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ONLY INTERESTED IN THOSE ALREADY RESIDING IN PERTH, WESTERN AUSTRALIA, not interested in online relationships - been there done that.
I'm comfortable where I'm at, at this moment, and that is exploring the polyside of myself with some wonderful people.
Though I am still looking for that female relationship that will allow me to have that balance that I am looking for, but it does not need to be a D/s relationship.
I'm slowly coming back out to play. So soon I'll be back out topping only in needle play and cuttings as for me this is an outlet for creativity, BUT I also like being on the other side too. I AM NOT A DOMME OR MISTRESS.
Whilst I am happy to play with others that show skill in play scenario's, any sexual interaction will be extremely limited as the sexual aspect of myself is limited to those that I have a connection with and Trust.
I'm one of those people that doesn't pick up on subtleties when directed at myself and yet can see them everywhere else, so if your interested in play etc, then be blunt and tell me, otherwise I'll never guess it :)
I am an introvert, so I do need time out away from people to recharge my batteries after socialising in big crowds.
Now I'm not just all about BDSM, but I find life much easier having fellow kinksters as friends, and it makes dinner conversation very interesting.
Outside of BDSM I enjoy, photography, patchwork, reading, movies etc but also making my own toys for play.
If you would like to chat send me a message, however do not send a friend request.
Friends are ONLY added once I have met people in person and feel that we have things in common, other then just BDSM.
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So this last year i have come up with the following;
To the prospective Sadistic Sensitive Dominant
- Will you understand me, before trying to change me?
- Will you allow me, my opinion when you don’t agree?
- Will you accept my laughter as well as my tears?
- Will you rejoice in my happiness and comfort my fears?
- Will you provide me a balance of physical pleasure and pain?
- Will you raise my self esteem, or erode it for personal again?
- Will you allow me, my spiritual journey to find me?
- Will you remember my friends are still important to me?
- Will you always have my best interests at heart?
- Will you respect my limits and fears, or break me apart?
- Will you promise not to punish me in anger or frustration?
- Will you take a scalpel and cut my skin, so that i can feel your love burn within?
- Will you help me to grow, and to express myself?
- When i am open, fragile, scared and instability shows, will you remember this is all new to me and help me to grow?
- Will you promise not to open me and leave me exposed, and the cut me loose when instability shows?
- When my own darkness creeps in and takes a hold, will you be my light out of that hole?
- When i'm lost, confused and feeling alone in the dark, will it be your voice that touches my heart?
- Will you explain when i don't understand, even if it is again and again?
- Give me an inch and i will take a mile thus will you command within this lifestyle?
- Will you take me in hand, when i push you too far?
- i am willful, stubborn and strong, will you remember these traits aren't necessarily wrong?
- Will you be too proud to admit that you can be wrong?
- Will you take the time to talk to me?
- Do you promise to be honest with me?
- Will you be as open as you expect me to be?
- Will you let me sit at your feet, with love and devotion?
- Will you let me serve you with all that i can, or leave me floundering and not understand?
- Will you allow me, my rituals and let me worship you?
- Will you be proud of me or hide me away?
- Will you let me love you or push me away?
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i want to try
- Arm Binders
- Artistic Cutting (Watch me play and you'll understand why i love this even with salt and lime juice. Will be having that again. Why? Because it has an OMG factor)
- Bare bottom spanking (Done, would do again)
- Bare handed spanking (Done)
- BDSM
- Biting (Love it, love it, love it. Get the hint. Do it right and you can have me falling at your feet)
- Blindfolds (Love it)
- Body Paint
- Bondage
- Boot Blacking (Not a fan of it. Can't bring myself to spit on someones shoes when they're on their feet)
- Breast Bondage (seems this is another one to add to the list of Yes)
- Breast Spanking (and this one too)
- Breast Whipping (undecided yet as to what i think of that)
- Candle Wax (Done - nice feeling)
- Caressing (Hell Yes)
- Cell Popping (will have to have someone else do this next time, but that could end up on the list of definite too)
- Collars
- Collar and Lead/Leash (Done & am doing training with Ebil One)
- Corsets (think they're fantastic)
- Crying (not a big fan of crying, even more so in public)
- Cuddles (Love my cuddles)
- Cupping (Done – the old style are so much more gentle than the nasty little suckers that have the vacuum pump)
- D/s (would do again in heartbeat)
- Discipline
- Domination
- Fetnights (are oh so fun)
- Flirting (who doesn't like flirting, especially with the girls)
- Flogging (Done – Love it)
- Gloves
- Hair pulling (Done – Oh so yum, more more more please)
- Handcuffs (jury is still out on this one)
- Human Furniture (as in be a table, but still with mind intact)
- Ice Cubes (now i love cold things so this doesn't usually get the expected reaction)
- Impact Play (Done – love this play)
- Kissing (how can you not love kissing)
- Kneeling
- Knife Play (oh WOW....yep i'll be having more of that, very HOT)
- Leather
- Leaving marks (i like my marks after play)
- Lesbian Domination
- Light Bondage
- Massages (but only if your good at it)
- Mind Fucks
- Needle play (woo hoo 95 needles in the back almost the same buzz as cutting, but stay away from my nipples and clit with those. my eyes are watering just thinking about it)
- Obedience Training
- Paddling
- Pain (Done – and so into it)
- Pegging
- Pinching
- Power Exchange (i like this more so in a D/s)
- Restraints
- Riding Crops
- Rituals
- Role Play
- Scarf bondage
- Scent
- Scratching (Done – oh so yum, more please)
- Seduction
- Sensation Play (Done – nice for something different)
- Sensual Play
- Snuggling (How can you not like snuggling)
- Spanking (Done – interesting, haven’t made a definitive decision)
- Submission (very much like)
- Subspace (Done – nice place to be)
- Switching (Done - i work better in tandem with either a Switch or Dom/me)
- Touching (ah yes please, neck, shoulder blades, down the spine)
- Velvet
- Voyeurism (watching)
- Wartenberg Pinwheels (Done – not really my thing, fingernails work better)
- Whipping (Done – want more)
i would like to work towards trying at a later date
- Gags
- OTK spanking
- Rope Bondage/Suspension
- Saran Wrap
- Self Bondage
- Sensory Deprivation
- Shibari
- Speech Restrictions
- Suspension Bondage
- Ten Unit
i would be interested in having more info about
- Chakra Energy Play
- Energy Play
- Eye contact restrictions
- Fire Play (high safety issues)
- Food play
- Interrogation (oral questioning only)
- Mental Bondage
- Military interrogation
- Predicament Bondage
- Sensual Domination
- Spiritual BDSM
- Vampires
- Voice Play
i'm also interested in the following
- Art Erotica
- Bondage Art
- Erotic Photography
- Erotic Literature
Yes i have sexual side too, but i'm not so keen about making what interests me public. So message if you like. But sexual play will be limited to those special people, that understand where i'm coming from and have a bit of patience.
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Whilst I have not been collared or a submissive to another since March 2010, I thought it was time to post the essay I was asked to write before my first collaring for within it contains the truth of who I am, where I am coming from and why I am still here looking for another to call Sir.
I still have a long way to go to undo the defense mechanisms that have been in place for years. I still struggle to trust others, and push those way when I need them most, because I don't trust that they will be there when I need them, so I handle things by myself.
I can honestly say that it was that the most honest and intimate relationship I have had. For the first time I did trust someone to see all aspects of me. I felt safe, protected and nurtured in the presence of another. I also felt scared, vulnerable and fragile, with my emotions reeking havoc on my rational mind, BUT I did learn a lot about me, and hence am willing to trust an other and continue on this journey to learn more about myself and others.
Essay one - Collaring
What Collaring means to you?
The collaring of a bottom, submissive or slave has a variety of meanings dependent on those involved from only for playtime through to a commitment equivalent and equal to that of marriage. My own understanding of collaring is such.
There is the collaring during playtime only, thus the balance of power and control and roles that each party plays starts and ends as soon as the play session is finished. There is no significant commitment by each of the parties to the other, and once play is ended they are free to return to those aspects of self that govern there everyday life.
Next, the agreement of collaring between those that feel there is a connection in which they wish to explore, this is no longer collaring just when playing. It is a time when each makes the effort to understand the needs, wants and expectations of the other person. The dynamics of the relationship are tested and spread further than just the realm of play and each party is learning and understanding there role in a D/s relationship.
Lastly, the significance of collaring that is intended for a lifetime, the same in which marriage vows were intended to hold. Each party understands there role, and feels that the other is able to provided them what they need and want. The balance of power and control is understood, and each has accepted their part in how this translates within there own relationship.
However, I see collaring as an agreement between too, that exceeds that of just role playing within a scene. It is the willingness to Trust and provide the opportunity for another to give that of themselves that the other party needs. To accept what is given is an exchange within itself, for one party to be willing to give, the other to receive. A flow of energy between two parties, that enables each to be better than who they are as individuals. The yin and the yang, a balancing act to ensure that both parties needs are meet.
I say need, not want, as they are very different, to meet someone’s underlying need provides them the opportunity for growth, it is at the core of there being. Something that once fulfilled alters us permanently. A want is something that we can chose to have or not have, but is not life essential to our growth.
I do not subscribe to the belief that a collar can not be removed should you have entered into an agreement to that similar to marriage. Whilst one hopes that a relationship will not end, we as a human species continue to evolve and learn and with that, our needs and wants change. Some will be lucky to have a partner that grows with them, others do not, and that is usually when its time to part ways, and continue on our journey alone. Everything comes to an end, even the relationships we form, once there purpose has come to fruition.
The agreement of the How it relates to us as a partnership?
Neither of us can be a Dominant or a submissive fully without the other. Within all partnerships it requires the recognition of each persons strengths and weaknesses, and an understanding of how together they can work for the benefit of both.
The difference is that for the D/s relationship to work we must be polar opposites. One willing to give up power and control, the other willing to take it, but with underlying beliefs and values that both share for the partnership to work harmoniously, with a balance of give and take.
I believe the principles are the same as above for us, however, we are both in agreement that our families come first, that is your wife and my children are our greatest concerns and this partnership second. It’s not that it doesn’t have its own importance, merely that there needs exceed our own. Therefore, we not only have to work harmoniously together as partnership, but also work to ensure that it does not cause ill effect on our families. So a balancing act for which we are both responsible and a maintaining of set boundaries, which are yet to be negotiated.
How you mean to grow from this experience?
To be able to learn not just to Trust Sir, but to trust others as well, to undo a lifetime of learning, would be the most incredible and worthwhile journey possible.
I realise there will be challenges and fears that I will have to face, but to do so and overcome them, well that in itself is both a learning and growing experience.
Lastly, I am aware that my mind, body and spirit are not connected at this time. They have been out of alignment for years, and I wish to reconnect with all three aspects. Not individually but collectively.
Within the world of BDSM, it requires that all 3 work together to complete the experience.
Sir has already provided me with the opportunity to feel the effects of sensations on my physical body, which has lulled the mind into peaceful quietness, and allowed the spirit to sore (that which is similar to meditation). Leaving me feeling content and relaxed to the core of my being.
Why you would want me to collar you?
Now to the hard part, the WHY I want Sir to collar me. Sir already knows that if it where anyone else than I would have declined and probably not very tactfully told them they had the wrong girl. For collaring is about Trust and commitment to me. I can handle commitment, I did when I was married, regardless of the fact that I married for the wrong reasons.
Trust is a slippery word, it means giving that of yourself, and being open to the possibility of being hurt. It is a word used far too often to manipulate or deceive people, for an others own intentions. Am I cynical? Absolutely. I have trusted others to be there for me emotionally, spiritually, physically. To believe that they will not intentionally put in me harms way in relation to the above, but it has not been the case. I have had it reinforced that to have needs allows others to hurt you. It is why I now trust people within my acceptable boundaries. Boundaries, that should that person let me down, I am still capable of picking myself up, burying the hurt and moving forward. It comes from being a survivor, though it is a mind set that I wish to change.
I have continued to work on myself and my issues, it has been a long process with lots of hard work. Why, because I want better than what I have. I want to be the best person I can be. Don’t get me wrong, I like my life, I have fought hard to have the life that I have and I like those people that are in it. But I realise that my past actions and beliefs, prevented me from enriching my life further and hence the need to adapt/change.
It was only this year that I decided that I need to work on my relationships with others and the level of trust I afford them. I have people that have stood by me, through so much over the last 9 years, and yet I still am unable to let them in and see the real me. To do so, requires trust that they won’t turn me away.
I have discovered in my counseling sessions that I do have needs, and that I want them to be met by someone other than myself. I want to be able to feel safe, protected, nurtured, and valued within the presence of another.
I asked from that of above to help me to learn to Trust, to find at least one person in which I can be me. Who, will accept me as I am, and won’t turn me away, because I fail to meet their definition of me, and it seems that
Sir is that answer.
A list of reasons of why I choose Sir
- Sir is aware that we make our own choices and that each carries consequences,
- That there is something greater than ourselves,
- He takes his own spiritual development seriously and has a sense of wisdom greater than that of his chronological age
- He has values such as loyalty, honesty and integrity, and they are not just given lip service. Sir believes in those qualities and I have seen that in action.
- Understands the role of Dominant is one of responsibility for the welfare of another.
- That He take the role of Dominant seriously, and does not wish to do harm
- I have no defenses against Sir. Sir is able to see that which I truly am, not what I have had to become, and is willing to protect and nurture that self, to give me the freedom to grow and develop that side of me.
- Because Sir brings with him a sense of calm when he enters my world. He allows me to surrender all that is and place it on his shoulders to carry, until I have to leave his presence. But his sense of calmness continues with me and allows me to deal with my world.
- I can’t deny that there is a sense of trust with Sir that I have not felt before, and with that a willingness to give up control so that I can connect and learn about the self that has been hidden.
So with all that has been laid bare on these pages, I hope that it gives the insight that Sir was looking for.
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