oneangel2

We hand make premium quality, individual, hand crafted pieces, we try to make our range to cover the beginners, sadists and the experienced player, ranging from small to largest imaginable. Everything is hand made individually for you.

I often add a random selection of goodies on the stalls to keep things interesting and different to the last event.

We also provide different size rattan canes and several different ropes, from cotton, linen and hemp as well as hang-mans ropes so why not come along if your in London and have a look.

I was talking to someone today, thank you as you know who you are and I think we both agreed how were both dismayed that, at this point in society, some people still can’t handle being spoken to directly because of their insecurities and low self-esteem.

So I thought I would write my thoughts and feelings here… they are not aimed at any one personally, so there is no need to jump on your high horses…

Some men become Dom’s is because they somehow think that "owning" a submissive validates them to themselves and others. Some women become Domee because they can get fucked and a feeling of power.  Errrr!!! What about being yourself and stop worrying about what others think!

Some people maybe even be subs but would never like to admit to it publicly but they then expect you to switch when a relationships formed. The few (not all) that are looking for a service sub or slave and use the term old school to validate a way to be lazy.

It’s like some come on line, but they aren’t here to be challenged or questioned, they are here to be lazy and they find blunt women like me and others a threat and become abusive to reflect their own insecurities when we don’t answer them as they wanted us to and expected.

Some just want us to simply follow the ‘Dom/Domee’ rules laid out in front of them by others that really doesn’t make anyone really happy. They are just like sheep really, following the flock, as they just don’t know or are too lazy to use their own imaginations to make up their own rules to suit their own needs because door mats  are easy to find and replace and it’s an easier way for them to be lazy to get others to give them wank fodder, drive them places, sex, oral on tap, pay bills, housework, food cooked and served, free entertainment and all their other wims and needs taken care off…

Come on, who wants to serve some stupid ideas of service they think you have to follow to show they are a Dom, a few of us want a Dom to make his own rules and keep us on our toes mentally as well as physically, but some use ‘Dom’ as an excuse to sit back and just enforce instead of create it sadly.

So when you see me call people dims… then maybe you will understand where I am coming from as a true Dominate has nothing to prove to the masses, He/She is what He/She is, where ever He/She is. They don’t need to insult because you have asked them a questions or to shout and hollow abuse as abuse is abuse not M/s or D/s.   

I feel many do not understand how hard it can be when your in a relationship, M/s, D/s or otherwise but you really have to be yourself, whatever your are, don’t try to pretend to be something you’re not…. If that means you sub, switch or a Dom that’s fine just don’t pretend as then you will get far more out of life and a relationship.

I feel also that there is a confusion out there as men and women are brought up to be Gentlemen and Ladies, as gentlemen/ladies they can struggle to be dominate while being gentlemanly/womanly but you can do both….

In writing this, I am not trying to insult or offend Masters, Doms, Tops, Mistress, switches, subs, bottoms or slaves… I am just writing out my thoughts and feelings and thanking a nice person I was chatting with.

So cry a little while
Do it in your own style and always remember
you'll do fine.

Let your heart ache a while
If it feels right, then cry and always recall the wonder of it all
and let the echo of your mind to remember you have a wonderful life.

I think we are all individuals and we all have different races and cultures and we should not be killing one another because of our mixed religions, cultures or the color of ones skin.

We must however live by the Law of the land and if you cannot live by the Law, then why are they here in the first place?
Why should we keep bending and even changing the Law to suit others just because it may offend.
The truth can hurt, I agree, but its far better than all the bull shit like that which is coming out from peoples mouths and written words.

We should be able to always have freedom of speech, even if its different to someone else's ideas and thoughts... I mean, come on now!! were on a BDSM site and I am sure we all wish to live without hassle because we are different to what is expected of us, but were not killing others because we have a need or because the Law keeps changing to stop some of our rights within M/s D/s relationships.

Please also remember the journalist in Saudi Arabia who has been sentenced to 2000 public lashes 10 months in prison and a hefty fine for advocating free speech in Saudi, a country that enjoys the unhindered support of the US and the West. OK they haven't killed him but I ask you....

I am glad these terrorists in France got killed personally, because they killed others in cold blood, they had no honor or no true respect to God and they never died as martyrs either. However it did save money on the Hospitals, tax payers and prison services thankfully.

My thoughts go with every family member of them killed in France and I am so sorry this happened.

• The need for love and unconditional acceptance
• The need for certainty and permanence
• The need for careful guidance
• The need for containment and clear boundaries of behavior
• The need  for consistent and logical consequences for behavior
• The need to be stroked, reassured and praised but never in a pandering or patronizing manner
• The need for the One to whom she is pledged to appreciate and support her enthusiasms when they deserve it
• The need to know that no punishment will result from honest expressions of ideas or emotions or from acting them out when there is no way to prevent it.
• The need to know that the One to whom she is pledged will never lie to her or hide anything from her
• The need to know that the One to whom she is pledged will not withdraw from her emotionally
• The need to know that the One to whom she is pledged is also her best friend
• The need to know that she will have to face and not be allowed to run away from hard things but that the One to whom she is pledge will handle those which she cannot
• The need to know with certainty that the One to whom she is pledged takes joy and derives satisfaction from her pledge and His ability to know and meet her needs
• The need to be as sure of the benevolence of the One to whom she is pledged as she is of His acceptance of her pledge

 NEEDS OF A SUBMISSIVE

• The need for love and unconditional acceptance
• The need for certainty and permanence
• The need for careful guidance
• The need for containment and clear boundaries of behavior
• The need  for consistent and logical consequences for behavior
• The need to be stroked, reassured and praised but never in a pandering or patronizing manner
• The need for the One to whom she is pledged to appreciate and support her enthusiasms when they deserve it
• The need to know that no punishment will result from honest expressions of ideas or emotions or from acting them out when there is no way to prevent it.
• The need to know that the One to whom she is pledged will never lie to her or hide anything from her
• The need to know that the One to whom she is pledged will not withdraw from her emotionally
• The need to know that the One to whom she is pledged is also her best friend
• The need to know that she will have to face and not be allowed to run away from hard things but that the One to whom she is pledge will handle those which she cannot
• The need to know with certainty that the One to whom she is pledged takes joy and derives satisfaction from her pledge and His ability to know and meet her needs
• The need to be as sure of the benevolence of the One to whom she is pledged as she is of His acceptance of her pledge

Keeping It Consensual

This is a write up I had from when I was re searching safety for me, as a single sub coming back into the scene, I felt it was important to read up before I could agree or disagree. Lets get real hear, how could I if I didn't know what things were as things do change.

I am unsure who the original writer was but I was gald to have found it none the less, as knowledge is good to share.

Safewords. Since we all agree (we hope!) that BDSM should be consensual, we need ways to ascertain that everybody involved is still consenting once the scene is under way. One of the easiest and most flexible ways to do so is with a safeword.

A safeword is a code word that players agree on to mean "Stop, something is wrong." The reason we need code is that lots of us like to pretend we don't want to have all these amazing things done to us, and we may pretend by joyously shrieking "Nononononono," so we need another word to mean that. Or we may become incoherent and need a one-syllable way to communicate.

Safewords come in many forms. Many players use "red" to mean "stop, something is wrong," and "pink" or "yellow" to mean "I don't want you to stop but could you please do that lighter or slower or something or we will have to stop." "Green" also can come in handy when what you want to say is "more, more, more!'

Some safewords do not have to be in code: "My right foot is asleep" is a perfecdy clear message, "May I speak?" is always a polite form, and "I need a little break now or soon" is also good communication. If you don't want to use words, or you do want a gag, a rubber ball or jangly keyring, held in the hand, can be dropped or thrown to let your top know there is a problem that needs to addressed.

Using a safeword is a difficult decision for a player, particularly an experienced one. Good players know that when their partner uses a safeword, she is often feeling disappointed, chagrined and inadequate over needing to do so. This is an important time for mutual support and affection. Whether the safeword has been invoked by the top (yes, tops use safewords too) or the sub, it means somebody is having a hard time, and needs and deserves caring support and validation. Rosie was once subjected to ridicule for using a safeword, of the "Aw, c'mon, can't you take it?" variety - and, she says, "It turned me into a real bitch real fast." She never played with that top again.

Never allow anyone to tell you that you were wrong to use a safeword; the judgment of when to use or not use one is purely your decision and is not debatable. Even if you've given consent to an activity in your pre-scene negotiations, you are entitled to withdraw that consent if the activity isn't working for you — if its too intense or if you're reacting in a way you hadn't anticipated. Although a top may feel disappointed by your use of a safeword,

she doesn't get to express anger or reproach, or put you down for safewording. Your safeword is your mechanism for taking care of yourself and nobody but you can tell you how to take care of yourself. It can happen (and probably will) that in some scene or other, you may fail to safeword, then on later consideration wish that you had. You may have gotten so deeply into the role that you forgot that you had choices, or you got so nonverbal you forgot about speech, or you may have been too embarrassed, or maybe you just kept putting it off... most experienced subs will admit to having made all these mistakes. This can leave you in the very uncomfortable position of having played heavier (with, perhaps, some bruises and welts to remind you of it) than you would have if your top hadn't turned your brain off for you like you asked him to.

This is not an occasion to blame anyone, not your top or yourself. It is an occasion to arrange to talk later to the top so that she doesn't continue operating on the assumption that you liked something that in fact you didn't.

We have met subs who say they don't want to negotiate a safeword because "if I have one, I use it before I'm really ready for the scene to stop." Our experience has been that as you learn more about your own limits and about your partner, you'll learn how to "stretch" and allow your limits to be pushed further and further. There's also no reason why the use of a safeword should mean that you have to stop playing entirely, unless that's the specific meaning you've negotiated for your safeword: you can safeword, drop out of the scene, do whatever communication is called for to make the scene work for everybody, and then go right back to stretching those limits. Don't give up on safewords... simply learn more about your own capabilities and desires.

We have also met tops who want to dispose of safewords for certain scenes, such as punishment scenes ("How can I push limits if my sub's just going to call safeword on me?"). We strongly suggest that you not allow this to happen with you. A possible compromise might be an agreement that you will do your best not to use your safeword because of intense sensation, but that you still have it in place if you need it due to extreme emotional distress (such as unexpected age regression or violent rage), an awareness of damage to your body, physical illness, or similar emergencies.

Playing without a safeword may seem like a hot scene — that's the fantasy - but the reality is that in consensual

BDSM there are always safewords or safeword-equivalents. They may be subtle, or based on a couple's knowledge of each other, or they may be normal speech or messages in the code of sub's and top roles, but they still function as safewords. When no form of safeword has been agreed on, the sub has to resort to shrieking "Stop this scene you are a crud I hate you stop NOW!" to get the point across. We think safewords are a more civilized choice.

We have met players who structure scenes by playing heavier and heavier until the sub calls a safeword. This is not an appropriate goal for a scene: for most subs, using a safeword is associated with feelings of failure and shame. Most of us would rather end a scene by succeeding in taking some intense and difficult stimulus. Then everybody feels like a winner. Besides, any fool can do things to you that you dont like - why bother to play at all? We hope it never happens to you that you have to call safeword because your top has purposefully and maliciously violated a limit. But if it does, there may be no point in trying to continue the scene; trust has been broken. It may or may not be worthwhile to spend some time later in non-scene space trying to explain your feelings to this top, in hopes that he will learn something from the experience. Or you may find that later, when you're not in role and not under stress, you no longer perceive the top's actions as malicious - in which case you owe him an apology. But the vast majority of safeword situations fall under the "shit happens" category: something has gone wrong that neither the top nor the bottom could have reasonably predicted, or one partner has made an honest mistake. In this case, it is usually both possible and realistic to talk through what happened, agree on a solution to the problem, and proceed with the scene. You'll find it requires much less time to get back into the same space and level of arousal then it took to get there in the first place. Rossie remembers:

The first year I did S/M with a partner, every scene we did ended in a safeword from one or the other of us. We were new and very nervous, and when one of us safeworded, we would throw all the toys and bondage stuff off the bed, have something to drink, agonize over whatever went wrong this time, despair a little, and then realize that we were terribly turned on and fuck like crazy amidst the abandoned piles of ropes and chains. It took us a long time to realize that these weren't failed scenes — they were successful ones!

Check-Ins. "Check-ins" are a way for tops to take initiative to see how the bottom is doing and stay in touch with what's going on. Consent can thus be reaffirmed throughout the scene without breaking role. Consider, for example, asking a sub to kiss a whip or other implement: it lets the sub know what is proposed, giving them, or her the opportunity to question or object, or consent with a kiss.

Threats of scary or new activity are also sexy, and offer a chance for the sub if necessary to say "I don't think I'm quite ready for the steel bullwhip tonight, sir or madam." Check-ins are necessary to stay in touch with what's going on, especially when the activity places the top in a location where she might not be able to hear words or read facial expressions, or when the top has reason to believe that the sub has "gone under" to an extent that taking initiative may be difficult. Overly frequent check-ins can be irritating: when a top asks you if you're okay every thirty seconds, you can come to feel that your top's need for reassurance is disrupting the play However, tops should not be forced to carry on with no reassurance whatsoever; then they might not feel safe to go as far as you want them to.

A top can check in with questions like "Do you remember your safeword?" or "Are you still with me?" Partners can agree on a check-in code similar to a safeword -the "two squeezes" check-in, in which the top squeezes the sub's hand twice to check in, and the sub squeezes back twice if he is okay, is growing in popularity.

Can You Change Your Mind? Some players believe consent should never be renegotiated "upwards" mid-scene, because when people are excited they may decide it would be great to do something that in a cooler moment they would regret. You are always entitled to withdraw consent if you have changed your mind about a proposed activity - you may have tried something new and found it didn't work, or you may have reacted in a way you hadn't expected.

Some feel that it's okay to renegotiate consent when the situation is very clear. We've both had experiences in which "very clear" has sounded like "Yes! Push that limit! Do it now! Yes, please!" And that can indeed work very well at times, and we don't want to argue with inspiration... but, if there is any doubt at all, please include the activity in future negotiations rather than trying to include it in that session. Remember, there is always the future, and play that is worth doing is worth waiting for. The watchword for these kinds of decisions is "know thyself." The more you can be honest and accepting of yourself and your desires, the easier it is to make sane decisions about how to achieve them.

Afterwards. Many good players also set up a time after the scene to review what happened, what worked, what didn't, who wanted more of what, and so on. Maybe the next day, maybe over brunch, maybe a phone call during the week - anytime but directly afterwards. Right after the scene, objectivity is not possible. Some communicate in person, others by e-mail - some dominants require their submissives to maintain a journal which the dominant can access.

However you choose to organize this discussion, remember to include praise for what you liked, and approach any concerns or difficulties without blarne. None of us are psychic enough to prevent misunderstandings, and so we have to figure out more mundane ways to let each other know what s going on. In a friendly and cooperative manner, share what you liked, and what you might have liked different. Give your top a space to share his/her experience as well.

If you make this a regular practice in your play, you will rapidly learn to collaborate to create scenes from your wildest fantasies!

Edited Sat 14 Jan 12, 7:01 PM by oneangel

BDSM means Bondage-Discipline-Sadism-Masochism, while there are just four words; they represent a huge diversification within the lifestyle. They represent the power exchange and control that takes place between a Dominant and a submissive. The Dominant agrees to embrace the control which the submissive gives up, and in turn teaches, nurtures and disciplines the submissive.  If rules are broken by, the submissive can expect to be disciplined. This can involve caning, spanking or even just being ignored. A Sadist is one who enjoys giving extreme stimulation, perhaps including pain and that can also be purely psychological, such people who find humiliation and verbal abuse sexually exciting.  Most masochists enjoy receiving extreme stimulation, which may include pain and psychological play. As a submissive, once we hand over control to our dominant, we do not have say in what we want. I smile when I consider some of the wonderful experiences I have had with pain.

It can be a powerful act to submit to someone else who wants to hurt you in a positive sense; it’s a fantastic gesture of trust. The pain is not really pain anymore in an S&M scene,  it's an overwhelmingly intense stimulation, which when administered by a skilled Dominate who can bring a sub to entirely new heights of ecstasy by taking a fantasy and turning it into reality, creating a magical space in which your desire can come to thrilling life and very addictive. The first rule of BDSM is that it's is always to be Safe, Sane, Consensual, if isn’t, then it is abuse, which is a criminal act and is illegal. Unfortunately this lifestyle draws abusers to it, like any lifestyle, but in general, we are very careful to stamp out any abuse we see. As it has no place in BDSM. This is partly why we decided to write this book, so we can help others understand BDSM, help them to stay safe within it and most of all enjoy it.

 There are many facets to BDSM, we cannot say one is more correct or wrong than the other because we should respect we all have individual needs and desires. To many who are not part of the lifestyle (vanilla), it will come across as just kinky sex. But BDSM is not all about sex, yes a lot can be sexual but for many, sex is not the driving force.  Many embrace the power and control that is consensually given and taken. Without doubt some just like the corporal punishment side of play, some just like control and that is ok too as long as both adults are consenting.

It should be noted that just because someone is a dominant, it doesn’t mean they know more than you. A good dominant will know not only know your strength and weakness, but will also listen to you.

Some maybe brought to their own knees with the weight of the gift of submission and the responsibility that comes with it. These days some do not see or realise they have this duty of care to their submissive. But they sure as hell do. I know my submission is a  gift of my Heart and Soul, it is special and will not be given to just anyone who calls themselves a dominant.  

So let us briefly look at the History of BDSM. It has been around since the 9th century BC, ritual flagellations were performed in Artemis Orthia. There are reports of brothels specializing in flagellation as early as 1769 and John Cleland's novel Fanny Hill, published in 1749, mentions a flagellation scene.

The terms "Sadism" and "Masochism" are derived from the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, based on the content of the authors' works. In 1843 the Hungarian physician Heinrich Kaan published Psychopathia sexualis the "Psychopathy of Sex", where he converts the sin conceptions of Christianity into medical diagnoses. With his work the originally theological terms "perversion", "aberration" and "deviation" became part of the scientific terminology for the first time. The German psychiatrist Richard von Krafft Ebing introduced the terms "Sadism" and "Masochism" into the medical terminology in his work Neue Forschungen auf dem Gebiet der Psychopathia sexualis in 1890.  

In 1905 Sigmund Freud described "Sadism" and "Masochism" in his Drei Abhandlungen zur Sexualtheorie as diseases developing from an incorrect development of the child psyche and laid the groundwork for the scientific perspective on the subject in the following decades. This lead to the first time use of the compound term Sado-Masochism  by the Viennese Psychoanalytic Isidor Isaak Sadger in its work Über den sado-masochistischen Komplex in 1913

The leather Family.

A lot of the BDSM ethos can be traced back to the gay male leather culture, which formalized itself out of the group of men who were soldiers returning home after World War II (1939-1945) This subculture is epitomized by the Leatherman's Handbook by Larry Townsend, published in 1972, which essentially defined what was later called the "Old Guard leather" culture. This code emphasized strict formality and fixed roles and did not include lesbian women or heterosexuals. In 1981, however, the publication of Coming to Power by lesbian-feminist group Samois led to a greater knowledge and acceptance of BDSM in the lesbian community. They got into conflict with fundamentalist part of the feminist movement which considers BDSM to be the base of misogyny and violent porn.

Today the Leather Movement is seen as a part of the BDSM-culture instead as a development deriving from gay subculture. In the 1990s the New Guard leather subculture evolved as a reaction to the Old Guard's restrictions. Where they embraced switching, heterosexuals and women and they started to integrate psychological aspects into their play and to diminish the old rigid distinction of roles.Leather breeches were created and worn even in London and from there also exported to the then 'new world'. In Virginia in the 1700's leather breeches were a very common item of apparel among all classes too, our armed forces used leather too...

Gorean

The lifestyle may also contain a relationship between a Man and female in a Master/slave relationship, in which, the female gives total control to the Master but many Goreans/Kaotins do not see themselves as part of BDSM.

The Gorean kajira (slave girl) is "owned" property of Their Master and can be done with as they wish.

A  Master treats his slave as a cherished possession and cares for and maintains his kajira in health and well-being. A Master trains his slave and helps them strive to bring forth the true slave that they are deep within. The kajira must be aware that they has no rights, not even to a name, and should therefore have no expectations on how they should be treated. They should know, deep within themselves that they will be treated in whatever fashion their Master desires and they must accept that fact. A kajira should expect no special attentions or considerations from her Master. At times they maybe lavishly loved both physically and emotionally and at other times be completely ignored or treated as a piece of furniture, Corporal Punishment is seen as discipline and punishment. They can be whipped, chained, deprived, sleep on a cold floor and/or made to eat on their hands & knees from a bowl on the floor. This is part of the realities of the Gorean kajira. A kajira must be totally obedient and pleasing to the Master otherwise they are at the Master's whim...

During the early late 60's and 70's, BDSM blossomed and many books and magazines like: Master  by Tuxedo Books in1964, Dancer of Gor, Tarnsman of Gor by John Norman,  spanking magazine, Rubber and Latex Special,  Atomage, The Bazaar Exchange and Mart, Aggressive Girls and Latent Image,  newspapers like the Fetish Times and The Berkeley started running personal ads allowing people to seek out others of like interest.  

In 1994 the BDSM community had grown and there was so much interaction among long-timers took place in a couple of chat rooms on AOL and there a discussion about a BDSM symbol evolved. So the question was whether there could be a way we can spot each other in a non-trolling and friendly way. They discussed a symbol we could wear to identify ourselves to each other without anyone in the vanilla world being the wiser. Quagmyr proposed a design for a BDSM Emblem in 1995 he was originally inspired by the Roissy rings in the "Story of O", although he later decided the Roissy design had spirals rather than "teardrops." In fact the Triskelion is an ancient symbol used by many cultures.

The BDSM Emblem is a design intended to symbolise BDSM similar to a three-fold Yin Yang symbol. The rim and three curved "spokes" of the design are meant to be presented in some metallic colour, the three inner fields are black, the three "dots" are not dots but holes and the arms curve clockwise. It is used by the community to identify itself called the triskelion and it has three divisions that represent the various threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D, D&S, and S&M. Secondly, the three-way creed of BDSM behaviour: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Thirdly, the three divisions of our community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches.   

There is an entire industry surrounding BDSM, such as fetish fairs, fetish markets, the internet and munches. These events provide props and toys usually with selling lots of floggers, canes, leather restraints, handcuffs, ropes, dildo's anal plugs, nipple clamps and magnets, crops, vibrators, rubber and leather wear and much more.

Flogging! This is one of the first skills many new players acquire. It appears to be the easiest to learn, next to spanking. However, both of those activities hold subtle nuances that can enhance them from simple impact to erotic sensation. Bringing that energy and power to

flogging is what this paper is about. How do we transform flogging form an ordinary, bored with it activity to one we look forward to doing? Some have tried the fancy showmanship style of flogging.

While I admit this takes skill and it looks really impressive, I feel it sidesteps the real goal of flogging: to excite and elicit a response from our partner receiving the sensations. After all are we not here for that reason, not to show off. The energy exchange is one of the underlying reasons we engage in this lifestyle.

The first step in discovering how to do sensation flogging (cr: 2005) is to know your tools. If we are not knowledgeable of the sensations created by the myriad of floggers available, we can not accurately use them on our partners. We need to know the material, what it feels like and the types of marks it could leave. I have seen too many newbies pick up a chain flogger, go all weak kneed and begin to use it on their partner. They seem surprised then at the welts that rise up. All of the floggers available today on the market can be used on a continuum.

Soft to hard. This is aside from material what they are constructed of.

So, let`s go over some of them:

• Suede: This is a favorite of mine as it is a great sensual inbetween tool. Good place for novices to start to move up. Go hard and heavy, then return to your suede and watch your partner melt! The ends of suede can deliver a great sting.

• Moose: Can feel like butter on skin! Very soft. Delivers little sting, more thud. Good for caressing the skin lightly.

• Cow: This is the most popular material for flogger makers. Easy to work with, the cow hide can vary from soft to heavy grade. More stingy than others. When purchasing you really need to pay attention to the grade.

•Buffalo: heavy leather all around. Heavy to throw and heavy on impact. Thud instead of sting, but the tails are wonderful for heavy sting if you can manipulate it right.

• Latigo: Very sharp, usually rough thong sides and tails. Light to throw but gives a deep sting quickly.

• Rubber: Very intense, quick to mark a sub. Depending on the way it is constructed, it may cut.

• Rope: Depending on how it is constructed, it can be wonderfully light or really harsh. If thick cording, it may leave welts.

• Horsehair: Wonderfully light to throw and incredibly stingy. Great to use after a very heavy thud run or an intense one such as rubber or chain.

• Chain: not to be played with lightly unless you are going to use it as a temperature tool, not a flogger. Will cut skin or blood blisters. Not to be used lightly.

•Elk: It has the softness of deer but much heavier when striking. Elk weighs more so its impact is thuddier. A good starting point for a thud rotation. Wielding the flogger is the most important step in learning how to do sensation flogging. Most of us know the basic X pattern (also known as the figure 8) for flogging. We know to stay away from the spine directly. Now we need to move beyond that to other ways to move the

whip. Other than the X pattern, you have the H pattern, the W pattern, the double line pattern, baseball bat and the snap. The H pattern goes up one shoulder blade, across to the other and down. This can be to encompass the buttocks as well, giving a nice jump to the sub.

The W pattern is a bit more complex, going up straight, over at an angle, down at an angle, then up again. Double line is a side to side repeated motion with the flogger across the back.

Baseball bat is a full force hit straight across the tops of the shoulder blades. With this you need to be very precise with your aim. Do not go below the shoulder blades or above the tailbone. A full force swing in the middle of the back can be crippling. Snap is just that! A snap to the flesh with just the tails of the falls. Most of these techniques can be done on the breast/chest area as well. I often use the double line on breasts, but with a small enough flogger, you can do the W and H.

Snapping works well on the chest area. Move beyond just the back region. Use the whole body of your partner. Use the flogger as your paintbrush to put your energy onto their skin canvas. Pillows make great practice dummies till you get the movement down and help in gauging your force.

Force is an important thing to master when you are flogging for sensation. Even a chain flogger can be used if the force is light enough. Light force usually results in a sensation much like someone breathing on the back of you neck and giving you goose bumps. Vary your force to surprise them. Start out light, and then give a heavy

whack! Vice versa! It is a wonderful thing to watch the sub try to

guess how and where you will strike next. It adds the mind fuck element to your flogging. These are just a few other techniques you can use to vary the sensation in your flogging scene.

I thank the person I got this from, whom I can not remember as it was several years ago but I am sure the person who wrote it will notmind it being shard for people to learn and use a flogger safer.

Needle stick safety should always be a priority.

What are needle stick injuries?

Needle stick injuries are wounds caused by needles that accidentally puncture the skin. Needle stick injuries are a hazard for people who work with hypodermic syringes and other needle equipment. (Like needle play) These injuries can occur at any time when people use, disassemble, or dispose of needles. When not disposed of properly, needles can become concealed in bags or garbage and injure other workers who encounter them unexpectedly.

Needle stick injuries can transmit infectious diseases, especially blood-borne viruses. In recent years, concern about AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome), hepatitis B, and hepatitis C has prompted research to find out why these injuries occur and to develop measures to prevent them. Despite published guidelines and training programs, needle stick injuries remain an ongoing problem.

What are the hazards of needle stick injuries?

Accidental punctures by contaminated needles can inject hazardous fluids into the body through the skin. There is potential for injection of infectious fluids, especially blood, is by far the greatest concern. Even small amounts of infectious fluid can spread certain diseases effectively.

Accidental injection of blood-borne viruses is the major hazard of needle stick injuries, especially the viruses that cause AIDS (the HIV virus), hepatitis B, and hepatitis C.

The risk of infection after exposure to infected blood varies by blood borne pathogen. The risk of transmission after exposure to HIV-infected blood is about 0.3%, whereas it is estimated to be up to 100 times greater for hepatitis B virus (30%) and could be as high as 10% for hepatitis C virus. From there is any risk, we should be aware of it when we are considering playing and ensure safe practices.

How can needle stick injuries be prevented?

Preventing needle stick injuries is the most effective way to protect workers/players from the infectious diseases that needle stick accidents transmit. A comprehensive needle stick injury prevention program would include:

Recommended guidelines for using pins and needles in clubs. Effective disposal systems. (clubs could provide needle boxes) Surveillance programs. Improved equipment design and have a safe area for needle play, needles can drop out remember.

What to do when you have a needle stick injury Try to make it bleed under warm running water. Wash the wound and put a plaster on. Complete the accident and report book. Go to the A & E and report you had a needle stick injury

Does any club look at the risks and there Health and Safety. The H&S has to look at when clubs are allowing people to use pins and needles within and on their premises. from there is a slight risk, there a risk. They should have carried out risk assessments, which should include the risk of an injury, and setting up procedures for what if an incidence occurs.

Once a risk assessment is completed, a detailed policy and procedure must be developed to ensure that there is a safe system of work. The policy must be clear, practical, widely communicated, enforced and monitored.

The control of Substances Hazardous to Health regulations 1998 also requires employers to do a risk assessment where hazardous substances are concerned. This includes the risk of infection from needle stick injuries…. 

A handy thing to know which will help your sub/bottom/slave when they have gone into sub space. When appropriate afterwards please remember to give them something like: sweets, full fat coke, fresh fruits or such as these will minimize the systemic shock and sugar drop, however these do not help the endorphin drop, but dark chocolate does.

 I chanced upon it when looking back over notes from many years ago. I don't know who the author was so I can't credit them. And I'm unable to comment about whether everything written here is 100% accurate or up-to-date. Regardless, I think this is too good a resource not to share, and I hope it will benefit some of the readers...

After-care

There is a lot more to it than sweets, water and cuddles. There is a science to it and it takes being aware of the body and the way it reacts to stimuli and understanding exactly what occurs in the body to begin with.

First off, there are two different things that can and most often do occur in our body during a scene. Our bodies adrenal glands kick in and our body also produces endorphins.

What are Endorphins and what do they do to your body?

* In 1975, Endorphins were discovered by Dr. John Hughes and Dr. Kosterlitz.

* Endorphins have both neurological and spinal effects.

* Twenty different types of Endorphins have been discovered in the nervous system.

* The word Endorphin is abbreviated from 'endogenous morphine' which means a morphine produced naturally in the body.

* Endorphins are renowned worldwide as anti-stress hormones that relieve pain naturally.

* They are secreted to remove stress or pain when you have pain or stress. In other words, they block the signal of pain to the nervous system. This being an effect that reduces the pain and causing an euphoric effect to occur.

(1). Endorphins enhance our immune system: When endorphins are secreted, they activate natural killer cells (NK cells) and thereby increase our immune system. Under stress, your immunocompetence is reduced remarkably. NK cells are likely to lose their effect under stress. NK cells, which take responsibility for the immune system by killing defective cells, also have the ability to kill cancer cells.

(2). Endorphins block the lesion of blood vessel: As the endorphins are secreted more and more, the shrunken blood vessels return to a normal state allowing blood to flow in a normal manner. Most adult disease start from clogged blood vessels. Endorphins help to improve the circulation of blood.

(3). Endorphins have anti-aging effects by removing Superoxide: The oxygen coming into the body from breathing can change into a Superoxide. This is one of the biggest enemies for humans, causing diseases and aging. Endorphins can remove this harmful Superoxide by facilitating the production of 'SOD' (Superoxide Dismutase). This is possible because the endorphins can keep the brain cells young and healthy. SOD is the enzyme which neutralizes the toxicity of the harmful Superoxide. Therefore endorphins have anti-aging effects.

(4). Endorphins are anti-stress hormones: The ability to cope with the stress is in proportion to the endorphins levels we have in our body. We will encounter great difficulties in removing our stress unless sufficient amounts of endorphins are released.

(5). Endorphins have a pain-relieving effect: Our nervous system secretes neuro-transmitters when it receives the signal of pain. Once the endorphins are released at that moment of pain, endorphins combine with endorphin receptors on the neuron, which hinders the first neuro-transmitters from being secreted.

(6). Endorphins help improve your memory: You can improve your memory by the help of endorphins because they can keep the brain cells young and healthy. They will help you to maintain a harmonious relationship with your colleagues. You will also be able to think creatively and have more endurance.

(7). Endorphins are mood regulators: Amongst the twenty different kinds of endorphins identified several of them have been found to be effective mood regulators.

Endorphins, when they are secreted continuously, spread to the whole body including the brain - hence the feeling of euphoria but also the ability to process pain at a different rate. Unfortunately Endorphins cannot work for a long time because our body also makes enzymes, called endorphinase, which chew up the Endorphins. This is the reason why Endorphins can stop working when a scene ends and pain can then set in. It is not an uncommon thing to take a good deal of pain in scene and then the next day find ourselves saying, "What WAS I thinking?"

What are the Adrenal Glands and what do they do to your body?

The Adrenal glands, are small, pyramid-shaped organs that secretes many important hormones. The body has two adrenal glands, one on top of each kidney. The adrenals, also called suprarenals, measure about 2 inches (5 centimeters) each in diameter. Each adrenal gland consists of a medulla (inner core) and a cortex (outer shell).

The adrenal medulla is controlled by the nervous system. Nerve signals stimulate the medulla to secrete epinephrine (also called adrenalin) and norepinephrine (also called noradrenalin) into the blood. These hormones help the body adjust to sudden stress. For example, they increase the rate and strength of the heartbeat, raise the blood pressure, and speed up the body's energy-producing processes

The adrenal cortex secretes many hormones, some of which are essential to life. These hormones, called corticosteroids, belong to three main groups1) glucocorticoids, (2) mineralocorticoids, and (3) sex hormones.

Glucocorticoids regulate the use of digested foods and help the body adapt to stress. The most important glucocorticoid is cortisol, also called hydrocortisone. The secretion of the glucocorticoids is controlled by adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH). ACTH is produced by the pituitary gland, a small organ near the base of the brain. Physicians use cortisol, and synthetic compounds that resemble it, to control inflammation.

Mineralocorticoids regulate the excretion of sodium and potassium by the kidneys. Aldosterone is the most important mineralocorticoid. Renin, a hormone secreted by the kidneys, controls the production of aldosterone. Overproduction of aldosterone causes high blood pressure in some people.

The adrenal glands produce only small amounts of sex hormones, chiefly the male sex hormones called androgens. The adrenal androgens help regulate the development of pubic hair and other early sexual characteristics in both males and females during the period just prior to puberty. (As this only occurs in this stage, it is really just an addition fact here and has nothing to do with what occurs to an adult body within the confines of a scene)

SO... Now that you know what both our adrenal glands and endorphins are and what they do to your body, it is easier to actually understand what happens during a scene and then also look at how your body (or the body of another) is reacting after a scene and to compensate for some of the negative after effects that can come about.

During a scene, our bodies push both and, in effect, our bodies are thrown out of balance because of the massive chemicals it puts there to compensate. The MOST important reason for after care is to assist the body in re-adjusting to its normal state. It is not healthy NOT to do that frankly.

The down sides to Endorphins and what our adrenal glands give us in scene:

The body doesn't normally produce huge amounts of endorphins usually and even when it produces more than usual (such as when you are in scene) the endorphins will also activate opiate receptors, which is the process that allows you to process the pain easier but it can cause some other side effects as well sometimes. Opiate receptors can inhibit other things in the body aside from pain receptors - things such as seratonin.

Seratonin can affect things such as appetite, sleep, memory, learning, temperature regulation, mood, sexual behavior, cardiovascular function, muscle contraction, endocrine regulation, and, of course, depression.

It is theorized that it is the endorphins affects on the seratonin levels during scening that causes many of the after affects that need to be dealt with in aftercare and most especially could be responsible for the severity of the "drop" phenomenon some encounter anywhere from immediately after ending a scene to up to 270 hours after a scene. (Yep that is 11.25 DAYS later folks - although this is extremely rare - it has been known to happen in a few cases).

The down side to what the adrenal glands do is that it virtually STARVES your body of some things such as potassium and sodium. Also the adrenalin rush causes the body to burn fluids at a much higher rate as well so you are rapidly dehydrating yourself at the same time.

Can you see the picture of a drop now?

Reduced or inhibited serotonin levels, lowered blood sugar, potassium and sodium levels, lowered body fluids. This causes (depending on the depletion levels) lethargy, depression, muscle weakness and/or cramps, nausea, headaches, dizziness, irregular body temperature, lack of mental focus, irritability, and can lead to unconsiousness and even more severe problems.

One other thing to note (thank you my friend for pointing this out). The signs mentioned above - they are NOT solely occurring in the bottom/submissive/slave - the top/Dominant/Master expends energy in the form of both mental and physical exercise - this WILL cause much of the same things to occur in their bodies as what occurs in their partners - depending on their physical make up, the strenuousness of the scene, etc. - they may actually drop harder than their partner at times.

It is therefore important to not only be aware of what is occurring with your partner but also with you if you are the top/Dominant/Master. I have known of a few instances where a Dominant pushed themselves past where they should have gone and they collapsed after a scene.

Reading the Signs and What to Do:

The second most necessary thing for the human body is water. The first is air. Water serves a dual purpose in the body. Water in the human body is 70 percent of our muscles and 75 percent of our brains. Therefore, replenishing any reduction of water to our bodies is the first most essential thing to do after (and during) a scene.

The second benefit of water is the bodies ability to flush itself with water. The more water you push through it, the more quickly you will flush the body of those chemicals which are causing the imbalance. It will also push the nutrients you are putting into your body to replenish your losses at a faster rate as well.

So if you take nothing else away from this, take this piece, WATER - drink lots and lots of water. Even if you do nothing else, this one thing alone will reduce several of the after effects and the length of time you experience them.

From there, you need to be reading the signs. Is the person cold? Are the shaking? Are they coherent? Are they rational? What do they MOST desire? All of these questions will help you to determine the symptoms and from that you can basically determine what the body needs.

Signs of Dehydration:

* sunken eyes

* dry or sticky mucous membranes in the mouth

* the skin may lack its normal elasticity and sag back into position slowly when pinched up into a fold (poor skin turgor)

* decreased or absent urine output (oliguria or anuria)

* decreased tears

* deep and rapid breathing

* delayed capillary refill

 with severe dehydration -- lethargic or comatose

 Signs of HIGH Blood Sugar: 

* frequent urination

* excessive thirst

* hunger

* fatigue

* blurry vision

Signs of LOW Blood Sugar:

* Fatigue

* General discomfort, uneasiness, or ill feeling (malaise)

* Nervousness

* Irritability, or even aggression

* Trembling

* Headache

* Hunger

* Cold sweats

* Rapid heart rate

* Blurry or double vision

* Confusion

* Sleeping difficulty

* Paleness

* Muscle pain

* Memory loss

* Palpitations, or feeling your heartbeat (heartbeat sensations)

* Hallucinations

* Fainting

* Different size pupils

* Dizziness

The Biggest Nasty of them All

Remember that I mentioned that endorphins can affect other things in the body? There are five main chemicals that govern our brains emotional center. Opiods (endorphins), Dopamine, GABA, Serotonin and norepinephrine. The first and last I mentioned in the first post. But here is the real kicker to all of this.

Opiods start the process - if those levels are off they trigger the others. So high levels of endorphins, lowered levels of the others usually, and when the endorphins are dissipated by enzymes, those lowered levels will cause anxiety, depression, and lots of other icky feelings to remain in place. Thus sometimes causing severe sub and top drop.

The really bad thing is that your body can get caught in a loop almost with this and if it is not corrected, it can go on for days and in very severe cases weeks, months and even years. This means that these signs really need to be watched for carefully. Especially in those that already suffer from bouts of depression and/or anxiety.

So how do you Treat the symptoms?

As stated dehydration is the easiest to treat once it hits but the best way to deal with this is not to let it occur in the first place frankly. Keeping fit, eating right, drinking the proper amounts of fluids each day all lend themselves to have LESS problems after a scene.

Still sometimes we stress our bodies to the max in scenes (that is sort of the point sometimes I think) and then the after effects can be anywhere from minor to very serious when we do that. Therefore knowing how to read the signs and what to do when they come is just as important.

Know the difference between high and low blood sugar - feeding sugar when a person is spiked on sugar can cause them serious harm. Most scenes though will result in lowered blood sugar levels but do not assume that is the case with everyone - diabetics and hypoglycemics can react exactly the opposite sometimes. So know their medicals before playing with them (that goes BOTH ways folks).

Low blood sugar can be easily treated with both natural and raw sugars. The body will normally respond within 20 minutes or so - if it doesn't you are probably suffering from additional problems on top of lowered blood sugars.

Dehydration will often cause the body to be lacking in potassium and calcium so eating things with salt like crackers, salted nuts, preztels help. Bananas and Strawberries are high in potassium so they are excellent fruits to have on hand after scening (or even during). High potassium drinks and smoothies with bananas in them are beneficial.

The body is going to want to balk at eating for the most part normally, but small portions will usually go in and stay in.

Potassium is slow to return to the body so it will normally take 24 to 48 hours for the symptoms - muscle cramps and charlie horses in the extremities (low end), nausea and runny bowel movements (medium end), body cramps, vomiting, diarreaha (sp?) (high end) - to dissipate and your body to return to normal. HINT: Many times cases of food poisoning - are actually severe irregularities with Potassium levels. Course food poisoning can cause depletion of Potassium so it is difficult to tell which is actually occurring while it is occurring.

Sleep helps give the body time to adjust itself but get that water into you first. Even an hour will help usually.

And where do the cuddles and such come into all of this? That is the area that deals with stress. When you scene you put your body into stress (both of you do basically). THAT is where the body reacts and your neurotransmitters go all wonky and that affects all five of the neurotransmitters and so it is necessary to break that cyclical thing your body will do when this occurs.

Hugs, laughter, orgasms (yep they are NOT just enjoyable they are GOOD for you too), human touch, all of those things aid in breaking that cyclical thing that keeps you in a lethargic and/or depressed state. Other things are up to you - what tends to make you happy - or even just calms you when you need to calm down - that is what the key is, what brings you up or balances you when you are down or anxious. Think about those things and plan to access them within the next few days after a scene.

I had this on my old journal ages ago but i thought i would put it up again so it can be read... 

SAFETY FOR NEW SUBS

Mistyblue and I wrote this in 2009 and thought it would also be good advice to bring back onto this new site for newbees... 

How much do you trust and how safe are you?

There are stories floating around  from time to time about how things have gone wrong now and then. Maybe finding out about them will give you more to talk about and make everyone's comments even more valid.

New subs particularly need to feel its ok to ask questions, open questions before they even consider the first meet. To submit to anyone you need to know exactly where you stand and what the lifestyle entails and is expected of you. On a first meeting it is important to openly ask questions, to be able to gain knowledge and therefore more effectively safeguard yourselves now and for the future. It is only through asking questions that we learn to embrace the lifestyle and become who we were truly meant to be. With being submissive, it is essential we know how to protect ourselves.

Knowing what we are looking for in a Master/Dom/me before we look. Where are our boundaries? Understanding about 'safe words' and why they are important.Checking out Masters/Doms/Dommes .. the wannabe ones compared with those with true expertise. Exactly how far are we prepared to go. Understanding the phraseology ... understanding the words behind the lifestyle. If you are ever confronted with some terminology you don't understand, especially with regard to an offer to try something, ensure you know what it is before you accept the offer.

So get to know them online, even meetings at a munch is a good start.

The idea that it isn't good to have sex on the first meet... it's about checking each other out, asking the right questions, bringing up the right issues, body language, dress, history and knowing where to check that out, etc.

Safe calls:

Have a friend you trust to be your safe call. Tell this friend exactly who you are meeting, their landline number, when the meeting is taking place, the location of the meet and the name of the person you are meeting. If possible, try to obtain the car number of the person you are meeting, so there can be no mistake or confusion and you have something tangible to go by rather than meeting a complete stranger. A photograph is also a good idea, that way you can be certain who it is you are looking for, instead of standing waiting for someone to approach. Talk to your friend also about using a word if you feel unsafe. Take a mobile with you so you can telephone your friend and arrangements are already in place to collect you. Always know exactly how you are leaving, and never get into the car of a stranger, someone you just don't know.

Another good idea is to arrange with the Dominant you are meeting a word that means 'NO', like the 'RED' some use in play. It is vital the Dominant knows this word, and that it clearly means that without a moment's hesitation that on hearing it from you, the meet or/and play stops immediately and goes no further.

Have money in your pocket. Never go empty handed, totally dependent on the person you are meeting. You may need bus fare, petrol, train fare etc...

When you first arrange to meet a new Dominant, tell them you have arranged a safe call, so they will know and respect that you will call a friend just after you meet. A good Dominant will appreciate and respect you all the more for putting these safeguards in place.

For the Dom there are risks too as none of us know who either of us are. They too need effective safety measures in place and do as I suggest to you maybe, they should phone you and check you are back at home safe after you first meet and that you have contacted your friend. That is a mark of respect for you and your well-being and a good opportunity for you both to talk about how it all felt and if you want it to move forward if you haven't already.

One to one meets are what thousands of people do each weekend. The one difference is when the issue of restraints being used arrives. It might be best to get to know and to trust your partner a little first. If play still goes ahead and you are being restrained then you should have some freedom of movement as well as a safe word to be able to stop it and retain a degree of control. It is also essential you build up trust between you and have a degree of safeguard in place for your own protection. There are no guarantees in life, so do ensure you have friends you know and can contact and ask questions of. There is also the question of whether the Dominant is happy for you to contact them. At all costs, make certain you discuss this beforehand - either on the phone or online before the actual meeting takes place.

There is a rationality behind the decision to embrace being a submissive. An awareness of actually being a sub is something any submissive strongly needs to keep hold of, rather than accepting the attitude - "I need to get laid and will put up with anything" - a point of view vocalised in the past but obviously NOT what it's about.

Once that first crucial meeting has taken place, if the meeting was successful a submissive will be left with the enhancement of awareness, an incredible feeling coming from a place deep within the soul that this is absolutely right for me! This is a good indicator, and as long as it fits with what a submissive feels they need, it can go on to become an aching desire to make that connection to become whole and complete in the certain knowledge that you have met 'The One' someone to whom you are willing to go that extra mile, and to give your complete submission, body, mind, spirit, and soul.

In the time that follows, somewhere deep inside there is a spark that comes from that first meeting which lights a wick, burning true and clear like a flame, representing an aching need for the journey to begin, taking one small step at a time.

 
Hope you enjoyed. This advice is non-gender-specific (applies to males just as much as females)

 
So remember guys and girls you should go with your gut (the gift of fear) and not go ahead if anything seems wrong or doesn't sit right in any way.

 
Thank you Please enjoy your journey...

The rain came flooding down sounding like hail stones but were not... the sky goes dark and then the thunder came to life going  bang bang. I jumped up to watch for about 5 minutes as the sky played its drums until the lighting came which lighted up the sky like fireworks... The thunder then starting rolling away as it got lower and lower in tone but then the lighting crackled, bolted as it started to sparkle again... Dam!! it went as fast as it came and all i am left listening to is the dancing of the rain...

The flowers planted will enjoy its on going shower and they will give more pleasure to many as they grow... yes some times we forget about the good reactions of our mother nature and whats exactly in front of our own very eyes...

I have blue tits nesting in my bird box... its so lovely to see them being fed and peeking there little beaks out when the parent tit is there with food. 

It makes me smile and remember some times its the simplest things in life that makes you feel good. 

Ludwig van Beethoven's birthday tomorrow and his fantastic music still lives on after his death on 26 March 1827 and I would have loved to go to the concert tomorrow in his memory... sad face!!

Good music never dies... His music still touches spots within me others have never reached, tears can run down my face and my hairs on my body can tingle with pleasure that i am unable to say why other than pure pleasure.

To name a few i like, Moonlight Sontata for It seems so simple in many ways, but there are very complex rhythmic structures as well as a beautiful melodic line. However Fur Elise and the 5th symphony are on my list to as many others...