The life style in my eyes
There are people in relationships I’ll call ‘weekenders’. These people go about their daily routine, day in and out and don’t give a thought about BDSM or kinky play except on the weekends. Whether it’s every weekend or not, the BDSM aspect of their lives is limited in scope to what they can do in a weekend’s time. The bulk of weekenders also tend to be long-distance relationships.
With even less exposure to BDSM elements are the kinky sex relationships. They differ from the Bedroom only folks only in that they may not engage in the role play, have defined roles at all, probably don’t have interest in a lot of toys and won’t go into a lot of learning ,exploration or training to do the more advanced play techniques. These relationships like to dabble in the kinky sex, the light bondage and sensation play and tend to keep it that way.
Next are the relationships I’ll call signal relationships. This is when the partners are only in their defined roles when the collar is on. It could be everyday, only when home from work, only on the weekends or whenever the mood strikes. This type of relationship i see as being more in-depth than weekenders because it could include behavior rules, routine or ritual more than weekend play sessions and also applies an easy break in reality (ie. real life) for those wanting to explore BDSM but aren’t sure they want to make the step into calling it a Lifestyle.
Next group, and the largest i perceive are the Lifestylers. This type of relationship strives to live in their natural roles as close to 24/7 as humanly possible. There are usually lists of rules and structure applied for all occasions and reasons. There is a lot of ritual and symbolism in this type of relationship. Real life is blended into these types of relationships sometimes so seamlessly that you wouldn’t be able to tell where ‘real life’ begins and D/s ends. D/s is their life. This is me .
This type of relationship is the one that Master and slave are developing. Master and slave to live fully in the lifestyle someday Master and slave continue to progress along our own paths along each other. i have rules and rituals i must follow daily. i have behaviors that are to be amplified and those that need to be limited or removed. All of this is to makeMaster and slave relationship exactly Master like it to be.
There are also Master and slave relationships.i know a lot about these, but know that generally the slave has no limits, no say in what is done, must be obedient (almost to a fault), and I feel tends to be a form of voluntary sexual slavery. This is were i am now . But i hope my Master takes this my hard limits under consideration .
slave and those who seek to be slaves, are constantly advisednot to be self-centered ant not to focus on our needs and desires but rather those of other. And this can be good advice when a would-be slave is so focused on fanstasisies of what a Master will look like, act like, and do to do the slave that i do not loses sight of what i will do my Master and help bring to the relationship. i am Master full-time sex toy/captive . slave needs to give 100% to Master are he will be terribly disappointing.my Master dose under stand that my kids do come first.
slave needs direction. slaves are people who are forced to obey Master orders, and i fantasize being forced. Being obedient is held to be the opposite of freedom, and the negative connotations of slave largely consist in this lack of freedom.There is no dought i want this . Obedicence is voluntary my (slave) lifeblood. to obey is not our cross but my joy! i only ask to be given the opportuntry,
Ideally, what i need as a slve - whether i am aware of wanting it are not ! is clear direction, firm goals, consistent rules, unambiguous orders. It takes a Master with great presence of mind, intelligence, self - control, and self- underdtanding to provide that kind of environment.
As a slave i do need discipline. This may sound funny but as a slave i fantasy of being punished , but i think it is the erotic charge of the metaphor for discipline, which is not the same as punishment, tome Discipline is controlled behavior; punishment is simply a means, and often not a very good one of achieving discipline. As a slave i need to obey , follow rules . i think every slave wants to be the perfect slave in some sense,and we need as much as we need air and water - someone to hold out that ideal before us and challenge us to live up to it, even knowing that i might never actually achieve it.
If it were easy to be a slave, if anyone could it, what would be the point? if there were no sacfifice involved,if it required nothing "abouve and beyond"ordinary life.
i think slavery is demanding, challenging vocation, or caling, and its challanges can not end once the slave enters into service with a Master. The Master must provide a continuallyas well as an environment in which my (slave ) discipline and dedication are continually honed. Master institute various rituals and protocols for their slave to follow.
A Master who dose not notice or care about infractions is on who is shirking in His dutytoward his slave. it is not necessary to punish, but it is necessary to take notice of the lapse and deal with it in some definite way. i need to feel my Master eyes on me continually, until if is internalized. if Master cannot or will not provide discipline. He has no business owning a slave.
i think difficulyies areise when Master or slave , confuse service with being used, The differance is subtle but i think critical. Perhaps it is the difference between "being used" and "being useful." Being used has a very negative connotation for most people, and i suspect that in cases where it has a strong erotic charge ,
A slave must be honest from the moment he begins communicating with a Domme. Never lie about relationships, experience level or anything else.
A slave will seek to understand want he wants and needs and to know the difference between the two.
A slave needs to realize some fantasies will never be more than just that. And that some of his fetishes may not strike a responsive chord within her.
A slave has a duty to act as an intelligent human being.
A slave repays a Domme’s attention with respect, humility and obedience. This is inherent in the nature of the relationship.
A slave always communicates his feelings as clearly as possible.
If the slave feels that his needs aren’t being met he will confess that respectfully without seeming to make demands.
A slave will watch to see if his Domme is tired or not feeling well and focus on her comfort, not on having a session.
A slave should never think of a Domme as a torture and humiliation machine. That is objectifying her.
A slave will remember that D/s is a relationship between people. He will strive to never forget that the Domme is a human being. That regardless of the power relationship thoughtless behavior on his part can inflict emotional hurt on the other person.Civility, honesty and honor sum it up.
We should always remember the Golden rules of BDSM
In the Lifestyle of BDSM, there is one thing that remains consistant: The Rule of Three (Safe, Sane, and Consensual). It is the guideline by which all things are done, from meeting, to negotiation, to play and quite often to a relationship itself. When things are Safe, Sane, and Consensual, the margin for error is drastically reduced, and all participants feel more at ease
