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Female Submissive, 46
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About Meturmatch2007
This is the lifestyle I was made for, the one I belong to. It welcomes me, caresses me and brings me to life.
I am submissive and I've known this since the age of 12. I, at the time, did not know/understand all that this entailed. So I hid this part of myself from the world, and perhaps myself for a time.
I grew up to be an intelligent, assertive, out-going, out-spoken, rather stubborn woman. Somehow, I kept finding myself in leading roles. Since I love a challenge and I'm highly competitive, I accepted these roles, and succeeded in all. I believe no matter what you do, that you should always strive to be the best and to take pride in anything that you've done.
It wasn't me. It wasn't who I am.
I still do not claim to know everything about the BDSM lifestyle or my submissiveness. I do know that when I find someone worthy/deserving of my submission and I surrender to their control I become complete. It releases me from the walls I've built around myself. I come to life.
It is not my body that needs to be conquered/controlled, because the flesh can betray me. It is not my heart that needs to be won, for it is weak and can be betrayed. It is my mind you must find your way into, my mentality you must unravel. This is the challenge. Succeed in this, and the heart, body and soul will follow.
I am 45 years old and i've only met my match once. However, due to irreconcilable differences that relationship has ended. I do hope he was not the only match out there for me.
Right now, I am trying to pick up the pieces and put me and my life back together again. Hopefully, I will pick up a few good friends along the way. If you seek or expect more than this I'm not the one to look to at this time.
If you don't read the book you're holding, how do you ever expect to know/understand what's inside of it???
I don't answer to wannabees or those that immediately assume they deserve my respect. This is no game to me, I am real and looking for the same.
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MAN IN THE SHADOWS?
I can feel your presence,
It reaches across time and space.
My heart sings, my soul hums,
As your fingers caress my face.
Your voice whispers so softly,
Inside of my mind.
Where all my resolve melts,
For only you to find.
I walk tall and proud now,
My head up and shoulders back.
Your shadow stands behind me,
Giving me what strength I lack.
My heart, mind and soul,
I freely give to thee.
The Man in the shadows,
As you stand over me.
Meturmatch2007
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ATTENTION: PLEASE READ ENTIRE PROFILE AS WELL AS BLOGS BEFORE SENDING MAIL... ? ? ?? I apologize first off for the caps.
My mailbox has been bombarded and I've only been back 2 days. I am totally flattered and honored by all the responses to whatever it is about me and/or my profile that caught your attention. I've just re-read my profile and blogs. I did mention I had recently come out of a relationship and was trying to pick up the pieces and start over. I guess I should now mention that it was an 8 year old r/t bdsm relationship that has ended within the past month.
I seek friends, like-minded people, polite, intelligent conversation... support, discussions... a little time.
I do not wish to offend anyone, but I'm not jumping into anything and if that's what you are expecting ... go away. It just isn't going to happen at this time.
Thank everyone again for the replies, I needed a little esteem builder and you've all done that for me, but I sincerely do not wish to give the wrong impressions or mislead anyone.
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The question of what I seek? It is a question that I think about on a regular basis. I seek the One who can take me as I am, improve upon my strengths, strengthen my weaknesses. Take away my fears. Make me feel safe, secure...serene. The One who can teach me my place, making me love every minute of it too.
The One who can correct me with patience, and in all the RIGHT ways. The One that can take ALL that is within me and make it better. The Master that can take the strength within me as His own, and release the true submissive which lies beneath.
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I was recently asked what my wants, needs and desires were. Here is what I came up with:
?What do I want? I want it all. I want it all because that is what I am willing to give and I deserve no less than what I offer.
What do I need? I need to be free. Free to be my whole self. I need someone to accept all aspects of who I am. I need someone who is strong, confident, wise. Someone who knows what they want and exactly how to get it. Someone with patience, understanding, a sense of humor and a mischievious little twinkle in their eye to match my own.
What do I desire? I desire peace and contentment; security and comfort; overwhelming pride and satisfaction. I desire to be complete.
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I turned to the internet in the hopes of finding like-minded people. It represented a place where I could truly be myself. I looked forward to being understood and accepted. Someplace where I could learn and grow and no longer have to hide or disguise the submissive within me.
I wrote my profile honestly, openly and directly. The blogs I've listed are me/mine, the poems and ramblings are a direct insight into me. I am the same person online as I am offline. Actually, I am somewhat truer to myself online as that is one of the few places my submissiveness is exposed. I am polite, kind-hearted, respectful and considerate. I have my own type of sarcastic humor as well as a Don't take any BS attitude. In other words, ME...
Now,? however, I no longer know what to think. Somehow I have given the impression that I am easy, loose, or totally stupid. I am most certainly NOT any of those.
I'm beginning to believe I've looked at it all (including myself) completely wrong to begin with. Which of course leaves overwhelming questions that I no longer have any idea where to find the answers to. I have never jumped straight into any type of relationship. Trust and respect are not things I value so little as to give them freely or easily. I feel they are two things that have to be built upon and worked up to. It seems I have offended a few by not doing these very things. That was and is not my intention or purpose. I am a mother, a grandmother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend as well as a female scorpio submissive. If it's not possible to be all these things then help me understand why? How can you not be everything you are?
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