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Female Switch, 26, Amerillo, Tennessee
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Male Switch, 47
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Male Dominant, 56, bristol
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About reddelicious
Searching for real time property ownership, slave relationship
DOES THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP EXIST?
I am confident that the Universe will bring me what I need this year for myself and my family. I am a dominant woman, I enjoy things my way and I am very particular about what I want.
I am not super out-going, I enjoy reading over parties. I am sort of a homebody and I am very relaxed and down to earth. My homelife is very domesticated I have two children at home. My relationship would look very vanilla to the outside world. I am not looking to dominate professionally, I am not looking ror a harem of men idealistically, although it does sound nice. Most of the pictures you see of my body do not reflect that I do weigh more now at 216. However I am very active and I have indulged some since the birth of my child.
So I anticipate great things and I look forward to a loving relationship with a little kink attached. Read more
Let me show you the perfect scenario of what I am looking for....
This should be read and realized before replying....
This is taken from copywritten material, just to show you an idea of what I am looking for.
http://www.godfatherdom.com/wst_page8.html
StartFragment A Typical Nurturing Dom's Submission ?
When a presub's offer to submit is accepted and is finalized with 24/7, pledges, and initiation ceremony (if any), the typical submission might well have certain limitations. For instance :
initial limited submission
authority : the sub would retain authority in the sub's family, friends, and work relationships, where the Dom could, at most, advise on the sub's thinking and actions. The Dom would have complete authority in their personal relationship.
powers : the sub would retain all powers, including the power to feel and think, except the sub's powers to act in the personal interrelationship with the Dom would be subject to his complete control or delegation.
responsibilities : the sub would fundamentally be responsible to expand the sub's giving to the fullest extent possible and feasible, in all relations, with the Dom and all others, under the authority of the Dom. That includes expanding the sub's relater's sensitivity, being totally open to the Dom, and serving and obeying the Dom while learning under the Dom's tutelage. The sub would recognized and practice total openness to the Dom, as that is the ultimate basis for the submission to prosper and last. The Dom would be responsible for putting the sub's interests first, in protecting and nourishing, and teaching how to be the best that the sub can be, including discipline and punishment for disobedience.
limits : hard limits would contain all the responsibilities of the Dom's oath to nurture, protect, support, and teach the sub, in accordance with the limited authority the sub granted on submitting to the Dom. Soft limits within those hard limits would be on specific actions and established by the sub's concerns alone. This is one power delegated by the Dom.
In time, and with numerous learning experiences for both parties, it would be expected that the initial limited submission would evolved into an enduring total submission.
enduring submission
authority : the sub would surrender all authority over her life to the Dom.
powers : the sub would retain all powers, including the power to feel and think for themselves, except the powers to act in all aspects of the sub's life would be subject to the Dom's complete control or delegation.
responsibilities : the sub would fundamentally be responsible to expand the sub's giving to the fullest extent possible and feasible, in all relations, with her Dom and all others, under the authority of her Dom. That includes expanding the sub's relater sensitivity, being totally open to the Dom, and serving and obeying the Dom while learning under the Dom's tutelage. The sub would recognized and practice total openness to the Dom, as that is the ultimate basis for the submission to prosper and last. The Dom I would be responsible for putting the sub's interests first, in protecting and nourishing, and teaching how to be the best that the sub can be, including discipline and punishment for disobedience.
limits : hard limits would contain all the responsibilities of the Dom's oath to nurture, protect, support, and teach the sub, in accordance with the total authority granted on submitting to the Dom. Soft limits within those hard limits would be on specific actions and established by the sub's concerns alone. This is one power delegated by the Dom. If the Dom and the sub were at all competent in their roles, the sub would never be concerned by any limits on the Dom's actions, and the Dom would be fully capable of maintaining the sub's actions with discipline and punishment so as to protect the submission.
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The Secretary
Movie
Lee Holloway is a smart, quirky woman in her twenties who returns to her hometown in New Jersey after a brief stay in a mental hospital. In search of relief from herself and her oppressive childhood environment, she starts to date a nerdy friend from high school and takes a job as a secretary in a local law firm. She soon develops an obsessive crush on her older boss, Mr. Grey. Through their increasingly bizarre relationship, Lee follows her deepest longings to the heights of masochism and finally to a place of self-affirmation.
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Earshot Misery
You stay all in one piece when broken
Kind remarks, and your words soft-spoken
Driving far from the path of destruction
Coming ever so close to throwing it all away again
Is this all some great big lie?
Twisted and working on something deep down
That you should?ve never kept inside
How much must I live through just to get away?
(All this tension and so alive)
How much must I live through just to get away?
(All these pressure that makes your head feel so tired)
You've been through the worst encounters
Searching out the truth, the light, and way
You have thoughts of peace and silence
Coming ever so close to giving it all away again
Is this all some great big lie?
Sick and disturbing, you want no answers
But you should've never looked inside
How much must I live through just to get away?
(All this tension and so alive)
How much must I live through just to get away?
(All these pressure that makes your head feel so tired)
And sometimes it seems easier to burn it to the ground
Can we get away now?
Can we get away now?
Can we get away now?
please just let this go away |
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Since I have found any really devoted and available submissive males on here, which is disappointing, none are too eager to get started. I am going to have to resort to using the six male slaves for hire that I know, gee how sad. All the responses I have gotten are kind of luke warm and some are demanding, and I do not have the time or patience for that. So I will hire my slaves, no strings attached housework, and the boys who wanted to be tortured and abused will have to wait, and I do not know when I will be ready, I guess I want my needs met now and I do not have to wait....I always get what I want, and I do not play games. So tommorrow a room full of boys, but no bdsm I'm afraid.... oh well |
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Wanted boy to torture asap! |
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Today I am wishing
For warm sun on my face
For the rain the stop!
For a nice boy to come
A clean environment
Some good meals
a boy to torture and yell at. |
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The Healthy Submissive
By Yalda Tovah
"Discipline gives total freedom;
it allows you to go beyond your limitations, to break through
boundaries and reach the highest goal. The path to discipline will
not only save a person's life, it will also give it meaning. How? By
introducing him to deeper joys and deeper longings, by creating a
silence in which the whisper of the heart can be heard. Truly,
discipline is the road to liberation."
--Gurumayi Chidvilasananda
In this discussion, I will be talking primarily about the female
heterosexual submissive, because I don't know enough about non-
heterosexual female submissives and Dominants to know whether this
analysis is completely applicable. This focus is not to suggest that
lesbian female submissives and their challenges are less worthy of
study, merely that I am not equipped at this time to do such a study.
So often, women who are newly aware of their submissive needs endure
a period of self doubt around the troubling question: am I sick? I've
seen women read the psychiatric diagnostic manual (DSM-IV) and then
ask, "do I have borderline personality disorder?"
I am writing here not ONLY about the sexual aspects: "am I sick
because I get turned on by images of being taken, used, forced, swept
away by masculine energy more powerful than my own?"; I am also
writing about the nonsexual aspects of being submissive: "am I sick
because I yearn to depend on, and follow the lead of, a man stronger
than myself?"
I will attempt to address both aspects in this essay.
What precisely fuels this kind of question, "am I sick?" Why would a
woman discovering the language of her nature think she has a mental
disorder? Or at the very least, have something very wrong with her?
A submissive discovers, or more properly, realizes and acknowledges
that she functions AT HER BEST in relation to another. And the more
intimate, holding, containing that relationship, the better she feels
and the better she performs in cardinal areas of adult life: work,
friendships, and parenting. Realizing she is at her best in such
relation makes her wonder why she can't do it for herself? Why does
she need such a relationship to accomplish what she should be able to
do for herself?
In thinking about this, I have come to question the cultural
determinants of what is considered the highest good. Here in Western
society, we place highest value on independence, on "pull yourself up
by the bootstraps", on the lone pioneer, the trailblazer, the less
needy and more self sufficient. We value competition over
cooperation, tangible acheivement over acheivement in relationship.
We pay big bucks to men (and the few women) who run big corporations,
and less to the nursery school teachers, the nurses, the secretaries,
the social workers, the caregivers rather than the producers.
There is something wrong with believing that such independence is the
only good. It is especially wrong for the most relatedness-oriented
among us, the submissive female.
Part of the newly aware submissive's task is to separate out the
internalized voices of her culture: those voices that tell her she is
too needy, too dependent, too focused on the others in her life. Once
she can articulate what those voices tell her, she can begin to
question not HERSELF, but the validity of those internalized values,
using her own yardstick to measure her life, rather than our
culture's standard.
We can see how perspective is critical in understanding a phenomenon.
In a study of moral development in children, for example, Dr. Robert
Coles, in a study of moral development in children, researched how
children decide what is good and right. To do this, he presented
several scenarios describing a moral or ethical dilemma, presented
the scenario to school age children, and analyzed the results. The
description of the study here is to illustrate the nature of cultural
bias and it's impact on individuals.
One of Dr. Cole's scenarios was as follows:
A man has a very, very sick wife, so sick she could die if she
doesn't get a particular, very expensive medicine. The man doesn't
have the money for the medicine, so in desperation he steals it from
a pharmacy.
The children are asked questions about this scenario. Coles found
that boys tended to conclude that the man should be punished, because
the law is the law, and nobody should break the law. Coles saw this
as a higher order of moral reasoning, reflecting the statement, "a
nation of laws, not of men." That is, that nobody is above the law,
and the rule of law is not situationally defined. The boys applied an
abstract universal principle to a singular instance. Coles understood
this ability to transcend the personal as a "more evolved" form of
moral development.
The girls were deeply troubled by the scenario, and most of them
sought ways to solve the man's problem within the context of
relatedness: they wondered if the man could ask the pharmacist for
the medicine, and offer to work for him to pay for it, or pay him
back later. They wondered if the man had friends who could help him
pay for the medicine, and they believed he shouldn't be punished for
his act of desperation. Their sense of right was situational, and
defined within the context of relatedness. They did not come to
articulate an abstract universal principle, but sought to solve the
problem within the context presented. Coles saw this as a less
logical, lower order of moral development because the girls could not
emotionally distance themselves from the central human drama in the
scenario.
After Coles' work was published a woman named Carol Gilligan reviewed
the studies that Cole had done and reanalyzed them, in a book
called, "In a Different Voice." Rather than seeing the boys'
responses as evidence of "higher" development and the girls'
as "lower" she redefined them as different. And she pointed out that
the girls responses, so firmly rooted in human context and
relatedness were devalued by a society in which the typically
masculine is of more cultural worth than the typically feminine. She
asked, "why is it considered a 'higher' order of moral development to
value universal principle over human context?" and in so doing
highlighted the sexism inherent in the analysis.
As we can see, this type of analysis is extremely useful in
understanding typical submissive conflicts. We tend to ask the wrong
questions: "am I bad, sick, weak?", when we should be asking, "is
there something missing from the yardstick I use to measure myself?"
If one looks at capacity for relatedness as a strength, as a good,
then it becomes clear that the submissive has a talent for this, for
relatedness. And that seeking a partner who can meet her need for
this relatedness is a good thing, a healthy thing.
If we begin our analysis without the cultural assumptions about what
is of "higher" value, we can begin to understand that it is possible
for a woman to be submissive, and to be healthy. And we can try to
imagine what a healthy submissive functions like, and how she
developed her adult personality. Let's start backwards, and ask
ourselves, what might a healthy adult submissive woman "look" like,
psychologically speaking:
1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense,
intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in
the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships
she makes over the years.
2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration
herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do
good for others.
3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in
the context of a sustaining relationship.
4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly
related. She is at ease in that place.
5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity.
She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.
6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that
enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.
7. The healthy submissive is playful.
8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural
conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.
9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.
10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that
while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has
strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness"
about those needs.
11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.
12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself "as is" is tolerant
of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her
truth should be.
13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of
her difficulties as well as her strengths.
14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense
and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she
is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless.
The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from
which springs her service.
What makes a woman a submissive?
As with all conjectures about human development, the answer is likely
two-fold: a combination of nature and nurture, biology and
environment.
There is a whole body of literature that makes observations about
temperment. This literature talks about the variations in behavior in
infancy as a manifestation of temperment: the expression of
regularity, responsiveness, and reactivity. In the area of
regularity, some infants are regular and predictable from the get-go:
they sleep regularly, wake at predictable intervals to nurse, and
have predictable periods of alertness in which they begin the
earliest socialization. Some infants are irregular: they will one day
sleep for an 8 hour stretch, then be awake all night, the next day
they will sleep for one hour intervals through a 24 hour period. In
the area of responsiveness, some infants will find novelty and
intense stimulation aversive, and will withdraw or become irritable
when presented with those; some infants are stimulated to engage and
explore novelty and intense stimulation. Some infants have high
thresholds for sensation, requiring a relatively intense stimulus to
become aversive, some have low thresholds, and respond to mild
stimulation. Some infants will for example, be intensely distressed
by a wet diaper; some will not register discomfort until diaper rash
sets in.
The sum total of these innate, biologically founded responses make up
temperment. It is easy to see what people mean by an "easy" baby: one
who sleeps, eats, and eliminates regularly and predictably; one who
has a moderate response to stimulation, neither withdrawing nor
reacting intensely; one who is drawn easily into social exchanges,
and provides pleasurable reinforcement of socialization with their
caregivers, one who is easily "read" and easily comforted, one who
accepts change without undue distress.
I think one of the traits in this biologically grounded array that
makes up temperment is common to all submissives. And that is social
responsiveness. I would suggest that the baby who is
tempermentally "set" to register and respond selectively and
sensitively to social cues has the seeds of submissiveness in her
nature. This is the baby that will search the environment for a human
face; who will be attuned to, and very responsive to the human voice;
who will preferentially and selectively attend to, and process, human
interaction.
This baby, as she grows into childhood, will be easy to control, to
shape, especially if she is tempermentally on the "easy" side. This
little girl will be exquisitely sensitive to criticism and
correction, to disapproval, to praise. Rather than requiring a raised
voice to correct, a raised eyebrow will often do.
Even further, this little girl will be exquisitely sensitive to
nuance: she will know when others are angry, hurt, sad, bewildered
even when they are not spoken about. She has a "sixth sense" about
people.
As children do, she requires the adults in her life to validate her
perceptions when appropriate. Let's say her parents are troubled by a
financial stress, and like good, responsible parents seek to shield
her from their stress. The child will pick up on the unspoken
tension, sensitive as she is to subtleties of body language, voice
pitch, facial expression. She might inquire of her parents what is
wrong, and be told "nothing is wrong, honey... go and play." This
leaves the child confused: she knows in that way that she knows, that
something is wrong. But her perceptions are not validated. She is
told nothing is wrong. But her parents, who are not at their best,
may be a little short with her, and picking THAT up too, she goes off
to play concluding that she must have done something wrong, to be
sent away. Part of this is the megalomania of childhood, part of this
is a reasonable and logical synthesis of resolving the child's felt
sense of things with what she is told.
This kind of interaction, repeated over the years, in the BEST and
most loving of families, leads to an adult personality in which there
is some anxiety associated with relatedness. The submissive female
learns to scan the social environment for signs of trouble, seeks
to "fix" the trouble, and all too often, believes herself to be the
cause of the trouble. If someone important is tired, the submissive
has exhausted them. If someone important is angry, the submissive
must have angered them. If someone important is disappointed, the
submissive must have failed them.
This trait, this interpersonal sensitivity in its highest expression
is when the submissive accurately registers interpersonal nuance, and
responds to it with a minimun of self-referral, recognizing that
other's emotional states may have nothing to do with the submissive
herself. This is how it works for the healthy submissive, who as an
adult, often finds great fulfillment working in fields such as social
work, nursing, medicine, counselling, teaching.
There are certain vulnerabilities a child constituted with a
submissive nature faces.
Because of her intense awareness of interpersonal nuance, she is
highly sensitive to both criticism and praise. When criticized, she
is likely to feel intense shame; when praised, intense pleasure.
Since the shame feels so bad, and the praise so pleasurable, she
becomes a people-pleaser. This tends to lead to the development of
what psychologists call "an external locus of control." Meaning that
child bases her self assessment (am I good or bad?) on factors
outside herself. The female submissive defines herself based on what
others tell her she is.
Parents have enormous responsibility with such an influenceable
child. Nascent talents can either be nurtured or aborted with just a
word. This child will likely live up, or down to, whatever is
expected of her. Expect more than she can constitutionally do (like
academic, athletic, or social success) and she will develop an
intense sense of inferiority. Praise her out of proportion to her
talents (this is the BEST drawing any child EVER did) and she will
develop an inflated sense of self. Accurately and sensitively
validate her real abilities and talents, and she will seek goals
appropriate to her ability, and take pleasure in acheiving them.
When the environment is reality based, sensitive, and balanced, the
child grows up embracing her special ability to be "related" to
others, to be sensitive, and has a sense of self in reasonable tune
with her true abilities and vulnerabilities, neither excessively self
effacing or self aggrandizing.
But if development should go awry, as it too often does for this
child, the personality traits she has develop in a distorted manner,
and cause her difficulties.
In dysfunctional families, this child suffers more than others with
tougher hides, less reactive temperments. She is often the one
singled out for physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Her very nature
makes her available for use: for the parent's angers, frustrations,
sexual impulses, or narcissistic gratification.
When a submissive child is misused in this fashion, she is unable to
utilize her interpersonal talents in a constructive way. She must
either develop rigid defenses that constrain her ability to be
flexible as an adult, or be blown about by the winds of other's
emotions all her life, or become stuck in what are popularly
called, "co-dependent relationships."
Women who emerge from childhood with these traits will be more or
less consciously submissive in that they are STILL moldable,
controllable by others. Those who don't consciously seek a Dominant
partner will naturally gravitate to a man who influences, controls
her in a benevolent manner. Who accepts her, loves her, nurtures her,
and values her sensitivity.
Those who consciously seek a Dominant partner are those who are
perhaps, so sensitive that they require not only benevolence, but
someone who understands PRECISELY how moldable and influenceable they
are, and is capable of using the power to mold her and influence her
deliberately and consciously, for her good and the good of the
relationship.
In that kind of relationship, the submissive is freed to be all of
herself. She is safe enough to feel her exquisitely sensitive
reactions to others, to play like a child, to give care and to take
care, to be angry, to lose shame.
There is a strength beyond measure in self knowledge and acceptance.
There is freedom in jettisoning shame, in letting go of "shoulds."
To know oneself as a submissive woman, to accept that it is neither
the terrible thing that society tells us it is, nor the only right
and true way to be for OTHERS, is to be free. What is, is.
There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the
strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to
yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip another's
soul bare, and the power to stand naked.
Do not mistake following for weakness, for it is not. Do not mistake
yielding for weakness, for in yielding there is resilience. Do not
mistake the submissive's need for relatedness for inability to be
alone.
Submissive women are not weaklings. They are sensitive people who
have a great deal of resilience in the face of their particular
challenges.
Submissiveness is a strength seeking a proper context.
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A slave will never be truly happy or content in her life if she is un-
owned. A slave's most profound freedom is found within her Master's
chains. Within these chains, she is free to live as she is destined
to live to serve and please, and to be pleased in return for the
privilege to serve and please her Master.
A slave should never think of herself as a weak person for it takes a
strong female to commit to the drive inside her, to serve, to obey
and to please a Master.
A slave chooses willingly to be her Master's property. As a slave is
her Master's property and an object of great value she is an
instrument Master will use to draw out His pleasures.
Above all else a slave's primary and foremost focus shall be to
please her Master, hoping that her Master finds her pleasing in all
that she does, whether she is in her Master's presence or not. All of
a slave's choices shall be based upon whether or not they will please
her Master. A slave and a slave's behavior are a direct reflection
and representation on her Master.
When a slave is not in the presence of her Master and has choices to
make - the slave will perform them to the best of her abilities and
within the boundaries and guidance as her Master has allowed her.
A slave is always in submission to her Master whether her Master is
present or not, ready to please her Master at anytime, in any place,
under any circumstances, regardless of who may be present.
Unless a slave is privileged, that her Master, has specifically
granted her a privilege, a slave has no rights, within her service to
her Master. A slave may however be granted the privilege of a "voice"
by her Master. All granted privileges and "voices", may be withdrawn
at the Masters sole discretion.
As a slave no rights, other than what her Master grants or privileges
her, a slave shall ask permission of her Master, for anything she
does, or to satisfy whatever need she might have before acting on it.
A slave is a slave by the most literal definition of that word. A
slave with any rights whatsoever is not a slave; an owner who does
not own a slave completely, does not own the slave at all.
Only in absolute bondage and slavery, with complete and total
submission, obedience and respect to her Master, shall a slave
fulfill her potential and destiny. Through discipline and punishment
shall a slave learn to behave, submit, obey and please.
As a slave is her Masters absolute and unconditional property, a
slave shall not have any limits of her own nor shall the slave ever
place any restrictions upon her Master. A slave shall ultimately
adopt to the boundaries set for her by her Master.
It is the Masters sole responsibility to train, educate, mold and
shape his slave according to His needs and desires, and therefore set
the limits, boundaries and slave rules for His slave in accordance
with His judgment.
The needs of a slave's Master must always come first before the
slave's own for they offer an opportunity to please her Master.
A slave's greatest felt satisfaction is realized when she knows she
has pleased her Master. There can be no greater pain or suffering a
slave can feel then when Master is not pleased with her.
A slave's Master has the final decisions in all matters and issues,
as a slave is her Master's slave and property and must trust in the
wisdom, judgment and fairness of her Master in all matters, whether
she understands, realizes or agrees with her Masters decision at any
particular time or not.
As her Master's slave and property, a slave shall not and cannot
release herself, from the duties, collar and/or service to her
Master, without her Master's explicit approval and permission.
A slave is therefore not free to release herself from her collar and
leave her Master at any time without disgrace and shame and the fear
of permanently losing her Master.
A slave must realize that her service as slave and property to her
Master, as well as the acceptance of any and all slave rules, orders,
commands and wishes, is the direct result of her consensual
agreement, that she has petitioned and entered strictly voluntary, as
such are her deepest desires, wishes and needs.
A slave shall be her Master's property and slave in the most strict
sense - absolute, completely and unconditional, for as long as her
Master chooses and the arrangement continues to be managed and
controlled in the manner which is beneficial to her Master and in
accordance with their mutually shared natures.
A slave shall never ever think of, confuse, entitle, speak of,
categorize, and/or portray any and all activities, play scenes,
disciplinary measures, punishments, orders and/or commands within her
service and duty as slave and property of her Master, as "abuse"
or "abusive". Not to herself, her Master, or to any other person, as
she is her Master's slave and property.
As a slave is her Master's property, a Master is completely
responsible for His slave's behavior, action and deed, care and
safety, health and wellbeing - physically and mentally, and
ultimately her life in accordance with God's Law, and her Masters
values, standards and principles.
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Where To Draw The Line
Choices of a Master and slave
By Norische
When one decides to become a Master or Mistress there are some very
important questions that must be asked and answered. The most common
question is what is the difference between a slave and a submissive?
I have read books, and articles, attended orientations and speeches,
and
talked to hundreds of individuals about this one simple question.
However
there are other questions that need to be
addressed as well.
When you consider a Master/Mistress and slave relationship you must
consider
what exactly a slave is. What rights is a slave allowed?
What behaviours are acceptable? What consequences are permitted? These
questions and ones like them should be addressed by the
Master/Mistress and
the slave during negotiations. When an arrangement for service is
made there
are many things that must be
discussed? sleeping arrangements, finances, duties, obligations, and
behaviours must all be analyzed and understood.
Here are ten such questions, each one I have answered based on my
personal
experience, and preferences. These are by no means the only questions
that a
Master/Mistress must address during negotiations, however they are
very
important questions.
1. Should a slave be allowed safe words?
Many say that a slave is not allowed to have safe words, due to the
fact
that he or she is a slave. The first time that I was asked this
question I
responded by stating that the slave and the
Master/Mistress should have gone through extensive negotiations in
order to determine their possible compatibility, and in doing so any
boundaries that the slave had should be duly noted in the contract
agreement
between the two parties. Hence there is no logical reason why a slave
should
have safe words, if the Master/Mistress is indeed following the
guidelines
of the original contract.
Since that time I have found that there are many things that may
come into play within a relationship that may or may not have been
thought about during the negotiations. My submissive, betsy, has
certain medical conditions and takes medication that may effect her
pain
threshold, or her ability to carry out certain instructions. Hence
she is
permitted safe words.
On a standard I will allow a slave to use a safe word for a limited
time,
this will give me time to familiarize myself with him or her.
To know where his or her pain threshold is, and to build the
necessary trust that is present in any good relationship. I have
found that for the most part, even though the safe word is still
present, after about 6 months the slave no longer uses the word. Due
both to
the trust between myself and my slave, and the fact that I know his
or her
body, what they like and dislike, and where his or her limits are.
2. Should a slave be allowed to use a safe word to stop a
punishment?
This one is a very interesting question. If you give a slave the
right to use a safe word, then that safe word must be observed at
any time, no matter when or in what context.
However, I do not punish by inflicted pain on an individual. I am a
sadist,
I enjoy inflicting pain?to me punishment is something that is meant
to be
unpleasant for both the recipient and the individual inflicting the
punishment. I use other forms of punishment, such as quiet time, extra
chores, standing in the corner, writing sentences, writing essays,
the list
goes on and on?it all depends on the transgression. So my answer is
rather
complex; if you allow safe words?honor them at all times. But consider
non-physical punishments as an alternative.
3. Should a slave be allowed limits?
During negotiations a slave should be allowed to voice any limits he
or she
has. Personally I feel everyone has limits, even if they will not
admit to
it. My limits are rather simple, no children, no
animals, no dead people, no drugs, no age play, no breath play, no
diapers, no scat, no urine, no gun play. Most of the time a slave
will say something along the line of "my limits are your limits".
That however may or may not be true, ask specifically if the slave
has any phobias, such as claustrophobia?cages would then be a limit?
some
people over look phobias, and moral issues that may be
forgotten until it is too late.
A slave should not place something as a limit if he or she has no
experience with it; a limit is an informed opinion not an uneducated
fear.
4. Should a slave be allowed the option of choosing his or her sexual
orientation?
Some individuals have a real problem with homosexuality, it may be a
moral
or religious issue and they find themselves incapable of
performing with individuals of the same sex. In such circumstances I
feel
that this issue should be placed in the contract as a limit.
I personally prefer my individuals to be bisexual, that way if I
desire them to perform in any specific manner there will be no
issues. This is actually something that I look for in a slave, if I
have
guests over and I wish to give my male slave to a male Dominant for
his
entertainment then I do not wish to have a slave that behaves poorly
or
embarrasses me in front of guests.
5. Should a slave be allowed to choose and practice his or her
preferred
religion?
This is one area that I feel a Master or Mistress has no place
interfering in. My submissive is of Jewish heritage, although she
is "pagan" by choice. During her first Christmas with me I bought
her a Menorah, when I gave it too her she cried and stated that she
had
never had one of her very own. She informed me that no other Master or
Mistress had ever cared about her religious preferences, and no one
had ever
made an effort to understand her beliefs. I feel that an individuals
spiritual nature is part of what makes them who they are, and hence I
feel
it is very important for a Master/Mistress not to interfere in this
portion
of a slaves life, in fact he or she should encourage the slave to
embrace
their spiritual nature.
6. Should a slave be allowed vacation time?
I give each of my slaves/subs two weeks vacation each year. I do
this for several reasons, one to give them time to visit their
friends and family, two to give them time on their own to rest and
relax, and three to give us each time away from each other so we
don't drive each other insane. I do require the slave/sub to let me
know at
least one month in advance and the vacation must be approved of by me,
before the time is given off. This is also a good time that they can
seek
out additional training if they so choose.
7. Should a slave be allowed to refuse a command or directive
that they find fault in, disagree with, or question?
Within certain boundaries and if done in a proper, respectful manner
then
yes, the slave should be allowed to question any command or directive.
However, I do believe that a Master/Mistress is by no means obligated
to
answer the questions or to explain him or herself.
To refuse to follow a command, this should only be permitted if
there are legal, safety or moral issues involved. If at anytime the
Master/Mistress asks the slave to do anything that is illegal, or may
put
them in danger or knowingly asks them to do something that the slave
has a
moral issue with, the orders are improper and should be questioned.
8. Should a slave be allowed to pursue romantic interests
outside the BDSM relationship?
I do not feel that it is appropriate for a slave to pursue other
individuals while he or she is serving a Master/Mistress.
9. Should a slave be allowed to refuse training or education if they
so
desire?
I feel that all training has its good points, and that to increase
the knowledge, understanding and/or skill of oneself should be
pursued. I would not require my individuals to be trained in
something that would be inappropriate or something that I did not
desire them to have further knowledge of. I do not feel that a slave
should
be allowed to refuse training.
10. Should a slave be allowed to amend or make changes to a
contract at any time?
Lives change, people grow?I feel that as the relationship changes
that the foundation of that relationship may need to be updated.
While I do not feel that the slave should have the right to make
irrelevant or inappropriate changes to the contract, I do feel that
they
should be allowed the right to request the contract be examined and
updated
as needed.
These questions are just examples and the answers are my opinions
alone. If you have an opinion that differs from mine then by all
means voice your opinion, we learn by listening to others and
gaining in knowledge and understanding.
Remember communication is the smoothest path to understanding.
As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave
the
rest |
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This interesting world of d&s which you are in, or interested in
considering can be complex and somewhat daunting. There are different
rules, or no rules... things are not always what they seem, and more
than just subs get turned upside down.
The complexity of the relationships may in some ways explain the
intensity of the emotions involved. For me, the realization that the
d/s relationship seems to exist in five dimensions began to explain
many things. If this analogy and framework work for you, and helps,
then you are welcome to embrace it and make it yours. If it doesnt
work for you, feel free to modify consider or recreate one that
better does so. Either way, we, as a community are better served.
The five dimensions you ask? I see d/s dimensions as being: sensual,
sexual, emotional, mental, and spiritual In my concept, each partner
has a need to give and or receive something in each of the five
dimensions
The sensual dimension is rather straightforward, and encompases the
five senses of touch, sight, smell, taste, and hearing. The
individual may like some stimulation, lots of stimulation, or the
absence of stimulation in one, or more of the senses. The masochist
likes lots of touch (received) etc. The use of more than one of the
senses allows the dom/me to intensify the experience as he/she sees
necessary :)
The sexual dimension I separate here to acknowledge those who play,
but find it unnecessary to progress to sexual union. Heck even I have
been known to do non-sexual scenes from time to time. Satisfaction
here, or even participation is a dimension that is important issue in
our community, and a dimension to be recognized. And we make no
suggestion here that sex, or no-sex is the best, right or wrong, just
that it can exist, and the relationship may exit, with or without
intercourse.
The emotional dimension has to do with feelings towards the partner,
and in this dimension I will include trust (could reside here or with
the mental dimension). For some it is difficult to play with someone
for who you feel no belonging, trust, attachment, respect, or love.
For others it(emotion) is a minefield that they refuse or are unable
to participate in.
The mental dimension is perhaps better described as the imagination,
and is linked/accessed by the dom through one of the five doorways of
the senses. The sub can be happy in her own imaginary world, but the
dom entering there can add so much more. This dimension is
manipulated by the experienced dom to reinforce her needs and
desires, and heighten the sensual excitement. mindplay.
The spiritual dimension is that last part of the sub which she has to
give and offer to her dom. It can be given or not. TPE and long term
master slave relationships have it as the glue to hold things
together perhaps. This one is perhaps controversial, and I perhaps
not the best to pontificate thereupon ...:)
If you recognize that these dimensions exist, you can consider your
needs and your partner's (prospective) needs, as well as your own
abilities to satisfy your partner's needs. If you understand that
these aspects need to be considered, and what you are, and where you
are going, then perhaps this tool has alreday served you well.
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Glossary Following is a brief listing of words, some common in the wider D/s, but where my understanding and usage may differ from that common practice. Gender designation is irrelevant unless otherwise stated.
personal relationships A person-to-person relationship that contains only minor social aspects -- that is, minor elements of social organization, institutions, or ideologies and values.
social relationships A person-to-person relationship based on elements of social organization, institutions, ideologies, or values, but will also always be lubricated or disrupted by minor aspects of personal relations.
wider D/s The intimate personal relationships that are continuous for a period (including where disrupted by distance or other conditions) and where one party (the submitter) consensually yields or gives partial or total authority to the other party (the dominant).
relatedness The complex of qualities and attributes that relate to the depth and range of personal relations, from strong relaters to weak relaters.
strong relaters Sensitive to the emotions of others, empathic, strong relaters seek ever deeper personal relations.
weak relaters Lacking relatedness talents, skills, and drive, weak relaters usually rely on well honed social relationships.
victimized A person who is victimized is one who, unwillingly, is harmed (physiologically and psychologically, or psychologically) in an interaction with another person or institution. Strong relaters are most often and most deeply victimized, but anyone can be victimized. Weak relaters can be victimized, too, usually resulting in bullying or domineering personalities. (Not to be confused with a victim.)
victim With enough of these minor victimization traumas, or a few major ones, the person victimized can become a full-scale victim when they willingly, even if grudgingly, accept the harmful relation and do not oppose it, physiologically or psychologically. They accept that, in general, the fault lies within them. A dominant personality who is crushed by victimization is no dominant but a victim.
love The most complicated mix of human emotions and can be a factor in all kinds of personal relationships. In the most intimate personal
relationships intimate love is overwhelmingly the basis. In D/s relationships the basis is the surrender of the submitter and acceptance by the dominant, and their intimate love is based on that complementary union.
polyamory The intimate loving of more than one other person at the same time.
submitter Submissive is used, by convention, as an adjective. D/s people have used it universally as an adnoun for the submitter in D/s. But, even so, it is still misleading, as it is identical in sound to the general term, submissive, but in my opinion (IMO), it is very different in meaning. Therefore, I choose to use submitter in D/s until and even after the varied characteristics of D/s submitters can be established.
submissive submitter A natural strong relater with significant victimization traits who seeks the haven of submission by surrendering most or all authority to a complementary dominant. Her submissive practices are usually the surface contours of her devotion and respect for her dominant's ability to accept her self totally.
gifting submitter A natural strong relater with little or no victimization traits who seeks fulfillment by giving up most or all of authority over her life to a complementary dominant. Fully realizing the nature of her strong relatedness, and its liberation by her dominant, she can achieve a deeper D/s and deeper relations in all areas of her life.
strong submitter A submissive or gifting submitter who has strong or dominant personalities in other areas of her life, but not with her dominant.
slave submitter Used as hyperbole by natural strong relaters with some degree of victimization. Not a historical slavery, but consensual.
victim submitter Who finds slavery the state of ultimate degradation. Not a historical slavery, but consensual.
submission limits A surrender-or-gifting with the sub's own specific limits, versus surrender-or-gifting with the sub accepting the Dom's limits as their own.
dominant Usually a weak relater who strongly relates to others through social relations, is commonly in control of social constructs, and is strongly self confident based on experience. Paradoxically, he can achieve the intimate personal connection usually denied him by his dominance through the surrender of another as his complement.
controlling dominant A dominant to whom control of the submitter, and obedience by the submitter, are mutually important, if not paramount. Thus, any aspect of the sub's life may be used as the dominant sees fit. If obeisance does lead to harm, the controlling dominant defends himself with, 'Why would I damage my own possession ? '. Thus, seemingly exploitive, the controlling dominant also has a nurturing aspect.
nurturing dominant A dominant where nurturing and guiding of the submitter is important, if nor paramount. Thus, some nurturing dominants only attempt to control their sub's actions, including total openness, leaving the sub free in her mental life. When challenged with lack of controlling a sub's bad thoughts (contrary, that is, to the D/s, or others) the nurturing dominant defends himself with, 'My influence over my sub's mental life and values is best brought about by my nurturing, by giving her the initial responsibility for righteous thinking, and my love. These result in a tremendous impetus, because of her devotion and love, to think out her own way of complying with the rigors of her D/s'. Thus, seemingly generous, the nurturing dominant has a controlling aspect.
domineering dominant A want-to-be dominant or a dominant, either of whom seek a one-way D/s relationship where he rules but has little or no responsibilities for the submitter. |
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This most intimate love has two phases : falling in love (or romantic love) and being in love. The mysterious falling in love has a long evolutionary history and may last a few years before fading. It is speculated that it was evolved to last long enough to bring a child of the union to a sustainable age by the mother in a small band of scavengers. Being in love (mainly a product of cultural evolution) usually builds on the emotional base of falling in love (a product of genetic evolution). As such, being in love is the most complex human emotion, or combination of emotions.
Being in love can begin and grow without the earlier falling in love, but it is unusual in mutual love relationships. It is more common in D/s relationships where the initial intimate relationship starts with a surrender. But it will be difficult to bridge the morphing from falling in love to being in love without fully understanding the two different bases. That is, those weak in relating talents and skills can still easily fall in love, yet have difficulty in morphing to being in love, but their common human needs to connect will urge them to try.
Of romantic love, John Armstrong, in Conditions of Love, the Philosiphy of Intimacy (2002) says : "... This involves passionate yearning for something that we believe the other can give us ; it involves an imaginative process of endowing the other with a set of exaggerated qualities which make them appear wonderful in our eyes. ...". And, "... But it is obvious that all of these things -- the things that take us into love -- are, by their nature, subject to disappointment. The image our imagination has created must inevitably be undermined by continuous close contact with the one we love. ...".
Goldbart and Wallin (in Mapping the Terrain of the Heart, 1994) have found that both stages of love have two basic elements : passion (to possess and be possessed) and tenderness (nurture and protect). This is more obviously so in D/s relationships. Often overlooked in mutual relationships is the need to be clear about where and when either partner (but not both) is to be the dominant or the submitter.
But when love successfully comes to a maturity, Armstrong maintains, "... Maturity is our name for the hopeful strategy which is open to us when faced with something which is both an object of high value (a source of happiness) and, at the same time, threatening, difficult, disturbing. ...". Finally, "...-- maturity is not the idea but the actual reduction of expectation".
Armstrong also quotes La Rochefoucauld, "There are people who would never have fallen in love if they had never heard other's talking about it". Armstrong concludes, "... it suggests that we might make a loving from a loveless life -- if only we can find the right sort of talk".
Copywrite godfatherdom.com |
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REV 22:20 Lyrics
Don?t be aroused
By my confession
Unless you don?t give a good goddamn about redemption
I know
Christ is coming
And so am I
You would too if the sexy devil caught your eye
She?ll suck you dry
Soon you?ll cry
To be back in her bosom
To do it again
She?ll make you weep
And moan and cry
To be back in her bosom
To do it again
Pray ? shall I go blind?
Pray ? cos nobody ever survives
Praying to stay in your arms
Just until I can die a little longer
Saviors and saints
Devils and demons alike
She?ll eat you alive
Jesus is risen
It's no surprise
Even he would
Martyr his momma
To ride to hell between those thighs
The pressure is building
At the base of my spine
If I gotta sin to see her again
Then I'm gonna lie and lie and lie
She'll make you cry
I'll sell my soul
To be back in your bosom
And gladly help
Please suck me dry
And still you'll cry
To be back in her bosom
Do it again
Pray ? shall I go blind?
Pray ? cos nobody ever survives
Praying to stay in your arms
Just until I can die a little longer
Saviors and saints
Devils and demons alike
She?ll eat you alive
My pulse has been rising
My temples are burning
The pressure is so overwhelming and building
So steady and heavy
I'm ready to blow
She waits, what is she waiting for?
Pray ? shall I go blind?
Pray ? cos nobody ever survives
Praying to stay in your arms
Just until I can die a little longer
Saviors and saints
Devils and demons alike
She?ll eat you alive |
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Male Dominant, 45
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Male Submissive, 35
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Male Dominant, 49, Denverish, Nevada
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Male Submissive, 38, glasgow
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Male Dominant, 40
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Male Submissive, 47, Glasgow
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Male Submissive, 26, Wading River, New York
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Female Submissive, 45
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Female Dominant, 30, North Carolina
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Female Submissive, 32
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Submissive Couple, 39, REDDING, California
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Male Dominant, 43
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