S4dist0nline

As has been explained somewhere earlier in this profile, I am not able to accommodate a 24x7 relationship, and although I do not feel compelled to justify Myself, I feel the need to disassociate from the wannabe life-stylers who look at CollarMe as a quick online cyber-fix..

My situation is complicated however its more prevalent than most I feel, I was married for the second time, almost 20 years ago to a very vanilla, some would say prudish woman, to which I now have a 13 year old daughter. I had no clue as to why or how I was enthralled by the sadistic infliction of pain in a sexual-setting, as a child I remember the 'Doctor/Nurse playtimes, but I would always be the One who wished to make the girls cry…I didn't want to abuse animals..or beat My wife..or torture an abused family…I was simply aroused by the infliction of pain in a sexual setting…in those days, there was MUCH less material available on the internet/books…but as a youth I found "the Story of O' and knew then this was what I sought…a partner who worshipped Me sufficiently to bear anything I wished her to feel, however, in My youth, I never seemed to find a partner who felt this way, so I suppressed My desires, and instead sought multiple partners, seeking more and more from them in terms of 'different' sex, anal-play, watersports etc..

As I grew older, I researched, and found more like Me existed, "Wow' what a revelation…and then I found DeSade…and the veil was lifted from My eye's so to speak..however, by that time, I had succumbed to the norm, the 2.5 children and BMW Thatcherite Britain..

what to do, I had a series of sexual liaisons with women more 'liberal' in their sexual preferences until one girl caught My deviant-attentions and embarked on a year-long kink affair

I confessed this to My partner, in a moment of guilt..she always knew My preference in truth, and I made the conscious decision to suppress my urges and live a 'normal' life

10 years pass…and a realisation that, life is for living, and its not a rehearsal..and knowing that I could not suppress My feelings any more than I could change preference to homosexuality, I now seek those in a similar position, vanilla-encumbered, but perversely-wired, in a part-time setting with online contact to 'feed the itch'. Discretion is a necessity and reciprocated. I am cerebral and an employed Professional with time spent away from home to meet available. 

I do not provide this confession out of guilt or in some cathartic necessity, simply to explain My wants and desires to those unfortunates in a similar position!

What is 'Utopia' for Me?

difficult, but I'll try!

I am encumbered vanilla-wise with a partner and child..this has the effect of limiting My active participation in a D/s relationship, and the number of submissives prepared to 'part-time' in the UK is limited in the extreme..I am an 'acquired taste', both brutal and compassionate, evil and kindness, demanding and aloof, a complex and intelligent combination of  opposites!!

If you actually exist anymore, you are sensually and physically masochistic, you neither desire a LTR nor are you averse, however you are honest and open, and deliciously Exhibitionist in nature, you are discrete yet passionate when in control, you shall ask for nothing but give everything, you are the muse to My artistic sadism, the canvas to My deviancy!

I shall add more as I choose, but if you enter the Realm of the Master, be prepared for a rough ride!!!

Why on earth would you assume I seek simply an online situation?...so good to see the tears..hear the cries..smell the arousal..*grin*

The sadist is someone who delights in the pain of others or whose behaviour meets pleasure in the pain of others, sadism is a way to get excitation and sexual pleasure, causing pain or humiliation to a partner.

The term derives from Donatien Alphonse François de Sade (better known as Marquis de Sade), French born writer who we can admit about that there is no literature of any time where we can find a work as outrageous as his, especially because no other author has wounded so deeply human thought and feelings.

Today, two hundred years later, it seems unlikely that anyone could write something that competes with his works. Maybe we can find similar images through film (Pasolini aspired him with The 120 Days of Sodom), but this does not overcome the hell created by the author.