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About sakidorei
My closest girlfriend (vargagirl here on CM) who is brand new to the lifestyle, and i have entered into a relationship with the same Master. We are owned by Him. Yes, He is a Master from CM. i trust, admire, and respect Him and believe strongly that in time we will form a very healthy and fulfilling poly union.
You ask why sometimes I say stop why sometimes I cry no while I shake with pleasure. What do I fear, you ask, why don't I always want to come and come again to that molten deep sea center where the nerves fuse open and the brain and body shine with a black wordless light fluorescent and heaving like plankton.
If you turn over the old refuse of sexual slang, the worn buttons of language, you find men talk of spending and women of dying.
You come in a torrent and ease into limpness. Pleasure takes me farther and farther from the shore in a series of breakers, each towering higher before it crashes and spills flat.
I am open then as a palm held out, open as a sunflower, without crust, without shelter, without skin, hideless and unhidden. How can I let you ride so far into me and not fear?
Helpless as a burning city, how can I ignore that the extremes of pleasure are fire storms that leave a vacuum into which dangerous feelings (tenderness, affection, l o v e) may rush like gale force winds. -marge percy
Original profile post: i am attracted to intelligence and i crave a slavery that is above all, active and challenging to mind and soul, as well as body.
i am recently out of a 2 year+ M/s relationship with a fantastic Master and trying to find my bearings again. i am not sure exactly what i am looking for, i am just sure that i miss the lifestyle and getting to interact with those of a like mind. If nothing else, i crave intensive intellectual discourse with those who -get- me as opposed to those who think this lifestyle is one of abuse and degredation in unhealthy and damaging ways.
i am not a doormat nor do i think that i am deserving of abusive or subhuman treatment. i am not consumed with self loathing and i am not using this lifestyle to affirm negative self concepts. i understand that a good slave is a highly self actualized individual who has the courage to fight the tide of current societal consciousness and embrace her needs rather than deny them. i believe that our current culture is highly emasculating which causes men to feel enormous pressure to give up their biological imperatives for power. It also forces women to behave as masculine combatants instead of the feminine animals we were created to be.
i am perfectly capable of existing without a Master to mold and guide me. i am financially independent and well educated. i simply seek more than existence and i understand that for me, a full life ... a life worth living involves the power exchange elements of M/s. Kink can be found anywhere if one looks hard enough. However ... M/s is a concept ... a symbiotic relationship that few can truly understand and appreciate. |
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Most of the time i love being a woman ... i love being weaker ... i love being vulnerable ... i love being part of the more -fragile- sex ... and yes ... i know that offends some people to bits ... but it's my perspective so ... no worries, it doesn't have to be yours.
Like i said ... most of the time i love it ... and i love strong Men ... i love Their Power ... Their physical force ... and Their mental force. i love Their lack of fear ... Their confidence. i love Their protectiveness ... Their courage. i glory in it ... and don't wish to compete with it ... aside from wanting to win an occassional thumb fight ... i don't want to win ... i love being conquered ... physically, emotionally, mentally ...
but tonight ... i wish ... i wish so badly that i were 6' or more with advanced martial arts degrees or just a serious ability to be Bravo Alpha (BadASS) ... i wish for just 10 mins i could teleport and BE the MAN ...
for my new friend ... i know there is no comfort ... but this is sorta what i wish i could say to Him if i could be a Man for a few moments ...
Bodies -Drowning Pool
Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the.... floor!!! Beaten why for (why for) can't take much more
here we go, here we go, here we go now One - Nothing wrong with me Two - Nothing wrong with me Three - Nothing wrong with me Four - Nothing wrong with me One - Something's got to give Two - Something's got to give Three - Something's got to give Now!!!
Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the Floor!!! Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the Floor!!!! Now!!! Rush me again This is the end
here we go, here we go, here we go now One - Nothing wrong with me Two - Nothing wrong with me Three - Nothing wrong with me Four - Nothing wrong with me One - Something's got to give Two - Something's got to give Three - Something's got to give Now!!!
Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the Floor!!! Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Skin against skin blood and bone You're all by yourself but you're not alone You wanted in an' now you're here Driven by hate consumed by fear
Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the FLOOR!!!
One - Nothing wrong with me Two - Nothing wrong with me Three - Nothing wrong with me Four - Nothing wrong with One - Something's got to give Two - Something's got to give Three - Something's got to give Now!!!
Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the Floor!!! Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor
Boy i wish Master were here ... ~sighs~
~saki |
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if i didn't have the marks i'd swear that i just woke up ... guess it was appropriate for it to rain today ... good tear cover at least. At any rate ... i'm back in NC ...
redemption? maybe ... i just know ... He's my ride home ...
~saki |
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... heading out this afternoon to Georgia for a few days ... there's some serious trepidation there but ... i'm hopeful that all will be well and the time will be not only productive in my own learning but will be cathartic and redemptive in the way that only the physical can bring. i desperately need some redemption right now. So ... why am i already trembling and i'm not even on the plane yet? ~soft laugh~
~saki |
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damn this fucking foolish pride i'm bleeding out this pain inside
unforgiving hand fisting my heart squeezing every vital part
can't actualize what i want most trapped inside this unforgiving host
primal screams don't touch this ache no way to just retaliate
the fate of those on bended knee stares accusingly, points right at me
when all i want is to be the best there's no safe place for me to rest
forces pushing me to run sure my mind has come undone
no maps or lighthouses to point the way i never knew i'd see this day
surrounding me with songs of travail now i taste what it's like to fail ~saki |
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compass?
northstar?
plumeline?
map?
lighthouse?
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?Poetry is the journal of a sea animal living on land, wanting to fly in the air? ~Carl Sandburg
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea. ~Isak Dinesen
The voice of the sea speaks to the soul. The touch of the sea is sensuous, enfolding the body in its soft, close embrace. ~Kate Chopin
"Water is sometimes sharp and sometimes strong, sometimes acid and sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet and sometimes thick or thin, sometimes it is seen bringing hurt or pestilence, sometime health-giving, sometimes poisonous. It suffers change into as many natures as are the different places through which it passes. And as the mirror changes with the colour of its subject, so it alters with the nature of the place, becoming noisome, laxative, astringent, sulfurous, salty, incarnadined, mournful, raging, angry, red, yellow, green, black, blue, greasy, fat or slim. Sometimes it starts a conflagration, sometimes it extinguishes one; is warm and is cold, carries away or sets down, hollows out or builds up, tears or establishes, fills or empties, raises itself or burrows down, speeds or is still; is the cause at times of life or death, or increase or privation, nourishes at times and at others does the contrary; at times has a tang, at times is without savor, sometimes submerging the valleys with great floods. In time and with water, everything changes." ~Leonardo da Vinci
My soul is full of longing For the secret of the Sea, And the heart of the great ocean Sends a thrilling pulse through me.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), The Secret of the Sea |
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the warmth of His hand ...
so a few moments of quiet are upon me finally ? well, relative quiet ? Blue October is my faithful companion again tonight ? ~soft smile~ i find myself very needy tonight ? introspective and filled with longing ? it?s not a bad feeling ? just the reality of a slave girl i suppose. Still ? i find myself hungering to the point of tears to feel the warmth of His hand on mine again. Such a simple thing ? i know. Nothing so exotic or erotic necessarily ? certainly nothing earthshaking or profound in and of itself. Just the touch of His hand ? would be worth more right now to me than all the gold on earth.
He has the warmest hands i?ve ever felt ? the most profoundly comforting touch i?ve ever encountered and that itself causes my breath to catch and the tears to slip down my cheeks. Could i ever get enough of His touch ? just slipping along my fingers or wrist while we talk or laugh or just -connect-? His touch is both unnerving and my ride home and i know that makes no sense to anyone else really. His heat is so ? alive ? just short of feverish ? and it reveals so much more about Him than i can ever explain ? if you haven?t felt it ? you just don?t know. i guess the question i most fear tonight is ? having been touched by Him ? how is one to ever ever live without feeling it again? What if tommorrow comes and there is no hope of that touch? Where would i be? What does one -do- after His touch if you are denied it ever again? This is fear to me now.
~saki |
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making a bullet ...
view to the conquering on trembling knees her will to resist slipping by inch degrees biting her lip to hold back helpless pleas realizing now, He holds all the keys.
His ears deaf to her muted cries stiffled by slaps from His meaty thighs the walls seem to echo her helpless sighs His Mastery unquestioned, no ethereal disguise.
writhing beneath His powerful frame too delirious with ecstacy to consider the shame she's falling so fast with no one else to blame she knows beyond question this is really no game.
thick muscles flexing taut with each grunting thrust her mind in a fog uncomprehending this much trust her body quaking ... can't hold this lust tempo building in her, no room for disgust.
sweat and pleasure mingling as forbidden perfume heady aroma pooling to fill the room her senses reeling as His essence consumes beyond caring any more if this signals her doom.
salty tears and wanton begs for more, more, more bursting unbidden while He claims her core trembling and jerking, she claws at the floor realizing the inescapable, she is truly His whore. ~saki |
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It never ceases to amaze me how people read into another's words exactly the very worst of a situation in order to glean fodder for their own judgements and assumptions. i just read a journal here on cm that addresses my previous entry about an experience last week of going out to dinner with my Master. ~laughs~
The -gentleman- who choose to pontificate on my entry was lavish in His condemnation of my Master as being substandard, lacking in confidence and basically presented Him as a poseur assh***. Wow ... i'll skip my own assessment of this -gentleman-'s abilities to read between the lines and arrive at some really baseless assumptions and simply address His salient points of error.
Sir ... You are highly mistaken if You think that my Master's motivation or my own esteem over our evening had any thing to do with being impressed with expensive drinks and obnoxious or "pushy" behavior. At no point did i indicate that He was attempting to "dom" the waitstaff ... in fact, to the contrary ... i don't think i have EVER been out with anyone more warm, respectful and engaging with waitstaff at a fine dining establishment.
i hold not a single iota of respect for someone who mistreats or talks down to people who are in the service industry undeservedly. It's crass ... it's unnecessary and it speaks very poorly of the asshat who is behaving in such a manner.
i am not sure where in my entry having exacting standards or high expectations of quality translated into Him behaving in an abhorrent or rude manner with the waitstaff ... however Your dive over the cliff of this conclusion could not be more misplaced. This might come as a shock but ... having high standards for quality does not translate into being a jerk to those who wait on you.
i said that His expectations increased as the evening progressed ... i didn't say His behavior grew colder, nastier or boorish. He was one of the most gracious dinner guests i've ever seen which did in fact impress me, because so few people in the world understand that you can have exacting standards and expectations of service without being a complete cad. He has the class and refinement to navigate having His own specifications met while still bringing respectful dignity and enjoyment to those in service to Him.
In fact, many people at the bar and in the dining area knew my Master by name and were exceedingly happy to see Him. Several people not waiting on us stopped by His table to speak to Him ... offer Christmas best wishes or simply to meet me. They laughed and were clearly warm with Him ... and it was obvious in His consults with them that they felt valued and respected. He was generous in His praise of the food and spirits without being efflusive and He was certainly generous with the gratuities ... both the bar and dining sides.
Now maybe it's just me but if i am going to spend almost $400 on a meal for two people ... my drinks will be high quality ... my service will be notable ... my food will be stellar or ... i won't be happy. This doesn't mean that i have to be a jerk about it but frankly ... you want substandard ... you go to Wendy's. You want quality and service ... you pay for it and you should be able to expect it without being a pompous boor about it.
As to the statement that anyone needing to get high to be a Top is a loser ... ~laughs~ ummm i didn't say we went to a play party or that we were in a private dungeon. We retired to a suite at the Crowne Plaza Ravinia for time with friends and intimacy. Everything in my life isn't about play parties or scenes or -lifestyle- interaction. This was a SOCIAL evening and as a social evening ... enjoying drinks and conversaton and service are entirely desireable activities.
Now since You Sir, indicate that You essentially want to keep a girl in a cage and offer her a life "that awaits you is painful & humiliating, your body and mind will be used for despicable things" ... perhaps You can't understand or even appreciate the finer nuances of dining and socializing. Perhaps scotch tasting or wine service or choice cuts of beef just aren't in the realm of Your reality ... however ... they have absolutely NOTHING to do with being a poor top ... though He is not my top ... He is my Master.
You made the rather bizarre statement : If he does not own any slaves he is not a "Master". He's a wanabe. Sir if You are going to attempt to discredit, shred, or pontificate on someone's entry ... it might pay to actually read the thing in it's entirity first. My Master DOES own slaves ... He owns several in fact ... that would include me.
You further indicated that i should know that BDSM sex and alcohol do not mix but that a drink or two to loosen up is fine ... just not to the point of being obnoxious with the waitstaff and then go have BDSM sex. Again not only did i not indicate that i had BDSM sex that night ... i find it amusing that You want to be righteously indignant over the alcohol thing with play. A drink or two for one slave may be a loosener and to another could be disasterous Sir.
In my world ... drinking and true BDSM play do NOT mix ... at all. If i am going to be involved in bondage, painplay, or other avenues of kink then i do not choose to drink at all. It isn't safe and i don't really see a drink limit on that ... being altered in mind and body with an alternative substance hinders my experience in the -scene- and i don't need it nor want it. However this doesn't mean that i can't enjoy great sex with my Master after a few drinks if He so chooses ... not every intimate encounter has to include shibari and a cage.
"ABUSER?" ~laughs~ Yeah right Sir ... perhaps You feel the need to flout such a term because Your own profile is a textbook example of redlight warnings to many people and You'd like to share the accusation around with others? It's lonely in that type of judgement seat isn't it Sir?
i fail to see how taking one's slave out for a fantastic night of fine spirits, food, and service is abusive. i fail to see how expecting good service, quality goods and being observant of my manners and the service of others is abusive. i fail to see how offering someone education in an area that they are unversed is abusive. i fail to see how treating someone like a complete lady while not diminishing your own expectations is abusive. Perhaps the abusive part is that You don't think it's worth Your time or effort to cultivate a girl's experiences or life past the reach of Your crop?
While i appreciate a good public service announcement from -concerned- Doms as well as the next woman ... You obviously are incapable of relating to a 'nilla world in the most general of terms. You are quick to make grossly inacccurate assumptions and judgements which is really a shame because i found some rather intriguing things presented in Your profile that i actually enjoyed considering. Now i find that most likely i can't take You seriously as a viable voice because Your slant on reality just isn't very balanced.
Not only did my Master not have to ply me with drinks or feed my drugs to get into my pants ... that was far from the point of my post. As with all public posts take from it what You will but really Sir, i would have thought that at Your age, You would be a bit better at accurately reading and understanding without Your own personal need to editorialize and re-write reality. The post was about how a social, nilla evening even reflects His pace and tastes WITHIN M/s. It was about understanding patience and high standards in a Master. Meh ... it was about many things ... none of which You were able to ascertain from my post.
~saki
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Just because it bears repeating!
It is difficult sometimes to be a peacemaker owned by a Warrior.~saki |
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Lessons from Master
i was thinking today about a night spent this past week with Master and what i learned about Him during the time we spent ... and i realized that His approach to a deeply enjoyable evening out is much like His approach to M/s and in specific His approach to slaves in general who will be serving Him.
The evening started at the hotel bar for drinks. He was casual ... not very picky about His own drink but paying studious attention to what i ordered. The quality of His drink wasn't particularly important at this stage of the late afternoon ... He just enjoyed a nice beer and some good down time conversation.
i changed for dinner while He made some business calls, then called for the valet. He was more meticulous at this point about service ... both at the hotel and restaurant. Once we entered the restaurant His expectations of the service He recieved were amped up considerably. He gave very very specific requests and instructions of the bartender for a particular type of single malt scotch served a particular way. At $35 a glass ... it was heady stuff but His taste is clearly discriminating.
He further requested more of the same scotch served a different way so that He could take the time to instruct me in the art of scotch tasting. He took His time. He delayed our dinner in fact so that He would not be rushed in His instructions and my understanding of what He presented. After He was satisfied that i had gleened the lesson ... we were seated in the dining room and listened as the waitstaff described the night's menu.
He took His time in ordering our meal with precise care and lingered in consult with the sommelier to discover the best wine for our selections. Both my more delicate sensibilities and Master's more robust preferences were taken into consideration to find the perfect pairing for our satisfaction. He was in no rush at all.
The wine was decanted and filtered while He waited patiently then tasted again to ensure it was properly to His liking. He enjoyed the grape so much He had the label pulled so that He would be able to reference it again. Our meal was served impeccably and no detail of the service nor the flavors of the food were missed by Him.
Again, He was in no hurry and our conversation was deep and contemplative over the meal whereas earlier it had been lighthearted initially moving to instructive at the bar. After savoring a phenominal meal and the fine drink ... we withdrew to the hotel to meet with friends and further intimacy.
It occured to me today that one single evening with Master is indicative of His entire approach to building an M/s relationship with Him. He takes His time ... and refuses to be hurried by anyone. The importance of quality increases as the evening or relationship progresses ... the cost of spending time with Him becomes greater as one gets closer ... though the goods or relationship gets far richer and more enjoyable with that progression as well. He becomes more exacting in what He wants and is less willing to settle for the standard that was acceptable early in the evening. Only those who pass His rigorous and discriminating standards will be ushered into the inner sanctum of His friends and intimacy.
People rarely enjoy true fine dining ... we are a fast food generation. We don't care if we are drinking Schlitz or Blue Moon ... or $35 scotch. We don't take the time to decant wine or pick the perfect meat to offer us sustainance -- we mostly grab something from McD's with a coke and call it a day. We are in such a hurry to GET to the next place that we don't take the time to savor each part of the build up ... each portion of a night ... each step in our M/s journey. We want to know what is being served for desert before we have finished our cocktails ... we don't want to take the time to sip the vintages ... or linger over the moment. We are always barrelling ahead to what's next.
Life with Master IS a marathon ... it's a fine dining experience ... it's the moment ... not the end result. It's not a 100-yard dash and it's not Jack in the Box. If you don't have time to enjoy the journey and learn the taste of the flavors along the way ... you probably won't make it back to the hotel.
~saki |
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It is difficult sometimes to be a peacemaker owned by a Warrior.
~saki |
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ok so a tasked journal entry of sorts ... i've been having some extensive conversations with Master lately about the -cost- for lack of a better word, of slavery. While i am aware of many views on the subject ... i can only speak with my own experience and understanding. Sooo ... to my thoughts.
Often it's easy to romanticize or idealize the idea of slavery. i mean ... in the right context it's tres sexy ... mysterious ... erotic ... and appealing to many of us. It gives an air of breeched taboo and a nether world of limitless adventure and utter abandon that quickens the feral cat inside ... makes the belly tight and the heart race. It's primal, raw, uninhibited, and total ... with the giving up of rights and in doing so ... responsibilities ... sometimes for our own most base hungers and urges.
The pluses are easy to contemplate ... safety, permission to be the wanton little beast we have to daily contain, a focus for our needs and drives, understanding and acceptance for an internal reality that flies in the face of modern convention, ... the list goes on and on. But the cost ... it's so unattractive to talk about the cost isn't it? We are so hestitant to talk about it because we don't want people to be turned away ... or to judge our kink. We don't want to be mistaken for the abused or the pathetic. We want to assure others of the many positive aspects while sometimes robbing them of some of the core realities in the life of a slave.
The cost - slave realities
You give up the right to speak, ask, demand, manipulate, or structure the relationship once the M/s dynamic is established. He MIGHT listen to You but He doesn't have to ... not as a slave. The choice of the slave ... leave(bottom line in consensual slavery) or stay under HIS rules. i am not going to bother to balance this out with the criteria or the hopeful characteristics of a good Master or else i'll never finish this. It's His choice to give you audience when He wishes it or not at all.
You focus on putting someone else's needs, wants, desires above your own ... then setting out to be obedient and pleasing to bring those desires, needs, and wants to fruition to the very best of your ability. REGARDLESS of your own hurt feelings or grumblings of insecurity or feeling slighted. Unless you don't know what a slave is ... saying that you are a slave or wish to be a slave IS permission for Him to not heed your wants and desires but to fulfill His own through you. (Note: i did not say NEEDS here ... i'll address mutual fulfillment and symbiotic engagement in another entry)
There is a difference between harm and pain ... don't learn it and you'll never be able to navigate M/s. You give up your right to self serving thoughts and pity parties. You give up your right to change the rules and stay in the relationship. You never give up your literal right to leave the relationship but once M/s is in place with a strong Master ... You are His ... you won't change Him and if you can ... did He ever really own you and were you ever really a slave?
You don't enter into an M/s relationship with disclaimers, provisos, or demands. You get to know the Master prior to entering into the relationship and you find out who He is and what He is and you accept that or you don't. You don't engage in hopes of being the one to inspire Him to change His own standards or wants. You quickly learn to celebrate what He loves and enjoys and put a great deal less emphasis on your own selfish feelings of jealousy, self pity, low self esteem.
You understand that you are the submissive part of the equation and as long as you are hoping to change Him instead of focusing on learning Him and learning to love pleasing Him ... you will always be unhappy and fail to please Him.
If you are in a poly relationshp ... your goal isn't to best the other girl or to edge her out. He wants her there ... you adjust or you end up edged out ... not by her but by your own self focus. The success of poly is a group responsibility and as long as there is a self focus of competition and resentment there can't be a unity that works for the BEST of the union rather than self best. You don't sit back with a slave sister and point out what you got that she didn't in a particular encounter ... you both celebrate what He gave you both and together what you were able to give Him.
Conversely ... you don't sit around and focus on what she gets that you don't ... you gratefully focus on what you DO get and how to be the most pleasing you can be in the ways that He allows.
You don't get to decide when you have certain experiences and who happens to be there. This is especially critical in a poly situation. If He determines that you are ready or that He wishes it ... you comply gratefully that He chooses to give you the experience at all.
It does in the end boil down to finding your fulfillment in service to another and that His demands ideally, while challenging you and inspiring growth ... bring that fulfillment. If you feel that you are compromising your dreams or violating your conscience in an M/s relationship ... you aren't in the right one. It's not meant to degrade you to the point that you are miserable ... it's meant to liberate you to be the full slave that you are inside. If you aren't fulfilled ... then it's easy to blame Him and His methods but frankly ... the slave can't afford that perspective if she isn't prepared to leave the relationship. If she intends to stay in the relationship ... again ... she gives up her right to armchair quarterback or complain or resent that things aren't done her way.
If you need things done your way ... if you want the say so over circumstances and activities ... there's no shame in that ... simply realize that it's likely you aren't a slave but rather a submissive and a different sort of man may inspire you to thrive. The other reality MIGHT be though that you really don't -get- it yet and that you will ... in time. The greatest danger in that time table is that many people spend all of that mind time giving themselves affirming pep talks about how right they are and how wrong Master is ... instead of setting their perspectively squarely on addressing their own shortfalls in putting Him first.
bleh ... this is too long and rambling ... i'll have to work on cleaning it up later
~saki |
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Can't scratch the surface Without moving me underneath I bruise easily ... Anyone who can touch you Can hurt you or heal you ~NB
Blossoms of blue blushing into livid deep purples not even thinking yet of fading to yellow greens i already dread their vanishing ~saki
if one day was test, trial & discipline day two was amazing beyond my wildest comprehension ... i am learning to never think i REALLY understand You or know where You are going ... i will always be two steps behind. thank you for both days ... the kind that try and the kind that reward.
Cheers to late checkouts and grits in the afternoon! Uber Bravo Alpha ... and You know poor Monica probably didn't get that menu right the rest of the day thanks to You!
~saki
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Rule 47 for meeting with Master -
Beware your security blankets and phyiscal tells ... they WILL be used against you!
Thanks for giving me my thumbring back Master ... i'd have never been able to navigate the table dancing offer without it!
and yes, that bartender IS my new best friend! "He might be the Man but it's MY bar!" ~laughing~ Actually ... i think i might be in love with Him now. Him or Mr. -You smell amazing- from the hotel ... anybody who's willing to give me their personal cell number just to ensure superior customer service is just dang impressive!
~saki |
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So interesting this boldness of some to scoff or ridicule in private messages. It seems that most of the information that is attacked here on cm in cmail is either 1) obvious ridiculous stuff that is just gross or offensive or 2) the type of information that announces a person is unavailable. Oh say ... ummm collars of consideration for example. Love 'em or hate 'em ... understand 'em or don't but why in the world do those who don't agree with them think they have a corner on the "who's right" market? ~laughs~
If you don't choose to abide by a certain method then ... i'm not likely in the least to contact you and try to diminish you or attack your circumstances simply because they don't mirror mine. So what really is the motive in those who choose to attack the words of a person's journal or profile when they indicate that there is a form of -claim- upon said individual? Baffling really.
A collar of consideration is ONE method that a Master might use in order to establish an early relationship with a potential slave (term slave and Master used here because it's the realm i am focused on). It's unwise and unrealistic in MANY cases to simply dive into a relationship and collar someone quickly when clearly relationships (nilla or M/s) take time to establish and build.
Many people view a collar as a symbol much like a wedding ring or a ceremony denoting a very deep and intensive commitment to another person. Most people don't dive into a marriage after having only met someone 5 or 6 times so why would people dive into a collar committment with someone in that same time frame?
Many opponents of the consideration collar say that it is avoiding committment or avoiding a deeper committment however, unless a person has been wearing a consideration collar for a year or more ... i'd say that, that assertion is absurd. Building an M/s relationship is a painstaking process that involves evolving trust and understanding. It doesn't happen overnight for the VAST majority ... nor should it. If you are in a real time power exchange exploration with someone you know it doesn't progress from zero to sixty in a day. Trust just isn't established that fast ... and it's just not wise.
The consideration collar denotes a understanding between the Master and slave that they are exploring and progressing in their relationship with an interest in furthering it -- nothing more ... nothing less. If you see that a person is under consideration that means that both parties have decided to enter into a period of learning and growth ... looking towards a potential long term committment to each other.
Unfortunately for those who like to prowl ... yes, that means that said slave isn't likely going to send you nudie pics, cyber you, or just up and begin engaging in that same exploration process with you. You might not call it a collar of consideration ... but most all sane people have a -time to get to know you- curve and well ... if you didn't get to her in time ... someone else is already delving into that possibility with her.
i have to question all those well meaning -Masters- who feel the need to correct the error of a slave's ways or question the methods of a Master who has placed a slave under consideration. i personally find it hard to see the -concern- of the third party as benevolent or altruistic ... it frankly just smacks of sour grapes. i mean ... what's the plan/hope/intention ... that she will suddenly -see the light- and drop the guy who has made a formal move to place her under consideration and move on to "YOU" who will do what -- promise her the moon and slap a collar on her sight unseen? Riiiiightttt!
It is shocking how many well meaning and magnanimous Gentlemen there are here on CM who are very quick to be ready to save us poor little girls from our huge mistakes and instead wish to lure us into a situation with another who obviously doesn't honor or understand etiquette or protocol. i mean ... when someone ASKS for advice or indicates that they are confused that's one thing but when all of this well meaning advice comes unsolicited with YOUR special voice of authority ... it just seems like a really weak attempt to undermine an already progressing relationship. It says far more about the third party than a respectful and established status indicator of -under consideration- says about the involved Master.
But hey ... good luck ... hope that works for ya! |
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heading out to spend some family time for the holidays ... Happy Thanksgiving Ya'll!
~saki |
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A very wise friend said to me yesturday - "You know, it takes two to tango". i've heard the phrase many times but i decided to look up some information about the tango ... fascinating how it can relate to my M/s journey.
Some tidbits about the tango:
Argentine tango has been thrilling dancers for more than 100 years. Tango is loved by dancers and audiences for its beauty, passion, drama and excitement. Learning to dance tango socially is based on improvisational movement and respecting both your partner and the other dancers on the floor. The essence of Argentine tango is about life and, especially, about the relationship between a man and a woman. Graciela Gonzales, a leading tango instructor, calls the dance "the history of love?for three minutes."
The exact origins of tango?both the dance and the word itself?are lost in myth and an unrecorded history. The generally accepted theory is that in the mid-1800s, African slaves were brought to Argentina and began to influence the local culture. The word "tango" may be straightforwardly African in origin, meaning "closed place" or "reserved ground." Or it may derive from Portuguese (and from the Latin verb tanguere, to touch) and was picked up by Africans on the slave ships. Whatever its origin, the word "tango" acquired the standard meaning of the place where African slaves and free blacks gathered to dance.
Argentine tango is an improvisational dance based on the four building blocks of walking, turning, stopping and embellishments. The dance is like a puzzle that gets put together differently each time. Women and men bring their own styles and embellishments to the dance which contribute significantly to the excitement and unpredictability of the experience. Even though dancers follow certain conventions, they never quite know how someone will construct a dance, add an embellishment or interpret the music. The surprises possible within the dance are what make the dance so addicting. It really does take two to tango, because the dance isn't just about the man leading and the woman following. Both partners have important things to contribute?like all good conversations.
Tango is a dance you create on the fly with another person. It isn't about memorized steps that go together the same way every time. This is one of the most beautiful aspects of tango and is the one that makes the dance endlessly interesting.
In Argentina, men ask women to dance with a look?a certain glance, movement of the head toward the dance floor or smile that says, "Dance with me?" This can take place from far across the room if the right eyes are caught. If a woman wants to accept a dance with a man, she smiles back and (most important) keeps looking at him while he approaches her. The slightest glance away is usually interpreted as meaning "I've changed my mind and don't want to dance."
Tango developed in Argentina during a time of social uncertainty and fear, it was, and still is, a safe way to connect to the soul of another person. The connection I had felt from the tango dancers of my childhood was what I desired, but also feared. When Carlos and Maria Rivarola were here Maria told me ?You are the best dancer here, but you are cowardly.? Several people, imagining that my feelings would be hurt tried to make me feel better by explaining that she did not speak English well and must have meant something else. I had felt the tinge of her disdain. I knew she meant cowardly. I was letting my fear of connecting to the soul of another person rule my dance.
Soon after that I had a very profound experience. I was dancing with Olga at Café Perugino. I was not dancing very well, but in an instant I experienced myself going right through Olga?s soul to the consciousness that creates the universe. Then Rebecca finally broke the curse I had placed on myself. She grew exasperated with me for not really paying attention to her. Tango is not a technical exercise. When I finally summoned enough courage to touch her soul the experience broke apart my ability to filter out the souls of others, and for a time I was consumed by experiencing the suffering of strangers. I have regained some equilibrium, and I am now learning to dance with the soul of my partner, and perhaps to touch their connection to the infinite?. Maybe someday I?ll be able to figure out where our feet are supposed to go."
After considering how life is composed of interconnected elements and distinguishing how tango needs to be in the present, in its own mental place, we each took the time to relearn how to physically and mentally commit and connect to our partner.
Followers, do not backlead. Not only does it make leading more difficult, but it also makes it more difficult for the leader to avoid collisions.
Look to have progress in your own dance. If things feel the same as last year, it is because you haven't worked deep enough and you are missing the beauty of getting a deep connection with your partner.
Relax. If you chase tango too hard, you will never catch it. Slow down, breathe and let tango catch you. Tango is more of a feeling than a dance. If you work too hard, think too hard, try too hard, you'll miss the feel.
Relax and remember tango should be fun. You can't hide anything in tango (if you're doing it right!) If you are nervous or upset, your partner will feel it. If you are working too hard, it will be impossible to connect properly with your partner. Let the music be your guide.
Argentine Tango isn?t about your feet, it?s about all of you and your partner ? spirit, mind and body.
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Ayamachitewa aratamuruni habakaru koto nakare. If you make a mistake don't hesitate to correct it.
Mime yori kokoro. Heart rather than appearance.
Nana korobi, ya oki. To fall 7 times to rise 8 times.
Sugitaru wa nao oyobazaru ga gotoshi. Let what is past flow away downstream.
Iwanu ga hana. Not speaking is the flower.
The deeper the waters are, the more still they run.
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Getting past the mind ... getting past the need to process, rationalize, understand, and dissect ... to a place of obedience and acceptance ... possible? |
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In a typical bondage, one is cared for, nourished, sheltered, nurtured, protected, and often loved. Certainly one is, at least, desired and lusted for. How many wives, I wonder, are lusted for. One respects wives; one lusts for slaves; wives are free, and are to be treated with dignity and circumspection; slaves are owned, and are suitable objects to be put to one's pleasure.
The wife consents, if she feels like it, and is so inclined; the slave obeys. The wife may dole out her favors by carefully measured spoonfuls, like medicine, in a regimen designed to reduce and torment, and thus to control, an angered, frustrated, confused, manipulated, indoctrinated, unquestioning childlike patient; the slave kneels and hopes to be found pleasing.
The powerful, healthy man is aggressive and lustful; what is he to do when he realizes at last he has been mistreated, denied, cheated, starved, and shamed; he may rise up with a snarl; let the wife be dismayed to discover she is to her horror then in the vicinity of a man; what does he care; let him kick the pedestal from beneath her, and find her a collar; or let him turn his back upon her inert, righteous petulance and seek something a thousand times more desirable, what he needs, and wants, a slave; the slave does not denounce the lusts of the master; she endeavors to satisfy them, and, in this, finds her own womanhood; she does not want a weaker man; she wants a strong man, and a whole man, one it is fit for her to serve; how absurd, how embarrassing, how psychologically futile, how intellectually preposterous, to reveal one's actual nature, one's health and power, one's lust, to an offended, glorious free woman, or to waste it upon her reluctant, anesthetic body; away with the very thought; what could he be thinking of; let him seek rather a slave; the slave, you see, is the object on which it is appropriate for a man to ventilate his lust. Indeed, it is one of the things she soon learns she is for.
She also learns that the human male, when he has what he wants from a woman, and fully, and with perfection, is, within the limits of the mastery, a pleasant, kindly, happy, wonderful thing. She is awed, and fulfilled, by this relationship. And, of course, it is she who, subject to his rule, and responsive to his will, has bought this about, not that she was?you understand?given any choice. She wishes to please him, of course, but she knows also that she is a slave and must do so. For even a minor error or laxity she knows she may find herself under the whip. She finds this subjection to male domination thrilling, and reassuring.
Her master is not weak. There are clear standards, limits, and requirements. She must be careful of them. Commonly they are made clear to her, and the nature of the penalties which will be imposed for the least infraction thereof. She must be a pleasing slave. She is happy. This is the surely one of the deepest and most profound relationships in which a woman can stand to a man, that of slave to master, and, ideally, that of love slave to love master. It is no wonder then that we sometimes kiss our finger tips and press them to our collars, that we humbly lift and kiss the bracelets that link our wrists so helplessly, so closely, together. Do we not admire the unslippable shackles on our trim ankles, fastening them in such proximity to one another, so inhibiting our movements?
They have been put on us at the pleasure of the master. Are we blindfolded? Are we forbidden to speak? Are we gagged? Are our wrists tied behind our backs? Must we kneel naked before him? We are his. Let those who can understand these things understand how it is that a slave can love her bondage, and that she would never exchange it for the jejune inanities and boredoms of freedom?how it is that she can lie contentedly, happily, at the foot of a man's couch, chained to his slave ring.
Some, I suppose, will find this incomprehensible. There is nothing for it then, but to allow them to continue in their ignorance. But the woman at last has a place here, a condition, a station. She is now a slave. She now at last "belongs," and in the most profound sense of belonging, that of belonging to someone. She now "belongs" in the most profound sense conceivable, that of being owned. She realizes, with a radiant warmth that floods her, that illuminates her mind and enflames her belly, that she is now goods, a property, her master's slave. Men have found her of such interest and attractiveness, and they have wanted her so much, and so lusted for her, that they have enslaved her, that they have put her in a collar and made her theirs, that they have seen fit, in their imperious, dominating mastery to own her, and put her to their service and pleasure. -John Norman, Witness
good god! ~saki |
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I think that we, women, although not immune to male beauty, are less seriously influenced by it than men, the brutes, by female beauty. Indeed, a pretty male face can be aversive to us. The masculinity that attracts us, and can overwhelm us, is one of intelligence, power and virility, one of ruggedness and might. We are looking, so to speak, for our harem master, although we would hope to be the only slave in his harem. We want a man at whose feet we feel it is appropriate that we should kneel, as women, and slaves. We do not want an equal; that is not enough for us; we want more than that; we want a master. We want him to be strong, ambitious, aggressive, possessive, jealous, lustful, dangerous, dominant. We want him to guard us, and protect us, and own us, with masculine ferocity, to see us as his rightful properties. We want to feel ourselves as though we were nothing before his wrath and power. We want to feel that it is the most important thing in the world for us that we please him. We want him to be jealous of us, and fiercely possessive of us; we want to be important to him; we do not want to be ignored or neglected; we do not want to be taken for granted, or just be "there," perhaps almost unnoticed, as are so many "wives" of Earth; the slave, I assure you, receives a great deal of attention, perhaps more than she sometimes cares for; she, in her service, and subject to his command and domination, is muchly noticed; one of the cruelest of punishments he can inflict upon us is to subject us to the same neglect and indifference commonly accorded to an Earth "wife"; how we strive to be pleasing to him, that that will not occur; but it seldom occurs; better the mercy of the slave lash; he must want to keep track of us, for we are his possessions; he must want to know our thoughts, our whereabouts, and our every action. He desires us; he lusts for us; and we are his; and so he is jealous of us and inordinately possessive of us, his relished goods, his coveted prizes, his properties, his slaves; and so he keeps us on a short leash. The pit master, despite the monstrosity of his appearance, was mighty in his manhood. We slaves were helpless in his arms. When I clutched him I must despair of the least shred of dignity. In the arms of such a man a girl is muchly aware that she is in her collar and will shortly find herself subdued, and forced to yield herself wholly, spasmodically, helplessly, whether she wishes to or not, in the most degrading and wondrously joyful of all ecstasies, those of a slave to a master. -John Norman, Witness
potent.
~saki |
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To my Master and those who have served our country ... Thank you. It's not popular today to be patriotic ... so much hostility and anger towards those in our Armed Forces is ... i can't think of a strong enough word to use.
For those who have stood watch on the wall so that i can sleep at night ... who've done the unspeakable things that had to be done ... who have seen more than i can imagine and still carry on ... who have put their lives on the line so i can enjoy my considerable freedoms here at home ... You have my gratitude and my respect! You are HEROES in my eyes!
"Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum."
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature, and has no chance of being free unless made or kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. --John Stuart Mill |
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Well ... i most likely dropped a bomb on the message boards that will cause me to be run off of them and thrown under a bus ... but i just couldn't resist.
If you are in the least curious ... it's the post under the Ask a Master forum entitled "Masters .... does it bother You ... ?"
Now if you will excuse me ... i need to go slip into my kevlar and cammies in order to avoid an all out seige or at the least many many snipers. If i'm not home in time for supper Master, You'll know what happened. ~laughs~
~saki |
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So after talking with a Master from cm for a couple of days about the quality of slaves who advertise themselves here ... i took His advice and decided to peruse the slave profiles. Now being an eternal optimist regarding M/s, i was sure that He was just a bit slanted or maybe just had picked some bad apples from the bunch. Wow ... just wow! i am not sure any other repeatable word fell from my lips for the hours that i invested reading slave profiles.
Not only were most of the pictures obviously jacked from some porn site or airbrushed to stunning playboy quality perfection but the time that most of the girls invested in actually writing anything besides rules or reprimands to "bad" masters who didn't play well, was miniscule.
Granted this is primarily an advertising venue and i AM of the mindset that the last real choice a slave has in M/s of her own accord is who she submits herself to slavery under. However, the demanding, impatient, petulent, entitled tone that the vast vast majority of the girls used was just shocking to me. Sure i've had more than my fair share of freaky or time wasting messages ... time wasting because it was painfully apparent that the messenger didn't even bother to read my profile. But by the same token ... holy cow ... when did this get to be such a free market system that self proclaimed slaves are humored and courted for the type of tone that most of them use?
Amazingly too, most of them complain of being so flooded by emails that by god if you don't follow their strictly laid down protocol and demands set forth in their profile ... they will damn sure delete your message without even reading it. Again, i DO understand the creeps and freaks that send mail and i also understand it takes a great deal of time to wade through the masses of pointless mess some people send ... especially if you've airbrushed that pic really nice or stolen it from a really obscure but hot porn site. ~laughs~
Still ... the attitude of those self proclaimed slaves is shocking and it's disheartening. Maybe as much disheartening is the fact that so many Men ALLOW and cater to their entitled, demanding, -queen on a throne to her subjects- mentality by flooding them with even more mail. It is a self perpetuating system that really does reflect the degradation of our society in regards to biologically imperative gender roles.
Is it wrong for a slave to have standards and communicate them? Oh heck no! Personally i've learned that i can't be owned by someone who isn't in reality as smart or smarter than i am. i am learning more about myself every day and it's the little things that i'm seeing in myself now ... thanks to my Master ... that make me realize He has to be way on the ball intellectually to be able to pick up on my sub-consciously disobedient or unsubmitted behavior. Anymore it's not the obvious but the very subtle that still exists and has to be worked on.
The point isn't that having standards or understanding one's proclivities or needs is wrong ... it's a posture of communicating that has gone by the way side. No wonder all these girls latch onto the -my submission is a gift and you outta be damn grateful for it- mentality. So much of our method in the community affirms it and in the end ... who ends up looking the most powerless? He who would be Master. He -looks- powerless because His reasonable dominance and control isn't tolerated by the queens apparent on their thrones.
Too, what i really don't -get- is ... why don't they just advertise themselves as submissives or even just sensual submissives. Translation: "i will LET you Sir, do what i want You to do to ME in the bedroom, IF i feel like it and IF you behave like a good little obedient boy and don't step out of line or flex too much. Oh and you better be thankful that i let You cause see, i have hundreds of other poor saps who were just lining up waiting if You screw up and actually grow a pair."
They advertise themselves as SLAVES and i think that's the real rub for me. Yes thanks to our beloved internet ... the lifestyle has become diluted in many ways with those who see M/s or D/s as a venue for kink snacks or hunting grounds for predatory behavior or just fantasizers. Yet is has been a great asset in helping those who just haven't a clue how to understand their own real desires and cravings in a society that tells us we SHOULD feel differently. It has given understanding and perspective to many who don't march to the drummer of our culture that dictates Men should be sensitive and kind and sweet and deferential and women should be takers and demanding and assertive. But holy cow ... how far down the slope we have slipped as a community that we cater to those very mindsets right here.
i actually saw a profile from a -slave- demanding that her "One should treat her as He wishes to be treated". Yeah, well in popular de-sexualized politically correct terms i can assume she means respect and so forth. But if you look at it in M/s terms ... good god! i don't want to be treated in the way Master wishes to be treated. i don't want to be served. i don't want Him to obey me either. It's just gotten so far out of control ... it's no wonder the really good Masters are withdrawing at an enormous rate and that so many worthwhile Masters are so jaded and filled with near impatience and disgust.
i get frustrated sometimes that those who -know- and are powerful in insight and experience don't step up and just fix this mess. But i am not sure there IS a fix. Some of these Masters have been fighting a losing battle for so long ... they have now simply opted to retreat and control their own world ... and let the dogs have the show. Who has caused this defeat and erosion in our community? i guess we all bear some of the blame but deep inside ... i can't help but blame the girls and the pussy. The drive for pussy ... especially beautiful pussy has toppled nations and sent millions to war. Can i be so surprised that it's caused our entire M/s/D/s culture to spin on it's ear?
Ladies, women, girls ... as long as we feel entitled to be little princesses and perpetuate a sub-culture of demanding, emasculating behavior ... most of us will never find the kind of pure Mastery and dominance that our inner core craves.
To those Men who -get- it ... to those strong, powerful, uncompromising men who stick around ... thank You. Your voice is needed desperately and You are respected and appreciated! At least by me ...
~saki |
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Per my Master's instructions:
(Paraphrase) I respect no man's rules but my own. -spoken to me today during a conversation
My Master's reply: This is exactly what is wrong with the D & S community these days. There is no respect for clear ownership and restrictions. There is no respect for protocol. There is no respect period. People have no concept of honor or integrity in the lifestyle these days. It disgusts me. Post this in your journal per my orders. -D.
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"This is a marathon, not a sprint."
Master, thank you for this insight ... it's probably the single most profound explanation You have given me in understanding my service as a slave.
i have always approached slavery as a day to day victory or defeat. i have always been anxious to know as much as i could as soon as possible about my Master so that i could quickly please Him and anticipate His needs. As a result of this mindset ... i find myself completely out of my element with You so often. i often fail to realize that for You it's not a matter of me picking Your brain to understand You quickly ... but it's a matter of simple obedience to what You say or require. i know now that understanding and anticipating Your wants and needs will come in time and that for today ... it's my simple "Yes Master" that pleases You most. Not my never ending quest to understand the why's of You.
You teach. i am learning Master!
~saki |
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Sometimes it's really interesting to sit and read other's profiles on here ... both self described Dominants and submissives. i read something tonight that i thought was pretty interesting. A self described Dominant was speaking in his profile about how some Dominants treat their submissives like meat or like slaves and then wonder why they can't keep them. This of course gave me pause to ponder ... the ever prominent question of the difference between slave and submissive.
i guess tonight there is at least one thing i can say that is different between a slave and a submissive. A slave understands that there are times when her Master NEEDS to treat her like a piece of meat. There are times when she simply needs to be available for His drive ... His hunger ... His caveman (to borrow the term) ... and if He has something that needs to be vented on her ... she takes that as honor and with gratitude.
She understands that He shares with her, His deepest needs and He trusts her to understand. She doesn't take this as abusive because she understands Him and knows the difference. She takes it as marks of adoration and the highest level of service for her Master. She knows that this need may need to be unleashed without warning and when she isn't in the -mood-. She understands that it's at that moment, her ultimate sigh of adoration and devotion. She welcomes His -wounds- as what they in a healthy M/s relationship ... marks of trust and understanding.
She realizes that His needs aren't on her schedule and aren't subject to her moods ... but too she realizes that He is making the most intimate demand on her at that moment when she is simply ... meat ... flesh ... that she will recieve ... and understand. And be thankful. She celebrates every lash ... every stroke ... every contact with the knowledge that it's her He trusts with even this ... His deepest ... His darkest ... His most primal ...
And is she is really a slave ... too ... she NEEDS ... craves ... hungers with her whole being to be His meat ... His bitch ... His anything ... and His everything that He will allow her to be ...
She craves all that's not socially acceptable or pretty that her Master chooses to visit upon her ... and in His doing so ... brings her the greatest fulfillment a slave can find ... she was found pleasing. She was needed ... and she served Him ... as no one else could.
~saki |
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You only get one chance to make a good first impression. While everything here initially is based on one's words ... it's still the truth that your impression given from the very beginning may make or break your chances of meeting someone amazing. Lack of effort on your presentation here, whether in your initial profile or in your first message to someone will likely be the single most defining factor in another's decision to seek you out or even reply to you. Why bother to come here and make a profile at all that has absolutely no personal information on it in the least?
Slaves or submissives who only take a demanding tone or share nothing of themselves pretty much given an initial impression of lacking drive or effort in being found pleasing. They give the impression of just waiting to be courted or that they just expect others to flock to them because they have the ever sought after -snatch-. ~laughs~ Conversely ... Dominants or Masters who make no effort whatsoever in their profiles give the impression that they will likely Own or Master or Dominate the very same way -- with little effort or attention to detail.
i have to wonder why people bother at all to list a profile without a single personal word or insight added to it at all. If it's all the effort they are willing to make in finding a M/s or D/s partner ... then surely they can't be surprised when no one comes around to get to know them better. Everything that you do is a reflection of your own standards ... if you half-ass it here ... when all you have is that one shot to make the good impression ... it's easy to think you probably half ass it in private with your relationships. Sure one can always craft a great post just like one can always buy a power suit or a Dior gown ... it doesn't make the person better or worse. But what you wear to the ball DOES at least reflect something of your taste doesn't it?
~saki |
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Can't get this song out of my head ... it reminds me of Someone ... and too ... it reminds me of me ... . Ever noticed how music can be haunting yet comforting?
Overweight
Ever carried the weight of another? For how long? I walk as far as they need to recover For how long? (ha!)
I want to carry a piece of who I was before So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall I want to tear away the death again A whiter shade of fucking meth again I want to stick to clues, I want to come unglued I want to shape the world to fit the way you move Oh, should I listen for a dress size?
I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me? I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry But I'm happy that you're happy This is no longer about me
Trade rules, switch sides for your beautiful eyes Let him be you through your beautiful cries Let him hold you up so you can touch affordable skies Live your life just like a dream Without the pain of goodbyes Goodbye!
Ever carried the weight of another? For how long? I walk as far as they need to recover For how long?
I been a drunk disrespectful little street punk Unlock the back of my trunk You see, you take this bat And bash my head into the street again No-ones around so I keep beating it
Pull my hair back, look me in the eye There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy It's the guilt of what reality has given me Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity And when you're sick you seem to think You've failed eternally
And that the people you let in are only crumbling When you're sick of thinking life in this recovery When my decision paved the road That lies in front of me
So to my friends that even call but I don't call back I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will
Ever carried the weight of another? For how long? I walk as far as they need to recover For how long?
But are we scared to take the ride? Or dare to look inside? I'm floating far away (far away) I'm floating far away (leaving home) I'm floating far away (so far away) I'm floating far away
I want to learn to walk with others as an equal I want to treat the ones who love me with respect I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback And try to take away my negative effect I want to kiss the girl, I know I'll never lie again I want to call my dad and tell him that I care I want to let my brother know He saved my life a thousand times Throughout the years he's been my friend Who's always there
Ever carried the weight of another? For how long? -Blue October |
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Another great quote from cm ...
I am NOT impressed that you can suck cock if you don't understand basic service like how to fix My coffee. - Prophett
For some reason i laugh every time i read this ... it's classic!
~saki |
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This made me laugh ... how true ... how true!
Don't come with attitude, it will make your road to submission rocky and the journey longer. I'll break your attitude anyway, and you'll not be happy. - StrictandKind
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Been thinking today while i was with vargagirl about the whole submission is a gift thing. As i said this morning ... one side of the power exchange is no more or less of a gift than the other. If you choose to view submission as a gift, then conversely you have to give the same respectful nod to the Dominant or Mastery side of the house. It can not be a one way ride with submissives expecting Dominants to be dang grateful they are being graced with this priviledge. There HAS to be an equal correlation of gratitude and respect for what BOTH sides bring to the table.
Personally, my submission isn't a gift. It's a drive. A need. A hunger. A force that refuses to be pacified or sated without service to a Dominant demand. i can deny it for a while. i can hide it for a while. i can't sustain that denial though ... it WILL find a way to bleed through. If it isn't expressed in a safe and secure environment it may bleed out in reckless behavior or bad choices ... but either way ... it's greater than me and it WILL be fed.
Submission IS a choice, in a sense but in another sense ... it's a biological imperative for me. Yes, i choose to express that drive in the most healthy and safe ways possible and yes i do choose in some ways who i express that submission to. However ... if i don't understand myself and make good choices that are consistent with that understanding, i will eventually be driven to a place of making bad choices because the need will override almost everything else.
i guess in the end, i see any good M/s relationship as driven and fulfilling ... a gift for both parties that they were able to find that elusive -thing- that so many of us crave.
~saki |
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i always see such a big deal made out of a woman's submission being a gift and little made out of the fact that a Man's gift of Mastery in a slave's life is just as important. The focus is always on the woman ... HER gift. The gift of a Man who spends His time and energy on a slave is just as significant. One is no more or less a gift than the other. Still ... this consistent focus on her ...
Shades of our normal female dominated society? Shades of -it's all about me- that we see in Cosmo and all of the other female empowerment mags? i guess all the Masters and Dominants should just be grateful that some of us women are benevolent enough to share our -gift- with them once in a while huh?
What rubish!
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Do not challenge my sadistic side ... I will give you nightmares. -Daeldaus
i can't stress this truth enough. ~grins~
~saki |
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Hottest thing I've read on this site lately ...
Sadistic Dad for his sweet girl. When Dad comes home (where you live) he uses you for his pleasure. He uses love as a rope. "I love you" translates into "Do what I want". "Do you love daddy? "Translates into "This will hurt you". A lot of nice words, a lot of pleasure for Dad, All mixed emotions for you. Love, sex, pain, fear, all rolled up together. In the end, you will beome Dads sex toy. You will love it and hate it at the same time. I love you baby, your daddy's sweet angel........ -dadhurtsyou
For some reason ... this makes me crazy hot! ~laughs~ Kudos Sir ... You certainly have a way with describing it ...
~saki |
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Defining terms for someone new in the lifestyle ... could it get more confusing? It's not really easy to explain that M/s or D/s relationships are just as unique as any 'nilla relationship. Of course there are common themes and philosophies however ... for every two people in D/s or M/s .. there are going to be two different definitions or interpretations for even the most basic concepts. No wonder it's so confusing for a newbie. ~laughs~
Sometimes i think it's just better to experience it rather than label it to death. Though it's certainly important to have some sort of idea about -our- vocabulary. i've been trying to explain the term Master and M/s a good bit lately and this is about it in a nutshell for me ...
i tend to associate Mastery with an alpha personality. Someone who is dominant in all areas of their life ... not simply in -play- or in a negotiated context. They tend to be at the top of whatever they do and tend to be leaders naturally. Others look to them in many facets of their lives for direction and to set a pace. They are driven. They are unapologetic. Often they are mistaken by others for being arrogant or callous ... especially in times when there is a need for definitive action whether in the work place or the playground.
i think a Master also tends to have a stronger sense of responsibilty in the M/s or D/s context as well. He understands His role as teacher, guide, protector, instructor, disciplinarian, and motivator. He understands and relishes the responsibility that He takes on in guiding all aspects of the life of His property and ideally ... He seeks to better His girl in every facet. -Masters- who seek to radically isolate or demoralize a girl to the exclusion of all other influences are incredibly dangerous in my book.
Is He encouraging you to be the best person that you can be? Does He want you to succeed in the areas that you have both identified as important and a priority in your life? Does He encourage your personal growth through intellectual, physical, and spiritual stimulation? Does He encourage you to maintain healthy, positive relationships outside of your M/s dynamic? Is He wisely protective of you and does He consider your personal safety - mental and physical in your interactions?
This doesn't mean that He never pushes. That He never limits. That He never makes decisions that you hate or that stretch you. This means ... overall ... is there evidence that His goal is to make you better? Or is the evidence that He seeks to dehumanize you to the point that you are isolated and -less than- in the relationship.
Is He self controlled or does He regularly lose it and take out frustrations on you that leave you feeling abused rather than owned?
Having worked with abused women for over 7 years ... i think it's most vital that people who are just entering the lifestyle understand that power exchange in and of itself is not a necessarily dangerous interchange. It's about the character of the person as opposed to the dynamic. An abusive person tears down and subverts the confidence & self esteem of another. A Master is one who ideally, builds up the esteem of His slave and her confidence flourishes under His ownership.
In spite of being competent in the world without a Master ... i undoubtably thrive in a solid M/s relationship. Outside of M/s, i question myself ... understanding my vulnerabilities in craving to serve and please. These vulnerabilities can lead to bad decisions when not given room for healthy expression. Inside of an M/s relationship, my confidence blooms and i flourish as a person. The safety of being understood and the trust that i can freely get my need to serve and please met is indescribable. i am a stronger person ... a more pleasing person ... a more secure person under the guidance/ownership of a good Master.
Those outside of the lifesyle will never understand just how healthy a good M/s relationship can be. They fear losing or taking control and responsibility. They can't fathom the level of trust and intimacy that occurs within the M/s dance. Because it's threatening to them by nature of power exchange ... they campaign to persecute our natural societal and cultural Alphas ... preaching a message of apologetics and emmasculation. They try to save us poor slaves or submissives from the error of our -weak or under-developed esteem- ... all the while never realizing that their crusade to save us ... is the very crusade that seeks to rob us of the very essence of our fulfillment.
i meet so many women who crave so badly to celebrate their natural, feminine drives to serve but ... a fear mongering society has robbed so many of the confidence to look inside and admit what's there. We say it's weak to need to serve and please ... but in fact ... it's strength that helps us stand up and admit who we really are. There is little more unhealthy than uptight. frustrated women full of angst and resentment in their inability to let go and allow someone else to lead. And there is again, little more unhealthy than men who are denied their DNA dictated drive to lead and conquer.
Bleh ... i ramble ... no wonder it's all so hard to explain to the rest of the world ... it's all just so threatening isn't it? ~smiles~
~saki |
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It seems to me that when times are most stressful ... it becomes most evident that what we really need is crystal clear.
If one is a slave or even a submissive beyond sensual submissiveness ... it's a fact that you will come to points in the road of your life that are not easily navigated without the hand of a Master or Dominant. This is not to say that we are mindless or that we are without intellect or the ability to reason out a proper response. It is to say that when we are dealing with situations regarding our own personal best interest it is sometimes difficult for us to make good decisions. We tend to make different decisions when the dominant void in our life is present. We tend to make decisions that ultimately might get our need to please or serve met but that will not be fully in our best interests longterm.
It's difficult for a slave or submissive to resist substituting sub-standard power exchange when we are strongly feeling the need to be owned or to serve. We often compromise what may be best for us to get the more immediate need met of pleasing another person or having the opportunity to experience even a taste of a power exchange which is what we normally thrive on. i think that is what makes it most difficult about not having a Master.
i know that there are those who would say that a slave without a Master is no slave. And conversely a Master without a slave is no Master. However, i disagree. i believe a Master is a Master period ... regardless of His current situation regarding ready service. If He is truly a Master He can not turn that fact on and off. He is still a Master of Himself and His environment at all times and He still exudes the power and alpha-ness for lack of a better word, in His interactions with others.
The same is true for the slave i think. i am still a slave regardless of whether or not i am owned. My slavery is not a legal condition that is dependent upon actual ownership to be fact or not. My slavery is in the core of me ... it's my drive ... my need ... it IS my actuality. When it is realized in a relationship then it is fulfilled and causes me to thrive. However, it does not go away when it isn't fulfilled. It drives me ... it colors me ... it causes me pain and longing. It makes everything else very much more difficult. It's the dark glass that i see through that leaves me unsure. |
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Isn't the mental connection of M/s a strange thing? It's usually pretty easy to tell who -gets- it and who doesn't. Those who don't are immediately interested in focusing on your kink. They use words like play a great deal. They quickly want as many revealing or provocative pictures as you are capable of providing. It leads one to believe they are more interested in creating a personal wank off collection than truly exploring their own power as a Dominant.
It's sad to me that it seems so few understand the power of a controlled conversation in which you focus on getting to know an individual and less on an immediate sensual titillation. If the titillation only comes with the pictures and a quick trial cyber session, it's incredibly telling about the real motives of a man. True M/s titillation is built in the interchange. The thrill of being in the presence of true power is easily felt to the sensitive slave. It can't be faked with a few conversation controllers that are clearly more trappings designed to give the appearance of dominance than any true disposition of the potential Master/Dominant.
I think the converse is true for a seeking slave/submissive as well. If you think the measure of your worth as a submissive or slave is how sizzling you can be in your cyber or in providing naked pics upon a first meeting chat then it's clear you are missing it! Your first meetings with someone aren't about demands from Him beyond His respectful communication protocal and they aren't about how quickly you can sexually stimulate.
Sure sex is always a part of the M/s energy however in it's most crass and raw form it's a cheap party trick and a diversion. A true Alpha is not one who immediately skips trying to get to know you at an initial meeting to trying to get off. He knows His power. He get can off anywhere. He sets about knowing you. Learning you. Interviewing you with each question and response to learn you and learn if you might ultimately be pleasing to Him.
Likewise a good slave/submissive sets off immediately in seeking to learning the Master/Dominant that she is speaking with. She capitalizes on each opportunity she is given to learn more about the Power in her presence. Both to discern if He is what she needs in her life as an ultimate guiding force and to learn as quickly as possible, every clue that He offers. Even in a first conversation, a Master will reveal clues that a good slave/submissive will note and remember and utilize when possible to bring even more pleasure to the Master/Dominant. She will make the most of every opportunity to become a student of the Man. It's is the geisha way ... but ultimately it should be the slave's way as well.
So many conversations. So much superficial fluff. So little real intensity. It's a bit of a rape and pillage of the real sexual tension and intoxicating high that the M/s dance actually offers. All of this play and all of these shortcuts. So little effort. It's really rather shocking!
~saki |
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Male Dominant, 38, west monroe, Louisiana
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Female Dominant, 41, Upstate, New York
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Male Switch, 40, Orestiada
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Male Switch, 39, Stockholm/Dalarna
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Male Submissive, 25
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Female Dominant, 43, Albany, New York
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Male Dominant, 40
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Male Switch, 49
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Female Submissive, 21, Northridge, California
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Male Submissive, 44, Logroño
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Male Dominant, 35, Düsseldorf
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Male Dominant, 39, Springfield, Missouri
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