missbehaeven

       I went to my first Ds event, formal one, by an organization, on Saturday. So what if I had to suck down a couple glasses of wine to still all(well, almost all) the butterflies fluttering around, and I had to pretend an aplomb I didn't feel when i marched determinedly to the hotel lobby desk, and in my most assured voice, ask where the such and such(insert Ds organization name here) group was meeting.
        That was nothing compared to having to actually walk through the door into the side meeting room where the group was meeting. I pulled up as close as I could to the two in front of me so the people at the desk taking down names wouldn't think I came alone. Speaking of which, I was one of the few who either was alone(alot of new couples) and/or didn't know anyone there.
               This was a class for members new to the organization, so in theory, many of those who attended should have been at least as anxious as I was. So why did I feel like I was the only one sitting there with sweaty palms ? Everyone else seemed to glide effortlessly around the room, chatting with others as if they've known each other forever. Well, many of them did know each other, since it was a mix of old and new members.
           I couldn't get out of my seat fast enough to get literature to read from the main table for something to do, because I'm sure people probably thought I'd run a marathon or something so often was I picking up my soda and drinking it for wont of anything else to do. I will say, the organization has a wonderful amount of information to people who want to grown in a safe way in bdsm, and the people, once i got over my own anxiety and relaxed a bit, were wonderful to talk with, and kept asking me to come back to more meetings they'll be having. (Hey, what group wouldn't be complete without one requisite member sitting there with a deer in the headlights look?)
              Seriously, what a great group, and evening. I was afraid I'd be so anxious the time would drag, but it flew by...I do think I need something constructive, though to do at these events until I can talk as easily as some of the older members. They're always looking for volunteers to arrive early or stay a bit late, to help with organizing snacks and literature.
               Hopefully tomorrow, I'll get back to talk about some of the items I found interesting reading in the literature I was reading. Bright Blessings! 

I'm back from Las Vegas, the spectacular city of sin...Ok, so I didn't commit any sins, well, unless greed counts, and I believe it is one of the seven vices, but since I had intended to commit at least one other, greed alone doesn't count..~chuckles~. Well, what can you do when you have a nearly 70 year old aunt toodling around after you who drinks too much, smokes too much, and if left to her own devices too long, gets returned to the room by security in a wheelchair(Atlantic City, after eight mudslides..don't ask)?....~grins~...Funny thing is, she got hit on by this older man, but I told her to forget about him because he was playing a slot machine for a penny...one penny at a time. I told her with someone like him, she'd never get taken out anywhere better than Denny's.
                Anyway, on to a new subject..This evening is my first, dare I say formal, bdsm organization event that is for the purpose of meeting others, from New England, also involved in bdsm. I'm sure it will be a nice time, and I'll follow true to my nature, and quietly study others. I tend to be more the studied observer than the social butterfly of a gathering..~rueful smiles~..Real time is rearing it's head, and I need to head off..Will try and get back today, or tomorrow.

    Hello, everyone. It's wonderful and eye opening to have an opportunity to read profiles and message boards of people who have similar interests to mine.



     I'm 38 and have had a long time interest in bdsm, explored mainly through online venues and the occasional fetish fair. Honestly, I'm quite secretive about my interest in bdsm because I feel my family and friends wouldn't understand. I can see me making a grand announcement that I've decided to explore a lifestyle of a submissive and then hearing nothing but silence until someone politely asks if the stress of work is getting to be too much for me....~chuckles~



     I've spent some time exploring online and even roleplaying a Gorean slave, and have met some pretty terrific people who have helped me realize that my needs aren't deviant or bizarre and that I might not be fulfilled until I explore them.



     Anyway, I'm not at my best today because I'm recovering from a rather nasty viral illness and am pretty exhausted. I think I'll lay down for a bit, and try later.