No i haven't wrote in awhile It has been crazy. With sorting out feelings and trying to understand how i respond to Master and etc my mind has been racing. i went to my first actual munch and play party. Let's say it was awesome. i was able to mingle with people and really enjoyed myself. Met a few new people which i hope to continue to talk with and get to know.
We played both nights Friday and Saturday. Friday night was intense. i took a lot that night. First time he "beat" me i was on a cross and he did a number on me. So we took a break and mingled and what not. Than we had me bent over a spanking bench. i took a lot then. To the point i was in tears and knew i couldn't take any more. Well he coached me into taking one more and it was from the cane. That one hit threw me over board. To the point of could not talk, i was crying even more, and i was shaking. He was wonderful though and took wonderful care of me afterwards.
Saturday was about the same. i took two beatings that night as well. They didn't feel as intense but he flogged me pretty good. He was able to to hit me as hard as he wanted with the floggers and not once did i red or yellow on him. Now when the tired tread paddle came out that was a different story. After being flogged pretty good and than that coming out that messes me all up. The second beating was with floggers only.
i have a pretty bruise from the weekend's fun.
i never thought i could give myself like i do to Master. Things seem so natural so different. i could lose myself to him and never want to be found. i feel so safe when i am with him. My heart skips a beat when he touches me, my breath becomes heavier, i get goosebumps, and chills. i blush with a single touch of his hand. He sets my skin on fire with a brush of his lips. i have never felt this intense with someone. He keeps me on edge all the time. His voice sends me into another world.
It seems the longer i am with him the more i want to give. Master does not require a lot of me. What i have given to him he did not ask for. i gave to him willing. He never really had a girl open car doors for him, or a door to a building, he hasn't had one ask to go to the restroom before doing so, etc. i started doing that with him and he enjoys that i do that. i have never experienced things he does to me. We seem to have a perfect give and take type of relationship. We seem to match on so many levels that it is unimaginable. It seems so perfect. i am so happy. He makes me feel so different.
There was a time in my life i didn't think i would ever give myself to someone else. i had a Master that passed away that taught me a lot about myself and who i was. He was wonderful and i would of stayed with him forever. But it was his time to go. After he left i had a few horrible relationships and after them i went to a very dark place. That darkness has been lifting a little has i moved on. But Master has put me back in touch with the slave i once was. The person i locked away because no one deserved her and i didn't deserve anyone that could have her. Master has been bringing that person back out.
i find myself happier in servitude than i did just living my life in a vanilla way. i feel i am finally fulfilling my purpose. Living the life i have always wanted to live. i am doing what my heart wants and i am happy. i can't say i don't hit rough patches i do. Real life kicks in every so often and knocks me of cloud 9. i have a child to raise and college to do. But i seem happier doing these things than before. i cannot say it is all because of Master. i got out of a relationship that brought me down and i was out of it for a month before Master came along and things were looking up then, but Master did push it over the top for me. Yes there are days he drives me crazy with correcting my grammar, but i know that it is for the best. It is teaching me to be proper and more valuable in a work sense. Who wants a medical assistant that can't talk or write proper English? Do i slip up? Yes i do but he corrects me pretty quickly.
At times i consider myself a brat. i want to say i am not the type of brat that is a bad brat. Master has me spoiled to a certain point. To a point that he is happy with. Meaning i am spoiled by his kisses, by his touch, etc. i also consider myself a brat because i love to tease him. i am cock teaser when it comes to him. i actually find it funny to tease him while he is working. It is such a turn on.
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