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I am a Dominant in pursuit of a Ds relationship. There are some specific circumstances in which I will submit, but the stars have to be in the correct alignment.

Despite what the One Twue Doms may say to the contrary, this does not make me a Switch. In the Leather community, a Dominant must first apprentice a certain amount of time as a submissive, and they arent considered Switches, are they? Of course not.

I first became formally-involved in the BDSM Scene in 1991, in Pasadena, Texas. I learned a great deal by those pioneers now considered Old Guard and in so doing, gradually became more open-minded. However, as that late, great philosopher, John Lennon, once said, Life happens when youre busy making other plans. So, in 2003 I married a Vanilla woman and moved out of state for several years. Only after the divorce did I move back home. This was another learning experience. I learned that marrying someone who is not a fetishist, and in fact is opposed to fetishes, leaves one unfulfilled, because you have to put a part of yourself aside.

Now, was the divorce caused by the fact that we werent involved in a Ds relationship? Nope. It was because she decided to use drugs, and like many drug addicted people, she decided to break the law. Both of these are incompatible with a happy and healthy marriage.

As I mentioned previously, I consider myself a Dominant, but not a Master. There was a time when the term Master was bestowed on someone by their peers, and earned through many years of service to the Community. Not any more. Now the only qualification is to watch a half-dozen episodes of I Dream of Jeannie (the color ones, not the black-and-white first season), and apparently you dont even have to do that.

Case in point. I attended a play party a few years ago, and I met a young man not more than 18 years of age, who was wearing a hand-written name tag Hello. Im Master James. As I was introduced to him, I said, Good evening, James. He quickly corrected me, replying, -Master- James.

I took him aside and we had an illuminating conversation. It seems that not only was he new to the Scene, this was his very first play party. His sponsor had told him that it would be better if he used a title so those in the Community would respect him. I told him, if he continued to refer to himself as Master James, people in the Community would laugh at him. I then explained the background of the title from a historical perspective, and shared that those Ild Guard members who had actually earned the title, rather than retrieving it from a cereal box, would be offended. Someone just starting out on the Community should avoid being the source of ridicule or offending those from whom they hope to learn.

I consider myself very fortunate, over the years, to learn from those who have far greater experience than I. I wont name them all here, because this is not the time or the place to do so, but they know who they are, and thats the important thing. Some are no longer with us.

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4/1/2017 11:21:53 AM
** Rape is Never a Consensual Scene **

This is not a bizarre fantasy. It really happened. Here’s photographic evidence: https://fetlife.com/users/425646/pictures/51857279

It’s early on a Saturday evening at the local [Houston] dungeon. The first of 120+ partygoers are trickling in for a night of BDSM fun. A stranger approaches two young ladies and asks them to help him open the cap on a bottle of water. One of the girls takes the bottle and twists off the cap, then tries to hand it back. But the unknown man produces a dropper bottle and squirts a clear liquid into the water before taking the bottle from the girl.

“What’s that?” one girl asks.

“Love potion,” the man replies as he walks away.

About 30 minutes later, a pretty girl in the cookie room loses her balance and falls hard onto the floor, spilling what’s left of the water bottle she’s holding. Concerned people rush to her aid. She seems dazed and complains of feeling very strange and dizzy. She doesn’t seem to understand what’s happening. The stranger from earlier reappears and orders everyone to back off.

“I’ve got this,” he barks as he drags the girl to her feet. He half-carries, half-drags the girl on her shaky legs out the door. The girl stumbles several times as the man maneuvers her through the crowd. They crash into several people who are gathered in small groups to socialize. The man is simply dragging the girl, whose legs are all but useless now, as they emerge into an unoccupied space near the middle of the dungeon.

The man tears open the girl’s blouse and rips off her skirt. Like a rag doll, he pulls her across his lap and begins a bare-hand spanking. She only responds slightly to the heavy blows. Tiring of the spanking, the man unceremoniously dumps the girl onto the floor, pulls off her ripped blouse and bra. Now clad only in skimpy panties, she seems bewildered and incoherent. The man roughly rolls her onto her belly with his boot, and without a word, begins brutally beating her with his fist. Next, the man draws a large, black sjambock from his bag and proceeds to slash at the tender flesh of her back, buttocks, thighs. Blow after vicious blow crashes into the girl, who seldom even flinches as the cruel beating escalates in violent intensity.

As the man reaches for a heavy, leather-wrapped bat, the girl tries to crawl away from the beating. She makes a frightened mewling sound and cries for someone to help her. No one does. She’s too disoriented to make it more than a few inches before the man drags her back by her leg.

“You want some help? He asks.

“Yes,” she whimpers.

“I’ve got something that will help,” he laughs.

The man produces a phial of clear liquid and a syringe. He draw a significant amount of the liquid into the syringe, squirts some of it into the air, then quickly injects it into her buttock. Throwing the needle aside, he grabs the bat and resumes beating the helpless girl. As a thunderous rain of blows slowly subsides, it’s clear that the girl is now completely unconscious.

The man rips down the girl’s panties, leaving her completely naked. He stretches out beside her on the floor and drags her close until her head lolls onto his chest. He unbuttons his pants and pushes the unconscious girl’s hand into his underwear. He produces a cell phone and snaps several lewd selfies. The man rises and kicks the girl's unresisting legs wide apart. He kneels between her spread legs and roughly rams his fingers into her vagina. She doesn’t move. Her eyes are half-closed and rolled back.

The man grabs a giant black marker and scrawls the words, “FUCK ME” on her naked abdomen, then draws a crude arrow pointing to her crotch. He exchanges the marker for a large wine bottle and unceremoniously shoves the bottle deep into her exposed vagina. The man stands and laughs. He spits contemptuously into the girl's unresponsive face. He uses his phone to take a few more photos of the girl.

The man begins quickly tossing his toys into his bag. He notices the girl's purse lying nearby. He dumps the contents onto the dungeon floor, plucks the cash from the scattered contents, and shoves the bills into his pants pocket. He grabs his toy bag and rapidly walks out of the building without a word.

The girl is left completely vulnerable, lying naked and unconscious, legs spread lewdly with a cold wine bottle protruding from her violated vagina. More than a hundred people stand watching. Nobody moves. A few laugh nervously. Finally, a woman steps forward. She is indignant at what has happened. She recruits another girl from the crowd to help her dress the comatose girl. The woman takes her pulse and checks her eyes. The woman organizes a group of large men nearby carry the unconscious girl to a waiting car in the parking lot.

Here is a link to the organization that sponsored the non-consensual sexual assault:
And the organization in which the perpetrator is a member:

3/10/2015 10:59:36 PM

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

Billy Joel wrote these words so long ago, and he was right. Honesty builds trust, and trust is absolutely essential in a D/s relationship. Trust breathes life into a relationship. Without trust, a relationship cannot survive. Without honesty, trust cannot exist.

9/1/2014 8:26:22 PM
"What is a shill?? I've been asked that more than once by those who have had the endurance to read through my profile, so I thought I'd provide some background to enlighten the uninformed. In casinos, a shill is a beautiful, well-dressed young woman who is paid by the house to impersonate a gambler at table games, typically blackjack. The title of one of Erle Stanley Gardner's mystery novels, Shills Can't Cash Chips, is derived from this type of shill. Now, a shill is different than a poser. A poser, in the BDSM world, is someone who understands what D/s means, and uses his knowledge to manipulate those in the scene, usually slaves, submissives or bottoms, to fulfill their own objective, which is usually casual sex. These individuals are often predators, and should be outed because they can do real harm to those they prey upon. And that's a shame, because a natural submissive with a genuine interest in becoming engaged in the D/s scene could be damaged for a lifetime by a predator who sees her not as a gem but as an easy mark, a sexual toy who can be used and easily-discarded. Fortunately, all of the organizations I'm aware of in the Houston area will not allow these individuals to affiliate with them. A well-known BDSM dating site sporadically places a disclaimer beneath their advertising banner which states that the shills pictured above are ?for illustrative purposes only.? Illustrative of what? Why not publish pictures of real subscribers? And if this company is going to publish obviously phony pictures of users in order to entice non-subscribers to join, what assurance is there that they aren't stocking the pond with artificial fish? As I related in my profile, I have developed a proprietary system to identify shills. I wish I could publish it for you here, but if I did, the shills would just change their methodology and I'd have to start all over again from Square One. However, I will leave you with this little nugget of knowledge: the free BDSM sites have less shills, but more predators. The pay BDSM sites have more shills and more predators (because predators, as a last resort, will pay for sex). In the words of my good friends, Bill and Ted, ?Be excellent to each other.?

9/1/2014 12:21:24 PM
Gila placed the device in his hands and said to him evenly and without emotion, "Brand me." "What?" Flint asked incredulously. He looked first to the small handheld machine, then to the young woman, clad only in a crimson bikini swimsuit. She must have sensed Derek Flint's apprehension, because her next words were reassuring. "It's our only hope. Go ahead." Flint firmly gripped her arm with one hand, easily restraining her with his strength. He pressed the device against her shoulder and pressed the button, activating it. The sound and smell of burning flesh permeated the room, as her cries of pain increased. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, it was over. Gila fell into Flint's arms in a mass of sobs. ---from the 1966 motion picture, Our Man Flint. Dallas BDSM published an oft-quoted list called, "101 ideas to make Your slave feel Owned (i.e. loved)." Within that list, Item 21 clearly states: Get her branded. Now, as for me personally, this seems more than a little extreme. From my experience, most novice submissives seem opposed to nipple rings, and this seems less hardcore than branding (not to mention a hidden display of her submission, known only to her, her Dominant, and perhaps a select few others, not to the Vanilla world at-large). How can a submissive demonstrate her submission in a "friendlier" manner, a good first step potentially (or potentially not) leading to nipple piercing or branding? A few years ago, one of my customers was Halliburton. At one of their facilities, one of their female security officers wore bangs. Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely love bangs. Straight, Betty Page bangs. She told me she wore her hair in this style to please her boyfriend (what a lucky guy, I thought). So, imagine my surprise when the article also suggested, "Choose her hairstyle and go with her to get it cut to Your specifications." Given the choice between branding, piercing, and wearing her hair in a certain style, I would suspect most submissives would feel the latter is the least threatening.

9/1/2014 12:14:18 PM
I read the Journal entry, "12 Reasons I need to have a Dominant in my life," and wanted to comment on one of the 12 Reasons: 2.) I need to have someone to care for and be valuable to. A submissive who has chosen (there's that word again) to share a Dominant's life has value beyond gold, diamonds or rubies. However, a submissive must be appreciated in order to know that she has value. To do otherwise diminishes her value, and gives her the impression that she is being taken for granted. Words have power, but sometimes words aren't enough. Submissives (and Dominants, for that matter) need to be shown that they are appreciated, that despite the sunshine and the storms, the peaks and valleys that all relationships endure, that she would be chosen all over again.

9/1/2014 12:07:01 PM
I read an essay today entitled, "Pick Me." That reminded me of a subscriber on one of the Vanilla dating boards, "Pick Me to Love." I've heard throughout the years that two people "fall in love." That seems, to me, to take all the responsibility of decision-making out of the equation. If two people can "fall in love," can't they just as easily "fall out of love?" After all, they are leaving the most important element of their relationship to happenstance. The fact is, we don't fall in love. We choose to be in love. And we keep on making that choice each day for the rest of our lives. This is the responsible thing to do. We're driving the bus. If we can choose to love another person, which is by far the most important choice we will make in our lives, then the rest is easy. Because I've chosen to love her, then I will take her needs into consideration. Her opinion is important to me. Her feelings are important to me. You see how easy it becomes. Anything else is a piece of cake, because I have made a choice to love someone. And so can you.

1/12/2012 8:51:36 PM

Abuse versus BDSM: what's the difference? To the vanilla world, there is no difference. They see a man striking a women, especially in the context where she is restrained and helpless, as wrong. Growing up, I instructed never, ever to hit a girl. I could play rough with the other boys, but girls were off-limits.

This, I believe, is why many men who consider themselves Dominants have difficulty of the female masochist. Even though consent is present, as it should be, they still have this absolute engrained in their character: never strike a woman.

I can't speak for submissives, so I won't even try, but I do believe that they face a similar dilemma. Submission is such a precious gift that it must only be truly shared with the right man. To do otherwise could potentially damage her psychologically, leaving her unable to trust again.

That's why I can't understand why these so-called “professional submissives” trade their submissiveness in return for greasing their palms with silver. They don't really know their John Doms (or Dom Johns) from Adam, yet they're willing to be cuffed and shackled, while their “customer” wields a single-tail that he may be less familiar with than what's underneath the hood of his car? But I digress, lest I arouse (no pun intended) the ire of one of more of these alleged professional submissives.



1/8/2012 10:33:40 PM

Trust. Without trust, love dies. Trust is necessary in a marriage, but indispensable in a D/s relationship. Safewords are nice, but as Deval Patrick once said, these are “words, just words.” The submissive must know beyond the shadow of a doubt that when her Dominant hears that word, he understands the scene has become unsafe and play must end. Immediately.

That's where trust comes in, and trust isn't an entitlement. It must be earned. Any Dominant worth his salt will realize that, and will continually strive to maintain that trust. The reverse is also true, since a relationship is a two-way street.

President Reagan once said, “Trust, but verify.” I think he's putting the cart before the horse. Remember, trust is not an entitlement, but something to be earned over time. So is it wise to blindly trust someone on a dating website, whom you've never met and the only thing you have to go by is a spiffy profile and a picture which may or may not be authentic? I honestly don't know. I guess my best advice is proceed with caution and trust your instincts.

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