lastdyingbreeed

I was away from the 'lifestyle' for a while. I had gotten impatient with BDSM. I had gotten to a point where I didn't want to train anyone or to show and explain the way I want my sub to be etc >> You know all the things you do to make your sub earn her collar. I wanted a ready made sub created from the depths of my imagination. Realistically that will never happen, not in the best of lives does shit like that happen. So what did I do? I left the 'lifestyle'... I ventured back into the world of vanilla... 

Not that the vanilla world is all that far away from BDSM. If you don't work in a dungeon then you likely enter in and out of the vanilla world daily. I have no problems with this world in the general sense of it - working, business, dinner, movies, bars, lounges, wineries, museums and so forth. What I do have a problem with is a vanilla aspect to sexuality. One woman giggled every time I smacked her ass while having sex. Good thing for my ego I wasn't spanking her or trying to inflict pain. I was testing the waters. I knew she was vanilla but I wanted to see if I could make her venture down a road unknown. 

She giggled. Afterwards, I asked her what the giggling was about. She said she couldn't believe she had 'allowed' a me to smack her on the ass. That she always found this to be so degrading. I wanted to giggle. I wanted to run the hell out of there while giggling. Instead I pushed on. I asked her very general questions about herself and her thoughts on sexuality and the relationships between men and women. While I found her to be quite submissive in a domestic way, she was very sexually constricted. I debated the thought of introducing her into the 'lifestyle'. The next time we engaged in sexual activity, I smacked her ass with a little more force (giggle), and I also allowed my hand to linger around her neck, not chocking, but making the re-enactment type of motion of chocking. No giggle. She quickly removed my hand. 

In later conversation, I pushed ahead further. I don't have the time for head games. I need someone that is willing to submit, even if not to me, but at least in ideal, she's ready to submit to someone. This woman wasn't and when I asked how she felt about BDSM, she nearly had a heart attack. She no longer giggled. She asked me was that the reason why my hand was around her neck, and was it the reason why my open hand to her ass was more forceful than the last time. I honestly replied that it was, that I was testing her position and would continue on pushing but wanted her consent, wanted her to open her mind up to trying it. She called me a sexual deviant. I laughed. She cried. No more giggling.

So I'm back on this side of the thin line. I want the vanilla world, hell let's face it, it's not something we can get away from, but I also want to tie her up, gag in mouth, and spank her --- JUST BECAUSE. I want to be able to have her kneel under the desk, at my feet with the head of my dick in her mouth, yes just the head, as I type this journal entry, with clamps attached to her nipples, clamps that get tugged every time she fails to suck the head of my dick exactly the way I've taught her. I won't get that in the vanilla world...