sassychica82

On one hand, it's as simple as that: don't treat me like you have any power over me or that i have any duty to obey you. On the other hand perhaps you just didn't know that. Perhaps you thought that the best way to bag your own submissive was to show them and the world just how dominant you can be with any lowly submissive you come across... It doesn't really work like that.

If i'm single or in a relationship with no D/s elements i'll decide what i do, how i do it and all the other things in my life. If i'm online or in the real world, i'll address people politely (unless they give me reason not to) but not with honorifics they've decided to give themself or that they think they deserve from me over other people because of how i interact in some relationships. This isn't to say you can't ask me things, or ask me to do things. This could, could, be the start of something wonderful. So if you ask me if i'd mind calling you sir, my answer might be 'yes'. However, if my answer is 'no' this doesn't mean i'm not submissive. This means i'm... Submissive, but not your submissive.

If i'm in a club and you'd like to play with me, then asking me nicely with good manners and pleases and thank yous might mean i'll play. If i do decide to play then i might want a stopword, or i might request you don't use a certain implement or that you avoid a certain area of my body. This doesn't mean i'm frigid. This doesn't mean i'm a tease. This doesn't even mean i can't be, as i might claim, submissive. It just means i might be... Submissive, but not your submissive.

If i'm in a relationship, then please know there are certain things i may have to do, certain things i might not be allowed to do and either of these facts might stop me doing something you'd prefer me to, but hey, you already know where this is headed, cos you know, i'm submissive but not your submissive.

The long and short of it is a message to subs and doms:

Subs, it's fine to say no. It's fine to have a voice. It's fine to swear and wear jeans and think some people are not for you and flirt and do ANYTHING that you want. Your label is about the relationships you want, not person you have to be for everyone.

Doms, it's fine to ask. It's fine to have wants and requirements and needs. It's fine to approach people who identify as submissive and it's fine to even ask them things. It's not fine to make them feel uncomfortable, or to demand things from people you're not in a relationship with. It's not fine to shame people who don't do as you want or accuse them of being disingenuous about being a submissive.

Most of all, remember that submissive doesn't mean YOUR submissive.