marfre

     Today I was watching the hummingbirds on my deck. I have a multitude of flowering plants to attract the little guys. I?ve even added the fourth feeder to try to accommodate all the visiting birds this year. They fascinate me? and I've decided that they also mirror me. 

     At any given moment, the humming bird is hours away from starving. That empty frantic feeling is now mirrored in my own soul. I?m starving for life, and starving for that intangible that arrives when one least expects it. That spark reminds us we?re human. The spark that moves us to tears, to anger, or to rapture.  

     As the humming bird does to sustain itself in lean times, I?m in a torpor, living on a reduced heart rate and breath, waiting for the moment when I can take in a lung full of glorious air and beat my wings furiously again.

I read a thread on what is Dominate/submissive, and what is a Top/bottom. And, I guess I fit into all this in an unusual way. I am a dominate female in vanilla life that is a bottom in intimate situations.

In other words, as a person, I?m strong, aggressive, assertive, and controlling in almost all aspects of my life. I?m self-aware, self-reliant and self-supportive.  In a LTR, I do not want anyone to run every bit of my life. However, in intimate situations, the bedroom, the intimate aspects of the relationship, I want the bottom, to submit, and I need the bottom in sexual play.

I need a man that dominates me physically (I?m 5?4? and 120lbs, so that?s not too hard), and can match me intellectually. Years ago, when I last had a Dom, he said that I was difficult to dominate, but worth his effort.  

So, I guess that makes me, what? - a Dominate/bottom? well, I could probably wield the flogger as well- with a little practice.

The fervor with which people defend their definitions and disparage others interpretations of the same terminology around here is close to amusing. Really, it is amusing.  I?ll stay out of those discussions because I obviously don?t fit those pre-cast molds.

I don?t look forward to the time that I begin my search again?.