misanthropicdom

"Know how sublime a thing it is to suffer and be strong." -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, apparently talking to his sub.

Kinky bastard.

Existential Humor for Today

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a small café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.

He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

So I got an image takedown notice from the mods this week. They said someone had complained about copyright, and two images had been removed from my profile.

I found the whole thing a bit strange until I started to think about what the 'offending' images were, and realized that one was Jon Stewart of The Daily Show mocking organized religion, and the other was a cartoon about a Muppet mocking anti-gay sentiment.

Then it all began to make sense. Some gutless dickless right wing moron took offense, and, as is their wont, didn't have the balls to confront me directly but went running to 'mommy' to take the pictures down.

I would have imagined the people on this site would have more tolerance for different points of view about sex and religion, but in the end, a mindless putz is a mindless putz.

Oh, and to the mindless putz: Your mom prefers the flogger with the deerskin strands.

If I read one more sub's profile with quotes from Anaïs Nin or that stupid worthless cunt and felliatrix for the wealthy Ayn Rand, I'm going to puke.

Try to be at least a little original. Don't copy stuff from other subs' profiles - the men reading yours have more than likely read theirs as well, and if you all sound the same, it's boring.

Men like to see a page about you, not something that looks like a unicorn vomited a bucket of Skittles.

At least pretend you're sane initially - we'll find out soon enough if you're bat-shit crazy.

NO MEN! NO MEN! NO MEN!

If that's at the top of your description, ladies, do everyone a favor and identify as a lesbian in your profile so you can be excluded from searches, and stop fucking wasting everyone's time.

Thank you. Now back to our regular programming.

Talk about kinky...

From this week's Harper's Weekly:

"The practice of sexualized eyeball licking was causing conjunctivitis in Japanese sixth graders. "I got some weird offshoot of TB in my eye once," said oculolinctus enthusiast Elektrika Energias. "Nobody really knows why."

"Oculolinctus enthusiast"?

Fucking seriously?

I thought the Japanese men buying hermetically sealed used women's panties from vending machines in the subway was kinda out there, but this...

A riddle:

What's the difference between Shari Lewis' puppet Lambchop and Kim Kardashian?

You can only get three fingers into Lambchop.

"I am looking for a dominate man"

Today, a short lesson on grammar, because some of you subs are driving me fucking batty.

Dominate:  "Dominate" is a verb. It denotes action: "I dominate my slut, make her do as I please."

Dominant:  "Dominant" is an adjective or a noun. As an adjective, it describes a person or thing: "I am a strong, dominant man." As a noun, it denotes a type "I am a Dominant."

Submit:  "Submit" is a verb. It denotes action: "I submit only to strong, dominant men."

Submissive:  "Submissive" is an adjective or a noun. As an adjective it describes a person or thing: "I am a submissive woman." As a noun, it denotes a type: "I am a submissive."

If you are a submissive looking for a dominant, and you write:

"I am looking for a dominate man."

it is the equivalent of saying

"I am a submit."

And yes, it really is important to get it right. Just because I know what you meant doesn't mean I'm not snickering at your room temperature IQ.

Why women wear high heels, and why men find them alluring:

-Putting on heels throws off the body balance, pitching it slightly forward.

-As a result, the woman has to lean slightly back and push her shoulders back to regain body balance.

-This action then causes her to slightly arch her back and thrust out her pelvis and tits to bring herself back into balance.

-As a result of her pelvis and tits being pushed forward toward the observer, the classic biological reproductive pose suggesting both availability and fertility to the male lizard brain is achieved. So most men love the way a woman looks in high heels.

That's the physics, biology, and psychology of it.

The rest of it is this:

-As every woman knows, stilettos are remarkably useful for putting her ass on a pedestal, especially if she has a decent ass to begin with.

-The way a pair of stilettos affect the shape and curve of a woman's calves and thighs can't be replicated any other way.

A good pair of heels make a woman look remarkably sexy no matter what else she's wearing. Most women know this, which is why many would rather buy a good pair of heels than food.

A little philosophical humor:

Q: Why was Albert Camus thrown out of the massage parlor?

A: He asked for an unhappy ending.

So the Supremes have agreed to hear a gay marriage case.

Seems to me gay people are entitled to same misery and boredom that marriage brings as straight people are.

Gay marriage and marijuana were being legalized on the same day: November 6th, 2012.

Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination...they shall be stoned."

So apparently, the bible thumpers have been interpreting it wrong all along.

Ladies, if you're not a true submissive, if you don't feel it in your heart, if your need to serve and obey is not very near the top of your list, if you're looking for negotiated kinky sex because you're bored with fumbling vanilla men who couldn't find your g-spot with a miner's light and a map, tell the truth and identify yourself as a "bottom" looking for a "top" in your profile. Don't pretend you're a submissive, save everyone a lot of time and grief.

Gentlemen, if you're not a true Dominant, if you don't feel it in your heart, if your need to control and desire for obedience is not imprinted on your DNA, if the sub's well-being is not very near the top of your priorities list, if you're here because you're borderline abusive, or looking for revenge on all the chicks who blew you off in school, identify yourself as a "top" and don't pretend you're a Dom, save everyone a lot of time and grief.

It's not that difficult to be a lot more straightforward and a lot less annoying.

Yes, I know the description in my profile sounds exactly like your ex-husband or last Dom.

But I'm smarter, and better looking, and a much better kisser, and know a lot more about what a sub needs than he ever did.