outtoofar

I always thought this would work out.
I had the proclivities, the patience, and I stayed with it for a long time.
At first, there was a sense of arrival—finding a place that seemed to fit, where it felt reasonable to expect I might finally find what I had been missing, something that would complete what had always felt unfinished.
I searched nearby again and again, and almost always came up empty. I tried different approaches, made small adjustments meant to improve the odds, but none changed the outcome. Over time, the pattern became clear. Sometimes, no matter how much you want something, there is something in the way. When that remains true long enough, the explanation begins to turn inward.