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I am an outlier on life’s bell curve and I want a women who desires to be out here with me. What I seek is to build that intensely personal and private bond, the thing that takes life in the exchange of the giving and trust by the submissive with the focus, imagination, sensitivity and caring of the dominant. I do not write this to evoke a response in as many as possible, I write it in the hope it will resonate with the one I seek.
If what you want is showing off: tools, techniques, toys and “science experiments” then I hope you find someone or a group to do that with. If you seek, especially if you require, the approval of the crowd then we are not for each other. I require a woman who values depth more than intense experiences. And the only applause we will need for our bond we will find in each others eyes.

I am a private person, especially about intensely personal matters, I expect her to be as well. I have no credibility or reputation with any group or community concerning my private sex life, nor do I wish to have one. I know such a bond is possible because I had it, then lost her to illness in 2005. For all except the last of those 30 years we had a sex life built on a foundation of my control. The last year she was too ill, but the bond remained because it lies in the essence of what you have together, not just the physical. I do not mention her for sympathy, but to say that I know what I seek can be done if both parties commit to building it.

We did not have an exclusive relationship for all of those years, but in the end I was literally the one who was there for her. Because of me she was able to see her first new rose of spring from her own garden and to die peacefully in her own bed. I am proud of that. And because I did my best for her I am now free to move on.

I seek an educated woman of depth, substance, and wit, who appreciates the same, a woman who takes commitment seriously. Nothing is more crucial than a compatible sense of humor. This is because nothing is as integral to your values as what makes you laugh. I love wit, dry humor, irony and satire. I dislike the mean, the petty and/or picking on the weak. I will know I have a real connection when I find that we frequently laugh together over nothing at all.

I want a woman who wants the man to be in control, who is comfortable when the man accepts the responsibility and she submits to his decisions, I do not seek a woman who lusts for the random infliction of pain, because I do not see intense sex as a separate event, I see it as a more focused expression of the ever present bond. I can and I will sometimes use implements (toys) to increase stimulation and read her reactions. I will use them as an explicit demonstration of her submission to my control and to intensify the sensuality of the moment. I am familiar with the fact that as a woman becomes aroused she will accept and even desire greater and greater levels of stimulation. I am a quick learner who is good with tools. I am not one who is aroused by the process of inflicting unwanted pain.

But that is not where the real stimulation lies, it is mental and emotional, as I said, it lives in the exchange; the intense connection with the partner, the self feeding loop both nonverbal and verbal that lives and guides, so I can find and push her limits of intensity without breaking our bond. And that bond should be as real in a spontaneous moment as in the most meticulously planned time. As alive in knowing glance between us across a crowed room, or the taking of her when alone, or simply a pat on the butt in the kitchen.

I am willing to accept the responsibility for making the intimate decisions in our relationship; but intimacy requires two, the situation demands open, honest, respectful feedback. If your idea of a dominant is the storybook always perfect man than I am not for you. If you close up or close off your partner when unhappy, for whatever reason, than growing what I seek would not be possible with you. I will consider all her thoughts along with what I observe and then do, and expect her to do, as I see fit. I expect her obedience and enthusiastic cooperation in this relationship.

When I deem it appropriate I will discipline and I expect that she will accept this, learn her lessons and alter her future behavior. I seek a partner, not a contestant or game player in a battle of wills. I will not micromanage. The woman I want is wise enough to understand that because I will not actively control all the time it does not make me weak or unworthy to master her. Any woman bright enough to be worth dealing with is going to have her own areas of expertise, family issues, financial matters, etc. Being capable of handling these and then choosing to defer to me personally just makes her and her choice to submit to me more special. Besides, every decision she makes large or small will reveal more of her, and I do pay attention.

This is critical: I want a woman who can be moved to tears by exquisite tenderness as well as exquisite sensation. She will have to be wise enough to know that tenderness is not weakness. Also wise enough to realize that my ability to be tender will arise from the fact that my control is an established thing between us, and the maintenance of it is her responsibility as much as mine. It takes the commitment of both to grow and maintain it. My certainty about her commitment will be the basis of my protective caring dominant side, especially towards the outside world.

Physically I am 6 feet tall and weigh 160 pounds, I wear a 44 suit and my 38 inch waist pants are starting to hang pretty loose. I have broad shoulders, hazel eyes, and an easy smile. What little hair I have left is going from brown to gray. I have strong hands because I use them in my work. I am semi retired but I still like to work on my projects. And as long as I am addressing the physical I should say that I have found all sorts of women to be attractive over the years, I have dated cross culturally and found it intellectually stimulating. Physical attraction for me seems to be based on ratio and proportion not on any one type, or hair color, height, etc., it’s all good, it’s just different good.

Deal Breakers: I lost her to lung cancer so smoking is a deal breaker. Plump or curvy is fine, if you are obese then be ready to work on it, it is a health issue. I have had to fight a lifelong battle to maintain my weight and I cannot imagine being dominant over somebody who is obese and comfortable with it. D & D free is also necessary, I want to be in control, not alcohol or some other drug.

I will end this little treatise with some random thoughts knowing that I reveal more about myself with each word. And hoping that they ring true to my female outlier. I want a woman who takes her principles seriously not herself. I want a woman who is as comfortable in the seat of a twenty five year old pickup truck as she is in the rear seat of a long wheelbase limousine, or on her knees in the rear of the limousine, or on the back of my motorcycle or if she would prefer beside me on her own. In short I want a women who is comfortable being herself.

I want a women who considers shopping to be a chore not a recreation, who understands that you can do more treasure hunting in one good used bookstore, museum or nature trail than a whole city of manipulative “rat through a maze” malls.

I like most forms of music: classical, jazz, folk, pop, big band, ragtime, blues, bluegrass and some rock and roll. I think if a song has words they should be worth listening to and the singer’s interpretation should enrich them, not just manipulate them. Volume is not an acceptable substitute for quality in music any more than it is in speech.

One definition of outlier I found could be paraphrased as follows: 1."An outlier is one that is located far from the rest of the crowd. Given a mean and standard deviation, a statistical distribution expects people to fall within a specific range. Those that do not are called outliers and should be investigated" If you are still reading this and it resonates with you; please email me, we can investigate together..

Edited 8/2010

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9/27/2017 5:26:57 PM
Update 9/17

As I state in my profile I was the caregiver to my woman for the 15 months after her cancer diagnosis.  Watching the medical/pharma/insurance triad up close was a shocking awakening for me.  They will get their hands on me sooner or later but I refuse to volunteer for it.  

The consequence of this is that I am now a health nut.  I have done my research and I eat a very healthy diet.  I walk for 1/2 an hour 5-6 days a week. I take no meds and everything works. I do take a vitamin. My physical exams and my blood work validate my choices. As a side effect I also lost approx 60 pounds.

Research shows that 80% of the chronic conditions in this country are related to lifestyle choices, people making bad decisions. When people are polled 90% say they eat a healthy diet. At the same time 65% of the people in this country are overweight and of those 1/2 are obese.

It is NOT from a lack of effort, it is a result of all the bad information out there, a lot of profit driven.

I don't believe in dieting to lose weight. I believe in making healthy choices and letting my weight take care of itself. Yes, I can tweak it but I do not focus on it.

I put this here because it is integral to who I am. Any woman that I attempt to build a bond with must be ready join me in living a healthy lifestyle. Like building a relationship itself; it is not an event it is a process. 

I have been through the minefield, (perhaps mindfield) of misinformation.
As the dominant I wish to share and lead as we continue to build a healthy lifestyle together.

11/2/2010 10:12:11 PM


Musings On Serendipity 

I recently had a bit of serendipity that got me to musing about my search. About the easy parts and the hard part. I had stopped by the 99 cent store as I am likely to do when I am in the neighborhood and I stumbled upon an amazing site. The woman stocking the freezer had a huge 3 gallon bucket of a brand name Peanut Butter Cup ice cream sitting there. It was a large tub like they scoop it out of in ice cream stores. I asked if the whole thing was for sale, it was, so I bought it. 

I promptly brought it home, decanted it into other containers and gave most of it away around the neighborhood. I turned my 99 cent find into a small block party celebration. Renewing friendships and repaying neighborly favors. 

But I missed the fun I/we could of had with it. Bringing in everything else first and saying to her, "I picked up some ice cream at the 99 cent store, could you make some room in the freezer?" Then making a second trip out to the car to return with the huge bucket. And then when I saw the expression on her face I could say something like, "What? You don't like Peanut Butter Cup?"

The fun we would have had dividing it up for the neighbors. Then saving the container, so she could take the bucket with a small container inside it to work to share the fun with her staff. Both coming up with some comments about dessert that night. The sass and nonsense I would have had to listen to about being a mighty hunter and great provider, on a 99 cent scale. 

Her saying, "Now I want a BIG bowl of ice cream" after sex, because her hunger was a code for how good the sex had been. We would have effortlessly turned that 99 cents into at least 3 days of fun.

And this is where it ties into my search. All of this relaxed banter and exchange was possible because all of the power questions in the relationship were settled issues. So we could both enjoy the full richness of exploring any topic or situation.

High protocol was not necessary constantly because we both knew what the relationship was built on. I took her when, where and how I wanted her. The word no was not part of her sexual vocabulary. She could express concerns about timing or commitments or whatever but the decision was always mine. All major decisions were mine unless I thought there was good reason to defer to her. Because of the respect I had for her, I had no trouble doing so and never felt threatened when I did.

Besides most of the time we were both too busy living life and getting things done. I could and did invoke serious high protocol Ds at my option or she could request it. But when I have a woman who has the capacity to appreciate anything from a camping trip to a physics lecture, from gardening to an art museum, from live theater to a movie while on the couch. It is no trouble thinking up more interesting and creative things to do with her than tightly control her 24/7. Why should I cheat myself of the richness she could contribute by limiting her 24/7? That seems foolish to me.

Finding a woman who will enjoy high protocol is not difficult. Using tools and/or toys is not difficult. Listening to her and reading a woman while I am engaged with her is not difficult. The pattern of her breathing, the voluntary and involuntary tightening of certain muscle groups. the engorgement and the color of her flesh, the flow of her juices, the look in her eyes, the sounds or silences, are all readily apparent. By paying careful attention and combining all of this with how well I know her; it is easy to take a woman thoroughly both physically and metaphorically. To leave her simultaneously feeling both spent and especially alive, that is the easy part.

What has proved to be so difficult has been finding a woman who has the deep desire for a relationship that is Ds at it's core; who also has the capacity to effortless join me in turning 99 cents worth of serendipity into 3 days of memorable fun as a natural part of it. 

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