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Forgive me Mistress for I have sinned.
It has been 35 years since my last confession.
These are my sins:
I have failled to serve. Being all too aware of my shortcomings instead of seeking to give what little pleasure I was capable of to the women in my life I have hidden away in a fug of self pity and emotional masochism, suffering humiliation in my own eyes every second to avoid suffering it in theirs for a single moment.
Instead of seeking to make myself more usefull I hid away reducing my exposure to reminders of my weakness, and in the cases of the few women of generous heart who developed affection for me despite my faults my cowardice manifested itself as silence, a cruel inability to tell one that I found in her not the love she had for me but a harbour to shelter from loneliness and self loathing and worse disrupting the life of another for a period of years whilst she waited for me to admit to her what was obvious for all to see.
I have squandered my talents, making nothing of myself and gaining no enjoyment from the process, determined to remain alone on my own terms rather than through the rejection of others, setting myself apart on an undulating emotional schizophrenia which crested in the vanity of percieved mental superiority and troughed in the sincere belief of worthlessness.
For these and all the sins of my life I am sorry.
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