One of my journal entries from before i acknowledge that i have faults. In the past few days, its been pointed out to me more than once that one of them is i have a potty mouth. 

i do, it did not used to be so bad, it is now i know that and i apologize in advance. i am continuing to work on it

holli

my slave rules

1. i will serve, obey, please and devote myself totally to Her as She desires anywhere at any time
2. i will worship Her daily, to the best of my abilities, unquestionably and without hesitation
3. i will satisfy all of Her needs and desires, as quickly as i can as best as i can every day, every minute of every day
4. i will worship Her, mind, body and soul
5. The power of my Mistress fills me with the ability to transcend any physical discomfort, any emotional pain and mental uncertainty. Just the mere thought of Her, the sound of Her voice, the smell of Her hair, Her perfume gives me the strength i need to carry on

TO ALL OF YOU GAME PLAYERS OUT THERE F YOU AND F OFF. I KNOW I AM A SLAVE, GOT IT? I KNOW MY PLACE IN LIFE, I AM HAPPY WITH THE DECISIONS I HAVE MADE AND WILL ONE DAY MAKE AGAIN IN THE FUTURE, BUT TO HAVE YOU PLAY GAMES WITH MY HEART, MY SOUL AND MY EMOTIONS AND THEN JUST F*ING DISAPPEAR LIKE IT WAS NOTHING,,,,,IT MAY HAVE BEEN NOTHING TO YOU BUT WHEN I GET CUT I BLEED

Only the first picture is of me, the others are what or where i NEED to be

i have MANY faults. i know that. i accept that. i had always thought punishment and correction was a way of dealing with those faults. One thing i will never, EVER, EVER, EVER do is lie...................

“I am creative, courageous and honorable. I have many strengths. I have, intelligence and wit. I use these qualities to empower, protect and bring happiness to others. I joyfully surrender them to she who knows and cherishes their value.

There is no greater deed than to give oneself utterly to another. I offer myself in heart and body to my Mistress so that I may be fulfilled by meeting her needs, and that she may expose me to the very core of my being, learn my strengths and weaknesses and teach me to better know myself. My self and my strength and my love are hers to call her own, in honor of her beauty, her wisdom and her strength, which mirrors and enhances my own. I serve Her with honesty, valor and trust. I avoid putting myself first, but not at the expense of my identity. I seek always to clearly communicate my needs and my fears to Her. 

Standing before her, I lay aside all defenses. I offer Her my trust and respect, and I have few gifts more precious than those. When we journey alone together, she recognises my needs and, when she takes me to places I have never been, protects me from harm. I ask her to lead me in turning my weaknesses to strengths, so that I may better serve her.

I ask that she protects me from harm, and surrounds me with her warmth and guidance when I am faced with my darkest self. I look to Her, to have the wisdom to know when to push me to grow, when to teach me discipline and when to show me her gentleness and mercy. I trust Her to heed my voice and views, to nurture my love and desire for her; to approach my failings with humor, compassion, and firmness as necessary for the good of us both; to bring shape and meaning to our lives. In return, I offer Her all that I am; in joyful and complete devotion.” Author unknown

Looking for that special One ......the One who i can give give everything, and expects nothing but my smile in return... the one who will  show the way, firmly, and who accepts my faults that need to be corrected... the One who can give me the authority and guidance i need

Submission is a special gift, i will never, never give lightly, and cherished by those who receive it. But i expect that, once given, my submission will be absolute. Then i will guided, shaped, cared for... but most important of all, i will be Yours, body and soul. This means total power exchange.

Unless given the right, i want to do nothing without permission or instruction. Life will become completely bound by rules; obedience will be second nature. i so, so much wish i could find this, find Her

As I sit here, still alone, and thinking of the Ones I have set my heart and soul on a platter for, I am beginning to wonder whether or not it is all worth the effort.

I know I am not perfect. Heaven knows I have made mistakes, and I will make them again in the future. But I am honest, to a fault. I fall too quickly and then my heart gets crushed a little flatter.

At times, I think I should publish the list of names of the ones that have led me on only to disappear, or worse yet, the ones I have listened to and then done something I regret. But I know in my heart and soul lashing out like that will do nothing but make me look stupid and unwanted

Dreams do not come true. Honesty is not the best policy. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. i know now One day She will not come

Sometimes i just want to cry

"Being your slave, what should I do but tend upon the hours and times of your desire? I have no precious time at all to spend, nor services to do, till you require."-- William Shakespeare

i recently got a scathing email from a Domme dressing me down for my profile. i have been told it is too negative, too self-centered and very insulting to Dommes.

For all those that see this journal as insulting, i am very deeply sorry. It was only meant to be a window to me, to my thougths and my feelings. It was never directed at a group of people although i freely admit there are some entries that are directed at one specific person, and no not always the same person. i guess thinking about it, this entry is directed at one person.

At any rate, if any of You find something particularly insulting, please let me know and i will try to modify or remove it from the journal. Again, i apoligize from the bottom of my heart

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Today is the beginning of a new day

Mistress has given me this day to be used at Her will

i will not waste it, i will embrace it and grow in the light of Mistress

To serve Her well with Honor, Obedience, Service, Loyalty and Discipline

i will not waste or regret anything today because

When tomorrow comes today will be gone forever.........

100 Ideas To Make Your Slave Feel Owned

One of the main factors, in feeling truly Owned is to be constantly reminded throughout the day of a Mistress' control. These reminders can be subtle or really obtrusive. The more often a slave is reminded of her submission, the deeper it becomes -- and the more fulfilling.

Have her wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of her submission.

When she has broken a rule, talk to her as you punish and make her speak in detail about why what she did was wrong.

Make her take her shoes off every day as soon as she enters your house.

A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one, and have her wear it as often as possible.

Have her call you each day at a specified time, no excuses.

Give her anklets and tell her he must wear one of them every day, no excuses.

Whenever possible, have her kneel before you and ask to accompany you upon the furniture.

Choose her hairstyle and go with her to get it cut to your specifications.

Whenever possible, have her display herself whenever you come into the room -- legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position you take, she is to be sure your view is unobstructed

When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure she has an alternative title for you besides Mistress such as "my love" etc.

Use her sexually in a rough, selfish way when you feel like it, interrupting whatever she was doing.

Choose a food that she dislikes and have her eat a small portion every day for a week.

Have her crawl to bed each night.

Bring her a stuffed animal each time you go out of town.

Choose her clothing each day.

Have her get your daily wardrobe ready for you the night before.

After punishment, have her kiss your boots and thank you for loving her enough to correct her.

Have her bring a warm towel and wash and massage Your feet each day after work.

Get her tattooed (Your choice of art and location).

Get her pierced (or preferably if You are trained, do it Yourself).

Get her branded.

Respect, but push her limits.

Ask her each night what she did that day that You would not have approved of. This gets her in the habit of being completely honest, and also makes her conscious of the things she could do better each day.

Teach her exactly how You want her to kneel, and demand perfection.

Reward her by allowing her to please You sexually.

Supervise her workout routine.

Each night she is to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with her Mistress, and each night she does, she is to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank her Mistress for the privilege.

Have her polish Your boots weekly, on her knees at Your feet.

Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract.

Giver her a writing assignment: "The definition of Pain - 1000 words"

Have her keep a diary of herjourney into submission.

Instruct her that she may never get herself something to eat or drink in Your presence without first asking You if You want something.

Some evenings, keep her on a leash and take her with You no matter what You do....even if You do not speak to her or include her in Your activities.

When appropriate, she is to speak when spoken to.

Reward her by giving her delicious pleasure.

On occasion, share her.

When it suits You, instruct herr not to make eye contact with You without Your command.

Have her keep herbody clean shaven at all times.

Conduct random inspections of her body to make sure he keeps herself to Your specifications.

Make her wear a butt-plug under herclothes whenever she goes out alone.

For transgressions: have her write Your name on the bottom of herfoot and tell her to remember she is walking on You with each step. (This is harder to do that You might think.)

Mistress the art of the meaningful piercing stare.

Give her reading assignments.

Test her on the reading assignments, to make sure she learned the appropriate lessons from each.

Instruct her to keep her toenails painted perfectly everyday, and check to see that they are before bed

Make it her responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and to keep them clean and neat.

Reward her by letting her name her favorite scene, toys, etc.

Call her your slut, your pet, etc.

Have her make a list of the 10 things that make her the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Work with her, having her do the things on the list, so that she conquers those fears and hesitations.

Sometimes, pamper her -- wash herbody and hair, having her remain perfectly still as you turn her and move her about.

Hand feed her like a small child on occasion.

Have her eat from a dog bowl on occasion.

For transgressions: make her wear a sign to the next public function naming her crime.

Praise her dedication when she has pleased you well.

Instruct her that she is never to touch your body without permission.

Have her write a meditation about her submission, devotion and trust in you, to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.

Some days allow her no clothing whatsoever.

For transgressions: deny her play.

In the same ilk, For transgressions: deny her orgasm. Give her sex, but she can't cum.

For transgressions: Command that she is to be silent for a week. she may not speak, and will take whatever pain or pleasure you give as silently as possible.

Treat her like a pet in front of friends, making her present herself, turn herself, etc.

Giver her a writing assignment: "The definition of Obedience - 1000 words"

Tell her one morning that she must cum for you 15 times that day, and then write about the day.

Have her wear a butt plug under her clothing out to dinner.

On your birthday, let her receive your spankings.

Spend time training her how to move to please You.

For transgressions: stand her in the corner like a 3 year old.

Always flog her after completion of a task, even if it was satisfactory. A well flogged slave is a happy slave.

Speak about her as if she were not present.

For transgressions: deny her any D/s at all for a week, letting her do just as she pleases, not allowing her to serve you in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame her and certainly make her strive to please you when it is over and she is in her place again.

Defend her honor to those who would disrespect your prized possession.

Pet her often.

Make her be webmaster for your site

Whenever possible, have her sleep in a cage.

Buy her sexy or slutty clothes to your liking from www.xdress.com.

Teach her things, expand her knowledge, in a patient motherly way.

When you are apart, call her and have her masturbate for you.

If you choose to play with others, make sure your slave knows who is first in your heart and that some things are just for her.

Lead her with a loving fist in her hair.

Wake her each morning with an assigned task for the day and make sure it is done by day's end.

Teach her patience.

Videotape your sessions and watch them together.

Have her place her regular wear shoes in a line by the front door. They should be in a straight line with the laces tucked inside. Inspect them periodically.

Keep a list of her transgressions in a little book. Let her slip for a while thinking you are not noticing. Then one day, bring out the book and have a day of atonement.

Tickle her just because you can.

Have her be perfectly still and quiet while you bring her extreme pleasure. When she moves or makes a sound punish her then return to the pleasure.

Keep her locked in her collar when you are home. Wear the key to the lock around your neck.

When possible, have her cook and serve your dinner wearing nothing but a collar.

Don't be afraid to bring her to tears, for they are yours as well.

Take her and the dog to the park, both on leashes.

Have her fall asleep between your legs, licking your vagina, and tell her you expect her to be there when you awake.

Occasionally, fulfill her fantasy.

Mistress's word is the last word.

Be consistent.

Take the time to talk to her, learn her fears, her dreams and fantasies. Use your knowledge.

Specify exactly how she will address you in private and in public.

If you are willing to correct her each time she forgets until it is a habit, have her refer to herself as "this slave" or "this slave" etc.

I am looking for a change in the direction within my life.

I have an unfulfilled inner need to serve and submit, to allow another or others to take control of my life. I am tired of assuming all of the responsibilities which everyday life puts upon me. I find joy in serving and making others happy; a real inner delight in seeing the smile on someone's face, someone who is in control when I have pleased them and lived up to their expectations I feel a warm glow. Submission is a desire in my life and not just a game to pick up and put down.

This desire to serve, to please, to give up control extends well beyond day-to-day life it is my sexual life I'm literally offering as a gift allowing someone else to be in control of and make all of the decisions regarding this part of my life. I know I will not always please and know this will involve, discipline and Corporal Punishment, I know that it will always be given with affection and never permanently harmful.

For me there is a real excitement in feeling owned, cared for both in private and public knowing I will will always be safe with you. This life is to be total and not just a game, I dream in private moments of being bound, cropped, whipped, and even owned. i have already been involved in situations like this and have a very active imagination.

I want Someone who will take control of my life. Decisions regarding clothing, work, education, financial, and even daily schedule will be made because you really will assume responsibility and control over my life.

This year, which is now only ten days old, has been enlightening to me. i have not slept much during the past ten days because i cannot get my mind to shut down. When i do sleep, it's in fits and starts and does not last long at all.

i am beginning to realize that i run from Ones i should not run from. Is it fear? Certainly not fear of physical pain, i am not a maso but i do know how it makes me feel so i know its not that.

i think it's fear of rejection. i gave my heart away once and i am not sure i have seen it again. i am not sure of myself. i am that top, the toy not the TOP, i am spinning slowly, wobbling and bouncing off of the walls.

i want to strong, proud, confident (and owned), but its not there. i choose to listen to the wrong people and seek advice where i should not.

If You are in the flotsam of my past because of my stupidity, i apologize to You.

The true strength of a slave is not measured by its compliance to being shackled and put in a cage that becomes a fortress of solitude, but its willingness to submit its very heart and very soul.

The wonder of being a slave isn't that we serve when it suits us, but rather that we serve always.

Ok, so it has been pointed out to me that even pain that comes from being used and played is good. It is good because it makes me stronger, makes me a better person and by doing so a better slave. The pain hurts, but i will power through and be stronger and better on the other side

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

My heart is into a thousand pieces right now. And like Humpty Dumpty, I don't think I'll ever find the pieces to put it back together again. I'm a mess

Lonlieness sucks

I've been around for you - been up and down for you
But, I just can't get any relief
I've swallowed my pride for you - lived and lied for you
But, you still make me feel like a thief
You got me stealing your love away 'cause you never give it
Peeling the years away, and we can't relive it
Oh, I make you laugh and baby you make me cry
I believe it's time for me to fly 

You said we'd work it out
You said that you had no doubt that deep down we were really in love
Oh, but I'm tired of holding on to a feeling I know is gone
I do believe that I've had enough
I've had enough of the falseness of a worn out relation
Enough of the jealousy and the intoleration
Oh, I make you laugh and you make me cry
I believe it's time for me to fly

Time for me to fly
Oh, I've got to set myself free
Time for me to fly
That's just how it's got to be
I know it hurts to say goodbye, but it's time for me to fly

(Oh, don't you know that it's...)
Time for me to fly
Oh, I've got to set myself free
Time for me to fly
Oh, baby, that's just how it's got to be
Oh, I know it hurts to say goodbye, but it's time for me to fly
Fly

It's time for me to fly

Ok, well i just opened my email and had 19 pages of new mail...how is that even possible? Some of it going back quite awhile.

i feel like an ass, burned a whole lot of bridge by telling at least One She never emailed me.

If You sent me mail, and it was just now deleted unread, i dumped my complete mailbox, there was no way to read everything that was sent

Well......it was not a light. It was a train. A BIG, FAST, HIGH SPEED TRAIN aimed right at me to crush me and my soul

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in colour
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
They told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You tried to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not the broken hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being a slave
to my Mistress in a loving relationship.

i am not weak or stupid. i am a strong woman,
with firm views and a clear concept of what i want out of my life.

i do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.
i will look to my loving Mistress for guidance and protection, for never
will i be more complete than when She is with me.

i know that Her will protect my body, my mind, and my soul
with Her strength and wisdom.

She is everything to me, as i am everything to Her.
Her touch awakens me and Her thoughts free me.

Only in serving do i find complete freedom and joy…
Her punishments may be harsh, but i accept them thankfully,
knowing that She has my best interests always foremost in Her mind.

If She desires my body for pleasure, i shall joyfully give it to Her
and take pleasure myself from knowing that i have brought happiness.

However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of O/our relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt,
those are all parts of this relationship.

My body is Hers, and if She says i am beautiful, then i am.
No matter what i look like to others, i am beautiful in Her eyes,
and because of that i hold my head high.

If She says i am Her precious jewel,
then i am that…a beautiful, sparkling gem.

If She says that i am pet, slut, whore, then i am that..
My mind is Hers, to expand, to explore, to know only as She can.

i have no secrets from Her for secrets are a thing that would
keep me from being more perfectly Hers.

Secrets would put a wall up between my Mistress and myself…
and i do not want walls.

Her lessons are not always ones i would seek on my own,
but they are lessons She has decided that i need, and so i learn.

My soul is Hers, as bare to Her touch as ever my skin could be
when i kneel naked at Her feet.

Never a moment goes by when i do not feel Her presence,
be She miles away or standing over me.

If i were to ever displease Her, Her displeasure would be a blow to my soul,
worse punishment than any lashes could be.

The anguish of my soul that i feel when i disappoint Her
is harder to bear than any physical anguish i feel.

i am grateful that She cares enough about me to spend
Her time and energy so freely on me.

i have the easier job, to feel, to experience,
to let myself go and abandon everything to Her.

i am Hers to pleasure and Her responsibility, and She takes both seriously .
i am a submissive woman.

i am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,
and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.

Only to my Mistress who has that strength, will i give myself fully,
because i am strong and proud.

i am a slave............

slavery is not about suffering

slavery is about service

slavery is not about humilation

slavery is about humility

slavery is not about pain

slavery is about being present

slavery is not about being used

slavery is about being of use

slavery is not about control

slavery is about letting go

slavery is not about your desires

slavery is about giving to others

slavery is not about abuse

slavery is about acceptance

slavery is not about proving anything

slavery is about being real

slavery is not about contempt

slavery is about respect

slavery is not about how you look

slavery is about how you care

slavery is not about denying yourself

slavery is about being open

slavery is not about being punished

slavery is about discipline

slavery is not about being able to escape

slavery is about being committed

slavery is not about submission

slavery is about obedience

slavery is not about fear

slavery is about trust

slavery is not about sex

slavery is about love

slavery is not about pleasure

slavery is about happiness

Allow me the strength too answer questions I can't fathom...

Allow me the spirit to know Her needs

Allow me the kindness to choke back retorts

Allow me the serenity to serve Her in peace..

Allow me the love to show Her in peace...

Allow me the tenderness to comfort Her...

Allow me the light to show us the way...

Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Her...

Let me be able to show Her each day my love by my service to Her...

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Her...

Let my eyes show Her each day my love by my service to Her...

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Her..

.
Let my eyes show Her the same respect, whether i sit at Her side, or kneel at Hers feet...

Let me accept my punishment with grace...

Let me learn to please Her beyond myself...

Grant me the power to give myself to Her completely...

Give me the strength to please Her...

Permit me to love myself, in loving Her...

Allow me the peace of serving Her...

For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to make Her life complete, as She makes mine

How many times can I break til I shatter?

you are not a whole person unless you are serving

i just read back my whole journal over the past year or so......

i am thinking maybe i am too open with my emotions

i am so done.

i opened my soul to You. i exposed my fears, my doubts, my weaknesses, my deamons, my past, and i got played

Ok, this is just me speaking. i am a slave. i admit that. i openly and honestly and freely embrace that as part of my life.

But i am intelligent as well.

i have emotions and feelings as well.

Even pets and animals have feelings.

slaves have a gift that they give, or in my case try to give, to their Owner

You played me. Why? What made it alright for You to think it was okay to play me?

Not that it matters, but goodbye to you

i think i am done

In the arms of the angel, Fly away from here, From this dark, cold hotel room, And the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage, Of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel, May you find some comfort here

Some may tell you that dreams don't come true. Always leave your mind and your heart open to the possibilities though. For when they do come true, it is a feeling like no other. When I find her I will  live to serve Her completely. With unswerving love, devotion, loyalty, respect and honor...

Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

BDSM to me
By Gerard V. Schneyer III

i'm standing before a precipice, staring into Infinity.
Looking down, i can see the vegetation growing on the cliff.
my toes hanging over the edge.
Her only contact with me is Her hand on my shoulder.
With that hand, She pushes me forward.
But not further then i can take before i fall.
This is Trust.
my heart is beating a thousand times.
The taste of adrenaline on my tongue.
Thoughts flying through my mind.
And i know, i know.
i Trust Her, to take me to the edge, but never beyond what i can take.
To never let me fall, and to pull me back when i need.
She Trusts me, to let Her take me to that edge, to put my faith in Her.
And to ask for more.
It's the way i feel.

Sometimes lonlieness hurts more than a whipping

Being a lady is something that comes natural for me...the way I carry myself and my mannerism, clearly indicate though tht i am a slave as well.....

i pride myself in being a lady and love to be treated as one. 

i am a mature sensual woman that understands very well what my submission means and what i need in order to feel complete. The soft touch of Her  fingertip running just under my chin, lifting my  eyes to meet Her's...

Her comforting smile in recognition of my willingness to please, no matter the task  Yes, i  WILL please You, for me there is no other option. You will not have to force me to do so. You will simply guide my overwhelming desires.

In grasping my submissiveness , my mind and emotions, You will exercise Your  dominion. Respect is mutual and essential in any relationship of this magnitude.

i feel the gentleness of Your touch just before the sting. i feel the strength in Your hand as You grip the leather. i melt down under Your will and then soar to heights that i have dreamt about. my knees go weak as i know what is coming and i fear it, crave it and need it all at once. i close my eyes, slow my breathing and focus only on pleaseing You and even as i tremble in fear, i know i am safe in Your hands.....

...and now it's over. i a crying in pain, unashamed. i feel Your fingertip under my chin again and as You lift my head into Your eyes, i see the love in Your eyes and the radiant pleasure on Your face, and it warms my soul

Does anyone here know how a slave is like a top, the toy not the person or person's position!

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A slave is like a top when it is first spun, spinning strong and tall. Filled with a sense of purpose and direction, being shaped and moved by her Domme.

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A slave that is uncollared is like a top that is slowing down. Spinning slowly down to die

For me, a Domme is so much more than a physical presence.

• A Domme challenges Her property.
• A Domme, by her mere presence, instills a desire to succeed in Her property
• A Domme, with a look, can melt a girl's heart
• A Domme, with a look, can make a girl pee herself in fear
• A Domme with a smile, can make a girl power through difficult times
• A Domme with a touch can make all the pain in the world disappear
• A Domme with a soft word, can wrap a girl in a coccoon of safety
• A Domme with a quiet talk can make a girl jump tall buildings
• A Domme with a quiet word can make a girl shake with fear
• A Domme with a laugh of joy can make a girl feel undounded joy
• A Domme with a laugh of amusement can make a girl feel lower than Her heel

And i am not even talking about any kink or the like here

i think a Domme is like a fine wine. They get better with age. Sadly for me, it seems most want what i am not, 18-21 and a slave. i am a slave, but 21 is beyond the sun for me now

This place is like crack, why cant i just push away from the desk and not look back??

Time for me to take a break from here. To those of You who played me, i am not a fool.

i am a slave, that i realize, but i have feelings. When i am cut, i bleed, when my heart breaks, i cry. 

i poured my soul out here to Some and apparently it was a joke. Maybe i am missing the point here, but i dont think so.

i know a slave is supposed to be focused on her Mistress, and that is what is most important, but to open up to Someone, to be vulnerable, to tell You stuff and then sit there, biting my lip and then to find out that i have just been tossed aside like trash....that is not what a slave is....is it?

Anyway, if my thoughts are wrong, tell me. If i am offending You, i do apologize. i just thought, well i hoped, to find that i was once again cherished property, still a slave, but cherished...maybe that just does not exist anymore

this cut from a song pretty much sums up my feelings

I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am chained
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm cold and I am shamed and bound
And broken on the floor
And I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch

(but i do miss it so)

bye

i have not journaled in a long time, but it is time to add more to what is me and what i need in life

 i may just be a girl .. but we are good for so many things ... i am proud to be female and that as such i was intended for use and service by others ... it is simply as nature intended ... i know now too that i am and have always been meant to be .. a slave .. i have great pride in that as well ... if the right Mistress should find and enslave me ... place me in her locked collar, cuffs, bracelets, and hobble chain... i will work to please Her with every breath and ounce of energy in my being ... it will be my desire to make Her feel as if she is in heaven ... because at Her feet i know i will  already be there

 Someday my MISTRESS will come

Most people go through life not really knowing thier true purpose or knowing what they really want and need. I consider myself to be very lucky as I know exactly what my destiny is. I was born to be a slave of that I have zero doubt. It's who and what I am, it's at the very core of my being. I have served sexually but that isn't being a slave. A slave is being owned in heart, mind, body and soul. It's all consuming. A slave exists only to submit unconditionally, serve, and worship. The Mistress becomes the slave's reason for living as Mistress' property. The slave's every thought should be how it can better serve, nothing else should matter to the slave. If it pleases the Mistress to make slave suffer for Her pleasure then the slave should be grateful, just as the slave should be grateful for anything it receives from its Mistress. This slave truly seeks one true Mistress tpe, ltr, 24/7, 365.

I am looking to change direction in my life. i am tired of being alone, uncollared and waiting. i want, need, ache to find HER.  This change, actually a return, is because because i have an unfulfilled inner need to serve and submit, to allow another or others to take control of my life. i am tired of assuming all of the responsibilities which everyday life has. i find joy in serving and making others happy; have a real inner delight in seeing the smile on Someone's face, Someone who is in control , when i know She is pleased and i lived up to Her expectations i feel a warm glow. i care more for the happiness of others , fulfilling Her wishes brings ultimate joy. Submission needs are a desire in my life life and not just a game to pick up and put down.

This desire to serve, to please, to give up control extends well beyond  day-to-day life this is a gift i am giving. i will be allowing someone else to be in control of and make all of the decisions regarding my life, physically, materially, sexually, ANYTHING. i need someone who will accept my surrender and control all of my life. Decisions regarding clothing, work, education, financial, and even daily schedule will be made for me because You really will assume responsibility and control over my life. i know that You will not always be happy with me and that i will not always please You.  i know that correction and discipline involving Corporal Punishment will always be given with affection and never permanently harmful and that sometimes "correction" may be just for Your fun

i have thoughts, some of which i've even denied to myself, these thoughts are about the darker and less socially acceptable side of intimacy. A real excitement in feeling owned, cared for both in private and public,  life that will be total slavery, property and not just a game. i do dream in private moments of being bound, cropped, whipped, and even owned. i have already been involved in situations like this and therefore have a very active imagination and knowledge of what i need and want. i haven't really felt safe without my collar but fear being hurt again, emotionally, and therefore have tried ot shut out these thoughts never really having the courage to let them out, except in my very private alone time i have always understood that within a normal relationship this sort of fulfilment really isn't possible.i know the desire for change, for stepping out of this life and back to the life i have known and the one that is know inmy dreams where i will be taken places, teased and even forced to live my darkest dreams within a new safe and caring relationship.

Anyway, that is my dream.....

More important to me than any activity is trust. With trust, i know i can do anything. i can jump out of planes, race trains and endure any pains. If i trust You, You have the key to my soul

i am a naturally submissive woman who values intelligence, humor but most of all, i have a desire to please. iam a lifestyle slave with over a decade of experience. This dynamic, this way of relating to another person, the magic that can be created - it is very close to my heart, it is at the center of who i am. To me, this encompasses the mind, body and soul.

i have been told that if i refuse to share fully nude pics of myself i must be a guy? Does everyone feel this way?

i am a slave. i was born this way and i accept this as part of my life. i was born to be collared, to be used, to be tested, to be pushed beyond limits i think i can handle.

i am useless without Mistress, without Her hand to guide me and direct me. i exist to please Her to follow and do as She says without hesitation and question.

i am a slave, i am happiest on my knees looking up at Her, even if i am crying from pain, if She is smiling at me, i am happy and fulfilled