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fourhoursplus
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tslvcynthiamarie
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ON HIATUS - I might be checking in, I might not.
Sorry kids, I've got issues to deal with - hope everyone has some great kinky fun.
MsIndigo
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Please bear with me, it might take me a while to reply as I work Grave shift and don't really have a lot of free time to reply to messages. On the other hand, if we have talked and I have replied several times and then didn't reply the last time, please do re-message me as you may have just fallen thru the cracks.. Please don't take it as a sign of disinterest. I am human, and once in a while, I make mistakes (Gasp, a top making a mistake, oh my). But I really do, so please feel free to bring it to my attention. Also if I have viewed your email and haven't answered right away, that does not mean I will not answer it just means I didn't have time to answer at that particular moment :).
Sorry kids, Mama's BUSY... Doing the best I can. Please be patient.
Thanks
MsIndigo |
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I am not interested in people offering me to "play for pay". Please male subs, get it through your thick little skulls, that offering me money to degrade you, beat you or play with you is not what I am looking for. I do what I want, and what I have negotiated for.
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Sorry to anyone who I haven't replied to in a while. Things are kind of busy around here. Got a new job (grave shift, UGH), and my best friend is getting married - as the "Wench of honor" I have been busier then a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Please bear with me, it might take me a little bit to get a reply. Thanks in advance :)
m SIN digo |
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It puzzles me - why have a tab called "newest local users" and have it be people from all over the country. This is local how? Silly CM, very silly.
Still looking to possibly setup my poly family. Ideally I would like two male or trans-gender submissives. My only issue with trans-gender is general (and this is very general) is the fact that so many of them seem to loathe their male genetalia. I would dearly love to find one that embraces him/herself as they are. For me, it's a total win to have someone with both breasts and a cock. I love breasts, but I'm not so interested in oral sex on a girl, so for me that would be everything I like. I also like manly men, big hairy bears, and slim androgynous types. Actually, what I really love is more of an energy and a meeting of the minds I guess that the physical part isn't really all that important to me.
I'm getting more and more interested in the idea of training someone, and not only training but really getting to know someone, to develop trust, respect and honesty. It seems like a lot of the subs that I have talked to recently really only want to talk about play and/or sex. Play and sex are nice, but what ever happened to getting to know and care about someone first?
Well it will happen when it happens, as it's meant to happen. In the meantime, I have a wonderful life, full of friends and I have my "Little girl" who I am protecting, but it's not the same as having one or two of my own. I long for that connection, mental, spiritual and sexual.
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Life sure is interesting. Now that I've come out on the topside, people I've met in my vanilla world I'm finding out are subs in the DS world. It's a really small world, lol. I'm considering taking on someone I already knew not as my sub, but s/he needs a protector quite badly.
And a local Domme I know is offering to teach me how to throw a whip, something I have wanted to do for a long time, but will not practice on others as I don't feel that I have the proper control. I never want to play with something that I don't feel confident of my control over. Admitting that I don't know how to do something I think is something that a Dom/Domme should be forthcoming with. In the meantime there is a Do it yourself Whip Popper class coming up in October at The Space, I'm looking forward to that class too.
It's been a very interesting few weeks. Lots and lots of really awesome people are messaging, I'm setting up some meetings for coffee and to get to know people and such. So far, so good.
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In my never ending journey of change and growth, I have decided to let my topside out to play for a while. I have gone back and forth between Sub and Top for a long time now. I've been "labeled" as a sub, a switch a domme. I think when you decide to not give a rats ass what someone else labels you, and live for what you want, then your real journey begins.
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Been a rough few days - without going into detail, it involved the death of a small child. So very sad. Has me contemplating the meaning of life, if there is a meaning to life that is. Mostly I'm just feeling bad for the parents. That has to be the most difficult thing to ever face.
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If your profile pic is scary enough to have to write "My profile pic is not scary" then you can be assured it is. I won't mention any names, but the dude rocks the Charles Manson vibe for sure, lol.
On a happier note - Did some service this week for a friend and it was wonderful. Helped relieve so much stress.
Of course, now I'm totally stressed out again, but for different reasons.
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Stolen from my friend Sparkly :) I liked what it said, so I put it on there
Most people in the lifestyle are generous, kind and caring. They are approachable and willing to be friends.
But as with all groups there are always some bad apples in the mix.
I am listed on here as a submissive. To me that is more a goal than
my function in life. And to me, that means I would be submissive to
those I choose to be submissive to. It is not an advertisement to walk
all over me. It is not consent to push me around. And on top of
that....those that I submit to do not walk all over me and push
around..so why do others think they can?
I also do not want people fooled that my submissive declaration means
that I respect or trust everyone who chose to put a Master, Dom or Lady
title next to their names.
The fact is, I try to respect everyone equally..until people do
something to loose that respect. I have a certain level of general
trust for people that varies depending on the relationship...not the
title.
And further, please do not think that submissive means I roll over and take whatever is dished out. This is not true.
In fact...cross one of my friends and you will unleash the worst, most dominant, angry Mother Bear you have ever met!
Let this be a warning..Do not mistake my kindness for weakness, Do
not mistake my "title" as permission.
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I Reiterate - Dom should not equal Douche. Yet sadly it so often does.
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Oh boy oh boy - what a day. Woke up with a summer cold, feeling a bit craptastic. Then I had a conversation with someone from here that was completly pointless. If you ask me a question, be sure I will answer it, don't think asking me questions like "have you been good" and "Do I excite you" is a really productive way to go with me. Interrogation scenes can be fun, but not online, not with someone I don't even know. I'd like a meaningful dialogue. And when I reject this person he says "no wonder you don't have a man" lol. Please people, get a new insult. My only reply to that is "why are YOU here then" same reason I am - not because you can't get a woman but because you can't get the right one. I am here for the same reason - to get the right one. Dom should not just automatically equal being a douche.
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Listening to Concrete Blonde - Man, I love them. Johnette's voice is amazing. I love it. |
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Wow, some people..
Guess what folks, I actually *Gasp* have a life. If you send me a one line messege, don't be shocked if you get a one line messege back. I had to laugh though, the guy sends me a one liner, then calls me rude for replying with the same. Then says "no pic, how rude, no wonder you are having a problem finding a man". Since there is a pic on my profile, silly me, I assumed that an email sent with no pic and no profile pic didn't deserve a picture in return. Gosh, thats so rude of me, lol.
And to rebut.. I have no problems finding "men" I have a problem finding the RIGHT man. Which obviously you are not. I like people who think before they knee jerk react thank you very much. Whew.. what a jerkface. Everyone here is either looking for someone or scamming so how does that make him any better then me... Grrrrr.. idiots get under my skin sometimes. *Deep Breath* |
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If your profile says you are a "natural" dominant, does that mean that all the other dominant's are Un-Natural? That would explain a few things *grins* |
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Oh my.. I"m getting some interesting emails here. Do people even read profiles?
No, you cannot fuck me up the ass, no, I will not hop on your boat for a first meeting, and no, you cannot call me a bitch in your email and expect me to be panting to answer you.
It's about respect people - mutual respect. The fastest way into my panties is thru my MIND. Please have one, I do and I expect you to have one as well.
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Love Song For A Vampire
Come into these arms again
and lay your body down
The rhythm of this trembling heart
is beating like a drum
It beats for you it bleeds for you
it knows not how it sounds
For it is the drum of drums
it is the song of songs
Once I had the rarest rose
that ever deemed to bloom
Cruel winter chilled the bud
and stole my flower too soon
Oh loneliness Oh hopelessness
to search the ends of time
For there is in all the world
no greater love than mine.
Love o love o ...still falls the rain Love o love o ...still falls the night
Love o love o .. damned forever
Let me be the only one
to keep you from the cold
Now the floor of heaven is laid
the stars are bright as gold
They shine for you they shine for you
they burn for all to see
Come into these arms again
and set this spirit free
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul
Saw this on a profile today and liked it.. liked it a lot :) |
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Wow.. have you ever met someone you had CRAZY HOT sexual chemistry with? The kind of chemistry that makes you want him to take you, right then and there no matter where you are? I've felt this a few times in my life, and I have to say every time I have acted on it, I've been sorry I did. Of course, that doesn't mean I won't act on it again, lol.
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I would like to quote the words of a very wise person here. The only thing worse then being alone.... is wishing you were.
All in all I have to say, it's def. for the best, I think I needed to learn a lesson and that lesson was don't settle for Mr. Right Now, keep looking for Mr. Right. |
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A lot of people on here think that people are rude because they don't bother to reply to them. No one seems to be exempt from this. Upon receiving an email from someone who I didn't think fit me, I took the time to write a considered reply, written in polite, well thought out terms. I asked several questions looking for further clarification of some of the points on their profile that made it seem like they would not be a good fit for me, but I was willing to have a conversation regarding these things. I also see my reply was read on June 22, at 7:30 in the morning, but was never replied to. This particular dominant made a big deal about respect, control and the giving over of that control. I have to wonder if a Dominant demands respect but will not return that respect, is he worthy?
Now I won't say I answer every single email I get here, but I try to answer the majority of them, even if it's to say "thanks, but I don't think we would be a good fit".
So you may ask yourself, if you are a dominant who complains that submissive on here are rude because they don't answer their emails, are you guilty of the same offense? If you can honestly say the answer is no, kudo's to you.
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I found it interesting that during my browsing on here I see a plethora of people declaiming how others on here are fakes. The reasoning behind that is they didn't answer emails sent to them, or they dissapeared after communications had started. I'll admit to having felt that way about some of these people as well, but upon further reflection, might it be that they found someone they were looking for and took themselves off? Or perhaps they got busy in real life, or even found someone in some other place, at a play party or at the grocery store.
I feel like people are so quick to judge and label what is real and what isn't. If someone doesn't answer you, does that mean they were fake, or could it possibly mean that they weren't into you, or didn't like something you had to say, so passed you by. Ok ya, it's rude, I personally try to answer everyone, unless the stuff I get is an obvious form letter. I do periodicly keep getting emails from one particular Dom, who I have told I am not interested in him, and he still emails me every few months like he has never ever talked to me before, lol.
As I get older, I like to think I get wiser. I am learning that people do things due to their own perceptions and very rarely if ever do they do things with a motive against someone. In other words... everyone has their own crap, don't take it personal, even if it feels like it is, it generally is not. Very few people are altruists out there.
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Swimming to the other side
This is actually a Pagan/folksong, but I think it applies to the lifestyle very well. I am totally obsessed with this song, I am always searching for answers.
Sung by Elaine Silver
Lyrics by Pat Humphries
We are living 'neath the great big dipper
We are washed by the very same rain
We are swimming in this stream together
Some in power and some in pain
We can worship this ground we walk on
Cherishing the beings that we live beside
Loving spirits will live forever
We're all swimming to the other side
I am alone and I am searching, hungering for answers in my time
I am balanced at the brink of wisdom
I'm impatient to receive a sign
I move forward with my senses open
Imperfection, it be my crime
In humility, I will listen
We're all swimming to the other side
On this journey through thoughts and feelings
Binding intuition, my head, my heart
I am gathering the tools together. I'm preparing to do my part
All of those who have come before me
Band together and be my guide
Loving lessons that I will follow,
We're all swimming to the other side
When we get there we'll discover
All of the gifts we've been given to share
Have been with us since life's beginning
And we never noticed they were there
We can balance at the brink of wisdom
Never recognizing that we've arrived
Loving spirits will live together
We're all swimming to the other side |
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Top Ten Ways You Know You Might Be Too Old For BDSM: (no it's not mine, I stole it from )
- Sensory deprivation is when your Dom hides your hearing aid batteries.
- Your nipple clamps have training wheels.
- Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker.
- When you tell your sub to get the cane, you have to specify "walking" or "beating".
- You can't tell the difference between your tattoos and your age spots.
- You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR!" for electrical play.
- Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your oxygen hose.
- Your idea of suspension is an UltraLift™ bra.
- You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me....back into the paddle....HARD!"
And the Number One way to tell you might be too old for BDSM:
- Age play really is 24/7.
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Someone just wrote me a very nasty email on here, saying I shouldn't post a pic, that I don't look good, etc, and how in my journal I DARE to give tips which I shouldn't do since I don't look good enough. (this is the same pic that I've gotten a whole lot of complments on, lol)Now rather then reply and give this jerkwad what he wanted, i.e. a direct conflict, I simply blocked him and decided to make a few comments here.
1. What does your perception of how I look matter in any way to me, or in my submission? Don't like me? Fine, not everyone does, I don't need that, want it or expect it. I'm a well enough adjusted person that if someone doesn't like the way I look it doesn't bother me, I just move on to someone who does. Or in other words... If you don't like me, thats your problem, not mine.
2. So accepting the premise that someone doesn't like the way I look, does that have anything whatsoever to do with what I think or say? Does that have anything to do with my life experiences? I reread my journal today, because I was puzzled.. I don't recall posting any "tips" so what is this guy talking about? I posted stuff relevant to me, Re posted stuff I had seen on other sites and just rambled and what not.
The only thing I saw that could be interpreted as "tips" is my post on "how to spot a false Dom", which was actually a humor post. Hmm seems like I struck a nerve. Now we get down to why someone would bother to actually take the time to send someone they aren't interested in a nasty email, rather then simply moving on like any normal and rational adult.
So, my conclusion.. he didn't like that posting, because he simply is a false dom or false person playing silly games online. Or maybe he didn't think it was funny, HA HA HA.
Rather pathetic really. Oh well, it takes all kinds I guess. It's sad that there are people in this world like that, and it's even sadder that they try to spread their poison to others. Hopefully this person will get some therapy or some mental help.
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Once you have gone the BDSM route, there is no going back, that a regular relationship is no longer satisfying. Oh it can be satisfying in a purely physical way, because it doesn't take rocket science to get someone off, but it's not satisfying on a mental level. You can't go back to vanilla, you will think about it, you will dream about it, you will never be totally satisfied without it.
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How can you tell a true dom from a poseur wannabe? Well I don't have all the answers, but here are a few tips.....
1. They want you to have a cam. They want it so much that if you don't have one, they get "annoyed"...
2. They want to play online, they demand you call them Sir and they demand you capitilize the S in Sir. They get mad when you refuse to be submissive to them, when you haven't even met them...
3. They want to play live, but all they really want is to have sex and get their rocks off. This type is easy to identify...
So far, I've met each of these types. I've also met some very cool people that aren't poseurs. Those people are the reason I'm still here. |
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Humor - something I have, and something some Doms clearly do not have. I'm not asking for too much I don't think. All I want is someone who is, smart, funny, good sense of humor and sexy. Gee thats not asking too much now is it?
Moving along...
My favorite holiday, Halloween. I love a holiday where even the adults can dress up, and become a kid again for one night. I bought a really pretty wench dress at the ren faire and am looking forward to wearing it and watching a few eyes bug out of a few heads.
Happy All Hallows Eve! |
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Oh ick... I really can't stand some people. I hate it even more when the person I can't stand is me. I upset a friend yesterday, and I just hate that. I have no problem standing up for myself, and I have no problem pissing someone off who richly deserves it, but I hate to unintentionally upset people.
So if he sees this, I'm sorry, I just got started on the rant and couldn't stop. If it makes it any better, it wasn't aimed at you, it was part of a longstanding conversation/arguement I've had with her for a long time, and you just happened to get caught in the middle. |
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There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead,
and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and
the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power:
the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power
to stand naked. |
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Saw this today on an email I got, I don't know who the author is, so I can't give him or her credit, but it wasn't me. Reading this resonated on several levels with me, especially the parts about being submissive not making you be less strong, capable or less responsible for yourself. So here it is, hope you enjoy it, sorry if I broke any copyright laws.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Mantra For Everyone
No matter how perfect a submissive I am, I cannot control everything
that might affect my dominant's mood, nor should I try to take
responsibility for them.
No matter how powerful a dominant I am, I cannot actually force my
submissive partner's behavior, nor can I be responsible for their
actions if they are doing what they willingly choose to do.
No matter how much I give back in service to the community, I cannot
hold myself emotionally or mentally responsible for a group's
well-being, nor should I continue to give back out of obligation when
giving diminishes my energy rather than enhances it.
No matter what level of respect or etiquette I observe in any group
that I attend, I am responsible for my own actions and ethics, and I
deserve to be treated the way that I treat others.
No matter how good a top I am, I should never feel like I can't talk
about my concerns or worries out of fear of being thought of as "less
than". A good top admits fault, learns from their mistakes, and
cultivates a sense of humility.
No matter how good a bottom I am, I cannot allow others to make
choices for me unless they negotiate that action, and I consent to it.
Being a bottom does not mean that I am not strong, intelligent, and
capable.
No matter how little I think I know about "this stuff", I have
something to teach other people around me. My life experience is
unique, and my perspective is valuable.
No matter how much I think I know about "this stuff", I can always
learn something new and potentially life changing, even from someone I
might least expect to learn it from.
No matter who I am, having a healthy self-esteem is one of the keys to
having a healthy relationship with anyone else, regardless of type
power exchange, number of relationships, or type of relationships. If
my self-esteem suffers, no amount of lovers or play partners will make
it better.
No matter what, I must remember that knowing where my responsibilities
end and others begin is the key to peace of mind.
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"My observations and experiences on Collarme make me wonder how many here have an interest in living D/s real-time rather than merely in fantasy"
This is a quote from someones profile that I viewed tonight. I have to say, I completly agree. |
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I don't get it, just what do people get out of lying on here? Don't they know that trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and doubly so in a BDSM relationship. I had a conversation with a Dom from here, on the phone quite a while ago, and it seemed to go ok, but the next day he wrote me that he had decided our personalities didn't mesh. I was ok with that, I wished him well and went on. Got an email from him today telling me that he was interested, and the reason he told me was not the truth, it was because he was in a relationship that has since ended. The way he worded the text was strange as well, he said he "didn't feel like explaining". So, I should be interested in this person? How do they expect this to work if they can't be honest about something so simple. I'm very glad I didn't waste any time on this person.
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He stands naked before her, an amused smile crosses her face as she inspects him. She throws him a pair of fishnet stockings "put these on" she commands. Blushing he complies. "You look like a slut" she says. "yes mistress" he replies. "Stand in the corner and think about what a naughty slut you are". He gets in the corner, wearing nothing but a pair of black fishnet stockings, while she sits on the couch and watches him. After a while she comes up behind him and pushes him further into the corner. She spanks his ass, a little harder then he likes he thinks, but he gets an immediate erection, which strains painfully against the tight stockings. She pushes him back into the corner and sits down. "Count to five, then down on the ground and crawl to me, like the pathetic worm that you are". He does as ordered. When he reaches her, she orders "DOWN" and pushes him down on the ground with her foot on his neck. He lies face down and she asks "Do you know why I am doing this to you"? "No Mistress" he replies. "Because I can slut".
"Stand up and turn facing me" she orders. He turns and sees her holding a pair of scissors. For one brief second he is afraid "Don't move" she orders as she cuts a circular hole in the stockings. She pulls his erection and his sac out through the hole. Pushing him she makes him turn around and cuts another hole in the stockings around his ass. Turning him around again she picks up the clothespins......
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Havent updated this in a while, big doings.. been crazy busy at work, doing doubles and not getting any days off, but thats all coming to an end soon, I'm out of a job on the 31st. It's all good though, collecting unemployment will give me some time to rest, regroup and decide what to do next. It will also give me time to work on some much neglected relationship with family and friends, not to mention cleaning my neglected house.
It will be nice to finally have some time off. |
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As my 46th birthday approaches, I find myself in a mood I can only term as "pensive". I've been thinking a lot about life, and love and all the things I do, all the things I have yet to do. Discussing faith and hope with friends made me come to a self realization that this outwardly cynical and sarcastic person that I am is a defense mechanism, put there to hide the fact that deep inside I am none of those things, and that I have been hurt before, but it just seems that every time I begin to lose hope, in whatever it is, faith or love or caring or people, something happens, some sign is given to me to not give up, to believe and to trust that things will come out alright. Ya, I know, scratch a cynic and get an optimist. I have always believed deep down inside, yet I am afraid to be seen as a believer, afraid to show that part of myself, afraid to ASK for the things I want. Phoenyx calls me a free spirit, and maybe I am. All I know is, you cannot chase after happieness, you are either a happy person or you are not. Things change all the time, and you have to go with the flow and not be mean to yourself. Give yourself a break and try to keep the faith that everything will work out in the end.
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Had a fabulous time last night up at the space. There were a huge number of people there, and everywhere you looked something interesting and fun was going on. Props to all the peeps that made the one year anniversary so special, old faces and new. I have to say, the bondage being tied up to my best friend was so much fun, and I've been in a great mood ever since then, and not my usual cranky self at all. I almost feel like I've done some athletic event and the endorphins have kicked in. Fun fun fun, hope my schedule lets me do that again, real soon. |
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I think I willl be attending masterroper's munch in Norwich this Friday. For anyone interested, view his profile for details |
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Ignorance can be rampant. I prefer to believe that most people are intelligent, thoughtful and sincere, but the few that are players, that don't bother to read profiles before messinging and are otherwise useless and annoying tend to overshadow the others.
Having said that....
I highly recommend that everyone here watch the movie The Secretary, starring Maggie Gylanhall (sp) and James Spader (Mrrrrowww he's yummy). Awesome spanking scene, I love watching her journey of self relazation |
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whoo hoo.. the internet is working today! I think my onboard network card is going bad. Get on once in a blue moon. But it's looking good for today. I'm going to take full advantge of it and geek out all night at work. |
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I've gotten a fair amount of flack for not having a pic on here. I think it's a personal choice myself. I do not try to hide being in the BDSM world and have been to many functions and munches. I'm a member of the Society, and yes, I went to the fetish flea (and enjoyed the hell out of it, I might add). HOWEVER... on the net you never know who's looking. Do I want my brother or my dad to someday stumble into this site and see me? Hell no! I am also in a public job, I don't really want people coming into my workplace and commenting "hey, didn't I see you on Collar me?". I've seen at least one person from my job here, and I didn't say a word to her, nor will I. If she wants to tell me, then thats cool, otherwise I'll keep that info to myself. I do however understand that having at least some kind of pic is a good idea, so I will be posting one as soon as I get a chance, but it won't be showing my face. |
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Another crazy busy day... I can't wait till my schedule opens up and I get some free time. I really want a life that isn't all work, work work. All work and no play, etc, etc, etc. On a good note, I'm out early today, going to a BBQ tonight with friends, ahhh a much needed evening of relaxation! |
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So... I gave my number to someone on here after exchanging several emails. He started calling me at 8:30 am on Sunday morning (WHY!!!!) and continuted to call throughout the day. I was asleep for the first one, and at work for the rest. I can understand one phone call, even two, but who calls a stranger at 8:30 on a sunday morning and then calls and calls and calls. Against my better judgement I called him back and the conversation that ensued was enough to make me not interested in further contact. Oh well, such is life.
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| Age: 46 |
| Kingston,
Pennsylvania |
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