LilFiregirl

So I got some issues to take care of, not going to be around that much for a bit!

Seriously..

Now someone told me about how the Dommes ask for tributes and are professional but now there is professional slaves/subs with pricelists on the site? The more I hear this website is full of fakes and changed, the more I am believing it.

WOW. I just got shocked. I had no idea there was that much "professionals" in this community.

it really does make my night when I can gear you to choose a movie that I enjoyed rather than the usual suspects of films. 

What makes it even better is getting to know the personalities by the movies people look at to rent.

It was a good night at work!

A post somewhere made me start thinking about qualities I admire in another.

I do not care who they are in relation to me in my life - I want people that are imperfect. I feel that shows they are human and perfect in their own being. I admire anyone who embraces good and bad. They want to feel it all and do not run from it.

We should appreciate we can feel anger, love, happiness, hatred, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, jealousy, courage, pride..

Can you imagine never feeling anything????

Anyone computer savvy.. laptop has a webcam.. I used it many times before.. now for some reason.. it cannot find it.. Where do I find even the options to even enable it or check it settings. HELP!

Woot!  Gotta love those phone calendar reminders..

Sexapalooza this weekend and this year I vowed I would take the the time to go and get over being shy.

I have always loved The Picture of Dorian. It was a story that fascinated me cause it brought in such a different perspective of your own inner turmoil fighting against themselves.

I was able to see the film made based on it...

Such good potential... but editing just ruined the darkness of it's reality against the magical aspect of it.

One question does come up...

The art of persuasion.. where is the fine line of that when it comes to dominating another.

Just a random thing.

Anyway, if you can catch the movie.. not that bad but of course the original story is way more imaginative.

Alright my rant for the day...

So after four years my pretty coffee machine broke. It was devasting as we shared so many great moments but I finally went and got another.

A pretty one too... steel, 12 cups, shiny, quiet..

This morning, rinsing the pot and the bottom just pops out! the glass breaks into a perfect circle.. FUCK!

no coffee makes me a little crazy..

worst part.. replacements are available at home hardware, the bay, homesense or their warehouse.....

Guess what.. the only one that actually has a replacement is the friggin warehouse in woodbridge! I DON"T DRIVE!

*(&(*^*^*(&(*^*%^*^!

completely random..

The walking dead.. been finally pressured to watch it.. up to episode two already and I think I need to borrow my friend's zombie survival manual!

Not bad.. hopefully it does not get too crazy and wild like true Blood did for a bit.

funny, in talking with a few people I have just realized I am not as unexperienced as I thought I was. I just casually remembered a few things I have done in my past that has helped me see I really do like being controlled.

I find it interesting of how one you ask for a picture yet they drill you to find out what you want or need or looking for and get upset if you are not thorough in your responses!

Seriously, you want me to uncover myself in every form inside and out - you cannot handle to send your face so I know who I am doing that with at least?

What does it mean if someone asks you to tribute them?

Today was an interesting day, after waking up in a foul mood I was able to step back and enjoy for a bit some my thoughts and clarity and now it is a good day for me.

Time not wasted.

Suprisingly, after a loud scream and chuckle in the end I actually enjoyed that.

Very well, you win. Good luck to you.

Yes I am in a fiesty mood and being Italian I guess I am gonna be a bit of a brat right now..  It was a rough night and woke up exactly the same mood!

So since I cannot respond since you have blocked my mail to you.. My response it here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are the first person in the whole of my life that says I have no heart or compassion. To presume you know that from a couple random messages and my post is insane. 

Your story I enjoyed not because of I am complimenting the death. I enjoyed it because it was emotional and interesting to read. What a person reads is supposed to ignite an emotion or feeling inside you or it is just a words on paper. That is what I enjoyed.

I am not sure, perhaps you are trying to burn off a foul mood you woke up in? You decided to dissect or perhaps you are upset at something else that you wish to focus on these issues instead? Is it because I have not responded? or perhaps you are not fond of my previous journal entry as some of it touches home?

Yes, you wrote me and I have come to realize looking back I never responded yet and honestly that was in no way trying to be rude.  It has been a whirlwind this past couple days and I have gone through a mess of emotions as well on here as well as just dealing with my everyday life.

And being here to get laid.. no, I am fine and have been fine the past 5 years with my imagination, my fingers and my vibrator. I am not here to get laid and I have no idea how my profile or posts give any idea of that. I want something more, I want the other intimacies enhanced and my mind stmulated but get laid - i can do that on my own.

yes, you said not to bother responding but I did. Sorry. you can delete it but I woke up in a pissy mood and I could not let those comments go by especially of my compassion or heart.

The past couple days has honestly overhwhelmed me so this is a couple points I have come up with.

First of all: Enough with the Cyber sex trolls! If you are interested in telling me you gonna spank me while you rub your cock to the screen - I am not your girl.

I will also appreciate that you have a pic. This is not alot to ask. I took a chance to put mine  to overcome that fear and prove to myself I am serious in what I want or seeking so I expect the same.

I apologize as well but I also am not comfortable with older men in comparison to my age (ten years difference I think is the most I can go deal with at the moment) and married men. Call it the old fashioned European in me, I understand Kink and we all have needs but if you are searching outside your marriage to fullfill then be a man and get what you want in your marriage is my opinion - You and another took a vow and responsiblity to be open to another for life. Just try it and don' cop out looking for a girl on the side to get off.

If you have an issue with one that has responsibility and is close to their family - I am not someone you should waste your time with. They are a part of me and will always be in my life.

I do not mind talking with anyone and everyone except for the reasons noted in this journal entry.

I am tired of being automatically put down as what you are looking for by a label. Don't give me a label as I do not kow what I am in those terms  - I know what I like, I enjoy and thrive on what I desire and that is what makes me "me" not a title and roles with guidelines.  I can be all what other interpret as a "slave", "sub" "whore", etc.. but I see it as aren't you regardless when you are in a relationship all those things - the whole point is opening up and allow growth and experience with that person I devote myself to.

If you do not work or actually wake up and go do something everyday. That is a person I cannot respect already so no point to further the discussion.

In the past few days I have realized - I have a good head on my shoulders and I don't want to lose my right to have a thought or an interest just because I am on here and I enjoy a good caning. I am not a zombie and I know how to fight them off with my Zombie Survivial guide!

If you want to meet, I have no issue.. if you want to meet right after a hour conversation. No. I am tired of the whole talk being about just what we are seeking, I want to talk about everything and anything and nothing. Things about life as well and discussions and opinions and ideas.

Point is.. there has been some good discussions but there has also been some difficult and unusual ones .. this is what has come out of them

Yes.. I am a nerd at heart - I enjoy roleplaying games, books,movies and computers. Want to pick my brain on something - that is an  opening.

 Yes they are real.

I remember the day you told I caught your attention. Saturday
night, I was running from table to table in a frenzy to seat
the next customers. I stopped at yours, asking if all is
all right. You smiled and remarked jokingly ?no?. I blushed
and murmured ?too bad? while walking away to finish what
I started.
You have come often now, to sit and chat, watch and listen.
The interest in my life grew when our talks became longer,
intimate about my life. It seems you know it all- from the
early morning argument with my chef to the nightmares I
dreamt last night.. Why do I tell you everything, you are
a client, an acquaintance, we only just met. Why do I trust
you so much with it all? All my thoughts, all my experiences,
all my life with you, a stranger that comes to visit.
Who would have thought we would grow that close. You older,
different and wise.. Me with my childish nature, innocence
and smile. One chat, then two and here we are sitting again
talking about it all. Your words, advice and opinion always
swirling in my head day after day, consuming my thoughts.
Why do I care so much! You are just a stranger, a client, and
an acquaintance to me. We are of different worlds, we are
just friends, what am I doing.
Was I crazy to accept your offer? Cook dinner for me? Is this
a mistake?
There we are sitting across in your dining room, you did
not lie when you said you cook well. The questions start
again. You wondering my past, my fears, my pain.
What made me think to cry with you? Show you what is inside
me. Why does it feel so good to hear you in my ear, feel your
presence to protect me? Why do I feel so trapped and scared?
We lie there next to each other like it has always been. Is
this my place here, this warm spot in your bed, in your arms?
You whisper all will be all right, you are here and I believe.

I believe everything you say, you do. I believe you telling
me I am safe, I am beautiful, I am deserving.
I believe you telling me I am incredible, I am sweet, I am
worthy, I am yours.

That kiss, your kiss,
consumed me whole.
Took every breath within me.
Why does it feel so right?
You scare me when you give me that look like you know all within
me, my heart, my soul. It just feels so right like I am at home.
Here, in your arms, your bed.. I am home.
?I am yours? I feel slip out my mouth in a breath.
That stare, that gaze confirmed it all, those are the words
you wanted to hear all along. The time to consume me all.
My heart, my soul, my body to be yours from this point on.

Only you can caress me, please me, warm me, taunt and tease
me.
Only you can listen to my cries, my fears, my needs.
I gave it to you all for life in those three words ?I am yours?
That night, I felt it all, the pain you gave me, the desire
you showed me, the control you want over me.
You consume my thoughts, my everyday, I wear etched within
me those words I fear and you adore ?I am yours?