redhotridinhood9

Female Submissive, 18, Bridgetown, Ohio

Female Submissive, 30, saint louis, Missouri

Female Switch, 36, PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania

I have had some wonderfully friendly messages lately, thank you very much to all who have written to me! I apologize that I have not had time to get back personally yet. We are moving very soon and have had a large number of upheavals happen in our life the last few months...which has put fun stuff on the back burner. Master and I are not living together at the moment even though we are "together"-He still owns me completely and we will live together again by the summer, hopefully. (wow, is that cryptic or what??!!) Anyway, don't count us out yet-consider it a hiatus. We plan to keep up with our rituals and things we do to keep us in the proper space; it's just needing to be timed out better since we have limited time now. Life is weird. Of course, what it comes down to is that He owns me and is the Boss. That's really all I need to remember. :-D So, if I don't answer right away, I am sorry-and just give me a bit of time.? We plan to go back to APEX at some point because we love it there, we just can't right now. I am sure that eventually we will meet up with some of you lovely local folks. I look forward to it!

Fabulous, wonderful weekend....but i will write more on that later...i need to rant a bit.? i am tired as all hell of the "swing" lifestyle...we have a profile on SLS and even though we have met a few cool people on there over the last few years, i don't think anyone could believe how hard it is to find decent people to mess around with! Maybe we are too picky or something, but dammit, it is SO HARD to match up with likeminded people. We make no bones about the BDSM part of our lives, and i am going to assume it scares people off. The thing is, we make it clear that we do NOT expect others to submit to Master, we don't NEED them too-we want to have regular old sex with others as much as the vanillas do. It just so happens that we have our own thing and it is a part of who we are. (i have also figured out that we are freaks among the freaks, because in the BDSM camp, sex is secondary and very rarely do any of them swing.? It is almost alien there in Kinkland. I don't understand that at all, but i do not judge them-to each their own.) Master had invited all these couples to the meet and greet at The Door on Saturday night, and do you think ANYONE showed up? Not ONE couple showed up, and we sat there, trying to figure out if anyone already there had possibilites. It is SO fucking Scottsdale out there. Now, i know i sound like a snot, and i'm sorry. But i have been to a million of those M&Gs and they are all the same. i also really think my collar scares them off. i wish i could wear a sign saying "we just want to swing too!" and have them understand. Sigh. Master says we are done with SLS. Maybe on here we can find some couples who fucking get it. Where the hell are all the freaks like us??!! What do we want? We want a Master/slave type couple (or a couple who is not scared off by us), where the slave girl is bisexual and loves to play with girls, like me. We could do other things, too, with clothes on-you know, be regular people! She would not have to submit to my Master, as hopefully she would have a her own Master and that Master would be like mine-comfortable and happy to let His girl play. i want to beaten side by side with this girl. i want to be tied up with this girl and made to play with her. i want, for once, to watch another be beaten in real time, with real reactions. my Master would not touch her unless permission was given, and likewise! Why is this so hard to find? It is all about talking and setting up boundaries with others and being honest. It would also be great to be able to hang out with a couple like this, just doing mundane shit like having a drink or watching movies or something. Are there any non-pretentious COOL M/s couples out there, for god's sake? We are REAL people who have made a choice to live a BDSM lifestyle. We hate the snooty Scottsdale swinger crowd. We are SO done with that. Please message me or Master Vaden and let's TALK for REAL!

Master said He was going to re-set the baseline this week; basically,get us to a place where I am thinking like a slave again, having it spill over into real life like we had started to do last year. I went to see a friend last night, and I was 4 minutes late getting home. I got a little extra during my beating last night but it wasn't as bad as I feared it was going to be. Maybe because it wasn't a huge transgression, but I will certainly try to not be late again-it's more about respect, really. I don't want to misbehave just for the sake of being a brat. I like walking the line. I like being good. I like having Master be happy with me.? Strange night last night. Master knows how much I love bondage, so He played with more rope than usual. He bound my knees, ankles, forearms and wrists, then tied me to the bed stretched longwise, and left me for about 15 minutes. I had to talk myself down from some claustrophobia-it was very hard. Having my knees tied together was the hardest part because it hurt the most, lying on my stomach. Tied up like that, you are left alone with your thoughts and with very little external stimuli, your mind can go to some weird places. I kept straining to hear His footsteps in the hall, and I kept jumping at shadows from the candlelight. He had left the door open in case I needed to call Him, so I knew I was safe, but it was still weird. It put me in such a strange place in my head. He came back and I was pretty much ready for anything, I was so dying for His attention. He lashed me a bit with the small leather cat that is finally falling apart (it was a cheapie anyway-but still leaves lovely little red stripes on me) and then did a little with the rubber flogger. He was more interested in the rope last night than beating me. He took me, hard, after He untied me, then we laid around for a little while, me on top of Him, doing some Master worship. I begged to kiss Him, and He generously let me, and Christ, if I didn't just lose myself completely...I went to this place in my head that I don't get to very often. It is hard to describe, but I feel very small and tiny and completely open to anything He wants. It is dark but exactly where I want to be. I started quietly begging Him to hurt me, to take me, I just needed so much to be? taken over and used and engulfed. It's the closest I have ever been to wanting to lose myself in him. I have never wanted to give all of myself to someone as much as I did last night. I would have literally done anything for Him, and when He threw me over onto my back and bit me on my neck, really hard, I almost screamed at the top of my lungs. ( Kids were asleep across the hall-so I couldn't.) He took me again and I have never felt so submissive-my entire world at that moment was Him and whatever He wanted. I feel different this morning. I feel more truly my slave-self. Sucks that the kids are out of school today because I just want to be alone to process this and my son needs so damned much from me. I want to figure this out, I want to embrace this newness and see where it goes. I feel strong yet weak. I feel like I could just do anything today. It's weird-by giving in I feel so much stronger. I am glad that He is there to protect me because in this state I am so suggestible-I would give in because it makes me happy to do so, and it would be dangerous to just do that for anyone. That is why I have such conflict when I have to discipline my son-it goes against my nature. But, I have to do it, and I will-parenting is just as important and I am shaping a life here. I love nights with Master where I can throw off the duty of parenthood and just be slave. Be ME. Be Master's girl.

I've said it before, I'll say it again-rattan canes HURT like a motherfucker. There is no getting around the sting of a nice little cane, administered by a sadistic Daddy who loves to use it, over and OVER again in the SAME GODDAMN place on my ass till I beg Him to move along. ;-) there is no wonder they used them in schools-talk about a Motivator! Nasty little fuckers! And yet, I can't get enough of it. I have a long red stripe down the back of each thigh today, in that place where the taut muscles are, where it stings for a long time after the stroke is left. I was admiring my hard-won marks this morning, heeheehee, sick little bitch that I am. Master says He was "re-setting the baseline", which is why I got a pretty good and hard session last night. It included the cane, the crop, the vicious little rubber flogger thingy that hurts even more than the cane-it feels like it is biting me-the heavy leather paddle and of course, Daddy's hands. He actually works up a bit of a sweat while beating me now-I guess I can take more than I used to, although I know other slaves out there can take incredible amounts of beating and not make a peep. I asked Him if He wanted me to be stoic and just bear it, not make a sound and not move. His answer was a resounding NO-He loves for me to react vocally and also to dance around. Thank the gods because if I had to process all that pain without any movement or sound I would go bonkers! It's so funny-I'll scream for Him to STOPSTOPSTOP-then immediately apologize and beg Him to continue. We've been doing this off and on (more on than off) for three years now, and you would think that at some point I would just get used to it all. It seems sometimes that every session is new to my body, and I love every minute of it. He loves it when I fight the restraints-I can't help it sometimes; I think it's just instinct because I really don't want to get away. I am truly happiest when I am tied up/down nice and snug and have very little movement. Bondage makes me go instantly into bliss. I love looking over and seeing the rope or chain taut and knowing that I CAN'T GET AWAY. I have been tying myself up since I was little and it is such a happy place for me. I know how lucky I am that I have found the perfect Master for me. He stands over me, poised, with an implement of ouchie in His hand, and I love seeing the hard glitter of lustful sadism in His eyes. Considering His public face, the contrast always makes me hot...He truly loves to hurt me and that is always lurking underneath the kind demeanor He projects. And then afterwards, after He has broken me yet again and I still have tears on my face from crying and cowering at His feet, we always go to sleep with me curled up on His chest and His arms around me. I know that I am safe, safe in the arms of my Master who 10 minutes before was causing me great suffering. I would do anything for Him, for to lose Him would be the worst punishment of all. Master, do what You will, hurt me however You want to, but please never let me go.

I don't know how other people with kids do this lifestyle. I can't imagine that they would want the kids being aware of the nature of a BDSM relationship! So, I have read all over the place about how other Masters and slaves do it, and all I can glean from it is that it is going to be difficult until they are gone. We have so many years to wait until the kids are gone, argh. Lately, I have been dying to delve deeper into making it more real-time, but it's just not possible. It is SO HARD to switch between being the Mom and being the slave....sometimes I really have to work to drag my brain out of slave-space and into Mom space.? There are nights that I just want to throw myself on the floor at His feet and grovel with my ass in the air, completely helpless and open to whatever. I want to be His dinner table and footstool. I want to see how far we can take it. I know this is who I am, even though there are other aspects of me that I show to the outside world that I like as well. I love the various jobs that I do to make money, and I am still a mother. Being Master's girl is a huge part of who I am now , though, and I hate to have to hide it. But it would be wrong to expose kids to that, of course, so the BDSM can only happen when they are not around or whatever. It is hard, so hard to hide it. I love being owned and love expressing it by being put into restraints, wearing my big collar and being used. I think we are back into a groove now. More blog later.

Goddamn....Master got me goooooood with the cane and crop last night, and nary a mark to be found! I actually tripped and feel smack on my ass earlier in the evening, and now have a huge lump and bruise on the side of my hip. Is this fair? NO!! And we decided to try the fisting route again also, not my ass thankfully, just my cunt for now. Just for fun. He has small hands for a man as large as he is, and he can get quite a bit in me. Guess I better keep up with the Kegels....it's not so much the physical sensation I like, it's about being completely helpless and open. MMMMMMMMM open. Hands tied over my? head and legs spread as far as they will go. He held my head down hard on the bed as he did it too. I felt very objectified. Heaven!!? I believe that tonite I am in for lots more of the crop. He has gotten very good with it. Fucker hurts!

Been awhile, huh? Lots of stuff has happened in the last 6 months or so, but it's all done now, so we are simply moving forward. Master and I have hitched a ride back to Kinkyville, and believe me when I say that its bright lights are beckoning. We recently acquired a riding crop and after only a short time, Master has certainly gotten comfortable with it. I love the harsh snap it makes as it come into contact with my skin. It hurts like a motherfucker, too...I have to be quiet when the kids are here, and it is SO hard to keep it down when he whacks me with it. Fucker HURTS. It's a heavier snap than the cane-it's not quite as stingy but certainly bites just as effectively. It left a couple small marks on my ass last night, but other than that, I am unmarked.? Funny thing is, I used to be SO easy to bruise-he used to be able to leave huge bruises on my thighs and ass, but now, no matter how hard he hits me, I remain white and unspolied. It's weird! I take iron every day but I have been doing that for a long time. Maybe it's because I have learned how to relax the muscles in the area that he is currently smacking at the moment. Or maybe it is all the Arnica I have rubbed into my ass over the last couple of years! At any rate, we are almost disappointed that I don't mark as easy. No, this is not a challenge for anyone, it's just something funny! It is kind of fun to go in and out of the whole BDSM thing. Thing is, though, we never truly leave it-sometimes we take a little hiatus for whatever reason. We always find it again and re-assume those roles. It's never all the way gone. It is SO lovely to re-discover it, though....opening up the trunk at the foot of the bed is like Kinky Christmas! He is truly my Owner, though, no matter what happens. I could never leave Him. It would take one hell of a Master to lure me away. He really owns me. I fear Him enough for things to be interesting when we are alone...and nobody vanilla I know would ever understand. He loves it when I flinch and to be honest, I do too. I love a man I can respect like that. He is never abusive to me...just strict. And mean and cruel and ouchie and I love it. So I have discovered I like Him slapping my face. This was a hard limit for many years, but just recently I asked Him to do it. And then do it again. And again! I was on my little stool the other night, giving Him head and He pulled my head back by my hair and slapped me. Not hard enough to make my head spin or to actually hurt me, just enough to get my attention. He shoved His cock back in my mouth for a few ticks, then slapped me again. We did this routine for about 15 minutes and ohhhhhhh it was lovely. Degredation is a wonderful thing with someone you love. So, yeah...riding crop. I look forward to knowing it better. Master is also making some noise about a singletail. !

Reading over my last journal entry, I realize how silly I was being about this whole thing, not because I think I'm irresistible or anything, just because I lost some of my focus. All that really matters is what Master wants and needs...I guess I felt like a failure on some level-like I was letting Master down by not doing enough to attract others to us. I realize that's not the case, and some people just aren't into what we are... I'm not ugly or anything even though I could be in better shape, and I am simply not everyone's cup of tea! I need to remember to just be happy being who I am, Master's good girl. We went to that same party last night (they have it every month)...and what a difference. Master had me strung up on two seperate occasions and it was just heavenly. Hard flogging, spanking and caning did wonderful things to get me back to where I needed to be. I have a beautiful big purple and red bruise on my right ass cheek and I am very proud of it. It has been a little while since he marked me so well. We got to play with two other couples, one we had played with before and the other who was a pleasant surprise, they were so fun. I am sore and bruised and slightly tired and completely happy. Next time, Master says I will be used even more, by men who He will carefully select, now that we have gotten to know better some of the regular people who go to this party. I may not even be allowed to know who they will be when it happens. This is a particular fantasy of mine that I am eager to have fulfilled. Master says I am to make Him proud. You better believe that I will do my best to follow that order. :-D

Something I just don't understand-if you had the opportunity to play with a willing slave, in fact, you had the personal invitation from her Master to come up and touch her, what would you do? Master and I went to a great swinger party on Saturday, and had fun because the owner of the house is a domme (for all intents and purposes), but even though lots of people watched us while I was on the cross and other things, no one seemed to be interested in us. It was the first time I had ever not freaked out being publicly nude...and it was very liberating. But Master invited I don't know how many people to come up and touch me (even for one man to put himself in my mouth), but no takers. I felt unwanted. I'm not a perfect model but I'm not gross either. It was weird. I guess maybe there were just too many vanillas there to understand. And I can't believe how many people were drunk too...but overall, it was a good experience and I did get to play with a lovely lady we both have enjoyed before. I just wish I could have been able to convey to some of those people how much I wanted to be used-I can't make Master happy as His toy unless I am played with, and He loves for me to please others for Him. Maybe we just scared them off, but it was funny how many people came up to Master and started asking questions. I loved being an example-that much was great fun. I loved being on display, and for me to say that shows how far I have come and how much I trust Master. It was very freeing. He loves to show me off, and I was very happy that I pleased Him so well. ?It was just weird, that strange feeling of being unwanted. I know I probably shouldn't worry about it. Master loves me and that is all that really matters.

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