lilwila on Collarspace

lilwindy98

lilwizard4


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	Hi, i am a submissive woman and former slave currently facing being freshly divorced from my former Master of years. We share 2 young children who come first in my life, so serving as a slave must come second for me. If your interested in trying to get to know me for the person i am whoever i am. me, you will find that i am loyal, respectful and willling to slowly revel more of myself a trusted and given. I am currently wearing no title other than mommy. if you need me to wear a title of slave or submissive i am not the one for you. I am not seeking to give respect just cause you wear Dom or Master in your name here on Cm. Respect is earned and goes two ways. I am not a doormat slave. I did that long enough .It does not fit who i am now today. I am not emotionally ready to go test drive some Masters. I am focusing on healing myself from my divorce and adjusting my role on my childrens lives now. If your seeking something casual because you think I am a slut and needy of attention. You can move right on along to another profile. Maybe im snobby.But i prefer to think of myself as something classy not something you take to an alley and leave behind never looking back on. I also do not do cybering. yes I am plus size and not seeking to change that for anyone.I am proud of my curves they are not coming off for any man. I would like to teach my children beauty comes in all sizes. Am I obessely over weight no I am not. I have always been a size 14. I am now between a size 16 and 18.my biggest was a size 24. When i am actually ready to seek a Master he will need to be confident in himself. And be willing to accept and enjoy that my being a mommy comes first for me. An ideal Master to have in my life well I am still working on figuring out who i am.So until then I dont have a full list. But to find out then email me chat with me and lets be friends first and take our time just being friends. I did the whole rushing thing with loss of control of logic and fell for romance and the whole Fairyl Tale with BDSM aspect in it. Im not going to do that again. This is a very honest and sincere profile. I have no desire nor need to lie to myself or a stranger. Thank you for your time

6/29/2009 9:32:27 PM

Hi everyone, Just want to let you know I am doing a sale on the website. Find any item that is $25.0o or more that is red,white or blue. Take $5.00 OFF.

Plus if you order and pay before July 1st 2009. Recieve FREE shipping on your entire order for USA and Canada costumers. Europe an Australia customers will recieve 50% off shipping.

http://www.blujay.com/?page=profile&profile_username=Madame_Wilamina

3/15/2009 6:57:00 PM

I have been divorced now going on 2 and a half months.I am told i look and sound more peaceful.I have been working hard on focusing on what is best for my wee ones. I have also begun to accept with this new found freedom. I am a woman who wants to be a Domme it feels very natural with some people. Then of course there is my soul that in the past and in the present is still a slave. I am not seeking for play partners. I dont believe in casual play. Others are welcome to do casual play and that is great for them.its just not me and no I wont change my ways for anyone.

I am proud to announce to myself and those who care that during these first months as a divorcee I have lost weight. I am now in a 38DD bra.size XL pantys.I bought earlier today brand new jeans for $3.00 a size 16w and they were too big. I will be totally shocked if size 14 jeans will fit me. I have not been a size 14 since the 90's.

I am seeing myself in a new light. And even though I have been proud to be a BBW. I feel I have more energy to play with my

3/2/2009 8:12:24 PM

MARCH OF COLORS SALE!!All items $20.00 or more with white, yellow,blue, and green is $5.00 OFF.All corsets bustiers skirtinis purchased till March 18th will recieve FREE stockings at a value of $9.00 or less.

Finally FREE PRIORITY shipping with an order of $60.00 or more to USA.brFREE shipping to Canada with an order of $70.00 or more
~`PLUS ALL DOMS/MASTERS who order for the sub or slave He owns will recieve a special gift for FREE`~
Please contact with any questions.And the link to my store...http://www.blujay.com/?page=profile&profile_username=Madame_Wilamina

1/1/2009 2:48:38 AM

I Have survived the first full day after my divorce was final. Just a signature here and there on some documents and a Home I shared with my children and husband is no longe rmy home.Now its His home. Now I can say my ex husband. And when I say it stings over and over.I am more than ever really not seeking a Master.I need time to adjust from this blow.And try to find a way to stop thinking and believing I have been tossed out like trash.I am scared to trust and give of myself. A good Master wants a confident slave. a sub/slave who can trust Him.Im not there yet.And right now not sure when and if I will be at that step.

Throwing myself into my work to make my life better for me and my children.

I miss being owned.I miss feeling wanted. This place I am living space,as well as mentally is unknown to me.

Part of me is scared.Let me admit a BIG part of me is scared.And I will prove I cant survive on my own with out a Master.

When and if I ever am ready to serve.It wont be some casual thing.I wonder if I take a collar more serious than I should. Maybe if it was not serious to me I could just move on and flirt and be some sparkling desirable sub/slave.

But I am not that. I am a woman who is now divorced. A woman learning to live and survive.Trying with lil strength left not to fall apart and go into a deep depression.

One final note......I want to thank everyone who has given support to me online. I wont name names but you know who you are.

I want to thank those who have visited my store online. Thank you for your business. I hope you will enjoy the coming growth I have planned for the New Year.

10/9/2008 7:35:04 AM

I am still not looking to meet a Master at this time. I am content for now with what i have going on in my life.Perhaps later on months or years down the line .I will find someone who fits me. For now I am enjoying visiting the chatrooms here and talking to fellow kinksters and BDSMers in a light hearted way.

I am accused of being too serious when it comes to BDSM. Perhaps I have learned form the past when not taking it seriously at all. And what such ill attitude and thinking cost me.

Also I will foever walk this earth with the branding and tattoo of my former Master.The man who is father of my children. The man i trusted to love me always for better or worse.If this Master could not do that the Master who I believed fully completely would be and was my 1.If he cant be the 1 then who can be? I can never be tattoed,pierced,or branded again. Forever every day reminded.The shame the guil talways there.Guilt of being too sick to be loved and wanted.

How can any Master want a marked slave?Marks that can never go away.There till I die.And Him He walks away with no marks.Take off the wedding ring and he has nothing. Able to simply move on and hav eno daily reminders of his failure of the love he once had. the slave he once owned.

It seems so unfair.He should have some mark to last him forever.But then He would not be a Master would he ?

Perhaps this is one big reason I am not looking for a Master.Because I am tainted marked for life as someone elses.Always reminded Im trash kicked to the curb.What other Master will do that to me? I dont even want to contemplate such a notion. So i am off the market till i feel stronger about myself.

If your a Master who messages me. Stating your intereste din getting to know me. I will not take you seriously. For you clearly have not read my journals.

9/15/2008 7:02:37 PM

Life can come at you fast or slow hard or easy. But no matter what life catches up with you. I believing I have at this time accepted to stop my search for a Master at this time.

Perhaps I am not done grieving over my marriage. Perhaps its is the start of a new school year for my wee ones. perhaps it is the fact the few Masters I have spoken with dont seem to be the right match for me. Does this mean I am giving up?Perhaps in some eyes.In my eyes I am just taking a break from something that has disappointed me.

I have made some nice friends in the chat room so I will continue to come to the website for that. But anything else no. I dont understand why men from other states read my profile. Why they email me. I am not desiring to relocate.I dont like emails to me that simply ask what my medical issues are. My profile states there is more to me than just my medical stuff. If you really want to know I will eventually tell you and when I do guess what. i will ask you to go google the information. That way you have a professional medical answer.Does this make me fake or a gamer well if you think so you have the right to your opinion. It makes me think i simply am exhausted from giving a lot of me in finding a Master. I thought there was one. But mixed signals are hard to understand so I am assuming there is nothing there but a game. If i want to play a game I will play games with my wee ones and get more smiles and laughter out of the games.

For those who ask me for a picture.Why? And dont tell me its to see who your talking to. I never ask for a picture because I am interested in nowing a person for the inside not the outside.If you ask me for a pic or webcam I will tell you I dont have that.

Also if your under 35 I caution you not to message and tell me your my Master.I have done the younger guy thing most of my life. And im done with it.

SO what is this saying? Its saying what I think and feel nothing less or more.

8/22/2008 10:33:49 AM

Hi,
Hi,I have a small lil online store for your lingerie needs.As well as a big selection of costumes. Any member of Collarme will recieve free shipping on purchases over 40.00 or more for USA and Canada. Unless of course im running a better sell..Plus always $2.00 off the listed price on each item.You must tell me your from Collar Me. Take a peek and see the great selection of plus size and misses size.I also schedule lingerie partys for birthdays,just because or of course bridal showers.Thank you for supporting a slave girl.
http://www.blujay.com/?page=profile&profile_username=Madame_Wilamina

8/16/2008 7:56:39 PM

I am finding myself so much more of my desires for pain as i see scenes in the chat rooms. Those addds they place on the website. I click on and i nearly melt away.
Why is wrong to one want to be owned and feel it real time. Why do i have men contacting me from other time zones and countrys.It is flatterng to a point. But all i know is real time serving and real time pain. I find as each day passes the yearning to feel that bond face to face grow.The desire to be a lil bitch to be a baby girl to be a pain slut to be a kajira all growing deeper and deeper within me.

8/4/2008 10:25:30 AM

I have these rules i set up for myself. For when I met a Master.For when and if the day came i was collared. And for my serving the Master who would own me. The big rule was not to fall inlove not to care for the Master.Just be empty inside. Yet be dutiful and honorable and respectful to that Master.

I created these rules in light of the divorce from my Master. Yes i married my Master.I fell in love deeply madly for Him. He was my world. Then we had kids then we moved and then I got ill. And suddenly over night. He was not my world.Then my kids were not my world. I fell into this deep hole of depression and making bad judgement. Running from my illnesses.In the end my Master uncollared me and replaced me easily with 2 slaves. They do not live with us. But the one might as well for as often she is over here. I grieve for my marriage. I grieve for the Master /slave relationship we had.The bond once shared. That trust He would never let anything or anyone hurt me gone. Because he gave up on me gave up on trying to deal with my illnesses.

I was kicked to the curb. If I trust and give myself to a Master.If i end up loving Him caring Him .I risk being hurt all over again.And i dont want this pain this misery in my life anymore.

I do not bleieve i am worth loving or carrying for. yet who am i to argue with a Master who claims i am.

Do I go against my rules i have set up for myself and let myself be loved. Or do I end things now before things grow.

I dont know its something i must take great care in thinking.

7/31/2008 8:33:04 AM

Hi,

I just wanted to post a link to my Ebay auctions. I sell lingerie and lifestyle costumes.
I also sell on Gothauctions. A great place for cheap prices on fun stuff.
I have 100% positive feedback on both websites.

http://shop.ebay.com/merchant/big*beauty*babe

Thank you for taking the time to view these items.