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LadyM45
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male sub; looking for Friends.
i'm currently free-range and would like to exchange thoughts (clean ones!) with A/anyone interested.
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change - killing joke -
a former Owner imposed some play. since our split was mainly due to vanilla pressures beyond our control, there's still unfinished (monkey) business; as well as a deep rooted mutual attraction. oh, and two-and-a-half years of romantic history!
living, as She does, on the set of "zombies: dawn of the teenagers", impact play was out, so She decided we’d concentrate on cunnilingus.
a couple of nights later, She arranged for us to play at a club in town.
these play sessions have continued over a couple of weeks now. surprisingly, we've made the transition from (failed) 24/7 Mistress-and-slave to separate-postcodes-F/friends with a minimum of angst.
sure, some adjustments have had to be made; i've had to refocus my thinking as the roles we occupy in each other's lives have altered.
and it feels as if we're finally prioritising quality time together at last.
now why isn't that achievable in a 24/7 situation?
maybe neither of us is the easiest person to live with. there are so many vanilla pressures surrounding us all that trying to live the dream becomes secondary to all the plate-juggling that comprises so much of modern living.
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sin - nine inch nails -
a day's servitude as a Lady's domestic slave. Someone i met recently asked me to come to Her home and clean it. i got there about ten and She picked me up at the station.
at Hers, i was given a coffee, some instructions and put to work. i started on the room most in need of my attention, while the Mistress of the house started making telephone calls.
after about an hour or so, it was decided i would perform better naked. i complied and continued.
periodically, my exertions were punctuated by a few sharp impacts and a great deal of verbal humiliation. not having been exposed to such for a year or two, i worried that i was disappointing Her, but no. all part of the fun and games.
She was content to verbally harass me, finding fault with both what i said and my means of communication.
there was also a fair amount of hair pulling. both because my (shoulder length) hair was taken as an affront to the Lady of the house - and because She felt hair beats a collar and lead every time for pulling a male around.
towards evening, i went to the shops and bought the makings of a meal for Her. although plan a was one of my award-winning malayan curries, due to shopping constraints, i settled for a stir-fry.
i thought it was a bit average, compared to my usual calibre of meals, but the Lady of the house seemed (and said She was) impressed.
after we'd eaten, Her in Her bed, me on the floor, She offered me a lift back to the station. but before that, a few sharp strokes from Her cane.
it was through my jeans and pretty benign, but perfect punctuation to a wonderful day. as She drove me to the station, we discussed how the day had gone.
all in all, a positive experience, both for myself and for the Lady of the house. a second visit has been arranged for later this month.
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bring the noise - public enemy
i wonder sometimes, about the shiny
things. like most teenagers of my generation, i thrived on music, movies and
books. unable to maintain a relationship, these media were my world. unlike the
vast majority of people, i never got bored with these.
not knowing any Dommes back in the day, i
let the shiny things take over.
my last Owner was fascinated by the depth
and breadth of this knowledge i carried. my moving in with Her gave Her access
to entertainment She'd never heard of.
conversely, the Woman before that merely
saw them as clutter in Her home and suggested (strongly) that i got rid of the
lot.
Her view was that music was the one
constant in my chaotic life and now that i'd found Her, i should let go of
them.
i'm ambivalent. i accept that these things
were a (poor) substitute for the love of A Harsh Woman, but conversely, they've
brought me a great deal of happiness over the years.
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Chick
habit - April March
with all the changes i'm undergoing in my life, unsurprisingly, I
seem to be experiencing a paradigm shift.
things I thought I knew, things I assumed I could depend on, have
all gone gooey and thermoplastic.
I've long felt I was moving towards 24/7 slavery. i've lost a lot
of ground over the last couple of years. i'm not much use to Anyone in Their
right mind - unless there's a Lady out there Who's really spoiling for a
challenge!
nah, I just need to be in the company of Women on the
selfish-assertive spectrum. for now,
anyway.
at the same time, someone I met through work has adopted me as her
'gay best friend'. apparently, we're going to share "secrets, bottles of
wine & Chick-flicks".
all well and good, you say. as a pervert, creep and weirdo, i'm
lucky to have a wee nilla girl I can hang out with.
it's not perfect, but it'll do. again, for now.
and one day, all of this will be lost...
like tears in a golden shower.
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creature from the black leather lagoon - the cramps.
beached again! (sigh)
again, having to rebuild the world as the last one spits me out. again.
it's shaken my identity, to a great extent, knowing that i couldn't be Anyone's slave while i'm like this.
for a long time, (most of my life, in fact) the dream was that Someone would train me to Their specifications and take me as Their 24/7.
i'm not even sure i could manage to play just now. could i give myself over to Someone, honestly and completely?
i doubt it.
if i do meet Someone with Whom i feel confident enough to play, then i want to start with my own kinks on a back burner.
yes, i have turn-ons, fetishes, kinks (christ, i'm a bloke on cm!) no, i don't want them (or my relationship with them) to influence the landscape of whatever happens to me next. |
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back on here again, so obviously not all hope has been eradicated!
the main difference in my present incarnation is that whereas before, my desired end result was to become Someone's slave, my experiences over the last two-and-a-half years have left me feeling a tad different.
i'm well aware that i'm about as much use as a second set of elbows at this time. if Anyone was daft enough to consider owning me right now, They'd have Their work cut out for Them!
i'm not comfortable like this.
and weirdest of all, i still have that burning need to experience actual submission.
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