MissMannersPGH


MissMaleficent Female Dominant, 21, Metro West, Massachusetts	missmary52061 Female Submissive, 52, Huntington, West Virginia	MissMariah Female Dominant, 31, SF East Bay, California

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	About MissMannersPGH Not currently seeking a D/s relationship or encounters. Please read my journal for advice on how to deal with people in a BDSM context. There are some pearls there that I feel necessary to share, but will also write more specifically on topics if requested. If you have a particular area of concern that you need protocol advice about, please don't hesitate to ask. If I don't know the answer, I will consult those that may. My advice is meant for use in the real world communities of BDSM. Those of you who practice on-line only may have your own protocols and rituals in place, and so please do not take offense if my recommendations are counter to your own philosophy. I gather my information here by talking with people in the BDSM community and sharing opinions and observations with them. I do not have experience in the on-line world and do not presume to know what goes on in it. Also, take my advice with the grain of salt it was meant to be with. If your relationship is negotiated differently and those you love expect you to act a certain way, that certainly takes precedence over anything I could have to say.

I find the growing amount of porn on the Collar Me website to be a bit disconcerting. I am all in favor of porn, in the right context, but this is not the right context. Come on, CM people, this is a place where self-respecting people come to seek their life partners, and to learn valuable information about a lifestyle that is to be cherished. Seeing Suzie Bimbo giving a bj to Mo the Mountain Man kinda ruins the mood, sends the wrong message to new people trying to seek out the legitimate kink community. Can't you find better advertisers to make your buck from?

My New Year's resolution: to cut the word "guys" out of my vocabulary. Like most of us, this word has taken on so many meanings and purposes it's become meaningless. Guys, once meaning more than one guy, a guy being a person of male persuasion, now means any group of people of any gender. I use it all the time. It's the language I was taught growing up, and the slang that is so popular these days. "What are you guys doing for dinner?" "How are you guys doing tonight?". It sounds reasonable, even when talking to a whole room full of women. It is totally embarrassing, though, when it slips out to a group of TVs, transgender, or anyone with a desired sexual identity that does not translate to "guy". So, to avoid any future embarrassment, and to keep from insulting people I consider near and dear friends, "guys" will be deleted from my vocabulary. From now on you will all be "ladies" and "gentleman", whichever the case may be. And I'm expecting all of you guys to keep me honest about it.

Trunk releases are cheating...

Ended relationships: This one's even for you internet-only seekers. Don't talk about your recently failed relationship attempts, your break-ups, or your lack of confidence in meeting your perfect mate in your profile. No matter how down in the dumps you are feeling about yourself and the people you've met, putting that out in front as the first thing people are going to learn about you is not the way to go. Negativity only breeds negativity. And it seems to be an epidemic as the number of profiles on CM starting out as "well here I am again looking for ANOTHER sub because my last one doesn't call me anymore" is multiplying. Be positive. Talk about yourself and what you want. Relationship disclosure can come after you've met someone you are interested in getting to know better.

I've been asked about going to munches, workshops, and dungeons as a single person. Especially as a single female. This can be a scary prospect for anyone, but the BDSM community especially has a lot of shy/bashful/ socially uncomfortable people in it, and the idea of going somewhere alone for the first time where you don't know anybody and everyone is going to be gawking at you and trying to flirt with you can be very daunting. Don't be daunted. While I do encourage people not to make their first trip out into the scene a local dungeon (hit a few munches and workshops first before trying to hook up for play), there is absolutely nothing to fear by going to a munch or workshop solo. You may not come knowing anyone, but you will leave with lots of potential friends, and not all of them are just trying to pick you up...

Oral Sex: It doesn't matter what your gender, orientation, sexual preference, or dynamic, you need to be practiced and gifted at oral sex. As the great advice columnist Dan Savage declares, oral sex should come standard in every model, and if your model doesn't come equipped with it you should feel obliged and empowered to trade it in for a newer model. In the D/s community, submissives are expected to be good at oral sex. But I don't care how dominant you are, you should be just as good and giving of oral sex as you get. Think I'm wrong? Come on, even the best of submissives has a bad day from time to time, can get a little needy, and sometimes can have a bad attitude. There are very few bad days and bad attitudes that a blow job or a little cunnilingus won't cure. And he/she deserves it just as much as you do for putting up with all of your dominant crap all the time. Think oral sex can't be a dominant act? Then you aren't thinking creatively enough. Ask me, I'll give you pointers.

Getting invited to munches: There are a lot of people from the BDSM r/l community here on Collar Me, and other similar sites. We that get out like to encourage those of you who haven't gotten out to get out. It's a lot of fun going out and meeting people, going to munches, workshops, the occasional public play space, and the more you get out the more people you might meet, and that is when the fun begins.
We, of course, know that from experience and so try to encourage you internet-only lurkers to come out and join the fun. If someone invites you to a munch or workshop, though, don't assume it's a date, or even that person has any intention of spending time with you at said event. They are merely saying, here this is going on why don't you give it a try. Unless, of course, they specifically say, hey I really like you and want to take you on a date to said event.

Switches: There is a lot of controversy sometimes about switching, and a lot of people say, Oh I would never play with a switch, for some reason or another.
Switches, from my experience, are in many ways the funnest people to play with. Switches as bottoms are very self-assured about what they want and know how to ask for it. As tops they are devious and cruel and tend not to hold back as much because they know how good it ultimately feels.
I am proud to call myself a switch, and if you are a switch or on the fence, don't be shy and absolutely don't worry about what other people think or say. Those who say "I would never play with a switch" are probably not much fun to play with anyway.

Don't be shy. That's hard for me to say, because I am as shy as the rest of you. But if you are trying to be more sociable within a community, you just need to leave the shy behind. BDSM is a haven for people who are shy or socially inept, and most of us in the community have had to get over those sorts of feelings in order to survive. Saying "I don't know anybody so I don't want to go by myself" isn't an excuse. It's certainly understandable, but if you don't go you won't ever get to know anybody. Get out there and meet people.

There is no need for grovelling unless you are told to grovel. Until there is a dynamic negotiated, you and I have no reasonable expectation of treating each other as such. This goes for any 2 people interacting within the community. Don't send emails to people you don't or barely know indicating you are kneeling or subjugating yourself in any way. It's unattractive and impolite. Until a relationship is negotiated, treat me like your equal and I will do the same. If you are trying to get to know someone, you come off more interesting if you just talk on that equal level, instead of being the lo humble servant. There will be plenty of time for that once you've had time to get to know each other.

Chivalry.
Chivalry is not dead in this 21st Century, and it certainly does have it's place in the BDSM community. Sometimes it is sexist, but it is still societally expected so get over it.
A lady should always go through a doorway first. This doesn't matter if the lady is Dominant or submissive, regardless of dynamic a gentleman should hold the door for the lady and allow her to enter first.
Whenever possible, a gentleman should also open the car door for his lady.
The term "lady" and "gentleman" should be interpretted as how one portrays oneself.

Sending emails.

Sending mass amounts of form-letter emails is unacceptable. If you don't have the time to write an individualized email to someone you are interested in corresponding with, then you must not be interested enough. This is what you are telling the person on the other end of your email.

Either that or you are saying you are desperate enough to just be trying to catch ANYONE's attention. Don't be that person.

What I have to offer:
Many years experience in the lifestyle;
My BDSM interests are rope, canes, single tail, visual submission, public displays of D/s, knives (no cutting), fireplay/wax, and many others;
I do not do humiliation, CBT, or needles;
I am a loving/nurturing Dominant with the desire and ability to help you grow into a better human being, a stronger submissive, and to help you find your inner self;
I am a very visible figure in the local community with many friends (this is important to you because it gives you instant credibility if you have my approval, along with the advantage of being invited to various events and parties, and the thrill of being "shown off" at the heels of a beatiful and well-respected Mistress).

What I want in a submissive:

non-smoker!!
no drugs or heavy alcohol;
no diseases;
someone who knows how to spell and use good grammar;
a social liberal with political views similar to my own ;
a strong spiritually-minded person;
good sense of humor;
experience is not as important as attitude;
someone with a love of the outdoors who is not afraid of a little adventure outside of the BDSM realm as well;
should be over 25 (negotiable)
MUST be over 21;
Must be in the Pittsburgh/Cleveland area or reasonable commuting distance, I will not consider relocators;

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Mistress2u Female Dominant, 23, Altamonte springs, Florida	MistressKyley Female Dominant, 34, Highlands Ranch, Colorado	MistressC Female Dominant, 52, Rockland Co, New York	mistress247 Female Dominant, 28

MissMannersPGH

About MissMannersPGH