LLYVNGWORTH

so i had a tattoo removed today, it was across the back of my neck and was the initials of one i called Master for years. but in the end i discovered it was ALL a lie and none of his words were ever true to me. yes he did teach me things and show me great abilities my body is capable of, but when it was all based in a lie i am hard pressed to find the positive.  i have had his initials in and on my body for 4 and half years now three of those i have wanted them GONE but could find no one who would cut them off of me. i could not have them tattooed over for i would know it was always there as if he was always a part of me. and he is NOT he is not worthy of that in the least.  i finally found a friend of a friend who was willing to for a fee remove this part of my past for good. i am so grateful for the freedom that is coming with this act.  it was not a large tattoo and the scar will be larger than the tat was but it is a reminder to me of life experiences and lessons learned.  i do not think i will ever mark myself for any one again. for i tried to assign different meanings to this one and i never was able, not a thing i want to repeat.  not to mention i am still not certain i will ever find a man who i could trust enough to submit to. wouldnt think it was that hard of a task but it is proving to be quite the challenge with many many jackles along the route.  selfish, loathsome, beings who have such a different mind set and scope of thought i cannot even begin to fathom. tell a woman words she longs to hear, offer her what her deepest dreams are and then in the time of action disappear, cancel your accounts, block your number.  and yet for the sheer physical aspect of you were born with a penis bill your self as a man.  i do not get it..??..

but my neck hurts and it is painful but it is a great pain to know the last tie is undone and it is now severed. giving myself another clear end yet another thing in life that must be done for ones self apparently.  fuck i wish it was not so!!!!

."Approaching a Prospective sub"    
Reposted by request: Article I wrote for another site.  I am Sir Joe. I have been on this site for a over a year or so now, and I have had several conversations with multiple submissives.  The one thing that they all have in common is the incredible exasperation and frustration they feel regarding the emails and IM's they get from male Dominants. (I am directing my comments to Male Dom's, not Domme's the rules are somewhat different for Domme's, and my comments here only generally apply you.)Gentelmen, this is after all a fetish website, BUT, if you are really the Dominant you claim to be, and a member of the lifestyle that promotes "Safe", "Sane", and "Consensual" or the more aptly, RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) then how is it that so many of you begin an introductory email or instant message with commands you have not been given consent to make? Hi I'm "OverLord PuffandStuff" now, "On your knees bitch!" or "I want to stick my dick in your ass!" or my personal favorite "Be a good whore, and reply to me NOW!" are not the kind of phrases that any woman, sub or not will respond to. SO STOP IT!Just because she is a submissive does not mean she is (or ever will be) submissive to you. Why, because no matter who I am talking to I offer her the same respect I want for myself. You would no more walk up to a woman at the Mall, and tell her to get on her knees, how  can you assume that this will be a winning strategy onlibe? Is it because this is a fetish site? Poor assumption, if that's what your thinking.This is a lifestyle based entirely on trust! Who in their right mind would trust you if your first comment was so derogitory that it was  offensive. Don't get me wrong, in a scene,when consent has been gven, you can talk to your sub in whatever way turns you or her on. However, do you expect to get to a point where your having a real time encounter with a sub, if you are so blunt and disrespectful in your initial introduction?  Or even before you have established a basis for that kind of discussion, or email.Like I said, I have been on (this site) now for a while (this time, 2 years the last time) and recently, I have met several women in person, and am chatting with others, whom I expect to meet, (in search of that perfect slave for my household that is the counter-balance to my Dominance.) and there is no doubt that in their minds, or fannies for that matter that I am Dominant. But I didn't make any overtly sexual or BDSM related comments in my initial introduction. WHY? Because when it comes to female submissives, they are not about to offer trust, or themselves to anyone who can't even respectful enough to introduce themselves in non threatening manner. It doesn't matter if the sub has said, "writeme, and tell me what you violent degrading things you want to do to me." why, because unless your writing a letter just to get her off, then odds are your not going to be anythingmore than the sender of a dirty letter. If you really want to meet her and do those things, you need to understand TRUST! It might work occasionally (1/10, 000) but that is pretty poor odds. and it will be (0/1, 000, 000) if it is a newbie or novice sub, who is nervous to begin with.If you can't make a vanilla (I use the word to make my point clear) introduction of yourself to a female submissive, and establish that your not some wack job or psycopath, then don't write them at all. It is the conclusion ofthose of us truely in the lifestyle, that anyone who can't see the reality of trust and consent in the process is nothing more than a wanna-be, who is making the rest of us look bad.(Funny the ones who really need to read this probably don't read the articles...)I am personally offended by any man that has no other articulate way to introduce himself to a woman than to say, "get  on your knees bitch!". If that is your standard introduction grow up. If your offended by what I've said, then you're exactly who I am talking about and guilty of being an ass-hole.  DOM doesn't mean DICK. If you can't be Dominant, or assertive without being a dickhead, turn off your computer, jack off an go to sleep, because in the end, that is all your going to be doing anyway. I am a real Dom seeking exactly what I stated in my profile - and if you have any comments feel free to let me know. But know this, I am right. Ultimately, respect and trust, will be the only way you get the consent you need have a real life encounter with a sub.  Sincerely,Sir Joe(submissives feel free to copy this and repost it in your journal section provided you credit me as author.)

again with the words of i will be there to pick you up and we will go and this will happen or that will happen. 

 Really i am to believe you because of why? 

it kills me they all speak of giving them a chance and not all males are the same way and not bringing along hurt from past experiences into the present.  and yet they do what their predecesor has done. remind me again how a woman is to trust anything a male says to her other then- i will tear up that pussy- or trust in what ever falls out his mouth on line or the over the phone??    words are simply that  even when i express my reticence and lack of trust or faith in them i am told to give them that chance to extend them that courtesy. no matter that it wll not be returned. that i will not hear or see them when said. no matter that in the moments i allowed myself to trust in myself and therefore the one i was speaking with has all been swept away as if it was less than nothing.  maybe the last one was correct in his observation of a reply i gave him, i am a bit angry and more of a leave me the fuck alone sort of state. 

but you know in all honesty if there would be a man who would honestly do as he tells me he will my poles would shift. all it would take is a man to make the simple act into a reality of following through on his word. 

someday i pray it is more than a mere wish, dream, illusion, fantasy of mine..  all i want is a man to belong to and with who allows me that same space in his life, thats all.

so i was exchanging emails back and forth for 4 or so days and he had come to my rescue once already but on the day we were to meet and spend a chunk of time together he vanished.  no word no call  no reading of sent messages nothing, now this is not odd at all in my dealings with males. be they tell me that they never do that and always show when given their word that they will, bah i have come to say for the times i have been stood up.  but some how i thought this one would be true and real.... why i thought this i have questioned over these last 2 days greatly.  he was so much of what i desire, a great many of the same kinks and enjoyments. i really thought it would turn out good this time. maybe he will reappear but i am loathe to hold me breath waiting. 

i desire to be with a man  no one spectacular on societies scale of folks, he needn't be an Adonis to anyone but me. for i am certainly not Aphrodite by this centuries guidelines anyhow.  but a man of his word who is open to love and being loved and giving love it need not be without limits or unconditional for none of us are complete enough to do that. as adults we are much to broken and cracked to not have to have some defenses for our own preservation.  but to have a man who would hold me in his arms and just let me be there. a man who will sit on the couch and watch a movie with me. a man who would lie in bed with me and just talk over everything while we become more and more entwined as the conversation moves along. how i desire such a man, such a companion, such a gift and for this gift i offer no less than all i am and all i am capable of becoming.  it seems so reasonable and straight forward, yet thus far none existent. i thought i had met him and been found by him........ apparently not.

i pray i am wrong and he will come back from the ethers to claim me and prove his word is his bond.