mischiefmaker1

I'm taking July off!  It gets crazy in the summer and something has got to give.  In this case it's CM.  I will be attending a couple of munches, but staying away from cyber.  Fear not!  I will return with new journal entries sometime in August.  Until then, enjoy your summer and don't be insulted if you send an email and don't get a response.

Taking off August too!

Oh happy day.  The guy that prompted the earlier entry sent ME an email.  Both giving me more fodder for my journal and once again proving that Mark Twain was right when he said, "It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt".  Oh and then he blocked me.  Claims to be a dom and then is so pussy he blocks me so I can't respond to his nasty email.  

Such a fun email.  Nasty with name calling and this weird "explanation":  I was just trying to have a bit of fun at her expense.  What?  Then he said I didn't know the full story.  So I asked Gym and she said she doesn't recall ever interacting with the guy.  Apparently, the full story is in his head.  Given the quality of his response, that full story must be very lonely in there.

He also seems to feel that if I have time to write in my journal it must mean I have no life.  Guess the guy never heard of bloggers and feels creativity is pathetic.  Not to mention that my not having a picture on my profile means I'm hiding something.  This is something addressed in earlier journal posts.  It always takes me by surprise when people think they are going to offend me, hurt my feelings or otherwise bother me by being little and distasteful.  Why would I care what you think of me?  I barely care about what the people who love me think of me. 

At the very end of his email he said "beat it".  My response?  "I'm sure you have a lot of experience with that".  Really sometimes the jokes write themselves!  Of course, I won't put his name here.  But, if anyone would like to forward this to him just send me an email and I'll point you in the right direction.

If you've read my journal you know I'm friends with some of the other people on CM.  Today one of my subbie friends, Gym, sent me an email exchange and there is NO way I'm not writing about it.

Gymmie got an email from a Dom.  Nice, polite - it's always good to find normal emails in the inbox here at CM.  She wasn't interested, but politely responded in kind.  Thanking him for the interest and explaining why it wasn't returned.  Should be the end of the story, right?

Welcome to CollarMe!

This "Dom" sends back an email that says:  Toooooo funny, beggers cant be choosers. Ive seen you on here for soooooo long now.  You can't help wondering why people need to make fools of themselves when all they need to do is read the email and not respond.  Now Gym, being a much nicer person than I will ever be sends back an email that says essentially yes, you're right I am a chooser and thanks for noticing.  

There is so much journal fodder - it's hard to know where to begin.  Really, I'm sitting here typing tied!  Let's start with the most obvious.  If you've seen her on here for soooooooooo long that means you have been on here looking for sooooooooooo long.  Then you say "beggars can't be choosers" (actually you said "beggers" but we will pass on the poor spelling for now).  So we can conclude that you aren't choosey and aren't above begging and yet you are still looking.  Doesn't say much for you, does it?

This immediately brings us to the next issue.  Why is it that so many of us are on CM for a long time?  Finding a Dom or a sub for a LTR is no easy task.  We meet, we munch, we play and we understand that it is a process.  And sadly, at least for subs, the pool we have to chose from is made up of 95% facepalm producers like this "Dom".  Seriously, if you can't control yourself, how are you going to control anyone else?

And I have to wonder, what did he expect as a response?  "Ohh you are right.  Thanks for making me see the error of my ways.  I'm done being choosey.  Let me suck your cock, please please please.  I'M BEGGING".  That probably isn't as funny as I think it is.  Maybe my search will never be successful, so be it.  What is this guy suggesting?  You should be desperate and therefore if ANYONE sends you an email, you should be so thankful that it would be a good idea to fake an attraction and lie about being interested.  That's so creepy on so many levels. 

And still there is more!  (From two sentences a rant is produced)  You know how a lot of Doms on CM get so bent out of shape about people not responding to emails, some to the point of actually posting on their profile?  This guy is one of the reasons for people not wanting to respond.  If a polite "thanks, but I'm not interested" is followed by this kind of dopiness, it becomes much easier to just hit delete and move on to the next email.  It's not what I do, but it is understandable.  It is NOT, however, an excuse to have a whiny rant on your profile about all the rude people on CM.  That just makes you look silly.  I mean, let's face it.  Can we really be sure that some of the people here can breathe and chew gum at the same time?  Some of these people fool you by walking upright.   Lower your expectations when it comes to email responses.   Do what I do when someone acts a fool - acknowledge just how funny it is and write a nice rant!

As some of you have reminded me it's been a very long time since my last entry.  It's just that the usual assortment of CM denizens hasn't given me much to say.  Today, though, is different!

It's always interesting the number of people that have "Master" or "Lord" or "Great HunkyDory Number 1 Dom" in their screen names.  They are often the same, but not always, the ones that say if you contact them you should call them Master or Lord immediately.  Dude (that's right I duded a self-proclaimed Dom), you aren't my Dom and, while I'll be polite, you don't get to be called anything yet.  Maybe sir, if we are chatting.

Sorry, a bit off on a tangent there.  Today I discovered someone who refers to himself in the 3rd person as "Master".  Along the lines of, "Master likes this" and "Master will do that".  NO!  Master needs to refer to himself as I, along with the rest of the sane world. 

Yeah, yeah - some people think it is protocol and I shouldn't be judging.  It just seems so silly.  And I do wonder if anyone responds positively to this.  Maybe, but I think this guy puts the master in masterbate.  < Spelling joke!

We all try to avoid the CM morons, but sometimes it's just not possible.  That's why all my meets are scheduled near me and usually at Starbucks.  If someone is going to be a no show, I'm happily sitting with my Nook and a cup of coffee.  Something I like to do and rarely find the opportunity.  It's a no lose situation for me.

As for the flake?  He couldn't get his dick wet if he fell out of a boat, so let him have his moment of masturbatory glory.  Of course, you can email me if you want his name in order to avoid him.

In other news, I'm avoiding the Fifty Shades of Grey thing like it was radioactive.  As popular as it is, if it starts getting stuff wrong it is just going to annoy me.  One of my sisters said they got the Dom personality pretty good.  But really a beautiful, young virgin who has never heard of BDSM?  That makes me shudder any time I think about picking up the first book.

Let me know if you have read it and what you think.

Sometimes typos are just so amusing. 

the Dom should be your God you as a slave/sub should do nothing but live for your Master, and sever hin to the best of your ability both in body and mind, and with no doubt. So if you feel you are willing to sever this Master just get in touch and tell me how you plain to sever, and them i may get back to you.

I'd write to him (after all he MAY get back to me), but it's impossible for me to decide how to sever him.  There are just so many options.  Machete?  Butter knife?  Really, if it is just once that's a typo.  THREE times?  I'm going with the butter knife!  The English language has NOT consented to this torture.

What is wrong with some of the people on this site?  After an exchange of emails, I requested a pic.  Because of the holiday stuff going on I didn't get back for a couple of days.  So there are two unread emails - 1 with a pic and 1 saying that apparently I wasn't go to send mine in return.  Is it that hard to look in your sent mail and see that your email is still unread?  Or failing that - how about just being patient and saying, "well it is NY's Eve, let me wait a couple of days."  

Sometimes when the "Doms" on here complain about how hard it is to find someone I can't help but wonder if they lack the minimal social skills to make a connection.

Sorry for the rant, but people who expect an immediate answer on a online site during a busy time of year just jar my preserves.

I promise another less ranty entry soon!

You can sleep with a blonde, you can sleep with a brunette, but you will never get any sleep with a redhead.

Here's a quick one: 

I am a laid back, clam, fair but firm Dom male. 

He must be quite happy.  (It's not my fault if you don't get it!)

I sent him an email to point out the mistake.  He responded, said he was going to correct then signed his name with "Clam Society of Domsters".

YAY Someone with a sense of humor!

??

I've heard from the same guy who emailed me yesterday.  Here's today's:??????

knew it would be a better day with you in it................. 

steal up behind...................................hair wrapped in my hands................................taste and tease........................the nape of your neck..............................hot breath ...........................makes you shiver................. morning beard.........................scratch and tickle.............................take my time...................... 

discover you............................

This guy is starting to creep me out.  He seems all stalkery.  Stalkery is a word. 

Maybe I'm just too pragmatic.  One of my friends had a guy say to her, "I'm going to tie you up and read you poetry".  I said, "once your tied up, the poetry is superflous".  So when I get an email that is entirely this: 

shall i be ......................soft sensual passion that washes over your dreams................................. or a torrent of lust and ....................savagery............... 

All I can do is roll my eyes.  What exactly is wrong with, "I read your profile, we seem to have similar interests.  Would you like to chat?"  Or, "I notice you love _____, so do I".  There is a time and place for purple prose and poetry. 

For me anyway it isn't in the first email.   Or after you have tied me up. 

So much of this search is an intellectual exercise.  Is this person real or fake?  Experienced or just a wannabe?  Are W/we going to be compatible?

The thing is that sometimes the desire and the need get lost in the rational calculations.  Or in the humor over some of the emails I receive or the profiles viewed.

My longing to be controlled and used, my need to serve and please all exist without really being truly translated to this profile.

So I will share a fantasy with you.  My Dom has me bent over a table and is putting a huge plug up my ass.  My instinctive resistance gets my pussy smacked.  He WILL do as He pleases with me.  Even my aching ass can't stop my cunt from dripping.  Sir takes me with little concern for my comfort or discomfort, using me for His pleasure.  He doesn't allow me to cum.

He orders me to leave the plug in and dress.  Then he sends me out to do my errands with instructions to tell 3 men that I meet while out that I'm wearing a butt plug.  He has sent me out before with orders that all men and boys are to be called "Sir" so I will remember my place.  But this is very different.  The thought of having to tell strangers about my plug makes me burn with embarrassment, and drip with desire.

I have a confession.  Some of you will be shocked.  Some of you may secretly agree.  It's a big risk to admit this on CM, but - well, it's just not possible for me to keep it to myself any more.

In my opinion, men in leather pants look RIDICULOUS. 

That's right, I said it.  A leather vest - not great, but ok.  A leather jacket - that rocks.  The only thing that looks less attractive on a man than leather pants is leather pants PAIRED with a leather vest.

Any woman can wear a leather bustier and look good.  Some women (YOUNGER PLEASE) can look fantastic in leather pants.  But I find it impossible to take a man in leather pants seriously!

It's been quiet here on CM - except for the usual emails of course.  Including one that I recieved today that said, "Wow a natural redhead bbw - my sub is lucky I didn't find you first". 

How am I supposed to respond to that?  With a statement like that I'm doubting your sub's luck anyway.

In picture news (under the caption "What were you thinking????") please take a look at the profile MDisciplineD.  I'm all for an honest pic, but does this guy think his hairy gut is his best feature?

I'm getting really mean.  But it's the same old story - I need a Dom to whip me into suitable sub shape. 

Wow, it's been a while since my last entry.  There hasn't been much happening.  I have chatted with a few and met a couple, but no connections. 

Maybe I'm too picky?  Seriously, in the entire Philadelphia/SNJ area can there not be one reasonably attractive, smart Dom who is fun to be with?  I'm awfully cute and fun to be with.  Not to mention a natural redhead with a love of kink.

But enough about me.  WAIT!  This is MY profile, it's all about me!

In my previous journal entry I had to say BDSM social networking site because apparently CM won't let me put the name of that site in a journal entry.  Really?  How stupid is that?  And someone just put it in an email to me this morning!  It wasn't edited.  It's not like people aren't going to join and use both.

So if you are F unaware E of T this social L networking I site F - Perhaps you can read between E the lines (or in this case the words).com 

This is a repeat of an earlier entry.  Emails from all over the US and foreign lands as well.  People, if you can't find someone local - it may be time to get some advice.  Join the social networking site for BDSM and get some feedback.  If you live in Illinois and can't find a sub in Chicago, coming to look in NJ isn't going to get you far.

W/we all know that finding the right person even for play is no easy thing.  Yet, I can't help wondering about people who contact me from Virginia, or New Hampshire or really anywhere more than 2 hours away.
There isn't any relocation in my near future and nothing on my profile to suggest there might be. 
Now, that being said - it makes sense if you live in the middle of South Podunk that you may have to be willing to relocate to find what you want.  Or hope you can find someone who wants to move to the middle of nowhere.
But why are people from NYC or Connecticut contacting me?  Have they exhausted the huge pool of possible subs in their area?  That certainly doesn't speak well of them.  Yes, that's judgmental. 
You could be handsome, sexy and one of the greatest Doms ever and I wouldn't drive 2 hours to play with you.  As unfair as it seems, it smells of desperation if you have to cast your Dommy net that wide.

Some things bear repeating, so here's an update of an earlier journal entry:

I have no problem playing with someone who is in a LT relationship as long as EVERYONE knows about the play.  It's kinda shocking how many emails I get from married men who wives DON'T know they play.

The basis for any relationship in this lifestyle is trust.  There is no reason for me to trust someone who is lying to the most significant person in their life.

And let's face it, there is no possible reason for me to cede control in my life to someone so obviously not in control of their own. Rationalize it however you like - there's no interest on my part in being your dirty little secret.

Spring is absolutely in the air.  Even with predictions of snow there were 10 emails in my inbox this morning. 

Of course, there were a couple of just "Hi" emails.  Those just got deleted.  By the way, I've taken to responding to the "How are you today?" emails with "tired of getting emails from people who can't be bothered with writing more than "How are you today.  Thanks for asking!".  Yeah, yeah - I'm a cranky sub.

Ok, I actually corrected someone's grammar in an email.  Yes, I'm that asshole.  It probably had something to do with getting the email while still on my 1st cup of coffee.  He described himself as "a wm dominate".  There's a lot of that going around.  I wonder if he would describe himself as "a wm discrete dominate looking for an alfa f".

Wow, apparently I need a good, solid beating.  Lack of domination in my life is making me pedantic and obnoxious.  But yes - I responded to the body of his email and then said, "you mean 'dominant' not 'dominate'.  Noun/verb."  Damn it people - I'm a sub, by definition I can't control myself!

***Later that morning... he replies and says, "yes I am a dominate male".  Excuse me, I have to go bang my head against the wall.

It's not that I expect the search for a Dom to be easy, but WOW it's crazy difficult.  And the word "crazy" is used for all it's meanings!

Doesn't it seem totally unbalanced that vanilla sex is so easy to find?  I could have nilla sex everyday with a variety of men.  Yet finding someone for NSA bdsm sex isn't even easy on CM, much less anything that might lead to LTR.

Damn, that whole paragraph was like alphabet soup.  I'm just venting.  Spring is in the air and a slut's thoughts turn to being humiliated, spanked and used.  Ok, to be fair that pretty much describes my feelings all year round.

So the search continues while I counsel myself to possess myself in patience.  Stupid, stupid patience.  Once again I reveal why a Dom is so needed in my life.  It's much easier to be patient if there is Someone with a paddle to remind me.

It's been a non-crazy/non-psycho time here on CM.  This will change with the coming of spring of course.  I've spoken with a few doms, but no real connections.  The two that said they wanted to meet for a face to face quickly disappeared.

Here's a fun one though:  Hey there! How are you? Do you have a BP cuff?

That's incredibly random.  There's nothing about my having any interest in medical play on my profile.  Aside from that, what an interesting conversation starter.  It's one of those times that the lack of social skills on the part of CM denizens really befuddles me. 

Why exactly is this guy contacting me?  All he had to do was check my interests.  If he was still curious about any interest I might have in medical play, he could ask.  I find myself wondering is he that fetish specific?  Is he sending every sub in a certain radius that question?  Or perhaps he has a problem with high blood pressure during play and wants his sub to be prepared. 

Look I'm trying not to judge anyone's kink.  But CMON.  Hey there!  How are you?  Do you have a BP cuff?  Maybe I've missed something and this is a remarkable new trend.  You don't have a BP cuff?  All the hot subs have them.  Hmmm, I'll take the latest Kate Spade cuff in red and pink!

Really?  Really?  Grrrrrrr

IT'S DISCREET YOU ANNOYING TWIT, NOT DISCRETE.

Today's short rant brought to you by the Grammar and Spelling Police. GSP - To protect and serve the English Language.

This one literally made me laugh out loud.  New profile, it has only the basic stuff - no likes, dislikes, nothing in the description section except "hope to hear from you ladies...".

It appears that this guy thinks there is a flock of submissive women who have just been waiting for him to appear on CM.  "Hey all I have to do is put my age, color and location on this website and I am GOLDEN".  Ohhh, is there a line?  Do I need to take a ticket?

There's another type of non profiler that gets me too.  Someone sends me an email and says, "tell me about yourself" or "what are you seeking"?  And when I look at their profile there's nothing there.  YOU just contacted me.  YOu can't be bothered with putting something - anything! - but you want me to answer your unsolicited email with info about me???  I'm not a switch, but in this case?  Please let me give you the beating you so richly deserve.

Now that's disrespectful.  See this is why I need a Dom.  Somebody needs to keep me in line.

All I can do is shake my head and shrug.  Came upon a a profile that had a good amount of spelling and grammar mistakes.  Ok, let's face it - that's no surprise here on CM.  But it had this:

its the Doms perrogative to mispell words and have the sub interpret it.so We done have to waste time and go over it.

Why not just say, "Not only am I uneducated - I don't have enough self-respect to get off my lazy ass and try to make a good first impression"? 

Now, that doesn't mean he IS uneducated.  After all I have a good education and have my share of spelling issues.  BUT I do have enough respect for myself and others to get off my lazy ass, use spellcheck and proofread what hopefully others will read.

Ok, I get it.  You're a sadist.  Still - the English language is not a pain slut.  Stop torturing it people.  Remember - safe, sane, CONSENSUAL!

What is up with photoshopping your profile pic?  Go take a look at MasterDarkLust.  The head is so obviously shopped on to the body, but I can't figure out why.  The color is wrong, the head is too big - the perspective is totally skewed. 

PEOPLE:  Put up a pic or don't.  Take the time to have a normal picture taken and use it as a profile pic.  If you are too ugly or a wanted felon, then don't post a pic.  Especially a pic with the face poorly scraped away or taken from a mile away or so badly focused it could be a picture of Elvis fucking Angelina Jolie for all anyone can tell.

I'm not sure about this rant.  It may just be frustration (yeah I need a little sumthing sumthing) in general or just because the reason for MasterDark to shop his pic eludes me.  It bothers me when things don't make sense.

Anything to add?  Hmmm.  OH YEAH!  After an exchange of emails with someone it turned out he wasn't willing to exchange a pic here.  Sorry, not going to meet you based on your self-description.  He wrote back to me that it was "your loss" and that it would be better if "you were more understanding".  Ummm NO! There is no way for me to believe that someone who is unwilling to share a pic is worth meeting in person. 

As for being more understanding?  This was obviously not a person who has been on CM for very long.  Enough said!

Again sorry for the formatting of this entry.  I can't get CM to cooperate - any advice would be welcome! 

It's been a while - mostly because of holiday madness. There's a new profile that caught my eye. BigGuy9inches Ok - that's fun. But for real amusement value take a look at what BigGuy has to say:

I am a dominant single male, looking for a submissive or a slave female, who enjoys a big cock. 

What is it about some men that are so fascinating by their dicks that they fail to grasp (pun unintended, but HA) that just having one is not all they need to attract someone.

It appears that they are under the impression that 9 inches will make women swoon without any concern for intelligence, interests, sense of humor, looks, etc.......

Dudes! Look I'm not saying that size doesn't matter. We all know it does. BUT. If you think that it is all that matters or that it is your best feature and needs to be "BIGDICKDOM" or "COCKYMCCOCKERSON" on your profile - you're an adolescent. Just like the guys who feel the need to send unrequested photos of their dicks to unsuspecting subs just trying to have their coffee and check the email.

Ok that last part might be a pet peeve. But sheesh, 7 am is too early in the morning to be surprised by HAIRYFLACIDDICK.

It's been a while since my last entry.  The holidays are keeping me busy.  But I saw one today that just had to be shared.  Ladies and Gentleman, please meet XXXJoe:

HELLO, I'M JOE. AND XXX IS NOT MY SIZE, BUT MY MIND SET. I'LL SPANK YOU IF YOU WANT, BUT I'M NOT INTO THIS BDSM STUFF. AND I'M JUST LOOKING FOR SEX!

The underline is mine.  The ridiculous is pure XXXJoe!  The laughter we can all share!

Joe - since you are only looking to get laid, here are some easy rules to follow:

1.  Sign up on a BDSM site and say you aren't into BDSM

2.  Offer to do some spanking, because that's all it takes to get a woman hot!

3.  Try to remember what a real woman feels like and go back to AFF*

What is the mindset here?  That women into BDSM are easier (sluttier) than vanilla women?  That if you are into BDSM the only thing that interests you is spanking and sex?  I really don't get it.  There are tons of vanilla hookup sites.  Has he failed on ALL of them?  The profile just seems senseless as opposed to wreaking of desperation.

*Yeah, you didn't have any luck on AFF and that's why you are here.  We understand.

At one point I said that it wasn't right to make fun of people's profiles.  What can I say?  This is why a sub needs a Dom.  Here's the latest from the CM Fail Files:

All slave girls  who enter the house of     ED will study hard and Learn  the ten slave postions  or face my Whip  .Shoes for a slave .I think  not . you have not earn  that right .your Nipple s will be rings .down the road  your ass will be marked with the House seal .

Also you will study hard and learn to attack grammar, randomly captilize, and commit crimes against punctuation.  ALL for my PLeasure.  Well he got one thing right - he thinks not! 

I have been on CM long enough to have earn that Right to comment on dopeyn.ess.

Recieved an email today and went to look at his profile.  Here's part of what was there:

I don't want to be in charge of anyones life...I can barely manage my own.

I've had this discussions with "Doms" before.  If you can't manage your own life, what possible incentive is there for me to cede control to you?  These guys have this fantasy of what D/s is, and very little connection to the reality. 

Subs look to their Doms for among other things, control, understanding, acceptance - I was trained that Doms need to lead by example. 

This reminds me of trying to set up a meet with someone here.  I explained that all first meets were vanilla.  We meet in a public place, prove that each of us exist (It is collarme after all) and move from there.  He said, "Oh I really want to spank you - I may not be able to control myself".  We can all facepalm at once.

Oh but there's more!

I would like a woman who will tend to my needs and feelings, and respect me. I am married, and as you can probably guess finding none of the above at home, especally respect.

Look, it's not like on some level I don't feel sorry for this guy.  This is just an extreme example of how a lot of the guys on CM think.  A Dom is a man of character and strength.  Is He perfect?  No.  But how he handles the obstacles is part of what makes him dominant.  And part of what attracts a sub.

In this case the guy is submissive to his wife.  He allows her to treat him disrespectfully and responds by looking for someone who fulfills his fantasy without trying to get his own life in order first.

My training is that it is a Dom's job to take on the fears and shame associated with their sub's fantasies and desires so that the sub can then feel safe in being led to act on those fantasies.  If I can't trust my Dom not to judge me, what is there in O/our relationship?

Some of the Doms on here amaze me.  Lately the trend has been toward judging other people's kinks.

"I think a woman should be in a skirt and no real man lets his woman wear pants."  This treasure goes on to say that only a "nancy boy" doesn't want to see a woman in a skirt. 

Now as funny as this is, it's just an extreme example of a disturbing trend of people feeling their way is the ONLY way.  And I even have no problem with that.  My issue is with people that feel the need to be judgmental and close minded on their profiles.  No sub in her right mind is going to feel comfortable chatting with someone so judgmental right from the beginning.  "What will he judge about me"?

Here's another example, I noticed on a Dom's profile his judgment that a Master should find his own subs or slaves.  That it was wrong to have a sub do any searching on His behalf.  Since this is someone I've communicated with in the past, it didn't seem right to just call him out without giving him a chance to explain his position.

My supposition here is not whether it's wrong or right, but simply that if someone's kink is to have a sub find others - well, that's their kink and good luck to them.  So I sent off an email and the response was pretty much, "this is how I feel and lots of people agree with me".  

So I asked:  Lots of people think it is wrong to hurt a woman, does that make you wrong for doing it?  If it is safe, sane, consensual are you to accept other people's judgment and stop?

The response:  "Sigh. Enough"   Ok, some people fool you by walking upright.  This particular Dom got me because we have chatted in the past about various things and he seemed intelligent.  This just proves to me that what passes for intelligence on Collarme might not stand up to scrutiny in the real world.  

Do you think that a Dom/Domme should find their own without asking current subs/slaves to look for them?  Ok, that's your opinion and you are entitled to it.  You are even entitled to say so on your profile.  But to be derogatory about that, to say it's wrong for other people to do it is judgmental and closeminded.  Can you do it?  Absolutely.  And, like whining on your profile about people not responding to emails, it's really unattractive.  
 
I'm off to put on a pair of jeans and find a nancy boy.

CM gets me by offering up different profiles to view each time I sign on here.  What do you seek?  Isn't that the question we hope our profiles answer?  In reading through profiles I've found that some people are pretty clear about what they want, certainly you would get a good idea from mine. 

Some people seem confused by the idea of a profile.  Either they are unsure how to fill it out or spend a good portion of it talking about how everyone on CM is fake.  But today I saw a profile that can only be described as the very definition of "lowered expectations":

Quite simply I'm looking here for caucasian woman with a pulse weighing under 150lbs.*

No teeth?  No problem.  Brain dead?  Hey as long as your heart is beating, that's fine.  You just have to be white, thin and and breathing.  Even shallow breaths are fine. 

Ladies your Prince awaits.  The line forms to the right. 


* Pulses don't weigh anything, but I'm not going to be the grammar police today.

Sometimes you have to wonder about what it is exactly people are thinking.  Take the following on a profile that has nothing else on it but the absolute basics:

????You will address me as Sir, Top, Dom, Lord or Master.  All other emails will be ignored.

This is on a profile with the name SirTopDomLrdMstr.  I looked at the profile because I was thinking, "ok here's someone with a sense of humor".  No.  Here's someone with an exaggerated sense of himself and little understanding of the lifestyle. 

It's not that I don't understand protocol.  Addressing someone who ids themselves as a Dom as Sir, is polite.  Expecting someone who has never exchanged a single email with you to call you Lord or Master is showing you have little experience, but probably an interesting fantasy life.  And I don't mean interesting in a positive way.

Do you think he is checking his email daily and wondering why he isn't getting tons of emails?  The sad part is that I'm tempted to reply just to find out more about this "Dom".  It would be mean though.  We have to rise above having a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Note 10/19  The guy changed his profile and said it was "tongue in cheek".  Surrrreee it was.  I wonder how many people called him out before he changed it!

W/we all know that finding the right person even for play is no easy thing.  Yet, I can't help wondering about people who contact me from Virginia, or New Hampshire or really anywhere more than 2 hours away.

There isn't any relocation in my near future and nothing on my profile to suggest there might be. 

Now, that being said - it makes sense if you live in the middle of South Podunk that you may have to be willing to relocate to find what you want.  Or hope you can find someone who wants to move to the middle of nowhere.

But why are people from NYC or Connecticut contacting me?  Have the exhausted the huge pool of possible subs in their area?  That certainly doesn't speak well of them.  Yes, that's judgmental. 

You could be handsome, sexy and one of the greatest Doms ever and I wouldn't drive 2 hours to play with you.  As unfair as it seems, it smells of desperation if you have to cast your Dommy net that wide.

Here's another entry about pics.  First impressions people!

When we sign on to CM the homepage comes up and there is the profile of someone who meets our search criteria.  Not everyone has pics which is fine.

There are those that do and a fair number of these get put under the heading "Psycho Pic".  I honestly don't think they are all psycho (though undoubtably there are a couple), but the pic they have chosen has wild eyes or some demented expression. 

Then there are the ones that come from a guy hitting his webcam and saying, "Hey how do I work this thing?"  You know the ones, some poor guy caught in the act of looking clueless and in the wrong direction. 

This is followed closely on the heels by someone taking the picture with a cell phone and ending up out of focus and at a weird angle.

Particularly amusing to me is the pic that is taken from about a mile away and out of focus.  What's the point? 

Beyond amusing and heading into ridiculous is the pic where the face is obscured.  Um, what's the point?

In the case of the last two examples, I just assume that the person is so ugly that ships use their face pics to keep the rats off the rope lines. 

If you are going to put up a profile pic for heaven's sake chose a recent one in which you look like yourself.  Not one with your head half covered by a hat, or the one your best friend took after a three day drinking binge.  Look at the camera, give us a smile (if you have teeth) and take off the sunglasses, bandanna, mask, wig, groucho nose (oh sorry, that's real?  oops) - speak (or in this case show) the truth and shame the devil!

Wow, they are coming out from under their rocks today!  All the spammy "Hi" and "How are you today" probably being sent to every sub in a 4 state radius.  That's probably being kind, it's more likely they are being sent worldwide.

Then an email from a local Dom that actually didn't bother with full sentences, said he was bored and ended with "yadda yadda yadda".  Wow, I can't wait to talk to you! 

Why is this such a hard concept?  Read a profile, send a polite email saying what you think.  At which point I will respond, also with a polite email.  Hence, a dialogue begins. 

The problem with trying to be cutesy or funny is that it will probably fall flat.  We haven't chatted or met, my inbox is full of the ridiculous and while you may be the funniest guy on earth chances are it's not going to come across in that first email.

That being said, we have a winner of the week for silly emails.  Just got this one:

when u had an orgasm last?

Hmmm, I am not sure.  when u had social skills last?

If you can't be bothered to take a minute to look at my profile and send me an email that reflects you've taken that time - you need to move on to the next profile.

Someone needs to send me an email and tell me why it would be wrong to respond to emails that just say "hi" or emails that are just plain stupid ("Do you dream in color?") with a question regarding the sobriety or the IQ of the sender.

There's no doubt it is good practice for helping to maintain a civil and submissive manner. 

As time goes on that is becoming less and less appealing.  See, this is why I need a Dom!  If there is not going to be any retribution for my bad behavior, it is tempting to just let it rip.

Ok, so it turns out there is something worse than the fakes and wannabes that inhabit CM and disappear when verification can no longer be avoided.  Yes, as hard as that might be to believe!

How about a fake and a wannabe that actually MEETS YOU IN PERSON?  I'd read the profile, exchanged pics, and chatted a bit moving quickly toward a meet.

So today we had the meet.  He'd lied on his profile about his physical appearance.  And the pic he sent wasn't him.  Or it was 20 years old.  It's mind boggling!

Did he not think I'd notice he was at least 3 inches shorter than claimed on his profile?  Did he really not think looking completely different from a picture would go unnoticed?

I have a number of other questions.  In no particular order:  What exactly did he think would happen when I met him and realized he was a liar?  Did he think there was something about him that would make me overlook such blatant dishonesty?  Or perhaps he thought I'd be too stupid to notice?  Why would a Dom (or anyone for that matter) want someone so weak or so dumb? 

Ok, I've answered my own question there.  The only Dom who would want someone like that is exactly the kind of person who would lie about their appearance to someone they are about to meet.  They need someone that weak or that dumb because they couldn't control anyone else.

This would be a lot more amusing if I hadn't taken time out of my day to meet with this imbecile.  Nevertheless it is somewhat amusing because I have this picture in my head of this guy sitting at his desk, rubbing his hands together, and muttering, "Bwahaha she'll never notice my amazing slieght of hand". 

Let's face it we see a lot of bad grammar, typos and creative spelling on the internet.  Usually I just shake my head.

Today I saw a new profile with a Dom claiming to have years of experience but spelling "alpha" completely wrong. 

He obviously is a sadist when it comes to the English language.  He really has a thing for torturing apostrophes. 

It's one thing to want to torture a slave, but to try for an entire language (presumbably your first) is an ambitious undertaking. 

Maybe he can find a subbie English teacher.  He wouldn't have to lift a hand to punish her - just write a quick note.

It's Sunday morning so I guess having a few drinks with breakfast might be acceptable.  Here's today's email straight to you from the WTF files:

"Assume the position"

That's it.  Not a single word more, that's the entire email.  Too many mimosas at brunch?  An attempt at wit perhaps?  It's hard to say because, let's face it - it's not funny.   And there are a share of wannabe Doms here who actually think giving an order to a sub they have never had any communication with will send that sub into fantastic realms of ectasy. 

Who knows, maybe there are subs who would respond to that and it's just me.  Having a cock doesn't automatically make a man dominant to me.  Identifying yourself as a Dom will certainly bring respectful responses.  That's my training, assume that someone is worthy of respect unless they prove themselves otherwise. 

So i'm supposed to "assume the position"?  Ok, my position is that you are sitting in your parents basement eating Hohos and drinking Diet Coke while trolling collarme hoping for some masturbation material.  Ok, now that picture is gonna be stuck in my head all day.

It really does escape me why someone who says they are seeking a sub can't take 5 minutes to read a profile and send an email that says, "I read your profile, it seems we share an interest in ______" or "Your journal entry about _____ grabbed my attention".

Enjoy your Sunday, make sure that at some point today you assume the position.  That's an order!

Doing a search and seeing profiles is always interesting.  I don't usually comment on any specific ones in my journal.  They are what others want to present to the world and they haven't contacted me, so it seems a bit presumptuous to point out an individual.

You know there's a "but" coming, right?  It's too funny to let pass.  Now if you've read my journal then you know I have no prob playing with anyone who is married if the wife knows about it.  Soooo......

Married guy looking for a sub.  Says up front that his wife doesn't know he plays and subs shouldn't use the "cop out" that because he lies to her he would lie to the sub.

I was drinking soda when reading that and laughed so hard the soda came out of my nose. Dude, seriously?  You are a liar and a cheat, but if I wouldn't trust you there's something wrong with my thinking????????

Um, ok.   The depth of the denial, the number of rationalizatons, the shear ridiculousness of these guys is mind boggling. 

To go a step further (and this is mean) - even if you wouldn't lie to your sub, you are afraid of your wife.  You're not a Dom, you're a wimp.  Can I get an amen up in here?

I feel the need to update my original journal entry.

Why is it that people start a profile and leave it essentially blank?  Or send an email that says, "how are you?" or "hello" and nothing else.  That's it and a peek at the profile reveals nothing.  Why would anyone expect a response to that? 

You've had the opportunity to read my profile, what about it interests you or what about it makes you think you would be interesting to me? 

On the other hand I love getting those cheesy emails that attempt to order me to do something.  "you will write Me now"  "you will send your phone # by 5pm" and my particular favorite - "you will respond to Me immediately upon receiving this email and tell Me why you should serve Me"  They always make me laugh. 

Are there subs that respond to that?  While I will be polite and respectful to those who identify themselves Dom/me - you aren't my Dom and you don't get to give me orders.

I have no problem playing with someone who is in a LT relationship as long as EVERYONE knows about the play.  It's kinda shocking how many emails I get from married men who wives DON'T know they play. 

The basis for any relationship in this lifestyle is trust.  There is no reason for me to trust someone who is lying to the most significant person in their life.

And let's face it, there is no possible reason for me to cede control in my life to someone so obviously not in control of their own.

Updated on 8/21  -  I'm still getting contacted by people in relationships in which they aren't telling their significant other about their play.  Rationalize it however you like - there's no interest on my part in being your dirty little secret.