Nvrmore

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	About Nvrmore So this is like my tenth revision of this profile in what seems like five years. I started out as self-centered fethishist, graduated to a dutiful student of a renowned female supremacist, downgraded to a selfish flake, and everywhere in between the always lurking wanker. Now I want to explore truth. My inner truth. The real me that I even hide from myself. Just below the surface of my conscious it has always been there, but only as of late has my awareness come into focus. The insecure, nervous, and desperately seeking confidence me. Maybe, just maybe I can find a kindred spirit to guide me on this journey. Be forewarned, the last two years have wreaked havoc on me. A crash and burn divorce with no attempts at post martial reconciliation. A candle burned to the base of its stem topped off by a theft of one of two of my greatest treasures in this life. So now Im displaced trying to salvage a new life from the remnants of my hopes and dreams. Thats me, love it or leave it.

[]Disimulation[]

1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of her Godddes, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto her Godddes, which is your reasonable service.

2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of her Goddess.

3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as her Godddes hath commanded upon every man his proper service and devotion.

4 For as men we are created in bondage to her Goddess, and to those made in her image:

5 So we, being men, are of one purpose in service to her Goddess, and to all those made in her image.

6 Having then devoted ourselves to servitude in obedience to her Goddess and those created in her image, let us offer our full devotion and labors in without reserve.

7 Let us humble ourselves before her Goddess and those made in her image, offering up our pride and gratefully accepting the bondage of servitude.

8 Let us labor in service to her Goddess and those made in her image, denying idle inclinations and fanciful imaginings, reverently exalting her rightful authority.

9 Let our service and devotion be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is selfish; cleave to that which is sacrificial.

10 Be deeply affectioned to her Goddess and those created in her image; in honour preferring their pleasure to thine own.

11 Not slothful in service; fervent in spirit; serving her Goddess and those created in her image;

12 Rejoicing in her attentions; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer and devotion;

13 Committed to the necessity of humility; given to unquestioning obedience;

14 Bless her Goddess and those made in her image for discipline and punishment: bless, and curse not.

15 Rejoice in your service and rejoice in her blessings; and weep in your failures and weep in her disappointment.

16 Be of a humble mind to her Goddess and those created in her image; Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

17 Recompense to her Goddess and those made in her image no insubordination; Provide things honest in the sight of her Goddess and those created in her image.

18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, never fail in your service or humility.

19 Dearly beloved, pity not yourselves, but rather give yourself as an offering upon the altar of her Goddess and those created in her image.

20 Therefore if her Goddess and those created in her image command, obey; if they correct, acknowledge: for in so doing thou shalt reap the blessings of her Goddess and those created in her image.

21 Be not overcome with pride, but overcome pride with submission.

[]Day 29[] It's almost a month now since I stepped outside the cocoon of my own making in an attempt to actualize my submissive nature. A month now of ain from masturbation and pornography, replacing it with authentic and sincere service to the woman in my life. I can feel and see the changes in my life, my thoughts, and my inclinations. In that time I've written twenty heartfelt devotions to my Dharma wife praising her and confessing some of my deepest secrets. I've come to devote my every spare moment to enriching her life and relieving her of the lions share of our domestic duties. Often times I'm confronted by the mundane nature of selfless service, but persist comfortable in the knowledge that my efforts are appreciated and valued. I draw strength from the feeling of smallness that I have reduced myself to, knowing that it is my nature to serve, honor, and obey. I am rewarded by my Dharma wife with subtle clues and hints that she is growing into her new found role as the Princess of my life. Her query of whether royal servants need to be thanked for their efforts, her quick rephrasing of a request to a command, and her playful flirtation asking me if I am the one who needs my back porch painted red. At this point I'm committed to following through to an unknown, inevitable conclusion. I accept it with trepidation and simultaneous anticipation. I am cannot deny the fire that burns inside me and compels me to offer up myself in service and devotion. I attempted that feat of mental denial for two decades and found only strife and turmoil. Now at least I am peace and find a contentment and purpose that warms my heart. I cannot explain or decipher it, choosing instead to simply embrace it. I accept myself as a slave to the woman in my life and will faithfully execute the duties that enrich and bring pleasure to her life.

[]Day 23[] A milestone was reached today, in that I was able to relate her joy and pleasure with my service to the concept of female domination. My thoughts had gravitated to that feeling of smallness that accompanies thankless service. A feeling I have heard other slaves confess. I expressed this to my dharma love in my daily devotional, explaining that it came from the give and take dynamic of a femdom exchange. Then I mused how she liked my service and challenged her to associate the two outside her vanilla perspective. Not in those words exactly, but in the voice of her devoted lover. Later that evening I continued my frequent attendance of meals. Serving her a dinner plate and beverage. This has become a common task for me, along with the lions share of the cleaning, laundry, and never-ending maintenance of our resident little people. The same thankless service I devoted myself to which gave rise to my feeling of smallness. After dinner I attended to her feet, her on our couch, me on the floor. With loving and skilled hands I helped relax and soothe them. Later, as I tucked her into to bed, I asked if she was enjoying the royal treatment, to which she responded with a gleeful voice and flushed complexion, "I am." Later, as I shared her bed and attended to her physically, she reached out to my nipples as she often does. Most times it's without pressure or pain, but this time I asked/told her to "twist them." And she did, sparking that pain I reveled in. She didn't let go, even as I bucked in motion, and when her gr failed, her pincers quickly reattached. I am encouraged by these small details. I envision myself as one of those Olympic athletes polishing the ice in front of a puck, aiding her natural momentum. As a glacier creeps toward the sea, I will persist.

[]Progression[]

From my experience with a previous period of servitude, or enslavement, to a former Mistress, I am aware that slaves must never allowed to become complacent or comfortable in their training regime. Just as positive habit energies are established or comfort zones are expanded, the slave must be challenged yet again. Self-doubt and familiarity breed in this headspace and are counter productive to long-term service. With this in mind I have created this list of goals to achieve in honoring, obeying, and serving my wife:

*Surrender of Financial Independence: in the short term I will cease all minor luxury and convienance purchases. I will ask her permission for all major luxury and convienance purchases. My wife already maintains control of the majority of my income by mutual consensus. The remaining sum I use to pay select bills for my profession. I will advise her of these payments in advance.

*Physical Health and Appearance: I will resume a daily calesthenic regime similar to that from my days in the military. I will establish a routine of cardiovascular exercise three times per week. I will monitor and regulate my nutritional intake to restore my body to a more physically attractive appearance.

*Massages and Oral Service: I will educate myself on the techniques and practices of delivering exemplary massages and oral service. I will establish an environment where my wife no longer asks for these services, but rather simply directs or orders me.

[]TURMOIL[]
Twenty days in now. The buzz and initial excitement has worn off. I'm riding on pure commitment now, crashing against the waves of doubt and a selfish need for gratification. Last night I fell into a dark moment of pity, but muddled my way through it. What's that D.H. Lawrence quote? A bird will fall dead and frozen, without ever having felt sorry for itself? Anyways, wrestling with the need for external affirmation versus the sublime contentment of having dutifully served is quite a struggle. Even more so that I am my own keeper, attempting through my devoted service to nurture my dharma wife's dominant nature.

This weekend was quite productive in the way of performing domestic duties. Cleaning walls, baseboards, cabinet faces, in addition to last weekends chores. Idle hands are the devils playthings, so I keep busy trying to stay focused in assuming the role I sought. My daily devotions continue through the weekdays. Loving emails revealing my thoughts, feelings, and emotions to my dharma wife. Praising and uplifting her, laying myself bare. Ten, three to five paragraph emails, and only one in response. A very supportive and encouraging response, but an unbalanced equation that I struggle to reconcile.

All in all I have good reason to believe things are progressing well. I had recorded a short expose on VICE called Slutever. The episode focused on lifestyle slaves and my intention was to watch it with her and have a conversation after. Fate intervened and she watched in my absence. No conversation as of yet. Although an interesting moment of friskiness occurred today as I was scrubbing Cabinet faces. We keep a wooden yardstick for various purposes, and she swatted me with it in passing. And the day before I started to wear her Under Armour socks and she said, 'I'll whip you' in her southern way. I replied, 'I wish you would.,' which illicted a chuckle.

So I'm pleased with the trajectory we are on. Rome wasn't built in a day, and vanilla doesn't go kink overnight.

[]TWELVE DAYS IN[]

Twelve days in and my life has changed dramatically for the better. I now find myself living a more open, honest expression of my submissive nature than ever before. It has been an emotional struggle to conduct myself properly, without pretense or expection of reward, but the dividends have proved amazingly rewarding. My efforts have focused on building an emotional bond with my wife through domestic service, personal service, and daily devtionals.

Domestic Service
I began this portion of my service on a Saturday serving my wife breakfast, lunch, and dinner at her convienance. As I knew she hated doing the laundry, I assumed this duty as well. In between washing, drying, and folding, I cleaned our living room, dining room, and main bathroom. During the week I kept up the maintenance of these rooms and cleaned the master bathroom as well. Additionally, I cleared many tasks she had mentioned in the past, but I had allowed to go incomplete. I also attempt to identify other tasks in our lives that I can assume without prompting.

Personal Service
I perform foot rubs and back massages regularly, without prompting and have found by doing so, she will occasionally express a desire for such attention. I watched a video on performing foot rubs and found some of the techniques very helpful in performing them to her satisfaction. On my internal list of continuing education are revisiting techniques for foot rubs, back massages, and studying a book on oral service we purchased many years ago. Additionally, I demonstrate my affection with hugs and kisses often, finding the length and intensity of our embrace is increasing.

Daily Devotionals
Each day throughout the week I write her emails, like I did when we first met. I sing her praises in each one, emphasizing my adoration and admiration of her. I often declare my arousal at serving her through domestic duties and the positive effect her touch has upon me. I include memories and secrets from my past that have a bearing on my emotional and sexual development. I make a point to frequently state that I have no expectations regarding her response and that I draw pleasure and satisfaction from sharing my vulnerabilities with her.

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Nvrmore

About Nvrmore