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A big hello and thank you to all the people I see on my Admirers list! What a high compliment!
In view of such flattery, it's best that I make something clear: I am looking for friends but not play partners or relationships. I have a rather full plate. On this site I'm pleased to have met several friends with whom I exchange email, and a few others with whom I have made further acquaintance. I'm primarily keeping this profile up to stay in touch with folks and keep up with the scene a bit. I do enjoy the message boards.
MasterFaol, the man whom I called Sir, released me about three years ago, after four and a half years in his collar. He remains my friend and ally. The authority-transfer relationship he and I were privileged to share opened many doors for us both. I am not interested in obeying or being owned by any person at this time. There may come a time in the future when I seek a romantic relationship with a D/s or M/s aspect, but that time is not now.
I don't like to chat, so please don't ask. I do carry on extensive email conversations, but I do not prefer to do chatrooms, IM or play BDSM online. I regard email messages as a means of exchanging ideas (with friends), or as a prelude to getting to know someone in realtime. If you want to get acquainted with me in RT, you can expect to be asked to correspond with, and meet, my husband.
Here are some more of my interests. I consider myself a sexual healer, although I have not been actively engaged in this recently. I LOVE to read, especially SF/fantasy fiction. I collect and read Tarot cards. I play the pipe organ. I'm a Reiki Master Healer and enjoy working with crystals and interpreting dreams. My spiritual path has morphed from Pagan to shamanic to Buddhist and is now headed back in a Christian direction. I love my pets -- multiple cats and a dog. I really enjoy belly laughs, and like bawdy, so-called "lowbrow" humor. I enjoy fantasy, surreal and art films. I have a strong interest in home decor and interior design.
Profile statistics aside, my Northern European ancestry is obvious in my dish face and pale hair and skin. I consider myself a happy weight for my height. Those who love me love my size 18 rear end, and so do I.
Finally -- I have GENITAL HERPES. I mention this not because I think all and sundry are entitled to know, but in order to save myself the static I inevitably get about "hiding things" if I mention it -after- a few emails are exchanged. I consider it a minor inconvenience, which a very high percentage of people already have in their bodies whether they know it or admit it or not...but if it bothers you, don't contact me for any activities that would put you at risk for catching it.
Peace All!
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Exploring my Top side!
I have a special boyfriend, see, who's new to the scene...and we've been playing switchy games...seeing who comes out on top. We've done even more in fantasy. We're fairly evenly matched in size and weight -- he has only a slight advantage. I love the idea of wrestling for the privilege of commanding the other for the evening!
I've found I LOVE having him on his knees to me! What a huge thrill, I feel 10 feet tall. So far what I have liked best is his massaging and worshiping my feet, and giving me oral sex of course. I never used to like to receive oral (though I love to give it, to either sex)...but this man does it so reverently and avidly, it is a whole different feeling.
Talked about this with my former Master, how wonderful this feels, he used to get that feeling with me. Yum. |
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I need to make people aware that I'm not starting any new kink relationships at this time. Friends, yes; play or PE relationships, no. I still welcome email but I just don't have time or energy in my life to add more commitments.
I'm about to lose a beloved pet, my albino ferret who needs to be put to sleep in the next few days, and I intend to allow myself time and space to grieve. The people I correspond with will understand, I am sure. I also hope others can respect this as well. |
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A sad moment. I was having an email exchange with a Dominant who seemed very kind and sweet, but somehow there got to be a misunderstanding. He suggested I travel to see him, after writing each other for less than a week. When asked for references, he became upset and defensive; when I didn't write for one day, he tried to take me to task. This did not work for me.
Out of this exchange, I've discovered I need to add something to the information people see up front: it takes me a long time to write email. I may read your message, and three days later you will get a reply -- because I had to think about what to say, because I had a ton of email to answer, because I have a life. I have a full family life and a great deal going on, both positive and negative, in my life. So my not getting back to people, even people I am quite attracted to, is nothing personal. I may answer several emails from you in a day, then not be online for more than a few minutes at a time or at all for a week. I do temp work, so I never know when or if I will be working. And I need to be sure I spend quality time with my family too. So please don't be offended at my slowness. It's the way my life is.
Also please be prepared to account for yourself if you want to meet me; in a world where women end up pickled in barrels by men they meet online, a woman's looking to her safety is nothing to take personally. I think men need to protect themsleves too -- meet a supposedly submissive woman and take her home, and she could rob you blind while you sleep. It is sad but true. |
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It's been awhile since I posted! I have met some fine people both through this site and in my local munch group, and have a pretty full dance card. I've met and played with a terrific guy I met here, we had a lovely if short evening because I wasn't feeling all that great. I've also spent a month at Sir's this summer, and he has come to this area for a weekend visit this fall, good experiences all in all. I have been working full time and anticipate doing so for most of the winter, so anyone messaging me needs to be patient. I still enjoy the boards here when I get the chance! |
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At the risk of sounding snarky, I am going to state a strong preference for people who can spell the word "DOMINANT" correctly. I invite anyone to contact me, but if I read your profile and see you refer to yourself as a "Dominate man" I will ignore you. If you can't be bothered to learn how to spell the word you use to describe yourself, I can't be bothered with you.
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Well, now I am pretty frustrated. I was corresponding with a woman I wanted to be friends with, but didn't respond to an email of hers for several days because I had a backlog of things to do both on and offline. I then got another message from her saying "I assume you have now completely lost interest in me since you figured out who I am." I wrote an apologetic letter, stating that I'd intended to get back to her but hadn't had time, and that I hadn't figured out who she was...
...and found she has blocked me. I think this was petty. It's the first really negative experience I've had in all the time I've been on this site. |
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I think there is limited space here, for I have had entries "eaten" by the system as I tried to post them, as if there weren't enough space. So I may wait awhile and try again to add more entries here...but in the event that this space is full, I encourage anyone interested to view my livejournal at the website by that name, my username being the same as it is here. |
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I have a lot of BDSM-related thoughts on my mind lately. One concerns a fellow slave whose recent posts on a local e-list I read with interest...and dismay. She wrote in response to a question about the meaning of Dominance...and described herself as worthless chattel. She wrote that she knew that no matter what she did for her Master it would never be enough, and that she would never be good enough to deserve his attention.
I found this profoundly disturbing. I guess I have to respect this apparently not uncommon point of view concerning the status and nature of slaves, and the fact that many people seem to run their D/s and M/s relationships using a dynamic like this.
But it just seems psychologically damaging to me. I don't believe I could serve a Master who said such things, or expected me to believe them of myself. Sir's opinion is more influential in my life than anyone's has ever been, and I would experience His telling me such things as a tearing-down of my self-esteem, and an attack on my personhood and personal worth. I don't believe it would serve to make me a better, stronger slave, which I think is a major goal of many D/s and M/s relationships.
Fortunately, Master tells me no such things, in fact quite the opposite! This is as one might expect since, as I say in my profile, he pretty much built me to be what I am, so naturally what I am is the kind of slave he prefers...a proud one. He says I'm a valuable tool, a prized possession...so for me to say otherwise would be to question his judgement, or to suggest that he is so foolish as to waste His time on useless junk, or on ventures that don't pay dividends. I'm not permitted to disrespect his property.
This has had many positive implications for me -- I have experienced enhanced pride, self-esteem, and confidence under his care and influence, which has generalized to many facets of my life. I've learned skills in pleasing him and in living up to the potentials he chooses to develop in me, which have likewise generalized, to my benefit and the benefit of those around me. Among other things, I have developed a habit of better attention to my health, better work habits, and more attention to what I say, how I say it and to whom. It's all the more reason to be grateful for the privilege of being his.
I shared this other slave's notions with a group of submissives at a munch recently, and many of them seemed to concur with my opinion that the dynamic of unworthiness is unhealthy. One even suggested that a relationship that promotes this might be abusive. I'm interested in hearing many opinions on this subject. |
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I know there are a wide variety of opinions on the subject of how s-types should treat D-types in general. Another user made an observation recently concerning submissives and the respect, or lack thereof, with which they treat Dominants. It got me thinking, and here's part of what I came up with, speaking for myself:
I have a general aversion to treating other people, Doms or otherwise, with disrespect unless they've been VERY disrespectful to me first (and that has rarely happened to me in the leather scene). That being said, I will banter with people I'm comfortable with, and treat others as my social equals outside of a negotiated scene. My demeanor at play parties, and towards Tops and Doms I may bottom to, while respectful, is not subservient, unless it's part of a negotiated scene, or Sir orders me to be so. That's because I don't submit to anyone but Sir. And in scene, I am (justifiably I think) a proud and unabashed pain slut who usually adopts a defiant or "take it like a man" demeanor for beatings and so forth -- which most people I've played with have found fun (apparently it's unusual in a female bottom).
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I've been asked what Sir is like...LOL besides His profile...my biased opinion...--smiles--
MasterFaol looks like a Viking Warrior -- handsome, strong, with blue eyes to lose oneself in. He has a deep voice, an easygoing but confident manner, an open and liberal mind, and a healthy sense of humor. I think he has a lot of Presence and charisma. His demeanor is definitely proud but not arrogant -- the thrill of Domination is not just about more power for him, it is about the good he can do, and the pleasure he can create, with that power.
He loves women, sex, sadism, and fostering growth and learning in himself and others. He expresses himself in a genuine, thoughtful, and honest fashion. He's the sort of person whom others turn to for help when someone needs to work through a spiritual, emotional, or relationship problem. He's polyamorous, and devotes a great deal of time and energy to relationship building and maintenance.
He is one of the most sensitive, intuitive men I have ever met, and certainly the most commanding and compelling to me. I trust him fully. He inspires my abject devotion and willing service. I'm thrilled that he has committed to the ownership and care of me as his property, and delighted that he derives satisfaction from it.
He is a wonderful match for me -- we share spontaneity, an enthusiasm for new and different experiences and pleasures, and a willingness to explore sometimes dark inner landscapes together. We are also well paired in our strong minds, wills and hearts.
As a Top, he's very versatile. He's not afraid to show serious sadism when it pleases him. I am privileged to benefit from his frequent, often severe beatings as well as his challenging sexual and obedience demands. Some women enjoy his tender, sensuous side and ability to play a woman's body and mind with finesse.
I could boast of my Master all day long LOL! But I think that is enough for now.... |
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I haven't updated for awhile. I haven't been online much for the last month or so due to my travel...
I'm pleased to say that in my absence, some wonderful local sub/s with more masochism in them than me (hehe) have taken the "ball" of the subbie munch and run with it. Basically what they did was revive an older group called ASSETS due to seeing the interest returning -- I think about 8-10 people turned up at the munch I set up, despite its less-than-popular venue (Indian restaurant).
I spent 3 wonderful weeks in California with Sir...and 2 weeks later I am still glowing, feeling wonderful about the beautiful connection I have with Him. I think He and I grow to new and happier levels of trust and deep power exchange all the time. It is a true joy to submit to the Master I adore.
While I was with Him, I got to meet some special people through another group He is involved in, including another Dominant whom Sir and I both like a lot and with whom He might share me in the future. This would be something more special than my just having play partners, it is something that could grow, so I am delighted in it.
Over the past several months, things in the BDSM facet of my life have really blossomed and are feeling very fulfilling, while in the more vanilla side of things there seems to be more stress in some cases, and sort of a holding pattern in others. I'm concerned about what my wife's baby will add to all our lives -- a totally new dynamic, I am sure. He will be a Sagittarius, adding a much-needed "fire" element to our household. But there are many questions and stresses, and it is very likely there will be more limits on the amount of time I can spend with Sir, which is a dreadful thought to me.
I just sent a friendly hello to a female Dom in Atlanta whom I just thought I'd like as a person...and minutes later I got a similar message from another friendly person in SC. It is nice to be able to exchange pleasantries and positive thoughts in this way -- thank you people! |
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I'm excited about the subbie munch I got started in my area which meets for the first time tonight. I'm so pleased to have had several enthusiastic responses.
I'm also really jazzed about the scene I was in last night. A local friend very obligingly tied me up between 2 posts and whomped my butt! (and other parts). I had a nice tight rope harness too, which was equally as much fun going on, wearing and taking off!
My friend used some of my own favorite toys including my leather paddle, weedwacker-twine flogger, skinny carbon fiber rod (which felt like fire on the nips) and suede dragon's tail...as well as his own cane.
I love looking in the mirror at the little double tracks from the cane on my backside!
I was very satisfied with the fun we both had, also the great mellow conversation afterward. I hope this turns into a lasting and rewarding friendship and I think it will! |
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UPDATE July 2005 --I'm really pleased with most of the responses I've gotten in a short time -- several fellow subs who are interested in the group I'm hoping to build, and several really friendly and pleasant Doms and couples. I have also got to say it hasn't all been so great, having had some disrespectful messages and inappropriate "pings" from people who obviously have not read my profile. I guess it takes all kinds. :-)
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| Age: 30 |
| Fort Lauderdale,
Florida |
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