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Pinical
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professornoir
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Twstdkinkerbell
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LEFTHANDOFDOOM
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MasterXavierX
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fran1813
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Before you message me, please read until the end (or until you change your mind about mailing me) and keep these simple things in mind.
Letters saying "I have read your profile and I am interested" will NOT be responded to.
If you are male - the only thing I am looking for is friendship.
If you are female - I do have a boyfriend/Dominant and we are looking for someone to play with from time to time, though not on a full time or regular basis. I am submissive to him and only him. Any woman brought into the picture would be submissive to or bottoming for me. You would not be "indirectly his" or "ours." You would be mine regardless of whether or not he was involved at the time.
I am not into online domination of any sort. It is not a "starting point" to me.
I am not here to get laid.
I am not here to get spanked.
I am not here to find someone so cocky that they believe that even though I am NOT looking, they will be the one to change my mind and make me fall in love and want to serve them.
I do exhibit some traits of a Dominant from time to time. I AM NOT looking for a full time or male submissive. You ARE NOT going to change my mind on that either. I am willing to discuss the Dominant side of my mind as a concept, but not as someone who may eventually become your Domme.
I am a human before anything. I expect to be treated with the same respect that you would treat any other vanilla person with. Just because you know I choose to identify as a submissive or switch does not mean you know me well enough to treat me with any less respect. My name is sin. Not slave, not slut, whore, bitch or YOUR anything.
I will not address any of this in an initial contact. If you mail me with something that I feel goes against the spirit of this profile, it will be deleted and unanswered (or if I'm bored it will be met with anything from mild to severe hostility - you have been warned).
Beyond that, please, I do appreciate the compliments, but they are not going to make me love you. Get over it. If you do have interest in me, as a person you would like to get to know better, please mail me. If your interest is purely sexual, move along.
Much Love and luck to you all.
sin
P.S If you're going to message me, please either have a picture on your profile, or attach one to the mail. Appearance is not important in friendships, but I like to see who I am conversing with. Thank you.
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Just a simple note to say I exist. It's been a long time and I'm sure the site has changed. I don't know whether that's for the better or for worse, but I suppose we shall see. If you happen upon this and know me from once upon a time, please do send a note and say hi.
Also, I am in search of a unicorn currently, so if you know one, please do feel free to send her this way. I assume you know what I mean. |
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Went to Libertine Ball this past weekend. It was an interesting experience to go to an event with a vendor. It's something I will have to get used to... It's hard to hear the spankings in the next room over and not receive one. Overall, the night was good though. --- all that aside, i have a pretty new bracelet that my love permanently attached to my wrist. it feels good to know there is something he made for me here with me no matter where i go or what i do. |
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It's been months again, but I may be back a little more often to check mail and say hello. I have a Dominant that has completely piqued my interest even though I had no intention of looking for one. Sometimes life just becomes amazing. That first person who looked into your eyes that way, the first one you knew you would want forever.
When I was 17, I used to go to Rocky, he had me trained to come, kneel, stay, be silent, stand, dismissed, et cetera... with hand signals, before i had a clue what was going on. I used to drop mid sentence from across the theatre to go to him if he motioned for it. The look in his eyes... I knew I wanted that, someone that I knew I wanted to give everything to (and i'm rather glad he does not have a collarme account because i'm not sure i'm ready to lay all of that out precisely the way it is to him - rough draft, not final copy!!!) ... through the years as i've dealt with boyfriends and toys and dominants, that's what i've looked for, that "Oh My GOD" feeling, the piercing look that drives you into the floor, stops you dead in your tracks... the tone of voice that you know you will obey without question because you trust him not to hurt you with anything he asks. ...
so i found him again 12 years later. he cooks me dinner and takes me out. he gives me things to help with my anxiety. he treats me like a princess... and a whore. and i love every second of it. |
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I know, it's been months again, and I'm sorry for that. Only slightly. I have my reasons for it, and since I don't belong to any of you, I really don't owe an apology for needing to be involved in my own life.
Anyhow, I am not going back into the cam business for multiple reasons. I miss it, especially since I am back at a weight that I like again. As much as I appreciate the compliments on the rope pictures, I FEEL better at 115 than 170 - which is what i weighed in them. Anyhow, I am back in Jersey again, shore area. Just to reiterate for those that can't flip to page two in the journal: I have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, severe anxiety - both general and social, and agoraphobia.
Also, I am extremely emotionally unavailable right now. I am here to reconnect with old friends and perhaps make some new ones. Does that answer your fking questions about all the restrictions on my profile? Yes? Good. I would hate for you to think I was here for you and be disappointed because my profile excludes you. /rolls her eyes.
Anyway, I'm not doing well this year, for those that have been asking, but I am surviving. I can't promise I'll continue to check my mail here often, but I'm trying. I hope everyone is doing well.
~sin
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so i'm going back to work as a cam girl... i missed it, and i need to get back working. if anyone's interested in a show, feel free to message me for more information. otherwise, wish me luck. it's not like the economy is wonderful :p
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in illinois for a couple weeks - with my boyfriend so please don't start in with the requests, i just wanted to let my friends know ;) i'm down by champaign, not by chicago, but i might be convinced to try to work something out to say hi to you guys up there before i go home ;) gimme a yell if you actually DO know me and want to get together before i go home ;)
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as a general FYI, my weight is listed as 115. this is my current weight, not the weight at which the pictures were taken. i'm a good 40-50 lbs heavier in most of the pictures. telling me that you don't believe me and that i'm a fat pig will just annoy me. i will update my pictures later. actually, i think i'll go switch one out now. the one or two i put up will have me with bright red hair - yes it's obviously me, but i did dye the hair, i make an awesome unnatural redhead.
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yes, i disappeared again. no i'm probably not entirely back. i just got out of the looney bin, and they've added BPD to my litany of issues, yay me. perhaps this time i'll manage to stay out of the hospital longer than two months. i try to keep my goals attainable lol. anyhow, i'll try to check this in the next day or two so if you're used to talking to me, hopefully you catch this and msg me before then.
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i know, i disappeared for months again, those that know me know that it's typical, those that don't, well you'll learn to get used to it. please, if i don't respond to you, don't take it personally... i swear, it's not you, it's me.
bear with me please, it's yet another one of those interesting times in my life where i like to listen to many, talk to few, and new friendships may be difficult to forge right now.
~sin
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As some of you know, i have found a Dominant that has my attention (hence the change to unavailable instead of simply not seeking). I know i haven't written in awhile, but please know i am starting to do better in my life emotionally right now... and i attribute at least some of that to him. he fuels my passions as has been addressing my need for more structure in my life without imposing on my family life as i'm currently living back with family right now. it is a true pleasure, and he is a godsend. I am as blessed as an agnostic can be ;) |
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Hey all, it's been a hard week for me, as some of you may know from my recent responses. I just started a new medication and it's leaving me very tired and drained. i'm trying to give it some more time for my body to adjust before deciding whether or not i will have to change it. please bear with me. i am doing what i can to respond to who i can, however, that does mean some of your mails will go unanswered even if i am still interested in talking with you. please don't take it personally. /hugs to all and thanks for understanding. |
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This was a response I just wrote to a cmail I have received. I realized it applies to many of the ones I do not answer. I figured I should just post it here for general knowledge.
"If you're only interested in me when i'm looking, I'm not interested. I realize this may come across as coarse, but the type of Dominant that I will seek when I am seeking will be the type of person who gets to know others strictly on the intrigue of their personality, not their relationship potential. " |
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i am tired. i am drained. i am done. i am a fiesty little bitch, and i have plenty of fucking unresolved baggage. i have no patience for those without patience themselves. you may be a dominant, but when your mother called you "son" ... she didn't mean the big fucking yellow thing in the sky that the earth revolves around. |
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been home for a bit now... and all i can really say is it's been a hard time for me lately. if you take the lack of response to a cmail to be disrespectful, DON'T write me, i just don't have the patience for most of my mail lately. as before, still not seeking ANYTHING - so please, stop with the "i read your profile and i'm interested" ... unless you're just the type of masochist that enjoys sending random pointless emails that point out immediately that you're a liar... so yeah that's about it for now |
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ok so it's been a short while, i made it back from fla, was back in jersey for a week and now i'm up in NH until saturdayish on some family reunion thing. anyhow, random update on what i am.amnot lookin for... i am lookin for NOTHING right now. i am entirely emotionally unavailable, as i have been for weeks it seems. oh and to clarify - friends are people that you can discuss shit besides the lifestyle with as well. i'm getting a little tired of "i wanna be your friend, what are your kinks?" it's like, come on, if it were that important to you, you would have at least opened the profile and glanced at the list first. anyhow, i'm going back to hide from my family, later all
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Apparently i've readopted my nocturnal schedule accidently... such is life. on a good note though, i've learned quite a bit about myself these past few days, among other things, such as desire, love, reality, and the ability to be thankful for what i have learned without obsessing over what i will lose. i feel more alive than i have in a long time, and for that, i am truly thankful. |
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hey all, i'm in Fla now, still really just barely skimming mail, enjoying my time away from my various homes that i've had through the past couple of years. everything is going wonderfully, and despite my mood disorders kicking up some dust here and there, i've been in a better mood than i can remember in a long time. much love to you all... please, if youve mailed me and i haven't responded, feel free to mail again, however keep in mind it's taking me days to respond at this point |
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running away to florida in the morning (at least temporarily for now). got too impatient as did the one i'm going to see, so yeah, i'm not waiting til the tenth. but anyway, someone wish me luck, i could use a good vacation (and from my expectations it better be fucking great).
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hey all, my computer is still completely unusable, i managed to sneak on my mom's laptop to say hi to a couple people. i have NOT checked m ost of my mail, i WILL do it when i can |
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Yes i know i have mail to read and answer but i'm packing today and flying tomorrow so please give me time /hugs all
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Moving back to New Jersey this week so those of you that notice a location change, it's not by accident ;) i should still be off and on this week but probably not answering alot of mail.
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First off - if you bitch about not accepting mail unless it has a picture or you'll delete it unread... don't discount people that have profile pictures. it takes two seconds to open a mail to see that. I'm kinda happy she deleted though, it was simply a compliment and one she no longer deserves. - - - - - - - I'm getting kicked out of my apartment by my roommate, so if you message me right now and i don't answer, get over it, i'm busy. ~Sin
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update on being sick... ew... i have some sinus thing and not one, but TWO, ear infections ... this sucks horribly... i have anti biotics at least now... so hopefully this won't last much longer. Affection and Adoration for those that know I wish it on them ~~~Sin
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ugh, so now i'm sick, so i'll be off and on sporadically as i try to get some rest and kick whatever the hell this is... all i can say is if it starts hurting anymore, i'm gonna start crying... even as a masochist, some pain so does not turn me on.... (headaches, sore throat, etc) ... rawr...
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Ok, couple things real quick... if i don't answer you, my apologies, some days i don't wake up, others i'm up for days.... Other than that... please people, looking for friends does not mean i want to talk about sex 24/7 and what i do and don't like. if it comes up in passing i've nothing to hide, but i'm not just here to entertain your hardon/engorged clit. i do love you all in some sense of the word, but please the profile's all laid out there, it's in the video and the lists, be original, as me my favorite color or something.
Much Love to my current muses and loves.
(note: muses and loves, not LOVERS AND WANKFEST PARTNERS) ;) love ya
sin
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Ok enough with the drug updates, suffice to say it will take time. On another note, I'm so tired of the bullshit lately. I'm not looking for love, we all know that, but is it that damn hard to have someone with similar interests even meet for dinner? ice cream? Next person to say they REALLY REALLY want to meet me for whatever reason and then decides to forget, or put it off... well there's a reason there's a block button isn't there. Omg you caught me, i'm a 5'0 serial killer who wants to meet you in a public place in daylight. Right. Whatever. /end rant.
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Random update. another week passed and nothing changed. my meds are being changed but given my past, there's a low chance of success. current diagnosis: Bipolar I Disorder, Severe Anxiety, Agoraphobia. At this rate, i'll never be able to kneel and serve. /sighs softly... anyone got experience with MAOI interactions with anti anxiety meds?
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Home for about a week now and the anxiety is killing me. I just want this to be over so i can find myself enough to give myself, enough to be sure of what i'm searching for. in time, in time, it all comes in time. i just wish it were my time. on a lighter note i have a party to attend this weekend, wish me luck, i need it this time ;)
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Back from the hospital, trying to get my life back in order. Everything feels a little overwhelming, i'm hoping that will fade in time. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. Love ya, sin
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Most of you know I'm bipolar, with alot of anxiety
stemming from it. What most of you do not know is the extent to which
it can affect my life, my relationships, my friendships.
In the
three years that I have been working on my medications, I've had a
husband that could not live with me, a mother who can not live with me,
a boyfriend that can not live with me and the latest addition is my
best friend who can no longer live with me.
I may be around for
the next day or two. After that. one of two things will happen. I will
disappear for a short time while I move back to Jersey where my family
is. or I will disappear for quite a bit longer while I am in a mental
hospital.
I wish you all the best and will miss you all. I hate
that my life has come to this, that i will be leaving everyone i know
again and all of my dear friends both online and off.
Someday
perhaps, I will not be as broken. Hopefully when that day comes I can
find someone to love me and care for me, who will be able to put up
with the inconsistencies in my behavior that medications can never 100%
control. Until that day, I wait. and cry. i cry alot. there's not much
else to do.
love to you all
sin
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Even if you don't find what it is you're looking for... Don't lose track of all of those you find along the way. They give you hope, they give you strength, they give you all of the other pieces that make up who you are. Don't pass up the change to learn about yourself more by passing someone by that only wants to be there for you.
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Before I even say this - to the Dom I chatted with this morning, please do not take this personally, this is not directed towards you even though it did come up in conversation. I need to make something VERY clear apparently, my personal information, such as my given name, my phone number, et cetera, is not your right to have. If you ask me for it and I decline, do not resort to begging. Most of the ones this applies to are those that call themselves Doms. If you have enough respect for yourself to believe yourself to be one, stop begging submissives for their personal information. Until you have a collar around my neck, nothing of mine is yours. Stop acting like it, it's childish, petty, and exceedingly annoying.
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Sometimes we find things we know we're not looking for. Sometimes we wish we could be looking for them. Sometimes we wish we could explain exactly what that meant instead of sounding silly and cryptic, rofl
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Got to pretend to be a Domme for an hour last night after Easter dinner for a photoshoot with a submissive that's visiting from out of state... Was quite a bit of fun, although I need some serious practice walking in those heels... I think my limit may still be four inches for that ;) Hope everyone had fun this Easter, whether celebrated as such or not :)
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Happy Easter to those that celebrate - Happy chocolate bunny and marshmellow peeps day to those that just eat the candy :p
I'm exceedingly hungover at the moment, i've realized i'm definately capable of drinking the same amount if i'm at the bar half the night as i am when i'm there all night... i just pay for it more in the morning... on the other hand i did get my first taste of knife play last night with two lovely ladies and i must say... i'm not the least bit disappointed that i did. I'll be holding my breath til the next time ;)
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my goodness, two full days in a row ;)
i just posted a thread in the ask a switch forum, had a revelation the other night seeing a friend on the cross... decided i wanted to wield a flogger not just feel the tails of it stinging my ass. now to find out where to begin ;)
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Apparently i forgot i had an account here, i'll start coming back more often now that i've been reminded of it...
Also i've been spending alot of time on my personal website so although i don't work, i don't always have time free ~Sin
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