MissExcell


MissEmeraldTx Female Dominant, 57, Ft Worth, Texas	Misset Female Switch, 53	MissErin Female Dominant, 20, Central&North IL, Illinois

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	About MissExcell This is an older profile I no longer use. I have found one common denominator here in CM. Most... NOT all, but most fakers and posers do not fill out their profiles. They have no interests, no thoughts on themselves or any extra information other then the required fields. This gives them more latitude to step into any shape or size shoes to take advantage of their marks. I'm not a 'mark'. I'll no longer be answering posts from people who don't fill out their profiles. It's a huge waste of my time, and insult to my intelligence. My life is still under-construction. MY DARK SIDE OF LIFE I've always have had a fascination with bondage since I was a little girl. I was always happy to be the robber who got tied up. I had my first bondage dream when I was 6 or 7.... Drempt I was tied to a teeter-totter. I found out a few years ago I was a baby girl. I'm NOT a pain slut. Apparently this NEEDS to be reiterated, as some believe either I have no idea what I mean, or they can change my mind. I'm not into getting a beating to make me feel better or have an awesome orgasm. Although, I have investigated this lifestyle I've not had the opportunity to play. Things just have not worked out that way... Partly due to my own insecurities. Most of those have been put to rest. My interests in BDSM are probably pretty low keyed compared to most here. I believe this mostly due to my inexperience. They are, but not limited to: Light bondage Blindfolds Cuffs Collars and leashes Corner time Spanking Suspension Oral sexing Light flogging I want to stress. I DON'T like wasting my time, and I WON'T waste yours. I believe in Honesty. I DON'T like mind games, unless they come in a box and sold by Parker Brothers. So saying that, if Honesty, Loyalty and Integrity are foreign to you Please do us both a favor and Don't contact me. MY VANILLA LIFE I live in a very rural community, so there are no local munches, no hot spots to visit to meet people with my types of interests. So my vanilla life pretty much rules in my life, and pretty much always has. I joined CM to learn more about the lifestyle and to meet others like me. I'm simple. I'm not into materialism. Some of my vanilla interests include, but are not limited to: Fishing Camping (NOT on the ground or COLD) Horse back riding Learning new cultures Quiet walks Volunteerism Card and board games I will be graduating from college in Spring 12! My major is Computer Crime Investigations. I'm a LEO.... and I know.... most Leos are very Dominant. Well, I am not. But don't get me wrong, I can be if the situations calls for it. Don't confuse my submission as weakness. That would be just as grave as confusing gentleness for weakness. I answered a post not long ago, and I liked how my words landed on the page. Sometimes you just have to wait for the right words to describe how you truly feel about a thing. For me, many times, it takes longer to put my thoughts together. When I read the words I decided I would add them here. For me, true surrender is being Strong and knowing who you are and what you are.... yet Submitting to the One who deserves that Treasure This treasure is also an amputee. I lost my left leg when I was 14 years old. This is mentioned in my journal.... but I do realize my journal is longish and some might have missed it or didn't get to it. I took down my picture, but will submit one upon request.

Well.... I promised I would add an entry about the BDSM event I went to last month. It's taken me a few weeks to get the post together, but Kamp Kink was great!...

For the most part the event was really nice. I got to experience a lot of new things, meet several new people.
I got there just before the picnic started.
After the picnic I helped pack some of the leftover food, then swept up the pavilion, so it could be used as the scening area. I walked around the camp for a bit. It was my first opportunity to do so. I found Dan sitting in one of my chairs I brought. He was watching/listening to several people around the communal camp fire.
There was a collaring ceremony right after the meal. The couple met at Kamp Kink a couple of years ago, so they thought it only appropriate to have the collaring there. I missed the first part as I was resting after sweeping the pavilion area. I made it in time to see her Master sitting in a large wooden chair. She was at his feet on her knees, and he placed the collar around her neck. I could not see her face, but I?m sure she was very happy. After wards there was a gauntlet. I was not sure what this was. Of course, I?ve heard of them before, but I?d never witnessed a BDSM gauntlet. Doms and subs alike lined up in a row. Each had their own personal paddle. The collared sub bent over as she received her whack, then she hopped to the next spanker who gave her another swat. Some of the swats were very hard, while others were medium to soft. One spanker got a soft boo for gently tapping her.
After wards, I took the time to notice the vender?s tents. Lots of toys, shirts and jewelry were sold. Many of them donated their wares as door prizes. I saw a few floggers. Some of them looked really nice while others didn?t. I could hear someone up at the scening area using a paddle on their sub. This went on for some time perhaps over 2 hours. I didn?t go up there to watch. I was not interested in it.
A Domme and her pony boy rode round the camp after dusk. It was my first time seeing one in person, and will have to admit the pair looked nice. She sat in her carriage while her sub, dressed only in a loincloth and sandals. With a bit in his mouth he pulled the carriage. He looked very sharp, and I could tell he was enjoying himself very much. I watched them for a time.
The bon fire was lit after dark. It was an awesome event. Several of the men, Doms and subs, carried several huge logs to the fire pit and sat them up in a circle at first. Then the next layer was coned in until a third layer topped it off. The fire took right off and I had no idea it was a tradition for the Coordinator to dance/walk over the top of it. I thought it was a bit nuts myself. He was a great host and coordinator, but in some part of my reasoning I don?t think he has all his nipple clamps. After several failed attempts to walk the fire someone ?slightly? doused the flames enough for him to perform his yearly ritual. The walk was called a success with only a few singed hairs on his legs.
I then went to watch the fire flogging. This was the main event I wanted to see. It was truly spectacular to me. The person being flogged undressed completely. Then they stood with their backs towards most of the spectators. The Fire Flogger used a flogger made of Kevlar. The same cloth bullet proof vests are made of. It does not melt. He dipped the flogger into a can of rubbing alcohol, then his sub squeezed the excess out. He then lit it over a small tin of camper?s fuel. As the Flogger flogged the participant the glowing blue flames gracefully sailed through the night. It was beautiful to watch. I was asked by several people if I wanted to try it. I declined, but I did very much enjoy watching the others. Men and women alike were flogged. Some said it tingled, while others said it burned slightly. None of them were in any way harmed by it.
The paddling had stopped at the pavilion where we had the sceening area, so I walked back up that way when the fire flogging was over. I seen a Domme with her sub on display. Her sub was on their knees with head down. I could not tell if the sub was male or female. It looked like the Domme might have been using an anal toy on her sub. The scene lasted for about an hour, maybe a little longer. There were several people there watching. When the scene was over the Domme walked her sub to one of the picnic tables. He looked very exhausted. I didn?t much care for how he was taken care of after wards. He looked like he was ready to drop over and pass out. His Domme covered him with a blanket, sat him at the table then left him. I just didn?t much care for it. I wondered if this was the same sub who was paddled for over an hour. I just didn?t care for how he was treated.
Next there was a female sub and her Dom. The sub stood in front of a St. Andrews Cross. She was not tied, latched or in anyway bond to it. She held onto it with her hands with her legs spread apart. She was topless while her Dom used a flogger on her back. They scened for about an hour also, but I can?t say I ever witnessed either of them enjoying any of it. I got the impression that when a sub liked being flogged they in some way show it in some affect. There was no erotic moaning, no enjoyment at all. It was confusing to me. Perhaps, it was a punishment.
The next couple was Domme in her mid to late 40s and her sub male was in his late 60s. I was very impressed with this couple, although I don?t believe I would ever be able to watch it again. He was strapped onto a table. His feet were secured at the corners with looped ties. His wrists were then bond with a rope, and the rope was connected to a hoist. The table reminded me of a rack of sorts. Another male Dom tightened the rope until the sub told him to stop. His Domme talked to him for several minutes. She made certain he was okay. She had a heart shaped fur lined paddle, which she rubbed over his sides then up and down his whole naked body. After wards, she took a suction type gun and attached small glass tubes over his nipples. I was surprised to see him get the start of an erection. A second Domme came up and while his Domme lightly tweeked the tubes, or rubbed him with the paddle and talked to him, the second Domme took his balls in her hands and literally squeezed them HARD. I found the nipple tubes quite intriguing, but the CBT was more then I could handle.
People walked around nude after dark. Many of the sub/slaves proudly displayed themselves. They were happy. All in all it was a great event.

Well..... the Summer is over and my classes start this week.

I'm taking a full boat- five classes. Four are regular classes and auditing one other.
I took the one class this Summer cramming 16 weeks into 8. I didn't believe I got what I needed out of the course, so I asked to retake it.

I'll still be checking in here on CM from time to time, but I won't be spending tons of time? here. Please be patient if you send me a mail and I don't get to it right away.

My semester ends in December.

I aught to be dining on frog legs!

My semester is over and I passed all my classes....

I got nearly all caught up with my mails here in CM....

One profile here gave me a laugh. I won't mention ID names..... but when I seen his 'caption line' I just laughed.

"Why is it that all women that have a kinky side are never good looking :("

It could be that the authour of that Great quote is at the ripe age of 20. Could be... Does he even know what he likes at that age... other then the normal male testosterone? induced cravings of a boy who probably? hasn't seen the sharper side of a razor more then half a dozen times? ...If that many.

How many other boys here are looking for the perfect Barbie's to sink their... um... torpedoes? into?

-trudges back out to the woodshed to dump another bucket of frogs.-

I feel like my days are running together. What did I? learn this semester?

NOT to take a full boat of classes during the Summer semester!

I'll be taking some much needed time off. My Mentor banned me from CM for a few weeks until I brought my grades back up.... but then I got roped into a volunteer job 2 weeks in a row during my finals... Plus had to find an extra sitter... house... bills....then to top it all off... I GOT ants!!!? My apartment was invaded by the little @#$#@#$%... and they are taking over everything.

Wow... I don't believe I'm putting this in my journal.... but I do believe it needs to be said.

I'm straight. I'm looking for my Straight Daddy Dom. If you're bisexual then please move on. I don't have the right equipment and I don't feel comfortable nor experienced enough to wear a strap-on.

Well....this is the my last weekend before going back to college. I wanted to let everyone know I will be checking in on my mails and will answer ALL of them, just please be patient with me. At the end of last semester I had dozens of mails I had to catch up with.

Everyone enjoy the rest of your summer.

To make things a little more clearer I will add this to my journal and soon will revise my profile.

I'm NOT a pain slut.
I can not express myself any more clearer then that.

I'm 47 and as far as I'm concerned I've lived through enough pain and suffering to have spared a dozen people the terrible experience.
People here who know me... Know exactly what I mean.

Once I said something to a group of friends. Friends I made later in life. There in the crowd was a retired police officer who knew me as a child.
The statement I made was:? "I was lucky I didn't grow up to eat my young."
Everyone thought I was kidding.. they laughed... which did not bother me. I learned long ago my perception of abuse is very different from others. They all laughed 'except' for the retired police officer. They all one by one stopped when they realized his serious expression. His statement stunned them. It was short and to the point.
"And she's not kidding."

I do understand that at times there is the fine line between pleasure and pain. If that involves welts, blood, scratches or bruises then we won't mix.

I have very recently found out I do like floggers.... BUT ONLY used with a gentle and soft hand. If a Daddy has to ask himself if he wonders if he has the ability to control his hand...Then we won't mix.? If a Daddy has the urge to make me scream to see how much I can take.... then We WON'T mix.

I'm NOT a pain slut

Period.

Well... I got one more week to my Summer vacation then it's back to my classes.... although I started my practicum early... I got the cream of the crop and working in *** *****'s law office for the next semester.... I had no idea how irritating estate descriptions were! OMG... and we have like a ton of them more to do....

I've visited my Dad's grave a couple of times... I wanted to put flowers out today but it was raining so badly I'm sure I heard a couple of poodles hit and get.....? so I will go out tomorrow. It's suppose to be clear then.

I went fishing with my grand daughter this weekend... Memorial Weekend!? It was great. The first time we toted all our stuff out the Moose Lodge's pond... and we get everything all set up... and I put sun screen on her.... lather her all up.... and hand her her pole. She looks at me like I've? just feel off the pumpkin truck, and wants to know why I won't bait her hook... I roll my eyes. She says she doesn't know how.... Fish are jumping .... I can SEE them... Geese are landing and swimming around like they own the place... SO I hurriedly BAIT her hook....? I hand her back the pole and she looks at me again... Again like I just feel off the pumpkin truck... and? says, "I can't throw it out... will you throw it out for me?"? I grind my teeth....

I caste out her line and hand her back her pole.... I see more geese.... so I bait my hook... and caste out my line.... SHE catches a fish!!!.... I get ROBBED cause I'm helping her to land her catch... We get the fish up and out of the water and it's a bluegill.... It nearly swallowed her hook. I took great care to get the hook out because we were doing the 'catch and release'

I set the little thing free and it swims off like it just got out of jail.... and I tell my grand daughter she needs to learn how to caste out her own line.... She tries... and flubs it all up... so.... me being me... I show her one more time.... I get it way out there and she's as happy as a lark... She catches another fish!..... She lands the fish... and this time the little #@@#$%# ATE her Whole hook... the hook was near as big as the fish.... no way I was getting t back so I open my tackle box looking for my clippers. I clip the line and let? set the bait free... and while I'm rehooking her line my bobber goes down.... it goes left... then it goes right...?? I'm trying to decide what to do.. drop everything in my lap and grab my line.... or finish the rehooking and rebait my own.... I jumble stuff... and somehow I messed up my open face and had Sting all over my lap.....
I Grit my teeth...
I look at my grand daughter who's totally oblivious to what is going on.... and I finish with her rehook and give her back her pole... then? work on mine....
I got it all put together right... and yes I got Robbed.... but later I caught a nice Bass..... I let him go.... and we went home....
Later that night I was sitting her... and trying to sooth my arms.... I got a sunburn... with all the activity I forgot to put my sunscreen on!

TODAY.... we go fishing again. We took a nice drive to Harrison State Park to drown a few worms... while my grand daughter goes swimming.... After an hour of swimming I made her get out to rest for a bit... she decides she wants to fish.... I take a DEEP DEEP breath... and bait her hook.... make sure she's got a good bobber and sinker on.... I even caste it out the first time for her.... I'd gotten ROBBED once then nothing... Did I mention she was swimming for an hour while I FISHED for that hour.... She catches a fish!....

-rolls her eyes-

Then she prances about the place showing off her trophy....I sent to back to the beach and told her to have fun or I was going to beat her.... "Yeah yeah yeah" she says as she? skipped off.

Well..... it's certainly been an interesting last month. It all started with a phone call AFTER I moved into a one bedroom apartment. I had looked over my finances and came to the conclusion that I would be living outside my means if I stayed in this two bedroom.? I'd been looking over this problem for months. The day finally came I decided to tell my landlords I would have to move to a smaller place. I needed the extra funds to put in my gas tank for college. Simple answer to a simple question... Although, my landlords came up with a simpler answer to my dilemma. They didn't want to lose me a tenet so they cut me a GREAT deal on a smaller apartment. Very Awesome!... They tell me to take my time and move in anytime during the month. It was Spring Break. I had a few days off with no classes. I'd made my decision and I was ready to follow through with the solution. So easy wouldn't you think?

I move in. Paid the movers to carry all my heavy stuff I can't. Paid to have my internet and phone changed. Somehow I forgot my tv cable. I was too busy packing and unpacking to watch tv. So there I am in my new, much smaller apartment. I gave several NICE things away cause WOW.... I had no room for them. I'm Not a pack rat. I have rules. If it don't fit anywhere then I don't need it. If it's not Holiday stuff and I only use it once a year, I don't need it. I give it away to either some one I know in case I need to use it... or I give it away to never see it again.
Well..... I gave it all away.

I get a phone cal a week laterl. My grand daughter who was in boarding school no longer wants to stay there. She wants to come home. She is demanding to come home. How an 8 year old can outsmart a entire adult community is a true crime to me. Apparently they were not equipped to deal with her. Perhaps she was better of coming back home.

Now you see my second problem. I NOW needed the two bedroom apartment back. I still had the keys.? So, I called the moving men back. Paid to have them move the very same things they'd moved before to the very same apartment I paid them to move me from in the first place. I have my internet and phone moved back. Only this time there were all kinds of problems with the internet and I lost it for almost a week seeing how it was so near the weekend.

My funds issue became more of an issue since I had to drive all the way to Chicago to retrieve my grand daughter and bring her back. I got all her things and even was able to tie her bike to the back rack on the trunk. Very awesome until her bike started to? Stand Up as I drive down I-80. I pulled over to try and tighten it down and a cop showed up. Luckily she had some plastic handcuffs. We used those to secure the bike, then tied the rope under the seat, opened the trunk and dropped the rope through the crack opening. Pulled the rope on down and out the end of the car trunk and shut the lid. Walla! We made it all the way home with no incidences.

I still had no internet and lost a few assignments on my online study classes. Called my IP provider and they said they would have it up and running before the day. They did. And that was the beginning of my third problem.

My college courses. I lost the first assignments then when I got my computer up and running it was so slow my pages were timing out. I called my IP back and they thought it was their servers. They'd had problems with them and they were working on them. Low and behold my connection got worse until I could no longer surf sites that I needed for my econ term paper. So I went to my local library, surfed there, printed out the pages I needed, came back home and started to dissect it all and put my paper to form.

I finally got tired of my connection timing out or failing altogether, so I decided to run a scan on lavasoft. Funny how I did that. It wouldn't run and I got this pop up from my Norton saying I had some low risk cookies that needed deleted. So I do the right thing, and I delete. I try to run a scan on my Norton, and it won't scan either. I get to looking and find that my Norton was shut down over a week before, and try as I might I couldn't get it back up. Couldn't get it to even update. I went back to the Lavasoft and this time when the pop up came up, and I clicked the delete cookies button my screen went BLACK. I mean total black. And when it came back up.... Everything.... I mean EVERYTHING including my screensaver had turned 90* to the right. You got it... My forth problem. My term paper was due in less then 2 weeks. I had no idea what was wrong. I tried to print what I did have on my econ paper by turning my head to the side and trying to click the mouse curser in the right? places. That was an impossible task. I finally got someone? professional here to look at it... and he made a phone call to another professional..... and between the two of them they got my screen turned back left 90*. I was told most likely I had a virus and needed to get it taken care of ASAP.

I only needed to keep my computer together for another two weeks. However, I still could not surf, but I could finish writing my paper and taking my online course..... until a few days later when my last submitted assignment was graded and found out my assignment never made it. It was BLANK. I still had it saved on my computer, but it didn't go through. That was my next problem.

My Mentor..... such a gentle soul.... he patiently talked me through the steps of reformatting my computer, but first I had to back up my files. No problem. I'd just bought CDs and I was ready..... Until I looked real good at the CDs, and found they were DVDs. That meant another trip to the store. I decided to stop and get them after my evening class that day. No problem. I got the CDs... got them home..... and I was actually able to set back and relax. Things were easing up finally. I deserved a break.

I talked with my Mentor.... he assured me this would work... although I'd never done it before... there was NO possible way I screw this up. I put my total faith in him, said I would talk with him in about an hour, closed my messenger, and clicked all the buttons for the 'System Recovery'.

It was sooooo easy.... and I'm sitting here not believing how EASY it was to restore my computer. And to think I was paying computer store workers $85- $115 for restores! What an absolute ripe off!
All the files go back on.... and I'm watching the clock. My Mentor is waiting for me to come back online....and when I do.... I Still Can NOT surf sites.
I've just now wiped my computer clean and I still couldn't do the things I needed to do. My Mentor then is totally stumped.... and he's a computer Guru. He asks all the important questions. Did you click this button?? Did you do this?... did you do that?... All my answers were yes.... Then I admitted that I had a choice between a Destructive Restore and a Normal one... Can't remember the name of that one.... but that was the one I did. Destructive just sounded .... TOO DESTRUCTIVE I told him. Come to find out THAT was my problem. I had to do it again. When it came up this time I was surfing like I just got it the first day..just like he said I would.

One problem fixed!
I relax some!

I do all my updates... reload all the disks I wanted including my Norton.... and low and behold my Norton does not work. I have no idea why. It should. I'd already called them before and pretty much told them they were thieves since they already knew what my problem was, and they could fix it with a live support team for a whopping $150.00.... I got them widdled down to $99.00, but was still not in the range I was willing to pay. I called them again... and still was not all that nice to them.? For some ODD reason I got the Live Support tech anyway.... and this time it was offered for FREE. Here they explain to me that the problem was.... Get this!? It's perfect. They came out with their 2010... and they cut my support off for my 2009 without notice. They gave me 30 extra days on my subscription. Free support to fix the problem...

Second problem fixed!
I get to relax more!

The next week I work on my homework like a little bee... Reading and typing.... reading and studying... reading and writing... I gave up my math class. I already flunked it... and there was no reason to study for it and put my other classes in jeopardy. So on I go. I get my paper done and hand it in.... So proud of myself.

I get another phone call.... well several actually....dozens of them.....My Dad had a seizure.... a Massive one this time..... and we'd not talked in almost 10 years. I skipped class and drove to the hospital... I was afraid I'd not make it there in time....

I got stopped doing 85. The police officer was very polite.... concerned..... and called the hospital to see if I was telling the truth, which I was. He handed me back my license and registration with a verbal warning to s l o w?? d o w n... and to never pass on the right again. I promised. I'm sure I would have gotten a ticket if I'd not had a squeaky clean record. No tickets and no accidents in my entire driving career.

I made it to the hospital in time.

I buried my Dad yesterday.

Long story short--- I'm going to be okay.

I might be a bit slow in answering my mails... I've had 3 major changes/problems crop up within the last 30 days... and have more to come.
Life stops for some people but the rest of have to keep on living.
I will answer ALL the mails I receive, and I know some of you already know what is going on.... Thank you for your kind words and patience.

excell

Well..... I finally got did. It took me long enough.

I went to a sheriff's auction last Spring.... as in last year 09, and bought a car. I loved the look of it. It's a Z24, RED two door coupe. It took me almost a year to get it fixed, then I had to? drive it to Findlay ( 50 miles away) to have it inspected. It past with flying colors and now I'm driving.?

I'm back in college,? and I responded to all the mail I received while I was gone. Sorry it took so long, but I stopped opening this site because I became discouraged looking for someone who is honest and looking for a REAL commitment. I got tired of all the 'Hey... check out my profile then we can chat...' yada yada yada. You know the type. "I'm the Master and I'm looking for a slave to train." Then you look through their profile and you see they've checked EACH type of interests. subs/slaves/ dominates/couples/ on and on.? I don't think they could train a dog to bark.

Anyway.... Thank you for the posts.... and all have a lovely Summer.

Sometimes you just have to love those people who know you best and can kick your @$$ into gear.... and get you going again.
This @#$##$%# car of mine.
You ever think you just might rather throw something away cause it's caused you so much grief?? Well, that's how I thought the other day. It's nickel and dimed my finances to pennies and dust motes. I Swear one of these days I'm going to open my wallet and moths are going to fly out.... Well.... needless to say it got me depressed, especially coming into this time of year. I should? be window and catalog shopping right now.... Well.. am window shopping for sure, but you know what I mean. I Didn't want to window shop cause it was my last resort.
Anyway....
My mentor kick my @$$ the other day... and got me thinking on the right things again.... Got me again focused on the big picture. AND he gave me an assignment. I've missed those.
I looked back over this last year and seen how much I accomplished and I had to smile. People just don't know me...nor can they many time understand me. I'm a wild card with no definitive value. Yes, I have value.... but... it's different... and I don't fit any set molds, so others can't anticipate my actions. Most of the time.... Unless you know me Real well.
Well... I'm again back on the fast track and heading back to college. I will be starting in January, and will be finishing up in Fall of 10.
Wow... I've worked hard for this for so very long. Jumped more high hurtles then I can count. Got rid of a dud, and cleaned out the high stress of my life that Everyone else was putting on me. That was a hard one. It's hard to say no to family and mean it when you love them.... but it is easier to do when they don't love back.
And before I graduate... I'll be driving that #@$%$## Car.? And IF the thing leaves me sitting on the side of the road some cold Winter night I will send out a beacon no one will be able to miss for miles around after I torch the thing. And.... It'll be insured. I'm sure some wild bandits will be on the road terrorizing the public.... I'll just have to make sure that whatever description I give..... it will never match anyone.

I've been having some really ODD dreams lately. Most are about dragons... big ones, small ones... even flying dragons and fire breathing dragons who like roasting people on splits with their breath then feasting on them.
I hate dreams like that.

But this morning I had a really Weird dream. I drempt I was working in a resturant, and there were several people there eating. Somewhere in the room a game of poker was started. I decided I wanted to play too, so I signed up. I was running back and forth from the kitchen to the dinning area when they started passing out the cards.
The game was 5 card stud. Very kool game. Everyone was to get their first 2 cards in their hands. Then their 2 cards came with their meal, turned up. I ordered 2 corny dogs with the works... onions, cheese and chili... very awesome. I had a pair of Aces in my hand. On my plate was a pair of Queens. I went back to the kitchen with my dogs.
When I came back everyone was sitting at a table on the far side of the room. All except for the dealer... who was dressed to the nines. He had the full garb of a very respectable poker dealer including the bands rounds his upper arms and a half hat. You know the ones... They have a strap that go round the back of the head because they have no top... More of a viser-type hat.
He had already past out the 5th and last card to everyone else, but he forgot me... which? would have annulled the game since I was not given my card in turn. I was skipped. Very BAD thing to do in a poker game. Instead, the dealer gave me the cards so I could deal to myself. I turned the cards over and picked the 3rd card. It was the Ace of Hearts.
I won the game with a Full House.

What a weird game and dream.

Several months ago I I bought what I call a 'Man Candle'. I bought it at one of those Home and Garden Parties.

The First time I smelt this candle I nearly fell into a trance. It's called Lavender Fields. I call it a Man Candle because it smells just like men's colonge. I told my sister that if I EVER walk into a department store and smell THAT smell.... I will go off in search of it, and hope he's not 4'10" and married.

I was so impressed and enamored with this scent that I bought a second candle. My neighbor lady came in the other day and she walked past the candles and she too stopped. I told her I knew where she could get one for herself... Then asked her, if I put? that candle along with my untried Toy Box under the bed.... shuffle in some dust from round the house.... and toss in a glass of water..... did she think My Perfect Man would come crawling out from under the bed?

She laughed at me....

So... here it is almost Halloween. The season has changed and the leaves are all turning. This Summer was one of the coldest I've ever experienced, and I'm believing this Winter will hold to the same path..... BUT it's still Cold out.
I'm setting here this afternoon, and someone rings my doorbell. I answer it, and it's one the workmen who are repairing my neighbor lady's furnace and vents. He's in his mid 30s and he's wearing a layering of heavy shirts and jean pants. He's standing there at my door and he asks, "You won't mind if we have to turn off the heat will you?"
I'm standing in my -yet- warm apartment, and I respond with a, "Yes I would mind."
He blinks at me like I've suddenly broke out in plaid bumps.
"Why would that bother you?", he asks.
"It's COLD." I respond, and for special effects I truly shiver... just thinking of my apartment going with no heat. I'm a LEO.. I LOVE my creature comforts... and believe it or NOT.... heat is one of them... SOFT, cozy bed and covers come in a close second.
He tells me the gas company will be here around 2 pm to make sure all the connections are safe, so the heat will only? be off for a couple of hours. AND, I'm thinking.... When is the Gas Company EVER on time?
Well... they got 30 minutes... and I BET they are late.

***********************************

The Gas Company finally got my gas turned on after 4:30..... wow.... can you imagine.... who would have guessed it wouldn't get turned back on until AFTER hours.... now they get to charge an after hours fee.

I've decided to put a bit of my past in my journal. Not that my life is boring... although I suppose you could say today it is.... but I just thought it would be nice to show some of the things that make me .... me.

I've mentioned before I was always the one ready to play 'Cops and Robbers'. Well..... That is pretty much true.... however.... there was this one time....

One of my favorite friends was Gail. His father was the Chief of Police in our little sleep town. Gail had this box FULL of cop stuff. Handcuffs, badges, ropes, pistols and spurs. And he was ALWAYS the only cop. Everyone else were robbers. At this time Gail was 10 and I was 8.
This one day.... the whole neighborhood was playing, and Gail had his hands full with ALL us robbers running amuck in the neighborhood. He had kids handcuffed all over his backyard.? Kids were cuffed to swing set bars, telephone poles, clothes line poles and small trees. He had just cuffed my oldest sister to the swing set when I came racing round the corner of the house. I rounded? that corner going full boar when I seen him. My feet came to a skidding halt over the grass, but they didn't stop. I skidded several feet. I know my eyes were huge blue saucers looking at him.... He was looking Right back at me... and very calmly he reached back to his back jeans pocket to pull out another set of cuffs. And his eyes went WIDE OPEN. His look was priceless. He had no more cuffs. And I laughed and screamed at the same time. It was just so priceless standing there looking at him. I caught him at his lowest point. Cop with no cuffs. THEN I did the unthinkable....I taunted him.
Then I got THAT look.
That look was.....I'd seen it before. It meant I went too far, and? I was going to pay to ultimate price. That look promised full retribution. It was scary as hell... and so very exillerating at the same time.? I screeched. Then I took off running across the back yard. Gail went in the other direction towards the front. He disappeared, and I headed for the huge willow tree.? I was laughing... trying to catch my breath... I was peeking round the tree watching for him spying through the long willowy strands.... then I would hide behind the tree again pressing my back against the rough bark. I looked several times, but still Gail had not re-entered the back yard.
I was finally getting my breath back when my sister yelled, "Here he comes. RUN!.... save yourself!"? I decided I would stay where I was. If I ran then I knew he would know where I was. This way I was certain Gail would walk right past me and I could then run towards the house. I held my breath. I waited. I listened. I heard nothing. I Wanted to look so badly, but knew I couldn't. I could feel my fingertips against the rough bark of the willow..... they were inching. I wanted to look, but I still didn't.
Suddenly, hard fingers clamped round my wrist. Gail yanked me from behind the tree towards him, and he slapped one of those cold cuffs round a wrist and hauled me across the backyard to the front of the house to the porch. The porch was JAIL. And he cuffed the other one to the step rail.? He laughed at me. Which made me mad. I tried to pull my hand out of the cuff, but it wasn't coming off. I yank it.... I done more harm to myself sitting there trying to get it off. I wanted to kick him for laughing at me. He just laughed more and took off to get the rest of his 'collars'. (such a weird word for this story...but very true)
Soon the porch was covered with bandits, again cuffed to railings and porch pillars. Gail was strutting back and forth declaring and demostrating his supieroity when mothers started calling kids in for dinner. Us bandits were thrilled. Gail was not.... but... he reliquished his power, and started uncuffing us. He left ME for last. Each time he walked past me he'd snear... or laugh.... or give me that smug look.
finally everyone was freed, except me. They? all had either jumped off the banisters or ran down the steps after being released, and skidaddled on home. Gail took his sweet time walking to me... reaching for my cuffed wrist, which by now was very sore cause I tried so hard to get it off so I could kick him. The cuff was bitting into my tender skin.... and my finger were actually starting to go numb. Gail looked a bit worried when his? keys didn't open those metal cuffs. He tried again... Switched keys.... again... nothing.
I started to cry. My wrist was hurting by this time... and he told me he would be right back. He went upstairs to his parents bedroom. He knew where his dad kept his spare key to his lockbox.... and that was where he got the extra cuffs. He never touched the gun... he just wanted the cuffs. He left to go see if there was a set of? keys up there in the box. He was very quiet when he went up the stairs. His mother was out in the kitchen... and he was not allowed in their room.
He came back down.... with no extra keys. My fingers were now turning blue..... and I was Bawling by this time. He told me how sorry he was.... and that he was going to get a butt beating.... but he had no choice but to call his dad.? Gail went back inside.... and a few minutes later? the Chief of Police parked his black and white with its bubble gum popper light on top in front of the house.
He got out? s l o w l? y.? He shook his head sadly at me as he walked up... then patted my head as went up the steps. He went inside.
I thought for sure I was going to hear all kinds of screaming and yelling. I thought for sure Gail would be screaming bloody murder. But it was much scarier then that. I Hear nothing. No footsteps even. Nothing.
The Chief finially came back out... WITH metal keys.... and unlocked the cuffs. He rubbed my wrist.... checked? it over.... smiled at me them sent me on home for dinner.

I didn't see Gail for 2 weeks.

I woke? up and couldn't go back to sleep... But since I'm awake I'll do this now instead of later like I planned.

I answered a post not long ago, and I liked how my words landed on the page. Sometimes you just have to wait for the right words to describe how you truly feel about a thing. For me, many times, it takes longer to put my thoughts together. When I read the words I decided I would add them here.

For me, true surrender is being Strong and knowing who you are and what you are.... yet Submitting to the One who deserves that Treasure

Sister and I went shopping this afternoon. When we first headed to the store the traffic was a little rough.... but on the way back it was horrible. The County Fair is in town, and this evening is the Demolition Derby. So here we are heading back into town on our 4 lane highway , and we start to pass several cars in the right side lane. Now this line of cars? is stretching almost all the way to the outskirts of town. We drive past them in the left lane and everything is kool. Up by the fair grounds these? are reduced to 3 lanes.
Now to the normal driver, one would know that if you want to get into the fair grounds you would want to be in the right lane... Right?? Of course.? That way all the through traffic can pass through on the left lane. But no...... Some drivers just can't be that brilliant. We end up in a traffic jam in a town of 12,000.... because someone didn't want to drive over the YELLOW painted spot that bottlenecked the 4 lanes to 3. (rolls her eyes)? So here we are... waiting... 2 Leos. I do not recommend this.
We Finally Get past the jam and drive up to the library. It's closed. We might have made it in time HAD we NOT gotten caught in the traffic jam.
We pull out of the library parking lot and sister decides to go down the alley instead of fighting her way back to? Main Street, which is kool.... And it reminded me of us when we were children....
I had this white bike. It had a book rack on the back and in the Summer, sister would ride on the back of my bike while I peddled. When we went uptown we would STOP traffic when we came to EVERY white cross walk line. We would STOP, get off the bike and walk it OVER the white lines. Then remount the bike and peddle on.
I don't know why driving through those allies reminded me of those Summer laughs..... but it was nice to remember them.
Sister and I have and always will be partners in crime.

Oh What a Happy DAY it is!!!

I finally get the phone call I've been waiting for. Life is so great... The weather is just wonderful... The Sun is shining.... The moon is glowing.... The birds today couldn't have sung a sweeter song if they? tried.

Today started out on a badish note.... I had to get up early.. Early EARLY to go to my doctor's appointment. I'm not an early person by any stretch of the word.? Good thing I asked my neighbor lady to pick me up some doughnuts last night... I had one left over so I ate it for breakfast.? On the way to the doctor's? I stopped at the local Circle K and got me an Irish Cream cappachino.? I *LOVE* Irish Cream cappachinos.?? I Feast in the van and make it to my doctor's just in time.... Everything turns out okay....? Other then got a brace on my right wrist. I have corpotunnel, and walking with crutches all the time is irritating my wrist..... but it's kool... no worries.... I make it back home.... dope myself? back up so I will be ready for my physical therapy. My ride didn't make it, so I called and left a message on her machine. I called again 15 minutes later... still no answer, so I call physical therapy and rescheduled.? So I take a nap.....
I GET the phone call!!!!
Sister says I have a ripe tomato!
I say, "Bring it over!"
"I will when I come into town." she replies.
I'm excited... FINALLY!!!? I run to my frig, open it up.
YES I have lettuce.
YES I have celery.
YES I have cucumber.
YES I have eggs.

I pout. I used the rest of my cheese and onions the other day..... but my salad will be Great with out them seeings as it will be topped with that Beef Steak Tomato.
I could hardly wait.... I paced... I watched out the window.... I? waited.... I wait 'almost' patiently.

FINALLY. Sister pulls up in the drive way and she gets out of her Rave 4. And she's carrying in this white plastic bag with my 'you know what?'
I'm just giddy with excitement. She opens the? door and carries my treasure inside and goes straight to the kitchen and opens my frig, takes it and deposits it? on the top shelf. I can hardly keep my composure, as she wants to chit chat. It would be rude to ignore her and pull everything out of the frig while she's trying to have a conversation with me. So I wait. She's had bad news the last few weeks.... and I do sincerely listen to her.
We talk for a few minutes, and she tells me, "I got to head back home... Enjoy your tomato." She throws over her shoulder as she steps out the screen door, and it closes behind her.
"Oh I will.... you can count on it." I yell back as I'm heading to the kitchen.
I'm pulling a pan out to boil eggs....? and think to myself. 'I should have done this while I was waiting!'
I pull out the cutting board, bowl, sharp knife... mentally I slap my hands together and rub them with glee.? I open the frig to get the eggs and I ...
STOP.?
Then I ask myself, "Is that really the same bag she brought?"? I do not see no? Big RED Beef Steak Tomato. I do however see a small Red... something. I open the bag......

Inside is a beautiful...perfect...? Deep RED cherry tomato.

(Slams her head on the desk)

I'm going to miss my neighbor lady when I move...

She's been doing my laundry since after my surgery.... which is really nice of her.

Anyway.... She brings over my things one load at a time, then I or we would fold while we talk.... This particular day we got it all done, then we sat for about an hour out side. (This was a few days ago when the weather was REALLY nice.)? We sat out there and watched the neighborhood.... talked about the chipmunk when it came scurrying round the corner. Neither of us had seen him all Spring, but here he is now. I told her, he must have had a slew of females he was visiting....
It was just a really nice afternoon sitting out in the sun... then I came back inside. She went home.
A few hours later she comes back, knocks on my door and I tell her, "Come on in."
She does, and she's got this weird smile on her face. "I dropped something earlier when I was doing your laundry."
"Oh.... what did you drop?", I asked.
"Dropped your butt floss."
I really do tilt my head to the side.... and I done it then... tilted it with this odd look on my face.
"Butt floss? What is butt floss?" I really was confused.
She pulls her hand from her pocket and dangles my skimpy, lacy white and light pink thong. "Your butt floss."
I laughed..... sure going to miss her when I move.

FRIED GREEN TOMATOES!!!!!!

-Dances-

It's about time. And they were 'GOOD'! I have? 3 left to probably last me the rest of the year.

Why only 3 do you ask?.... I'll tell you why I only have 3 more Green tomatoes for the rest of the year.

I'd been calling my sister all Summer asking about my Beef Steak Tomatoes.? I told her I couldn't wait to slice those 'big' babies up for Fried Green Tomatoes. She told me over and over how they still were not doing so well.... and neither were hers. Then I had my surgery and with these drugs I was on I couldn't keep a partial train of thought in my head, which was a good thing cause if I'd gotten my hands on a green tomato I probably wouldn't have been able to fry the thing well enough to eat. Probably would have burnt it to a crisp..... or forget the flour and dipped it in egg only... or vise versa... Might have even? started to fry it only to fall asleep in my chair at the stove.? So it was a good thing I'd forgotten about them....

But then the day came I DID remember... and on the phone I was again to my sister.? She tells me how her neighbor brought her that Huge bowl of green tomatoes and she thought of me with every bite.? Sister are like that sometimes..... especially older ones.

So the days go by, and I still have no green tomatoes.... and one day God looked down on me and took pity of my plight... and pumped a little axle grease into my sister's heart. And she Brought me SIX green tomatoes!!!! They were delicious... OMG.... I fried up three of them and will get the other three in a day or so... well... maybe only two. One of them is turning a little red, so I might save it for salad.

I asked her again about my plants. She tells me they still are not doing so well..... And I'm thinking... this is August. I know we didn't get the rain like we were suppose to.. and it was a little kooler then normal.... but #%$#%#$!!!... Those tomatoes plants should? be producing? something by now.? So I asked her about the zucchini. She tells me it dried up.

-BLINKS-

I asked her about the rhubbarb. Again, she tells me it dried up. I asked about the beans. Rabbits got those.... ate them to nubbins right down to the ground.

I asked her about the peppers.? They too dried up.....

What the? @$##@# happened to the garden?, I asked.

She tells me? she went out to? reset her spicket for the sprinkler system and she found? 'BABY BUNNIES' in the garden. Here there were several and she could see them down in the burrows. So she decided to wait and see if the mother? rabbits would move them. And I'm thinking.... Why would they move them if they were living? in the perfect neighborhood?? And I was right....? the mothers never moved... and? sister didn't want to drown the baby bunnies.? So what they didn't eat to nubbins down to the ground dried up over the Summer.

You might ask WHY didn't the rabbits eat the tomatoe plants????? Easy.... the tomatoe plants got last year were? eatten to nubbins TWICE, so we? took the bottoms out of several 5 gallon buckets and put those over the plants. The rabbits couldn't get to them... but then they didn't get enough water... so the rabbits are still to blame.? Myself... I would have been? sifting through rabbit stew recipes after 6 weeks.

I planted this garden out to my sister's house... out in the country.... outside of town... way over thata way...
MAN....
I bought these really nice Beef Steak tomato plants. But I wasn't thinking of juicy, RED tomatoes when I bought them. I was thinking of huge sliced Fried Green Tomatoes.?
I could fry them all day long and live off nothing else for the day....
Yeah... well we got them planted... then the rains didn't come until about a month later.... so my dear Beef Steaks are still peasley little things.
I've not been out to the garden for weeks since before my surgery... and I kept calling my sister asking about those tomatoes.
The rains finally came a week or so ago, and I'm still calling her asking about them. They are STILL green, but they arn't growing like they should be. Then she calls me the other day and tells me how one of her neighbor friends brought over a BIG bowl of Green Tomatoes. And what did my dear sister do. You got it!... She fried them up... then told me she thought of me with every bite!.... I could not believe she did that....?
I mumbled and ranted for the rest of the day. It's a good thing I live alone.
So I'm feeling rather Good? today and I get back from my physical therapy and my neighbor lady and I decide we will go do a 'little' grocery shopping, and before coming back we will go out to sister's and pick some green tomatoes. I call her to let her know we will be out there. I don't want any of her neighbors calling the police or worse yet... coming to investigate with a 12 gauge.? She tells me, "We'll be home for a few minutes. Your tomatoes are still on the wimpy side, so I'll just give you a few of these really nice green tomatoes I got from my neighbor."
I'm thinking I Have Scored! Hoo WHA!!
We go out to my neighbor lady's car and we get in... and she turns the key..... and her car won't start.
She had some guy? working on it the other day.. and he was suppose to change the fuel filter.... what does he do????? He changed the plugs.
I call my sister back to let her know I will not be making it out there today.....? She tells me they already left the house and she put MY tomatoes on her picnic table.... GREAT.... She's only got like? 100 rabbits and ground hogs out there.... They'll be Feasting on my tomatoes!
-sighs-

Is it the drugs... or is it just me?

My poor neighbor lady.

I'm sitting in my apartment... alone.... trying to keep myself occupied while I recover from my surgery. I've colored myself out...? tired of watching CDs... If I try to read I either fall asleep or? end up re-reading the same paragraph over and over cause I can't remember it what I just read... but here I am... looking for things to occupy me.. and I hear this? faint 'beep beep beep'.? I automatically look at my smoke alarm, but I already know that was not it.? The smoke alarm is LOUD and beside, I just changed the battery 2 months ago. I look at my carbon dioxide alarm. I've never heard that go off so it very could be it.? So here I am in my front room sitting near the alarm by my secretary desk... waiting for the 'beep beep beep'.... and when it comes I realize it's not the C/D alarm, but I still have no idea what it is.
So I pick up my phone and I call my? neighbor lady and explain to her what's going on and she and a friend? come over to help me.?
My neighbor lady takes one look at me and decides it might be best if she? listened to the C/D alarm herself to make sure that's not it. So she lays on her belly on the floor right next to the thing. And all three of us are talking.... gabbing... and 'beep beep beep'.? My neighbor lady's head swivils towards me and she says, "Nope... it's not our Carbon Dioxcide alarm. It sounds like it came from the bathroom. Do you have another one in the closet with the furnace?"
It never accured to me to look in the furnace closet for another C/D alarm,and I told her I had no idea. So she heads that way.? By this time I am out in the kitchen and she's heading into the bathroom when her friend started to walk towards me. She gets in front of? my screen door and her hands fly up to her chest and she screams! I SEE her horrified look? and I SCREAM!? My neighbor lady is just starting to open the closet door in the bathroom when she hears us 2, and she SCREAMS! Then she runs out of the bathroom towards us to find out what is wrong.
Here the neighbor lady's youngest son had walked up to the? front screened door and her friend seen him.... which scared her....? forgot to mention it was like midnight... So we are all laughing over this when we hear the 'beep beep beep'.
I was sitting next to my walker and here it was my cell phone in the carry on bag. someone had left me a message. Beep beep beep'

wow

I do not understand....

I am again alone... abandoned. What did I do wrong?

I just got home from the hospital after major surgery with complications.... he never called.... never even left an offline.... and when I needed him most he was nowhere to be found.... I honestly do not understand.

I didn't mean to do it....but I gave my Daddy Sir a headache last night.

It ALL started with that battery in my car. My battery does not start my car and I remembered years ago people used to put aspirins inside their batteries when they got too low. Well I did try to pry the top off the battery, but they don't make them that way anymore.
I AM NO LONGER ALLOWED to play with batteries.

Didn't I mention my neighbor lady telling me, "Lefty losey... righty tighty" ....?? When is Lefty losey ... righty tighty NOT Lefty Losey right Tighty???

I'll? tell YOU when Lefty Losey Right Tighty IS NOT Lefty Losey Righty Tighty.? When you are taking OUT a side mounted? car battery.

Here I am. I've been so Proud of myself working on my car. Got it all cleaned up. It no longer looks like a circus lived in it. Got it all shined up. And as you remember, I DID get into my trunk and I WAS the ONE who found the trap door? in the seat.?? Well... I go out the other day intending on taking out this one 'Little' O' battery. OMG.... no one told me how HEAVY they were.
anyway...
My Great Uncle was the one who told me about the little screw that 'looked' like a tiny rod. I wouldn't have known it was a screw if he'd not told me.... Sir tells me later that night to make sure when I take it out that I DON'T touch the frame of the car with the wrench while I'm taking off the Positive terminal. "This is not that difficult", I say to myself.? I go out there the next day carrying my cardboard box of tools.
I got near the same looks from the neighbors as I did the day I moved to this apartment. I moved from across the street. I couldn't see paying someone to move the things I Could move.... so I borrowed a neighbor's little red wagon and I loaded it up and wheeled it back and forth across the street. I was later told I looked like I was running away from home.? -rolls her eyes-
anyway....
Here I am with my cardboard box of tools and I take out my trusty crescent wrench. This is a? very valuable tool as? I don't need all those other wrenches. This one can be used for them ALL. The only down side is the screw inside. You Always have to keep your thumb on it cause it doesn't? lock. Someone should work on that..... -hint hint hint-
Well here I am with my wrench and I'm looking down at the battery silently resiting my neighbor's ditty as my personal mantra....."Lefty Losey Righty Tighty".? Sir told me to make Sure I take the Positive off First, so I spend at least 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get my? hands in there!... The battery is like wedged in one corner with Everything squished up against it leaving me a Whole 2" of finger room. And I'm Suppose to Keep my thumb on the screw of the wrench? Yeah.... O Kay.
I finally take the top off the air filter, which gives me a bit more space and I tilt the battery just so and FINALLY? hook the wrench on the screw and I turn it LEFT. I notice this nasty, black screw is Silver underneath, but the screw is Just as stubborn as I am. It does not move, so I keep trying. It was not long before that screw now looks Nothing like a screw after I flattened it.
Dana DAH stumbles by? and wants to know what I'm doing... and I explain to him.
Might I also mention Dana DAH drinks more? liquor then the Whole Rat Pack put together, and he could pickle Dean Martin with gentle ease.
'Inhale'.....'exhale'.... Pickled.
Dana DAH takes one look at my battery and asks for the wrench. I hand it over to him. He proceeds to tell me how I've Striped my screw and that I was going the Wrong way.
I Assure him I went Lefty Losey Righty Tighty.? He looks at me, blinks.? I could almost swear he had a moment of sobreity.."Yeah.... but you're facing the battery not sitting in the driver's seat."
My first thought after hearing THAT logic was... Who would NOT be Facing the battery when working on it?
My second thought... The car manufacturers Knew this and I Just got taken for the cost of a screw. It was a fleeting thought until? a few days later when I looked up the cost of That screw!? $19.00.
Anyway....
Dana DAH said I needed Vice Scripts.? I've seen these before.... Pliers with a spring. Kool.
My brother in law is the perfect example of the toolery dude and I know he has most anything I need. And sure enough he has? vise scripts, which I found out later are Vice Grips.
Sir explains? that Vice Scripts would be more like BDSM stories. I still like the idea of Vice Scripts though.
Anywayy..... My brother in law makes it over with the vice grips and he's totally like, "How the hell did you do all that?" I assured him it was easy for me, and he agreed.
He got the screw out and it will need to be replaced, and he got the battery out, took it home and hooked it up to his battery charger.
He calls me later to tell me he's seen more life in a graveyear since my battery is only charging a 5 when it is suppose to be doing a 12.
I'm sending my car off to one of those auto schools and Sir says I should just let them replace the screw, put in the battery while they are looking for the short.
He wasn't too thrilled about using a tow strap for 15 miles either.... so I'll have to call about a tow bar.

It's strange. I know some people can't help being who they are... And sometimes that's just plain sad.

I have my own personal Code of Honor I live by... and I Don't expect others to live by it.... It was taught to me, and I simply don't have the patience to be teacher to teach it to anyone else. You either have the fiber to work with or you don't.

I've mentioned this before. I Never waste my time, and I will NEVER waste anyone elses. So saying, if you deny to know me... Then I have no problem reciprocating. I have no secrets to hide, and I don't waste my time on others who live by them.

I don't have a Daddy yet, but the prospects are in the making as I've been talking to a Daddy Dom who might Very well be my Daddy. Time will tell.

We've not yet met and won't meet until around Thanksgiving. He's 6'4" and I'm 5'5". One day I ran to the wall, threw my back against it and marked my height with a pencil, turned round then slapped my sewing tape against the frame and added 13" to it. Looking up at that mark way up near the top of the door frame made me sigh.

To me there is a certain,? unwavering feeling of awe. I want to be in his shadow. I do hope he is the One... It won't matter if I'm on my knees, walking next to him or sitting beside him, I will always have to look up to him. There is just an extra benefit to having to look up at the man who inspires me to be the best me I can be.

I hear he has these huge feet... Can't wait to pull his shoes off his feet and slip them on and walk round the house.? There is just something about walking in your Daddy's shoes.

AND he's intelligent!.... How sexy is that?

-Struts around showing off her Big little girl Badge-

I've had a lot of changes taking place lately. Sometimes I believe part of it could have been avoided.

I spoke with the Daddy Dom who abandoned me.... and in truth as I look back he sort of did abandon me and sort of did not. I still believe it was cruel. He explained to me when me met online so many years ago, he knew I had several emotional issues. And he was right. He wanted to help me with them but he did lie to me. There was no intention of ever meeting. Only that I would gain some self-esteem and work out my emotional traumas. It took many years. Almost 6 in fact. And when I gained all those skills I needed to lead my own life..... he then stepped away. Although, he did stay in contact with me.

The morning he came online and told me he'd made a mistake and told me to move on with my life..... I nearly lost my mind and what skills I had developed shredded before my eyes. They were more then shredded... they were ripped from my very soul. I was devastated. Everything he had so carefully built was demolished in that one post.

I was very lucky Master Sean was there to catch me when I fell. I don't know how many months he called me nearly nightly and talked to me on the phone until I fell asleep. I would wake up and I would hear him snoring on the other end of the phone. He made me talk about how I felt.... He brought back balance into my life. And little by little he weaned me off himself and allowed me to learn to stand on my own two feet. It was a beautiful experience in retrospect. I can't say I enjoyed the whole of it. I didn't enjoy the pain and mental suffering.

I didn't know how I was going to get my heart back... and I told JC (Daddy Dom) that he would always have my Scepter and Crown. I did after a while wonder how I was going to get that back too. I've finally realized it doesn't matter. That set was created specifically for JC and it's useless to anyone else. When I meet my REAL Daddy Dom I will forge another set, and it will be exclusively His.

My Heart is Mine. He could not hold it, and it slipped from his fingers. All that is left now are bittersweet memories. Funny how that happened after time.

I asked Master Sean for my release weeks ago, and he told? me he would think about it.... but then never brought it up again. I've waited patiently all this time. Waiting for him to bring it up and tell me his answer, until the other morning I realized I didn't need his permission to release him. Come to find out he was waiting for me to gain my confidence back, and with this declaration I was released.

So I have Earned my Big little girl Badge... And it feels Great.

Me and my neighbor lady sure are a pair.

I bought this car at a sheriff's auction a couple of weeks ago. It's a nice car, 4 cylinder, nice red color. It just needs a little? bit of work, a new battery and someone told me there is a short in it somewhere.? And it drains the battery. I will have get That fixed. I'm thinking about sending it to one of those schools that teach auto mechanics.? (If you have any feedback I would appreciate it.) Anyway.... Did I also mention that the trunk lock is broke? I've been trying to get into it since I got the thing..... Well, I had this brainstorm of pulling out the backseat and going through there to pop the trunk from the inside. After all, there could be a battery in the trunk, TOOLS, new tires...hell there could be money in there. My neighbor lady says "There might be a body in there? too.".. but how will we know until we get into the thing.

So we start out to the car which is out in the parking lot next door. I live in a Small town and it happens to be the only parking lot in town, so cars and coming and going. We open both doors, flip up the front seats and climb in looking for a way to take out this seat. It's secure! Fort Knox would be proud.? I've seen people do this before. The seat is Suppose to Just pop out, so what were we doing wrong??
We finally found the BOLTS at the bottom of the seat that are more UNDER the seat then not. My neighbor lady's side was a bit loss and her's comes out with no problems. Mine..... Yeah.... it can never be that easy. I got it to turn a little bit but no further.... so my neighbor lady she gives it a whirl. She made some progress, but then it got sort of stuck. So I? tried again. SUCCESS!? It turns like a top. Then stops Dead. I'm trying to turn it as hard as I can and my neighbor lady asks, "Are you turning it right or left?"
I look at her, "Turning it right."
She shakes her head and says, "No... Lefty loosy...righty tighty."
Here I had tightened it from where she had loosened it. And I Done Such a GREAT job neither of us could get it to go in the opposite direction again.
This meant we Now needed TOOLS.
So off goes my neighbor lady in search of the right tools. I stay with the car. I climb a bit deeper onto the floor? and try as I Might to get this? Bolt to move. After all it was moving before.
As I'm digging my fingers under the seat, I twist to my side hoping to get a better reach on it and my eyes spy this 'loop' up near the top part of the seat. I pull on it and the Whole back portion of the seat 'pops' open. I'm looking straight into the almost Pristine condition of the empty trunk.? There is No Battery. But I DID get the back seat open.
I see my neighbor lady heading back with a wrench, and I Quickly slap the seat back, and look at her all innocent. She climbs in with me. "Did you get it?"
"Yep!"? I reached up and pull on the strap and again it 'pops' open.? I'm not devious... just mischievous.
This is very kool we both agree.
I take a look into the DARK trunk and ask her if she's got a flashlight? She does but it's in the house and she goes to get it. In the meantime I climb further into the trunk. And did I mention I have an artificial leg? And I don't mean a FOOT....or below the knee.... I have a? Full artificial leg, which locks into place when it goes straight.? It unlocks when pressure is applied to the toes. Well, I climb in on my belly and shimmy and wiggle into this ubber small trunk, and can't get over how clean it is. And now am thinking that the lock might have been broke for some times since the rest of the car looks like a circus lived in it. I found a tire iron tucked on the side and a tire and what might be a jack underneath... and a Nice net at the back. My fingers are scanning up and down the sides and finally my neighbor brings the flashlight. I grab it and light up the trunk, but I can't find the lock as there is a metal plate all the way across the back. I see wires and a couple of plastic knobs. One above the other. But nothing looks like a lock. I pound on the inside as my neighbor lady goes to the back of the car.
"Nope... that's the light below the lock."
Sure enough. Whoever built the car hid the lock behind the metal plate. I see a couple of holes and try to get a better look, which meant I needed another angle. Had to flip over.
Did I mention this is a 2-door?? While I'm wiggling my ass trying to back out of the thing, I finally lay the flashlight down, and flop my way out of the trunk. My artificial leg is sticking straight out the passenger door with my WHITE tennis shoe waving in the wind.
I grab the toes of my shoes, give them a tug and my knee folds. I look out the window. My neighbor lady is out there still tapping/pounding on the lock so I would be able to find the spot from inside the trunk. There are people out in the lot watching this spectacle. And I have no idea what amused them more- The woman pounding on the trunk or the surrendering shoe. We could have sold tickets. I might? made enough to buy a new battery.
I climb back into the trunk, this time on my back and I shimmy all the way to the back and shine the light into the holes in this plate. Can't see anything, so I start poking my fingers in there... and sure enough I find the broken lock.? The spring is busted. I hear a blacksmith can fix it for me.
Now I have to figure out how to get the battery out.? It's bolted in..... with Weird bolts. Bet I need different tools. Why Can't they make a 45346549456056854 in 1 tool? No wonder men walk into hardware sections and go all dreamy eyed, salivate and palpitate when they look at these Huge? 41" Clarke HD Plus Tool Box Combo Roller Cabinet & Tool Chests.

Got my headboard put together!

I wanted an answer to the slots on the frame.... and whoever thought those up must have been a genius. Line those badboys up and screw them in place... no lining up tiny holes and drilling new one. Very kool.

Couple more months and I'll be ready to build shopping malls!

?Puts her fists on her hips..... lifts her head? and thrusts her chest outward as she Struts through the house-? I MANHANDLED that screen.... It might be in the? wrong spot but it fits!

It was just one? of those days.....

Sister and I started our day shopping for material. I'm remaking my wardrobe and it's cheaper to make then to buy... So off we go on our long day. We shop from 10 am til 1:30 pm.... GET Lots of good buys.? We then go to the doctor's office to get my physical for my surgery. Tests and everything come out all right and then we are on our way to Lima to get the headboard...
Headboard ONLY. I don't want to whole frame... got one... brand new... don't want the footboard. I'd bump my leg everytime I walked into the room... So we head over there and the guy who took my money for the meriage chair I ordered, that never came in,? no longer is working there. So they decide they no longer sell headboards separately. This does not go over with me very well...Several people are standing and milling around and I start talking (rather loudly) about them making promises then not keeping them. They start looking for a HEADBOARD for me. We find one I like.
They ask, "Do you want it delivered?"
?I say, "No... I live almost 2 hours away. It would cost me a fortune."
So they get their young dude, who can't keep his ass inside his jeans, to carry my headboard out to the car. Did I mention he can't can't keep his ass Inside his jeans while both hands are full?
"Are your pants too short?", sister asked.
What does he do you, you say?? He spreads his legs out about 3 feet and waddles like a duck with my headboard perched above his head. He looked like a walking teeter-totter.? I thought he was going to do the splits right there at the loading dock. We open up the back hatch of sister's Rav4 and he slides that baby right in... He stops and says, "It's 2 inches too long." Sister then comes round and opens the side and tells him to push it on in AFTER she lifted the top end up towards the head rests of the car. He does and it fits just fine.
Sister and I are almost impressed with his intelligence and? tells him. "It just took a couple of women to figure it out."
We leave and make the long drive back home. The headboard was not so heavy as it was awkward... We got it into the house and leaned it up against a wall...? I decided I would put it together the next day.
My neighbor lady calls me the next morning and asks me if I need any help getting my headboard put together... I say, "Sure.. got coffee going... we'll have it all together in a jiffy."..... -rolls her eyes-
It took me 20 minutes to get the damn thing OUT of the box. It's heavier for one person and did I mention it was awkward?... I would get it half way up then it would fall back in cause I couldn't lift it up and out of the box... so I tried backing up while I pulled it out... that didn't work... I rested.. then tried again, still no luck... Finally I had to rip the box half way down the side to get it out. There was a bunch of THICK Cardboard STAPLED all over the thing. What idiot would do THAT???? It looked like the cardboard and staple demons mated in the box and left their offspring? for me to deal with.? We had to pry that $@#!$@#$%# off with flat screwdrivers... and did I tell you THAT's the only kind of screw drivers I own?.... well... we get it all off but several of the staples wouldn't come out. Only one side came loss so the screwdriver was no good... I had go in search for? these Teeny Tiny pliers to jerk them out... Did I mention when my X and I split he took ALL the tools that we bought TOGETHER?
We carry the thing into my bedroom and we pull my bed away from the wall and my neighbor lady picked up the little plastic bag of screws, which just happen to be phillips screws!
She looked the bag over and said, "What are Carriage bolts?"
I look at her and ask her, "Where's the front of my bed so we can hook this on?"
I had forgot when I first moved to this apartment my bed was across the room. I didn't like it there so I moved it to the opposite wall. My bed was now turned round so the front was facing the center of the room. We took a look see at the connecting spots which just happen to be SLOTS... there are no round holes. And Yes, I know now holes can be slots but slot are not always holes.....
Why are there not holes in the frame?... I DO want an answer to that one... anyway... We are looking at this weird set up and she repeats, "What are Carriage Bolts?"
I told her, "I have no Idea.... why?"
"Well, whatever they are, you need them and they arn't included."
I react with a, " WHAT???? I just bought it and I can't even use it?"
?I call my sister today and ask her..."What are carriage bolts?"
She fires back to me..."They are motor mounts."
?I'm like WTF... how the hell you suppose to put motor mounts on my bed... she wants to know what the hell I'm talking about... so I explain it to her.... She can't fathom either how to put those on my bed... but she suggested, "You might have to use a REALLY BIG drill.... one as big as my wrist." And I'm still not picturing these motor mounts to hook my headboard up to my bed.
My uncle shows up this evening and I ask him, "What are carriage bolts?"
He replies, "They're a long bolt with a square top under a flat head and you put a nutt on the end of it."
I asked him how big it was... and he demonstrated with his hands.... I figure no bigger then 4 -5 inches... He asked why and I told him the story I just told you... I thought he was going to hit the floor laughing.

Well... I had my cards read at the end of last year, and I was not too thrilled with what was turned up. I was hoping they were wrong.

Catastrophic change. Pretty much? every stone would be turned over. Everything in my life would change. And although I would be going through so much turmoil I should look forward to the change; Because, even though everything in my life was coming to an end it would bring forth new beginnings. Well.? Here it is April and OMG.? My entire routine, schedule and general life all together is or has come to an end. Sometimes I feel like I'm? a loose end.? And to think I only have about 6 months more to go until things start to? settle down.? (I did tell someone it would be a lonely year for me.)

I got read again day before last, and I have more change to come. More endings to take place. More doors shutting.?

Fateful destruction?? That's sort of what I feel like right now. Sometimes when an earthquake hits it not only levels the ground, but too it opens new routes... new cave structures.... It changes the landscape. Where there was nothing but barren waste land the day before there might be a river and lake system over night. Underwater caverns can become cathedrals of immense beauty.

Can't fateful destructions become fateful opportunities?? Some people might look at my life and say, "Her glass is half empty.".... just as other might say, "Her glass is half full." Which is right? I believe neither. People sometimes are too fixated on the contents to notice that the glass might now be becoming a chalice.

Every Master worth salt will take a slave and empty her.... It's a fearful experience. It can be painful, but it is inevitable. When he's done he'll pour himself into that container.? Perhaps, last year my glass was made of styrofoam. And perhaps, at the end of this year I will be made of stone.

My last entry? didn't make a lot of sense and it was confusing to many of you, so I hope this clears things up for you.

I'm still trying to figure how to fix my profile without churning up all the emotions I still carry.

My last master did leave and abandon me. He's never given any reason, sufficient or otherwise for his actions. All he Would offer was that it was not my fault, which doesn't help in the least since I'm still trying to find closure.

I'm at this time in a temporary collar to Master Sean (? the_immortal_sb ) whom I've known for quite some time. This collar is for my own benefit, and I will be released when he's no longer needed.

I am still only seeking friends at this time.

Well..... I need to update my profile.

I'm no longer in a LDR as my master has decided for whatever reasons... not to continue.?
I'm still not looking.... not in the mood.... not interested in any relationships rl? and certainly? no LDR. I'll never fall for that again.
?

For those of you who have my IDs and mails... Please forgive me if I don't respond quickly.

My roommate moved on down to Georgia, and she arrived with no problems. -waves@ her-?? I got your message from John, and I heard Lacy snuck up on you!.
Since the economy has fallen deeper then before I might be staying up here permanently.? Although, I DO HATE the cold. That is the one downside.? Not much more to write about..... But I am so glad that these are read. The invitations have stopped. -smiles and waves to Gary-

It should not surprise me, but still it does.? I spend the time it takes to fill out one of these profiles. I've made it More then clear I have no intentions, wants or desires to strike up a relationship other then simple friends. But still.... here I am writing and explaining over... and over... and still over again.
Please, if you're going to take your time to actually read the profile then please do not send me mails, invitations or wanted desires to meet you and see IF we are compatible. I assure you as of this date I am not.? I take my relationship very seriously. And I'm sure if the tables were changed and I was your partner you'd not be pleased.

Now that that is all taken care of...And for the rest of you who actually do read these.... I've found the site some useful and enjoyable ( other then the letters of invitations.)? It's very nice to be able to connect with others of my same interests,-Waves to Neal- since of course I live in a Very Rural area.? I tell people that I live in a 2 mule town. Many do not believe they still exists, but I assure you they do indeed. We are not even able to get Western Union here. When I moved here 2 years ago it took me over 3 weeks to the internet. Took me 2 weeks to get cable and my telephone was turned on only after the repairman came 3 times looking for the address and didn't have the foresight to? make a CALL and get directions!.....? I MISS the big city. I will be moving back when I'm able to. I miss the museums and street concerts.. The MALLS ... OMG I miss the malls. Anyway.... you all have a lovely day.

MissSix Female Switch, 29, Los Angeles, California	MistressTalisa Female Dominant, 33, bronx, New York	mistressem6560 Dominant Couple, 47, Ava, Missouri	Mistress1 Female Dominant, 35, ny/nj, New Jersey
MistressKatery Female Dominant, 30	MistressL Female Submissive, 32, Manchester, New Hampshire	mistertom Male Dominant, 55, South Amboy, New Jersey	MistressJadeE Female Dominant, 20, Palm Bay, Florida
Mistress2u Female Dominant, 23, Altamonte springs, Florida	MistressKyley Female Dominant, 34, Highlands Ranch, Colorado	MistressC Female Dominant, 52, Rockland Co, New York	mistress247 Female Dominant, 28

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