mistresspharm

classy and sexy

i'd steer clear of sean (profile name: dopefairy) he's a nasty drunk; likes to impersonate you (because he's a comp geek that can override your passwords) hides your shit (especially your makeup and bdsm gear), beats women, and talks way too much (oh, btw, he cries over everything as well; i'm talking t.v. shows, commercials, songs, EVERYTHING).  i would say, never share anything personal with this guy.  he'll use it against you in future arguments.

i am not a bitter woman, but he likes to take advantage, and did i mention, he was a nasty drunk?  BEWARE!

moving sucks..and i am trying to own up to the mistakes i made this year.

happy birthday to me!  33 feels mighty good :)

so, i havent written in awhile, and i wanted to inform all my friends and associates, that i am done with all my class at school and this wednesday i turn 33.  woot woot for me and i hope that i am a year older and wiser as well. ;)

i would like to apologize to the people that may have thought i was messaging them last night... the guy that is currently living with me, sean, was drunk and angry, went into a jealous rage, and pretended to be me while i slept.  he wrote some very nasty messages posing as me to some unsuspecting people.  i am very sorry if anyone took those messages the wrong way but i understand that it looks really bad on my part.  just saying.

grrr...how do you change pictures without fucking your whole profile up? stupid!

final grade posting for RAD220: 678/680 (99.71%) WOO HOO! one more class to go..:)

so, i'm studying for my last radiology final EVER for tomorrow.. after that, just one more class and then say hello to the college graduate. :)  its been a long road to get to this point and what's to come after graduating is what i feel dreams are made of.... only time will tell.

stupid oregon ducks are sucking it against LSU....wtf? and why am i the only one watching football when numb nuts is blacked the fuck out?  i mean, seriously? how can someone sleep 12 hours out of the day?  (oh, i know, its called drinking smirnoff like water...)

i am going to the taste of colorado tomorrow..anyone want to meet up with me there?  i am going to be with my girl Gail and her friend... i sure could use the company....;)

so i have made some mistakes this year, and may have not always been good...but i dont deserve to be called a wannabe, ugly, pathetic, worthless, and stupid on a daily basis all because i allowed some guy to stay with me because he had nowhere else to go.. i mean, sheesh, i gave up my social life, my dominant friends wont talk to me, and i feel trapped all because financially i depend on this jerkoff.  all i got to tell myself is october 17, 2011 and then i will be gone from his sorry ass.  so much for manners and being polite. vanilla boy 2.0 sucks! :P

need a job; need a job; need a job superbad!  i'm about to have my excel; xfinity/wifi cut off because old man left me with a shit ton of debt...anyone out there in the community interested in a domestic maid (mostly vacuuming, dishes, dusting, laundry, that kind of thing?)..like pronto?  please let me know asap.  thank you.

what i appreciate the most out of a person?,,,, sarcasm, satire, and a self-deprecating sense of humor..  ;)

beautiful disaster...... :P

i am back and in black....;) no more douchebags!

i am sooo bored i could cry right now.... :( so much for a 3 day free weekend...wtf?

RAD114: 651/680 (95.74%)

RAD218: 635/680 (93.38%)

woo hoo! :) final grade posting...

who's the sub that got 2 A's in radiology this module (considering this subject is the biggest bitch i ever had to learn in my life)...and has 2 thumbs?.....this sub....;) 4.0 baby!

it feels soooo good to be soooo kinky... ;)

sparkle, shimmer, sexy, shine, glamourous, and beautiful.  words to describe me.

i swear punks and assholes are a dime a dozen on this site.

well folks, i'm happy to report that because i have such amazing parents that i'm going to be able to stay in my house for another month! and on top of that i got an 85% on my first radiology midterm today!  all and all, perhaps people shouldnt listen to my worry wart posts like the last couple i have had because things for me have a way of always working out and i couldnt be happier at this moment.  hooray! :)

i have this horrible feeling that bad shit is coming my way starting tomorrow... :(

i know i'm probably gonna come to regret this post, but i'm putting a request out there:  i need a roommate.  someone (doesnt matter if its a man or woman) that can pay $500 a month to stay in my house in englewood.  if i dont have the full payment by august 5th, i'm gonna have to be out and i dont have any other options.  please note if your a dominant man this agreement in no way implies ownership of me.  this is a roommate relationship; where i'm the landlord and your the tenant.  i expect any potential roommate to be drug, drama, and pet free.  i am a college student and need to be living with someone that has a reliable income (drug dealers need not apply), is responsible, intelligent, and it wouldnt hurt if they were kinky.  The room is available now.  Please, serious, local replies ONLY.  DO NOT bother messaging me if your outside the country and trying to relocate to the states. SOOOO not happening.

who of reasonable intelligence and attraction could come by tonight and tie me to my wooden horse and turn my ass a nice shade of rosy pink?  perhaps gain a bj from it as well.?  ;)  all i know is that i'm bored and naked.

welcome to collarme; the place where relationships are perfect; liars believe they are telling the truth and the world shows off that they're living a great life.  Where your enemies are the ones that visit your profile the most and then your friends block you.  Even though you write what your really thinking someone will always be there to take it the wrong way...

always striving for the next level of excellence.

i have dirty thoughts about being a ponygirl....

i sure love new gear.

so perhaps i should clarify on my last journal entry because of all the messages i have gotten.  rich (the old man) was my roommate and the home owner.  i rented a room from him in his house.  he was NOT my dad, master, lover, trainer, owner, dom, or any other odd relationship other people (on this site) might think.  he was a nice old man and i was just tripping out that he had died.  nothing more; nothing less.  our living arrange was platonic and i was never thinking that he would be gone and now i'm living by myself in his house.  i just need to adjust.  so can people just stop now with those questions because its rude and annoying.  thanks.

what a horrible week.  the visit with my sister was an epic failure.  we're just 2 totally different people.  on top of that, i found the old man dead this morning in his bedroom and had to deal with half of the city of engelwood.  i'm talking cops, an advocate, and the corner.  i'm in a complete state of shock.  i mean we were just talking last night and then today he's gone.  i truly feel sick to my stomach over his daughter and his grandchildren. I really wish there was something i could have done but the corner said it was natural causes and he went out quick.  RIP Rich, your were a good man.

eye on the prize....

T minus 6 days until kris arrives...! i want saturday to speed up and best be know i'm ahead on my schoolwork so i can slack all next week so i can spend every waking minute with her...i mean, people, its been 4 years! :) cannot wait.

really excited! i have a job opportunity with kaiser as a MA! old man hooked it up for me with a little help from his daughter who is a RN.  i cant believe she's sticking her neck out there for me even though we have never met.  there are some really good people out there that are willing to give me a chance and i'm incredibly grateful.  and to think this is happening even before i graduate; sooo flattered.  its been a good week ;)

got through my radiology final..(just barely.) gonna take advantage of my 4 day weekend! also i have a new addiction: its to Audi's... such sweet cars. :)

"My pessimistic lines; Your superstitious lives, and the modern age's lies won't absolve you....And the professorial truth; and the dear clairvoyant youth.. And of course the nightly news will deceive you. (Watch out!)"

One of my favorite punk bands Bad Religion's chorus from their song of the same name (Pessimistic Lines)...i feel it has much truth..

K :)

just a thought...if your owned or under consideration, then why the fuck do you have a profile?...i just dont get it.

i know the worst feeling in the world.. its disappointment.

so happy! my little sister, kris, is coming out here 4th of july weekend....!  watch out denver. ;)

i sure love Deception with Keith Berry.. his voice mesmerizes me.. (damn british accents...) on the Discovery channel!

hehe..i had a fun memorial day weekend..the 2 best parts where: 1. being handcuffed and hooded; thrown in the trunk of a mercedes after walking around south broadway in my skank dress and high heels and 2. seeing the hangover part 2; i recommend that movie.  funny as hell.

i figured out something funny just now; outta all of my friends on cm, i have met 15 people..(it should be more,  but some fools are too arrogant to acccept my friend request..or maybe they just flat out didnt like me..) who knows?

"your the only one who drove me crazy; because you know me inside out.."

britney    ;)

let me clarify one more time...if your over 55 and dont live in colorado; chances are i will not respond to your message and/or reject your friend request.  (please dont think of this as being a smartass or trying to top from the bottom)...

i just know i have a type..

i got a 98% on my final..(considering i didnt study or have any hand written notes...)  come see me...another final tomorrow...who wants to take me to Mon Chalet, come Friday?..

P.S. reasonably intelligent and rather good looking...charming; with his own ride.. i swear is that too much to ask for?

i moved to engelwood..i have my own bedroom in this fat house (yes, all my gear is back on the wall..) and the old man i live with seems really chill (completely platonic; he's retired and on disability.)  i am happy and it seems to me that the old vanilla chapter of my life is finally closed.  onward..and feeling quite liberated. :)

i know its loud as hell and it would be obvious to anyone with half a brain what i was doing if they passed by the bedroom, but i love the 7 speed Wand...my God, it's bliss..and soon i'm starting "Safe Word" by Molly Weatherfield.  i soooo cannot wait to see what's gonna happen to Carrie next...she was sold and is away from Jonathon..sooo gotta know what's next.......

indecision is the key to flexibility.....LOL :)

"your head is wired so that you see having no choice about anything as the ultimate freedom..."

Thank you Patrick (sadisticbastard).  i love your rendition of my pic! gold and red lips...so very HOT!  ;)

i just finished "carrie's story" by molly weatherfield.  its haunting and intriguing.  i highly recommend it.

You are the one i want; and what i want is sooo unreal....

jerry is the answer to all my questions. (and dick's picks......:)) i luv phill and bob

this is a warning to all subs/slaves in colorado:

if some fool dominant screen name historyprofessor from cali messages you and says that your a sub/slave posing as a man----he is after your personal information!  he snaked me the other night, and got my skype id and went around broadcasting it to people i dont even know.  PLEASE ladies---be careful! there's a lot of snakes in the grass and i embarressed to admit it, but even the smart ones (myself included) get duped sometimes.

on the advice of my friend, i decided to take down all my xxx pics.  i have an externship coming up for school soon, plus its nice to keep some mystery.  i'm also going to revamp my profile so i dont sound soo easy.  i shouldnt be showing all my cards from the get go and i have realized that now.

like britney said,,,only i distorted the words...."love me, hate me, say what you want about me...but all the boys and all the girls are beggin so if you seek kari"...(instead of amy....:P)..

Accelerator is some powerful shit.. i am induced by this man's voice.  it speaks volumes to me..where my heart races; my breaths deeper; and all i can think about is the trigger......

oh no...

i have a craving...

if you live outside of colorado and are older then 50, please dont bother reaching out to me...you will only be wasting your time as well as mine (if that matters; probably not).. real talk.

on s&m:

you can never smell how beautiful a rose is unless you get pricked by its thorn....

i'm gonna snap out.......how the fuck do i take a C in a class that i did everything in and aced the final in?  and if i get one more noise complaint in this dinky ass one bedroom apartment...i'm gonna lose it.  i need a job...PLEASE PLEASE if anyone in the community could help me...i have to get out of this living situation and find a job before i go crazy and wind up in jail!  i'm sooooo close to graduating and school is of the utmost importance to me...i just dont know what to do anymore and i'm at my wits end......:(

i'm really bummed out....big brother told me the other day he was going back to jersey...already quit his job...and then there is v-boy....he's a bonifide coke head.....i swear if he or his party posse wake me up one more time...i'm gonna flip out! 

come see me....:) another mod done...this much closer to graduating!! what can i say; aced my final and now i'm celebrating with my friends corona and gucci mane; nwa; jay z...:P

"i cheated myself; like i knew i would..i told you i was trouble..you know i'm no good..."

amy winehouse

"Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner."
---Lao Tzu

Thanks Gail :)

when did cm turn into a bad craiglist ad?....just asking.

i would like to thank the person who hacked into my YIM account and wiped out all of my contacts and then broadcasted my private conversations to everyone i know.  Also now i'm a man on this damn site posing as a submissive...i mean, seriously?? anyone who knows me knows that i'm NOT a dude and i find it irritating that 3 people messaged me today saying that i'm a guy.

i'm about to give up mistresspharm and oregongirl303 because this is bullshit.  i have never been a fake or a phony! what you see is truly what you get..

i sure like that new rihanna song S&M.....

"stick and stones may break my bones....but chains and whips excite me...."

white trash get down on your knees; it's time for cake and sodomy.....

Valentine's Day sucks!  Ba-humbug.......:P

my favorite Tori Amos song.....

God sometimes you just don't come through...;  God sometimes you just don't come through.... Do you need a woman to look after you? God sometimes you just don't come through..  You make pretty daisies pretty daisies; Love I gotta find what you're doing about things...Here a few witches burning; Gets a little toasty here..I gotta find why you always go when the wind blows..Tell me you're crazy maybe then I'll understand..

You got your 9 ironin the back seat..  Just in case; Heard you're gone south well..Babe you love your new 4 wheel?...I gotta find why you always go when the wind blows..Will you even tell her if you decide to make the sky fall?...Will you even tell her if you decide to make the sky?  God sometimes you just don't come through....God sometimes you just don't come through..Do you need a woman to look after you? God sometimes you just don't come through...Do you need a woman to look after you? God sometimes you just don't come through... 

"The truth has no agenda.."

Merry Christmas to all my friends and foes......

I want to be the best little sis/ daughter next year...

Get through school and prosper....

Live out all my dreams and fantasies....

I think with the holiday season here its time for a moment of honesty..

FOR ALL OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW:

--v boy is still part of the picture.  he's on a power trip right now because this stupid state gave him back unemployment for when he was in jail..  i will have to admit i do like my new speakers for my computer though.
---i think next year i'm gonna go vanilla day to day; but be this freaky little girl in the bedroom.  i dont really have an interest in being a slave anymore----the whole idea kinda freaks me out to be perfectly honest.  I mean caged and shackled?  i don't think so....  So, i'm going to go a different route and just explore taboo fantasies full time.  i have always been into daddy/daughter shit but my new thing is brother/sister taboo with this guy that is a year older than me.  i love it.  since i have never had a brother growing up, its kinda strange (i'm sure) to some; maybe even devious; but for some reason i find it incredibly erotic.  we bicker like brother/sister and then we fuck to make up for it.  i'm totally hooked to my big brother!
---the cutting shit hasnt stopped yet.  i did it last week after going 2 weeks without cutting.  it truly does make myself sick to do that but with no drugs in sight, not that i would do something crazy, (but i'm not going to lie and say that a zanax bar wouldnt be nice) its truly my only release.
---lastly, i want to apologize to all that i wronged this year.  i know that i'm a drunk bitch when i get to drinking chardonnay, and because of that i feel bad for some of the blunders i pulled this year.  i think next year i'm going to focus on graduating; finding a reputable job; and hopefully finding that someone who is amazing and not a total douchebag.  (i don't have the best track record).  to all my friends; i hope you all have a happy and safe holiday.

my favorite song from fiona apple... i love these lyrics :)

Darling, give me your absence tonight; take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white.   Let me sink in the scilence that echoes inside and don't bother leaving the light on, cause I suddenly feel like a different person.  From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion and I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion.  A vacancy that just did not belong.  The child is gone.  Honey help me out of this mess; I'm a stranger to myself.  But don't reach for me, I'm too far away, I don't wanna talk cause there's nothing left to say.  So my darling, give me your absence tonight take all of your sympathy and leave it outside cause there's no other loving that can make this all right I'm trying to find a place I belong.  And I suddenly feel like a different person.  From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion.  And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion.  As the darkness turns into the dawn. The child is gone. The child is gone.

So I had a converstion with my professor at school today..

She had noticed the self-inflicted scratches on my left arm and made me stay after class for a chat.

I was utterly shocked when she pulled up her long sleeved shirt and showed me the scars on her arm from cutting... I felt better when she told me that she understood why I would do such a thing; and that she hoped it wasnt because of her class.  I told her I was going through a lot in my life and that the reason why I was doing that (cutting myself) is because it was a release to me.  I couldn't believe it, when she actually told me she understood my issues, an that she was fully aware of sado-masocism.

My point is; you should never judge a book by its cover and that people (even ones you would never think for a moment would get you) really do....and that experience today, made me feel like everything will be OK, and I feel at peace.  If its all for a moment, at least I feel some kind of clarity right now, and the feeling is SOOO gratifying.  So thank you, Professor George!

who is she?

she is His girl

she aches to please Him

she yearns to serve Him

she longs to worship Him

she is His slut;

His babygirl..

His toy; His possession..

His love,

her body burns for Him

her heart beats for Him

she is His

who is He

the one that understands the responsibility of such a Gift..

So, today is offically the day i was born...

Happy 33 to me... :)

i went to class and now i'm having a bottle of yellow tail chardonnay (yum!) and later on me and my girlfriend, gail (from school) are going to old chicago for a bday martini!

good times! and the oregon trip went really well,,,i have a new perspective on family and the future.. i am eternally grateful for all the people i have in my life that really do care about little old me.  i know i may come off like a brat a lot but i know what i need to do now and what the prize is in the long term.

hopefully another year older and another year wiser ;)

i wish i had someone to give me 33 spankings today; but i also wish i still had my paddle.. i guess i'll just have to fantasize about that later on or something...

A song by Ween that i have been listening to lately...
i made it back safe to Oregon....

good times to all and happy birthday to me......;)

It's been a while since I've seen you smile.  But now you've come back again.  Came into the room and you saw my girl.  And you asked her how long it's been.   "A year" she said and you shook your head.  Said "I'm surprised it's gone on that long".  Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch.  For words I am at a loss.  Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch.  I'm better now please fuck off.   What else you gonna say when while you're back on your stay.  Maybe something, maybe nothing, we'll see.  It's just too bad, you're beautiful I guess.  I wasn't for you and you weren't for me.  Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch. 
Please slip back into yourself.  Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch.  Go conquer someone else.  People say, "How beautiful, how sweet, how kind".  You're perfect, you've got nothing to hide.  But I, for one, have seen the sun.  And the bitch that you've locked up inside.  Got fat, got angry, started hating myself. Wrote "Birthday Boy" for you babe.  Now I'm skinny and sick and paranoid.  Without a cent to my name.  Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch.  Fuck you, you stinkin' ass ho.  Most beauty I've seen.  you come from a dream.  But I can't close my eyes anymore.  No, I can't close my eyes anymore.