missiNout

Male Switch, 21

Female Submissive, 39, Troy, Missouri

Female Dominant, 44, Belleville

Well, i have to say that all new experience must be good experience. i thought i had found what i was looking for but things have a tendency to change with time, even if only a relatively short amount of it. The time now has come for me to take a little more active control of my own life and get myself to a place where i have something thats worthy of relinquishment. I have physical issues right now that preclude a lot of the activities that i love to indulge in, or be indulged in depending on your way of thinking. Since my personality is such that i seldomly settle for less than all it seems that i need to take a break from playing for a while until i can get back to an even keel health wise. Also the latest experience has left me a little bruised and battered emotionally and i'm finding the thought of intimacy or dependency or even submission a little alarming right now. What i would like however is to take advantage of the break in activities to delve into how others see and feel and approach this lifestyle, i am still firmly convinced that i wish to make this a way of life, just not for this exact moment in time. i am still really quite new to it all and my experiences have tended towards private sessions so i've yet to actually see or spend time with other submissives/slaves and this is a gap that i would like to full. i find that often times my reactions surprise the Ones i'm playing with as i react instinctively rather than from any basis of how i should react and more than once i've had a Dom crack up and inform me that i'm not actually supposed to be enjoying that. lol. now while that makes for amusing sessions it does leave me feeling more than a little confused. Also asking a Dom if something is supposed to tickle is apparently not an appropriate question nor is it appropriate to burst out with so "so thats how it feels,i'm not sure i like it" lol. So please if you would like to talk, meet, have a coffee, feel free to contact me as i would love more conversations about all and sundry and most expecially if you are Sub or switch (i'm really curious about switching as its not something that i can understand) or bi which is something else i'm not knowledgable on, though very very curious about. Hope that all explained things well and if not feel free to question or interagate me.

ok This is by way of if you havent figured it out by now..... Right at the minute i'm too needy and too full of issues to really even be here. I really enjoy talking about things but please realise if you contact me that really i'm just a waste of time (not to mention space) and that its Your choice.

Isn't life grand? Doesn't it delight in throwing you curve balls. The thing i find amazing is when you get through a rough patch; come out the other side of what you can only think of as a major screw up; Recover from feeling you had found all you ever wanted in life and watched it slip away because your a complete and utter idiot and let it: only to find a few months later that there was a design to it all, only to find that your sitting on top of an amazing, wonderful scary, lifechanging, life affirming and just down right freaky event, Knowing with hind-sight that if you had held on to what was perfect and wonderful and amazing and the answer to all your prayers then this event would never have happened....then..... you start wondering which course leads to Heaven and which to Hell. And its too late to choose.

A very sad day; Sir i miss You. my most treasured and wonderous Sir has gone bye-bye -so quickly (and all the way to another country to get away from me too) and the fates suck...though really given that they already seem to hate me i shouldnt be saying things like that to them in case i make them mad. This experience (shortlived or not) has added much to my submission and opened my eyes to alot about myself and the way i need to fit in to this life as well as the way BDSM fits into mine. i need to take stock here and rethink alot of my approaches to this. The sexual side of things has become important to me in recent months(read sexual to mean physical please) . Which is basically like trying to fit a round peg in a sqare hole. For me the sex is secondary and simply a means of control (a rather strong one) . For me play is play and not to be taken overly seriously. Its the things that go on outside of the bedroom and the mental and emtional aspect that are at the core for me. i think at this point the sex needs to take a back seat for a while and the play needs to cease. i need one Master. i need the right Master. Someone who understands the process where i don't. Someone with patience and tanacity to take what i am offering and turn it into something worth accepting. Someone to become my sun and moon. Someone to become my everything. Someone like Sir.  i don't belive for one minute that the fates will not smile upon me when i am good enough and ready enough to deserve thier benevalence. In the mean time, this time of waiting will be well spent delving deeper into my heart and learning my submission until it reverberates throughout my soul. until it shines from my heart. What a journey awaits. What a fulfilling destination.

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