're way and its time to shine and strut you're stuff.

Today has been one day i am glad is said and done. I hated getting the taxed done, but wanted to get them done so that my twins can apply for their fasa's for college. Not everything you will do in service will be something you like, so get over the fact that its not about you. Service is something We do for the person you Serve and call you're Master or Mistress, but those that serve willingly and cheerfully tend to make their Dominates much more happier- then the other as We don't want to have to sit on you ever minute of the day ( OK, I know there are some that love this). When I serve my Master I do it out of love for Him, and in doing so I fill a sense of rightness, and the filling of being completely at ease. Its one of the many gifts I give to my Master. 

Been dreaming of the day that all comes together and Things get really kicked off and into high gear. But first i am taking time to get to know the Only One I will ever submit to and to build the bonds that strengthen you trust and communication with each other. Right now we are dealing with distance but W/we are both comfortable and trust one another, and that is one of the biggest issues that can mess up a relationship ( vanilla or Kink ) if there is a lack of trust.  One of the best ways is to talk and talk and talk to each other as much as you can about every thing that evolves  emotions and each other's daily lifes. With Sir and Me its a nessesity as We work towards pulling what was 2 separate houses together as We work towards us going into a 24/7 relationship where I will wear WorshiptheMasters collar with pride, and He will watch Me as I move forward and When I am In My Domme Mode. For I believe that sharing each and every moment of ones life with the ones we love is so very important. Wither its our Kids or Our extended family. Its part Of how we share and grow and become closer to each other. Its the little things We do both vanilla and Kink that show each partner that We care and are thinking about them. It even shows how we care for them after we push their boundary's when we take all the time in the world to be there and cuddle them and comfort them after a scene or if they have been Sick. Its all those little things that make a relationship grow whether its a monogamous or Poly Household. 

Today is a New and Better day for Me altho I have not talked to my Master today. On I was Hit with a very New Person seeking a Mistress who was 19. I thought about how I should answer Him and then I sent a replay. It Kinda made me feel the Need to post a way to aprocah a Mistress or Domme on my Writing on ( yep I am also on there under the same Name as on Here.). It made me stop and think a bit tho- could I be willing to work with someone so young and so Green? Well its yes and No answer for Me. And I thought a shorter one Should Be Here (  My Side of the coin) for those that are younger that might send Me a message. First off, Sinding me straight off the bat a Dick picture is not going to get any REPLY from ME AT ALL- I DID NOT ASK YOU FOR THAT- IF I WANT THAT KINDA PICTURE I WILL ASK FOR IT. FOR SOME ONE 19- 25 I AM WILLING TO MENTOR AND SHOW YOU THE LIFESTYLE- IN A NON SEXUAL MANOR THAT IS SAFE SANE AND CONSENSUAL- YOU WILL BE LEARNING TO SET THOSE HARD LIMITS ( I EXPECT YOU TO HAVE SET A FEW BEFORE HAND AND TO HAVE DONE SOME RESEARCH INTO BDSM-S/M-D/S-OR M/S).  I AM INTO REAL TIME- AND MY TIME IS PRECIOUS TO ME AND I EXPECT YOU TO BE WILLING TO SERVE IN SERVICE. YOU WILL ALSO HAVE TO TALK WITH MY MASTER AND THEN GET HIS APPROVAL ALSO TO WORK WITH ME AS NOTING IS HIDDEN AND EVERYTHING IS SHARED BETWEEN HIM AND ME- AS THAT IS HIS DUE AND I RESPEPECT AND LOVE MY MASTER- AND WILL ALWAYS CONTINUE TO BE HIS PRIDE AND JOY. BOTH OF US DO HAVE POLY IN US- AND I HAVE COME TO UNDERSTAND AND EXCEPT IT OPENLY IN ME AS WELL. NOW FOR THOSE THAT ARE 26- AND OLDER- I CAN GO SEXUAL IF NEEDED TO BUT STILL THAT DEPENDS ON MY SIR. FOR FEMALES THAT MAY SEE THIS AND CONTACT ME- MY MASTER PREFERS 40 AND OLDER AND IF YOU ARE A PAIN PUPPY- THEN THAT IS FINE AS YOU WILL BE SERVING HIS NEEDS AND MAYBE MINE ONLY WHEN IT COMES TO FLOGGING- ONLY. SORRY JUST NOT BI- AT ALL.

I found myself on a sub High after the Master and I played together that lasted a good while, and just today the bottom fell out. Master is on a job and i took the time to analyze how I feel. Most subs/slaves feel this at one time or another or some feel it after a scene. It saps us of energy and it makes some very weepy and they don't know why. When they are with their Dominates they get the support they need and the comfort to help them bounce back to their cheerful self. Then there are those that don't get the support as they try to hide it from their Dominates and deny it even to themselves thinking it makes them weak. That is being dishonest and not fair to you're Dominates as you are hiding a part of you're self away from them and you promised them that you would never do that. Communication is the Biggest key that gets us through a lot of things and helps us grow both mentally as well as physically. Its even the tool that gets us through our period of time where it feels like all we need is a cuddle and to hear our Dominates tell us that they love us. They are not mind readers and can not see into our minds and hearts, Oh they can sense after a time when something is wrong and try to draw it out of us, but it is up to us too to communicate what we feel to them too. It goes both ways. Dominates also can go through a similar feeling when they feel that their Sub/slaves are pulling away and are hiding something from them, and they don't know why. They need the input to help balance and maintain the relationship, so that they know when they need to correct something or just hold and support they sub/slaves.  For me this is my way of coping is to put it into words- to explain what is going on inside of my head. Oh, I will put it in the journal that Master made me start as well. It is my way of moving on and processing my emotions and going ahead and bouncing back. So that when the Master gets Home I am once again His happy princess and eager to play and to cuddle up willingly at His feet if that is what is needed. For I will always be there to serve his needs and bow my head to the one I submit to.

Master and I have been taking about our future plans, and yes it does include Poly. W/we have been realizing that both of us will need this to enhance who we are as to shut off somethings that we are would be very wrong and would stop our growth. And this for me would be unthinkable and wrong. If W/we want to continue on and make us even stronger then even I had to admit I would have to embrace poly myself and after long inner thoughts and  digging deep down and staring at my inner self I would have to agree with WorshiptheMaster that in an essence I am Poly. What I seek and what He seeks will be meshed together and we'll develop together and grow together along this journey.            I am willing to work with younger men or newbies provided that they are mature and well are not 19. I have my preference for those not younger then 25- and well Military Guys well they go to the heard of the line. Their submission to me is their mind,and their body and their service to what ever labor they are put to. I do not seek to be an online Domme at all as the best relationships are those that we spend together interacting with each other in real time. I do not expect you to get the difference between Me and a Fin Dom right of the bat as many see any Dominate female in the Wrong lite. I expect you to be respectful of Me and Mindful that My time with you Will be for My Pleasure first and then I will See to it that you're needs are Meet. I am straight but I can Dominate and Show a Female somethings in a non-sexual manor ( Flogging etc), and I will leave the other parts of working with a female submissive/slave or pet to my other Half to deal with. Just anyone into the furries= please don't bother us please- not going to go there. I had once a sub but once he knew that there would be a potential later for public play maybe later on and He was withdrawn and not willing to interact with very outgoing Kinksers while I watched His interaction as well as I expected Him to use His brain and sit back and watch How I interact and get along with others to help Him get a handle on me at our first face to face ( and I made it for Him as a demand that it be at a Munch - as He said He was not a new sub) and after the night and He said that He's contact me and I saw in his eyes that He was Not since in His desire at all. IF YOU CONTACT ME YOU HAD BETTER BE REAL AND BETTER BE SERIOUS AND READY TO EXPERIENCE IT IN REAL TIME AFTER WE GET PAST THE PART OF GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER-OR DON'T CONTACT ME AT ALL. I WILL MAKE YOU SUBMIT-AND I WILL RESPECT YOU'RE HARD LIMITS.

Today was Not My Masters best way to start out the day- he had issues with His car before He got here, but Still He made it to see Me.  I knew by the smile He was happy to see Me, and same with me. W/we talked a little while and then W/we went back to my place so Master knew where I lived, so sometimes He could pick me up rather then Me driving. Master had been away for a week and that put stress on Him. Oh I kept Him feeling happy and a little relaxed just talking to Me while He was away. I even did a little foo-pah- yep I drooped protical with Master knowing that I would get punished. Well today I got what I knew was coming. Al tho I don't really like the fiber cane- I took my licks before He changed over to the flogger and the plastic flogger and the dragon tail- felt myself tiring to drift into sub space but held it back as long as i could before I drifted and let it take me away. I saw His smile and Heared His words that He loved Me and was proud of Me. LOL Worshipthemaster- I feel the same. I was edgy about the cane but excepted my due-and then you rubbed my back before you went on- with the rest of the flogging. The after care left me relaxed and content. I was happy I could serve my Master. The Master saw His Marks from the cane and at the time they were not noticeable to me then. Later When Master Left I had to peek- and yep the cane left welts on my ass and it was still a little red. The next 6 months shall be one heck of a journey between Him and me. I still fill that sweet blissful feeling that falls after play and still I am not yet in pain- but tomorrow I know I will be stiff and yes some pain. And the wash of exhaustion from the release is making me yawn. For so long i forgot the feeling- but not any more.                                                                                                    

Well once again i am looking seriously for a sub male that is either a Switch or a straight submissive male. One that seeks to look into the dark and erotic area of CBT. Younger is Ok by me if you understand and are mentally mature and seek a a play partner or for the right person maybe a clance at something More. I hope to find some one that likes events and is NOT afraid of eventually Public Play at an event. Guess when I mentioned that there might be later on a chance of doing a scene at my Groups (MAK) shindig later on after W/we had worked together and had become very comfortable with each other it was too Much for that Sub to process. Yes I am willing to Spend time with you, but at the same time it also has to be mutual. I like someone who loves to interact with people and not a wall flower in a group- please. I have become more active once again and hope you are too. I want to expand and explore all the devious and sadistic ideas that are popping in my Head. Master Has given me His approval- if you can handle pain- then that is good-But will also explore the sensual side as well. Be open and willing please and NO I do not believe in Financial Domination- But understand that When we are together my responsibility are to you're safety and you're aftercare and yes you're emotional state. I only expect you to be an equal partner in crime- LOL, and Treat Me as A Lady, and that does not mean extravagant shopping trips or Amazon gift cards- as i am not a FinDom and have no Intrest in that. I want to explore pleasures and noting more- well except for you're time and conversation and maybe hanging out and Being Friends as well. Many seem to think that every Female that is either a Domme or Switch is out to rip you off. Think again- you found one that is not like that, at all. I will not explore or do anything that will put anyone at risk of potenchal death- no one that wants live burial- please- or any thing doing with animal or kids at all - all this is off limits and is an extreme hard limit. Lets be friends and see where it goes........

Look: Right now this is the way things will Stand with any Sub/Slave from Now ON; READ THIS AND UNDERSTAND THIS; I DO NOT AND WILL NOT TOLERATE A LACK OF COMMUNICATION WITH ME ONCE WE MOVE PAST THE FACE TO FACE Initial meeting. I Do NOT DO CYBER DOMINATION: OR WEB CAM DOMINATION: I AM NOT A FINDOM EITHER.  Be per paired to be for real and expect Real Time time with me in the Real World. I will start talking to you on the internet to get to know a part of you're mind. If You do not have a photo of you're self on you're profile that is ok- but once we get into talking with each other I expect ALL Sub/Slaves to send a photo of them self's to Me ( NOT DICK PIC's). You had best be to communicate very well and use common sence. Starting out with you're Kinks is not the right way to approach Me. Talk to me in normal tones and tell me about you're self. MILITARY go to the head of the list. Newbies or Younger will be considered depending on the person and if they are mentally mature and have done their research and understand what they are getting into. When I order you to come to the Munch I attend regularly- please not it is so you can watch my interaction with my fellow Kinky friends so you can see how i am in real time- and at the same time I am observing you too to see how you also interact with people. Remember its NOT ALL ABOUT YOU- BUT ITDS ABOUT MY DESIRES AND IF WE ARE COMPATIBLE. What I ask from you is Honesty and complete openness with Me. IF MARRIED- WIFE MUST AGREE FOR YOU TO WORK WITH ME- AND I EXPECT TO MEET HER .My master is Old Guard and I will be Soon. I WILL RESPECT YOU'RE RIGHTS AND YOU'RE LIMITS - AND YOU SHOULD RESPECT MINE. rEAD MY JOURNAL AS IT WILL GIVE YOU INSITE IN WHERE I AM AT RIGHT NOW. I AM A MEMBER OF MAK AND TRC LOCAL KINK GROUPS. CONTACT ME IF YOU ONLY IF YOU ARE REAL AND WISH TO SUBMIT EITHER TO BECOME A BETTER DOMINATE- OR IF YOU REALLY WANT TO EXPLORE OR EXPAND YOU'RE SUBMISSIVE SIDE.

It seems like so much is going on and my Kinky and funny friends have been growing at a steady way and I have been loving it. The last Much was a riot and I needed it to help me get through stuff going on in my vanilla life. along with My Masters love.         After Last week's Munch I am wondering if my Sub is ok. Or If He has chosen to look else where thinking I did not care about him. At the Munch last week i wanted to let him observe me and the way I interact with my fellow Kinky perv's to help Him prior to us Doing any one- on one. Hum wonder if He mistook it as I was not intrested. Every One asked if He was Ok, and they noticed He was Shy. LOL. I was the same way when I went to my first Munch. I sat back and watched and observeed and it was one of the Worst Munche's we had and it was one before a Shindig that they went to Kuffs the next day. But I came back the Next one and They pulled Me in and that was it. Now I am one of they Kinky and funny crowd that's willing to crack a joke or catch us in the act ob video (LOL). I am a Member of MAK and TRC ( in Alabama). I have gone out and yes expanded. They have seen me in Dominate Mode but not yet when I am in submissive mode but soon they will if WorshiptheMaster has His way or perhaps If another Master desires He wants to tackle the issue ( provided He has an OK tho) LOL. Hum.............beginning to think now I need more Sub or Slave wanting to fill in the bill. I don't play those stupid games that will not lead to RT meet. I don't want to feed an On-line Wanker. But I am closer to willing to take on a newbie if that's what It takes or one that wants  to go through understanding what He is doing to His submissive.  I will be able to give you a chance to explore and expand and learn. AND I AM NOT A FIN DOM NOR WILL I EVER BE BUT YOU WILL LEARN THAT ONCE YOU DEAL WITH ME. I DO HAVE A SADIST STREAK IN ME AND CAN'T WAIT TO EXPAND ALL FORMS OF CBT. We will talk until after March and then W/we can start after i have Finished My Old Guard High Protical myself..........hum............One of the Masters loves playing with my Head and Has wished Me luck as I go through Mine to come through to the end.

It has been a long road to this point and well I am for one glad that I took the time and yes paused for a moment or I would have missed the chance that came My way When the Master did come. First we talked a little awhile back and then things got busy and crazy here for me and I thought He was not interested, but then He was patient and understood  I was so focused on the chaos that was swirling at Home between my Boys and dealing with the Last Teen I took in and then add on top of that the stuff that was going on at work that had me at times either so Mad that I wanted to whip the shit out of someone or close to tears and afraid at the same time that I was about to lose my job from My bosses riding me everyday. Going to our local Munches and making friends Helped me to cope with the stress I had. Then a Dominate that was a friend wanted to move things forward., and I was so close to doing it, then He came back and said lets talk. W/we spent the time talking even more in depth, and He was here when I broke at work and could not take anymore of their Shit, and quit. It was not doing me any good and it was wrecking my relationship with my Boys and my Home was going down Hill as i never had time to do anything any more but a stressful job and just sleep. I do not want to be tied to that destructive cycle and my time is short now with my kids before they move on and go to College and I needed to be there for them healthy and less stressed. Well He was patient and we talked and talked. Then we exchanged yahoo im's and well we talked some More. He is Old Guard and also very High Protical , and I have been prepping to take my High Protical training with My Mentor to become ready to what is most desired and sought after. He and I are about to go to the Next level and boy I am ready. I have Kept a Journal of my Day to Day, and I also Joined TRC. He will be joining Me on ASJ when I pay up my Dues this last payday and I will pay for the year. I have been excited and anious this week for the meeting. Last Saturday he had to work but W/we plan on if things are right tomorrow. He has waited to find me and For that i am glad- and I will soon meet WorshiptheMaster so very soon.

Further on the Heart of Submission. For me the heart of submission has been something that i have learned over time. It makes or it breaks someone depending on that person and their strengths. But for me the heart of submission came when service of love was totaly unchained, and released me from all restrictions, and it humbled my soul and also made me complete. It is a strength and it is a weakness that binds both parts of our soul with the Dominate and the submissive. It gave me the will to submit to another and desire His Leadership and crave it, as well as crave His release to be dominate and to take the lead as well when needed, knowing His pride is showing in my growth and my love of Him. The heart of submission is my gift to my Master. it will be the  treasure and Pride that he Takes with him when he's away, and it shines in his eyes when we are together. At the heart of submission is the strength to endure the pain at the Masters hands, and to grow and become more as W/we grow together over time together. It will see me through pushing my limits and help me to make gains as I move ahead. There will be tears and times of trial as a Master and a sub learn to grow with each other. When I give up my Keys to my heart to my Master will come when W/we are ready to go to the next level. The heart of submission is complicated but at the same time so easy when its wound up in emotions that are heard to express. But those that kneel tp their Masters in love so complete will understand at last the heart of submission. But for me it breaks down into 2 simplest words right now till that time comes when My Master Collars me and changes it all. But for now its the Love for self ( for we can only fully submit when we know our self's) and for the Master ( who is becoming my world), and the other is Trust that both have given to to each other when we start the journey together and learn to trust each other, and that trust Is something we both will earn from each other each and every day. Till there comes a point where trust has been won and complete that there is no fear that the other would ever hurt the other or lie or hide anything from the other. There is no secrets when that has happened.

The Heart Of Submission...................................................................................................... Oh how humble is the submissive that gives her all to her Master? Its the feeling of completeness and full surender that swells her heart with pride and love for the Master. When either at his feet or in his lap she knows his love with his gentle words. She feels his desire when She surenders to relieve His stress when she bends over to take the whip. She knows her gift to him is the keys to her heart and her tears are his to call forth. She relishes in service knowing that His needs are meet and asks nothing from him but his love. You see the Heart of submission when you watch the 2 in how they interact with each other and you feel the power of it in their scenes. Its a gift, and a treasure, that is rare and special once it is given and received at the time a sub humbly gets down on her knees and bows her head to her master and He reaches down and lifts Her Chin and looks into Her eyes and say's YOU are Mine, and I am Yours.

Gone to another Munch and had a blast and I meet my sub there and I was pleased He enjoyed Himself. I warned Him we are not a quiet group and i think He was surprised how out right social We are. But thats why I Like MAK. I was welcomed and made not to feel like an outsider and thats great. It will make eventually for me it easier later on to do my first public scene with the great group we have. So much has been happening and also joined TRC. Figured its time to be open to the new and ready for exploration this year as I begin to move forward. My talks every night with WorshiptheMaster leave me content, and yep happy, and I know the feeling with His is reciprocated. He asked me to keep a written journal and well have not done that in a long time but i have been keeping it as requested.Guess I will be posting 2 things tonight, and hope it is enjoyed.

Well the talking between Me and Him are going into the next phase and So The training has been moved back to March. I am as excited and yes even nervous once again to be at this one point in my life once again. Now at this point my path is no longer alone, and very soon It will be with the two of us developing the second level of trust with each other, We have talked of everything and anything that we have both been through and have done. We have even done Web cam viewing to verify each other and we are meeting this week. I have given him my trust to hold for now the same way He Has done to me. The Alpha is defiantly established as of this date. The weeks ahead will be the most interesting ones by far. The New year has taken on a whole new look and I am looking forward to learning and growing with Him. As we get to know each other in even more detail and not just on the internet. How its up to us to come together in real life and yes He is very close to where I live and was looking for what I wanted a 24/7 relationship.       It does not effect the fact that I am a switch and have a sub- and He's fine with it or if I need as He calls it a play body as an outlet- nor would I begrudge Him one- if He needed one either-because it will not effect us at all- once our trust is strong. My sub will not be worried that he needs to submit to Him as He is very straight- . Neither of us will make the other do something they are not or would never do. My what changes have happened in a short time for me.............smiles. I am happy right now. And as we say let the Fun Begin......................... I have those that I need already in place for now..My kids are great and doing good in school, and this sr year for them has shown major maturity growth in even them...................so yep.....everything is good for me right now.   And Friends i am doing fine and hope to make more new kinky friends here and in the forum as well as very active on ASJ- and yes even - in the Marshal Area Kinksters Group.    Going to you're local Munches are where we make lots of friends and can share embarrassing and even funny moments with each other- we learn and yes we also meet some one- that might be the one- but I meet them all believe it or not Here on CM ( my Master Worshipthemaster/ my friend submittome and My Sub darlacranelover)

CAN'T WAIT TO GET OVER THE HEAD COLD THAT IS PAGING ME RIGHT NOW. ITS FULLY HOW THINGS CAN CHANGE SO FAST WHEN ITS TIME TO MOVE FORWARD. SOON I BEGIN THE TRAINING WITH MY MENTOR/TEACHER- I KNOW THERE WILL BE DAYS OF LOVE AND HATE- BUT THE TRANSFORMATION I WILL GO THROUGH WILL BE COMPLETE. I THINK ITS FUNNY THAT I WENT INTO DOMME MODE THE CLOSER I GET TO THIS TIME OF SUBMISSION AS I MOVE FROM THE LOW TO HIGH ( SOME WILL UNDERSTAND THIS AND SOME WILL NOT). I MOVE FROM LESS TO MORE.                                                                  THE END WILL SEE ME EITHER WITH AN OLD GUARD WHO WILL BECOME MY ALPHA AND I HIS OMEGA- FUNNY THAT THIS HAS COME UP JUST AS I AM SUBMITTING FULLY. I HAVE ALSO SEEN HIS FACE AND WE WILL SOON MEET. WE HAVE BEGUN TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING AS WE GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. ITS ERONIC OF ITS TIMING- DON'T YOU THINK. THERE HAS ALSO BEEN TALK WITH ALSO ANOTHER WHOM IS A BETA DOM- BUT IS NOT OLD GUARD- ONE WHO WILL HELP TO FILL THE GAPS. AND THERE IS THE ONE WHOM WILL KNEEL FOR ME- HE WILL BE MINE- SEPARATE FROM THEM AND DOES NOT SERVE THEM AT ALL . EACH ONE UNIQUE AND THEIR OWN PERSON. I FELT IT WAS TIME TO SAY WHAT IS IN MY HEART AND WHAT MAY SOON BE.                                                                                                                              NOW ON THE OTHER SIDE: i HAD A BLAST AT OUR MARSHALL AREA KINSTER MUNCH AND OUR IN PROM TO SHINDIG . IT WAS A GOOD TIME FOR ALL AS WE CONTINUE TO GROW AND BECOME A FAMILY OF FRIENDS AND BUILD TRUST WITHIN OUR GROUP OF FUNNY- AND YES WITTY GROUP OF KINKSTERS- AND I AM GLAD TO CALL MYSELF ONE OF THEM AS WELL.

Thinking back about the last year I think off all the things I was then and where I was. It made me realize that I have done a lot of things good, alto I did not always see it that way at the time. I have seen troubled Teens grow up and become responsible and take life as it comes with an optimistic out look compared to what it was when they came to me.  I have seen my Own grow into wonderful Boys and determined to succeed.        All this is due to 2 things that set my boys on the much needed path they needed to go- when all they knew like me along time ago was abuse. One was the last Dominate that first took the time to get to know me and then the boys and Showed that He really cared about Us, and wanted to really know us, and took the time to actually do it. Then The second thing That Dominate did was that once He established the relationship with Me it was not Just Me- He included the Boys. He knew I needed His Love- guidance and Patients and yes at times His Discipline to over come my fears and help Me grow into who I am Now. He also Took the time to Guild and Model behavior for the Boys that Showed then Just How A Man Should Be and that He takes responsibility for Himself and those He Loves- and provides the guidance to grow and explore within boundrys, and when boundary are pushed= the discipline to help them respect the rules and the structure they need to over come any disability. MY Boys had Aspager's Syndrome- but they surpassed everything the Doctors and the early teachers said they would ever achieve. THAT IS A TESTAMENT TO A GREAT DOMINATE-THAT HE LEFT A LEGACY OF LOVE AND STRENGTH TO US.   THAT WAS HIS GIFT.                                    I grew and moved on with out Him and stood alone. I know that I can and be Ok even tho I am not complete when alone. I decided the past is the past and it was time to move on.  It is a New Year and that means New Things and New friends who become dear friends. It will mean when may comes I will see my boys graduate High School and then go off to college. I have made a new family of friends in the local Kink groups and that is good. I expect that this year will be different- most definatly- and i hope to discover maybe the one i seek has found me? May Be I Hope ? Or will Find Me ? Yep if He truly is seeking the right person and is as picky as me. My New Years wish is that everyone finds the right person for them and finds their bit of heaven Here on Earth.

I guess guys fear a switch or if you mention what you are at right now they back off. Just because I have a submissive- does not mean that I will less of a submissive to them- in fact they should be glad i will not top them. I seek a Master or Daddy that truly wants a 24/7 that evolves in us being together and sharing every dark desire, and exploring all dark corners together and drawing devious ideas up together and tiring them out. Guess I have grown a lot this last year and can't wait to see where it will lead to in the New Year. I have been talking to Dominates that have shown interest in what I can offer but have not yet made a Choice Yet. Just remember I am one Picky Bitch- LOL- as the one I let collar Me in the end will be the one I will be with till the end. But Masters or Dads for play mates for now........ well have one or 2 in mind, have to see how that works out. Also Talking to Some that are Interested in long Term. But enough of this. Looking forward to rope again- our group will be having a  event in April will be with a Shabari expert. God I enjoyed it in the past, and still do alto It takes a whole lot of patients from me sitting still and giving Him the responses He needs to keep me comfortable and Safe. That is one event in February I will NOT MISS.

When I was talking to a New Kinky person at the Last Munch along with another Switch that was the Dominate side first ( as I am a submissive switch ) , we were talking to her about how to find Her self and what she desired. I had pointed out although she was already signs of being a Domme, that she needed at the beginning to experience both sides ( top and bottom) to be sure, and that the information would help Her to find exactly what she wanted as well as help her to understand the other end and their mind set.         This took me back to the first time I was exposed to BDSM. I was 17 about to turn 18 and so very curious about BDSM as I knew I was different even then- alto - at the time I did not process then as a teen that I had already had some early exposure through my parents- kids don't think that way about them -LOL. I ran into by chance at a Goth rave an older ( 30 yr ) Dom and we began talking and enjoying our self together. We exchanged numbers and both of us got in touch with each other. With in a short time W/we got together and I began to serve him ( not sexually ) and He collared me. He allowed me to explore and learn some areas of BDSM in a safe and sane manor that kept me from being hurt or emotionally damaged. I learned much from Him. He started me on the journey and put me on the right path and taught me the right way to go, and He was the one that I used as the standard to judge Dominates against.   I did try vanilla as He told Me to the first time I actually did Have sex  The first few times- but I knew it was not what I wanted. I made one mistake along the way- but corrected that. Then I put myself back on the path to my true inner self and found my Dominate that was my heart and soul until his death. Thinking that far Back to where I began made me wish He ( MY very First Dominate ) could know that I wanted to say thank you and that He had given me the Keys to me and that I appreciated the lesson He taught me and the love and gentle guidance and yes even the discipline he gave me that made me- me.

My toy box has been growing by leaps and bounds alto i an still far from done. My toybox I would say would please my Master but still not complete yet in the things that I would use, as well as the toys For my submissive. In fact my CBT toys have just begun to grow a little bit- and plan on buying more. But there is bigger toys I am thinking about and will have to plan out and also some that i will have built- and also going to make sure that the Big toys can be broken down and taken to one of our shindigs to add to the Fun.         I hope I am lucky before april to find my hearts desire and He can bond with me to the extent that i need to release all control to him in the right way that will prevent me from topping issues. At same time then can use my other side and push to be all that i can and will be with my submissive. Switches are not lessor- in fact I think we have embracedDUECE every aspect of our self and have a lot to offer to the right person.

We all have dark desires and areas of taboo we all want to explore and share with someone. It takes that interaction to grow and become more to each other. I find its a intricate dance between both as they move in harmony both mentally and physically to their own inner music and dance. Its the way we are meant to be. Its what we all desire. I hope to find once again that one that fills the empty spot and hopefully I will fill His. Its a long process to find someone that is compatible with me, but I know it will happen. And when it does when I know that once again I will be in the dark dance that lights my soul on fire with desire and the craving to become more and the willingness to serve Him will then become complete once again ( alto that does not mean i will serve a female- no way- not going to happen).                                                                                                           Going to our much in just a few minutes more I am a member of Marshall County Kinksters ( in Alabama). I enjoy myself- but it would be nice to have someone there that is with me. Sigh- that will happen I hope this year, but i still have fun and learn and pick up new ideas and I guess get further perverted, and even more Sadistic as a Domme when- but that does not mean that i have let go of my submissive side of me at all- on the opposite it is very much there and it gets more stronger and complete every time i use my other half of me as i get it out and use it. DON'T FEAR A SWITCH- OR PUT ONE DOWN- WE JUST NEED AND CRAVE TO BE COMPLETE AND WHOLE- WE GIVE ALL OF OUR SELF AND THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE WEAK OR THAT WE LACK COMMITMENT- THAT IS NOT TRUE. LOOK AT LIFE AND HOW IT RUNS- WE DO THIS TYPE OF DANCE EVERY DAY. SOME WILL NOT ADMIT IT TO THEMSELVES- AND THAT'S OK. WE ADMIT WHO WE ARE AND EXCEPT THAT. WHEN I AM A SUBMISSIVE I GIVE MY ALL TO HIM- AND I DO THE SAME AS A DOMME. I AM NOT A FINDOM- AS IT HAS TO DO WITH GROWTH AND BECOMING MORE -SO IF THIS IS WHAT BOTHERS YOU I AM SORRY- BUT I AM JUST ME.

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT CHRISTMAS- AND TO MY FRIENDS- HUGS.                EVERY ONE NEEDS TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH OTHERS IN A PRODUCTIVE WAY WHEN MAKING FIRST CONTACT. I TALK OPENLY ABOUT ME IN A GENERAL WAY THAT HELPS THEM TO GET TO KNOW THE BASIC PERSON FIRST. THIS GOES BOTH WAYS OF THE CONVERSATION, AND THEN MOVE INTO THE AREAS OF BDSM- D/S TO SEE NEXT IF THERE IS ANY COMPATIBILITY. I FIND THAT I GET CONTACTED FROM THOSE NOT IN MY STATE MORE OFTEN . WAS MORE HOPING FOR INTERACTION WITH SOME ONE CLOSE WAS MY ORIGINAL IDEA. RIGHT NOW FOUND A LOCAL SUBMISSIVE- THAT'S VERY GOOD- FOR BOTH OF US. JANUARY BEGINS THE NEXT PHASE WHERE WE GO FACE TO FACE AND FINISH GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND SEEING IF THERE IS THE CHEMISTRY NEEDED FOR BOTH OF US TO BUILD THE LINKS THAT LEAD TO TRUST. BEEN TALKING TO A DOMINATE THAT IS REASONABLY CLOSE- HAVE TO SEE HOW THAT GOES. I ALSO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH MY MENTOR TO HELP ME PROGRESS TO WHERE I NEED TO BE GOING SO THAT WHEN I FINALLY FIND THE RIGHT DOMINATE- HE WILL BE PLEASED THAT HE JUST NEEDS TO BUFF A FEW EDGES OFF TO SEE THE INNER CORE OF ME. JOURNEYS BEGIN WHEN WE MOVE FORWARD AND TAKE THE TIME TO SEE IT THROUGH. WE BUILD THE TOOLS AND THE SKILLS NEEDED ALONG THE WAY TO HELP US ON THIS JOURNEY- AND TO SHARE WITH ANOTHER- OR 2- IT DEPENDS ON WHERE THE PATH MAY LEAD. RIGHT NOW MINE HAS BEEN WINDY AND HAS HAD A TREE IN ITS WAY A FEW TIMES, BUT GOOD FRIENDS HAVE KEPT ME ON THE PATH- AND A MENTOR TO TAP ME ON THE HEAD TO REFOCUS MY ATTENTION ON TO MY GOALS I HAVE SET TO ACCOMPLISH WHILE WAITING FOR THE RIGHT ONE TO COME ALONG AND WANT TO WALK AND SHARE MY ROAD WITH ME- TO BE MY COMFORTER WHEN I TREMBLE AND WEEP- MY FRIEND WHEN I NEED ONE- MY STERN MASTER - WHO REMINDS ME NOT TO STRAY FROM MY PATH- OR TO LEAD AND GUILD ME TO DISCOVER NEW THINGS THAT I HAVE NEVER DONE OR TO MAKE ME EVEN MORE STRONGER IN THOSE I LOVE. I ALSO NEED A FAIR MASTER THAT KNOWS HE HAS NO NEED TO BE A BULLY- BECAUSE HE'S DOMINATE- BUT KNOWS HIMSELF INSIDE OUT AND WELL IS WAY MORE EXPERIENCED THEN ME- WELL THAT'S A BONUS- I THINK- AS HE KNOWS JUST HOW TO TRIP ME OFF INTO THE BLISS OF SUB SPACE- AND HOW TO BRING ME OUT OF IT AND REFOCUS.

Ok my second Much was ever so much fun and we went from one place to another laughing and letting off steam . Made even more friends there. Me and one other are the older ones of our group- but that's OK- as now We round out the group. Smiles.................Think I may be closer to finding a dominate- but have to see how it goes, and god - I am looking foward to the New Year- as I will begin my face to face interations with both them ( the possible Dominate- and yes even my submissive)- plan on keeping both comfortable and separate so that my sub can fill at ease when we do play so He can go into sub space and I can get into Domme Space ( lol ) with out feeling I need to submit. When you are in mode of either one it takes a person to be fully there to give their best either as a sub or as a Dom/me. Its not right to cheat either partner of their due- and respect. It helps to create the firm foundation that both relationships need- but at same time - one must always make sure that both know about the other- even tho they may not interact with each other- as neither are Bi- and my preference is always toward straight guys.                                                                            So my New Year is going to go off with a Big and Fun Bang for Me. I have learned not to shy from a bigger group of kinky people and to be more open and a part of a group ( and not just a pack of Teenagers- that I deal with helping- or my own kids). Needed this before I became too much a recluse- and that's not good either- that sets up a whole new set od issues that some types of Dominates would have used aginst me to isolate me and that is not good. Isolation when dealing with anyone can lead to danger and should always be delt with caution and if thats what a Dom/me wants- then run don't walk as this is a big red flag of danger to you and you're health.

Tommorow I am going to my second Munch. LOL. Both sides of me are both nervous as their will be more people there this time. Too many forget the needs of both, but the balancing act that it takes and learning control can be both daunting but also intriguing to me. Miss talking to old old friends and I hope they are all well. I guess time tells all, and its a shame to lose connection to them.                                                                                     My submissive side has been peeping around the corners and has popped its  head out a few times when i have talked to a few Dominates that seem to be intrested in talking to me right now. I look forward to January myself as this will be my turning point and I will express myself a little more in person with my face to face meetings with my submissive as we go ahead and move to the next level.                                                     I still seek my own Dominate that wants more then ever to be a part of my life, as much as I want to be in his. But heck, I have been asked to be a play partner but not sure yet if I will go this way until my One finds me.                                                          There are times I wonder if I will find Him, or am I going to be continuing to be hit by those that are Cyber Dom's that only want a fantasy or online relationship. But one can not truly grow that way. It takes more then that- it takes interaction- it takes intimacy- it takes daily communication- it takes a Dom that wants a lady by day- and by night and just for His pleasure- his slut or whore or his loving and willing play toy. If He desires to turn around and bottom for his submissive as she rises to the top- for Her to treat him with the love and same respect he has always shown him and allow his other dark desires of CBT to be fulfilled.                         

While on I saw a test on of the people that go to the Munch that i went to had posted a test and saw her results- so for the heck of it I took the test- well I posted the results in my writing and well thought i would also post them here: ............................... Switch......................................100%   Experimental..................................100%                                 Degradation.............................100%                                                                                       Bondage....................................100%                                                                                     Submissive..................................93%                                                                                      Exhibitionist/Voyer......................93%                                                                                      Sadist.........................................93%                                                                                       Dominate....................................79%                                                                                       Masochist...................................64%                                                                                       Vanilla..........................................7%                                                                                       Thought this was interesting and rather irronic. I have never been a complete pain puppy- but small to minor pain I have tolerated as long as pleasure always followed. I knew I was growing and expanding my self and moving foward. I have also become a part of something that should continue my growth. Time makes us more- it depends on how we use the knowledge we gain- or the lack of using it to modivate us. I have always thought that staying in a rut leads to the death of ones inner growth and allows stagnation and then death of communication and then the final blow- the death of the relationship.

Ok, went to my first Munch and found it interesting although I did not meet everyone as they had a Kink party going down the next day. So I am going this Friday to their normal Munch again.  I figure it does not hurt to know the locals around me and to view them as an observer so that I see them for who they are. I did however make a new friend there who is a submissive switch like me ( Guy ) and we had a great time just talking and we made friends. After all a Munch is a way for Us to make friends with other like minded people and to also help us grow and learn through interaction in real time. I still am digging deeper and continuing to put more into developing both my submissive side and my dominate side so that both are balanced and not out of kilter. If one neglects either one then they are not in harmony with their self and will always feel off or unsure of themselves and they are not giving 100 percent of themselves to their partner. I have not forgotten my submissive side and its still very much there and I honestly think that it is more stronger for the time i am investing in my personal growth waiting and patiently feeling out other Dominates to see if they will be the right fit, and then if they get past the first part - talking to me online, meeting me in real life. A few have washed out during the online part and One washed out during the face to face. But time will find the right Fit. I don;t jump blindly but with caution, because I seek the one that I hope may be the last one. But I have also interacted with others as just friends as well as we found that we were more wired to be friends. I have also interacted and talked to male submissives that want to interact with either a switch or a Domme, and have found the one I will work with for now. But I hope that does not make other Dominates fear that I have turned total Dominate- as I have not, and the Munch Showed Me that. and I have good control over both sides of me and know that through the talking and communication with each other they will understand that.

Been pulling back in myself and looking at all angles as to who I am and where I will go and how far have i already come. I take the time to look and listen to everyone who contacts me, and either make a new friend or after a little while they seem to fade away because W/we realize there might never be that final connection or they only want the on line fantasy and not a real life connection............sigh.......But enjoy the friends I have made, I hope so even tho I do not always hear from them often.                                           Going to a local Munch tonight with a friend. Finally breaking down and going to one- hope to make new friends local to me........shakes head....never been to one as in past relationships was kept away from them as well as the clubs. I don't blame my Dominates that was collared to- as I understood their reason and I excepted their wishes. Now that I am on my own and still seeking...........well just going to the Munch as would never go to a club on my own ( LOL don't want to be the lamb to slaughter.smiles) but well might think about it ..........if it goes to the point that I might consider collaring a submissive myself ( yep He will know whom I am talking about.....wicked grin), or if I am once again collared to a Dominate as His Submissive.

But for know I know I have moved forward and have not forgotten anything i had learned- I only hope to add to my knowledge and expand and make more friends. Lets all hope the new year changes a few things.

There are days when I slip into sub space with out thinking about it a time or two, and it does not last too long right now till i break out of that mind space and remind myself the reason for not going there and letting my emotions take over and over ride common scene. I have not gone backwards on this journey of self- if any thing I have made strides in confidence in who I am and where I will go. Sigh, now if others feel the same about themselves then there would be more willing to admit to themselves that they realy should look into closer to home submissives rather then tiring to get a newbie in another state to do web cam submission for them. Hate to see another person fall for this type of problem. Al-tho It does( get the sadist in me at war with my gentle side in) me wondering ok- if they are dumb enough to go there= will He be dumb enough to submit and then forget to use the safe word and get hurt? And who will they blame? The dom/me? Yep and they will not put any form of blame on themself as they forget they have the major keys and can yell uncle and Have a Dom/me back down and see what went wrong to protect them from harm. Guess I still look at this from both sides and I think that is fine, as I hope it keeps me grounded and centered as I would not like it if I ever got off kilter and seriously hurt some one. I do like to push things a bit and see where they will go. As a submissive to see what the Dominates make up is, so that I know if we are compatible before I submit and would be willing to go into the trial period to see if it will lead to a collaring. Now as a Domme I will push a submissive to stretch his boundary and to be willing to try new things if He is new, but with gentleness as well as strict guidance. But I also know that for someone who has already played there will be times I have to let the sadist in me also push them but also with care and exploration maybe of new things and new ideas. Kneeling is both a pleasure and service to the One, through Submission does the sub/slave become complete. For The Dominate it fills his needs and his or her desires as well as she builds and strengthens her property and heightens their shared experiences together.

Submission is something that continues to evolve between all those that are evolved, it bends and weaves its desires to lend to the growth of Both the Dominate and the submissive. It can take a submissive and make them a slave as it built up to become better and stronger then they were before. A truly good Dominate should care for and desire to see his submissive fullfilled and their desires  while protecting them from harm and guiding them to learning to become even more content and happy with their place at their Dominates feet worshiping and desiring to serve and obey. Its a gift that both give to each other as they express themselves to each other.

My Submissive is enjoying all the ideas W/we are coming up with as W/we work to know where W/we are interested in exploring and Also Where I have never explored Yet. Dark side is defiantly getting stronger...........big grin, and has Made a few Dominates even more interested in me. They are curious I guess what it would take to make me humble myself to kneel- well that would be rather simple.  I need a Dominate that is totally into real time, That seeks to help me stay grounded as well as to allow Me to continue my development and growth. To be patient and Fair and yes even strict when I cross the lines. To hold me when I break and shatter and to comfort me as I recover. I know that His needs need to be Meet as well, and that His emotional well being must also Be considered. Now if He's a Switch...........hum..... possibly very good, for both if W/we desire to be souly One on one.                             Till that time............shrug.........I am My Own Mistress That demands and Expects respect and if my submissive gets out of Hand well............ lets say........My Inner Sadist is very much willing to oblige and make him drop to his knees in Humble submission to Me, while I build up a toy collection that would Make any Master or Domme proud-LOL. No not professional Domme- but I am exploring the other side of me as I realized that holding that side looked up has made me Burn and Hunger to release that side and explore all inner corners of my personal self. If I deny this part of me then am I being Honest and complete with a Dominate- I don't think so. but then it gives me inner site into both aspects that help me explain better through communication to others that are new and answer perhaps some of their questions with a mature mind set and common sense, I hope so.  And If I happen to well pervert a few- LOL- then I have done my part........grin.  

Talked to a friend of mine and told him what I had in mind for My planned play room and He nearly choked. I had taken him a copy of the plans for the X cross that I got off the Forum ( ty very much guys) and He plans on building Himself one and I asked him to buld me 2. Explained that was going to set one up as a beginners cross- all gentle like to my left side of the room and then one the right side would be the advanced one that would not be set up nice- plus then the wall behind them would be paneled with a hidden panel that to open would have to take down a picture to be able to open the door. And in there would be hanging on hooks and in clear compartments would be a wide assortment of toys and whips that could be gentle or down right wicked......big grin. Will have above each one a C hook to hold the phoney spider plant when They are in play. In other corner of room will put in a double bed on legs so that the metal stockade that want to get could slide under bed when not in use. And going to put in a Hope box for blankets and can be used for other ideas. And the Idea for hiding a whipping pole will be great since it can double as a coffee table and coat rack. That way the play room would look like just an ordinary spare bedroom in my cement building as a back up guest room.................mmmmmmmmmmmmm.......love the ideas i am getting........wicked grin from all my friends and their other ideas. Thanks. Looks like my winter project is definatly going to help keep me busy.

 

Finally figured out to have a way to have a Play room that can be locked up when not in use. Going to be working on converting Cement Building into 2 rooms and Storage. That way I have the place that I or later Can become usable for eventually me and A Dominate for any Play toys that are too big or will not break down. Thanks to a forum topic got some plans for building some of the things I have thought about putting in along with using a upside down gravity table as another toy.                                          Still in the talking period with a sub for me during my time working on better use of my Switch side with an experienced Switch to work though my time of learning and growing. I had never in the past took the time to learn how to use my Dominate side other then lite Bondage and minor control. However its time to expand past that and grow so that there will be more to me. I never thought i had a Sadistic side to me but I have found that these last 4 months its been popping its little head up, and i want to learn controls so that i don't hurt someone. W/we always teach others that young Doms need mentoring with an experienced Dom to guide them to help them grow and learn. Even Subs need to learn with the right guidance, wither through a Mentor while looking for their Dominate or with the Dominate as you grow and explore together. Even a Switch needs to explore and grow and learn how to use both sides and learn how to be comfortable with both sides. W/we all need to learn the keys to Balancing our inner person and leads to understanding who W/we are. And then in turn it helps us lean to understand what W/we need and where W/we want to go. Be patient and take time to learn from others and their experiences, and then experiment with you're own ideas as you become you're unique self.

My inner journey has continued, Its funny that when i posted i don't do cyber domination that Less seem to send me commands to obey them. The Big Kitty grins wickedly as this means that those that truly seek someone that they want to meet or get to know have no fear that this submissive will not respond because her mail box was jammed with posers. I take communication and integrity and honesty very seriously. As I expect the same from anyone else. Friends are the spice of Life that make the journey less traveled that much more fun. I treasure my friends and hold them dear. So Hugs all and hope you had a good holiday, but looking forward to Christmas and bought myself a few new toys. 

Dom's I will only video call only for verification on Yahoo. I do not Skype- sorry, but its constantly never let me use it so just gave up on Skype. How ever that does not mean I do web cam submission. I use this only to see a person so when I go to a real life meeting I know who I am looking for and that way they can see that any and all pictures I use are current of me. I would do the same for even any Submissives that I chose to work with. I don't do any Cyber Domination as that is not where I want to go in my journey.                Sorry 

I am moving forward on the potenchal of working with my own submissive. I have desired it is for the best for now to start off working with the sub that has experience for now.                                                                                                                                 I still have not forgotten or given up on the One that I personally seek but figure-by doing this it locks up any potenchal that sub frenzie will set in, and there for make it easier on me.                                                                                                                         I have been talking to others and hitting the forums more often lately to also expand and meet other like minded people. Time to move forward- time to explore- time to share-LOL- but mostly time to seek all thats me and help others.

Trust me not going to go into full Dominate mode- but had to explore and discover every part of me or how can I give 100 percent. W/we all need to explore ever aspect of us as part of out personal growth that way when we jump into the One relationship we all seek we know exactly what we need and what we can give to each other.                                                                                                                                       On ASJ in lobby was able to talk to newbies using both sides of the kneel to help them understand both perspectives as well as understand that there are those that have both a Dominate and Submissive side in them and that that is ok. Learning how to use it takes time and furthering personal growth. Me know I am a more natural submissive first and a Dominate second and not the other way around.                                                 Finally let go of the last things that tied me to my strongest relationship that were one of my biggest dislikes-LOL- He knew I hated Pink and Extremely Floral outfits. As I preferred if not dressing in black- other ok colors that went with the my more norm as a teen ( goth). 

Yep for all of you the little kitty is curled on a pillow softly snoring away until later the hand of the Right Dominate is there to awaken the submissive little kitty back up.              Now However the Other Side the Cougar that's lose and at large is swishing Her Tail and growling in pleasure at the Idea of Trying out long dormant CLAWS again. She already Has Her Sights on a Few Submissives  ( one an older one who brings wisdom and like minded Warped perspective  a Sadist) and a couple of newbies that want to learn from one WHO can go from gentle to vicious.  God So Much fun.                              Saw a teeter for back pain to help stretch and reline  the spine and Next that I knew my mind was wrapping around it and seeing it from another light as a interesting way to suspend a Sub and lock him up in a way that gives full access to feet and and put other delight full parts at a perfect height for torture while still giving health benefits to the Sub.  LOL will not go into too much detail but lets say the Sadist saw the endless possibilities that I did and could sit out in the open. We have been talking about other fun stuff as well ............and others have given their in put too.                        Finally updated my blog in ASJ and attend the class this time but need to do better even there.                                                                                                                          The two coined kitty with the bent and tarnished Halo with little horns is still around and looks foward to what may come her way. She hopes that The One will be pleased with Her and be proud of What She has discovered and become, but not worry that She will forget that She is first and foremost will be submissive t him when the time comes. But for now both kittys look toward bed and yawn and agree its time to sleep.

Been also indulging the sadistic side of my Switch Side as well. While taking time looks like I am about to take on my own submissive once again and get the Cougar come out and play while my playful submissive kitty curls up and takes a nap for awhile.                                                                                                                                   Boy Now Looks like going to expand my toy Box even more. Got my eyes on stuff that will add to the play. Let the fun Begin.

Have been taking time to think and prepair also my submissive side as well so do not think i have gone over to the Dominate side. Still very much a Submissive Switch that knows just a little more about herself. However will begin to push back against minor barriers to broaden my view. My Mentors have been great and are helping me see just how sweet some dark desires can been and to tap into the gifts that i intent to bring into a relationship. Have not put an entry into my journal for a day or 2 due to work and taking just a little time to self.                                                                                     Thought it funny tho that the few cyber Dom's thought they could expect me to act out their fantasy that they came up from Reading 50 Shades of Grey. Yes did read the books- they are so-so, but guess you guys need to to more research cause Thats not what we want to hear from you and it don't work over the internet  .  This media is away to meet and talk before it can be taken to RT. I am not an internet toy. Funny part have had a few guys want me to dominate them-LOL.

Cyber Dom's are not my thing so don't even contact me. I am not a web cam toy for you to use. I am into meeting new people and making new friends and finding the right Someone for RL. I am willing to share ideas and thoughts with new friends as after all we all grow that way. I also do not Cyber Dom myself when acting as a switch. I prefer the one-on-one face off for that after I get to know a person. For me the internet is way way to connect with people and to get to know each other and the world around us. Sorry if this offends some- but life is too short-and my time is precious to me.

Decided to get out my favorite skinny jeans and try then on to see how they fit now- after being unable to wear them for a good while- HELL YAH- THEY FIT AT LAST. So targeted weight goal is going pretty good- lost 35 pds but still not near final target want to get to 160/170 weight. Now tummy is my main project goal. enough said.    W/we all need to remember that healthy diets can enhance us as well as make some favorite play  like Anal ( yep- like it when done right and not the only play) and it is much cleaner as you get to know the rythem o:Df you're body. Health is both concerns for both as they work and blend together. If A Dominate does not take into consideration the health of his submissive and make sure she's not over doing it or playing clean to protect her he is going to possibly lose the best sub he had, and it also goes into the reverse as the Sub/Slave also needs to monitor the Dominates health as well to keep him fix and at his peek otherwise He will hit major stress triggers that could harm him as well. Also mental health of both should always be monitored to help each other as well, to prevent each other from getting hurt or pushed past their mental and physical limits. Pushing a little bit is ok- but should never push to the extremes every time as that is also not good either.

I have been taking these last 4 yrs to finally explore the other side of me that had me topping out or being frustrated at times and could never understand why i wanted to as they say " rip some ones face off ( for a politer term)". And have been learning more about my switch side and how to use it and it has lead to a new personal growth for me that has opened up a whole new side that has had me feel even more complete then i was in the past. I can when in my Dominate side go from a loving sensual person to down right sadistic at times-LOL- another personal surprise to me. I want to share all sides of me with the Dominate that i will eventually be with as that the both of us know each other inside and out and will be happy with each other and hopefully into a long term relationship with each other. Have had play partners that i knew would be short term and those were fine while they lasted and we walked away friends and still talk. Have meet some through the getting to know each other stage, but they never got past that stage as they hid stuff from me and i found out or when we meet we had no connection other then friendship. But then everyone needs good friends.                                                                                                                                   I enjoy talking to other Submissives/Slaves/ Switches and yes Dominates ( both Dom and Domme) and sharing new ideas and making friends as life is to short and if we can help each other then WHY NOT.

 Surgery went well for my son today. just wanted to post this before i have my say.  Any Dom must be aware that yep i still have kids still in house for another year give or take and needs to understand that sometimes needs of family must come first before his wants if he's a play partner and not into a full One-on-One relationship with me. I respect you're rights and you're time so lets be fair and honest with each other please. Communication is important for both of us about every things that will effect us both. Don't hide stuff as that might become a problem that might hurt both of us. i will continue to be honest and open but if you can't please don't bother- don't like those that can't be honest. take the time to know me- you'll be surprised that there is more to me and that i am open to new ideas and eager to explore new things. love talking and making new friends with other Submissives and Dom's and switches as that's how  we all grow and expand and gain new ideas and yep make new friends that can help tweak an already warped mind- LOL. 

Tired right now. Dealing with my son's broken hand and trying to keep up work and my dads appointments has made me need to seriously think about some time for myself just to unwind and relax. Don't want to be taken in the wrong context and hope everyone understand that i am very serious about finding the One but also helping others.

I may be quiet at times when observing you so don't take it that i am dumb and don't know anything, as i know that you are also observing me as well as we get to know each other if we decide to play. But first meetings and even second meetings are all about talking to each other first to get to know each other. Now here's a few pet peeves  if you think you can bully me into changing my hard limits or force me to not be a switch then don't go there. Lying and expecting me to tell you what to do to be a Dominate is not a good idea as don't want to train a Dominate right now- nothing personal as want to grow myself too and don't feel like raising another kid ( have mine and take care of other teens so don't need the extra work). If i want to train another would have done that when asked by someone to be my sub. also lying and hiding you are  married is down right dumb and i if i find out i am going to be mad as hell as don't want to be involved that way unless i am told up front and other partner ok with it. 

last night on ASJ our life styles class went back to an older topic as we have had a new wave of new Submissives and slaves join us and we went back to the number one topic that every new sub needs to remember. first one is: Trust and honesty. the 2 are so interlocked that no relationship can begin with out these 2. and the 2nd one we covered was about LIMITS: we talked about some times its ok to push the boundreys of soft limits to help each other grow- but even these need to be talked about prior to any serious play so that each other knows when to stop the other before anyone gets Hurt ( SAFE AND SANE)- but Hard Limits should never be pushed or changed on either the Dom or the Sub/slave in the middle of the game as trust will be lost and then fear comes in, and some one just might get badly hurt ( physically or mentally). If later down the line you decide you might want to try a Hard Limit it needs to be discussed first-to see if both are willing to go there- but if one is not willing- then don't go there. Remember forcing someone to change distroys everything you have built up to, and ends any relationship pretty quick.

We talked about the many ways of handling stress in the last body shop on ASJ- and W/we all talked about the fact that doing things that bring pleasure is one way to to reduce stress and the number one way beside exercise and meditation- is yes our favorite- SEX. I take that stress reveler any day-LOL.  That's why one way we as subs and slaves can help our Dom/me's but also just being there and even letting them talk is also a way for them to reduce their stress level's too.  W/we all go through stress with dealing with work- kids and just every day life- but its how we cope with it is what helps us stay healthy and reduces the chance of major stress induced health problems. Even eating right will help with internal stress issues when recovering from a major illness.- well this ones just a minor post- but one we tend to for get or lover look in our day to day life.  

If you're looking for a submissive to go into a poly- please don't bother to contact me. I am only after a one-on-one only and will not be interested. And DON'T THINK YOU CAN FORCE ME TO CHANGE THIS HARD LIMIT. for right person much can be had- and for me a one-on-one can be enough.

w/we all need to take deep and personal thoughts about our wants and needs and how W/we interact with people everyday. Been thinking about this when i got up this morning before i start my day as part of my continuing journey towards self. 

Went back and did some forum reading on ASJ and an older lesson really bears repeating here but i warped it to take both sides in. well here it goes..........................1. Responsibility:from a Dom/me's point they are responsible for their own actions or lack of actions when dealing with their Submissives. They need to be patient, strong,and independent. Submissives also need to take responsibility for their own actions, and yep their lack of actions when dealing with their Dom/me's too. we also need to be calm and and patient, and yes strong when away from our Dom/me's when we have to me under normal situations.  2. Patients: yep back to this again, Dom/me's need to be patient and not rush to collar a submissive after the first time together, but take their time as you have not yet learned every thing about you're submissive. Remember this is a relationship that builds over time ( and the best 24/7 relationships developed over time), so don't rush it. Submissives: also need patients when learning their about their new Dom/me's and not rush into anything too quickly. If Dom/me's try collaring you too fast slow them down a bit and take it slow- remember you need to build trust before that collar goes on you. 3. Real Expectations: Dom/mes please set real expectations about who you are Make an honest attempt to respect you're submissive and please be a little more giving of you're time with them when developing and keeping you're relationship with you're submissve. Submissiveness's also need to set real expectations and not expect that the Dom/me to be perfect and to know exactly what you need. Be honest about you're self as well.4. Consistency: Dom/me's subs have their ups and downs and need you to be patient , and consistent with all you're rules please. As well as Submissives need consistent with their personality and submissiveness so that they don't wear out their Dom/me's nerves tiring to figure you out. 5: Discesion in a relationship: well don't need to break it 2 ways as one way is for both- just don't go gossiping about the details of you're relationship. if you have problems tell each other what they are- so you can fix them or decide if its deal breaker- then let go and quit.6: Trust: Trust takes time and is not built in one day so don't think it will happen on the first time. 7: Sanity: both should know their mental state and don't enter into any relationship till you are emotionally stable. 8: Stop recycling the Past: communicate openly any fears or hurts in the beginning as you are building a new relationship and that way you can deal with fears more openly- then bury the past and move on. 9. Honest Effort and Understanding: This one also goes both ways right off the bat-both need consideration of their emotional and physical needs when together as well as when apart. Be patient and understanding if either has kids and time gets warped by their needs or each others jobs as well. Otherwise both will end up burn out and emotionally battered.10. Communication: same here- its all about the talk- keep talking all the time about every little thing, or any thing new you might want to explore or try. When communication dies so does the trust and the relationship.

After another class on D/s relationships it gave me another point to ponder, and has helped me to have another view of the talks i have had with some Dom's and perhaps some Dom's lack of understanding of me- i guess. But i have noticed that also a few Dom's just don't get it as to what we expect. Now this is based on me as what i expect of the Dominates role might be with me ( but this will evolve as time goes on in a healthy relationship) is fist and foremost that He will be caring and concerned about me personally (just as He should expect that i would be caring about him as well ). He should be willing to provide the rules and guidance that i need so that my little moments don't overwhelm me, or cause me to to not to know what is expected of me or for me likewise not to know what to expectations that i have a sub to help you as a Dom grow ( and yes you guys do grow with each new sub you deal with or through life in general ).I need to be dealt with fairly and compassionately as how I should treat you the same. Communication that starts at the beginning when getting to know each other and setting the Hard Limits or yep even the soft limits ( sexually- or the general relationship) should be continued and not dropped once  a relationship has been established. And this is where i noticed Dom's forget or fail right here. They think that once we are there as a D/s that they can just command to serve and don't bother to talk with us, and it can cause hurt feelings and a hell of allot of confusion that could have been avoided if communication was kepted in focus as part of our daily life's  i can't read you're mind right off the bat and somethings come over time in a long term relationship ( 24/7 really do learn each other the best). Doms need also to understand that hard limits are something you just don't arbitrary change ( example: ploy is a hard limit with me- don't tell me to find another sub to join us and go full time poly-not me at all.). Same as I should never push a Dom to break his hard limits. We need to be what we are and trust each other fully. And here's another hint Dom's; just because we willing and gladly serve you to the maximum  please don't forget we also need to also enjoy ourselfs too - pleasure goes both ways both are the steps that heighten it for both and take it forever onto the next level. if its just you're way- then you don't get the best from us and can set up any relationship to fail.

6 days of hell with no power and 3 teens not happy can drive one insane. just glad things are better now for all of us. have to think things through long and hard. my heart is torn between friends and and saying no to any mention of joining any form of a poly situation. When a person lists it as a hard line- no way- how much do they don't understand its a no? I am straight- don't ask me to do girl on girl- i am not bi or even gay- that is wrong to ask a person to go against their morals there and demand that they do what ever master wants and forcing a sub to think about engaging with other females when they flat out tell you they are straight and will not go poly- and only are interested one-one- one with a Dom. I am not here to recruit others for a poly house hold, and a master that says he's there for his sub and just uses them as a toy and wants to then brand that person with a physical brand- hell no- not me. i need and want more then just a pat on the head and then left all alone when things so bad and shit happens and i need him to understand and help me calm the little inside of me that breaks out in fear or when loney and needs just to be needed and loved. 

my friend learned from her lesson the hard way to talk more and be honest and demand the same-lol.                                                                                                           Had a bad day all around today that- well ruined some things that would have been a better investment of my time. Only thing that came out of it was got to laugh a a flaming gay guy that i talked to kinda tiring to get me to take control of him while waiting at court. he could not handle being left on his own as His Dom was in court- and told him no thanks. that was the only thing out side of getting home after leaving my cell phone home to prevent trouble with it as the silent mode on it is messing up. Got pleasantly surprised that Sir called me a lot and was worried about me- needed that pick me up after a really bad day.

Both bring much to each other in so many unique ways that build the intensity- the drive and the desire to be more and to become more then they are at the time when they first meet.                                                                                                                       But both need to be honest and disclose everything fully with each other as the begin to communicate with each other. Hiding stuff from each other does not build trust and when you get caught in a lie will end everything and pull the foundation down. Be open about you're hearts desire and needs, don't hide if you have kids or if you are married ( as this is not right) and can lead to both being hurt very badly. Also being honest about what you want and need in a sub/slave and the sub/slave should do the same. And don't spring on them after you ask them to except you after 3/4 sessions that you want them to go poly ( you should have discussed this with each other then at the beginning) as not everyone wants to go there and it leads to hurt feelings and mistrust of one and most defiantly screams MARRIED DOM when you did not say you were married, and that's not where i want to be on my journey.                                       I want and desire to be my DOM's one and only- to serve him freely and with out reservation or shame for being with him.

all of us as a whole need complete trust through pure communication of all things and all emotions that both a Dom and a Sub or otherwise how can the build the bridge together that links them both together so both the Dom/me gets the feed back they need to help and nurture their Sub/slave and for the Sub/slave to be free to let go and hand the Dom/me the precious keys to total control ( in any form: 24/7-or play mate) as well as the sub/slaves responisbilitys to the Dom/me's needs both emotional and physical so that both achive the relationship they both desire and need.

Had an interesting talk with a Dom that is an extremely good friend of mine about a sub that he seriously wants me to handle when he gets back as we say : " in the Real World" as i have in the past worked with spec ops/ and yep Navy Seal ( hell my Daddy Dom Aaron was a Navy Seal). this one is really going to be the most challenging for me and i am going to really have to step up my game to the max that i can take it to to deal with him, that is if i do chose to take him on as he would entail more i had to ever do with the others. nice part is that i am getting info on the sub from my friend in more in depth detail then the sub would give me with out me having to make him talk to get him to open up. beginning to feel like a Dom- military dear Abby- LOl- right now.

checked to see if Sir needed me- but no response-Sir was on early this morning and had hoped to hear from him.  Have had 3 military submissive's contact me and so unsure of what i should do as i really have no idea as to where i stand with Sir- yet. part of me wants to explore once again this side as i did with the one submissive that was mine to use during these moments until he was ready to move forward and find a  Domme to work with 24/7. the submissive side of me inside quakes ( yep having a bad little moment) from the uncertainty of my situation with Sir right now and is worried that somehow Sir is unhappy with me.  

it's raining and having a little moment where my insecurities are taking over after saying good bye to Shadow today at the vets. he was my first pure Wolf that i got after W/we moved back here from California. He was already a mature wolf when i took him but he became a great friend. sent a few emails to Sir to see if he wanted or needed me, but held back from him the fact that was putting Shadow down today. i did go on a hike and took him with me the day before so he could once again enjoy the woods and feel the breeze while i hiked the trail alone to chill out. right now the rain is soothing my hurt soul for my brother wolf whom i'll miss very much. it hit me that i needed to express this to Sir so that he knew my feelings and my fears otherwise how would He ever begin to trust me if i hide this moment of being little from him so here i express it for him to see.

Hope Sir will be pleased- lost 20 pds and energy level is going up even further. still not at my ultimate weight goal yet but hope to get there. will never be a thin sub and will still be a bbw- but just a more healthier weight for my back.  but very pleased at my progress tho. hope Sir see's my posts- that i am being a good girl and looking froward to our time together.

tired and getting ready to turn in. have not heard from Sir this week. i figure that He must be very busy right now with work. still patiently here and as ever ready to please Sir- where its in a session or just spending time talking to Sir.

decided to list here the information from a lesson from ASJ that i hope can clarify a few things about me. this lesson was taken from ASJ's  A Dom's quality s, and we had to rank them in order of Whats Important to Me In A Dom: sigh here they are:        1. Communication Skills:  2. Honesty: 3. Caring: 4. Attention to Safety: 5. Trustworthiness:  6. Sexual Skill: 7: Consistency: 8. Sense of Humor: 9. Authority and Control: 10. Physical Characteristics. there is more to each person then what is beheld in they eye's of others, and its the road to discovery that makes life a pleasure for both. i have always enjoyed talking with my past Dom as we shared everything with each other with no barriers or any emotion that was hidden from each other. being completely honest with each other is a must otherwise the D/s relationship ( and yes a vanilla relationship) will be doomed to failure and one getting hurt. both should be caring about each others wants and needs, so that its easy for me to be willing and happy to serve him with out reservations and with out fear. by paying close to attention it prevents each other from being hurt and both are responsible for this. now when you take these into account it helps build the trustworthiness that builds and strengthens the relationship that develops as well as they know each other well enough to completely trust each other even when apart. well the next one should be a given, as one can not build or train the other with out this-LOl. and with out consistency their would be no understanding between each other and that can ruin the relationship or lead to someone getting hurt. well a sense of humor is a must as life can throw things you're way that make things enjoyable and a pleasure to be around that person. well the last one is a natural part of any good Dom. and the reason i listed physical characteristic's last as there are things that are more important then just looks- don't get me wrong- a hot bad boy look guy is going to cause me to look- but its also whats inside the guy mentally that will spin my top as i am more then i seem and want to share all thats me to the right one.

Moving forward can be a slow process that takes time and the proper guidance from both. i have been working on my personal blog even more now on A submissive Journey more then ever and have put myself into the body shop with great gusto lately, as i have watched the progress actually begin to pay off even more. for those of you that ask me about what is the initials ASJ are that is A submissive journey and is also another excellent website with insite into the minds and hearts of us submissives and yes even slaves. i am thankful for also finding out about this site as well as it gives me more in sight into a Doms mind and has opened me up to the new possibility that has happened recently that have me now reeling with new thoughts that help me to become way more then i am at this point. its too early to answer anything right now but in the near future i hope it becomes more, and connections are made. LOL want any more info- look me up on ASJ- same name as here.