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| Public scene people in Sydney/Melbourne will know me, but I'm not the public person I used to be. I've found greater joy in the quieter side of things.
About me:
I'm a curvy and cuddly woman, in her 40's.
I'm a professional person by day, with a love of photography, 4wdriving, camping, traveling, music, nature, writing novels & laughing with abandon.
I've been described as: intelligent, passionate, loyal, educated, independent, sensuous, well mannered, cultured, adventurous, compassionate and gentle.
My life doesn't revolve around BDSM but rather, it’s the wickedly exciting icing on my cake.
I enjoy articulate, humourous people who are willing to get to know the person I am before they look at the label, as I will do the same. I enjoy the company of people who are emotionally competent & have a healthy thirst for life.
I've been around publically for many years but have been exploring BDSM for about 20 odd years. My limits are negotiated dependant on who contacts me but as I am not a Dominant's mother, cook, cleaner, washer, secertary or cock holder 24/7 you get the idea. Such things when offered are done because love flows, not as given expectations. I'm an erotic submissive, who doesn't mind a bit of pain. I like to enjoy myself the same way my partner would by exploring mutual pleasure for us both.
I'm looking for a Dom/me who doesn't dominate from fear, insecurity or egotism. I respect strong and capable Dominants who are emotionally together and not afraid to stand next to someone who is their sexual submissive.
If that sounds like you, please drop me a line :)
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Well yes its been a while - computer issues denied me net access for months - lol
Still looking for a gentleman Dom, someone who likes a laugh, who is sane and not obsessed by the scene 24/7. Someone who wants a balanced life. A soft easy flow of respectful D/s tinged with adventure and fun.
It's a struggle to find someone who is interested in meeting real life to explore such things.
I wonder why. |
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So a dominant of a poly couple contacts me. In the past I have had distastful experiences with his submissive (prior to him) both on lists and at parties. So I tell him this politely, that I'm not interested but I wish them well in their move to the Gong and hope the enjoy living down here.
His reply was as astounding as it was rude. And I quote:
There is NOTHING distastful with whom you cant even remember of a name.
Like are you dumb or what?
You disgust me.
You jumped on a bandwagon that did not even belong to you.
Take care and save your lil fingertips a reply.
If I MAY be blunt
FO
WTF indeed! I'd always thought this man to be a reasonably nice person in the scene.
Till now.
My how people's true colours come out when they are refused.
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Talking with some kinkster friends from the old days, made me think
about how much the scene has changed to the point where the fun has
gone from a lot of it.
I remember the fun days when subbies were allowed to be cheeky and
Dominants had a dry humour in their play. Lately all the Dominants who
contact me are so serious and so demanding of making the interaction
between you both all about them, that its infuriating. Small shared
moments of hummour are met with stoney walls of silence followed by
comments on your poor behaviour. I didn't realise I couldn't be myself
in this dynamic is my reply.
Because who can be bothered being totally subby like that 24/7. How
do you find room for your own expression of your personality, feelings,
attitudes and humour, amongst the constant role playing? Even at
parties now, everyone is so into being the role that judgements are
made on the performance - lol
Remember when parties were social? Before the play became so serious
and extreme, when parties were about hanging around with like minded
people sharing a drink and a laugh, a shared journey perhaps, followed
by play that was sweet sometimes, fun or erotic in its D/s dynamic.
Over the last few years the parties I went to were all about extreme
play and swinging.
And lets talk about the infiltration of swingers into the scene. Not
that there's anything wrong with that if they're kinky, but being kinky
doesn't make you a swinger or vice versa. Yet so many Dominants lately
are purely swinger types looking for easy cheap sex.
And lets talk about the lists. They are dying slowly. People too
scared to post anything because they get shot down by the usual
suspects. The death of the lists (except for those here on ) are
a loss that reflects more about ourselves and our intolerance for the
plethora of ways people express their kink, different to our own. A sad
indictment indeed.
Reminicing with friends this week has reminded me that a lot of the fun is missing from it all today. And that's saddening.
It's time to give fun its place amongst us all again.
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My god, a wind blows through here like a summer westerly. A warm breath upon the skin, no fear of being cold.
And my cravings rise as easily as my desire intensifies.
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Sometimes it screams loudly for fulfillment
Baying at you with its constant pounding
Awakening every pore, teasing every nerve
Blinding you with its demand to be sated
And all you can so is surrender
Dionysus visited me last night in my dreams and what dreams they were....
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Ah the joy of letting go of the past and smiling ahead with a clean, bright and fresh future.
What I've learnt of myself lately is that like a a snail that's been poked, I withdraw when people start laying in to me as recently happened. I'm not a fighter. I sit back and stay silent and let their words flow over me like a string of barbed wire, spikey, viscious and with seasoned malcontent.
I don't rage anymore. I can't be bothered raging against ill manners and truth distortions.
There is an agenda at play, there is always an agenda at play and my only words of advice for those involved is "don't be the bullets someone else wants to fire."
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Where are the thinkers gone? People who have intelligent opinions and respect for their thoughts.
I miss the intellectualisation of WIIWD. The spirituality connected with it, the self respect and sense of worth that underpins it all.
And I miss the people who respond well to that.
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Sometimes you have to give time.
Its not always easy to do but by giving it, you hope that things settle, circles rejoin and the joyful cycles begin again.
I've learnt to give time, though my greediness fights me and my desire for control overwhelms me.
I have learnt that I hate intellectual powerlessness. As one wields power over me, passive in its application but aggressive in its insistence, I am reminded of the arrogence it takes to do that. To spout forth power over those who already have none. Women are strange creatures like that.
I smile. I will give it time. In choosing silence I reclaim my power back. What is said usually says more about the speaker than they realise.
Adn that goes for myself as well.
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A little sad tonight. I wasn't before but now I am. The cycles of life continue an I roam around its circles and patterns oftentimes wondering how I got here again.
Nilla men just don't have that spark that inspires me and draws out luscious desires that so easily can be made real, and the kink men I meet want what isn't me, what I offer or how I express myself. Rather they want something else, something manufactorered by a thousand nameless people on the net.
Finding someone to match your desires and needs like that is a hard thing, and you start to doubt yourself again as you turn around the same corner you walked only a few weeks back still asking when...when is it your time. |
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And so the journey continues....
I am learning slowly that I am not what most seek in a submissive. It's been a hard reality to face but sans gushing and whoring myself openly to people I rarely know, it seems I am destined to be solo in this adventure.
Perhaps its because many see submission as something I have to give rather than something I want to share. That it is a drive within me and I cannot help but fall on my knees to any Dom/me because that is the natural state of the submissive.
But its not. The dynamic between Dom/me and sub is a circle of equal yet unequal power. Both hold it in the relationship, although it ebbs and flows between you as you move through daily life.
Submission isn't about powerlessness. Domination isn't about total powerfulness.
And so I'm not a helpless person. I'm an intelligent, emotionally mature person. I am not a doormat lacking control and discipline of my sexual urges. Nor a whore who lives and breaths for cock at the exclusion of her own pleasures. I'm a confident woman who knows exactly what rocks her boat and simply hopes to find someone who shares that passion.
But where is the motivation...........
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Cam whores.
Why do I get so many emails demanding I cam whore myself for unknown people who lives on the other side of the planet, who pursue even though they haven't read my profile. Why do they not wish to actually talk first and find out if our likes and dislikes match up, if we feel a connection, a reason to pursue things? And why am I the bad the person for telling them to stop wasting my time?
When did submission become about blindly doing whatever some 10 minute Master on the internet says?
Sadly most of them are young men in their twenties. What does that say for them? How they perceive submission? How they see women? The objectification they are subscribing to?
Because you can objectify a submissive just as easily as you objectify a person based on gender or sexuality.
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There's a calmness that prevails when you surrender to the nature of reality. Awareness gives you such insight and allows you to direct energies in more appropriate flows, even if that is towards self.
I am wearing this calmness now and enjoying the warmth it gives me. Like a favourite coat it slips easily on my shoulders and layers me in a protective mantle of serenity and centerdness.
Learning that just because you belong to a scene doesn't mean you must automatically accept people anymore than you would a vanilla person who comes your way. Strange how this causes great concern for others. But for me, its about attracting and keeping the right people near you.
I am picky with my nilla friends, why would I be any different to scene people?
Why would you?
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Someone has me all hot and bothered here - in a nice way ; )
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Hmm cock shots [disturbing really].
Not the best way to introduce yourself to me.
Try having a conversation, reading my profile (shock horror that sounds like hard work). Try making me laugh, show that we have some common interests.
But sending me a cock shot ...... doesn't impress me at all. I like to judge men on totality of the person, not the size of their dick.
So if that's all you can offer .... let me open the exit door for you.
Feeling a tad norti today, can you tell lol.
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Human journeys are strange experiences. They often come out of nowhere and jump into your life with an unexpectedness that brings you great moments to smile and share. But too often they leave just as unexpectedly.
I find that I'm weary of those journeys always creeping into my life, lasting fleetingly and leaving just as easily.
I expect my reactions are not what is wanted in order for the journey to extend beyond a small but pleasurable amount of time.
Perhaps, the journey that others are seeking is not for me, although aligned to me by the very nature of being here.
Breathe girl.... the main journey never ends.
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And so its Valentines Day.
The next person I'm with is going to remember and appreciate what the day means.
For me, its a day of respecting the love you feel for lover, family and friends.For fur kids, pets and nature. Love comes in so many guises that today is a day of enjoying that love with abandon, of reminding yourself out of the day to day push of life, that love, love is the greatest thing of all. And the power it can give you indescribable.
And love of self, maybe it's the greatest love, because its the hardest to nurture and bear.
What does any of this mush (and I like mush) have to do with BDSM - jack - lol. But you know what, a balanced person knows that love within a BDSM context is essential to the relationship surviving. The depth and clarity of it changes, for sure, but for me, the love has to be there.
Communication, respect, compassion and laughter are some of the stones along the journey that I happily stand upon as I walk towards love. BDSM is just one of those stones.
And today is a day for reminding ourselves of the stones that are lined along our journeys, how they got there and by whom.
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ROTFL!!!!
Dom's who must have the last word when you tell them you're not interested. Talk about needing the power trip.
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And so the scene changes again. Have been reading profiles stating exact physical requirements for female submissives such as age, weight, curviture of body, breast size, hair colour and shoe size for god's sake - lol.
And I want to understand this new criteria. These restrictions placed on a women before she even responds to the profile. It's all there in black and white, what she must be in order to respond to the profiler. It's no wonder these same Dominants lament the lack of replies they recieve. Who wants to meet up with someone who has such exacting requirements of you before even meeting you?
And what on earth does having the right shoe size have to do with being a submissive? LOL Surely these Dominants know that submission is a tad more cerebral than simply having the right physical attributes and being a slut gagging for cock 24/7?
Or maybe they don't. I even think my profile is too specific in my requirements for a Dominant. But at least it relates to the person within and the way they Dominate, rather than their cock size and physical attractiveness or genetic visage ; )
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Oh how I love seeing in a profile "I am a true Dom" - god love ya. What is a true Dom; by what standard is one judged as a "true Dom" it's as stupid a thing to say as "I'm a true sub."
Surely the trueness of ones expression of kink can only be judged by the receiver or partner in the relationship? If that partner thinks what you do is "true" for them surely that's all that matters.
I would much rather see in profiles "I wish to develop into a true Dom/sub for the person I interact with."
Learning in D/S relationships happens to both parties and to stick to a definition of "true-ness" prior to meeting someone or interacting with them, reeks to me of fundamentalism.
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Leopards never change thier spots do they - just their nicks ; )
It doesn't matter what you call yourself my dear, or how you justify the blanket emails you send to thousands of girls on this site, you are a troll.
PS. If you want ot create new personas on here try using a different user pic so it's harder for us all to put 2 and 2 together.
Yea gods how stupid do people think we are?
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Have become victim (me, oh no, never) of actually believing what is written in profiles. Not in a too niave way, but when you say looks are not important, then I expect you to be a person who is willing to look at someone as a complete person, not just with a hedonistically lustful eye. Sadly, that hasn't been the case recently.
"Don't worry I will train you to be the svelte slave you should be." But your profile says [see above]
Um, sorry but no dude. You're not seeing me at all, all your seeing is the fantasy image of what you want a submissive to be, not the inner woman at all. And I can tell you, she is pretty damn special.
There is so much more to submission than just the physical appearance and if you think that's a major part of a good D/s dynamic then you are sadly mistaken and perhaps a little too inexperienced for me.
*winks*
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A lot of very inexperienced or young people in the scene have a habit of being....
They are so enthused, so hedonistic, so in awe of their own experiences that on one hand it's incredibly sweet & energising to watch as they move through the journey, but for others it's just a train wreck waiting to happen.
I've been doing BDSM for about 20 years now & you get to see it all. The passionate euphoria of experiencing it for the first time or giving it life, then the plataeux when you consolidate what you like/dislike, the drop afterwards when you realise it's not the 24/7 dream you wish it was, followed by the spiral into questioning & self-doubt, finally to rise again when the dust settles, more mature and with a holistic understanding of it all.
Unfortunately a lot of young people (not all obviously), are so narcisistic and shallow that they'll never move past their own need for self gratification in the scene. I guess so long as they meet up with others who are into their own self gratification, it should be a match in heaven right? But people change and grow with age, our likes & dislikes change as we're challenged & meet new people. What happens to the narcisistic enjoyments then?
Watching a young person recently, who presents as rude and hedonistic, who writes as the young often do, all about them and their inexperienced & shallow views on the world, trashing others in their wake for being different makes for a sad representation of the young people in our scene.
One can only hope this person grows into a person of quality through their experiences in the scene and isn't the crash and burn type of young person that often comes around. Here's hoping they can harness their energy and use it to create character in a positive way, rather than the trail of brattiness we're seeing.
Mr Shaw said it best: "Youth is wasted on the young."
But I know there are some great young people out there; ones who are learning and revelling in their learning, rather than pompously espousing their newfound power through catty remarks, self promotion & hedonistic adventures.
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I've developed a growing fascination for extreme restriction and packaging of late. The idea of floating in a vaccum of nothingness whilst all body movement is restricted has become quite appealing.
I've done this sort of thing before of course, but of late I've noticed that a lot of things I used to love passionately are coming back to me.
I've been reading about the idea of packaging someone, in boxes, crates, suitcases etc and the whole Gordesque type of restriction that goes with that. It's something I've experimeted with in the past but I think it's something I'd like to explore further.
The idea of being a surprise package for someone, delivered and opened as a present or a toy for use, without control or the ability to protest, might just make for some good fantasies over the weekend.
Well at least it's good writing fodder for me ;)
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Thanks everyone who responded to my blog post. Nice to know there are Dominants out there who don't subscribe to what I spoke about.
After speaking to a dear friend last night about it, we've decided that there's a lot of people find intelligence in a submissive as something abberant. As if the power exchange benefits the Dominant as being on top and the submissive's power in someway diminished.
I don't believe that's so.
I believe that both hold equal amounts of power, it's just expressed in different ways. One is no better than the other, nor more superior. Both hold equal importance.
They're just moves in the same dance.
(C) 2007 Midnightsun
From : Submission in the 21st century currently in editing
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Why is it so hard for women who are strong to be considered submissive? Is it because a lot of male Dom's are looking for replacement mothers, women who will serve them, clean their houses, wash their clothes, cook their food, be "horny and ready for sex 24/7" - what a joke.
I'm probably more desirous of sex than most women yet even I know, 24/7 is just not reality.
I notice an increasing push towards service submission as a requirementment of being "a real submissive", again, what a joke.
A "real submissive" is everything she desires to be to the person she respects. There are no rules or generalised requirements of what that submission should be, except that it should be exactly what both people involved in the exchange want it to be.
So why do so many people demand you follow the "rules of submission"? I don't see anywhere where it's writen that submissives must clean house, cook all meals, do all washing etc. Where they have to be quiet, compliant, obediant 24/7, to follow his rules at all times without question? To allow him to what he wants and pleases whenever he wants regardless of the cost to you, your relationship, your work, your family?
Can someone please show me where it's written? Because after so long being a submissive, I'm obviously doing it wrong *winks*
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