gooood morning world, another glorious day in the life. had a great night's sleep, feeling refreshed & alive. better & better each day this week.  it has indeed been a beautiful week.

by the way , my name is Marilou St. Amant, I live out in the Ozark toolies. had to quit drinking so I could find my way home lol ( just kidding, I have been dry 40 years)

out with the old & in with the new. got a interview coming up this weekend. from south Louisiana. been awhile since I have been with another cajun like myself. he has the sweetest accent, he's from St. Landry parish, I am from St. Charles parish & my last name is St. Amant....sounds like a winner to me lol.

my hair is growing back fast, by winter I will have pigtails again.  miss my waist length hair. but like I said it is coming back.

well, guess I will check out the new arrivals & read my messages.

then it's out to brush the mare down, feed, lay out hay & walk the pitt bull. she is in heat ( like her owner) lol.

be careful out there. 

M.M.

Got to thinking about the videos & the pics & decided to burn a CD for my cuckhold husband so that he can watch them  short as they are his eye lit up. he remembers what it was like when he could do that , take the dildos for me, his MISTRESS. his health is such that we live in seperate places so that he wont be under the stress . he actually only gets to see pics of my espcapades, he doesnt get to watch. that would be harder on his heart.

like my first slave , ( who's ashes I still have) my husband is my property until death do us part. then I will have his ashes  should I outlive him.  I have the feeling he would commit suicide if I died first. he would be lost w/o his Mistress. 29 yr. of devoted servitude & still devoted. & great years they were, he loved my sadistic side. and my nurturing side. he was a good boi.

Got to start setting things up to go to lunch with a school teacher friend, she called & asked so I said sure.  then it will be the dr appt. then wal mart then home..ahhh life in the fast lane lol

neighbor boy came down to pick out his kitten. he sure likes my cats. his mom said he could have one.  I sure was surprised to see him coming down the drive ! look at the time, guess he is still on school time mode lol.

I was looking at my pics on cell phone & he asked me what I was watching, I told him I didnt have video capability, he said sure u do. I dropped out of the adult pics of "it" , & gave him my phone, & he found three, one with my horse, I remember  him showing me how to take them & , I also have 2 of "it" liking the MASTER BLACK DUDE DILDO.  I had forgotten I had even taken them !!! so he walked me thru it all again lol. so much for old age ( I wrote it down ) LOL.

so now I can watch it & look at it's  pics. bet it would like to see them lol..no way.

gonna transfer onto computer & make a CD. PUT IT IN MY SAFE FOR SAFE KEEPING. DONT WANT THE WRONG HANDS GETTING AHOLD OF THAT.

U would know the kid took the maine coon kitten lol..but he will love her. says he is gonna name it for me. lol cute kid, already knows how to work the women lol..

had a wonderful night's sleep. with everything out on the table I feel so at ease. have come to grips with barry & his tramping around. while he is the first for me in a lot of things, his calling me vulgar names , & his tramping around had me quite depressed. now with that weight lifted , by just knowing that I finally have the strength to knock this pup down on the bottom where scum belongs , that  I am in control now & I am  doing something about it, has given me a new lease on life. he wanted a MISTRESS he has it. altho' he isn't liking it at all, but then as the old timers like myself say tit for tat.  what goes around comes around.

for each day he made me hurt, I will take a year. of course there is no way my health will sustain that long, but for as long as it does HE WILL WALK THE LINE. HE WILL OBEY. ASKING AROUND , MY FRIENDS AT THE VFW IN THE AREA HE LIVES ,ALL SAY HE IS A STRANGE LITTLE DUDE. (if they only knew) lol .  HE IS OF GOOD STOCK, WHY HE IS SUCH AN ASS IS BEYOND ME.

any infraction he makes ( I am keeping eyes on him ) he will pay for as any slave should.

I have one ultimatum & if he doesn't obey that command, he will pay dearly. IT KNOWS I LOVE TO SPANK & USE THE BAMBOO CANE. (ACTUALLY IT LIKES IT ) LOL

I AM DONE.  I have let the pup run over me my last time.

he has had a couple of days of seeing the MISTRESS I TRULY am, not the side I showed him because he was flawed....that little ploy of his will NO LONGER WORK ON ME.

LIKE him I HAVE LOCKED EMOTIONS AWAY.  NOW I DOMINATE.

wow!

had a nice power nap. dreamed a sweet dream.

dreamed of " it's " travel trailer. it is sooo nice. little picnic table in front with a canopy with no holes in it. right there at the state park. nice quiet, even the drive across the dam is beautiful especially at night. with the lights.

inside, there is a shower stall with hot water not just cold like I have. it has a flushing commode, something I have not had since 2002. it has a great couch that u could watch tv from, also something I have not had since 2002...it also has a cookstove that works.  it is far nicer than anything I have ever lived in. EVER.

in my dream " it "  had asked me to live with it.  I did until I died.

sweet . peaceful dream.  I will have to thank him for that dream.

well, thought I would check for messages since I woke up needing water & the port-a- potty. lol decided after reading them to update journal.

I am really tired tonight. took my pills I am supposed to be taking daily lol.  I have signed a DNR , refused further treatment . have everything in order .  now just trying to live out my little time in peace on my hilltop.

the 20 acres is really beautiful now, all lush & green. I caught myself laughing today  when the idea hit me that after over 45 yr of being a care giver to the dieing, that soon , I will have someone come staying with me. lol

the tings I have seen in my lifetime. so much death. so little life.  & then when I ventured out just one last time for a short chance at happiness, I wind up with Barry. how cruel life is at times. 

when I finally get a slave I COULD STRAIGHTEN OUT BIG TIME, I no longer have the health to do it. back in the day, I would have strung it up between 2 trees & beat it on the hour every hour , then hit it with the cattle prod each time it raised it's head , until it shit itself. then make it eat it's own shit..heck knowing it, it would probably love it. . raping it's ass would not do anything but get him started wanting more. lol. altho' I took a cattle prod to my first slave time & again & it learned what it was to do, & it learned what it was NOT to do.... but alas we were young & life was strong , or at least we thought it was ,  it died after just 3 yr devoted servitude , from a bad heart. one would have thought the Marines would have caught a heart murmur

my lifeline is losing ground daily.  altho' I do not show it yet. I feel it. & the added grief the Barry has given me does nothing to help matters.

I had so hoped to not die alone. but now I look forward to it.

I have lived a peaceful life for over 40 years.  I just want to sit here on my hilltop, with my animals,  & pass quietly. peacably. without drama.  sometimes in life I have found like now that it is better not to have love.  it only hurts u. I have hurt enough.