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On a Sunday, it must have now been seven years ago I stepped into a relationship that would forever change the course of my life. That relationship is over now, I'm married, happy with a homestead and a pile of animals but I would not be here without there so I still raise a glass. |
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I've been bouncing around all day singing a happy tune. You what to know why?
I had the best anal experience of my life last night. Daddy grabbed His girl and showed her who was Boss. Yum! |
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When I was a child, 4 to 6 yo, I used to play outside like many other children.
At the time I lived far away, so no context to the US.
I would play with everyone in the yard and there were many of us, sometimes 15.
But I was the only one that played with two girls that no one else would play with. Sometimes hiding because people suck, I knew that even then.
Where did that girl go? Or is it still me? |
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I wonder if Sir and I would enjoy finding like couples for social engagements. We share a small group of highly values friends but none in the scene. |
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Sir and I had such a pleasurable night, both of us came together in the rarest of forms and the session was so fulfilling.
Went to sleep on cloud 9 and floated through the garden all morning. |
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It's been well over a year since Sir chose me to be His (very inexperienced) sub.
Still inexperienced but I am starting to see who I am as a submissive. I also am starting to enjoy that about me more, way more comfortable in my own skin and this may not have anything to do with the D/s dynamic but I love Him endlessly.
I love until it hurts. When true love really does hit you, it's overwhelming, it's painful because of the need and the worry for Him at all times. I wouldn't give it up for anything, just reporting the news.
Happy Holidays! |
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I'm at a point in my journey into submission where I've come across repeated feelings or residual effects of my submission that likely warrant some attention to make my ride in smoother.
So in terms of emotional experience sharing, are there blogs, sites, groups out There? I just can't seem to want to connect on Fetlife. |
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We've been heads down working towards a Mutual goal right now. The fact that he's my Master never takes anything but the forefront of my mind but putting that to real practice with dedicated time to Our lifestyle is limited currently.
Makes me want Him more. |
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Daddy is taking His girl out tonight. ♡ |
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Daddy and I have had quite the beautiful fall so far. Very busy but in terms of bdsm, slow, easy submission. Slippery when wet. |
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Dinner with the girls tonight, corset dress courtesy of Sir. |
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We survived Irma swimmingly, kept power, no damage, in a wood frame home built in 1924 :D.
This was truly the first event of such a nature that I was with a man I felt had things in control. I felt in good hands with Sir, not delusional that nothing could happen, I was very aware of the danger we faced but I knew the Man I was with was making good decisions for us and I could stay in the passenger seat. What a feeling!! |
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Night out with Daddy. It was my birthday recently, also the anniversary of when we first me. ♡ |
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Heading into two birthday weekends. Dinner with Sir and my BFF tonight.
You know that warm feeling inside when you are content and looking forward to things. Yay! |
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In my current photo Sir and I made our second and best step out as a D/s couple. He put a large noose around my neck and I was His, without question or hesitation. That night made me realize just how natural being under His control really is.
The first event was a Power Exchange conference, we were so new then though, I know I did not know what it meant to belong to Someone.
Now, I have a better picture but I'm fairly certain there is more to understand. I guess that's what I've resolved to spend the rest of my private life understanding. |
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Life in the sad lane! Surely can you make you lose (or loose for those with vague recollection of chilhood grammar) your mind.
I'm wiser than I was six hours ago mainly because of the gracious nature of a friend that spent invaluable time listening to my torment.
I'm proud I let it out, gave me hope and strength. |
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Still working through my sadness. Dinner with a friend tonight surely will help, won't it? |
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I've fallen into an interesting but hard to handle depressive state the past two days. I've suffered from anxiety and depression since an early age but I swore to myself at 16 I would never medicate so I haven't. Looking back it was a fine decision.
However, this level of deep fall is new to me and just not pleasant. Leaves me to think, what would happen if I had sub drop. Could that get dangerous?
Oh, P.S. let me add, sceptical, critical thinking person with anxiety and depression. I feel like I got the spiked whip. |
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Still enjoying the summer ♡ |
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I never imagined that I'd get a Daddy like mine, further I never ever imagined He would end up being the Love of my life.
How did I get so lucky? How wonderful and exciting it is to finally live a full, complete life. Maybe more complete than some people get to ever realize. Anyway I'm not oblivious or ungrateful of the blessing that has been bestowed on me.
I see it tangiably, when We have out precious time together I can feel the completeness of it, I sense the urge to protect it and nurture it. |
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Daddy and I have been having a wonderful summer. He's very talented with His hands, one of my favorite activities when I have downtime is hanging around His home, catching up on books or studying while watching Him work His magic around the house.
In the evenings we cook, relax, enjoy each other. It's been pretty magical. |
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Anyone a latex bathing suit fan? Amazing to swim in. |
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Daddy's working late tonight, I guess it's me and Rose watching Youtube. |
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Waiting for Daddy to come home, even ten minutes past ETA and I worry.
Sometimes, when I get home I don't take the time to dress and prep, even when I know I should. The other sub in me, the care taker wants to make sure the food prep is done, laundry is in, everything is clean.......I let that girl drive in hopes I've made a good decision. Not tonight though. |
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My hardest challenge with submission has been the realist in me.
I'm a highly pragmatic individual, I was rarely a little girl even when I was little. My first time in Disneyland when I was 9 was a nightmare, I walked away calling it corporate bullshit and was pissed at my parents for pulling me out of spelling bee practice to go.
So, when I read passages like, you will spend a lot of time kneeling, staring at the floor, it's hard to swallow.
I've taken care of myself my whole adult life, I know I am ultimately responsible for myself. Idly staring at the floor for a busy and hungry woman, bound to a busy and hungry Man makes little sense.
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I've been reading up on the D/s lifestyle, protocol and such.
The text, while not obvious, does seem to be aimed at young people. I feel like I'm the new 13 year old immigrant child being sent to the third grade for reading lessons.
Is the intent in my heart even in a place to take on some of the more rigid aspects? Would Sir appreciate that? Am I a trainable? Lol. |
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Being a true tortured sub, a tiny insect came to drink a tear from my cheek and I panicked "don't drink that! you'll die of alcohol poisoning!" |
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Sir bought me the most amazing stockings from Wolford. Good Man!
The way they squeeze my hip fat and cheeks....sigh.
It's two stockings BTW, you have to Jenga that shit together yo!
Note to self: Stockings first, wine later. Being spoiled is complicated.
P.S. The model on the package of the stockings was *much* thinner lol, hip fat was not a point of discussion. |
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Some of my best times with Sir are Saturday nights. Nights where we both break free early and the focus is laser thin. Him on me, me on Him.
P.S. Sir purchased that corset. Such good taste. |
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My submission has been like a long forgotten trail in the woods. The path was unclear, I had no experience to blaze it, I got frustrated, scared, upset. I questioned my ability and the motivations of my Sir.
It's been 9 months now, We didn't give up, We worked through some intense bullshit mainly driven by me, boy do I know how to drive that bus.
I now see an incredibly beautiful and hard won victory right in front of Us. I honestly feel myself slipping into a certain peace, a level of servitude that comes from my heart, I feel my Sir's embrace as a place to run to rather than from, I look to him expectantly like what is next rather than with the cautious eye.
Kneel, breathe, let go and love with everything I have. |
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Lol, I notice that the young boys always come in for the ass pic. I know, it's all the rage now. :D |
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A WEEK without Sir. He comes home tonight. This was a level of separation anxiety I've not experienced.
We made it though. 😍 |
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I'm almost 44 now and look at the profile pic (as of 4/20/17). You have to pick and choose where you fuck the establishment. It does not have to be all at once or dramatic but it needs to have your signature. |
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I learned something new today, lucky me. I learned that there is such a thing as an alpha submissive. So now I have validation, a label and a glass of wine. Ergo I'm hot shit now and everything, watch the hell out. |
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Yet again on another forum someone asked what I've learned this week. My answer was clear, that my judgement of what my Master deems as important in not always accurate. Learning the hard way, per usual. |
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Reading an odd little book but one statements made me smile, "the important thing is to love." Yeah, I'd agree with that. |
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On another forum, someone asked how old do you have to be before you can really be considered part of the lifestyle. I think it's highly individual. For me, I had to wait till my 40's. I established myself and my life as an individual before I could submit. Now, no matter what else, I can always pick myself up because I allowed myself time to become very strong. Others may not need that. |
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When I get what I want from my Sir that is a treat, when I need what I need from Him that is a life raft.
Best as I can explain it. |
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Nice night at home, sipping rose, cooking mac n' cheese, listening to Jim Florentine, doing laundry.......shit that is a lot of crap. |
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Wartenberg wheel, it looks so innocent until it's grazing your freshly whipped ass or nipples.
I never imagined that would be my least favorite tool.
P.S. Mr. Wartenberg was kind of an asshole. |
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I've spent most of this past weekend getting my mind right with the help of my Sir.
Have you ever held something so precious and very so nervous of dropping it that you actually fumble it?
I'm working on not taking my gripper mitts off, no matter how hot they get.
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I really got blessed with a balance of brains, common sense, humor and beauty. It's just that by the time I realized it society's beating down of my self-esteem as a woman was done. So I do the best that I can. |
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Charging my Clairsonic and sex toy BEFORE they run out of juice *adulting* |
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My last relationship lasted exactly the same amount of days as it took me to get through an 850 gumballs box. *cry*
I posted that on a vanilla profile, someone actually responded, "I'd like to help you get that bigger box." Of course I proposed right away! Another stated, "I'd be willing to invest in a mega-size box."
Size queen!
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I saw someone online pose the question of, "To the subs, are you getting what you want from your Dom or what you need?"
My answer came swift: "When I got what I wanted from my Dom, that was a treat! When I got what I needed from my Dom, that was a life raft." |
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