Found this post the other day on another site... I think everyone should read it and there are many individuals on this site who absolutely NEED to read it.
The Secrets of Being a Good Dom
by: MstrJames
Domineering:
Many Dominants don’t know the difference between being dominant and being domineering. A domineering person thinks that it's all about being in charge. Domineering people are often overbearing, loud and tyrannical. They exercise control in an oppressive way.?They are unjust and severe in their treatment of the people around them. Their control is often enforced with threats of physical punishment and with no thought for anyone but themselves.
Dominant:
A Dominant exercises complete control in a more subtle way, with influences and thoughts rather than threats and physical punishments. Dominants care about the people around them. They can be authoritarian and powerful but have the utmost respect for others:
-A Dominant loves and cares for his Submissive. Submission is a gift freely given and domination is the loving return of that gift.
-A Submissive responds to a Dominant if he shows himself worthy of respect. Compliance is wanting to please, not fear of punishment.
-To win a Sub's heart you first win her trust. Through honour, truthfulness and kindness.
-A Dominant takes full advantage of the power that’s given and knows how to share the pleasure that comes from that gift.
-You must be in control of yourself first before you can exercise control over others.?-You understand the difference between sensation and pain and the gap between guidance and force.
-At the hint of a safe word or gesture you are quick to leave the roles behind and be a supportive and caring partner.
-You know that punishment and sensation play are different things and never raise a hand in anger.
-You show your guidance is worth following and your knowledge is deserving of her attention.
-The worst punishment for a Submissive comes in the form of the Dominant's displeasure.
-You understand the dangers in sensation play and assist if distress arises. The body and the mind are fragile and you are careful not to do serious harm.
-You use sensation to push the boundaries of pleasure. You can bring your Submissive to new heights of passion and then mould it into something akin to fire.?-You know communication is the most important aspect of the relationship. You always listen.
-You must know your Sub's mind and body and strive to know her soul.?-You have patience. Knowing that as her trust grows, so will the closeness of the relationship.
-You are courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things. Knowledgeable enough to know that there is always more to learn.
-Your tools are your mind, flesh, spirit, soul and love, with a little help from the flogger, paddle, cane, rope, cuff and blindfold.