KittenRed

Female Submissive, 20, Ozark, Alabama

Female Submissive, 49, Sonoma County, California

Female Dominant, 54

Dear interested Doms, As a single submissive seeking a Dominant, I meet a lot of people online, and frankly I'm a little shocked at what some people seem to think is normal or acceptable. Just because I'm a submissive doesn't mean I'm stupid, careless, or suicidal. So here's a few things I keep seeing lately that I'd like to address: **Don't skip straight to the kink.** I'm not some mindless casual fuck toy. I'm sure there are some subs out there who want to be a plaything and are happy to skip to the sex without getting to know each other as a person. That's not me. Real submission should be based on trust, not just lust. I'm looking for a life partner that I can submit to, and that means I want to know if we're compatible in the bedroom AND out of it. I want to know if you're the kind of person I'll want to be around after the orgasms, between the scenes, when the blood isn't racing and our rational minds aren't shut off by our sex drives. If you're not willing to show me how interesting you are as a person, I'm not going to show you the interesting things I can do with my tongue. **I'm not going to invite you to my place for our first meeting.** Yes, we're chatting online and getting along great, and maybe things are heating up a bit. That's great! I'm still not inviting you to my place. The old adage "Nobody knows if you're a dog on the internet" holds true for chat and IM to this day. I've met tons of people who I've clicked with online and had many great conversations with, but meeting them in person was an unpleasant revelation to say the least. No matter how much we've chatted, you're still a stranger to me, and our first meeting will be in a public location. To expect anything less is unsafe and frankly ominous. I want to meet you and see what I think of you in person in a relatively safe setting before you get anywhere near my bedroom. **Your ability to act dominant doesn't make you my Dom.** I'm sure you're a very dominant person. I HOPE you are, that's what I want. But you need to respect my boundaries and understand that I may be submissive, but I'm still a human being who has the right to choose who I submit to. Don't just assume I'm yours for the taking and start giving me orders like you own me. Convince me you can hold that leash and be trusted with those ropes. Don't just show me how macho and condescending you can be; show me you're the kind of person that respects a safe word, isn't going to endanger me when I'm helpless, cares about enthusiastic and informed consent, and takes a serious "no" with grace. If you make promises, follow through with them, and when (not if!) we set boundaries, you don't break them. Make sure I'm okay with being your submissive before you ask me to submit. And on that note... **You don't make agreements in the heat of the moment.** When the blood is pumping, adrenaline is high, and the mind is in sub space, do not expect me to be rational and make important decisions. Don't ask me to be your sub when I'm on the brink of orgasm; of course I'll say yes. At that moment, I'll say anything. I'm not going to stop right in the middle of hot and heavy action to have a serious conversation about trust and boundaries. You have those conversations beforehand, when everyone is sober and clear-headed. That way, when you get into the heat of the moment and I'm begging you mindlessly to do things to me, you already know what I'm okay with and if I'll regret it afterwards. And if I say something in the heat of the moment, you don't hold me to it afterwards; you wait until I'm in my right mind again and you ASK if I meant it. ----- Remember this: I'm a submissive, not a doormat. If I'm going to literally put my life in your hands (because let's face it, if I'm tied up and helpless, there's nothing stopping a Dom from straight up killing me), then I'm allowed to have a few minor expectations in regards to trust and safety. If you can't understand and respect that, then you're not the kind of person I want as a Dominant.

Fine, I'll give in and take the test...  == Results from bdsmtest.org == 98% Rope bunny 97% Submissive 94% Degradee 90% Masochist 88% Primal (Prey) 77% Brat 66% Experimentalist 62% Slave 52% Non-monogamist 25% Exhibitionist 24% Pet 14% Girl/Boy 10% Sadist 8% Vanilla 7% Primal (Hunter) 4% Voyeur 3% Switch 2% Degrader 2% Dominant 2% Rigger 1% Brat tamer 1% Daddy/Mommy 1% Master/Mistress 0% Ageplayer 0% Owner

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