lostnalone

Well, I've made it so far. I still miss him but I miss the intimacy more i think. I miss the things we did together, the closeness, the long talks and yes, the time in the play space.

I made it through Christmas, it was hard, but for the most part i pasted on a happy face the the runts... I'm getting there, I've gone from depressed and crying to bouncing between lonely and angry and numb. A good sign i guess.

Thank you, for those of you who have offered friendship, and at least one who has devoted a good amount of time trying to cheer me up and make me laugh.

for those that feel they need to come in with some lame one liner with more swear words then i even know, not to mention demands...... you have no right to demand anything of me, you have no right to order me about nor will it work. Please at least attempt to show some level of sensitivity and not make complete fools of yourselves.

lost but maybe not as alone as I thought.

Today was harsh, we had alot of stuff happen, the worst for me at least was Him coming over to pick up some of his things. even now, with all that i have found out, seeing him makes my heart beat crazy, my breath catch, my head spin.. his anger makes me wish to run and hide or beg forgiveness...... but for this i can't, i might someday be able to forgive him, but i'll never trust him again... its broken... there is no way to rebuild such a wide gap.

what do i do.. it was so hard, so hard to sit across the room from him and not fall back into normal routine. not kneel near him, call him by his name, not to ease the angry look from his face... 

why is it geting harder instead of easier?

The day has come, her heart broken in two

He left her in darkness to wonder

The day has come, that he has left her to be

alone with none to guide her

The day will come when her heart will slowly mend

her soul desperately searching

the day will come when she will see more then just he

but another who is looking

The day will come when she finds the one

who holds her heart and chain,

the day will come when He finds the girl

never to let her wonder alone again,

The day will come when she finds her place

surrounded in the joy of her fate

The day will come when He shoos away

the fear and makes the dark abate.

When the day comes, when two hearts are one

He shall find her on bended knee

she shall bask in the glow and in her own heart know

she has found her place to be happy