My name is Martyr! I'm a psych major, actually about to graduate by the end of the 2012 Spring semester. I'm looking for friends in this lifestyle who I could talk to and possibly hang out with. I'm also looking for someone who could mentor my Master and I in the lifestyle, since we're both rather inexperienced. I'm open to talking to basically anyone as long as you're respectful and are only looking for friends as well. I'm a musician at heart and love to play music for people. Really, I'm terrible at these. Feel free to message me if you'd like to get to know each other and become friends!
- Martyr
So, I've taken a liking to making masks, more specifically, Bioshock Splicer masks (currently only the rabbit ones). If anyone is interested in buying one, they're 45 dollars with 15 dollars for shipping (60 all together). I'm looking for a job currently, but need to find a way to make money in the mean time. I can make them in any color. Send me a message if you're interested and I can link you to my Etsy. <3
Ohai, I'm back. I updated my profile recently... I'm looking for a roommate in the Fullerton area. I refuse to live in my dorm for the Fall 2011 semester and on. Specifically looking for a female roommate. I don't have an apartment, so we would go apartment hunting together and find one that fit both of us. Must be open to having guests frequently (Master comes over all the time), preferably between the ages of 18-26 (although that is extremely flexible depending on how well we get along). There's some other shit, but I'm slightly drunk, so I won't go into it. I'm really desperate looking for a roommate here and I figured I'd throw a note out there so if anyone else is looking. Master should be calling soon (he said he'd call an hour and a half ago and still hasn't called, wtf, he does this all the damn fucking time), plus, I'm tired, so I'mma go. <3
Tootles.
... Holy hellian. I haven't been really around for a while and shit changed. Dayum... Anyway. Thank you for the kind messages wishing me luck with driving. I got my license over the summer and I'm proud to say I have yet to get into an accident or get a ticket. I plan on keeping it that way.
In other news, my birthday is tomorrow... I'll be 20 years old. Tomorrow, all my excuses are gone. I'll no longer be a teenager. Fuck. Haha. On the plus side, I'm 1 year older to being able to drink legally, so I'm ok with this. I got Fallout New Vegas for my birthday, which is awesome. I haven't played a lot of it yet, so I plan on doing that today. Master is doing SOOOMETHING for my birthday tomorrow, but he won't tell me what. When I ask him what we're doing he just responds with "I dunno"... So, either he's being coy or legit forgot. I'm hoping it's the latter. Either way... So, yeah. That's my life so far.
Bamf.
Bai, guise.
Woot, I'mma be driving soon. I don't have my license, but I've had my permit for a year and it expires July 16th. I've been really twitchy about getting my license because I'm kind of afraid of driving. But now, I'll have my license and my parents will get off my ass about it finally. ALSO, I'll be getting my dads car! I'll have a Toyota Avalon, which I absolutely love that car. The stereo gets really loud, the seats are comfy... I've driven it before and I loved it. Anyway, my first behind the wheel session is Tuesday. Wish me luck! <3
Is it THAT difficult to read my profile? REALLY!? It's not that bad. Honestly. I mention I have a Master already. That lets people know I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A MASTER. STOP ASKING ME. I'm just so fucking sick of people thinking they can proposition me for any reason. I love my Master dearly and WILL NOT leave him for you, no matter what you say or what promises you make. Seriously. Fucking stop.
OHAY GUISE. I WANT (insert meaningless item or service that costs an ass load of money here). SEND ME MONEY IN PAY PAL, K? LOLOLOLTHX.
... If people seriously fall for that shit, it's ridiculous. Like, sending your money to some Domme you don't know just so she can get something she doesn't need is fucking stupid. "Dommes" who do this are anything but. They're lazy little bitches who think that they can use this lifestyle to take advantage of peoples wallets. Fuck that noise.
People like you all piss me off. There is no such thing as a "Pro-Domme/Dom" online. That's called being too lazy to get a real job. Go get applications to some places. Even better, get a fucking college degree.
So, I've been having random conversations with Master in the car and we start talking about the lifestyle and how we play into it. Compared to most people, we're pretty tame. A bit of tying up here and there, a bit of some rough sex and stuff, all very well and good. One thing we came to an agreement on, which makes me very happy, is about how a sub should be treated... A sub should be treated like a human being, not like a doormat or a piece of shit. If they don't consent to having you yell and scream at them and calling them a bitch and saying that all they're good for is fucking, then don't. That can be extremely heartbreaking for someone to hear, especially if said sub is in love with their Dom. I told Master straight up that if he ever treats me like that when I have specifically told him that I will not accept being degraded, I will beat the ever-living-shit out of him and leave him. He's agreed to this and says he would never do such a thing. We both agreed that subs should be treated with respect, no matter who they are.
Also, something that bothers me is when subs refer to themselves in the third person and the whole capitalization thing comes in. Ok, I will lowercase sub and capitalize Dom just because that's how it works. I understand that, but when a sub denies rules of conventional writing by leaving the I lower case, talking about themselves in the third person (IE: this one is not worth of its Master) and generally degrading themselves... That's when I freak out and want to slap someone. Stop acting as though you're a worthless pile of shit. If you can't have some sort of validation in your life without a Master/Dom, then you really need to check your priorities.
And now, I listen to the Bioshock 2 soundtrack. I need a drink, I've had a rough day. Master is in Vegas with friends this weekend for one of their 21st birthdays and I'm stuck here alone dealing with a whole bunch of shit... My other childhood dog, Sammi, had to be put to sleep. She had the same problem that Tara had. Spleen cancer sucks in Golden Retrievers. RIP Sammi. You'll always be loved and missed, puppy. <3
Update tiem. I now am owned/collared by my amazing boyfriend/Master. He is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me and I love Him with all of my heart. <3
On top of that, I recently finished school for the semester. I FUCKING PASSED STATISTICS. I thought I was hopelessly doomed to fail, but no. I got a C. Yes. Happiness abound. Now, to finish unpacking from moving back to my parents after moving from the dorm. :3
So, my journal last night still remains, but... With a twist. He can die in a car fire and eat a dick. I'm done with his bullshit. *nod*
I'm listening to Steam Powered Giraffe. Amazing band, by the way. I highly suggest them... Anyway, I'm listening to SPG and just trying to think about stuff that's been on my mind. I'm still not over my ex, but I have this feeling he's completely over me, since he's posted online that he wants a new girlfriend. I'm kind of hurt. I know my best bet is to just move on, but it's difficult. I'm trying to move on. Key word is trying. I don't know exactly how to go about basically just dropping the fact he existed. He seems to have no desire to even be friends with me anymore. He's a douche but I know that I can't just forget his existence. He's been too big a part of my life. I suppose if I just leave him alone for a while, he may be more open to actually acting like a friend towards me. In the mean time, I need help. I need help getting over this all. I need someone to help me. It's painful to do this all alone... It's a really scary world. I just want to be able to be happy and not feel like I'm dreading the next day. I hate going to sleep alone at night, laying by myself and knowing that there's nothing I can do. It's painful. Ugh. I can't stand this shit anymore... I'm just angry and hurt. I'm just hoping that someone can help pull me out of this. The last person who I thought could help me ended up abandoning me and saying that he was so in love with his ex not even a day after telling me he loved me... Just my luck, I suppose. Wish me luck, guys... This is going to be a long process for me... <3
"It's easy to be angry at something
that you don't understand
And people tend to be stubborn with where they stand"
YAY MORE JOURNALS! Ok, so... I'm watching MTV because there's nothing else on and there's a show called "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" on... And I'm realizing it's a show that describes most of my dating life. Ha. Please, people. Don't be a douchebag. It's not flattering if you're just "me me me" all the time, expect everything for yourself while giving nothing in return. Really. Doms who think that "this is all about me and you're just a stupid slut for me to punish" aren't real Doms. They're people with mental issues who need to see a therapist. That is all.
<3 Martyr
a) I'd like to apologize for my last journal entry because my ex is a prick and I was drunk and not paying attention to what I was doing.
2) To all of the people who say "it would be nice to at least get a 'no thank you'." message instead of being ignored, you can thank those who CONTINUE to message even after that's said for people not even saying that. I, on numerous occasions, have had many a time where I've responded to a message saying "Thank you for taking the time to write me, but I'm not interested" and then I get numerous responses of "Why aren't you? You're just a bitch." etc and etc. You can thank those people who bitch after we try to be polite.
"I love you and I want to be with you but I don't think it'll work. I'm not willing to try and I don't think that will change."
... What the fuck sort of a cop out is this? Really? Is this your pussy ass way of asking me to leave you alone for the rest of my life? You tell me you still love me, want to be with me again and reminisce in our relationship past on Sunday and tonight, you turn into a complete and total fucking douche and tell me "I am done with trying and looking for love" (your words exactly). HEY, FUCKFACE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK! The person you say you love to death is right the fuck here. Imagine that!? She's telling you "I want you back" and you're hitting said opportunity with a bat until it's on the ground so you can curb stomp it. I will NEVER understand you. I'm telling you that I love you and want you back and you say the same. When the opportunity arises, you shoot me down and say that it's "for my own good". You aren't even willing to try. Really? I don't believe you anymore when you say you love me or want to be with me again. If you really did, you would be willing to try. You even said, verbatim "I want to try again" and then an hour later say "I'm not willing to try anymore"... You contradict yourself, fucker. Grow the fuck up and realize you're one bad word away from losing someone very close indefinitely, be it as a lover or a friend. It will be as though you never existed...
Fuck men (non-literally). Until one of them (within the age range of 20-24) can prove to me that they aren't total wastes of flesh, that's all they are to me...
And I am slightly drunk.
So... I was ridiculously nerdy... And I went LARPing for the first time ever yesterday. Oh. My. GOD. It was pretty fucking amazing. Not gunna lie, it was the most fun I've had in a while. I can't wait until the next game. I'll be throwing myself in front of the plot bus while screaming "HIT ME, DANMIT!". I actually just ordered some stuff for my costuming for it. Hehe. Nerdlyness abound~
ok... Marty is not my name. My name is Martyr. There is an R on the end. It is not a typo. That's seriously what it is. Don't fucking call me Marty. If you send me a message calling me Marty, it WILL be ignored because it shows that you don't care about making sure what you say is spelled correctly and generally don't pay attention to what you say.
tl;dr: DON'T. CALL. ME. MARTY. THERE IS AN R AT THE END. *ahem*
Random fact: Martyr has learned today not to try and help people who have no will to live, basically. Self loathing exes deserve no life coach help from me because it's all basically useless. Bah. Fuck it.
For those of you who send me chat requests: I'm not rejecting them just because I feel like being a bitch and don't want to talk. It's because my computer is kinda crappy and doesn't handle the CM chat well. Message me instead of a chat request and if I wanna talk, I'll give you my YIM/AIM. :D
What this weekend has taught me... I'm just going to stop fucking trying. It has yet to help me. FUCK.
Sooo... The shoot is off. My dog has cancer and I'm going to be looking after her soon... For now, I'm watching Deadliest Warrior... And it's Shaolin Monks VS Maoris... And it's AWESOME. Now, I'm off to do Science Fiction homework.
So, I may be doing my first bondage photoshoot soon! I'm excited. I'm also really nervous about it, so, we'll see what happens. :3
So, bored Martyr is bored... Anyone up to talk? I'll respond if it's actually intelligent and respects the fact that I'm a human being. Fun fact for life, sending a first message with "u will belong 2 me" or some other such nonsense is really tacky. Same with calling someone a whore, slut or some other sort of term when you first meet them. That's a bit contradictory to what you're trying to do usually. Eugh. Anyway, I'm just not feeling well and want someone to talk to. As long as you're intelligent and aren't an absolute creeper... So, message me? <3
So, I'm really angry with myself... I pulled a muscle in my right thigh during fencing on Monday, didn't realize it (thought it was just sore muscles), then ended up making it worse during fencing today... Now, I can't fence for at least a week. FML. I'm in so much pain right now, it's not even funny... And it isn't the good kind of pain, either.
So, I got a package in the mail today that made me really happy... I got my first pair of wrist cuffs! ^^ They're black leather with black fur lining (I believe it's faux fur). They're really comfortable, like, I would wear these on a daily basis. They're really pretty. :3 I got them from sub-shop.com for like, 15 bucks when they were originally like, 75. Kick ass deal. :3 I are a happy kitty.
I recently received a message from someone here on CM, who shall remain nameless, saying some things that I found humorous...
"Take your immature Dumbass back to my space with All the other lil kiddies where the Fuck U BELONG"
"U fucking DORK"
... I just copy/pasted that. That's what it said. This man is 48 years old and feels the need to talk down to me like this. Hmph. Calling me immature while using improper capitalization, cussing to get a point across and using "txt tlk"... Am I the only one who finds irony in this? I mean, yes, I cuss a lot and I'm not afraid to admit that, but really... This is just... Wow...
Please. Before you decide to insult me here, use proper grammar and speech and such. Make yourself look like less of an idiot, especially when you're nearly 30 years older than me and trying to tell me to "go back to myspace"... *sigh* Because profiles can only say so much. People are ignorant and stupid. Don't be an idiot like the 48 year old male with a superiority complex. Use your brain and be intelligent. That's all I ask and that's all society asks.
So... I recently downloaded the Assassin's Creed 2 soundtrack and have come to a realization... I can't get through it without tearing up. Hell, I can't get through the first 3 tracks. For those of you who aren't familiar with the soundtrack, it's fucking gorgeous. I recommend it for anyone and everyone to listen to it. I'm posting two links to two of the songs that are the ones that usually get me. In case you can't tell, I'm a really fuckin' big "music person".
Oh, one thing I kinda want to throw into the open... For those of you who read my profile, see my little disclaimer and decide to ignore it, I won't respond to your messages unless you actually seem like an intelligent human being who wants to just be friends. That means correct grammar, spelling and the like. I may be young, but I tend to not like "txt tlk". Use a "u" instead of typing out the damn word and I won't speak to you.
Anyway, I should be getting to bed, unfortunately. I have to be up at 6am for work. Fml.
YOUTUBE LINKS:
Earth- " target="_blank">
Ezio's Family- " target="_blank">
Rant time:
I currently hate Microsoft... Their website lies. The Xbox 360 does NOT automatically update from the USB drive. It does NOT. I saved it in the root, I saved it exactly the way it fucking said and it DID. NOT. WORK. I want my Shivering Isles, goddamnit. I can't update it from Live because I don't have that fuckin' little wireless network adapter bullshit or an ethernet port in my bedroom, it won't read from the USB port(EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS IT WILL AUTOMATICALLY START. Lies and slander) and I don't have a CD burner to make a boot CD since my parents computer is a bit fucked up (Dell decided to make their CD drives stop working after a year and a half) and I have a netbook (for those of you who are a bit technologically retarded, netbooks have no CD drive), and I left my external CD drive back at my dorm. GOFGEUOFERW RAGE. If anyone reads this and knows what the hell I'm talking about and knows a solution, help? Please? I want my Sheogorath fix. *sigh* My gaming is now a bit thrashed. Fack.
Ok, so... I've read a lot of shit on here of how people dislike people who are overweight, about how apparently they don't take pride in their appearance... So, here's the thing...
Many a time, a person is overweight because of their genes. It's not just someone saying "I feel like being fat" and eating constantly. It's far from. My personal thing is that I have PCOS (wiki it if you're that interested). Because of that, I have a RIDICULOUSLY hard time with my weight because my insulin levels are fucked. I may end up never having kids because of this fucking disease, but there's nothing I can do. That combined with my genetics (yes, people, it plays a huge fucking part), it's nearly impossible for me to lose weight. I run or bike a mile everyday and yet, nothing helps me. Just because someone has some meat on their bones doesn't mean they're unhealthy. Now, I'm not ridiculously overweight, mind you. I can actually touch my toes and such and walk up stairs without heaving over, but, the fact that I'm not a size 00 with DD tits makes me unattractive to most people and I CAN'T. FUCKING. STAND THAT. Real women have fucking curves. They have hips, a butt, breasts. They aren't a fucking stick.
So, to all those who think that overweight people just don't care about their appearance, sit around all day, eat and don't exercise, don't jump to hasty generalizations. That makes you really fucking ignorant. Compare a skinny bitch who eats constant junk food shit all the time and sits around to someone who's overweight who eats properly and exercises and you'll be surprised. Skinny =/= healthy. Get that out of your fucking skull, ignorant assholes.
For those of you who may or may not have listened to my audio entry, the sound got all sorts of fucked up. If you can actually make out what I'm saying, grats. I dunno what the hell happened. *shrug* Oh well. Maybe at some point I'll listen to it and type a transcript of it.
So... First journal entry. Whoo. I'm sitting in my friends apartment alone because him and his friend ran off somewhere. Ha. Now I'm bored, so... Figured I'd write something. I'm listening to the Taverns theme from World of Warcraft: Burning Crusades and I want my flute. It's so much fun to play this song but I can't. Ugh. I'm mostly really bored. I fell asleep while they were playing Starcraft, and woke up to a note on my friends computer screen saying "brb. left at 3:15"... And I'm hungry. Craving Denny's. I haven't eaten all day... Wait, I lied. I had some chips and a monster earlier. Ha... So... Yeah. WHOO! That cured my boredom for about a minute and a half... :D
