found my hero!   i am letting go of foolish fears and ghosts from the past ....I BELIEVE IN IMPOSSIBLE THINGS!  i trust in him

sometimes you have to stop listening to the words and look and see what the reality is ...

ok ... just like mulder ...i want to believe ... and  believe in impossible things .... call me a fool if you will ... i've called myself that many times .... a moment in time .... that i enjoy so much ... i think i am bewitched .........learning to trust again is the most difficult thing i have ever done .... wanting to find that intergity and honor ...truth and no deception ... to find a heart so loyal .......... yes mulder .... i too ...want to believe ..... 

the song " ain't no sunshine in my heart" keeps going though my head ...i even hear it beinging played when i go out ...................

had a nice day  ... had my lunch bought for me ... went shoe shopping and got a minion ... a real pretty minion LOL  ...then went to a party  ... was fun ... there was a birthday party ... cake was on a nakee girl wrapped in saran wrap ... with birthday cake and plates and candles on her ... LOL ... evening of laughter and talking and playing ... gotto love real time ..........

guess what else i need? ... i need to be able to tell someone i love them .... nothing else ..no chains or bounds or legal things ..just a simple ...i love you ... and would be nice if a ..i love you back .... could be .... it would give me a place .... something to believe in ...everyone needs something to believe in ......... then i could roam the world ... look at impossible things .... smile and laugh at what comes my way ..like a butterfly in a field of flowers  .... my heart is loyal .... my trust would be deep my word is my bond ..........enough of this ... a moment in time ... to be remembered always ... another patch on the heart ..............now off to a tea party ... really LOL ..a friend to have a spot of tea with ( i have the most delightful tea shop ) and shoes to go looking at .... still hurt ... hurt so bad ....

enough with being brave ..........i hurt

hoping i don't sound too whiney or pathtic .........dang ...that's not what i am intending .... just trying to let out the sorrow ..... the sun still comes up and life goes on .... i have two strong wings to fly on the breeze with ... and soar ....soar ...soar ... been down before ...will be down again LOL ... this was was special ..he made me smile ... and enjoy life and realize ...that i am my own person in my own way ........... i have weakness ... and faulths  ...but so does everyone .... i accept my faults and accept them in others ...just trying to find someone who will accept mine too .............. dang ...i really liked him ...

i forgot ...butterflies don't live forever ..... it was a beautiful dream .... Like the song //I dreamed a dream ......... but white rabbits and beautiful butterflies ...will live on in my heart ...........and i received so much .... firefly ... red white and blue popcycles ... good home cooked food ... good conversations ... and a wonderful friendship and a good man ... and those eyes ...those wonderful eyes ... those will haunt me forever ...i will always see them in my dreams ..............well ..............now i guess i will go out and enjoy the day .... still dance in the moonlight and play in the sun ..............alone again ..naturally ... LOL

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ............ birds are chirping ... not quite a song ... breezes making the wind chimes tink tink tinkle ......... and i am now knowning what it is that puts a smile on my face ... a sense of being useful  ... of having something to look forward to  ... companionship  .... to do for someone else with no regard of what's in it for me ...to realize that i was like a spoiled child in some things  .... that i tormented myself over needless fears  .... what happens , happens ... a good solid friendship ... a person who makes you smile ...a feeling of warmth .... letting that person tell you ... 'enough ...this is the way it is ...or just a plain old ...STOP IT .... i should have known that from raising my own children ... sometimes bountries are needed ...guidelines ..... makes for a better awareness of what is needed ...self control ... purpose ... and ..maybe ...could it be? ... real happeness ... not some seaching and wondering and over anlizing things ... just freaking enjoy it and give over some control ... things may not be what you want .... but am finding satisfaction in what i receive .... ........ like the song says ...you might not get what you want ... but you just might get ....what u need .....cheers!

beautiful day here .... still kicking myself over my stupidness ...  i need a magic wand to undo stupid things i do ......... but then it would be wore out after about 2 days ... i do enjoy writing to kindred spirits on here .... does anyone happen to have  a magic wand? ... or how about a gag i can borrow ... i hate gags .... but think i need to wear one .. or how about a lesson in how to not let every single thing i react to ,show on my face until i can process it and deal with it ...and decide it's not a threat ....  i can be so wise about so many things .... but so stupid when it comes to ...well ... maybe  i just get scared ....  i have to learn to take it easy ...not fret or let unimportant things overwhelm me ......... just enjoy and go with it ........... butterflies are free .... my own words ... why didn't i heed them? Had a beautiful butterfly soaring with me ............ maybe if i stay real quiet .... and wish like fairies do ... i will turn and see that butterfly soaring with me ...

butterflies are free ........... simple statement ... a whole lot of meaning .. alice , i would like to think ...would understand ....

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

i think i do so many "alice" quotes because i feel like her .... dropped down a rabbit hole ... and suddenly ...everything is quite turned around ... and you try following the white rabbit ... and he just keeps eluding you ... you get close ..then he turns down another hallway and you just keep seeing glimpes of him ... oh ..you do meet amazing things along the way ... but that white rabbit just stays on your mind .... curiouser and curiouser ...

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." 
 

ok ... everyone go to u-tube and look up the song "put the lime in the coconut" and play it .... dance with it around the room ..... LOL LOL ... and have some fun ..

i am loving this song .... when ever i get sad ..i'm going to play this song ...whenever i have bad thoughts running though my head and they won't get out ...i'm going to play this song ...you just can't help dancing and doing the moving the head and the beat with this song .... and u gotto smile ...no way you can listen to this song and not smile ...

ok ... this waiting thing ...grows tiring .. told you i'm inpatient .... i need to find an outlet ... someplace to channel this energy ... still need to find those to trust .. my world got turned upside down  ... in turmoil ...all that i thought was true ....wasn't ... now ..i look ... and wonder ... is this truth? ... or just another bird with a broken wing with issues of it own ... i want to move beyond ..immerse myself in something ...burn bright with desire and create  and accomplish something ... anything ... to find a kindred spirit to share and go and do things .... someone who will burn as bright as me .......

i have been told i'm an impatience person ... it's true ..i am learning the art of waiting ..can't say that i enjoy it much ... but maybe it will grow on me ...

ok ...last Alice Quote ...but i just  had to do this one ...

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
(Alice's Adventures in Wonderland,

"Tut, tut, child!" said the Duchess. "Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it."
(Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 9

)


"I quite agree with you," said the Duchess; "and the moral of that is--'Be what you would seem to be'--or if you'd like it put more simply--'Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.'"
"I think I should understand that better," Alice said very politely, "`if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it."
"That's nothing to what I could say if I chose," the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone.
"Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that," said Alice.
(Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 9

)

 I am what i am .... no more ...no less ... not a domme ...not a sub ...

ithink that's what i try to tell people ... come with no preconcieved ideas of what i am or will be .....many make me into something in their mind and are disappointed ... and should be ... i don't live in their mind ...

i live in mine .... and i don't know what goes on in there so how can i tell anyone else ...

i'm a changeling .... i was switched at birth for a human baby who the trolls ate and and left me...   i do NOT want to domanate you ... i do energy flows ... let the energy build and  flow between us ...you test the limits of your pain ...  and i test mine ... sometime i use sexual energy...long bouts of exhausting do it till it hurts sex ...(a true power exchange)

once in a great while ...i find one who totally overwhelms me  ... i then act stupid ... and have no idea of what to do .... amazed by them ...wanting them ... but don't know how to have a human relationship .... stupid trolls never taught me that part ....

knew i wouldn't leave those up .... namaste

there be dragons here .... that was writing on old maps in days gone by .... warning sailors of dangers that lurk and also where the edge of the world was ....

with the loving support of friends who gave me a shield of their love ...i have faced my dragon .....   and i have defeated him .....

i am free .... i am free .........

i have faced the captain and i am free ............... he has no power over me ....

i had a very nice day today  ....  more than nice ....  he made me dinner and sang irish drinking songs to me .......

wow .... wow ..wow ..... i am not sure anyone could top that ....wow ...

.... and a chocolate milk shake .....  double triple wow ......

yeaaaah .... week end coming up .... party with friends ... always good to be with friends ...

now if we could just have some dancing minions ..... LOL

party this month is happy valentines day cut out your heart .... tie em up and cut off clothes .. now that' a party LOL .... good will store here we come ... what?... you didn't think we have our own clothes cut off did you???

life goes on .... just getting tired ... so many people looking ... and for what? ...sometimes hard to figure out ...  even for me ...i think i know .... but then again ...

 now i am down to smelling them ... seeing if they smell right ... LOL LOL ...

 sometimes it's hard , feeling so many emotions ... it can be exciting ... but it also drains you ....

 looking for safe harbors  ... storms are fun for a while ... but safe harbor and calm waters are good for the soul ....

 most of you will have no idea of what i am talking about .... but that is all right ....

Namaste,

abby ... ( and still liking minions LOL )

when a door closes ...a window opens .... and i have climbed out that window and the world has opened up to me .......

i seem to be having a nice time .... i'm still looking for subs Male and female who would like to go do things ...REAL TIME  ... i like to call them minions ...because i like the sound of it .... would't you like to be a minions .... so evil sounding LOL LOL

life is good and i have a smile on my face ....  abbyann101

NEWS FLASH ....  i went to winter wickedness in columbus ohio  for weekend ...

if any of you want to stop by and say HEY  ... please do so ...

abby ann

willian of coventry wrote this ...think it bears repeating ..

servant has a claim upon the Master as assuredly as a Master has a claim upon the servant"....all you Doms, real and purported, forget this not, We are as responsible for their safety and security as they are for our satisfaction...appreciate what you have...

new sybian came yesterday .... and i ....well ... never mind ... LOL LOL LOL

amazing what some time does ...   getting new toys ... and going to post some new pictures of said toys LOL ...

 finding some really interesting people ... life goes on ...

 and getting over disapointment in former love  ....... it's always hard when your hero wasn't the man you thought ....

 but ....  i still have this devilish sense of humor ... and still know how to  come up with delightful ideas ......

 still looking for that one who will be what i am looking for ...but in  the meantime ...

ahhhh ....  Life is good ....

wow! some really great people on here .... thank you to all who have writen ... you all have put a smile on my face ...

 still sad ... but so many words of comfort ... and compassion ... and those of you who have also loved and lost ... and words of cheer and hope .... you all make the world a better place ...

 i think if i click my ruby slippers ( heels)  together ... i will find another love ... i do believe in love ... i do believe in love .... sigh .... now if i can keep another house from falling on my head ... i just might make it .........

 cheers ...

abby ann

ok ..

 i think i was looking at him with rose colored glasses ... and forgetting about  these last years  ....

so .... now i can only remember him this last year  .... the bad things .... the things he did and sort of lied about .... the way he wasn't honest with me ... didn't talk to me ...

 about things

and you know what? ... that is the saddest thing of all ....

so now what ?.... yep ... going to look for that hero  .... real time only ...

first day of a new year ... the past year wasn't a great one ...  but the remenbrace of what was before ... life with my captain, seems to haunt me ...

 i am trying to figure out where i should go...what direction ... friends call ... and i have been traveling  .... but i have a big empty hole in my life now ..

 i am thinking i would like to find someone who was like the captain was in the beginning ..

 he guided me ... he made me feel safe ... we would talk for hours and hours ... we would think up crazy things to do ... and just enjoyed each other ..

 people would come over and i was always " what does that feel like?" LOL LOL ..  always finding fun things to do ... and just enjoying ...

 i think i want to find someone to make me feel safe again .... someone who would sit back and just enjoy the things i would come up with ... someone who is sucure in themselves to allow me to fly and think up fun things ...

 no one with a heavy hand  ... for that would cause me to retreat .... but someone who would smile at me ... and enjoy my antics  .... someone that i would have the greatest respect for ...

 someone that i would love with all of my heart and soul  ....

 but maybe that doesn't come twice in a life time .........

i have lost my Captain ...he said it was a mid-life crisis ... i don't know ..only that it made me sad ... so sad ... i thought he would aways be there for me ... but i guess it's wasn't to be ...   right now i am looking for friends and family ... those who have the same kink as me ...  those who like the offbeat ... i like to smile ... and it's been a while since i smiled .... i want to find kindred spirts ... people who want to have fun and enjoy ... to do crazy ass fantasies ... someday i hope to find love again ...love that will be true and not swayed by others .... someone who will remember that i was always true and loyal and  always loved ... though bad and good ....

  to those who choose to play ... i will always have compassion ... i do not use and discard people ... i know what it is to want things ... and i try to make things come true ... but if you feel that you deserve to be punished or need to grind someone under your heel ... please go elsewhere .... i am about real life and needs ... i like and understand the need for pain ...the safe feeling of domanace ...the need of someone who belongs to you ...

but the ones who think that this is all they 'deserve' or those just wanting to "make" someone hurt or suck their dick .... and have delusions of grander in there heads ...

sorry .... but no ...not what i want in my life ...

 also looking for those who want to also enjoy the vanilla side ..to go to clubs and things ..those who are open in their lifes ... even to jazz clubs or parks etc ....

give me an email if interested ..

abby

change .... it happens .... sometimes it's for the better ..... sometimes it makes you sad ... time for new beginnings ... and someone to love me ........

waiting ....

  summer is over ...fall is almost gone ... met some interesting people ... but The Captain and i are always interested in meeting more ...

like i said ...we do excitement well ..... LOL ....

we have fun ... do a lot of different things ... and have friends with same interests ....

give us a holler if your sitting around not going out to do things .....